workzine vol issue 6

19
The Fatty Worker It took James<StanChart> three hours to walk from Yusuf Lule road to Kitintale. The occasion: a strike had paralysed the transport system. Mary<UWESO> could not bear the though of walking from Rubaga to Kisaasi, so she just stayed at a friends place nearby. Part of the problem was fear, the other, mainly in James’ case was simply being unfit. Ian, <Mengo Hospital >, Used to be a rugby player and had training every day. His six pack would make girls swoon. Right now , his desk job has made that one pack. “I sit here for eight to ten hours a day . No time for exercise.” Shante <withheld> bemoans the loss of her figure. “I used to be this svelte figure that had all the men dropping,. Now am this big mama. The plus is that richer men are hitting on me. ” she says with a mischievous glint in her eye. Don <AIG> is having a hard time with work related ailments. “my back is giving way. I have these stupid pains and I’m almost stooped. I complain like my grandfather yet am only 34.” William, a health consultant with Google, blames everything on the desk job “I used to have a six pack and was well toned but right now , I look like a skeleton. This sitting around doing nothing is weak.” Bitu<Fort Jesus> is wondering what the fuss is about “those guys just lack discipline . I have maintained my figure without any adverse effect and no extra effort.” Mariam <CitiBank> concurs “I think its all about being able to control yourself. ” Oscar <renaissance capital> thinks those girls are mad “what do they mean control? I work from dawn tll dusk and by the time I leave work I’m too tired to hit the gym. The only muscle I exercise is the brain.” Enoch <datanet> blames it on the improved standard of living “when we were on campus, chips and chicken was the highest one could go. Now I can afford different buffets around town or go for BBQs with my boys. Obviously I’m gonna gain a few kilos.” Laeticia <PalaisDacha> thinks it’s all a load of bull**** “ its not lack of exercise or eating too much. Its about genetics. Trust me I know. If its not in the blue print, you wont gain weight or even lose it.” The Global Conversation We’re back with news about the work- places. At least that’s our pretext for this publication. So, I’ve been looking at the internet and the future of journalism. See, the idea of live news broadcasts came about because of the invention of such devices as portable tape and video recorders. With the knowledge that these devices were out there, the demand for real-time news went up. It was no longer just enough to get the story; you had to get it as it unfolded. That is why today, live events have some of the most expensive ad slots on television. But things change, yesterday’s poster boy can easily become tomorrow’s has been, it takes a willingness to embrace change and keep up with the times to survive in today’s brutal business world. Which brings me to today’s buzz word, “Social Media Networks” the likes of which include Face- book, YouTube, Twitter, MySpace and I’m sure a plethora of others. Earlier this year when the Persians (Iran) went to the polls and violence ensued, the state shutdown the mainstream media, a tactic it had successfully employed in the past. This time however, the Social Net- works took over and the only independent information coming out of Iran was from bloggers, and ordinary people on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube. A new term has been coined for these people; they are called “Citizen Journalists.” I am one of these and consider myself a member of “The Free Press”. Newsweek has an interesting article titled “Rise of the Citizen Journalist” which highlights how mainstream media houses are trying to build a business model around the concept. Interestingly a good number of my friends cannot be convinced to join twitter or Rocking you from the desk WorkZine October 14 2009 | Volume 1 | Issue 6

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Page 1: WorkZine Vol Issue 6

The Fatty WorkerIt took James<StanChart> three hours to walk from

Yusuf Lule road to Kitintale. The occasion: a strike

had paralysed the transport system. Mary<UWESO>

could not bear the though of walking from Rubaga to

Kisaasi, so she just stayed at a friends place nearby.

Part of the problem was fear, the other, mainly in

James’ case was simply being unfit. Ian, <Mengo

Hospital >, Used to be a rugby player and had training

every day. His six pack would make girls swoon. Right

now , his desk job has made that

one pack. “I sit here for eight

to ten hours a day . No time for

exercise.” Shante <withheld>

bemoans the loss of her figure.

“I used to be this svelte figure

that had all the men dropping,.

Now am this big mama. The plus is that richer men are

hitting on me. ” she says with a mischievous glint in

her eye. Don <AIG> is having a hard time with work

related ailments. “my back is giving way. I have these

stupid pains and I’m almost stooped. I complain like

my grandfather yet am only 34.” William, a health

consultant with Google, blames everything on the

desk job “I used to have a six pack and was well toned

but right now , I look like a skeleton. This sitting

around doing nothing is weak.” Bitu<Fort Jesus> is

wondering what the fuss is about “those guys just

lack discipline . I have maintained my figure without

any adverse effect and no extra effort.” Mariam

<CitiBank> concurs “I think its all about being able to

control yourself. ” Oscar <renaissance capital> thinks

those girls are mad “what do they mean control?

I work from dawn tll dusk and by the time I leave

work I’m too tired to hit the gym. The only muscle I

exercise is the brain.” Enoch <datanet> blames it on

the improved standard of living

“when we were on campus,

chips and chicken was the

highest one could go. Now I can

afford different buffets around

town or go for BBQs with my

boys. Obviously I’m gonna gain

a few kilos.” Laeticia <PalaisDacha> thinks it’s all a

load of bull**** “ its not lack of exercise or eating too

much. Its about genetics. Trust me I know. If its not in

the blue print, you wont gain weight or even lose it.”

The Global ConversationWe’re back with news about the work-places. At least that’s our pretext for this publication. So, I’ve been looking at the internet and the future of journalism. See, the idea of live news broadcasts came about because of the invention of such devices as portable tape and video recorders. With the knowledge that these devices were out there, the demand for real-time news went up. It was no longer just enough to get the story; you had to get it as it unfolded.

That is why today, live events have some of the most expensive ad slots on television. But things change, yesterday’s poster boy can easily become tomorrow’s has been, it takes a willingness to embrace change and keep up with the times to survive in today’s brutal business world. Which brings me to today’s buzz word, “Social Media Networks” the likes of which include Face-book, YouTube, Twitter, MySpace and I’m sure a plethora of others.

Earlier this year when the Persians (Iran) went to the polls and violence ensued, the state shutdown the mainstream media, a tactic it had successfully employed in the past. This time however, the Social Net-works took over and the only independent information coming out of Iran was from bloggers, and ordinary people on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube. A new term has been coined for these people; they are called “Citizen Journalists.” I am one of these and consider myself a member of “The Free Press”. Newsweek has an interesting article titled “Rise of the Citizen Journalist” which highlights how mainstream media houses are trying to build a business model around the concept.

Interestingly a good number of my friends cannot be convinced to join twitter or

Rocking you from the deskWorkZine

October 14 2009 | Volume 1 | Issue 6

Page 2: WorkZine Vol Issue 6

facebook let alone use an email address. I feel sorry for them because by the time they jump on the bandwagon the rest of us will probably be using holograms.

Twitter happens to be my favourite applica-tion despite the fact that it goes down every now and then. My reasons are simple really, it costs me 12/= to log in on my phone (Nokia 6230) and see the latest tweets, another 12/= to send a tweet to the people following me. That’s Shs. 24! A whole lot cheaper than an SMS of 110/=. I can send direct, private messages to a particular per-son; I can limit access to my tweets to only those I wish to follow me but most of all I can partake in what I like to call a “global conversation”. I get to follow my favourite writer Neil Gaiman (@neilhimself) and a myriad of people from all corners of the world. Twitter for me is news as it happens!

I remember a few months ago learning from @inteligensia (Nairobi) that the oldest pupil in the world had passed away, a story that only made it to news networks eight hours later. The news of MJs death broke on twitter first and went viral so fast that Twitter’s servers couldn’t keep up. It was for twitter what the Gulf war was for CNN or what the Palestinian Intifada was for Al Jazeera. In this age of information, perhaps staying ahead of the game means embrac-ing new technologies and adapting them to your business. See how I brought in a workish dimension there, apparently that’s what this e-zine is about. Anyway, if you want to have a chat with me, you can find me @rhinorck and my boss is @workzine. Enjoy yourselves.

Oh, and I’m also supposed to tell you that there’s some sort of photo shoot/party/fun stuff for the workzine soon. Of course, all the details will be available on the world’s first experiment in anarchy, the internet! Ciao

Editor’s Word Cont’d

I made Javas my choice. My behavior makes me an asset to Javas, the kind no company can have too many of: a steady customer. Javas make a few investments to preserve me-as-an-asset. It gives me privileged service; it can make customized alterations to my order; it reserves the best seats for my guests and I; it keeps attracting and introducing me to spectacular individuals in every cog of the marketplace; the staff chat me up from time to time when I need it. It invests enough to maintain my allegiance. Every business with customers has customer capital which I’d define as the value of its franchise; it’s ongoing relationships with the people or organizations to which it sells. If the intangibles in customer relationships were not truly valuable, they would go unrewarded, because the market doesn’t let a business get away with a price increase which it has not earned – which is what Javas did recently – at least not for long. The closer the partnership between the business and its customers, the greater its profits shall grow. At the bottom are transactions, where sellers simply sell and buyers merely buy. If you buy phones for your sales force off the shelf from an electronics store, you will simply buy from whoever sells at a decent price: there is little either of you can do that will overcome the fact that you’d

switch suppliers to get a better price. But say you want phones made to your specifications, with features your sales force particularly needs. Then you are looking for a product solution. To find it, you will have to share more information with your supplier, and vice versa. And you will create a tighter bond: Not every manufacturer can meet your specifications or give you the quick service you require. You are still focused on the product but you will probably pay a premium because you had the phones customized for you. At a business solution level, the product becomes secondary. You, the buyer, have a business problem: You want your sales force to spend more time on the road but still keep in touch with the office; and to do that, you want a communication system that will link mobile phones, voice mail and e-mail. Getting that requires that you and your supplier share a lot of information about your needs and his capabilities; and its probable that your relationship will last a long time because you value his expertise and he does not want to lose your business. In fact, the price you pay will include a substantial fee for the supplier’s expertise; he might sell you the mobile phones for near cost and make his profit from the fee he charges you from designing the system.

