who is talking to whom? - simply being · who is talking to whom? james low a talk given to...

©JamesLow www.simplybeing.co.ukP a g e |1

WhoisTalkingtoWhom?

JamesLow

Atalkgiventopsychotherapytrainees

London,15November2011

TranscribedbyAmandaLebus

EditedbyJamesLow

JameshasarticlesaboutCATinthepublicationsbelow.

CognitiveAnalyticTherapybyAnthonyRyleandJamesLow.Chapter7inComprehensivehandbookofpsychotherapyintegrationeditedbyGeorgeStrickerandJeroldR.Gold(NewYork:PlenumPress,c1993)CanbereadonGoogleBooksCognitiveAnalyticTherapybyJamesLow.Chapter5:24inTheSageHandbookofCounsellingandPsychotherapy.EditedbyColinFelthamandIanHorton,(London,SagePubn,2006)2nded.

Therearetwointerweavingtopicstoconsiderhere.Thefirstisthenatureofsubjectivityfromthe

pointofviewofCAT(CognitiveAnalyticTherapy),andthesecond is the impactofmindfulnesson

oursubjectivity.

TheNatureofSubjectivity

Whenwe are sitting in the roomwith someone,we have the sense thatwe are there and so is

somebodyelse.Itseemsobvious,welookaroundtheroomandweseeaperson.Wecansensein


manyways, including the shapeof thebody, that there is an integrity to theperson. Just as the

physicalskinenvelopesusandseemstoseparateusfromtheenvironment,wealsoseemtohavea

psychological skin,whichhas a similar function. In CATwe thinkof that skin as being somewhat

permeable,sometimestoopermeable,andwealsothinkofitashavingparticularkindsofcontents.

Justasthebodyhasheartandlungs,liverandsoon,sothepsychologicalskincontainsself‐statesor

aspectswhichbothconstitutethe‘self’andappeartobepartsofit.Theseself‐statesaresystemsof

communication located within a meta system commonly called the ‘self’. These systems are all

nichedwithinothersystemsandcontactbetweensystems iswhat iscalledcommunication. From

thispointofviewtherearenofixedentitiesintheworld,onlysystemsincommunicationwitheach

other. The edge of any phenomena is actually quite a contoured surface that is in dynamic

communicationwithwhat’sgoingonaroundit.Evenobjectsthatseemstableandrigid,forexample

thecutedgeofadiamond,ifputunderanelectronmicroscopearerevealedtohaveapermeable,

dynamic surface. Thus on a subtle level there are no clear boundaries dividing one ‘thing’ from

another; all phenomena, including ourselves, are communication, the sending and receiving of

pulsationsofenergy.

Oursocietycurrentlyisverytiltedinthedirectionoftheautonomousindividualandthereisagreat

pressureonustobeabletoassertourselves,knowingwhoweareandwhatwewant.Thismaywell

be a reaction to the chaos of two world wars and the sense that a personal identity based on

nationalism or ideology is likely to lead us into dark places. Yet of course we are influenced by

fashions in clothing,eating, thinking, feeling, sensing. As individualsweare constantly influenced

by,andinfluencing,whatisgoingonaroundus.Weareparticipantsin,andas,theflowoftime.We

extendourselvesintime,andthatextensionisalwaysadisplacementtowardssomethingwhichcan

neverbearrivedat. Thatistosay,we’realwaysheadingforafuturethatneveroccursforweare

always,andonly,inthepresent.

Ourexperienceisalwaysinthepresentbutourconceptsofpastandfuturecreatetheillusionthat

theyare likeplaceswecanvisit andeven inhabit. This iswherewe findourselves strungacross

time. Witha senseofhavingapast,wecan ‘remember’ourchildhood,butwecan’tactuallyget

backtoit.Weseemtomovetowardsafuture,yetitwillneverarrive,becausewhateverweimagine

ourfuturewillbe,somethingelsealwaysturnsup. Andwhatofthepresent? Perhapsthedirect,

immediate present is actually a rare experience for us, since when we are not caught up in the

fantasies of past and futurewe are busy interpretingwhat is currently occurring. That iswe tell

ourselveswhatweareexperiencingandsogetinthewayofreceivingoptimalcontactwithourlived

environments,both‘external’and‘internal’.


