Working With Difficult Working With Difficult CouplesCouples

Consultant In-Service TrainingConsultant In-Service Training

General SuggestionsGeneral Suggestions

• Evaluate whether the problem relates more to being untrained/unable or unwilling

• Prioritize feedback– Don’t fall into trap of providing lots of feedback or

ideas during one visit or phone call– Conceptual Feedback

• Give feedback with a plan• Look at list of feedback and prioritize the issues• Address the top problem and all of the problems on the list

relate to feedback concept

General SuggestionsGeneral Suggestions

• Never give any other feedback until the original concept is properly addressed, unless it relates to a safety or youth rights issue

• Another trap to avoid is giving feedback and then when they partially implement the feedback; tell them what to fix and then move on to another issue without checking for implementation with an in-home or observation

• If the feedback is not completely implemented, you should note the improvements and then give the additional feedback

• If the feedback is implemented satisfactorily, your next in-home should contain positive feedback on implementation and then you can give feedback on the next issue

General SuggestionsGeneral Suggestions

• For example, perceiving and acting on opportunities to teach. They may teach to some things but not others

• Your write-ups should be a “feedback chain” that ties together

General SuggestionsGeneral Suggestions

• Don’t let a crisis, real or enhanced, distract you from giving feedback or from doing your in-home observation

• Use clear, specific written forms of feedback such as consultation notes and in-home observations

• Demonstrate genuine and specific verbal praise during each visit as well as written praise in each in-home observation and overall program review

Untrained/UnableUntrained/Unable

• Setup schedule and basic rules for their home for them, give them a format of what to do when and let them alter it after they become more skilled

• Set them up to be successful by telling them what to do based on your experience

• Do this by being in the home and observe, especially if descriptions of antecedents and behavior as well as responses don’t make sense

• Help foster parents with program operations because they just don’t know

• Simplify the expectation and tackle it in smaller “chunks”• Use role-play to enhance skills even though it is uncomfortable for

everyone

Arguing and ComplainingArguing and Complaining

• When they argue with you, after you give them and idea, you need to know what is it you want to accomplish

• What concept are you trying to implement? Can you be creative so they get what they want and you get what you want?

• Avoid arguing with your couple, find common ground in their solutions and work from there. “– I understand that you are trying to hold youth

accountable but where is the positive correction? “ “What about immediacy” or “the youth right to have property”

Arguing and ComplainingArguing and Complaining

• Explain the concept you are trying to teach and have implemented• Explain how what they want to do doesn’t meet the concept• Ask “How can we make that work within the TFM concept?”• Don’t just listen to what they say, what are they trying to

communicate?• Normalize youth behavior. Its not all pathology, in fact, most of it is

not pathological• Bring drinks or something they like to show them that you care

Unwilling/UnmotivatedUnwilling/Unmotivated

• Be willing to provide clear, consistent feedback• Increase service delivery and develop a plan to address

feedback• Don’t let a crisis move you from you feedback—you can

probably insert it into the concept area you are developing

• Written forms of feedback are critical; use consultation notes and in-home feedback

• Tactfully helping with additional assistance or role-plays

Issues and SolutionsIssues and Solutions

• Issue: Incessant complaining and focus on the problem but not using skills– Listen– Solution-focused

• Idea from Annette• Problem-Solution-Implementation• Write out the problem• Write out possible solutions• Write out implementation and by whom

– Rationales include “We can be more consistent in feedback and suggestions” Make sure I am meeting your expectations

– Way too many things to work on and we cannot address them all at once, helps prioritize issues

Solution-Focused ConsultationSolution-Focused Consultation

One way the feedback was presented:• Problem-Solution-Implementation We have many issues to deal with

so we will deal with them as they arise in this manner. • Skill Training:

Solution Focused/Problem Solving- We will implement this immediately. When the FTs have an issue they will call me with a solution to the problem. We will review the solution together and adjust if needed. The Family Teachers will write down what was discussed and implement the solution immediately. Writing down the solution will help provide consistency and give the FTs more control and confidence in themselves and the home. it will also help the home work as a team and remember what the solution was for future times when the same problem may arise. Don't focus on problems that have not even occurred yet and you have no control over. Look at the present and how to solve the issue before you now.