Finally, a fully fledged partnership, the supplier might actually take over the management of the communications system, an outsourcing deal in which the supplier becomes an extension of your business – and you of his. Rather than negotiate a purchase you will negotiate a contract, and the supplier will assume financial responsibility for providing the communication system and other equipment to run it. As you move the transaction to partnership, the supplier increases his margins, his share of customer, and his security – ultimately his customer capital. These are intense and demanding relationships. They are also intensely rewarding to both parties. If a cynic observing your business wonders if you are more loyal to the customer than to your business then you are on the right track.

Davis Musinguzi<the writer is an enterprising person who enjoys quality service and apparently knows how to give it>

CustOmer CAPItALthe Glue that Keeps Businesses in Business Every day, every evening there is a special coffee shop that shall be visited, Javas Coffee Shop, Bombo Road. Just next door

is another coffee shop designed to provide seemingly similar goods and services. I could choose to go to either of them for the same price.

Retirement Watch

Page 3: WorkZine Vol Issue 6

Strange StuffHalf goat half man satyr

-like creature born in Zimbabwe

EvolutionAnother “missing link ”

found

Human RightsRape and guns used to

suppress riots in Guinea

Did you know that any employee who has completed more than one month’s continuous service to his or her

employer and is unable to work due to sickness or injury is entitled to sick pay?

For the first month’s absence from work he or she is entitled to full wages and every other benefit stipulated in

his/her contract of service BUT if at the end of the second month the sickness of the employee continues, the

employer is entitled to terminate the contract on complying with the terms of the contract of service.

For the employee to be entitled to sick leave he or she must notify his or her employer as soon as is practicable

as to why he or she is unable to work and must also produce at intervals of not more than a week a written

certificate from a qualified medical practitioner certifying his or her incapacity for work and the duration of the

incapacity.

Jacque Kasoma <The writer is a lawyer with the Uganda Human Rights Commission and believes in paying it

forward by sharing her knowledge. You can follow her on twitter at @jaqa if she lets you.>

off the shelf solutions.General Business Consultancy including budgeting, •

planning, inventory management, cash flow management, capital raising and credit advisory, capital budgeting and financial advisory. The business consultancy and advisory market today is polarized by price and quality of service provided. There are market players whose cost is prohibitive to the average Ugandan business man and on the other side of the spectrum there are players that provide mediocre services albeit at a more reasonable cost.

At EDGE CONSULT, our hallmark is value addition. Our approach involves a comprehensive understanding of our client’s operation and application of tailored solutions that address client issues and achieve beyond expected results. We believe in quality service delivery and are prepared to go the extra mile for our clients. Our costing is an honest reflection of the agreed upon input and the resource utilization for the job.Our principles are; Innovation, Value, Integrity, Independence, FlexibilityWho we are: Edge consult is a team of two young, energetic and dynamic chartered certified accountants (ACCA affiliated), together forming a formidable pool of talent, knowledge and practical experience. Our clients benefit greatly from this flexible team who understand the value of good service and make it a point to deliver to beyond our client’s expectations. We are focused on value.

Edge Consult (U) Limited P.O.Box 24961 Kampala Flat 11 Uganda House Plot 9-10 Kampala Road [email protected] +256-70-2-614-634

Business Watch

Newsbytes

Hunger

Drought affects 23 million across East Africa

RegionalEAC common market by July 2010

Bravery

Kashmir girl overpowers armed militant attackers

and kills one

InternetAmbitious google wave tries to take internet to the

next level

DisastersNatural disasters devastate Asia

EDGE CONSULT is dedicated to providing business support solutions that add tangible value to our client’s business and ultimately their bottom line. We offer a comprehensive bouquet of services including;

TAX advisory services • including tax computations, tax advisory and relationship management with the URA)

Accounting (Preparation • and Analysis of financial statements)

Accounting Systems • installation training and support (mainly QUICK-BOOKS and TALLY)

Internal controls and • internal audit (we plan, design, implement and report on the effectiveness of business internal controls)

Management Information • Systems; we design tailored simple solutions to meet management information needs for decision making as well as install and train clients on

Know Your RightsThe Employment Act 2006

Sick Pay

Page 4: WorkZine Vol Issue 6

Making Money- The Triple Pride Project

From her drawer, she pulled out 3 blue forms with 8 names, the 1st name being the Triple Pride Project (TPP). The names, some of which were familiar corresponded with account numbers and bank names. Well, the form process was not a hard procedure to comprehend. With the requirements being as reasonable as an initial capital of Shs. 45,000, a bank account and 3 interested people, I thought it was worth giving a try after all; it was a once off procedure. The process demanded that you deposit Shs. 5000 to each member on the list directly to their accounts and Shs. 10,000 on the Triple project account. I was convinced. If I can drink away Shs 50,000 in one weekend, why not gamble on this one? Armed with one of the forms, I left, ready to do business.I went to the bank, opened up a fresh savings account (such that I separate it from my salary account), with Equity bank. My preference for this bank was because it was absolutely hustle free, no photos, initial deposit, sijui guarantors/signatories and the sort, just an ID. I then proceeded to pay all the 7 members plus the Project. Equipped with my 8 deposit slips, I headed to the TPP offices at the Qualicel terminal and OMG, the queue was so long, with people from all walks of life both young and old, mostly women. The crowd was a mixture of students, possibly from universities and ones in vac (could tell from their jeans and dress tops), Kikuubo and arcade business ladies and gentlemen (could tell from their ‘kusubula’ conversation and

from the men wearing their trousers chest high, the corporate class (from their suits and high heels) and of course the “Kiggunda” and “nigina” classes (from their Straka hair). I however decided to cancel all other programs for the day and queue up once and for all. On finally reaching, the arrogant lady takes her f***n time and before she displays more of her arrogance, there’s a power cut. “Mukomewo enkya” she yells. I leave miserably but ¾ of the people choose to wait for power.By 7am the following day, I was at the TPP office; I handed in my form, name, bank account, bank name and the deposit slips. After about 8 minutes, I received a print out of 3 similar forms with my name appearing number 2, number one being the TPP. Once a new member was enlisted, the last name was scraped off to maintain only 8 names. All I had to do now was give out the 3 forms to individuals who were willing to go through the same process and make money. For whoever I recruited, their name would be number 2 and mine 3, if they recruited, they would be number 3 and I number 4…..each member entering the scheme would pay me Shs 5000 each member on the list and Shs 10,000 to TPP. Assuming I recruited 3, I would have 15,000 deposited on my account, the 3 would recruit 3, giving me Shs 45,000, the 9 would bring in 3 each, giving me 135,000 etc. I would therefore need for my line/tree to have 729 people for me to accumulate Shs 3,645,000 for each form making a

Everyone has come across a get rich quick scheme - which almost never works. As I was contemplating one of my get rich quick schemes on a June weekend, I receive a text message from a female friend saying that all my problems were going to be solved but insisted I see her in person for details. I rushed from Ntinda to Kiwatule on a boda-b in the quest of satisfying my curiosity and a possibility of finally being able to mint my own dime.

Trying to stay fit at work can be a hassle but try out these easy to do activities

You cannot plant greatness as you plant yams or maize. Who ever planted an iroko tree—the greatest tree in the forest?

You may collect all the iroko seeds in the world, open the soil and put them there. It will be in vain.

The great tree chooses where to grow and we find it there, so it is with greatness in men

Chinua Achebe, No Longer At Ease , Anchor Books (1994)

5Tips To Keep Healthy and

Fit

Take The StairsIf not in a rush, walk up or

down the stairs instead of taking the lift

SleepSleep at least 6 hours every

night.

