ST. JAMES RC CHURCH429 ROUTE 25A

EAST SETAUKET, NEW YORK 11733 631-941-4141

WeddingInformation Booklet

“May the Lord in his kindnessstrengthen the consent you have declared

before the Church,and graciously bring to fulfillment

his blessing within you.

What God joins together,let no one put asunder.”The Order of Celebrating Matrimony, n 64

Topical Table of ContentsChurch Photography Floorplan i

Letter of Congratulations ii

Liturgical Exhortation iii

#1 Scheduling a Wedding pg. 4-5

#2 Required Documents pg. 5-7

#3 Civil Requirements pg. 8

#4 Liturgy Planning pg. 8-9

#5 Rehearsal & Church Etiquette pg. 9

#6 Liturgical Procession pg. 10

#7 Music pg. 10-11

#8 Flowers & Decorations pg. 11

#9 Wedding Booklets pg. 11

#10 Photography & Videography pg. 12

#11 Altar Servers pg. 12

#12 Alcohol pg. 12

#13 Spiritual Preparationand Reconciliation pg. 12

#14 Wedding Donation pg. 13

#15 Punctuality is the Key pg. 13

Finally, pg. 14

Music Selections pg. 15-16

Booklet Outline for Mass pg. 17

Booklet Outline for Ceremony pg. 18

Directions pg. 19

Church Photography Floorplan

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Dear Friends-“Will you marry me?”

-the words commonly used in the proposal of marriage

“You have come together in this Church so that the Lord may seal and strengthen your love in the presence of the Church’s

minister and this Community”-from the Rite of Marriage, n. 23

With these words, the Pastoral Staff and the parish community of St. James Parish joyfullycongratulate you on your engagement and extend our prayerful support of your upcoming marriageupcoming marriage. We join you and your family in looking forward to the day when you will jointly pledge and accept your real and exclusive love for each other in the presence of God and the Church.

The preparation for Christian marriage is itself a journey of faith. It is a special opportunity for the engaged to rediscover and deepen the faith of Baptism. In this way, they come to recognize and freely accept their vocation to follow Christ and to serve the Kingdom of God in married life. -excerpt from Encyclical: Familiaris Consortio, St. Pope JohnPope John Paul II

Your love becomes, and is a sign of God’s love among us and is a reminder for the wholeChurch, of Christ’s commitment to each of us, and our care for one another. Thus the celebration of the Sacrament of Matrimony is communal as well as personalas personal.

In order to assist you with the necessary preparations for your wedding day, and to answerquestions you may have regarding this important and sacred event in your life, and in the life of the Catholic community, we have prepared the following guidelines. They are based on an underlying theology and truth of marriage as a Sacrament, an event that is both a personal celebration and a Rite of the Church. Your wedding celebration, be it a Nuptial Mass or a Ceremony, is primarily a service of worship, a moment to praise the God of love, whose presence is manifest in your covenant of marriage. Surely, you marry each other, promising lasting love and fidelity all the days of your lives. But this promise is made in the presence of a priest/deacon of the Church, in the presence of Christ Himself through His body, the Church, which is embodied in the gathering of family and friends on your wedding day.

If you have additional questions, please do not hesitate to contact the priest or deacon with whom you are working: Reverend James-Patrick Mannion (Fr Jim) x 322

Reverend Gerald CestareGerald Cestare (Fr. Jerry) x 321

Reverend Deacon Wayne T. Padula x 317

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A Liturgical ExhortationMy dear friends,

you are about to enter into a union, which is most sacred and most serious. It is most sacred, because established by God himself; most serious, because it will bind you together for life in a relationship so close and so intimate, that it will profoundly affect your whole future. That future, with its hopes and disappointments, its successes and its failures, its pleasures and its pains, its joys and its sorrows, are now hidden from your eyes: yet you know that these elements are part of every life and should be expected in your own. And so, not knowing what is before you, you take each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death.

Truly, then, these words are most serious. It is a beautiful tribute to your undoubted faith in each other that, recognizing their full import, you are nevertheless so willing and ready to pronounce them. And because these words involve such solemn obligations, it is most fitting that you rest the security of your wedded life upon the great principle of self-sacrifice. And so you begin your married life with the voluntary and complete surrender of your individual lives in the interest of that deeper and wider life which you are to have in common. Henceforth you belong entirely to each other: you will be one in mind, one in heart, and one in affections. And whatever sacrifices you may hereafter be required to make for the preservation of this mutual life, always make them generously.

Sacrifice is usually difficult and irksome. Only love can make it easy; and perfect love can make it a joy. We are willing to give in proportion, as we love. And when love is perfect, the sacrifice is complete. God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son; and the Son so loved us that he gave himself for our salvation. Greater love than this no one has, than to lay down one's life for one's friends.

No greater blessing can come upon your married life than pure conjugal love, loyal and true to the end. May, then, this love with which you join your hands and hearts today, never fail, but grow deeper and stronger as the years go on. And if true love and the unselfish spirit of perfect sacrifice guide your every action, you can expect the greatest measure of earthly happiness that may be allotted to humans in this vale of tears. The rest is in the hands of God. Nor will God be wanting to your needs: he will pledge you the lifelong support of his graces in the holy sacrament you are now going to receive.

This address to the marrying couple originated in the United States, where it formed a regular part of the Catholic wedding rite until the reforms of Vatican II.

