women communications - presentation best practices

WORKSHOP for TOP 10 WOMEN

Presentation Created For:

Heather RitchieVP of Communications & OperationsAlcatel-Lucent

Created By:Wave Marketing Group, 2013

Start with you

1. Confronting or criticizing others

2. Not being taken seriously

3. Feeling self-conscious

4. Dealing with other people's anger

5. Speaking in front of a group

6. Controlling one's emotions

7. Receiving criticism

8. Getting cooperation

9. Setting limits

10. Taking the floor

These are communication issues.

Hurdles For Women

How we’ll spend our time

Do you communicate like a girl? 10:00 – 11:00

B R E A K 11:00 – 11:15

What you say: the story 11:15 – 12:00

L U N C H 12:00 – 1:00

What you say: exercise 1:00 – 1:35

B R E A K 1:35 – 1:45

How you say it: presentation skills 1:45 – 3:45

What’s next: recommendations 3:50 – 4:30

Do you communicate like a girl?

Situation Differences

What are the main differences in the way men and women communicate?

How effectively do you communicate?

Self Assessment

What is happening today?

What we’ll talk about today

Leadership and communications skills develop in steps. Biases make the steps more difficult for women.

“I still have things to work on. It’s a constant process of reinvention, a constant process of self-improvement. It’s human nature to want people to point out the things you do well. Having people who honestly tell you the truth is critical”

Too niceToo bitchy

Is it possible to find the RIGHT BALANCE?

LET’S GET RID OF THAT SCALE – AT LEAST IN OUR OWN MINDS

“When people come together and talk to each other in groups, the results are influenced as much by the workings of conversational style as by the power of the ideas brought to the table.”

Deborah Tannen, PhD Linguistics, Georgetown University




Self Assessment



When generalizing about a population segment as large and diverse as male and female – there is bound to be a degree of inaccuracy and stereotyping.

Some of the generalizations may vary by culture.

Male: Solution

Female: Emotion

Differences are biological

Differences are social… and they show early

Boys: Status

Girls: Rapport

WHAT ARE THE ELEMENTS IN A COMMUNICATION STYLE?

Linguistics

Conversation Ritual

Body Language

Linguistics style is a characteristic style of speech or writing.

Differences in linguistic style

Directness Pausing and Pacing Word choice Speech elements Turn taking


Linguistic style

STYLE MEN WOMEN

DEGREES OF DIRECTNESS

MORE DIRECT INDIRECT

ONE UPONE DOWN

ONE UP POSITION ONE DOWN POSITION

CONFIDENCE MINIMIZES DOUBTS DOWNPLAY CERTAINTY

GETTING CREDITSAY “I”,

SHOWCASE WORKSAY “WE”,

MINIMIZE CONTRIBUTION

QUESTIONS ASK LESS QUESTIONS SEEKS AGREEMENT

ASKING FOR WHAT THEY WANT

MORE LIKELY TO ASK FOR WHAT THEY WANT

FIXED, ABSOLUTE AND LESS NEGOTIABLE

MEN TEND TO BE MORE DIRECT

WOMEN ARE MORE SENSITIVE TO RAPPORT SO WILL TAKE A ONE DOWN OR EQUALIZING POSITION.

MEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO PRESENT IDEAS IN A WAY THAT MINIMIZES DOUBTS.

WOMEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO SAY “WE” AND MINIMIZE THEIR CONTRIBUTION.

MEN ASK LESS QUESTIONS – PARTICULARLY IF IT MAKES THEM LOOK LIKE THEY DON’T KNOW SOMETHING.

WOMEN TEND TO SEE THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES AS MORE FIXED AND ABSOLUTE AND LESS NEGOTIABLE.

Conversation is ritual in the sense that we speak in ways our culture has conventionalized and expect certain types of responses.