Theaspectsofourselves,ourself‐states,eachseemtoexistinsidetheirownskin,butwithvarying

degreesofpermeability. Eachsub‐systemisnichedinsideabiggersystem,whichis inturnniched

insideabiggersystemandabiggersystem,forallsystemsareniched. This indicatesthatwetake

ourplaceinsidetheworldthatisrevealedtousaccordingtothelevelofmagnificationthatweare

currentlyconcernedwith.Forexample,ifyou’reinanairplaneflyingtoAsiainthedaytimeyoucan

seethatyouarepassingovermanydifferentcountries.Youdon’tlandinthesecountries,butyou’re

aware, ‘Nowwe’regoingacrossFrance,nowGermany’andsoon. In that traversingof thespace

aboveeachcountry,youdon’texperienceenmeshmentinanyoftheparticularitiesoftheseplaces,

for, in that situation, theyexist simplyasaconcept. If theplanestops to refuel,yougetoutand

then you’re aware that you’re somewhere in particular; the signs are in a language youprobably

don’tunderstand,peoplearewearingkindsofdress that youyourselfmightnotwearand soon.

Thusthe levelofmagnificationofourgazeorattention introducesyoutoqualitiesofsimplicityor

complexity,abstractionordetail.

If you think of a person, they have a name and some simplemarkers of their story, for example

beingborninaparticularcountryataparticulartime,doingaparticularjob,withthisorthatkindof

afamily.Onthatlevel,peoplecanbesummedupquiteeasily.Howeverwhenyoustartlookinginto

the self‐states which operate within and as that person, description becomes more complicated

becausetheseself‐statesarenotenduringaspermanentexpressionsoftheperson;rathertheyare

aflexiblerepertoireofmoves,whicharevariouslyconstellatedbytransientevents.Theaspectsof

theseevents that trigger a change in self‐statemayormaynotbeevident to theperson. Inour

lives, a lotof the timewe findourselves involved in somethingandwedon’t knowwhy. Weare

interestedinsomeone,wedon’treallyknowwhy,orwe’renotinterestedinsomeoneandwedon’t

reallyknowwhy.

We also experience this with our patients. We may have some knowledge of the explanatory

conceptsoftransferenceandcountertransference.Thesetermsdescribeparticularwaysofreading

what is goingon in the consulting room. The reading is an interpretation, aprojectionon to the

situationofamotifthatorganizesourexperienceintoapatternthatmakessensetous.Thusyou

mightfeelverybenign,youmightfeelonthesideofyourpatientandwanttodoalottohelpthem,

oryoumightnot.Somethingisbeingconstellatedbetweenyou,butbywhat?Wefindourselvesin

that particularmood, in that particular availability or non‐availability. It’s not usually a conscious

decision.Especiallywhenyou’retrainingtobeatherapist,itcanbequitedisconcertingbecauseyou

haveanideathatyouwanttohelppeople.Youarelearningsomuchinordertobeincontactwith

people,andyet,somekindofantipathyarises,somekindof turningaway,what is that? Youcan


thinkaboutitonthelevelofsomethingoccurringbetweenpeople,butactuallyit’sverycomplicated

because there are many, many self‐states in the patient, and there are many self‐states in the

therapist.

When twopeoplemeet, their self‐state systemsmeet. Wedon’t knowwhich of these particular

self‐states are going to come forwardandact as a kindof calling card that can influenceor even

determine our sense ofwho that person ‘is’. Something is going onwhich can bemoppedup by

applying the analytic discourse of transference and countertransference, relating the occurrence

back to some childhood event. The event becomes a template which is situationally evoked,

appearingasare‐stagingoftheoriginalevent.Thiskindofexplanationallowsasenseofmeaning,

order, reliability to be gained by the therapist. However with the notion of self‐states, the

interpretativeunderstanding is not in termsof the transferenceof apast eventbut ratherof the

rangeof the repertoireof the individual’s self‐aspects and the factorswhich elicit their particular

appearanceanddisappearancewithallthevariationsofintensity,appropriatenessandsoon.

Wemaythinkthatourjobistogainsomeclarityaboutwhatoccurs,andthereforeweshouldthink

aboutourselves, reflectonwhatwedo,andbecome reflectivepractitioners. This carriesa sense

thatwecankeepaneyeonwhatisgoingon.Canwereallymaintainclarityandnotgetlost?Isthis

achievable,or is ithubris? This isaveryoldquestion. Forexample, ifapersongoestoaCatholic

church,astheyentertheycometoacontainerofholywater,andthenalongthesideofthechurch

therearesomelittlecubiclesforconfession.Thepersonentersintheirusualstate,ofP,fortheyare

profane.Withthefirstlittlesplashofholywatertheybecomealittlelessprofane,theyarenowP‐1.

TheyentertheconfessionalwhereinsecretisMr.Sacred.P‐1goesinthereandwhenhecomesout

heisP‐2,maybeevenalmostnoPatall.