Fruits and VeggiesSubstitute one of your meals

with fruits and vegetables or at least 50%of the meal . Sweet fruits and boiled vegetables are advised

Walk

Walk that short distance instead of using a car or

motorcycle

Workout

Pick up a sport: start doing a game you have always

enjoyed such as badminton, tennis, etc at least once a week

Betty Chaka <Heifer Project Interna-tional>

Page 5: WorkZine Vol Issue 6

total of about 10,935,000. If I worked hard (brought more individuals and even helped them distribute their forms), I could achieve this in 4 months, I thought.In exactly 2 days, I had given out the 3 forms to my workmates who in turn gave out theirs. After 3 weeks, I took a stroll to Equity bank and I found a whooping Shs 430,000 on my account. I immediately applied for a bank statement which I later handed out to members to use as a convincing tool in bringing in new members. We sure got more money such that by the end of the 3rd month, I had accumulated a little over Shs 2 million! Interestingly, like other similar projects I knew the TPP would collapse or shut down at one time which gave me the notion to save and think of an investment.What was it with these guys? Inquiring about the authenticity of the Project in papers? Anyway, all these queries brought TPP into the lime light and under question and scrutiny from concerned citizens, Bank of Uganda and of course Uganda Revenue Authority. Yes, the Project was minting huge sums of money from the public (Shs 10,000 from each new individual) but so were we, from each other. The project overwhelmed by the number of people joining the scheme opened up other 2 offices as well as other branches in neighboring districts. It was assumed that over 17,000 people were on the project by August, 3 months since it set off on June 11th. Do the maths for the millions on the TPP account. Soon the daring public lost interest due to the bad publicity and it became increasingly hard to convince guys to join. Equity bank started rejecting money paid to TPP member’s accounts (yet it was business for them, it actually increased the banks customer base) citing the project had issues to sort with BoU. Thereafter, the amounts deposited on our accounts began to dwindle and today, we receive no deposits at all.Why would someone complain about a project they are not involved in whereas those involved are not and are comfortable? Call it mourning more than the owner of the corpse. Well, for those who care to know, for us who were easily convinced and joined the project as soon as it had started benefited from it greatly. For those who did not benefit and yet were convinced by me to join, am sorry. This made my get rich scheme possible as I used this money as capital to start a quick money lending business. Thanks to TPP, I can pay my rent, bills, my sibling’s tuition and save for constructing my house. For those who declined to join especially the men given their pride, not seeing themselves convincing 3 people to join the scheme, those who declined for moral reasons and wanted their conscience clean and of course those who claimed to be saved, I say, in every business, we take a risk and like in the movie Pursuit of happiness, Will Smiths son told him a story; “dad, there’s this man sailing on a boat at sea, a storm came and amidst his predicament, a ship came to his rescue, he refused the offer and said God would save him. The second ship came and the third, he still said God would save him. He unfortunately drowned, died and went to heaven, asked God why he did not save him. God said “I sent you 3 boats you idiot.”

Bileni Irene <The writer clearly knows how to work a pyramid scheme and on that note will have to buy me a burger one of these days>

Let’s Strike a Deal!Cont’d: Making Money- The Triple Pride Project

I have been thinking of late. The many promises I made to forever remember our dear departed few. Let’s take Michael Male (RIP) for example. He was a very dear friend of mine, upon helping me cross the fateful Entebbe Road; he was knocked dead by a speeding Taxi as he crossed back. Saddening to think that of all the beauty this world has to offer, the last seconds of Michaels life where spent with my useless talk of how I will pack Milk in the next term’s grab and that he should bring the ‘gueke’ and ‘small doughnuts’ .Asio (RIP) helped us in the agriculture class develop our entrepreneurial skills in the chicken project, when we collected 3000/= each, bought chicks to later sell fully grown chicken to the school at 45000/=, albeit we had to wake up in turns to tend to them at hours of all sorts of colour. And that’s not to mention our dear Kavuma Michael (RIP), Brother PP & NN (Martin)… (Fill in the gaps). Let’s admit the list is not just long, it only gets longer. All this without any of us getting personal – lest we lose this article – and I am determined to hold every bit of its loose ends.Mortals, lets strike a deal. I agree I will forget you as I did those precious before you. You are granted full rights to forget every bit about the writer. For as my greatest poet Thomas Hardy mentioned in the master piece called “Lisby Brown” – ‘… for memory must decay’Pardon my memory when you alter the center of gravity of the proverbial bucket contingent upon you (or whatever peril it be) subjecting to the bucket ‘hard contact’. As consideration thereof I grant you full rights to allow your memory to decay to whatever degree. That’s the deal. That way we may avoid vain promises on endless memory which we all know has failed the best of us.

Ronald Rwakigumba <the writer has a weird sense of nostalgia. Which goes well with his job as an underwriter>

Page 6: WorkZine Vol Issue 6

Slang Woes

A month in the

life of a y’ung

corporate

A month in the life of a y’ung corporate

“Credit Crunch”…I kept mumbling the words as though I was preparing for spelling bee contest where the answer lay in that word.The drama was yet to start because I frequent the hired bi-cyclic means of transportation commonly known as a boda-boda.Now, my usual hired rider did little in trying to amuse me by claiming he needed UGX500 extra because of credit crunch…That was when the drama started, because, I thought that he needed the extra dimes to load airtime on his phone so that he could keep accessing FaceBook on his new 3G phone!And that is the only reason why I gave him the extra charge…”mbu Credit Crunch”!Then as I listened to the radio the other day, airplay gave way to a lady complaining about crunches…I heard, credit crunch, school fees crunch, airtime crunch…etc…Albeit another where the other had to move from Mengo to Ggaba only to find that after making a phone call, there had been no “Discount” where he had traveled to.So, this being a small city that you can go around in circles looking for nothing in particular, I decided to

settle where the golden froth tastes better somewhere near Pinnacle Security.I go about the imbibing of the cool froth before I managed to conjure up a few footsteps to a lady that preferred anonymity…But before I could manage enough words, the lady let loose a barrage of incomprehensible brew of slang and expletives of which I managed to only to catch the word “hahad”.I rushed away for fear of further embarrassment and reached the loos…But small brains did not allow this to eat away at my mind…I asked a trusted buddy of mine that is very familiar with these varsityesque language…He had a good laugh…and just when I was sure my airtime had run out, he broke a simplified explanation to me.Thank God, I had more money to drown myself in more frothy liquids.I truly hassle living in Kampala…I have hahad this Kampala and the Credit Crunch, mbu!

Sly <the writer is a logistics person (what are they called?) who has problems keeping up with the lingo>

We have hang onto catch phrases and many a time, these have become part of us…The other day, I heard people using “hahad”. I thought my PC dictionary was outdated when I kept getting errors on that word.Then there is this new one, and I spell, M.B.U.That one has played me for a while coz I had to call Abid, a distant friend of mine to find out if he could figure it out. But one has really gotten to me, the only other problem being that this one was actually defined in the PC Dictionary.

Books that have been banned in some countries around the world including American classrooms.

10TOP BANNED BOOKS

The Color Purple

It depicts the life of a young black girl, Celie, who speaks about her life in letters to God. It has been banned because of its extreme and graphic violence, troubling ideas about relations between races, African history, human sexuality, and man’s relationship with God.

10

To Kill a Mocking Bird

The book is known for its humour and warmth while still dealing with critical and serious issues such as racism, rape, and loss of innocence. It is extremely prejudice and stereotypical. The novel also portrays an assault that is somewhat sexual, resulting in a rape. Vulgar language, including the “n” word, is also used.

08

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings

This novel is an autobiography of the early life of Maya Angelou. The book has been banned because of its explicit scenes of rape and other sexual abuse, as well as violence, homosexuality, and vulgar language.

09

Brave New World

This book revolves around a setting of a drugged, dull and mass society. The book is a parody of a utopian society. The book has been banned for its strong themes of drugs, sexuality, and suicide

07

Let me take you through the life of a Y’ung Corporate in the best way it re-peats itself or should I say revolves. A Y’ung Corporate’s month starts with the ever assumed salary hitting the account on the 28th… Okay now I know you are all asking how a month starts on the 28th but the date of salary pay-ment is start of the month, so count along with me.So the Y’ung gun is paid and he knows he is paid and his friends and pals and haters know he is paid but nooo … he must tell you that he is paid.

How does he do it? He makes it rain on the first weekend of the month (usually, 4th to 8th). Anyhow the Y’ung brotha will buy a lot of lagers for all his hommies and some haters who sneak in during happy hour (when our paid brotha is tipsy). If you are under the cloud of salary-dimes you are likely to have great chances of lagers with scattered pork and meat sausages pending on location. A really paid Y’ung Corporate may cause thunderstorms of about 100 to 200 USD deep of rain in a single first weekend of the month.Now the Y’ung Corporate will realize that he blew a lot of dime on the first weekend but he still wants to show that he makes it rain like Weezy. So he will change venues and instead hit or throw house parties in commemoration of any B.S that he finds worth celebrating. He will basically get the lagers and waragi on credit from his local pub and probably ask you to enjoy the punch first so that the party can go on and on. The ziki is free from one of his mix tape CDs and there may or may not be mchomo at the party depending on which sex he is trying most to impress......cont’d on page 7

Page 7: WorkZine Vol Issue 6

I have always had long hair, it was my thing. One could say it was an integral part of the definition of me, that is, until I cut it short. It’s important to issue a disclaimer at this point, that I did not cut it all off. I just got a simple pixie cut, meaning my previously shoulder length mane barely grazes my neck now.