Differences in conversation rituals

Apologies Ritual Opposition Compliments Feedback

COMMUNICATING ANGER

EXPRESS ANGER IN PHYSICAL OUTBURST

EXPRESS ANGER LESS


Conversation rituals

STYLE MEN WOMEN

APOLOGIES APOLOGIZE LESSAPOLOGIZE FOR DIFFERENT

REASONS

CONFLICTMORE COMFORTABLE WITH VERBAL

COMBATAVOIDS CONFLICT

PERHAPS FOR GOOD REASON

COMPLIMENTSLESS COMPLIMENTS, OFTEN ABOUT

THINGS NOT PERSONALMORE COMPLIMENTS AND OFTEN HAVE TROUBLE RECEIVING THEM

FEEDBACKMORE DIRECT AND CRITICAL

FEEDBACKMORE BALANCED,

GOOD AND BAD

MEN ARE LESS LIKELY TO APOLOGIZE. IT KEEPS THEM IN THE ONE UP POSITION.

WOMEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO AVOID VERBAL CONFRONTATION ANDWILL PRESENT IDEAS WITH LESS CERTAINTY.

MEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO GIVE DIRECT CRITICAL FEEDBACK.

MEN EXPRESS ANGER IN PHYSICAL OUTBURSTS. STATUS GOES UP WITH ANGER EXPRESSIONS.

WOMEN GIVE MORE COMPLIMENTS AND OFTEN HAVE TROUBLE RECEIVING THEM.

BODY LANGUAGEWarm and Authority

Your body language matters

When you are first introduced to someone you immediately and unconsciously access him or her for warmth and authority.

WARMTH AUTHORITY

Open body posturesPalm up hand gestures

Full frontal body orientationPositive eye contact

Synchronized movementsHead nods

Head tiltsSmiles

Erect postureCommand of physical spacePurposeful strideFirm handshakePalm down gesturesLong pausesHold eye contact for long periodsFirm concentrated expression

- Carol Gorman, Silent Language of Leaders

People use body language to subliminally evaluate your credibility, confidence, likability and trustworthiness in the first seven seconds.

Differences in body language

Voice Face Head Approach Space


Body language

STYLE MEN WOMEN

VOICETHOUGHT TO BE MATURE,

MASCULINE AND INTELLIGENTJUDGED TO BE FEMININE, SHALLOW AND

UNINTELLIGENT

FACESMILE LESS AND MORE FACIAL SIGNS

OF AUTHORITYWARM FACIAL AND TEND TO LOOK AT

SPEAKERS MORE

HEAD NODS MOSTLY TO AGREENODS TO AGREE AND SHOW THEY ARE

LISTENING, TILTS HEAD MORE

APPROACHMORE COMFORTABLE WHEN APPROACH

BY THE SIDETEND TO APPROACH FROM

THE FRONT

SPACE USE MORE SPACE THAN WOMENUSE LESS SPACE, BOTH VERBAL AND PHYSICAL

MEN HAVE THREE TONES. THROATY, TENSE VOICES ARE THOUGHT TO BE MATURE, MASCULINE AND INTELLIGENT.

WOMEN USE WARM FACIAL AND TEND TO LOOK AT SPEAKERS MORE.

MEN USE NODS MOSTLY TO AGREE.

WOMEN TEND TO APPROACH FROM THE FRONT.

MEN USE MORE SPACE THAN WOMEN.

DIFFERENT BETTER

WOMENMEN

PositivesPhysical presence

Direct and forceful approach

Body signal power and authority

PositivesAbility to read body language

Good listening skills

Effective display of empathy

NegativesOverly blunt and direct

Insensitive to emotional reactions

Too confident in own opinion

NegativesOverly emotional

Indecisive

Lacking authority in body language

Summary of differences




Self Assessment



PLAYIf you don’t play, you can’t win.

BRANDStand for something.

ACTAll the world’s a stage.

SOUND90% of your perception.

THINKYour mindset matters.

LOOK55% of credibility comes from look.

