ym south east asia tour of duty free -...

YM SOUTH EAST ASIA

TOUR OFDUTY FREERl reprobate Will Mee gets drunk and

i.A DiNG in Sinnspcra I'ro shrttixtgWyself sa 1 chew gum ui a cxruntrywhore rk'E Il!eyal W re o¢tfy here fat

-%F my tit fin the tvay towa organ ae lxkars for our trigsand hit downtown. Nine standarddairilte later, we end up to the Rotorsl-Iusel. 4-imp Ql ihP 9ingaprne Sling.We're about to w-der a mund untilone of the bays pretends to toot eatone lion. We're quickly shown Lhedoot and wander down to a karaaltebat, where we cut our bases atahaut 4am - it's tuna to head backto the airport anyway We stop hleinto Inc gate lovnQe and try not topass out before our flight

AT HO Chi Mlnh Aifport, we'regteatedbyasoeia from a zombiehorror flick as people march cowardus with arms outstretched. Thev re

tan drivers promising tie thnr,heapest ride. We pick a tluiec bloketo the taunt who tunas out to haa road-raged. homhonkmg lurancwho enn't locatE leis indicatorsFeelltttt lurks to make the hostel,we hit the sack. naives rltatta ed.Wewakotothe5aalnrmand

out itric: iaua dart The nananapenoakee go doom a treat, the rawpark noodlua don't We haven't eventfinished and a Make delnunq to hooat tow guide huat]mt us w a hutsfor the ride to the. Gu Clu tunnefa-

An arserahling two hoots later,were at the ondargraund labyrinthused in the wenlapt War, eomµtetewith its own st]ooting none. We liraan M1 i and nearly deafen ourselves.Turns out we're s1'at shots.

Ncxc_ we get to do the "tnupelrule" - a three-minute chili throughabout 100m of tunnel that evet7Rove would stnrggle to tlt in. Afterwhat ceeme 1:Le house. ureaige

gasping for air, rrovaeed in a¢atuheslrr_ldng like I've gone Eight. :mindswith Vlc DI¢cftlnvaru and a Lsrick.

Bark in Ho Chi Minh Cicy. wo h7ttunppy hour dt. a har mace e11tu01yof bantboa. Cfte of tuts 44y9 hetil lugcan down mie'Cequile t5rrridsa5 itrtifu nunutee. Within 20 mmutea hasMotto. He yueIe to :he Bunny to havea r3iuck but doeaiit rotrlrt - Whctiwe get hack to the hnstel m tileearly lours of the morning we fithim sprawled an the bed minus hisv,a'.Iat. The pussq tens us ha gotmugged by lour girls on rrsupeda

Next rnorrsng, I'm dragged out ofbed for a booze awee in the SouthChina era_ We Lump rm the boat andI try not to epew.

Altar I spew, I feel a little better.Someone screams, "Floating hueopen, " In the wets! 1 sea E blokewith a bleaaver ring mound himand an eeky tied to it. I jump in andenjoy a few beverages.

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We arrive hack in the afternoonand head to the War RemnantMuseum. The place makes youmabse haw badly the war !-kedup the country. After a fewenbering hours we head homefor beers on the balcony.

The following evening we boarda night [r". to the onastal resorttown Nha Ttang. We've heard afens hector atories about the nighttrains en we organise a watcfm anroster. I get that shaft and theboys ate asleep before 1 have thechance to rip up my bag. I ncckItrttl Iugh-alert mode. Within lflminutes I'm asleep.

In Nha 7teng. we hire scrummotorcycles and nearly killourselves in the traffic, an wedowngrade to mountain bikes.Were an the road for five minuteswhen the heaviest rain I ve everseen destroys our map and, withit. ollr will to live.