Afterconfessionthisperson,P‐2,attendsthemass,sittingatthefrontandwatchingthepriest,the

sacred, consecrated officiant perform the ritual which reveals the miracle of the Eucharist. The

sacredofficiantevokes thegreatsacred,S++++,andthenP‐2 isable topartakeof this, so that, in

thatmomentofreceivingthebreadandwine,thefleshandtheblood,withfullbelief,theprofane,

the lost, the unholy is dissolved and P‐2 is now fresh, freed, purified of limitation, restored to

wholeness,healedandrestoredtocommunionwiththedivine.

However,thistransformationdoesn’toccurjustonceinlife.Whyisthat?Becausepeoplefallback

intosinfulness.Whyisthat?IsittogiveMr.Sacredajob?Becauseifitonlyhappenedoncewhat

wouldtheydowiththerestoftheirtime?Perhapsitisbecausewefinditveryhardtoavoidslipping

backintooldpatterns.Oursenseofidentityisbasedonhabits,onrelianceonfamiliarsignifiersand


signifieds.Thisleadstoanongoingpulsationbetweenintentionalchangeandmindlessrelapse.Thus

the churchor the consulting roombecomes a spiritual or psychological dialysismachine. Because

thepsycho‐spiritualkidneysarenotworking,thetoxinshavetobeflushedoutagainandagain.

This relates to the new conclusion that was reached in the 1950’s about the nature of

countertransference.Upuntilthattime,therewasthebeliefthatifyouhadenoughanalysis,allthe

toxinswouldbepermanentlyremovedandyouwouldbeinastateofgrace,astateofclarity.Butin

the1950’sbravepeople likePaulaHeinemannsaid,“No, I’vehada lotofanalysisandIhavebeen

practicingforalongtimebeendoingitalongtimeandactuallyIstillhavestrongreactionsthatIget

lostin.”Thenpeoplestartedtocomeoutoftheclosetandsay,“Ialsogetlost”,“Iamalsoproneto

gettinglost...I’mfoundandthenI’mlost.”

This is similar to the church experience, in which the sacred and the profane are in on‐going

conversation. Thepossibilityofregenerationorrebirthmightbeseenasan infinite, transcendent

movementwhichcouldbehere,now,complete,forever,orcouldbeseenasahorizontalpulsation

of progression/regression that never ends. Perhaps these two views have to be held

simultaneously.Inthehopeoftheresurrection,butlivinginafallenworld;thisisthebasisofmost

psychotherapy.Boththepriestandthetherapisthavetoactasiftheyaresorted,clear,abovethe

flowofcomplex involvementthatconstituteseveryday life. Theyaretheonessupposedtoknow,

theoneswhoappeartohavearrived. Iftheybelievethisofthemselvestheyfallpreytohubris; if

theycan’tletothersbelieveittheydiminishtheircapacitytohelpandheal.

In spiteof themselvespeople find themselves fallingback intoa lost state. Whenthey’re in their

observingself,whenthey’rereflectingon“WhoamI?WhatdidIgetcaughtupin?Ah…whydidIdo

that?Ah,nowIsee,I’mnotgoingtodothatanymore!”greatdecisionscanstillbemade.Andyet,

the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. Why is the flesh weak? Because it has very poor

communication.Thatistosay,the‘sites’withinusofrationalconsciousintentionandthe‘sites’of

habitual,oftenwilful,impulsivebehaviourareoftennottalkingtoeachother.Theymanifestserially

i.e. bad action followed by guilty reflection, rather than all being brought together in open

communication.Lifeasapraxis,apractice, requiresbeingpresent in themoment rather than the

formulationofgrandplansthatareneverquiteimplemented.

Jesus says, “Forgive themFather, they knownotwhat theydo”, andwe therapists say something

similar toourpatientsabout their self‐states. Wesay,“Don’tget tooupsetwith theseaspectsof

yourselfandofthepeopleyouencounter.Regardingothers,theywilldowhattheydo.Youhaveto


bethegoodshepherdofyourownself‐states.”Ihopethisisn’ttootheological,butIthinkit’suseful

asametaphor.

Sohowdoyoubecomeagoodshepherdofyourself? First,youhavetoknowthatsheepget lost.

Sheeparenotanimalsyoucantrainveryeasily;theywillgetlost.Thenalsoyouhavetoknowthat

outthere,therearewolves.Paradoxically,ifyouknowthesetworatherscarythings,lifecanstartto

get better. You start to develop a phenomenological attention; you start to look at the world

aroundyouandseeitwithouteditingorprojectingsomuchontoit.Whenyoumeetsomeoneyou

firstcheckiftheyareawolfinsheep’sclothing.Peoplemaywellpresentthemselvesasbeingnice;

yourresponsibilityistocheckthemoutandnotbetakeninbyappearances,forwhatyouseeisnot

the whole story. Moreover we may think that our own self‐states are like sheep, but to other

people’sself‐states,theymightappearlikewolves.

