you can win
DESCRIPTION
personality developmentTRANSCRIPT
Tamilnadu Tiruchirapalli SBLC
YOU CAN WIN By
SHIV KHERA Book Condensation
By P Balachandra Bhat Manager (Training)
Tiruchirapalli
P Balachandra Bhat, Manager, State Bank Learning Centre, Tiruchirapalli
P Balachandra Bhat, Manager, State Bank Learning Centre, Tiruchirapalli
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
SHIV KHERA is the founder of Qualified Learning Systems Inc., USA. He is
a business consultant, an educator, a speaker and a successful
entrepreneur. He has spread his message of success throughout the world
from US, Singapore and to India. His 20 years of research, understanding
and experience has helped people on the path of personal growth and
development.
SHIV KHERA's client list includes, Lufthansa, German Airlines, ANZ
Grindlays, Bahamas Quality Council and Boehringer Mannheim among
others
ABOUT THE BOOK
The book was first published in 1998 by MACMILLAN INDIA L TD. The book
has been reprinted several times thereafter. The book is priced at Rs 285 /-.
The book, as the title says, aims to make every reader a Winner. The book
has been printed in big fonts. It has sufficient spaces and reading the book
is not a problem as it takes at the most 2 days to read the book. That is to
say the book can be read leisurely. The contains more than 100 anecdotes
and parables. These strengthen the message the author wants to convey.
There are 8 chapters in the book and they are:
1. Importance of Attitude
2. Success.
3. Motivation
4. Self Esteem
5. Interpersonal skills
6. Subconscious Mind and Habits
7. Goal Setting
8. Values and Mission
P Balachandra Bhat, Manager, State Bank Learning Centre, Tiruchirapalli
The distinct feature of the book is the manner in which ideas are conveyed.
For example, the cover of the book flashes a message' Winners don't do
different things. They do things differently'. One can find throughout the
book such constructions, which heighten and illuminate the book. This
book, though it does not convey more things for BS Trainers, as they would
be familiar with many of the ideas shared in it, would still inspire them to
become a winner. For its extreme simplicity, lucidity of style and the
anecdotes the book can be recommended as a must for Branch Managers
and all those who are yearning for victory.
CHAPTER 1
IMPORTANCE OF ATTITUDE
What is inside us is what counts. If a person has better attitudes then he
will succeed. William James of Harvard University said, 'The greatest
discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by
altering attitudes of mind.'
Like the greatest buildings have strongest foundations, the foundation of
success is attitude.
A study by Harvard University found that a person gets a job 85% of the
time by his attitude and only 15% of the time owing to his smartness...
David defeated Goliath because he thought -that Goliath was not too big to
hit but he was too big to miss.
Negative attitude becomes the obstacle and we create the negative attitude.
A prisoner who underwent long years of imprisonment was released and he
refused to go out because he had learnt to be comfortable and secure in the
darkness of the prison atmosphere. Why, because his attitude has changed.
There are people who always criticize others and always see calamity in
anything they see. We should ignore them. Think only of the best. Work
only for the best. Also expect only the best. Do not procrastinate under the
pretext of analyzing something. If you analyze so much then, there may be
a chance, you would became a victim of analysis. This phenomenon is
P Balachandra Bhat, Manager, State Bank Learning Centre, Tiruchirapalli
called Analysis Paralysis. Education is not enough for us. You can see many
walking encyclopaedias that are living failures. Quickness to learn is
intelligence. Ability is the skill to apply what is learned. If we have not got
the right attitude the ability is a waste. There is nothing wrong with
ignorance but to make a career out of it is stupidity. Some people
accumulate ignorance and they confuse it with education.
There was a company. A senior wood cutter, who was sincere, used to
work for long hours and there also was his junior in the company. The
junior got a salary rise while the wood cutter did not get it. The wood cutter
represented the matter to the management. The management said to the
wood cutter that the junior was paid more because he increases the
productivity by sharpening the saw he was using where as the senior wood
cutter has not sharpened his saw at all and the productivity was, hence,
low.