RESPONDRespond appropriately.

Where do you need to focus?

FOURI don’t even think about it.

It comes naturally.

THREEI know how to change it, but

I have to think about it.

ONEI don’t know what I’m doing

wrong.

TWOI know what I’m doing wrong.

I don’t know how to change it

Consciousness

Co

mp

eten

ce

Goal: unconscious competence

Men are socialized for status and women are socialized for rapport. This shows up in linguistic style, conversational rituals and body language.

After the discussion and quiz do you see a few areas you could work on to be more effective?

Unconscious biases hold women back. Many of them come down to the differences in the way men and women communicate.

Situation Differences Self Assessment

What we have covered

How we’ll spend our time

Do you communicate like a girl? 10:00 – 11:00

B R E A K 11:00 – 11:15

What you say: the story 11:15 – 12:00

L U N C H 12:00 – 1:00

What you say: exercise 1:00 – 1:35

B R E A K 1:35 – 1:45

How you say it: presentation skills 1:45 – 3:45

What’s next: recommendations 3:50 – 4:30

Basics

Story Development

Story Packaging

Presentation

Facilitation

Understand Your Brand

Build Natural Strengths

Develop Core Stump

Next Level Presentation

Have Difficult Conversations

Adaptive Style

Read Audience

Adapt Style/Story to Audience

Control over Body Language

Strong Crisis Communications

Advanced Negotiation

Your Style

Communications Development Path

Recommendations

1. Know your strengths and potential – don’t minimize.2. Understand differences and preferences…and adapt.3. Ensure people with valuable things to say are heard.4. Know and ask for what you want – make it big.5. Accept not everyone needs to like you -- but you do.6. Recognize resistance and deal with it.7. Don’t aim for perfection.8. Know how to and have difficult conversations.9. Be sure of your purpose.10. Keep developing your communication skills

“There is a special place in hell for women that don’t help other women.”

Madeleine Albright, 64th Secretary of State of the United States

Christine Lagarde, IMF head

“Dare the difference.”

“My grandma always told me, To be a woman, you have to learn how to stand on your own feet. She really meant that because in her time, most Chinese women had bound feet…My grandma, an illiterate village girl, stopped in the middle of her binding process and ran… She had the courage to seek freedom and to really be herself.”

Yang Lan, Chair Sun Media Investment Holdings

“My mother taught me to always do my duty. I may not have always been successful but I have always tried.”

Aung San Suu Kyi, General Secretary of

the National League for Democracy

People who focus on how others perceive them are less clear about their goals, less open to learning from failure, and less capable of self-regulation. Anchoring in purpose enables women to redirect their attention toward shared goals and to consider who they need to be and what they need to learn in order to achieve those goals. - Harvard Business Review, Sept 2013 Executive coach and psychotherapist Lois P Frankel PhD

Talking from 9-5 by Deborah Tannen

You Just Don’t Understand! Women and Men in Conversation by Deborah Tannen

How Remarkable Women Lead by Joanna Barsh and Susie Cranston

Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office by Lois P Frankel

The Silent Language of Leaders by Carol Gorman

Women Don’t Ask by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever

Recommended Reading Presenting to Win by Jerry Weissman

Resonate by Nancy Duarte

Toastmasters - www.toastmasters.org

Jock Elliott - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0a_EcZyQts

Neil Pasricha - http://www.ted.com/talks/neil_pasricha_the_3_a_s_of_awesome.html

http://www.toastmasters.org/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0a_EcZyQts

http://www.ted.com/talks/neil_pasricha_the_3_a_s_of_awesome.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/neil_pasricha_the_3_a_s_of_awesome.html

Back-up Slides

Your Personal BrandTips & Technics On Your Brand

GROOMING

Gucci or GapIt’s how comfortable you feel and how well your clothes fit. But in general you want to adapt to your forum (a tie for the Board of Directors) and your persona (a jacket for a visionary, rolled up sleeves for a man who executes)

