you don ’ t understand me!!! finding god ’ s path for each of your children copyright bill...

You DonYou Don’’t t Understand Understand

Me!!!Me!!!Finding GodFinding God’’s Path for Each s Path for Each

of Your Children of Your Children

Copyright Bill Mitchell 2010-2011

Train Your ChildTrain Your ChildTrain up a child in the way he should go,

And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV)

Start children off on the way they Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. they will not turn from it.

(NIV)(NIV)Copyright Bill Mitchell 2010-2011

How do interpret the How do interpret the verse?verse?

Train up a child in the way he should go,



Start children off on the way they Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. they will not turn from it.


How do interpret the How do interpret the verse?verse?

Train up a child in the way he should go,



Start children off Start children off on the way they on the way they should go,should go, and even when they are old and even when they are old they will not turn from it. they will not turn from it.


God Wants Us to be God Wants Us to be Students of Our ChildrenStudents of Our Children

God wants us to find out who how He God wants us to find out who how He designed our child and then work, designed our child and then work, along side Him, to help them along side Him, to help them become who they were designed to become who they were designed to be.be. God Want us to Work

With Him, Under His Leadership


Describe Your SelfDescribe Your Self(Homework)(Homework)

Take three minutesTake three minutes Write down a description of youWrite down a description of you Short phrasesShort phrases

TallTall Hard-workingHard-working LazyLazy

No peeking at your spouseNo peeking at your spouse’’s answerss answers


Describe Your ChildDescribe Your Child (Homework)(Homework)

Take five minutesTake five minutes Write down a description of your oldest Write down a description of your oldest

child child If older than 15, choose a child less than 15. If older than 15, choose a child less than 15.

No peeking at your spouseNo peeking at your spouse’’s answerss answers


MiriamMiriam Fun-lovingFun-loving Highly intelligentHighly intelligent Lover of GodLover of God Self-sacrificingSelf-sacrificing SensitiveSensitive ExtrovertExtrovert FlightyFlighty LeaderLeader VisionaryVisionary UndisciplinedUndisciplined IntuitiveIntuitive CreativeCreative No mathNo math


Four CategoriesFour Categories

Physical attributesPhysical attributes

Personality traitsPersonality traits

Talents and Skills

Character Qualities


MiriamMiriam Fun-loving Highly intelligent Lover of God Self-sacrificing Sensitive Extrovert Flighty Leader Visionary Undisciplined Intuitive Creative No math

Compassion vs. Indifference

Diligence vs. Slothfulness

Discernment vs. Judgment

Gentleness vs. Harshness

Self-Control vs. Self-indulgence


Example Character Example Character QualitiesQualities

Diligence Diligence vs. Slothfulnessvs. Slothfulness Visualizing each task as a special assignment Visualizing each task as a special assignment

from the Lord and using all my energies to from the Lord and using all my energies to accomplish it (Colossians 3:23) accomplish it (Colossians 3:23)

Discernment Discernment vs. Judgmentvs. Judgment The God-given ability to understand why The God-given ability to understand why

things happen (I Samuel 16:7) things happen (I Samuel 16:7) Compassion Compassion vs. Indifferencevs. Indifference

Investing whatever is necessary to heal the Investing whatever is necessary to heal the hurts of others (I John 3:17) hurts of others (I John 3:17)

Google: Bill Gotthard Character QualitiesCopyright Bill Mitchell 2010-2011

Compare with Your Compare with Your SpouseSpouse

HomeworkHomework Date night topic!Date night topic!

Double credit – trust me!Double credit – trust me!

Many more times in the future. Many more times in the future.


““In the way they should In the way they should go…go…””

For we are GodFor we are God’’s handiwork, created s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for which God prepared in advance for us to do. us to do.

Ephesians 2:10Ephesians 2:10the

m


My ChildMy Child’’s Life is not s Life is not My Second LifeMy Second Life

God did not make us parents so that God did not make us parents so that we can live out our failed and missed we can live out our failed and missed dreams through the lives of our dreams through the lives of our children.children.


Questions? Reactions?Questions? Reactions?

How Much of Your Focus is How Much of Your Focus is on Talents and Skills?on Talents and Skills?

Physical attributesPhysical attributes

Personality traitsPersonality traits

Talents and Skills

Character Qualities


Talents and SkillsTalents and Skills

AthleticsAthletics Work with handsWork with hands AcademicsAcademics ArtisticArtistic SportsSports SocialSocial Etc. Etc.


Which Takes Longer to Which Takes Longer to Develop?Develop?