Issues and SolutionsIssues and Solutions

• Issue: Complaining about youth and asking for removal– As the call begins, assure the couple that you can have the child

removed immediately– Listen to their concerns and avoid interrupting or normalizing– Validate their underlying concerns– Use reflective listening– “Have you tried…?”– “Can you wait until we staff the youth or until I can talk to

__________________ (supervisor)?”– “I know you are frustrated, can we talk more about this tomorrow

after we see how things are going?”

Issues and SolutionsIssues and Solutions

• Issue: Unhappy about feedback from you or another consumer– Listen to their concerns, try see the underlying issue– When appropriate, empathize with their position– Avoid arguing by saying, “I can understand why your

upset”– Avoid giving advice or solutions, even when asked– “I would be glad to talk about it at our next

consultation meeting”

Working with Experienced CouplesWorking with Experienced Couples

• Worried about their autonomy

• Worried about being micromanaged

• Believe that their experience will not be valued

• Worry their consultant will be manipulated by the youth in their home

SuggestionsSuggestions

• Ask them “So, what’s the plan?”• “What consequence are you going to

implement?”• “How does that take into account immediacy? Or

some other Teaching-Family Model concept”• “That might violate their youth rights, is there

some other way we can address it without taking his toys away?”

How to Give FeedbackHow to Give Feedback

• Stage 1-Verbal feedback

• Stage 2-Written feedback

• Stage 3-Letter of Feedback

• Stage 4-Letter of Warning

Stage 1-Verbal FeedbackStage 1-Verbal Feedback

• We often give verbal feedback and it should not be viewed as punitive

• Avoid giving it over the phone unless couple is asking for help

• Corrective feedback should always be given in person• We often give feedback verbally and then provide written

feedback in the form of in-home observations and OPRs.• Verbal feedback can also be documented in consultation

notes• Verbal feedback should include employee-centered

rationales

Practical ExercisePractical Exercise

Share an employee-centered Share an employee-centered rationalerationale

Stage 2-Written FeedbackStage 2-Written Feedback

• Written feedback includes in-home observations, OPRs and consultation notes

• This written feedback should be in EDUCATES format and include positively reinforcing as well as critical descriptions of behavior

• Provide your couples with copies of their consultations notes• Simplest and least threatening form of “written feedback”• Set clear expectations for tasks with dates and times for completion.

Include statements of concern with employee-centered rationales.• “I’m writing it down because it needs to be taken care of”

Stage 3-Letter of FeedbackStage 3-Letter of Feedback

• It should not have a praise statement• It should clearly describe the problem and what

needs to be addressed to fix it• It can include a part for the family teacher or

treatment parent to put a plan to address the issue

• It can include references to any past written or verbal feedback with summaries and dates

Stage 4-Letter of WarningStage 4-Letter of Warning

• It is critical that no praise be included• It must clearly explain the problem behavior• It should include any past written or verbal

feedback with summaries and dates• The final sentence must include the phrase “…

failure to implement this feedback could result in further disciplinary action including termination of your employment.

Practical ExercisePractical Exercise

• The family teachers observe a youth shake your hand as you enter the home but neglect to address it

• An associate family teacher, in good fun, pulls a program youth’s pants to his knees during basketball inadvertently pulling down the youth’s underwear as well

• A family teacher insists on watching TV rather than monitor and help his youth during study hour

• A treatment parent left their daily youth unmonitored several times in their home without caseworker permission

• An associate family teacher is late for their third shift in a week• A family teacher is observed yelling and swearing at a youth and it

is substantiated with a youth consumer and self-disclosure• What else?

Working With Difficult Working With Difficult CouplesCouples

Consultant In-Service TrainingConsultant In-Service Training

This training presentation is available for download at:This training presentation is available for download at:www.utahparenting.orgwww.utahparenting.org

© 2007 Utah Youth Village.© 2007 Utah Youth Village.