Make your clothes work for you and wear a warm color close to your face. White washes out pale-skinned speakers and black casts shadows, especially under fluorescent lights

Well-groomed means no wrinkles and clothes that fit.Not too small. Not too big

You should speak louder than your clothes

Your clothes shouldn’t match the wallpaper

Don’t be camera shyCameras are machines. They make nearer objects look bigger than objects further away

Vertical lines will slim you down, so button the jacket

Patterns can be tricky, so avoid them if you can

What your clothes look like when you stand is different when you’re sitting

Cameras will pick up anything that jingles or makes noise. Empty your pockets, remove your bracelets

Call ahead and get recommendations

During the interview is not the time to fussing with your hair

GROOMING

Delivery & StyleEmotional Projection and Interaction

Connection with audience (eye contact, facial expressions)

Vocal variety & projection (unwords, volume and tone)

Body language

Story-telling

Persuasiveness and influencing skills

Presence and charm

Pacing and white space

Pronunciation and accent reduction

Persuasiveness and influencing skills

Presence and charm

Sincerity

Confidence

Conviction (passion)

Respect

Dealing with unmotivated, negative and hostile participants

On point

Staying relaxed and focused under pressure

Audience rapport and connection

Audience memory and organization devices

Not defensive

Good recovery from mistakes

Content transfer issues

DELIVERY

Delivery – Second by Second

A

PREPARATIONDeveloping your storyScoping out the logisticsSet up & Meeting the Audience

INTRODUCTIONSSetting tone & credibility

WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENSConnecting and PersuadingMaking your pointDriving action

CLOSURELeaving on a high noteShutdownFollow up

Elvis is in the

building

10sec

B

Everyone is gone

Speaking down or patronizing participants

Playing favorites with the audience

Using an attendee as a negative example

Not being sensitive to participant comfort and safety

Calling people by the wrong name

Not meeting the standards that you set for the class (i.e. being late from lunch breaks when you expect everyone else to be back on time)

Telling war stories

Using foul language

Not modeling what you are training

Using language over the heads of your participants

Lines To Not Cross

From Head To Toe

Eyes Face

Mouth& Voice

HandsBody and Body Movement

Stance

FeetPacing & Whole Body Motion

FACE AND EYES

Make your neutral face a smiling one.

Keep your eyes on your audience.

Don’t cover your face.

MOUTH AND VOICE

Make sure that you’re heard.

Your voice matches your

presentation in passion

and conviction

Pace yourself.

Breath.

Tips From Head To Toe

HANDS

Open Palm.

No props.

Things break.

BODY

Lead with your chin.

Sit leaning forward slightly.


STANCE

Respect your audience.

Keep a non-defensive stance.

FEET AND PACING

Have a locked start position.

Walk with purpose..

Be deliberate

Stop on key points.


Stance

Feet

Pacing and Whole Body Motion

Body andBody MovementEyes

Face

Hands

Mouth& Voice

Let’s Practice

Don’t monologue

Instead of ‘eye contact’, you want to have ‘ear contact’

Talk to people that you happen not to be able to see

Be aware of your cadence

Pacing is more important than ever – give shorter answers to questions, and pause more.

Let people hear your energy and enthusiasm:

Stand when you present

Be more animated than normal

Have paper and a pen nearby. Take notes. Refer to your notes when you speak up – show that you’ve been paying attention!

Interweave names, locations, functions or teams into your conversation

Ask more questions than you usually would – prefaced by names

Directionality counts! Avoid having your voice muffled by speaking while looking straight ahead. Don’t talk down into the phone

Use your PowerPoint tools (Pen/Felt pen tools)

Phone Tips

Pick one of your favorite holidays. Describe the holiday and why you like it.

Think about the games that you played when you were younger. What was your favorite and describe a memorable time playing that game?