The Woodcutter realized that one should continuously update ones skills in
order to increase productivity and thereby earn more. Good thoughts are
good seeds to our mind.
Bad food for the body and bad thoughts for the mind would make both our
body and mind sick. Just as we learn how to play basketball by practicing it,
so also, one can learn the principles that make one successful. Knowledge
is a potential power. It becomes power only if acted upon. One should
shun negative influences. Believe that it is your life and you would make of
it what you want.
Winners recognize their limitation but Focus on their strength. Losers, on
the other hand, recognize their strengths but focus on their limitations.
CHAPTER 2
SUCCESS
Success is not an accident but a matter of choice. Have you thought, how a
P Balachandra Bhat, Manager, State Bank Learning Centre, Tiruchirapalli
person succeeds all the time? The uncommon man seeks opportunity while
common man seeks security. Failure is the result of a few mistakes done
repeatedly. The progressive realization of a worthy goal is Success.
Success can be equated to a journey. Success is getting what we want and
happiness wants what we get. Excellence and not perfection is the mantra
for success. Striving for perfection is neurotic while striving for excellence
is progressive as there is nothing that cannot be improved.
All we need to win is the cutting edge. The winning horse is not 5 or ten
times faster than the other horses. It may only be faster by a fraction, by a
nose, but the rewards are 5 or 10 times greater. We need not improve
1000% in any area. All we need to do is to improve 1% in 1000 different
areas, that is a lot more easier. This is the cutting edge. Without struggle
in life nothing worthwhile can come. We should possess the grit to
overcome obstacles. A smooth sea cannot make a skilful mariner only a
rough sea can bring out the skills of the mariner.
After several failures only Abraham Lincoln became the President. Wright
brothers were questioned about their wisdom of trying to invent a machine
that can fly. Newspaper editors rejected Walt Disney as a poor cartoonist
having no talent. Thomas Edison was felt as too stupid a boy in the school.
The teachers asked the parents to get him out of the school. Thomas Edison
failed approximately 10000 times before he invented the light bulb. Henry
Ford forgot to put the reverse gear in the first car he made. The lesson- it is
not that these men did not have problems. They succeeded in spite of
problems, not in the absence of problems. Life is full of choices. Each
choice has its own consequences. We are free to make our choice but after
we have chosen, the choice controls us. Life is not party and pleasure. It is
also pain and despair.
On a clear day one can see several boats sailing in different directions even
P Balachandra Bhat, Manager, State Bank Learning Centre, Tiruchirapalli
though the wind is blowing in only one direction. Why this happens. This is
because it depends on the way the sail is set and the sailor decides how to
set it. The same can be equated with our lives. We may not be able to
choose the direction of the wind but we can definitely choose how the sail
has to be set by us. We cannot control all that is happening in our life but
we can control how we deal with them.
The starting point of all accomplishments is the burning desire. A small fire
cannot give much heat. Similarly a weak desire would not produce any
results. To play to win needs commitment. There are no ideal
circumstances. There will never be. The two ingredients for success is hard
work and acceptance of responsibilities. All best musicians practices every
day. Athletes practice day in and day out to perform for a few seconds of
running in an Olympic race. Milton rose at 4 a.m. everyday to write
“Paradise Lost”. It took Noah Webster 36 years to complete Webster's
Dictionary.
Character is essential for success. Handling of success is more difficult
than success itself. Adversity reveals the character. Without friction a
gem cannot be polished. Also we cannot get finest steel without putting it
through fire. The hammer which shatters glass forges steel. In the same
manner different persons respond to crisis differently based ones character.
We should have positive belief and should give more than what we get.
Persistence cannot be replaced. We should develop a pride of performance
in anything we do. What is holding us back? Can we drive our car with
brakes on? The way to release our emotional brakes is by building a
positive attitude, high self-esteem, and by accepting responsibility. We
should take risks. A person who does nothing can never make a mistake.
But doing nothing is the biggest mistake.