What amused me are the different reactions I got from different people. Most of my guy friends didn’t even notice. Sometimes I think that if I dyed my hair white my guy friends still wouldn’t notice. My friends loved it and I guess that’s why they are my friends. The people I work with

were mortified. They kept telling me how I had such nice hair like quality of my hair has changed just because it’s shorter and most of them just didn’t

understand the haircut. See, it has choppy ends and not a refined even end and they all just kept saying that I need to get it re-done and I just couldn’t bring myself to keep explaining to every single person that that was the point.

Which brings me to the question; at what point does your fashion sense stop conforming and start defining just you? I have always had a schizophrenic sense of fashion and I’m, right now, going through a bohemian phase which makes it kind of obvious that I am not much of a conformist. Strangely enough, this break from the norm in my dress sense is not reflected in other parts of my life. I went to school and now have a 9 to 5 which is the epitome of conformity, isn’t it? Maybe, my dress sense is my Anti-Victim Device. It allows me to still feel unique and still feel like an individual while I go about conforming in every other area of my life.

So I am probably not my hair but I still feel that fashion is essentially an expression of yourself. However lacking you may be in the artistic at least you have the presence of self to choose that particular shirt to go with that pair of pants and you trust that your selection says what you want it to say about you.All I’m saying is, basically, don’t be afraid to be out there with your fashion choices. Be bold and let your fashion sense speak to who you are as a person.Until next time, stay tuned. (Tuned is my way, albeit local, of saying smart or looking nice.)

Darlyne Komukama <The writer is nothing short of interesting and is an avid blogger at http://deeinanutshell.wordpress.com. She likes letting her hair down on Thursdays with Salsa lessons and Margaritas at Lotus Mexicana.>

Am I really not my hair?

A month in the life of a y’ung corporate

10TOP BANNED BOOKS

1984

The novel that depicts an extremely grim future of society. The society has no free will, truth, or privacy. The book tosses around the idea of “Big Brother,” which is still highly influential and popular in culture today. The book has also been challenged for sexual themes.

06

Catcher in the Rye

The novel explains three days in the life of a 16 year old boy, who is seen as extremely troubled. It is a true expression of teenage angst and rebellion against adults, and many have challenged the book because they fear younger people will look up to Holden, the main character.

04

Lolita

It analyzes the mind of a highly intelligent, self-loathing man named Humber Humbert, who is a paedophile and has an extreme obsession for “nymphets,” which are young girls, generally around the age of 12. Most countries have challenged the book because of its portrayal of a sexual relationship between a child and an adult.

05

from page 6After two weeks of blasting and having paid the landlord, for sure his dimes are fast waning and so must his plot for the weekend. If the Y’ung Corporate happens to be hitched, he will pray that the chickeedee does not request for a Saturday at the Barbeque. For good measure, he will seek relatives and friends who are tying the knot that weekend and ‘get invited’ to the party. For even better measure he will holla at his friends to accompany him to his cousin’s friend’s cousin’s wedding and they will party till 3 or 4 depending the cousin’s friend’s cousin’s family’s spiritual beliefs (I very much doubt if the savedee wedding would go past midnight).With the Y’ung Corporate having successfully gone through three hangovers then it would only signify that his boss is yet to write him a new cheque for work done that month. Trouble however comes when the Corporate Big Boss has to floss as well and is tied up with cash and such uses half of the salary meant for next month to throw a lavish party for his son’s wedding/grad/kwanjula (which you crashed over the fourth weekend) and as such has to delay salo for at least three-four days (count a week given cheque clearing days). Oooh, that only means our brotha won’t be able to make it rain on the first-weekend of the month. But you are at least sure, someone else will, so you do not really care.

RAFAYILI <the writer is evidently someone to keep around.>

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So here’s the thing, I’m actually doing my best to write something but my pc keeps yelling hurt-ful things at me like “I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!”. Well, not exactly in those words, but you catch my drift. How am I expected to work under these condi- tions? Oh, wait, what do you know, turning off the volume actually worked!! I suppose deleting the offending song would actually be a more permanent fix but let’s just say the person playing it plays only 3 songs, seri- ously, 3 do you know how annoying that is? And let’s just say I’d rather not cut on that number else the chap playing the “music” (yes, i mean the quotes) might end up acciden-tally dropping my hard disk with my music and equally accidentally dropping a hammer on it, running over it and then burning it, just for good mea- sure. I did say accidentally, right?Focus Rath, focus.Ok, so I’m getting a cat. Get your mind out of the gutter guys, even if it is v shaped, I mean an actual cat, a kitten actually... ooh boy, think I’m going to stop there on that one. I mean, I’m writing straight, or at least trying to, but captain subtext just won’t give me a break!! (for those of you who for some reason have never heard of captain subtext, well let me try to ex-plain... aw shoot, let’s just do this, here’s one: “Here’s how smart rats are: I’m walking through the park, and I see two rats. One of them distracts a squirrel... and the other one grabs his nuts.” First their ingenuity might impress you, and then you laugh, yep, that was captain subtext. (Btw, if you still haven’t gotten it, just wait for it.... still, nothing? Ask your workmate, if they don’t get it either, quit; life’s too short for you to keep working there))Now like i was saying, i’m getting a cat soon... aah, this is too hard. See, its not that like i’m constantly thinking at angle theta or whatever it’s just... ABID!! This is your fault, can’t even lis-ten to a respectable song now!! (for those who are wondering i’m talking about speed of sound, coldplay, Abid ruined it for me :-() Ok, something totally harmless, let’s see, food? Nope, thats not going to work, cuz suddenly i’m thinking sandwich and this chic he calls “the meat” comes to mind. (Two guys like her, do the math. I mean, really 1+1=? Or in this case 1+1+1= and no, the answer is not 3.)(on a side note, I just complained to my roommate about how i’m drawing a huge blank, sugges-tion, try Aqua Vitae. Direct translation: “Water of life” aka: “a concentrated aqueous solution of ethanol.” Seriously, Google it.) well, i suppose that would work, only i’d start churning out gib-berish that would only be understood by people who have partaken of this selfsame Aqua Vitae and those probably would be more concerned with going “Pull my finger” than anything in print, assuming they can see by then. It might make you feel alive, but it certainly does strange things to the eyes sometimes, you have heard of the morning after i’m sure, and no, i’m not talking about the headache. Ach, there i go again.I think I should like, you know, quit, now, while I’m still ahead. Get it?

Brian Coutinho < the writer is the reigning Warcraft Champion and many other things that we cannot reveal for your safety>

10TOP BANNED BOOKS

Harry Potter SeriesHarry Potter series tell the

tale and adventures of a young boy named Harry Potter, who is a wizard, and his friends Ron and Hermione. In 2001, parents from all over the U.S. and other parts of the world challenged the book because of its witchcraft, violence, the occult, and its overall scariness.

03

Candide

Candide is a classic French novel by Voltaire that satirizes all things that many saw sacred in its day. Churches, philosophers, armies, and rulers were all poked fun at.

02

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

Huckleberry Finn is a story of a young boy, Huck, and a runaway slave, Jim, who travel down the Mississippi in order to escape “sivilization.” At first, the book was banned for its use of slang, which was seen as demeaning. Over time, the focus shifted towards the fact that the novel uses the “n” word so many

01

.. idler’s corner......

Page 9: WorkZine Vol Issue 6

Today, i think it is wise that i educate the working class on how to have a vacation. You know after a fort-night of work; Monday to Friday, Monday to Friday, through Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday twice, any normal properly functioning human being needs a break. Some people go to Javas, sit in the booths and keep inviting friends till they have to bounce the couple in the next booth just incase one of their brothers decides to surprise them and pass by. (And one wonders where the surprise element fits in if he called jut before the an-nouncement).Others throw parties at gar- den city, invite only their friends and leave others out, and they too think that is a break from routine. Well, am sorry to be the one to break it to you, but that’s so wrong. That doesn’t relieve stress! It instead just locks it away for a few seconds, and when it returns, it is worse than before. On that note, i think you should come see me about some Forever Living Products that are good for your health and will help ward off the stress. (Don’t think am advertising! Just looking out for friends!)Anyway, i think ill share some great tips on how to have a real vacation. It however must be noted that these only apply to people whose parents still believe in pocket money to supplement their salaries, those with no responsibilities, poor saving and investment habits, those with sugar daddies, and i guess the few that actually earn a lot from what they do. (I hope not selling drugs in the stomachs of the girls they are trafficking. I hear it’s very profitable.) Anyway below are the tips:

1. Have cool friends who lie in any of the above categories. If your friends fall short, have a cool sibling with such friends. 2. Encourage the above people to believe that life is short and there are certain things they just cannot die without doing. 3. Forge stories about someone you know who has done it before and emphasize how they really were in the mix. If the worst gets to the worst and some of the friends are the nosey kind who demand evidence, have some forged pictures lying around. 4. Tell everyone you know about it! Write about it so the deaf can also know. For the deaf and blind..... Am still looking for a solution. SO i guess by now you have noticed what i was building up to.