It remains one of the finest liturgical texts in the English language.

Research indicates that couples who prepare for marriage in a Church setting, have a significantly lower marriage break-up rate in the first three years of marriage than the

national average. (Williams, 1991)

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A Liturgical ExhortationMy dear friends: you are about to enter into a union, which is most sacred and most serious. It is most sacred, because established by God himself; most serious, because it will bind you together for life in a relationship so close and so intimate, that it will profoundly affect your whole future. That future, with its hopes and disappointments, its successes and its failures, its pleasures and its pains, its joys and its sorrows, are now hidden from your eyes: yet you know that these elements are part of every life and should be expected in your own. And so, not knowing what is before you, you take each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death.

Truly, then, these words are most serious. It is a beautiful tribute to your undoubted faith in each other that, recognizing their full import, you are nevertheless so willing and ready to pronounce them. And because these words involve such solemn obligations, it is most fitting that you rest the security of your wedded life upon the great principle of self-sacrifice. And so you begin your married life with the voluntary and complete surrender of your individual lives in the interest of that deeper and wider life which you are to have in common. Henceforth you belong entirely to each other: you will be one in mind, one in heart, and one in affections. And whatever sacrifices you may hereafter be required to make for the preservation of this mutual life, always make them generously.

Sacrifice is usually difficult and irksome. Only love can make it easy; and perfect love can make it a joy. We are willing to give in proportion, as we love. And when love is perfect, the sacrifice is complete. God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son; and the Son so loved us that he gave himself for our salvation. Greater love than this no one has, than to lay down one's life for one's friends.

No greater blessing can come upon your married life than pure conjugal love, loyal and true to the end. May, then, this love with which you join your hands and hearts today, never fail, but grow deeper and stronger as the years go on. And if true love and the unselfish spirit of perfect sacrifice guide your every action, you can expect the greatest measure of earthly happiness that may be allotted to humans in this vale of tears. The rest is in the hands of God. Nor will God be wanting to your needs: he will pledge you the lifelong support of his graces in the holy sacrament you are now going to receive.

This address to the marrying couple originated in the United States, where it formed a regular part of the Catholic wedding rite until the reforms of Vatican II. It remains one of the finest liturgical texts in the

English language.

This address to the marrying couple originated in the United States, where it formed a regular part of the Catholic wedding rite until the reforms of Vatican II. It remains one of the finest liturgical texts in the

English language.

Research indicates that couples who prepare for marriage in a Church setting, have a significantly lower marriage break-up rate in the first three years of marriage than the national average. (Williams,1991)

1 SCHEDULING YOUR YOUR WEDDING

The Parish of St. James provides the following times for wedding celebrations. These times have been established in order to allow sufficient time for your wedding to be the prayerful and sacramental time

it is intended to be, while also making accommodations for other parish events. We ask that you adhere to these guidelines and work closely with the priest/deacon you have selected to preside at your

wedding.

Friday: 4:00 pm or 5:00 pm Mass or CeremonySaturday: 11am, 1:00pm Mass or Ceremony, 3pm Ceremony ONLYSunday: 3pm or 3:30pm Ceremony ONLY

You are welcome to have a Catholic priest or deacon* with whom you may have a special relationship, to officiate at your wedding here at St. James.

Please note that all visiting clergy who have been invited to celebrate a wedding at St. James will need proper delegation in order to do so. It is recommended that they contact the priest or deacon from St. James as soon as you have scheduled the wedding date; all requests for delegation must be in writing on the letterhead of the visiting clergy member’s parish or community.

All visiting clergy are required to provide a letter from their diocese or order, indicating that they are in good standing.

* A special note to the non-Catholic bride or groom: you are also welcome invited to have a

Minister/Rabbi/ Iman minister with whom you or your family may have a special relationshiprelationship with, assist at your wedding, here at St. James.

The celebration of Matrimony can take place as either a Nuptial Mass Ceremony or as a Nuptial CeremonyMass; the option is yours, based on the schedule noted above.

Before you make your decision as to whether you will choose a Nuptial Mass or Ceremony or a Nuptial Massy we suggest you consider the faith of both families and your wedding guests. If they are not church going Catholics or do not share the Catholic faith, it is/might be more appropriate and considerate to celebrate a Nuptial Ceremony rather than a Nuptial Mass. Kindly give this careful thought and discussion, then review this matter with your consulting priest /deacon.

Before you say “Yes to the Dress”...Dress” ... as you prepare to make the final selection of your wedding dress, we hope you will keep in mind that the dress should maintain a sense of modesty befitting a church service. Should you choose a dress that is strapless and requires constant fidgeting in order to keep the bodice in place, you may want to consider including a shawl or other type of cover-up that can be removed once you leave the church. All that fidgeting and fussing during the Mass/Ceremony is sure to be a distraction to the Presider as well as your guests and it will be captured forever in your wedding photos/videos!