Unwillingness to take risk, lack of persistence, instant gratification, lack of
P Balachandra Bhat, Manager, State Bank Learning Centre, Tiruchirapalli
priorities, looking for shortcuts, selfishness and greed, lack of conviction,
lack of understanding of nature's laws, unwillingness to plan and prepare,
rationalizing failure, not learning from past mistakes, inability to recognize
opportunity, fear, inability to use talent, lack of discipline, poor self esteem,
lack of knowledge, fatalistic attitude and lack of purpose are the causes of
failure. Success is like baking a cake. Unless we have the right recipe we
cannot bake a good cake. With right qualities in right proportions and with
practice and occasional disaster we can be successful.
CHAPTER 3
MOTIVATION
One’s belief’s system brings motivation to one. People motivate themselves
when they believe that they are responsible for their lives and their
behaviour and their outlook toward life changes for the better. It is the
most potent force in our life. It drives the life pattern. External motivation
like fear motivation, incentive motivation etc can motivate a person to a
certain extent but the lasting motivation is the self-motivation
CHAPTER 4
SELF-ESTEEM
How we feel about ourselves is SELF ESTEEM. Our opinion about ourselves
influences everything in our life. It influences our work performance, our
parental role, our accomplishment in life etc. Self esteem is a major factor
which determines success or failure. High self-esteem would lead to a
happy life. It also would give you highly gratifying and purposeful life. To
have self esteem one has to feel that he is a worthwhile person. This has to
come from within. High self–esteem leads to optimism, better relationships
and live fulfilling lives. The persons with high self-esteem are motivated
and ambitious. They would have high performance indicator and risk
P Balachandra Bhat, Manager, State Bank Learning Centre, Tiruchirapalli
taking abilities. They would readily accept new opportunities and
challenges. They would receive and give criticism, compliments with tact
and ease. Human beings cannot grow beyond the boundaries of their self
concept whatever may be that concept. Individuals with poor self esteem
would be generally gossipmongers, critical in nature, have high ego, closed
minded and self-centred. They would never accept responsibility and will
make excuses all the time. They would be jealous in nature and would have
fatalistic attitude. They will not accept any positive criticism and generally
would be defensive. They are bored and uncomfortable when alone. They
would not have any decency. They would have any genuine friends as they
are not genuine. They would make promises and would never keep it. They
behave senselessly and erratically. They alienate people. Their fragile ego
makes them touchy in nature. They would seek approval and validation
from others because of their low self-esteem. They brag about themselves
and will be submissive and show timid behaviour. They would behave in a
non conformist way to seek attention. They are indecisive and do not
accept responsibility. They rebel against authority knowing fully well that
the authority is right. They are sometimes antisocial and withdrawn. They
do not have any sense of direction. They give too much important to
material things.
The poor self-esteem may be because of negative self talk, like “I have Poor
Memory”, I’m not good at Math”. These self talks reinforce the negative
and put them down. They become self–fulfilling prophecies. The family
roots might have contributed to having poor self-esteem. Upbringing
affects the Self-esteem of persons. Making comparison with some other
person may negatively affect one’s self-esteem.
People with high self–esteem do not compete with others but they improve
their performance. They compete with themselves. Confusing failing with
failure affects individuals. One might have failed but may not be a failure.
P Balachandra Bhat, Manager, State Bank Learning Centre, Tiruchirapalli
There is always hope in life. Unrealistic expectation of perfection by
parents, teachers' and supervisors may affect a child's self-esteem. One
can build positive self-esteem by turning one’s scars into stars, adversity
into advantage, stumbling blocks into stepping-stones. Even though
Beethoven was deaf he became a great musician. Milton lost his sight but
he gave the best poetry. President Roosevelt of US served from a
wheelchair. The story of Wilma Rudolph can be a good story for
determination. She was born into a poor home. At age 4 she had double
pneumonia which paralyzed her. Doctor advised her never to put her foot
on earth. But Wilma, at the age of 9, wanted to be the fastest woman on
the track on earth. She became the fastest woman on earth at the 1960
Olympics. Reason - dogged determination. Positive self-esteem will grow
by accepting responsibilities, practicing discipline and setting-goals. We
can practice giving positive auto suggestion such as 'I can handle it', 'I Can
do it'.