Weareallblindtoourowncomplexity,andthesecomplexpatterns,inhavingalifeoftheirown,do

unintendedbutuntolddamagetootherpeopleandtoourselves. It’snotthatwe,ormostpeople,

arewilfully bad, butwe find ourselvesmis‐attuningwith people, promising thingswe can’t fulfil,

gettingconfused invariousways. Doesblaminghelp? Does itpromoteuseful change? Religious

traditionshaveoftenusedasuper‐egovoice todirect, correctandcastigate. So ismoralisingany

useintherapy?Moralisingusedtobethoughtofasoneofthekeywaysofkeepingpeopleonthe

straightandnarrow.Thisattitudewouldbeinthesermonsinchurch.InmanyoldchurchestheTen

Commandmentswerepaintedonthewall. Therewasasensethatthesearetheprinciplesof life,

and if youhumblyattend to them theywillwrap themselvesaroundyouandgiveyoua senseof

purposeanddirection.

Since many people have abandoned that attitude, or since our culture has fallen into disarray

aroundthesenseofhavinganyguidingstorylikethat,howcanwestayontrackwithoutaguiding

meta‐narrative?Indeedisthereatracktostayon?Thispointstothefunctionoftheobservingself.

Theobservingself looksinside, looksattheenvironment, looksintomemory,looksintohope,and

triestokeepasenseofdirectionandbalance.Butwhatisthecompassturnedtowards?Howshall

welive?Whowillgiveusguidanceaswewanderinthewilderness?Canwefindthisresourceinside

ourselves?Canwetrustthevoicesofourself‐states?Theobservingselfisthecapacitytosee,asfar

aspossible,theintegratedfieldofexperience,allthatisgoingonmoment‐by‐moment.Itisnotjust

a witness but a participant observer, and this requires a high degree of self‐reflectivity and self‐

reflexivity.Therearemanywaysinwhichwelosethislevelofclarity.Twocommononesaretobe

toofaronthesideofparticipatingsothatonegetscaughtupintheflowofactivitywithoutseeing


what is going on. Or to be too far on the side of observing so that one merely notes what is

occurringandmissesthevitalmomentofeffectiveparticipation.

Weneedtolookatourselvesandfindoutwhatarethefactorsthathelpustomaintainasenseof

balance. What supports our ethical intention? Is awareness enough or do we need rules and

principles to apply? Ifwe apply rules andprinciples is this largely ameans todealwithourown

anxiety?Certainly,theimpoverishedareathatourclinicisin,hostsacultureofdeprivationinevery

aspectoflife.Ourpatientsoftenhaveverylittlesenseofhowtoliveafulllife.Yetwhoistodecide

whata ‘full file’ is? So,arewedoingthemaviolencebyrecruitingthemintoamoralizingkindof

thinking,orareweofferingthemadevelopmentallyneededresourcetogivethemabitofaspineto

keepthemerect,sothattheycanseemore?Ifyou’returnedinonyourself,youdon’tactuallysee

verymuch.Onlywhenthespinekeepstheheadupcantheworldberevealed.Yetcanweborrow

another’s psychological spine or does that further alienate us from ourselves? Perhaps such

borrowingcanatbestprovideascaffoldingwithinwhich,throughourowneffortandstruggle,we

canfindawaytobepresentintheworldasitis,asitrevealsitselftousasweuniquelyare.

Thispointstooneofthethingswe’reverymuchconcernedabout:whoisspeakingtowhom?When

wespeak,whatisspeakingthroughus?Isitthedevil?Isitsomethingdivine?Isitourpast?Isit

our mother? Our father? Is it an introject? Is it something abject? Something covered over?

Something debased? These are central questions for us all, because they concern the issue of

whetherIcantrustmyself.

A key idea in theprotestant revolutionwas the idea that there shouldbenomediationbetween

manandGod, for themediators confuseusas to theworkweeachmustdo. If you remove the

mediators,thepriests,theintercessionofthesaintsandsoon,theneachpersonwillstandbefore

God, responsible for their own existence and therefore free to choose between life and death.

Otherwise you have a systemwhich envelops someone from birth to the grave, giving guidance

alongtheway,sayingthatifyoualignyourselfwiththissystem,you’llbealright.Thisisatrain;take

yourseat;refreshmentswillbeserved.Youcangoeveryday;ifyoulikeyoucanevengotwiceaday.

there’salwaysamassgoingon!TherearemoremassesinLondonthanAAmeetings.

Ifwe say, “It is up to you to find yourway” is that an abandonmentof the individual in the very

momentthattheyaregivenfreedom?InCATthereisbothstructureandfreedom;thestructureis

thereintheveryserviceoffreedom.Howevertheindividualisinfactdivided,multiple,andifthere

ispoorcommunicationbetweentheseparts, iftheyarequasi‐autonomouszones,thenthere isno

person standing nakedly alone, able to see who they are. Rather there is incredible complexity


outside,andalotofcomplexityandpoorcommunicationinside,andavery,verythinskinofrational

thoughtmediatingtheinteractionsofthesedynamicspheres.

