Workshopping

Due Dates

11/15 – Rough draft11/22 – Final draftInquiry 3 papers

Criteria

1. Fits time frame350-500 words3-5 minutes when read aloud

2. Communicates a message, story, or argument based in previous inquiry.Leaves audience coming away with somethingSays something insightful and well-thought out

3. Feels rehearsed and polishedNo unnecessary wordingAble to understand and isn’t rushed or muffled.

4. Developed and quality essay. Revised and excellent remediation. Truly takes on new form/genre from original.

Rough drafts tips

Consider inviting a friend to join you, so that you can read the essay to a live audience. Also consider having a glass of water handy in case your throat gets dry.

Make your audio recording in a location that has good sound absorption, to reduce the chance of echoes or a hollow sound to your voice. Ideally the location should be small and enclosed as well as filled with soft, padded surfaces, such as the inside of your car or your closet. Another option is to make an appointment to use study room in the library.

Be sure to record plenty of silence at the start of your file as well as between each major section. You might even want to stop recording after each section or subsection, to make it easier to edit each of them. This would also be a good time to take a sip of water.

Also pause for a few beats between paragraphs, both to let the listener catch up and also to make it easier to edit a particular paragraph if you make a mistake while reading it (rather than having to go back to the beginning).

If you stumble briefly over a word here or there, or if you end up coughing or clearing your throat a few times, that’s fine. But if you have a major stumble or a coughing fit, or if a background noise intrudes (like a ringing phone, barking dog, etc.), then plan to re-record that section. If you’re not very far into the whole recording or into one particular section, just

delete what you’ve got and start over. If you’re already too far in, then record four or five seconds of silence and then

start over at the beginning of the paragraph (and keep going until the end of the section or paper). If you’ve been pausing between paragraphs, it will be easy to find where the original paragraph with the stumble starts, so you can drag from there to the part where you were silent after the stumble and delete it. Then join the new recording to the earlier part.

If you want to include background music, select a piece without vocals or with very quiet vocals and adjust the volume of the music track so that it doesn’t overwhelm the voice track. It would be better for listeners to be barely able to hear the background music than for them to be barely able to hear you! You might also want to have the background music fade out completely after you’re a few sentences in to the intro (and to each section, if applicable). Then have it gradually fade back in at the end, as you read the last few sentences of the essay, and then fade out again at the end of the recording.

If you want to use other sound effects, such as little musical “blurbs” that help to signal a transition from one section of the essay to another, choose them carefully so that they fit with the overall style and theme of your essay and serve a purpose, such as giving listeners a cue that you’re about to shift to a new section. The sound effects should add interest and a touch of creativity to your project, rather than being distracting by being corny, silly, overly-dramatic, or otherwise inappropriate.

Also take care to adjust the volume of the sound effects so that they don’t suddenly “attack” the listener with a loud noise.

Vivid Word Choice Choose strong verbs and adjectives that show

rather than tell. Weak: I drank the soda, and it was delicious.Strong: I took a sip, and to my surprise, sweet

refreshing bubbles tickled the inside of my mouth. Revision Practice: Instead of settling for general,

overused verbs and adjectives, take the time to find precise, vivid examples.

 

Using vibrant language

Task: Review the draft of your literacy narrative, focusing on your choice of words. Follow these steps as you read:

When you come to a word that seems dull, weak, or vague, circle it. Also circle any jargon or clichés you find.

When you have read through your entire draft, challenge yourself to replace each circled word with a more vivid alternative.

Select verbs from sentences and brainstorm alternatives:  Example: walkedInstead - sauntered, strutted, ambled  Example: ranInstead – sped, dashed

  Go on a Verb Diet. Replace forms of “be” with action verbs by

rewriting the passage.

Example: Chuck was a grandpa looking figure with gray hair and a

balding head. His skin was tanned and it was obvious he enjoyed being out in the sun. His voice was scratchy and deep. It was apparent that he must be Italian. It reminded me of a voice from the movie “The Godfather.”

Instead - Gray hair and a balding head made Chuck look like a

grandpa. Tan skin showed his obvious love for the outdoors. A deep scratchy voice that sounded Italian reminded me of the characters’ voices in “The Godfather” film.

You may be surprised at the extent of your own vocabulary, and the fact that you don't use it for your own benefit. You probably know the meanings of many words, but you don't employ them in your speech or your writing.

The book was very interesting.Change to:The text was quite motivating. This work, which was actually

one of Mark Twain's first endeavors, was captivating.To exercise your vocabulary powers, read over the following

sentences and try to think of alternate words for each tired word that appears in italics.

The Colocasia is a big plant with lots of leaves.The author used funny expressions.The book was supported by many sources.

Tired words

Tired Words Some words are specific enough, but they are so overused they are just plain boring. While it

would be awkward to avoid these words all the time, you should take care to substitute more interesting words whenever appropriate. Some tired and overused words:

amazingawesomeawfullybadbeautifulbigfinegoodgreathappyinterestinglooknicequitereallysaidsoverywell

Review your Verbs

After you complete a draft of your paper, it might be a good idea to conduct a verb inventory. Just read over your draft and underline all your verbs. Do you see repetition? Are you bored?

Verbs like said, walked, looked, and thought can be replaced with more descriptive words like mumbled, sauntered, eyeballed, and pondered. Here are a few more suggestions:

Looked: gazed stared severed (with his eyes) Walked: strolled spidered sashayed skulked Said: suggested uttered bellowed argued

Get Creative with Verbs

One way to make verbs more interesting is to invent them from other word forms. Sounds illegal, doesn't it? But it's not like you're printing dollar bills in your basement.

One type of noun that works well is animal types, since some animals have very strong characteristics. Skunks, for instance, have a reputation for being stinky or spoiling the air.

Do the following statements evoke powerful images? He skunked the party up with his cologne...

She snaked the hallways...She wormed her way out of the class...

Jobs as Verbs Another noun type that works well is names of occupations. We often use doctor as a verb, as in the

following sentence: She doctored the paper until it was perfect. Doesn't that evoke the image of a woman hovering over a piece of writing, tools in hand, crafting and

nurturing the paper to perfection? What other occupations could paint such a clear scene? How about police?

Mrs. Parsons policed her garden until it was completely pest free. You can get very creative with unusual verbs: bubble-wrapped the insult (to suggest that the insult was surrounded by "softer" words)

tabled your idea

But you do have to use colorful verbs tactfully. Use good judgment and don't overdo the creativity. Language is like clothing--too much color can be just plain odd.

In-class writing

Use in class time to review and revise Rough draft script. Circle dead adjectives and verbs. Use creative, vibrant language.

Post draft to Niikha at end of class.

Homework:

Please upload a rough draft of your essay to Niikha before class. Make sure it is exported and saved in .wav format or as an MP3.

Please bring in laptops and headphones for peer review on Tuesday.

Check out “This I believe” or “This American Life” for ideas/examples.