Describe the trip that you would most like to take in your lifetime

Choose one of the topics below. Prepare and deliver a 2-3 minute speech on the topic.

When you think of comfort food, what do you think of and how did it become so memorable to you?

PERSONAL

What are your priorities for the next 1-3 years?

WORK What are your most recent accomplishments for your function?

Who are your competitors and why are they on your list?

Exercise

CHUNKING EXERCISE

I thought I was going to sneak away tonight. What a glorious night.

Every face I see is a memory.

It may not be a perfectly perfect memory.Sometimes we had our ups and downs.But we're all together and you're mine for a night.And I'm going to break precedent and tell you my one-candle wish:That you would have a life as lucky as mine,where you can wake up one morning and say,"I don't want anything more." ...Sixty-five years.Don't they go by in a blink....

"MEET JOE BLACK" (1998)WILLIAM PARRISH 65TH BIRTHDAY PARTY SPEECHhttp://www.americanrhetoric.com/MovieSpeeches/moviespeechmeetjoeblack.html

Fans, for the past two weeks you have been reading about a bad break I got. Yet today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth.I have been in ballparks for seventeen years and have never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you fans. Look at these grand men. Which of you wouldn’t consider it the highlight of his career just to associate with them for even one day?Sure I’m lucky.

Who wouldn’t consider it an honor to have known Jacob Ruppert? Also, the builder of baseball’s greatest empire, Ed Barrow? To have spent six years with that wonderful little fellow, Miller Huggins? Then to have spent the next nine years with that outstanding leader, that smart student of psychology, the best manager in baseball today, Joe McCarthy?Sure I’m lucky.

LOU GEHRIGFAREWELL TO BASEBALL ADDRESSDELIVERED 4 JULY 1939, YANKEE STADIUM, NEW YORKhttp://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/lougehrigfarewelltobaseball.htm

WILLIAM JEFFERSON CLINTONOKLAHOMA BOMBING MEMORIAL PRAYERSERVICE ADDRESSDELIVERED 23 APRIL 1995 IN OKLAHOMA CITY, OK http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/wjcoklahomabombingspeech.htm

I am honored to be here today to represent the American people. But I have to tell you that Hillary and I also come as parents, as husband and wife, as people who were your neighbors for some of the best years of our lives.Today our nation joins with you in grief. We mourn with you. We share your hope against hope that some may still survive. We thank all those who have worked so heroically to save lives and to solve this crime – those here in Oklahoma and those who are all across this great land, and many who left their own lives to come here to work hand in hand with you. We pledge to do all we can to help you heal the injured, to rebuild this city, and to bring to justice those who did this evil.

WHAT ARE THE ELEMENTS IN A COMMUNICATION STYLE?

Linguistics

Conversation Ritual

Body Language


Summary of linguistic style

MEN WOMEN

DEGREE OFDIRECTNESS

MORE DIRECT INDIRECT

ONE UPONE DOWN

ONE UP POSITION ONE DOWN POSITION

CONFIDENCE MINIMIZES DOUBTS DOWNPLAY CERTAINTY

GETTING CREDIT SAY “I”, SHOWCASE WORK

SAY “WE”, MINIMIZE CONTRIBUTION

QUESTIONS ASK LESS QUESTIONS SEEKS AGREEMENT

Women have a tendency

to say what they mean without spelling it out.

Men are often more direct.

Degree of directness

Women are more sensitive to rapport so will take a one down or equalizing position.

Men are more sensitive to power so will work to take a one up position.

One up and one down

Women are more likely to present work in a way that downplays certainty.

Men are more likely to present ideas in a way that minimizes doubts.

Confidence

Women are more likely to say “we” and minimize their contribution.

Men are more likely to say “I” and showcase their work.

Getting credit

Women are more likely to ask questions which may put them in a one down position.

Men ask less questions – particularly if it makes them look like they don’t know something.

Asking questions

Women tend to see their circumstances as more fixed and absolute and less negotiable.