When planning your wedding floral pieces, we ask that you be aware of the Church Seasons, especially Advent and Lent. These seasons have a special religious character and require sensitivity in your choice of decorations and color schemes. The Church’s rubrics state that the liturgical colors to be used in these ‘seasons’ are purple and magenta. In addition, there are appropriate seasonal hymns, reflecting the theology of the season, that your musical In addition, there are seasonal hymns, reflecting the theology of the season that your musical choices need to reflect. Please keep in mind that during the AdventLenten season, decorations in the church are kept to a minimum;, the most outstanding items will the Advent Wreath. During the Lenten season, there is a starkness to the decorations, reminding us of our Lord’s time in the desert; the crucifix may will be covered in purple bunting during the entire Lenten season. During Advent and Christmas-, the church will have be appropriate decorationed withs such as pointsettiaspoinsettias, a Christmas wreaths, a tree and the crèche. During Easter season, there will be lilies. We ask that you be respectful of these decorations in making your selections for wedding floral arrangements, as the placement of such arrangements may be impacted by seasonal decorations. If in

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doubt, please consult with the priest/deacon with whom you are working with in planning your celebration.

W; we wish to inform you that we are unable to move or change any liturgical decorations at any time.

2 REQUIRED DOCUMENTS

Because matrimony is both a sacrament of the Church and a public ceremony, the Church and the State legitimately make certain requirements of those being married. Please review these

requirements carefully and feel free to ask any questions which may arise.

Baptismal DocumentsBaptismal DocumentsFor the Catholic party-

Unless you were baptized here at St. James, you will need to bring in a new and updated certificate of Baptism. The new certificate (required by Church law), should be issued within six (6) months of the wedding date. Original or photocopies of the baptismal certificate that you may have at home are not acceptable. A new certificate of baptism can easily be obtained by contacting the church where you were baptized. This updated baptismal certificate testifies to a person’s freedom to marry. It will also note the dates and places where you received your other sacraments, and assures us of the correct address to which we will send a Notification of Marriage to be entered in their Baptism Record Book.

For the Non-Catholic Christian party-If you or your fiancé were baptized in another Christian faith, it is necessary that we see the person’s original baptismal certificate, showing the date, church and place of baptism. A letter from the pastor of the non-Catholic Christian’s church should also be obtained, stating that the person, to the best of their knowledge, was never married.

Special Circumstances Special Circumstances

A. If either you or your fiancé is under 18 years of age at the time of the wedding, the question of witnessing the marriage must be submitted to the bishop before a date can be set. We are

required to have signed statements of permission from both parents or guardians before a date can be finalized.

[B.] If there is a question of pregnancy, approval must be received from the bishop Bishop’s Office before a date can be set. A medical statement from your doctor attesting to the pregnancy is also required.

B. If either you or your fiancé have been treated by a psychiatrist or psychologist or are taking psychotropic medications, permission must be received from the Chancellor’s Office before a date can be set. The individual being treated will need to sign a release form allowing the Chancellor to contact the treating psychiatrist/psychologist. The Chancellor will inquire as to whether or not the individual being treated can, in their opinion, freely make a commitment to marry. In order to expedite this process, it will be most helpful if you can provide the name and address of the treating clinician.

C. .

In each of the above special situations, special care and concern is given to the couple requesting to marry. Please know that this is not, to make things more difficult for you, but to evaluate your

spiritual and emotional maturity; thus helping to ensure the sacredness and permanence of Matrimony as a sacrament of God’s abiding fidelity. Therefore, a date for your marriage may not be set until the

Bishop’s or Chancellor’s Office has been consulted and has given permission for the marriage in question to take place.

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Banns of Marriage

Church law no longer requires the announcement of “Banns of Marriage”. However, since your wedding is a family and local parish event, St. James Parish takes great pleasure in announcing all

upcoming marriages for the following month in the parish bulletin on the last weekend of the month. (i.e., June weddings are announced in the bulletin on the last weekend of May)

Marriage BetweenMarriage aBetween Catholica andCatholic aand Nona Non-Catholic

In order for a marriage between a Catholic and a non-Catholic party to be considered valid, a dispensation must be obtained from the bishop of the diocese. The consulting priest or deacon will obtain this for you and will handle the paperwork with you. The necessary conditions for this dispensation are:

A. The Catholic party is asked to promise that s/he will make every effort to raise the children in the Catholic faith and not give up their faith as a matter of family convenience.

B. The non-Catholic party must understand the seriousness of this promise and must support this commitment on the part of his/her spouse.

C. It is very important that couples of different religious traditions spend time discussing all aspects of their different religious backgrounds as part of their marriage preparation. The Diocese of Rockville Centre offers a one-session Interfaith Pre-Cana. This does not take the place of the required Pre-

Cana program. Information about the Interfaith Pre-Cana may be obtained from the priest or deacon with whom you are working here at St. James.

When one is from a parish other than St. James

If one or both Catholic parties are from a parish other than St. James, you must obtain permission, known as a Letter of Freedom to Marry, from the pastor of the parish in which you are registered, in order for your

wedding to be witnessed and celebrated here.

Previous Marriages

If you are a Catholic-A. If your previous spouse is deceased, a death certificate must be presented to the consulting priest or

deacon.

B. If you were previously married in the Church and are now divorced, you must obtain a formal church annulment and follow any requirements that may accompany the annulment. The consulting priest or deacon can give you information about beginning this annulment process.

C. If you were previously married but the Church did not recognize the marriage, you must submit the paperwork for a Defect of Form so that diocesan permission may be obtained before your marriage can be celebrated in the Church. This can be handled through your consulting priest or deacon.

If you are a non-Catholic

A. The same requirements hold for points A, B, and C above plus if you married a member of your own faith or another faith tradition other than Roman Catholic, and are divorced, you must also seek a formal church annulment.