Evenifyouareluckyenoughtohavesecureattachment–whichwouldbeawayofsayingthatyou

aresettledinyourownskin,inyourownbody,thefrontallobesareabletooperate,you’vegotthe

optimal possibility of rational perusal of options and the capacity for reflective integration of

experience–canyouactuallyknowinthemomentoftheirarising,whattheseaspectsofyourself

are?Canrationalthoughtprovidetheanswertothat?Doweneedsomeoneelsetoshowuswhat

weareupto? Ifwe integratethefunctionofthegoodobject,dowedevelopahigherordersplit

that helps us keep an eye on ourselves, tomanage ourselves? If so, then healthwould come to

meantheoppositeofwholeness. Tobehealthywouldbetoabideinadynamictensionbetween

freedomofexpressionandthemonitoringofthatexpressionincaseitledusastray.

HowcanIhelpapersonbehealthy,especiallyifIdon’tbelievethattheirnotionofbeinghealthyis

realhealth?DoIhavetodeconstructtheirvisionofwhatafull lifewouldbeandconvertthemin

somewaytomywayofthinking?Isthataviolence?Isthatanunderminingoftheirrighttochoose

theirownqualityofexistence?Orisitethical,inapaternalistickindofway,tosay,“Actually,they

areunabletochoosebecausetheyhavenotbeenresourced. Wehavetogivethemthechanceto

develop themselves by showing them theway. Thenmore of the energy of life, the libido, can be

released from the intense compression of their encapsulated self‐states and brought into the

observing self to enhance over‐all clarity”. Is that an attack on the person’s structure? Should

peoplebefreetoleadwhateverkindoflifetheywant?

Increasingly inpsychotherapy,aspracticedintheNHS,tobe‘professional’ istoactas ifyouknow

whatanotherpersonneeds.Itisaclaimtoaspecialandprivilegedformofknowingwhichleadsto

power and entitlement, including the entitlement to diagnose another human being, with the

confidencethatyouarehelpingthembyinsertingtheminareductivecategorisation.Howcanwe

knowwhatsomeoneneeds?Well,ifyougivethemadiagnosis,thenyoucanknow.That’swhata

diagnosis is for. The diagnosis is an abstract statement about someone, which then becomes a

summationoftheirsituation,whichthenbecomesthebasisofthe‘treatment’theyreceive.

Inlookingatthehistoryofracism,sexismandsoon,wecanseethesameprinciplesbeingapplied.

You take an abstract identification such as ‘black’ or ‘gay’, add your own values to it, and then

imaginethatbecauseyouknowthataboutaperson,youknoweverythingaboutthem.Thatseems

verydangerous territory, yetwedoexactly thatwhenwe say,“This isaBorderline”. In theCAT

model,webelievewehaveaverygoodmethodfortreating‘Borderlines’,i.e.peoplewithBorderline


PersonalityDisorder.Yetwhatdoesthismean?Primarilyitisyetanotherwayinwhichweappease

our desire for simplicity in a complex world. Nobody is going to do well in politics if they say

“Everythingisvery,verycomplicated,andIthinkthebestthingtodoistobuysomeKleenexandto

haveagoodcry,andthentalktoyourfriendsbecausethefuturewillnotbeanybetter.Pleasevote

forme!”That’snotgoingtoworkatall.Youhavetosay,“Lifecanbebetter,lifecanbesimple”.

So, inour therapyhere,we’redoing that,we’re tellingpeople, “We canmake life better for you.

We’regoing todo itbyabstraction. We’regoing toabstract your senseofwhoyouare from the

livedcomplexityofyourimpulses,yourhistory,yourbeliefssothatyoucancometoseeyourselfasa

potential,asacapacitytorespond,ratherthanasjustthesameoldstory.Divestingthisinvestment

thatyouhaveinfamiliarlimitedpatterns,youcanbefreetoinvestmoreinthebeliefsandactivities

thatwillbebetterforyou”.Thisisastatementofbelief;thisisourcreed.Thisishowwebelongin

the holy church of CAT. If you’re in the holy church of Gestalt, you say some other dogma, or if

you’re a psychoanalyst you say something different, and a Kleinian and a Freudian will say

something different, if you follow Kohut, you’ll say something different. That is to say, we’re all

sellingsomething.