Men are more likely to ask for what they want.

Asking for what they want


Summary of conversation rituals

COMMUNICATING ANGER

EXPRESS ANGER IN PHYSICAL OUTBURST

EXPRESS ANGER LESS

STYLE MEN WOMEN

APOLOGIES APOLOGIZE LESSAPOLOGIZE FOR DIFFERENT

REASONS

CONFLICTMORE COMFORTABLE WITH VERBAL

COMBATAVOIDS CONFLICT

PERHAPS FOR GOOD REASON

COMPLIMENTSLESS COMPLIMENTS, OFTEN ABOUT

THINGS NOT PERSONALMORE COMPLIMENTS AND OFTEN HAVE TROUBLE RECEIVING THEM

FEEDBACKMORE DIRECT AND CRITICAL

FEEDBACKMORE BALANCED,

GOOD AND BAD

Apologies

Women are more likely to apologize as a way of establishing rapport.

Men are less likely to apologize. It keeps them in the one up position.

Conflict: Ritual Opposition

Women are more likely to avoid verbal confrontation and will present ideas with less certainty.

Men are more comfortable with verbal combat and will more aggressively present ideas and engage in debate.

Feedback

Women are less direct with their feedback often balancing good and bad.

Women express anger less. Status goes down with anger expression.

Men express anger in physical outbursts. Status goes up with anger expressions.

Conflict: Communicating Anger

Feedback

Women give more compliments and often have trouble receiving them.

Compliments

Men are less likely to give compliments. They accept compliments more easily.

Feedback

Women are less direct with their feedback often balancing good and bad.

Men are more likely to give direct critical feedback.


Summary of body language differences

STYLE MEN WOMEN

VOICETHOUGHT TO BE MATURE,

MASCULINE AND INTELLIGENTJUDGED TO BE FEMININE, SHALLOW AND

UNINTELLIGENT

FACESMILE LESS AND MORE FACIAL

SIGNS OF AUTHORITYWARM FACIAL AND TEND TO LOOK AT

SPEAKERS MORE

HEAD NODS MOSTLY TO AGREENODS TO AGREE AND SHOW THEY ARE

LISTENING, TILTS HEAD MORE

APPROACHMORE COMFORTABLE WHEN APPROACH

BY THE SIDETEND TO APPROACH FROM

THE FRONT

SPACE USE MORE SPACE THAN WOMENUSE LESS SPACE, BOTH VERBAL AND PHYSICAL

Voice

Women have five tones. Breathy, tense voices judged to be feminine, shallow and unintelligent.

Men have three tones. Throaty, tense voices are thought to be mature, masculine and intelligent.

Face

Women use warm facial and tend to look at speakers more.

Men smile less and more facial signs of authority.

Head

women use them to agree and show they are listening. Women tilt head more.

Men use nods mostly to agree.

Approach

Women tend to approach from the front.

Men are more comfortable when approached by the side.

Space

Men use more space than women.

Women use less space – verbal and physical.

“When I first went into business, I had a tough time. It’s countercultural to be the most energetic person at the meeting. It’s countercultural to assert yourself. Through most of my thirties and forties, I had to work on it, to have a seat the table and have a point of view. I think I found a sweet spot that feels like I’m still me.”

Andrea Jung, CEO Avon

Christine Lagarde, IMF head

“The story is never what she says, as much as we want it to be. The story is always how she looked when she said it. Clinton says she doesn’t fight it anymore; she just focuses on getting the job done..”

Don’t wing it… work on it.

WE WORK IN A FIRST DRAFT CULTURE. TYPE AN EMAIL. SEND.

WRITE A BLOG ENTRY. POST.WHIP UP SOME SLIDES. SPEAK.

IT’S IN CRAFTING AND RE-CRAFTINGTHAT EXCELLENCE EMERGES.

- Nancy Duarte, HBR Guide to Persuasive Presentations