Please note: in the case of a previous marriage of any kind, no date for the wedding may be set until the proper permission has been received from the diocese.

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Pre-Cana and FOCCUS

The Church teaches that matrimony is a sacred and irrevocable covenant and takes seriously its responsibility to help each couple prepare for their vocation to love intimately and serve freely in Christian matrimony. Marriage preparation supports a couple in their journey towards a healthy and holy union.

The Diocese of Rockville Centre requires each engaged couple to prepare for the Sacrament of Marriage by attending PRE-CANA preparation sessions in either the Bride’s or Groom’s parish or through a Diocesan sponsored Pre-Cana.

ST. JAMES PARISH PRE-CANA:

The schedule is Friday 8:00pm-10: 30pm, Saturday 10:00am-10:00pm. The program is parish based, and led by trained couples as well as a priest, who will facilitate a series of discussions designed to help you, as a couple, explore various aspects of your relationship. Topics include: goals, values, conflict, communication, sexuality, children, finances and faith.

Please see the Pre-Cana brochure for dates and fees.

DIOCESAN ENGAGED ENCOUNTER WEEKEND

This is an alternative education program for couples, who, because of work schedule conflicts are unable to attend St. James Pre-Cana. Engaged Encounter Weekends begin on Friday at 7:30pm and

end with Mass on Sunday at around 1:00pm. They are held at a local retreat center and involve two overnights at the same location.

The Engaged Encounter is a weekend experience led by a team of two married couples and a priest. Each couple will have the opportunity to discuss privately and with each other their strengths, weaknesses, goals, their attitudes about money, children and sex, as well as their role in Church and society. See the attached Marriage Education brochure for dates and retreat center locations.

FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study) is a Diocesan required process, which is done via the internet. The parish will set up your account for you. You will then receive a confirmation email from a FOCCUS administration representative who will provide you with an ID number, which will allow you to log on and complete the questionnaire.After completing and submitting your answers to this questionnaire, a summative analysis will be prepared by the FOCCUS central office. The results, which contain a profile of your relationship, will then be sent to the parish. A follow up meeting will then be scheduled for you with one of the Pre-Cana Team couples who will work with you to identify those areas in your relationship that may require further discussion.

Our marriage education approach is designed to support and guide you through the most important transition of your life, from being single and leaving your own family to being married and creating a new family. The good news of Christian marriage is woven into the presentations. Couples are presented with the Catholic perspective on marriage as a vocation and a sacrament. Couples are also shown how to grow in their faith while respecting each other’s religious heritage.

Couples are asked to complete the Marriage Education Program (Pre-Cana, FOCCUS) at least six months and no later than three months prior to their wedding.

You will receive a certificate noting that you have completed Pre-Cana & FOCCUS. This certificate must be submitted to the consulting priest or deacon in order to complete the paperwork requirements for wedding.

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3 CIVIL REQUIREMENTS

The New York State Civil law requires couples to obtain a marriage license. (This applies even if you have married in a civil ceremony and are coming to the Church to have your marriage con-validated.) You may obtain a marriage license at any Town or City Clerk’s Office in New York State.

Town of Brookhaven: One Independence Hill in Farmingville 631-451-9102. The automated message at this number will detail the documents you need to bring to the Clerk’s Office. Both partners must appear in person to obtain the license. By New York State law, the marriage, may not be performed for twenty-four (24) hours from the time of the issuance of the marriage license. The license is valid for sixty (60) days from the date of issue.

Your License and Wedding fee are to be brought to the Parish Officeno later than two weeks prior to your wedding day.

4 LITURGY PLANNING

The Sacrament of Matrimony is a communal as well as a personal celebration. Therefore, it will be according to the liturgical norms of the Church. Your wedding liturgy is a prayer and therefore, it cannot

be merely a show to watch or an event staged to fulfill fairytale dreams; in all aspects of planning- what is done in church, must always respect it as a sacred act and be according to Church discipline.

Please contact the consulting priest or deacon at least six weeks before the wedding day, to ensure that all paperwork requirements have been fulfilled. At this time, you will also begin to discuss and plan the wedding liturgy. There are many options to consider in the planning of your wedding liturgy. These options are detailed for you in a booklet (Together for Life) provided to you by the parish. Please go through the book and select what is most appropriate for you as a couple

Along with the Gospel (F) reading, a reading from the Old Testament (B) and the New Testament (D) will be proclaimed at your celebration, whether it is a Nuptial Mass OR Nuptial Ceremony. You may wish to ask family members or friends to proclaim the readings from the Old Testament (B) and the New Testament (D) and the Prayer of the Faithful (J). They should be people who will proclaim the Word of God with dignity and respect. By Church discipline, those who have not been confirmed are not permitted to do the readings. The people you ask to read should be provided with a copy of their selection well in advance of the wedding so they can practice it. At the rehearsal, they will be instructed by the Wedding Facilitator, on the manner and style for proclaiming the reading. The reader should not bring up their copy of the reading to the Ambo. A copy of the reading will be on the Ambo the day of the wedding.

The lighting of a Unity Candle has become a popular custom that some couples wish to include in their Nuptial Mass OR Nuptial Ceremony. While we allow the lighting of such a candle, it is important to keep in mind that this is a secondary symbol in the wedding ceremony and is not necessary. The Word of God, the exchange of vows and in the case of a Nuptial Mass, the celebration of the Eucharist, are always primary and should never be overshadowed.