It started as a joke. Someone watched certain awards on TV and decided it would really be cool to be part of the audience. Months later, it was confirmed. Despite the fact that the night before, the bus broke down at a spot someone claimed was well known for highjackers and we had to wait five hours (7 to midnight) to be rescued, 10th October was still the best day ever. Gates were to be opened at 5pm. That’s what the tickets said. We were there by 3pm. Why give them reason to lock us out? Our excellently outstanding performance of standing near the entrance of the huge indoor stadium earned us interviews from some whites (so am guessing MTV for real, not just some random Kenyan journalists!), and our greetings were sent, especially to the many that could not afford. At exactly 5pm, gates were opened. By 5.30pm, we had claimed our spots right next to the rails that were a short distance from the stage. I must say that what we were experiencing cannot be described in words. All i can say is it was really not for the faint hearted. At this point, one of us was reduced to cries of, and i quote: ‘Banange who am i?? Nze ani?? What did i do to deserve this banange!!! GOD!!!’, and it was just the

Why do you call my wife ugly?by Samuel Safo-Kantanka

You say she has big gigantic lips But you don’t feel her full kiss,

You say she has a fat bosom

But you don’t lay your weary head upon it,

You ask me how can I walk with

someone so ugly But you don’t know how we make

each other laugh in joy,

You ask me how can I sleep with someone so ugly

But when the night comes and the lights dim you don’t see how she

makes me sing,

You ask me how I can love someone so ugly

But you don’t see how much she loves me that is a pleasure to love

her back,

You judge by what your eyes seem to see

But I am blessed by what she is A true beauty.

.. idler’s corner......

How to take a Mini Vacation

Page 10: WorkZine Vol Issue 6

beginning. Despite the fact that there were no celebrities in sight, the music played by Dj Benny D was enough to drive us crazy! (And people think just anyone can play music!) The man in a skirt surely has a post diploma degree PhD in being a Dj!At 7pm, everything we looked at was driving us crazy. Just before the show officially begun, one of the organizers realized that it would be safer to put us at the stage itself, just incase we lost our lives trying to get over the rails and touch the worthy ones. We were in things! In the mix! As people in Uganda say, Twabadde mu kiintu! Infact we were really in the kiintu, we became the kiintu itself! But this was not enough for one of us, who decided the opposite side had a bet-ter back view. She crept under the stage amidst protests from armed guards! That’s how great it was. We were invincible. Unstoppable by Ak47 holders. He was the first act. 8 o’clock on the dot. Im-mediately he stepped on stage, we agreed that our money was done. When Akon joined him, it was official. We owed them money! Baali batu baanja for real. And that was just the beginning. Song after song was performed, and although i can’t remember which ones they were, i must say i can stand here and testify that Akon’s Cal-vin Klein boxers were really clean, and the grey briefs Wyclef wore just looked too amazing on him. I must add that since then, I am now a great admirer of pac-less abs! Those guys look perfect without six bones sticking out!

The African artists were amazing. Blu3, Amani, Waa Whoooo, Lira, STL, HHP, 2Face, Name-less, Red San, the guy of Kiini Big Deal, and many others seriously blew me away! Its amaz-ing the energy they have. Samini was just the winner, when he performed the tribute to Lucky Dube with Wyclef and Nameless. Zebra and Gi-raffe, the rock group from South Africa complete with skinny jeans and spiky hair, were the best performers. Ok every performer was amazing. I seriously cannot decide. D’ Banj really is a super star!But i must say that despite their great perfor-mances, our eyes were still on the prize! A hug from wylef and akon, or atleast some form of

body contact. God was surely looking out for us, because at some point, Wyclef passed by. Our screams and ululations brought him to a stand-still. After blowing-blowing kisses, two of us run for him. Being the lady that i am, i decided i was not going to run. I passed behind, got my hug, but my plans to push the other girl away so that I appeared the most wanted in the photo were really demolished, and this can be evidenced in the snap. Anyway atleast i got a two handed hug! Akon was next. For some reason he was no longer jumping on people. One of us claims he hit his head on the metal the last time he jumped. How were we going to atleast get a handshake. After all our attempts, we were reduced to beg-ging. ‘Just touch this hand akon, PLEASE!!!! Nk-waata ko bambi!!!’ we tried to attempt Senega-lese but to no avail, so we continued our pleas with the facial expressions. Whoever said those were old lied, coz our looks brought him to us!!! We got our handshakes... not once, but twice. If that was not heaven, i dont know if my heart can take the real thing. All in all, it was a night to remember! Having to summarize it has been the hardest thing ever. Now that is how you have a day off work. That is how you relieve your stress! That is how you party! That is how you let everyone know about it, and THAT IS HOW YOU BEGIN THE PLANS TO DO IT AGAIN!For those who are to know, those are a few of the details I recall!

Best Male: Nameless (Kenya) Best New Act: M.I. (Nigeria)Best Hip Hop: M.I. (Nigeria)Best Female: Amani (Kenya)Best Performer: Samini (Ghana)Best R&B: 2Face (Nigeria)Best Group: P-Square (Nigeria)Artist of The Year: D’Banj (Nigeria)Best Alternative: Zebra & Giraffe (South Africa)Best Video: HHP – Mpitse (South Africa)Best Listener’s Choice: Nameless – Sunshine (Kenya).

Sara Akelly <yes, the writer clearly has prog-gie>

How to take a Mini VacationHUMOR CENTRALSo, we’ve been trying to find something funny to give you,

something you probably haven’t heard a million times before.

Have you heard the one about the Mexican nun, the donkey and the

guitar player? If not, just give me a call, apparently I can’t put it down here, I hear it might offend some

of you.Anyway, there’s this guy on twitter called justin, he lives with his 73 year old dad and tweets stuff his

dad says as @shitmydadsays. So I thought I would give you a sample of his tweets as your humor fix this time round. Those who are easily offended, this message will self

destruct in 5 seconds and take your PC with it.

“The dog is not bored, it’s a f*** dog. It’s not like he’s waiting for

me to give him a f**** rubix cube. He’s a damn dog.”

“Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for

you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More.

Me.”

“It’s just a f*** june bug! Calm down. Jesus Christ!, what happens

when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?”

“Why the f*** would I want to live to live to 100? I’m 73 and shit’s

starting to get boring. By the way, there’s no money left when I go,

just fyi.”

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Facebook Status Update:

“James is: head over heels in love + J.C & I have finally agreed to see other people (Don’t worry, I think it’s

his Father who’s the jealous type)” So, yes, I’m in love. But let’s put a bookmark on that. We’ll come back to it later. You know how budding relationships are. Don’t want to jinx nothing. Or shout it from the rooftops (I think Workzine would count as a really high one) and two dates you’re totally over it!But not to worry, my other piece of news should keep us chatting (Yes, I pretend I’m actually having a conversation with you. I’m sad. I got over it) for another 5-30mins. Depending on if you’re dyslexic or not. So, I’ve decided to redefine my relationship with J.C aka the Big Dog aka Jesus Christ. Don’t worry. I think I have his consent. If I don’t... well, if our communication has broken down to the level where I’m getting such mixed messages, we really need um, counselling? But if you’re reading this and you suddenly have a vision / epiphany /hear a voice from up above saying otherwise please email me. You never know...See, I’m a scientist. Well, a born artist but bred scientist. But for now, let’s assume nurture trumps nature and I’m a scientist, nebigenderako i.e. evolution theory, big bang, iffy on the Immaculate Conception. But, let’s face it. The world is simply too awe-inspiring for there not to be some divine hand guiding things! You just need to listen to “My Redeemer Lives” to believe. Please don’t start humming it. It gets really irritating when played/hummed ad naseum.So I’m already stuck half way through Genesis, but my gut - and more importantly Albert Einstein - tell me there’s a God. I’m still imagining we’re all begotten from silly Adam & Eve when along comes Noah, then Abraham, then Moses. But let’s chalk all this up to history being remixed by oral retelling. Or (my favourite) let’s not take everything literally! Have some imagination people. When God decided to drown the world but Noah & his family, it doesn’t necessarily mean they had to commit incest to undertake his mission to them: “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth.” They probably worked something out. And a lot of the laws probably had to do with the time people were living in and were actually safeguards against cannibalism, murder, the spread of disease and general chaos. I do, however, feel uneasy when everyone gets to pick and choose what should be taken literally & is just an outdated guideline. Take Lev-20. Should we stone to death all adulterers, petulant sons, homosexuals, incestors and spirit mediums? Who gets to choose? The Vatican? The government? Me? Well, I’m an all or nothing type of guy. Couple that with the number of times I’ve talked back to my parents and you’ll forgive me for not putting a lot of stock in anything from the O.T.The N.T now, that’s an amazing piece of work. Okay, who would say no to a religion that in essence, will forgive you of anything as long as when you say sorry you truly mean it? Genius? No, its called Grace! It does smack of poker though. If you time it just right i.e. while your life’s flashing before your eyes and you have one helluva poker face, well, buddy, you get away scot free. Just don’t blaspheme against the Holy Spirit.