We're soon cycling throughpedal-deep water and the town.with its nonexistent drainage

[IIIm X71 i L b gmyself as

I chew gu-rnin a country

where itsillegal"

system, looks like the set of themovie The Pertec¢ Storm,

Dospite the lain coming downhazder ban Ran Jeremy, we grabsome beach tune fat a couple of daysthen head back tp to Chi Minh CityWe get to the station 15 minutesbefore our train leaves only to he toldit was washed off the side of themuunt,airn We stare at the clerk andwonder it she's serious. She A.

We bo k the next available trainand then grab a loaar to Cambodiatncapita] Phnom Perth

OUR hostel has arranged a pick-up for us by a laca3 tuk'tuk driverHarried P,ainbow- '!ha bloke whoruns the haste; - an Aussie calledPaul - can't compete with himin the name stakes, but be's achamp and the rooms a o beaut.

After setting the auenn toArctic tundra' and chilling for

a hit, Rainbow takes ne on a nightmotorbike tout of P3mom Penh.It's a coo] city. mixing old withnow. The ai±hitecture is topsand so is the nlghtlde.

The heat day we arrive at the`killing fields" feeling a mixtureof ankpetion and dread Inthe centre is a tall monumentencasing the skulls of hundredsof murdered people. The numberof kids' skulls is fughtenmg. Allthis la. of course, a result of thebrutal reign of the bastard KhmerRouge, who wanted to turn theplace into a peasant-dommatedsociety by killing educated menwomen and their families.



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TRAVEL SOUTH EAST ASIA

On the bus to Angkor Wet thenext day, my travel corupaninnis a rooster. the air-oar. is hrakanarid there ace mate people thanSeai9. A Frenrh Sheila ctack9 theshits A couple of pissed Kiwistell her to. "Sit ]e i-k down!" Halfa day ]star WC'ra iit Siam Reap.base town lot Angkrrr U1'at. Atour ?]gate[, there will be a 4amwake-up cal] to Bee the sunrise.

Nothing compares to AngkorWat. Teniplas built frcta the9th to the 13th Century stretchkit hundiedn of kays in everydirection, all with their owncarvings and significance. Wehead to the temp?e wberis TvrnbBalder was filmed and say a silentplayer to Angelica Joke's boats.

WE ENTER Thailand only to betold flangkok Airport has beentaken ovor by 5404 bastards inyellow shirts. Th;ey'iu People's

"The bananapancakesto down a

Ll ect L , theraw pork

noodles

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"-4:- Hit An(Illarwat

Alliance for Domoctacy protaetorstrying to kick out the goveimnent.I suggest to the boys that arechuck on a yellow shirt and wall[Out After n day wandering moundBangkok, we realise how hardcorsthe airport siege is and head downto Pheket instead.

We spend the nights drinkingand days at the beach renting deckchairs and jet skis. By the lastright, we're broke. We buy a fewbottles of vodka and a carton ofRed Bull and hide it under a quiettable in the comer Ot a busy barWet let around of bears, eltalthem, then fill the umpties withthe vodka and Red Bull.

An hour later nut daring plan isunravelled by a plucky waitress.Thanltiully, she just pulls out a setcd Connect tour and tells rue toorder a sound. If ] win. the drinksare free. [' she writs. I Lake off mypants. AM down the main road andthen pay Tin too ptssfid to say no.

The first game takes hat toneturns to boat me. The next takesfive. After taking my pants ofttwice and being a few dollars outof pocket. I focus, I win the nexttwo games find score a soundcf 3ayer bombs and beers forthe boys.eryone is happy.

I wake an our final day in Phuketfeeling crook We find the nearestclinic but the bloke's name is DrPomsak. I decide to try my luckwith 6811 medication and Ni thepharmacy tat the strongestpainkillers they have. I'm handedtwo tablets. Thare's no packet.

A couple of hours later we're onthe plant and the seaLhelL sign haslust been switched off. Half a dozencell butters in the wtccnity qo attas the bye ask for their first beers.Its going to be a long flight home...

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ym south east asia tour of duty free -...

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