If a couple wishes to include the Unity Candle in their Nuptial Mass OR Nuptial Ceremony, they must purchase their own candle set with holder. The candle will be set up on the altar; the same holds true for Memorial Candles. In the event you decide to include a Memorial Candle and a photograph of the one remembered, both items will be set upon a table within the sanctuary.

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Some couples also choose to present roses to their parent(s), grandparent(s) and/or to the Blessed Mother (these flowers will be placed by the Tabernacle and when the celebration is over, will be moved to the statue of the Holy Family in the front of the church), as a part of their Nuptial Mass OR Nuptial Ceremony. Again, while this is permitted, please remember that this is a secondary symbol in the ceremony. If you choose to include this, it is of course your responsibility to provide the roses.

5 YOUR REHEARSAL AND CHURCH ETIQUETTE

Rehearsals are held ONLY on Thursdays and Fridays before the wedding and usually last for about 1 hour. They can be scheduled on Thursdays or Fridays at 5pm or 6pm. Members of the St. James Parish Wedding Facilitator Ministry will lead your rehearsal. Please be on time for your rehearsal, and allow sufficient time so you can arrive at your rehearsal dinner on time as well.

Some considerations: Please be on time for your rehearsal. There are frequently other events scheduled to take place in the

church; if you, and/or members of your bridal party arrive late, it may be difficult to complete all elements of your rehearsal.

Please establish the order of procession for your bridal party prior to the rehearsal; we ask that you bring a copy of the order of procession with you to the rehearsal.

Please make sure that all members of the wedding party are present for the rehearsal; this includes readers, bridesmaids, groomsmen and parents. All are expected to behave in a respectful manner befitting one’s presence in the House of God, including appropriate dress. There is to be no loud conversation, use of foul language, or gum chewing; if there are young children involved in the bridal party, please be sure a responsible adult is with them at all times to ensure their safety and wellbeing.

There is to be NO drinking before the rehearsal and on the wedding day. Please note, that if there is a sense that the Bride or Groom have been drinking, it may be presumed that their ability to reason is impaired and therefore there are canonical grounds for the wedding to be called off.

You are welcome to bring the Unity Candle, Memorial Candle, programs, ring bearer pillow, bubbles and the cash offering for the altar servers to the rehearsal. Please attach notes to these items, indicating your names as well as the date/time of the wedding. Our Wedding Facilitators will secure these items in our sacristy until the day of the wedding. Please assign a friend/family member the responsibility of collecting the Unity/Memorial Candles after the wedding.

On the day of the wedding: Please make sure your guests are aware that when they enter the church, they must turn off their cell

phones, beepers and pagers.

Guests are welcome to take photos during your celebration. We ask that they be respectful of other guests and observe proper etiquette while in the church.

It has become popular for many couples to retain the services of professional wedding coordinator to assist them in planning their wedding. While we acknowledge the value of this, please know that your hired wedding coordinator has nothing to do with your wedding once you arrive at the church. They are most welcome to join other guests to pray with and for you; however, our parish’s Wedding Facilitators will handle every aspect of the wedding once you arrive. We ask that you respect this request and not assign your wedding coordinator any role within the church.

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6 THE LITURGICAL PROCESSION

Because Matrimony, is a personal and public event, as it is also a sacred and liturgical event, it is therefore governed by the rubrics of the Church. A liturgical procession, whether at a weekend mass or wedding, tells us who we are, a pilgrim people on the way to the fullness of the Kingdom of God as followers of Jesus Christ. The one who will preside over that particular gathered assembly of the Church, by our discipline and rituals- is always last. For example, at a Sunday celebration, the priest enters last; at Confirmation, it’s the bishop and for a wedding, it is the couple. To clarify a common misconception, the Presider does not “marry” the couple; the couple, themselves are ministers of the Sacrament of Matrimony, with the Presider, and gathered community, serving as the Church’s official witnesses. The ‘official’ witness for the Church can be either a priest or deacon.

The Order of Celebrating Matrimony has been issued by the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments, a Congregation of the Roman Curia that handles most affairs relating to the

liturgical practices of the Latin Church. It is a revision of the former Rite of Marriage and includes a number of changes affecting various aspects of the marriage chorography. The main difference is the order

of the entrance procession.

LITURGICAL ORDER OF PROCESSION * (Ideally)

Cross BearerAcolytes (altar servers/candle bearers)

ReadersPresider (Priest or Deacon)

Groom’s Parents (if not accompanying the groom)Bride’s Mother with escort (if not accompanying the bride)

Groom and Best ManJunior Bridesmaids and Ushers as couples (if any)

Bridesmaids and Ushers- as couplesFlower Girl/Ring Bearer (if any)

Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor as a coupleGroom with ParentsBride with Parents

Bride and Groom together*The red sentences are the extent of pastoral “wiggle room” that will be permitted here at St James

7 MUSIC

Music is an essential part of your wedding and should be given proper consideration. The music selected should be appropriate and express the faith of the Church; that what is taking place is a sacramental celebration of God’s love, not merely a show to watch or an event staged to fulfill fairytale dreams.

The wedding liturgy is, most importantly, a sacred act of prayer in which all participate. Therefore, in accordance with the Order of Celebrating Matrimony, the musical and liturgical norms of the diocese will be followed, including the required singing of the Gloria if the celebration is a Nuptial Mass. Please contact the co-directors of our parish Music Ministry (see below for contact information), who can offer you a selection of traditional and contemporary religious music, which is both suitable and customary at weddings.