Now I know I sound like the devil, but if you believe anything in this article, believe that I don’t want to come between anyone and their faith. In fact, the above rant is just one side of the argument. The other side is quite short. In fact, it’s just one word. Faith. Enough said. No? Then give Miss Mullen another listen or hold a new born baby and if you don’t get it... honestly? I don’t know. I don’t know everything, you know!So, my conclusion? I’m seeing other people. Or deities... I’ll make sure not to pray or kneel though. Apparently that’s a big no-no, pretty hard to come back from. And I like to keep my options open.

James Dean.<the writer is a scientific saved polytheist. On that note, the views expressed by the writers do not

necessarily reflect the views of the management of the WorkZine though they might!!!>

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Sports Dump

Tennis:For those of you who have watched Rafael Nadal right from the time he won his first grand slam at the French Open in a 5 set series against Bangdattis till the time he drowned Roger Federer in the Epic Final last year at Wimbledon then again this year at the Australian Open would like to know that the Mastermind kid is slowly gaining his shape back lately reaching the Semi Final of the China Open although he was beaten you could sense the confidence slowly returning. Stars to watch out for are Cilic and Del Potro Next season watch the space… As for Uganda, Mugabe is beaten yet again but this time for once not due to a battering or nerves but for a hamstring Injury. Needs to speed up his game so as to make a mark on the World Tennis currently lying at World number 749 hmmm

BasketballFriday pass time, right after a long days work load so stressing you want to end your week and start a dramatic weekend, YMCA is the place to be by the time the games end you are in time to rock the bars for those late night frenzies. Anyway the playoffs are here. The Defending Champions Power were dully humbled and given a taste and scare when KIU actually run riot on them. After leading from the very start, a 12 point lead was cancelled out for KIU in the third quarter to lead while going into the fourth quarter with a one man demolition in the name of Karuiki for KIU to win 89-80 and halt an unbeaten run to just 13 wins for POWER and a loss but they emerged in the next game beating Miracle 101 to 88.Playoffs are soon going to begin so you’re Fridays and Wednesday nights for those who need to ease off should comfortably be mind blowing. Power, Warriors and Falcons already in the playoffs awaiting one more team and then you can begin placing your bets…for the wise look at Warriors and Power.For all NBA lover October 29th is the day the season begins watch the space.

RugbyWell, arguably the best hangout places are Kyadondo and Kampala Rugby club as of Jinja it will soon reign supreme for places to go to like it did this year but anyway back to Rugby, what can I say I was left speechless and in awe like the many that turned up to watch what was meant to be an Epic final between the league and Uganda’s best two clubs but this looked like Arsenal Vs Blackburn or Manchester united Vs Wigan encounter. What in the world happened they came pouncing with words like “The Uganda Cup

will always be ours!!!!!!!” HMM wonder how the Kobs bench was filling after three tries by passed, in only 20minutes remember 60 more were to come. A drubbing that is what the whole of Uganda noticed, No contest, and Pounded into retirement .44-5 should never be mention in any final anywhere. They should have thought of that earlier in the year to start rebuilding. Pirates will encroach on these two teams dominance next year cannot wait it’s going to be a long wait. I congratulate the best team of 2009. Uganda’s 15s league and cup double winners 2009

Motorcross:A sport that goes unnoticed by many here in Uganda but actually pretty lovely to watch. However the weekend of 3rd and 4th one would begin to wonder how mighty the Name BLICK is. One can just decide to get married to white woman or white man and have colored children and call them BLICK and no one will doubt but any way away from that fantasy the MX1 victory for that weekend gradually went to the dominant Arthur Blick at Garuga beating National champion Asaf taking his points to 57 three ahead of Asaf but that was not the main story. Do you remember how old you were in P1, saying when I grow up I am going to have a big bike when we saw the renegade with that lovely actor beating up all those guys and still looking good on his bike. In this case can you imagine riding a bike at 6years old? Yes that was the case at Garuga there is a class for the young ones that age at 50cc. the winner of that race was another Blick but surprisingly he was emulating only what his father was going to do later on. Alisteir Blick won the 50cc at garuga and he is only 6years old he started riding a bike at the age of 3years. I think at that age some of you wondered what toy daddy or mummy was going to buy you next.

SoccerThe drama is heating up the most controversial sport in the world but as of Uganda, one can easily miss out on having a good relationship with the wife, girlfriend, fiancé, a date with a rather astonishing beauty but that is only for a few to handle. There is definite division, you either support the top four Man U, Liverpool, Chelsea or Arsenal or you support the rest now with Tottenham and Manchester City aboard, there is a changing trend.Let me be clear here, I am a staunch Man U fan, love those boyz but for the sake of all soccer fanatics I will be frank. This season is going to be crunchy, Liverpool good as it may seem lack two things that will make it fail this season yet again, they have no

What more can one say when it comes to the world of sports…so dramatic, entertaining, lots of fun, pass time and a

great way for the two sexes to meet great opposites I mean a great way to meet, jazz and move out with exquisite fun

loving better partners in whatever context you do put it but any way…just to delve in to the lime of it all

Page 13: WorkZine Vol Issue 6

playmaker, no mastermind and if that is not cleared out, they will be thumped to despair. Chelsea, seriously for the first time since Mourinho I have to say this is a one man team so far, from what I have observed, when Didier Drogba is not on song, then the whole team kind of falters, say what you have to say but certainly other players have to come to the stage, the only good thing is that one of my favorite English players is back in Joe Cole and might prove the difference no beef Chelsea you are on top but the season has just begun, not taking away anything from you so far so good you are still the best team yet so far. In Arsene we trust, so the banner goes on saying this is a team that” YOU LOVE TO WATCH BUT ALSO LEARN TO HATE”. Why Arsenal fans will keep shouting as they always do, these are facts shown for the last 5years. I am really impressed with the Arsenal squad by the way but my slogan will always stick. This is a squad that has been built around their Captain in Cesc Fabregas, he is the ultimate passer of the ball great thinker and mind bobbling soccer player at a tender age of 22. You now have wiz king Arshavin, left footed Van Persie, speedy Gonzalez in Theo Walcott, Johnny Bravo in Song, Rosicky, Samir Nasri, Eduardo, Denilson. Arguably the best young talent in a team however it has been said time and time again that these kids have to grow up and like Liverpool last season, Arsenal has a shot at their youthful side making a mark in the year Wenger has become the longest serving Manager at Arsenal. One problem with Arsenal is they will always be bullied by the likes of the other big four and now tormented by the old Guard in Manchester city’s Toure and Adebayo. Still love the thrill when they score many goals but when they are being hammered the fans will keep their slogan we were cheated. Come on fans grow up there is always a referee when you win you don’t complain but when you lose especially to the other big four, the Referee was against us. Get the zeal of match winning in the last minutes and you will never be on the back side.As of the Defending Champions, Manchester United, I have to be honest, this is a team that has nothing to lose compared to the other big four. This is a team that has won the last three premier league titles, has won the champions league and managed to also get a runner’s up medal in the same campaign, they are the current World Club Champions and also boost to having created the World’s best player in former teammate Cristiano Ronaldo. This is the time Ferguson is going for the fourth premier league in a row. Many will say United is not as strong as they were last season or the seasons past, true that but one thing United will always have over the others is their temperament, their pedigree is like no other, having lost a great player they are rebuilding but one factor is that they are being led by the Old guard in Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes. Like the Banner at Old Trafford says, ”I hope you are watching your Majesty, ARISE SIR RYAN GIGGS”. He definitely lost his speed but he did not lose his mindset. He is the new Cristiano Ronaldo at Old Trafford in his 19th season at

Old Trafford he is looking to ending his career at the theatre of dreams like he started. Whether he has a bad game, he has one magic move and in goes the goal. So far in the league he has the most assists for goals scored. Anderson has grown and is fighting with the other midfielders, Fletcher what can I say Man Utd’s 2nd best player at the moment after the great Wayne Rooney. With Hargreaves soon to return next month, there is only one piece to the puzzle that has to be taken care of and that is the defense with its keeper. Otherwise, never judge any Manchester United Squad they are still scary, they will find any means to win a game that is Pedigree.