Talents and SkillsTalents and Skills

CharacterCharacter


When Capacity Exceeds When Capacity Exceeds Character Moral Failure is Character Moral Failure is

CertainCertainWhen a person has developed their When a person has developed their

skills and talents, their capacity, to a skills and talents, their capacity, to a very high level but has not put the very high level but has not put the right effort into growing their right effort into growing their character, then their character will character, then their character will fail under the pressure of their fail under the pressure of their capacity.capacity.

The Ascent of a Leader

Capacity = talent & skills

Your Child


Questions? Reactions?Questions? Reactions?

Other Personality ModelsOther Personality Models

Temperament theoryTemperament theory Choleric, Melancholic, Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic, Sanguine,

PhlegmaticPhlegmatic Meyers-BriggsMeyers-Briggs

ENFP, INTJ, etc.ENFP, INTJ, etc. DISCDISC Extrovert-IntrovertExtrovert-Introvert Etc.Etc.


Spiritual GiftsSpiritual Gifts

TeachingTeaching ServingServing MercyMercy LeadershipLeadership ProphetProphet Etc.Etc.


Where is Your ChildWhere is Your Child’’s s Passion?Passion?


Possible CareersPossible Careers

What career [life] paths do you know What career [life] paths do you know that will follow Godthat will follow God’’s design for your s design for your child?child?

Start children off on the way they should goStart children off on the way they should go, , and even when they are old they will not and even when they are old they will not turn from it. turn from it.

Proverbs Proverbs 22:6(NIV)22:6(NIV)


Test, Try, and LearnTest, Try, and Learn


““In the way they should In the way they should go…go…””

For we are GodFor we are God’’s handiwork, created s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for which God prepared in advance for us to do. us to do.

Ephesians 2:10Ephesians 2:10

Can you step aside enough to help your child find God’s plan

for their life?

them


Questions? Thoughts?Questions? Thoughts?


Key PrinciplesKey Principles My ChildMy Child’’s Life is not My Second Life s Life is not My Second Life

God wants us to be students of our children.God wants us to be students of our children.

When capacity exceeds character moral When capacity exceeds character moral failure is certain.failure is certain.

We have to adapt, not them.We have to adapt, not them. Follow where God is leading them.Follow where God is leading them. Test and see different optionsTest and see different options


ApplicationApplication Do you know your child? Do you know your child?

Work diligently on learning who God made your child to beWork diligently on learning who God made your child to be Test, Try, and LearnTest, Try, and Learn Talk and Listen to your spouse – date night for years to Talk and Listen to your spouse – date night for years to

comecome This week: For each child sit down and write This week: For each child sit down and write

out a description:out a description: Personality, strengths, weaknesses, gifts, sin patterns, Personality, strengths, weaknesses, gifts, sin patterns,

unknown areasunknown areas Date night discussion, for many weeksDate night discussion, for many weeks Prayer, listening to GodPrayer, listening to God Begin to build a plan to know your child.Begin to build a plan to know your child.

Adapt your approach to fit each child.Adapt your approach to fit each child. And for each season for your child because 14 is different And for each season for your child because 14 is different

from 16 from 18 from 21.from 16 from 18 from 21. Will you make lifestyle decisions to save energy for Will you make lifestyle decisions to save energy for

your family?your family? Emotional, Physical, SpiritualEmotional, Physical, Spiritual


Questions? Questions?

Leave and CleaveLeave and Cleave That is why a man leaves his father and

mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Genesis 2:24Genesis 2:24

How do you describe the process of leaving and cleaving?


Leave and CleaveLeave and Cleave That is why a man leaves his father and

mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Genesis 2:24Genesis 2:24

- OR -

Gradual Process(Cells splitting)

Event in Time


God is in Control of the God is in Control of the ProcessProcess

Gradual Process(Cells splitting)


1

2

3

Teen Years = Splitting the CellsTeen Years = Splitting the Cells


Phase 2 Versus Phase 3Phase 2 Versus Phase 3

2. The child2. The child’’s world is contained within s world is contained within the parentthe parent’’s world and control. s world and control. Activities, friends, thoughts, world view…Activities, friends, thoughts, world view…

3. The child grows into the realization 3. The child grows into the realization that they are a separate person from that they are a separate person from their parents. their parents. Beliefs, Values, World ViewBeliefs, Values, World View Skills, Likes, and Dislikes Skills, Likes, and Dislikes


Parent Teenager

The Teenager grows into The Teenager grows into their own Set of their own Set of ““ValuesValues””

and Behaviorsand Behaviors

Perspectives on the World Christian Movement,1992 p. C-3 – C-6

Behavior/Emotions

Values

Beliefs

World View

=


Entering the Entering the ““WhyWhy”” Years Years AgainAgain

Teenagers are going to question Teenagers are going to question everything:everything: Who am I? Who are you?Who am I? Who are you? What is success?What is success? How do I achieve success?How do I achieve success? Is there a God?Is there a God? Why do I need Him?Why do I need Him? Is there another way other than dying to Is there another way other than dying to

self?self? Etc.Etc.