Returning to thequestion, “Who is speaking towhom?”wemight come to see thatwe areboth

humanbeingswho are quite complicated, and a bit divided against ourselves. We’re not always

clearaboutwhoweareorwhatwe’reupto,andyetwehavetoactwithadegreeofauthority.If

youhavechildren,youhavetobeclearwiththem;youhavetosay,

—“Uhu,no,wedon’tdothis.”—“Ah,butwhenIwenttoJohnny’shouse,they….”—“If you like Johnny’s house so much, please go! You have 10 minutes to empty yourbedroom,andyourpocketmoney’sstopped!Inthishousewedoitthisway.”—“Why?”—“Because.”—“Why?”—“Because,intheend,Isayso.”

Italwayscomesdowntorawpowerandthat’sveryimportanttoknow,becausethere’snoendto

theconversationaboutwhy.Whatisthebasisfortheauthorityofthetherapist?Ifyouareafallen

person,howcanyouactasifyouarenot?

How do we find the courage to speak with some clarity, while knowing that we ourselves are

confused? Howcanyoumaketransference interpretationswhenyou’reawarethattheverybasis

out of which interpretation is made, is mixed up with, or contaminated by, countertransference

feelings?That’sverydifficult,andyetyouhavetospeakwithadegreeofconfidence. Theparent

hastogivethechildasenseofasimplicitywhichdoesn’treallyexist,andwe’redoingthesamewith


thepatient. To imaginethateachsessionisaconversationbetweenequals istobedeludedasto

the impactof thestructuraldifferences inpower.Theparent‐child imagemaybeunsettlingbut it

speaksofourfirstexperienceofhavinglesspowerthananother—andoftheseductiveurgetogain

powersothatwecanavoidbeingtheunderdog.

So how can we have a sense of clarity when we speak? The key thing is to open up as many

pathwaysaspossibleforkeepinganeyeonthemany,manyfactorsthatarearisingatanyonetime.

Therearefactorsinthebody,varioussensationsofproprioception.Forexample,whenyouhavea

cold, you are not fully yourself, you lose something of yourself. Having a small sickness is very

helpfulfortherapists.Ithelpsyoutoseethatthebasisofyourclarityisconnectedtothebody,that

theclarityofthemindisnotfreefloating. It’sactuallydeeplyembodied,becauseifyougetabad

cold,ifyougettheflu,you’llfindthinkingverydifficult.Whatishappening?Clearly,theenergyof

thebodyissinkingbackdownandthereisaconcernwiththemaintenanceofthebodysystem.Our

senseofbeingsafeornotsafe inafear inducingsituation isrooted inaveryprimitivepartofour

brain.

Whatdoeshavingasenseofbeingembodiedmean? Insomewayembodiment isaverydualistic

notion,forifyouputsomewinefromabarrelintoabottleyoucouldsaythatitis‘embottled’.The

wineandthebottlearetogetherbuttheyarenotatallthesame.Ifourmindoroursenseofselfis

embodieddoes thatmean it’s inside thebody likeamysteriouscontent? Did thathappenat the

momentofconception,didithappenslightlyafter?Thisbody/minddualityisnotaveryhelpfulway

tothinkofouractualsituation.Ratherthebodyisanaspectofourbeing,anaspectwhichreveals

itselfaccordingtohowweattendtoit.Whenyousitintheroomwithsomeone,areyouabletobe

present with what is happening in your body? Is it meaningful? Could it be seen as a somatic

countertransference,with the sensation inourbody telling is somethingaboutwhat ishappening

for/astheotherperson?Isthattrue?Ofcoursethepresenceofanotherpersonwillhaveanimpact

onus—but the interpretationof the impact ismadebyourmindaccording toourown framesof

reference.

Wealso attend toour voice: howarewe speaking? Whyarewe speaking in thisway?Doesour

voice change? Do you experience some degree of retroflection,whereby youmightwant to say

somethingbutfindyourself inhibitedandsilenced?Whomareyouprotecting?Is itoutoffearof

kicking a hornet’s nest, that you imagine you are going to get a very negative reaction from the

person,orisitaveryskilfulthingtodo?There’snopointtoprovokethepatientiftheyarelikelyto


react from theirhabitualpositionof feelingattacked. That is likely toknockout their capacity to

reflectandfurtherstrengthentheirbeliefs.

Wealsohavetoattendtoourmindandhowwethinkaboutthings. Aswebecomeawareofthe

contentofourmind,howshouldweattendtoit?Inbrief,focusedtherapywedon’thaveverylong

to work out what is important. We have a task to attend to and we’re looking at the patient,

maintaining some degree of eye contact. In those circumstances can you have a free floating

attention? Freud’s development of a technique using that sort of attention was based on not

lookingat thepatientasaconsciousagentbutratheropeningtothe flowofwhat issaidandnot

said.Theanalystsitsatthesideofthepatientwhoislyingonacouch.Theanalystfromthevery

beginningestablishesthattheyarenotaccountabletothepatientandthatanalysisisnotavariation

ofanordinaryconversation. There’sagreatfreedominthat,isn’tthere?Becausewhenyouare

working interpersonallywithapatient there’sa kindofobligation tobewith themas theyare to

themselves. Then the therapist and patient are in a feedback loop involvingmutual adjustment.