For La Liga fans out there, it seems Ronaldo is still the best player in the world or at least 2nd best because, how did Real get beaten by Sevilla after a perfect start to the season, I will explain, Ronaldo is the answer, he was scoring from all cylinders whether he started or came off the bench he always scored and that is what sevilla capitalized on. Kaka is great, Benzema will grow but Ronaldo was defined and that definition is what they missed, Raul’s legs are now lagging, Nistelroy injury prone, Higuain has nothing much to show but that is what happened and like United, Real must not over depend on his presence for now that he is out for three weeks they have to play ball and prove they are a team to watch this season. Barcelona, they have found two new players to utilize always, that is in Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Pedro. This is talent at its best. Messi on one side, Pedro coming from another side with Ibra confusing the middle pack arguably the best attack minded trio for they also have Iniesta and Xavi in the middle to attack that ball with Yaya Toure sitting just infront of the defense. They are the best team in Europe as I speak.With Inter faltering, Juventus will be the team to watch this season in the serie A cut them some slack and Mourinho might be out of job. Bayern Munich has not found a finesse that it had in the late 90’s and early 2000 but we shall see.Argentina by the way is one game way from qualifying a win guarantees their ticket to the world cup anything less will lead them to playoffs, Portugal are guaranteed a play offs if they win their last game. So maybe just maybe the two best players will make it to the world cup in Africa. Bigups to Ghana and Ivory Coast I am not a fan of SA but they are hosting. Will Nigeria make it or will they miss out again watch this space in the next issue

For response, controversies in any sport send me mail at [email protected]

Page 14: WorkZine Vol Issue 6

Album Review: Esther Nabasa - Rock in a Country Soul

This studio release blends African and European beats in synchrony to make a really good tune that appeals to the even the average listener..While one might not be hooked by the intro which fuses African instruments in a wholly African melody the finesse with which it has been recorded cannot be ignored. I guess she felt the need to establish herself back at home hence he luganda songs. “Tonyiiga Bambi” the beat is catchy and words easy to sing along to. The only problem is she followed the golden rule of repetition when writing a song which becomes rather annoying hearing the chorus thrice in the span of a minute. I will be quick to take my comment back because when on my first listen I assumed it was an Irene Namubiru Inspiration and thought it was that good. “ On a Merry Cliff” has a wholly bass driven with a tune that had Tshaka Mayanja written all over it. I have major respect for that dude for his work on previous projects with Pragmo and if he’s to remain her manager then we just might have another Whitney Houston in our midst. I think the groovy house beat that she gives “Got No Time” will appeal to her South African audience . This kind of music may not appeal to our energetic East African youth , so i wonder if it will it sell back here . The luganda songs add some weight to this cause and those two dudes I refer to earlier make this possible by switching easily from a rocky groove to

a zaiko langa langa beat that accompanies Tonyiiga Bambi and Chitty Chatty (Omukazi Oyo, tewali kyeyali tamanyi). One thing is for sure, when you combine the talent that Esther possesses and the genius of Tshaka Mayanja all that is expected is musical bliss. The only drawback is the diversity of genres in this album which might make it hard for her to settle down in one particular genre and excel at it. I guess that is what happened when Nickelback tried to give their music an outlook with more electric beats that divert from their hugely rock base. But again it is too early to judge. All the same, through artists like these from TPF Ugandan music is headed in the right direction.

Kalissa Micheal <the writer is a rock fanatic who says that most bars play hiphop instead of rock on their theme nights>

Very few artists can sample with melodies and pull it off. This is one thing Esther Nabasa (winner Tusker Project

Fame II) managed to do almost perfectly on her debut album “Rock in a Country Soul”.

This issue’s playlist comes from Sheila who works with Watoto

Kids in Gulu

my playlist

Clumsy - Chris Rice

Tip of my Heart - Bebo Norman

Yahweh - Hillsong

Slow Fade - Casting Crowns

If we are the body - Cast-ing Crowns

Stained Glass Masquerade - Casting Crowns

Wonder of your love - Hillsong

Glow - Hillsong

Undo - Rush of Fools

Long Arm of Love - Mi-chaeel Olson

King of Glory - Third Day

Love is not a fight - Warren Buffield

Bring The Rain - Mercy Me

Trees - Chris Rice

You Are God Alone - Phil-lips, Craig and Dean

Page 15: WorkZine Vol Issue 6

Its Friday evening .Me and the girls are lazily sipping away on our “Mandarin Martinis” (so far the best I’ve had), when we are unexpectedly joined by Jan and his New American girlfriend. Reading from the faces of my “girl squad”, it’s obviously clear that Jan is more welcomed than his highly polished, athletic, long-legged blonde partner (Is she really to blame for God given assets?) Anyway, we do the “intros”, then inquiries and of course all of us dying to know what “Miss Blondie” does for a living (turns out sizing up is not only a “boy” thingy). Jasmine, not wasting any more time on this asks; “Soooo...mmhhhmmmhh Leah, what do you do for a living?” “Brazilian waxing” Leah answers, generously smiling back. You should have seen the “am not surprised, totally suits you” look on our faces.“So ,does it really pay “this waxing thingy” Marit the slightly egoistic lawyer sarcastically ask.“Well, approximately $90,000 a year. Clearly not complaining” an undeniably contented Leah responds.Silence rules for the next 30 or so seconds until I reluctantly intervene “hey....that’s quite a job.”I say “I know what you’re thinking...totally not fair

?” Jasmine finally bursts out.“ whhattt” ???... Are you kidding me?.... All she does is wax faces, legs, hands, chests, thighs and other places we will choose not to venture into at the moment .” Marit now officially unmasked goes on. “Yes and she happens to love it and handsomely earn from it.”Jan stresses as though to rub it in.We all smile sleazily as the conversation gradually and awkwardly shifts to the upcoming “Green-Day” concert. It was not only humbling and

Brazillian Waxer or Architecht: Rethinking the profession

enlightening but quite hard to swallow. But truth be told, this, “Brazilian-Waxer” earns more that the “average Licensed architect”. And must I also add that her “waxing” education lasted one and a half years.

Another bitter fact sank in-Turns out Longer years of Education does not guarantee high pay. According to the 2008–09 Occupation Outlook Handbook published by the US Department of Labor, the median salary of architects was $76,750 ,Intern architects typically earn between $24,000 and $34,000 depending on experience prior to licensure. Architects that have completed the internship period can expect an average starting salary of between $51,709 and $64,519. For 10 years experience, the base compensation level increases significantly to an average range of $62,608–79,919; that range reaches $72,678–96,928 for architects with 15 years experience. Senior architects and partners typically have earnings that exceed $100,000 annually. According to a survey comparing level of Education to Earnings, the job with the “worst” school to salary ratio is architecture. We are talking money and time spent during education Versus time spent working and salary earned during practice. This, coupled with the sad reality that the prestigious profession seems to have been slowly, systematically or maybe unintentionally eroded from this nation, leaves our Ugandan buddies in a tight spot.

While other arts like fashion (with the likes of Sylvia Owori, Arapapa) through re-defining and re -inventing their trade have managed to and continue to challenge society’s Comfort-zones, architects are almost

invisible. They seem to be regarded non -essential, irrelevant to our culture or clearly an indulgence for the extremely rich. Need I remind you that architecture is one of those permanent forms of art that does not only stare at you for hundreds of years but is a clear indicator of not only the taste and culture but also rate of a society’s Progression. So what shall architects do? Definitely not quitting! Once an architect, always an architect! We love our thing, right? But we also desire a modest life. So, while we work on convincing our fellow citizens that there is more to interior space than four walls and more to city space than small patches of grass fenced off from the public (k.c.c calls these parks), Architects must use their creative minds to re-invent themselves. After all, a true architect has the potential to be any other kind of designer , fashion, photography, jewellery,furniture,interactive,industirial,garden,interior,hair,graphic, tattoo, even cutlery etc. Find “plan B”, outside your profession to fall back upon as you wait for Ugandans to see your work, appreciate it and hopefully afford to employ you. If you are no longer doing architecture for the money; shame on you for, one: not being innovate enough, and two: not paying your employees enough. To all them misers;“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys, they don’t call us CAD Monkeys for nothing.” anonymous.By the way ,turns out Leah the long.-legged, American blonde is not only physically endowed but equally economically lavished...how unfair!!!!!!!

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Happy Birthday to Kerfua Susan, Bryan Ben, Cleopatra KAsemire, Luyima Louis, Rebecca Abonyo,

Angel Mbabizi, Bakeera Brian, Stella Nantongo, Brian Emuron,Carolyn Kerubo, Ntaro Dan, Christine

Njeri, Jemimah gacheru, Zarina Karmali, Muwanga Quts, Nyamera Phina, Anthony Kagimu ,Nkurunziza

Diana, Andrew Paul Ssekaga, Davinah Nabirye, Snadra Lynn. Mike Idusso,Njagala Philip

Special wishes ,to Nigel Riyaz , and Riley

House for Rent 1 Bedroom with bath and allLocation: Ntincda, Kamwokya, Luzira, Mutungo and any place where one can avoid the taxi park.Price: 300KContact Dee on 0714059686

Barbara Kanyange <MTN> runs away as Stella <Digital Solutions> steals the crown

Surprise birthday Party for B.Countinho and Stella on 16th October behind Kobil Makerere•

Extreme 2020 every end of month at Garden City•

Pay It Forward Foundation Uganda to launch on November 7th. Call 0772846642 for details or •

follow @piffuganda on twitter.

No time to Die lauch on 30th October at Sheraton , [email protected] or call me: 0772 •

378 468 or www.godfreymawa.com

Lumala and friends will be heading to Ssese islands to kick-start holiday celebrations. Lumala. •

[email protected]

Free salsa lessons every Thursday at Lotus Mexicana. Margaritas go for 11k, buy one get one •

free. Bring your dancing shoes!