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All requests to have a family member or friend sing, play the organ or piano, or, if you wish to have other instruments such as a harp, bagpipes or trumpets played either before, during or after the wedding, within or

outside the church, must be discussed directly with our parish Music Directors:Mrs. Miriam Salerno: 516-263-5173 Email: mimsal@optonline.net

and/or Mr. Richard Foley: 631-941-4141 x 331 Email: rfoley@stjsmrssetauket.org

See page 15 for musical options and guidelines for additional fees related to guest musicians.Parish policy is that our parish organist will accompany our cantor, who will always sing the Psalm,

Gospel Alleluia, and all Mass parts regardless of any other arrangements.

8 FLOWERS AND DECORATIONS

Couples arrange for their own floral pieces with the florist of their choice. Should you wish to consider sharing floral expenses with another couple who might be getting married the same day or weekend, please contact the rectory and we will be most happy to supply their name and phone number to you. While it is customary that flowers placed in the church for a wedding are a gift to the parish and normally are left in church for the Sunday Masses, we encourage you to consider taking them with you to use at the reception.

The customary flower arrangements are one large floor basket in front of the altar or at the foot of the cross behind the altar on the pedestal and/or two smaller baskets on either side of the altar. Please inform the florist that scotch-tape, wire, tacks; staples are never to be used on the pews or anywhere else in the church. For safety reasons pew decorations that include containers of water (buckets, mason jars, bud vases, etc.) are specifically not permitted at St. James. Similarly, while you are welcome to provide a small basket for your flower girl to carry, she will not be permitted to throw/drop flower petals as she processes down the aisle.

For safety and liability considerations, parish policy prohibits the use of runners in the main aisle.

Rice and Other Customs at the Door of the Church

Throwing rice at a newly married couple as they leave the church was once a common practice. As good stewards of our common home, and being mindful of so many of our brothers and sisters worldwide who are starving, we no longer permit rice to be thrown. Other practices that are not permitted are confetti, the releasing of balloons inside or outside the church (NY State law) or flower petals.

As you leave the church, you are welcome to use birdseed, leaves, bubbles, ringing of bells, whistles, waving of ribbons or handkerchiefs or coins-which will be collected afterwards and placed in the ‘poor box’. Please designate a friend or family member to assist in providing your guests with whichever item (birdseed, bubbles etc.) you have selected as they leave the church. We will appreciate your cooperation in asking someone to take responsibility for ensuring that all personal belongings or leftover items have been removed from the church, vestibule and entranceway.

Please make arrangements to have a friend or family member ‘police the area’ afterwards to pick up and properly discard any litter from the doorway, the front steps of the church, and the front lawns.

9 WEDDING BOOKLETS/PROGRAMS

Some couples choose to create a commemorative program/booklet for their celebration. The couple is responsible for putting their booklet together and printing it. We advise that you follow the outline provided on pages17 and 18. This booklet should be a participation aid and not a script and it should not include the

text of the Scripture readings, the Presider’s prayers, or the vows.

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10 PHOTOGRAPHY AND VIDEOGRAPHY

As this is ‘your special day’ as well as a sacramental celebration of the Church, there must always be a balance between your wish to have photographs and/or video recordings of your wedding, with the required reverence befitting the celebration of a sacrament in a church setting. Therefore, please instruct your photographer and/or video person to check-in with the Wedding Facilitator immediately upon arriving at the church. The Wedding Facilitators, who lead your rehearsal, will normally be at your wedding and will show photographers / videographers what is “off-limits.” The Sanctuary area of the Church is sacred space, and as such is entirely “off-limits” to those taking pictures or video recordings.Should they violate this rule, your Ceremony or Mass will be stopped and they will be asked to respect the rules of the ‘house’; if it should happen once again, they will be asked to leave and the Mass or Ceremony will not continue until they have done so! It will be your choice as to who goes and who stays-the photographer/videographer or the presider! In addition, NO spotlights are permitted inside the church once the Bride and Groom have come into the sanctuary area; we ask that they rely on natural light.

11 ALTAR SERVERS

It is customary to make a small donation to the altar servers assigned to serve at your wedding. The parish usually assigns two (2) servers per wedding. An offering of $5 to $10 but no more than $20 dollars apiece is the recommended offering. The offering can be given to the Wedding Facilitators the night of rehearsal (preferred) or the day of the wedding.

12 ALCOHOL

Please inform your limousine company that champagne, beer or any other type of alcohol is not to be served before the wedding liturgy, nor should you indulge in alcoholic beverages at any gatherings prior to the wedding on your wedding day. Out of respect for the dignity of the sacrament, absolutely no one should have alcohol on his or her breath nor in anyway be under the influence of alcohol or other substances.

Being ’under the influence’ is a factor that can warrant and demand the cancellation of your Nuptial Ceremony or Nuptial Mass on canonical grounds (Church law) as well as by Diocesan policy. It is likely that even the State would question one’s freedom to enter into a civil marriage under the influence.

13 SPIRITUAL PREPARATION AND RECONCILIATION

Since marriage is a Sacrament, Catholics preparing for marriage should be in the proper spiritual state of grace for a worthy celebration of the Sacrament. Please feel free and welcome to avail yourself of the opportunities provided for the celebration of the Sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession/Penance) here at St. James or at another parish if you prefer.