Theface‐to‐faceencounterbringsaboutaparticularlevelofengagement.Wemeetonthelevelof

theouter skinof theperson,which can feelunderattackby themanifestingof the self‐stateson

bothsides. Someoftheseself‐statesareconscious.Forexample,Ithinkyoucandeveloptheself‐

stateofaCATtherapist,thatistosay,somebodywhoislookingforcertainphenomena,andwhois

goingtoorganizethesephenomenaincertaincategories.Wecansobelieveinthevalueofwhatwe

arelookingforthatthenameofthephenomenaandthephenomenathemselvesappeartobeborn

together.Thisofcourseisanillusion,butit’sanillusionwetendtositinside.

So, in CAT, we learn our specialist technical vocabulary, for example, reciprocal roles. The

phenomenathataredescribedintermsofreciprocalrolescouldbedescribedinmanyotherways.

Actuallytherearenoreciprocalroles,therearenoself‐states,there isnotransference. Theseare

the confectionaries of the mind. These are constructs which operate to help other constructs.

Constructs speak to constructs, words speak to words, thoughts speak to thoughts. Language

doesn’tspeaktotheworld,becausewehavenoaccesstoourworldexceptthroughlanguage.Ifyou

relaxyour immersion in languageandattendtowhat isoccurring,youwill findthat it isnotwhat

you thought it was. If you take psychedelic mushrooms or LSD, and through this have a direct

relationshipwiththeworld,whenyoucomebackfromyourmarvellousjourney,you’vegotnothing

tosay:

—“Howwasit?”

—“Amazing!”

—“Thankyouverymuch,thatexplainsalotaboutthemeaningoflife!”


Thisworld,theonewelive ineveryday, ismediatedby language.Weconstructourworldthrough

language‐basedcognitions.Sowhenwearespeakingtopeople,essentiallywhatwearetryingtodo

istofindtheinterfacebetweenourvariouspatternsoflanguageuse.Intherapywe’retryingtofree

peoplefromtheirmisuseoflanguage,fromtheirexcessivereificationandoverinvestment.Ourjob

istoreducethevalueofthenoun,sothatthevalueoftheverb,theadverbandtheadjectivecan

increase,thuscreatingamoredynamicsenseofpossibilities.

Whenweencounterstatementssuchas“I’munloveable.Mymotherneverlovedme.Nothinghas

everworkedoutinmylife,”thereisthesenseofsomethingverysolid.Thereisarealpersonthere,

apersonwhocanbeknowncompletely,whocanbe summedup, and through that summingup,

definedinawaythatrendersnochangepossible.Thisisnotuncommoninthefirstexpressionsof

ourpatients.Bytheendofthetherapy,wearehopingthattheywillhaveamuchmorefluidsense

ofwhat itmeans to be alive and how to proceed. In order to bring this aboutwe are trying to

introduce them to the dynamics of existence, which is why we ask them to keep diaries of

experiences.Thusifsomebodysays,“Iamdepressed”,weaskthemtokeepadiaryofthemoments

when they are aware of depression. Then, hopefully, they come to see that the experience of

depression varies according to causes and circumstances, and in fact is a range of evoked

experiencesratherthanafixedentity.Theseexperiencesarenotevokedoutofaninneressenceof

depression. When these transient states are evoked it’s as if something arises out of nothing.

Perhapsyoubelievethatwereallyhavetheseself‐states insideus, thattheyreallyhavethesame

sort of status as we would think of the lungs and the stomach and the bowels. Are they the

constituentsofourselves?

Tony Ryle,who started CAT, talked of individuals being constituted out of their experienceswith

others;thisconstitutiontakingtheformofself‐states,voices,andprocedures.Thatissomethingfor

ustoreflecton,becauseIwouldsuggesttoyouthatagreatdealofresistanceinthetherapistand

alsointhepatient,arisesfromthewayweconceptualiseouridentityandourexperience.Ifyousee

yoursituationasadone‐deal,somethingyouare inuredto,somethingthathasbeengoingonfor

suchalongtimethatithasbecomepartandparcelofhowyouare,thiswillfeedintoasenseofthe

inalienabilityofthesephenomena.