Free jazz night featuring QWela at Katch the sun Bugolobi or fibd Qwela at Emin Pasha every •

Friday

Uganda Museum is holding a Ductch Masters exhibiton through the month of October•

Camer Couture Fashion showcase at Shoreditch Studios on 17th October•

Ghetto Radio hosts the Ghetto Stories at Alliance Fraicasie Auditorium on 14th October in •

Nairobi

Zimba Afrika hosts the Gulu IDP relief project fundraqiser in gulu on 18th October-0712429808•

Slim Chics host a barbeque and bottle party at Entebbe road on 18th October—cheekyb85@ •

yahoo.com

Events, Ads and Everything

Birthday Shouts!Needed

Parties and Stuff

Page 17: WorkZine Vol Issue 6

If you’ve ever hosted a party you’ll know it’s mostly about the drinks. Unless it’s a tea party in which case you’d better call Britannia. The availability of beverages is directly proportional to your party’s success, ceteris paribus, of course. ICE BREAKERS is a drinks delivery company delivering within Kampala and surrounding areas that specializes in providing all drink supplies for all categories of events like parties, weddings or corporate functions. No more hassling looking for empty bottles, beer depots and the like. All you need to do is make that call from the comfort of your home or office and let ICE BREAKERS do the rest.

We offer delivery of soft drinks, water, beers, wines and liquor to your venue. We also supply the ice, have coolers in which the drinks can be stored and also provide the plastic cups. This way, you do not have to worry about broken or stolen bottles and your guests are assured of ice cold drinks!Make that call today and let us make your occasion hassle free!Contact us on +256 701 601 852 or +256 772 64 22 84

“If we can’t break the ice, how bout we drown it?”

Laptop on SaleModel: HP Pavilion dv2800 Artist EditionLCD Screen: 14.1” LCD TFT CD/DVD Spec: DVD Writable RAM Spec: 2GB HDD space: 250G Processor: 2.2 GHz Core2 Duo Extras: Bluetooth, S-Video port, Wi-Fi, Webcam, Memory Card Reader slot, Expansion slots = YES!! Party & wedding Decorations, Flower arrangements and Giftwrapping/preparations.High quality service and competitive prices.All this and more at St. Mugagga House of Flowers!Call 0414 236557 or 0772 451226.

Page 18: WorkZine Vol Issue 6

Abid was introducing the idea of the Workzine to bloggers last BHH and he was asked for an elevator pitch of the entire concept. An elevator pitch? I asked myself, then it dawned on me that it simply meant that you had to sum up the idea in the time it takes to ride an elevator to say 11th floor of Worker’s house. If you can’t pull it off then, you might as well proceed to the roof and take a dive. So I thought I would give it a shot and introduce The Pay It Forward Foundation Uganda before we get to the 10th floor. Then I got thinking: Since when did our culture evolve to this point, when all the time another person has for your thoughts is an elevator ride? Obviously I wandered into debate concerning capitalism and socialism and many other places. I realised that I could not do it, I’m too wordy to sum up an entire concept thus. So I debated on how to introduce our idea of The Foundation and I came across a simple truth. I have the ability to take that which I wish from any religion in the world. So I decided to sample these religions and introduce this concept to you. I choose to go with a Judeo-Christian theme, complemented by the religion of submission, Islam and what I consider the true religion of Peace, Buddhism. My choices are simply because I have intimate knowledge of Christianity and I have chosen to discover these others. I have come to preach people, stop the elevator!

Romans 13:8-10 (Duties towards One Another)Be under obligation to no one – the only obligation you have is to love one another. Whoever does this has obeyed the Law. The commandments “Do not commit adultery; do not commit murder; do not steal; do not desire what belongs to someone else”-all these and any others besides, are summed up in the one command, “Love your neighbour as you love yourself.” If you love someone, you will never do them wrong; to love, then, is to obey the whole Law.

This is perhaps one of the most important messages in the bible. Paul, in his letter to the Christians in Rome, explains his understanding of Christ’s message. I have read the bible and even though it is full of hatred, anger, death and destruction, it still contains a message of peace. Jesus may have proclaimed that there was no other path to paradise than through him and however much I may disagree with that I cannot fault his teachings on peace, love and kindness. In today’s world, there are many who profess a belief in these teachings but act otherwise. I do not have the moral authority to condemn anyone for I too have sinned, but I have a belief that if you hold these words to be the living word of God, then you must follow them with all your heart. The call truly is simple; it is not beyond anyone’s means or ability. You cannot say I am not rich enough or I do not have enough because all you’re asked to do is to love your neighbour as yourself. It is a simple call to love one another genuinely, one that has been interpreted in many ways with life’s hardships forcing us to ask who our neighbours truly are. Some have interpreted it to mean that a neighbour is one who shares your belief and helps you when in need and all others do not qualify but life in its randomness will provide for you no matter your beliefs for the tree gives of its fruit to all men alike. God, in his infinite mercy did not judge you unworthy of his blessings and sent you his only son. It is perhaps only right that we live our lives by Christ’s example and message.

The Quran S. 2:62 Al Hilali & KhanVerily those who believe and those who are Jews and Christians and Sabians, whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day and do righteous good deeds shall have their reward with their Lord, on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve.

Paramount to all religions is the message of faith. That you must first and foremost believe. The religion of submission to God’s will, Islam has one fundamental difference from Christianity. While the latter requires only belief in Jesus Christ (and perhaps by extension his teachings) as the son of God to enter paradise, Islam requires in addition to belief in Allah, a belief in the Last Day of judgement and acts of righteous good deeds. I am not yet well versed with the Quran but I know that among Islam’s five pillars is Zakat, the charitable giving that all able Muslims are called upon to perform. In Islam, every act of kindness performed is an affirmation of faith and brings you that much closer to paradise. It is the sacred duty of every Muslim and perhaps non Muslim to help those who are in need. Sura 99 states:In the name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful1. When the earth is shaken with its (final) earthquake.2. And when the earth throws out its burdens,3. And man will say: “What is the matter with it?”4. That day it will declare its information (about all what happened over it of good and evil).

Faith, Hope and Charity or Pay It Forward: The Elevator Pitch

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5. Because your Lord has inspired it.6. That Day mankind will proceed in scattered groups that they may be shown their deeds.7. So whosoever does good equal to the weight of an atom (or a small ant), shall see it.8. And whosoever does evil equal to the weight on an atom (or a small ant) shall see it.

The Teachings of The BuddhaMy religion is very simple. My religion is kindness. – Dalai LamaBuddhism is not a religion per se but it can be interpreted as such. It is in my opinion the true religion of peace. At its core is the simple message that life in all its beauty, wonder and splendour is suffering. There is so much of it that nature will dish out of its own volition that we should hold all life, especially human, as sacred. We are simply called upon to try to the best of our ability to make it better for all others, and if we fail to do so, we should at least “Do No Harm”, an oath that we require our physicians to take before practising. Buddhism holds the values of kindness and compassion above all others in this life. Belief in a deity does not matter, what matters most is that you are truly kind and compassionate.

The TorahThe beginning and end of Torah is performing acts of loving kindness. – The Talmud

Everything ElseEven if we profess a different faith other than the above or none at all, there are a few simple truths that life teaches us. The most important of these has been learned over millennia. Our ancestors knew it from the very beginning, from the moment the first of us became aware, it was obvious that life’s journey could not be undertaken alone. We knew from the very beginning that “people need people”. So we learned to live together in communities and have evolved thus far. Sometimes, actually most times it seems that we have lost something essential to our nature because we have managed to make the world seem like a very mean place when that shouldn’t be the case. Those of us who believe that human beings are inherently wicked and selfish are sorely mistaken. The idea that it is a “dog eat dog” world serves nothing less than to doubt the true nature of God and God’s promises to us, for we are made in his image, our bodies are his temple and should be treated as such.So, with the above in mind, at least for some of us, we have ganged up together to start “The Pay It Forward Foundation Uganda”. We seek to make the world a kinder place and believe that such a dream starts with us. We hope that you will join us or at the very least be a little kinder to those whose lives you touch every day.Let me conclude this sermon with some of my favourite bits of the bible, the teachings about love as written in Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians.

Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail.

You may now restart the elevator, I am done preaching. May peace and the love of God, the all Merciful, be with you all.

@rhinorck <the writer is transitioning to full time writing and thought he would take a crack at writing a sermon>

The Pay It Forward Foundation is a non profit organisation whose vision is to create a kinder and more humane world by teaching the idea of performing random acts of genuine kindness.

More information can be found at http://payitforwarduganda.blogspot.com, you can also follow on twitter @piffuganda

The piffuganda launch is scheduled for 7th November and anyone who would like to help can contact Dincy ([email protected]), Beqy ([email protected]), Abid ([email protected]), Jacque ([email protected]), Rhino ([email protected]), Jossie ([email protected]) , Hellen ([email protected]) , Fez ([email protected]), Judith ([email protected]), Darlyne ([email protected]), Paul ([email protected], [email protected]

All articles in this e-zine are provided by you. In case you want to contribute to a specific column or any random thought , please don’t be shy. Send your writing or comment or advert to [email protected] or [email protected]. If you want to get a free copy sent to your email , please send an email with the subject “subscribe” to the

aforementioned emails.Remember this publication is free. All personal announcements are free. All adverts for

start-ups are free.. All party invites are free provided the editor is invited!!!