GodGod’’s Desires Desire

I have been crucified with Christ I have been crucified with Christ and I and I no longer live,no longer live, but Christ lives in me. but Christ lives in me. The The life I now livelife I now live in the body, I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. me and gave himself for me.

Galatians 2:20Galatians 2:20


The TeenThe Teen’’s Views View Will you give me freedom to explore who I am?Will you give me freedom to explore who I am?

Will you allow me to become me?Will you allow me to become me?

Will you allow me to reject some (or all) of your Will you allow me to reject some (or all) of your Behaviors, Values, Beliefs, and World View?Behaviors, Values, Beliefs, and World View?

Will you let me make decisions? Mistakes?Will you let me make decisions? Mistakes?

Will you be there when and how I want you to Will you be there when and how I want you to be?be?


Example Example ““RejectionsRejections”” Studying or working (Laziness)Studying or working (Laziness)

Language (Profanity, rough language)Language (Profanity, rough language)

Relationships (Family, Poor Choices)Relationships (Family, Poor Choices)

Christianity (Lordship, Angry at God)Christianity (Lordship, Angry at God)

Clothing (Immodest, Unclean, Ill Fitting, Hair)Clothing (Immodest, Unclean, Ill Fitting, Hair)

Authority (God, Parental, Legal, Moral) Authority (God, Parental, Legal, Moral)

Music Music


Example Example ““RejectionsRejections”” Studying or working (Laziness)Studying or working (Laziness)

Language (Profanity, rough language)Language (Profanity, rough language)

Relationships (Family, Poor Choices)Relationships (Family, Poor Choices)

Christianity (Lordship, Angry at God)Christianity (Lordship, Angry at God)

Clothing (Immodest, Unclean, Ill Fitting, Hair)Clothing (Immodest, Unclean, Ill Fitting, Hair)

Authority (God, Parental, Legal, Moral) Authority (God, Parental, Legal, Moral)

Music Music

When do you want them

to test God?


The Desired ResultThe Desired Result

A child who has explored their world A child who has explored their world to the point where to the point where they choosethey choose GodGod’’s will as the path for their life.s will as the path for their life.

The Journey from Your God to My God.


Questions? Thoughts?Questions? Thoughts?

Somebody-Nobody Somebody-Nobody PrinciplePrinciple

Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and

was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

John 13:3-51. God has the best plan for my life. (Present - I am not a mistake.)2. I am a sinner, saved by grace. (Past - I don’t have to be perfect.)3. I will be in heaven one day. (Future - Nothing can threaten me)

So I can CHOOSE to lay down my life.


The Power of ChoiceThe Power of Choice

Sometimes you have to change a Sometimes you have to change a value or belief to create new options.value or belief to create new options.

God is a God of choice, much more God is a God of choice, much more often then we think. often then we think. Our [unbiblical] values and beliefs are Our [unbiblical] values and beliefs are

often the constraint. often the constraint. God is actually trying to set us free!God is actually trying to set us free!


Key PrinciplesKey Principles ““Leave and CleaveLeave and Cleave”” is a process is a process

Or it will end in a broken relationshipOr it will end in a broken relationship God is in control of the process.God is in control of the process.

We are not in control.We are not in control. Journey from Your God to My GodJourney from Your God to My God

We are going to face [painful] rejection. Again We are going to face [painful] rejection. Again and again.and again.

Somebody-Nobody.Somebody-Nobody. Life of self-sacrifice, by choice. (ChristLife of self-sacrifice, by choice. (Christ’’s Lordship)s Lordship)

The Power of Choice.The Power of Choice. We may need to change our values or beliefs.We may need to change our values or beliefs.


ApplicationApplication Are you willing to make Are you willing to make ““Leave and CleaveLeave and Cleave”” a process? a process?

It is harder - in the short termIt is harder - in the short term Are you willing to help your child become an adult in your Are you willing to help your child become an adult in your

household?household? Are you willing to help them on their journey from your God Are you willing to help them on their journey from your God

to my God?to my God?

Do you know your child? Do you know your child? Work diligently on learning who God made your child to beWork diligently on learning who God made your child to be The teen struggles will vary by child (timing, approach, The teen struggles will vary by child (timing, approach,

issues)issues)

Will you help your child to see themselves as perfectly Will you help your child to see themselves as perfectly created by God? created by God? And then let them choose? And then let them choose?

Will you be willing to change some of your values and Will you be willing to change some of your values and beliefs to give you better choices?beliefs to give you better choices?Copyright Bill Mitchell 2010-2011

Questions? Questions?

you don ’ t understand me!!! finding god ’ s path for each of your children copyright bill...

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