Why NOT To Do a Startup… because You Will FAIL, Loser.

Dave McClure500startups.com

Master of 500 Hats

Tahoe Tech Talk - Oct 2010

@DaveMcClure

DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.

#1: Yer a WANTrepreneur.

You’re in this for all the Wrong reasons: You think it’s “So Fucking Cool” to do a startup You want to make LOTS of Money. You have Teh Awesome Technology Solution.

The Right Reasons: You Live in Fear. You Can’t Get Laid. Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER.

YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER]

PROBLEM

DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.#2: You are a FAT and LAZY

SLOB You’ve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs.

You Drive a Nice Car & It’s Paid For.

You Live in a Big House.

You Don’t Worry About Paying Bills.

You Want to Kiss The Kids Goodnight.

You Your Spouse > Your Startup.

tip: Doing a Startup is a Lesson in Pain & Sacrifice.

DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.

#3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN,But No Product and No Customers.

See: “Startup Metrics for Pirates”

Bullshit Revenue Projection ----->(up & to the right)

DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.

#4: Your Idea SUCKS(and even your Mom thinks so)

You Don’t Have a Working Prototype.

Worse: Have Prototype, But No One Uses It.

It Sucks a Lot More than the Competition.

See: “Lean Startup (Ries) & Customer Development (Blank)”

DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.#5: You Have Teh Awesome

SOLUTION…to a PROBLEM that does not exist.

See: “Your Solution Is Not My Problem”

DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.

#6: You’re a LOSER, not a LEADER.

You Procrastinate. A Lot.

You’re not Charismatic.

You Get Beaten [Up] Regularly.

Your Vision is usually Wrong.

You’re Scared of Change.

When Other People Tell You That You’re Wrong, You Believe Them.

…and you’re Ugly too, bitch.Watch: “Kick-Ass” or “Glee”

DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.#7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Won’t Raise Money

(or SuperAngels Collude to Screw You Over)

50 slides in your deck

Technical Jargon

Demo FAIL

Clueless Investors

EVIL Investors

See: “How To Pitch a VC”

DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.

#8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have No Idea How to Hire (or Fire).

No Technical Founders / Coders

No Design / UX / Usability

No Internet Mktg (Search, Social)

No Mobile expertise

No Enterprise Sales / Biz Dev

No Recruiter, or They Suck… Bad.

DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.#9: CoFounders & Employees =

Whiners.

You WILL miss a payroll.

Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza.

There WILL be Office Politics.

People WILL discover and compare salary & stock options.

Someone WILL sue yer ass: Sexual Harassment Wrongful Termination Unhappy Customer Jealous Competitor

DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.

#10: You Can’t Sell or Market 4 Shit.

You Don’t Know Marketing.

You Think Marketing = TechCrunch.

You Don’t Know What SEO stands for.

You Think SEM = SEO.

You Don’t Know or Use Social Platforms (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube).

You’ve never built Facebook or iPhone App, or a Social Game.

You’ve never sent an email campaign, written a blog post, or run an affiliate marketing campaign.

See: “Startup-Marketing.com (Ellis)”

DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.#11: You’d Rather Change the Channel

Than Change The World.

Wouldn’t you rather watch GLEE or Monday Night Football?

Sure you would, Loser.

Just relaaaaaxxxxxx.

Fuck. That.

Noise.

DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.

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