Confessions will not be heard at the wedding rehearsal, lest someone feel “pressured” to receive the Sacrament, or that the person going to Confession fears that the time spent receiving the Sacrament would hold up the rehearsal dinner or be a source of comment or teasing by others.

We celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession/Penance) at St. James on Saturdaysfrom 4pm to 4:45pm in the church OR by appointment in the Rectory.

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14 WEDDING DONATION

The fee/donation for St. James Parishioners are as follows:Donation / Offering to the Church- $500Fee for the Organist- $150Fee for the Cantor- $150

Total $800 Payable by check to: St. James RC Church

The fee/donation for non-registered St. James parishioners are as follows:Donation / Offering to the Church- $1,000Fee for the Organist- $150Fee for the Cantor- $150

Total $1,300 Payable by check to: St. James RC Church

15 PUNCTUALITY IS THE KEY!

It is important that you be on time! There is a misconception that the bride should be “fashionably late”that certainly is not the policy here at St. James.

Be considerate of your guests, the priest/deacon presiding at your ceremony, the organist, cantor, wedding facilitators, as well as other weddings or parish events scheduled for that day. At times the photographer or

limousine driver may not be aware of the policy about arriving on time to our church. It is your responsibility or that of the individual who is coordinating your wedding, to make sure that everyone

understands the importance of arriving on time! If your wedding is scheduled for a Saturday afternoon, please be sure your limo company is aware that Route 25A in Setauket can, and does, become very congested; they should plan accordingly to leave sufficient time for a timely arrival at the church.

The Groom, Best Man and Ushers should be at the church thirty (30) minutes prior to the scheduled starting time of your wedding. The Bride, Maid of Honor and Bride’s Maids should arrive at the church no later then 15 minutes before the wedding is scheduled to begin and out of the car, lined up in the Lobby and ready to process down the aisle, five (5) minutes before the starting time.

It has happened that brides were late in coming to the church and we have had to abbreviate part of their Nuptial Ceremony or Nuptial Mass to accommodate the shortened time factor. Do not let others delay you or instruct you otherwise. If some unforeseen emergency arises, please have someone call the rectory office (631-941-4141) to let us know your status; be sure to ask the receptionist to advise the presider that you have been delayed.

Late Policy- if you are …

Fifteen (15) minutes late in arriving at the altar, a Nuptial Mass will become a Nuptial Ceremony.

Twenty (20+) minutes late in arriving at the altar, a Nuptial Ceremony will be abridged to the exchange of your Vows and the Nuptial Blessing.

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Finally, ...If you have any questions, or wish to clarify these or any other items of information, please do not hesitate to contact the priest/deacon with whom you are arranging your wedding. We are anxious and happy to make your wedding day the joyous sacramental celebration that it should be and eager to help you prepare for your marriage that is lifelong, life giving and joyous. During this time of preparation for your marriage, please be assured of the prayers of all the Pastoral Staff at St. James.

God’s Blessings upon your journey of life as husband and wife!

N. and N., the Church shares your joyand warmly welcomes you,

together with your families and friends,as today, in the presence of God our Father,

you establish between yourselves a lifelong partnership.

May the Lord hear you on this your joyful day.May he send you help from heaven and protect you.May he grant you your hearts' desireand fulfill every one of your prayers.

from the Order of Celebrating Matrimony

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ST. JAMES CHURCH WEDDING MUSIC SELECTIONSTHE PROCESSION

Canon in D by PachelbelAir by HandelMorning Has BrokenArioso by BachJesu, Joy of Man’s DesiringBridal Chorus by WagnerCanon in D by PachelbelTrumpet Tune by PurcellTrumpet Voluntary by Clark

GLORIA (If a Nuptial Mass)

RESPONSORIAL PSALM All in blue hymnal (pick 1)

#111 Psalm 128 Refrain 1: Blest Are those who love you,happy those who follow you, blest are those who seek you O God.

#111 Psalm 128 Refrain 2: May the Lord bless us, may the Lord protect usall the days of our life.

#122 Psalm 145 Our God is compassion to all creation.#34 Psalm 25 To you, O Lord, I lift my soul.#45 Psalm 34 Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

UNITY CANDLE Song* (For the candle ceremony or after the Vows. The selection may be either a song or an instrumental piece.)One Hand, One Heart (West Side Story)Ave Maria by SchubertJesu Joy of Man’s Desiring by BachI Have Loved YouThe Prayer by FosterO Perfect Love by BarnbyPanis Angelicus by Franck

RECESSIONAL SongWedding March by MendelssohnJoyful, Joyful We Adore You/Ode to JoyBaroque Fanfare by MouretFestival Rondo by PurcellTrumpet Tune by PurcellTrumpet Voluntary by Clark

If you are having a Nuptial Ceremony, please email Miriam with your selections from above.

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If you are having a Nuptial Mass, please select from the following additional songs:

OFFERTORY SONGI Have Loved You #351The Servant Song #476Amazing Grace #434Ave Maria by SchubertThe PrayerOne Hand, One Heart (from West Side Story)

COMMUNION SONG (these are all in the blue hymnal)One Bread, One Body #599Behold the Lamb #592I am the Bread of Life #597Taste and See #609Let Us Be Bread #585We Have Been Told #501

Amazing Grace #434

MEDITATION after Communion (optional)The Wedding SongPanis AngelicusAve MariaMake Me a Channel of Your Peace

If you would like a friend or family member to sing at your wedding,they are permitted to sing one or two songs, either during the candle ceremony,

the offertory or during communion.