CHAPTER5
INTERPERSONAL SKILLS
We have only people problem and not business problems. Knowledge of
people is more important than product knowledge. 'I will pay more for the
ability to deal with people than for any other ability under the sun. 'said,
John Rock Feller. Magnetic and pleasing personalities are built by
successful people that make them charismatic. Some people never lose
their attractiveness regardless of age. When you are best to yourself then
you are good to others and vice versa. Life is like a boomerang. We get
what we give. Generally, we see the world not the way it is but the way we
are. Most of the time, other people's behaviour is a reaction to our own.
For effective interpersonal skills we have to develop certain qualities. We
should generate trust in us. Reliability, consistency, respect, fairness,
openness, congruence of words and action, competence, integrity,
acceptance and character help in building trust. Selfishness, lack of
P Balachandra Bhat, Manager, State Bank Learning Centre, Tiruchirapalli
courtesy, inconsiderate behaviour, not meeting commitments, rude
behaviour, lack of integrity and honesty, arrogance, conceit come in the way
of building .positive relationships. The biggest hurdle in building positive
relationship is ego. Ego is a -negative pride resulting in arrogance. 'I
know it all' attitude affects relationship. Acceptance of responsibility, not
blaming others, consideration, creating a win-win situation; choosing words
carefully, avoiding criticism and complaints help build relationships.
Points to note while offering criticism are: Be a coach; aim to correct than to
punish; be specific rather than saying like 'you never' etc. Vague criticism
cause resentment, get your facts right. Do not jump to conclusions.
Criticize to persuade, not intimidate. Criticize in private not in public. Give
the other person an opportunity to explain. Show the other person that
they would benefit by correcting their mistake. Criticize the performance
and not the performer. Do not express personal resentment. Ask for
suggestions for improvement. Do not overdo it. If others change
congratulate them. Close on a positive note with appreciation. Smile and
be kind to people. It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. A smile
improves face value. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve looks.
Always learn to put positive interpretation on other people's behaviour.
One should be a good listener to improve relationship. Listening shows
caring. When we show caring attitude towards another person, that person
feels important. When he feels important he is motivated and becomes
receptive to our ideas. 'Nothing great is ever achieved without
enthusiasm.' said, Ralph Waldo Emerson. Charles Schwab, a steel
producer who was earning a salary of a million dollar a year when asked
about his success said, 'I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among
men the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best of that in
a man is by appreciation and encouragement. '
Be honest and sincere in giving appreciation. The psychologist William
P Balachandra Bhat, Manager, State Bank Learning Centre, Tiruchirapalli
James said, 'One of the deepest desires of human being is the desire to be
appreciated. The feeling of being unwanted is hurtful.' Expensive Jewels
are not real gifts, those are apologies for shortcomings. We usually buy
gifts for people to compensate for not spending enough time with them.
Real gifts are those when we give part of ourselves. Appreciation should be
specific and spontaneous apart from sincere. We should not qualify
appreciation with a but. We should accept our mistakes willingly and
immediately. When other person realizes his mistake and admits the
mistake one should be graceful enough to accept it and give him a way out
to save his face by congratulating him for his admission. We should learn to
discuss and not to argue. The best way to win an argument is, to just avoid
it. Nobody has won an argument ever. If you think you won, then you lose.
Of course you lose it when you lose it. It is like fighting a losing battle.
Even if you win an emotional battle it leaves a residual ill will. The more
arguments you win the fewer friends you have. One has to practice
maturity, if one has to accomplish great things in life. The way a person
handles an argument is a reflection of his upbringing. Do not gossip.
Gossip tarnishes reputations, topples governments, wrecks marriages, ruins
careers and makes the innocent cry. Turn your promises into commitments.
Commitments come out of character and leads to conviction. Be grateful
and do not expect gratitude. Be dependable and practice loyalty. Have a
sense of humour. One should develop the quality to laugh at oneself. It
gives him the energy to bounce back.
CHAPTER 6
SUBCONSCIOUS MIND AND HABITS
We are all born to lead successful lives but our condition leads us to failure.
P Balachandra Bhat, Manager, State Bank Learning Centre, Tiruchirapalli
If we analyze, the successful person, he is doing something right in each
transaction and the failing person is repeating the same mistake in every
transaction. Some people keep practicing their mistakes and become
perfect in them. The ability to show courage in the face of adversity; show
restraint in the face of temptation; .choose happiness in the face of hurt;
show character in the face of despair; see opportunity in the face of
obstacles is great. These are not coincidences but a result of constant
training. Our thoughts lead to actions, action leads to habits, and habits
form character and character determines our destiny. We have to form
good habits by conditioning. The elephants are conditioned to stay in one
place with a weak rope. The elephant, when it is a baby is tied to a strong
chain and a strong tree. It keeps tugging and pulling the chain, all in vain. A
day comes when it realizes that all the tugging and pulling will not help. It
stops and stands still. It is conditioned. When it grows big it is tied to a
weak rope which it does not pull because of the conditioning. If we feed
our mind with thoughts of fear, doubt and hate, the subconscious converts
them into reality. We are creatures of habit. We control our habits by
exercising control and self-discipline over our thoughts. We all can form
positive habits. We can prepare our subconscious by autosuggestion and
visualization.
CHAPTER 7
GOAL-SETTING
If you know the destination then knowledge helps you to reach your
destination.
Let us see the story of Florence Chadwick. On July 4, 1952 Florence
Chadwick was on her way to swim the Catalina Channel. Even though she
was striving to reach the shore frantically she saw only dense fog through
her goggles. She gave up because she was unable to see the shore. She
P Balachandra Bhat, Manager, State Bank Learning Centre, Tiruchirapalli
was very disappointed when she found later that she was only half a mile
from the coast when she gave up. Two moths after that incident she swam
the Catalina Channel despite bad weather. She just kept her eyes on the
goal.
When we are not sure of our end point any road may lead us to it. People
shun away from setting goals due to pessimistic attitude, fear of failure,
lack of ambition, fear of rejection, Procrastination and lack of knowledge
about goal setting.
Most of the people when asked what is their major objective in life, they
may say “I want to be successful”. This is only a vague wish and not a goal.
When we buy a plane ticket We want to know the starting point, price,
destination, starting date etc, the goal also should be SMART. That is, a
goal should be S Specific, M Measurable, A Achievable, R Realistic and
T Time Bound. A goal should be a balanced one. It should be consistent
with our health and social responsibility. It should be consistent with our
values. Mere activity without accomplishing anything is meaningless.
CHAPTER 8
VALUES AND VISION
THE SEVEN deadly sins are wealth without work; pleasure without
conscience; knowledge without character; commerce without morality;
science without humanity; religion without sacrifice; and politics without
principle. The ultimate test of our value system is to subject ourselves to
the Mama test. Whatever you are doing at home or at work or alone ask
yourself. ‘If my Mama were to see me doing, what I am doing right now,
would she be proud of me.' If you feel, she would feel proud do it.’ Values
and virtues are not hereditary. They are learnt. How do we like to be
remembered?
A newspaper reported wrongly in its obituary “Dynamite King Dies”, “He
was the merchant of death”. The person was alive and when he saw the
obituary column of his death, he felt bad. He felt bad because he knew
about how he would be remembered after his death. From that day he
started to work for peace. He was none other that Alfred Nobel who
invented dynamite. He is remembered today not as a Dynamite King but by
the great Nobel Prizes. Commitments to Values and Ethics are the greatest
commitments.
We should learn to live a purposeful life. We should definitely have a vision
in life. Everything we see today were dreams which became realities later
on. We should very well remember that Winners do not do different things.
They do things differently.
P Balachandra Bhat, Manager, State Bank Learning Centre, Tiruchirapalli