Please note that there is an additional fee of $200 per instrument if you choose to add a trumpet player, harpist or violinist to play at your wedding

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OUTLINE FOR NUPTIAL MASS SERVICE BOOKLETTHE INTRODUCTORY RITES

Liturgical Processional (instrumental)Gathering HymnPresider’s Address (to the couple/assembly)The Gloria (sung at all Nuptial Masses)Collect / Opening Prayer

THE LITURGY OF THE WORDOld Testament (B) (Noted by synopsis of reading) can be read by a guestPsalm Will always be sung by our cantorNew Testament (D) (Noted by synopsis of reading) can be read by a guestGospel Acclamation (will always be sung by our cantor)Gospel (F) Noted by synopsis of reading) can only be read by a deacon or priestUniversal Prayer / Prayer of the Faithful (J) can be read by a guest

THE CELEBRATION OF MATRIMONY

Presider’s AddressThe Questions Before the ConsentThe Consent / VowsThe Reception of the ConsentBlessing and Giving of Rings

Blessing and Giving of the Arras (optional)Blessing and Giving of the Veil (optional)

Unity Candle (optional)Hymn (optional)

THE LITURGY OF THE EUCHARISTOffertory Guests or the Bride and Groom may bring forward the gifts

Preparation of the Gifts (hymn optional)Acclamations of the Eucharistic PrayerThe Lord’s PrayerThe Nuptial BlessingExchange of the Sign of Peace (optional flowers to your mothers)Reception of Holy Communion (instrumental or congregational hymn)

THE CONCLUSION OF THE CELEBRATIONFinal Prayer

Optional flowers to our Blessed MotherFinal Blessing First public kiss as Husband and WifeRecessional (instrumental)

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OUTLINE FOR NUPTIAL CEREMONY SERVICE BOOKLETTHE INTRODUCTORY RITES

Liturgical Processional (instrumental)Gathering HymnPresider’s Address (to the couple /congregation)Collect / Opening Prayer

THE LITURGY OF THE WORDOld Testament (noted by synopsis of reading) can be read by a guestPsalm (will always be sung by our cantor)New Testament (noted by synopsis of reading) can be read by a guestGospel Acclamation (will always be sung by our cantor) Gospel (noted by synopsis of reading) can only be read by a deacon or priestUniversal Prayer / Prayer of the Faithful can be read by a guest

THE CELEBRATION OF MATRIMONYPresider’s Address

The Questions Before the ConsentThe Consent / VowsThe Reception of the ConsentBlessing and Giving of Rings

Blessing and Giving of the Arras (optional)Blessing and Giving of the Veil (optional)

Unity Candle (optional)Hymn (optional)

THE CONCLUSION OF THE CELEBRATIONFinal Prayer

Optional flowers to our Blessed MotherFinal Blessing First public kiss as Husband and WifeRecessional (instrumental or congregational hymn)

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DIRECTIONS

PLEASE NOTE: The use of modern technological tools such as GPS have made our lives much easier when traveling to unfamiliar areas. Unfortunately, the majority of GPS systems DO NOT recognize the address of

St. James Church (429 Route 25A, Setauket). In order to avoid delays and unnecessary stress,please advise your guests of this technological glitch.

In order to avoid confusion, it’s important to note that we are known as St. James RC Church, located in the town of East Setauket. Please advise your guests who may not be familiar with the area, that there are other,

similarly named towns, hamlets and churches; these include the hamlet of St. James; the parish of Saints Philip and James, which is located in the hamlet of St. James; and St. James Episcopal Church, also located

in the hamlet of St. James, all on Route 25 A. In the past, it has unfortunately been our experience that guests frequently arrive at one of our neighboring churches only to find that they are at the wrong location. To avoid unnecessary stress for you and your guests, please make every effort to alert them to these issues.

LI EXPRESSWAYExit 62 North- Rt. 97 Nichols Road

take Nichols Road it to the end where there is a T-junction

at the T-junction turn right onto Rt. 25A/ North Country Road continue East for two (2) traffic lights at the second light (Ridgeway Ave.) make a left; church will be on your right enter driveway after the cemetery fence ends (sign stating St. James Parking)

NORTHERN STATE PARKWAYHead East to end where it merges with 347 /454

with traffic you’ll be on 347 / 454 for about five (5) minutes when you can safely do so, move to the far left lane you will see signs for a fork Rt. 347 East and Rt. 454 (Veterans Memorial Highway)

South at fork, follow Rt. 347 East continue on Rt. 347 for about fifteen (15) to twenty (20) minutes. (you will pass

Smithaven Mall on your right, Lowe’s Home Improvement on your left, and a Burger King on your left) until you reach the intersection with Nichols Road. (second light after the Burger King) (if you reach Target, Stop and Shop and Home Depot on your right, you’ve gone too far)

turn left at intersection (North) Nichols Road (Rt. 97)

Follow as above …

SUNRISE HIGHWAYExit on to service road by Church Street Exit / Bayport at intersection for Nichols Road / Stony Brook; go North / Left hand turn.

Follow as above …

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