However,whatwearetryingtodoistoalienatepeoplefromtheirneurosissothattheywillnotbe

alienated from themselves. In order to do that, we have to believe that the investment in the

neurosiscanbetakenback,thattheinvestmentisnotsubstantialandfixed,butisinfact,asitwere,

volitional and energetic. It may be unconsciously volitional. That is to say, if you have a really


terrible childhood and a lot of trauma, the tightening up that happens in the entire body‐mind

systemleadstopoorcommunicationinthebrainwithalossofthecapacityforplanningandreview,

andaparallel difficulty in controlling impulsivity. Under those circumstances, thepersonmay try

againandagaintochangetheirwaysofthinkingandbehavingbuttonoavailbecauseofthelackof

clarityintowhatisgoingon.Thisleadstoalackofpurchaseontheactualsiteoftheproblemsothat

most of the effort expended on trying to change, leads nowhere.Many very good hearted, very

honest and ethical people have had terrible lives, and though they try to change the disturbing

situationsthattheyfindthemselvesdrawnintoagainandagain,theyareunsuccessfulandthefailed

effortleadstodepressionandself‐abandonment.

Two new elements are required if the effort to change is going to be successful. The first is

nourishment,someresourcingof thecapacityof theobservingself tomakesenseofwhat’sgoing

on.InCATwesupportthisthroughthereformulationletterandthediagramweco‐create;weare

jointlydevelopingtoolsforthinking.Thesecondfactorisabridgingouttotheworld.Wesay,“Let

meintroduceyoutotheactualworldyoulivein,”andthisprovidesawindowonto,andthenadoor

outof,theencapsulateddomainofhabitualassumption.Ourneuroticenclosureputsuspreciselyin

thepositionof the inhabitantsofPlato’scave. Theself‐stateshavenodirectaccess to theworld;

they only connect as reciprocal roles, whereas the constellated complementary position they

identifywithelicitsitscorrespondingpolarityfromtheenvironment.Theyactasiftheyareseeing

theactualsituationbutaremerelycueing inthere‐runofset‐piece interactions. Inthatstatewe

areinsidethecaveseeingtheseflickeringreflectionsonthewallandweinterpretthemasbeingthe

actualreality.Theobservingselfcanatleastputitsheadroundthecornerandhaveapeepoutside.

We’retryingtosendfoodintotheisolatedself‐stateandenablelinkingtotheoutside,forifthereis

poorinternalandexternalcommunication,therewillbelittlescopeforexploringnewpossibilities.

Inparticularwehavetolearntotrustthatwhatthereiswillbegoodenough,thatwecanlearnto

work with our actual situation however it is. This is the actual basis of collaborative living, on

conviviality.

In a family, it is often the mother who serves up the food and the children have to trust that

everyonewillgetthesame.Usuallysiblingswill takesomeyearstounderstandthatthatmightbe

thecase,andthattherelationshipbetweentheknifeinthemother’shand,theeyeinthemother’s

head,the love inthemother’sheartandthecake infrontofthemother isquitereliableandthat

youcantrustthattheslicesofcakewillallbejustaboutthesamesize.That’sveryimportantisn’tit,


because once you start to trust, you relax the hyper‐vigilancewhich operates as an isolated self‐

state.

But it’sahellofa journeyformanyofourpatientstobegintotrust, tobelievethatsomeoneout

therewill be consistent and reliable. The reliability of the therapist rests in their open presence

towards the other and it reveals itself through a clarity of intention. In CAT this is supported by

consistent attention to the target problem—theagreed focusof thework—whichmeans thatwe

know what we should be reliable in helping the patient with. The patient also has a clearly

demarcatedareaofattentionwhichprovidesasenseofdirectionandawayofnotgettinglostinthe

on‐goingturmoilofevents.Withbothpartiesattendingtothesameterritoryagainandagain,there

is a senseofbuildingupmore clarity, andmorepossibilityofpredictingdifficult situationsbefore

theyoccur. Thatopensthewayto identifyingandrehearsingnewwaysofactingandresponding.

Thetargetproblemhasadefinitefunction.It’snotafalseimposition;it’salmostlikeametronome,

justkeepingasteadybeatthroughwhichyoucanseethevarioussidemovementsofyourhabitual

tendenciesandgraduallysuccumbtothemlessandless.

Arethereanythoughtsaboutthat?

Question:Isn’tthetargetproblemlikeanagenda?

It is a sharedagendaonewhichneeds tobeexplicit andagreed from thebeginning.Bothparties

have to agree that this is a problem worth focussing the therapy on and, moreover that it is a

problemthatcanberesolved.Weshouldn’tbedecidingonthetargetproblemandthentryingto

sellittothepatient.Rather,itisaquestionofhowshallweusethistimetothegreatestadvantage

intermsofyouractuallifesituation.

Thepatientmightsay,“Well,Idon’tknow.You’retheprofessional,youtellme”andwemightreply,

“Well,whatailsyou?Whatbringsyouhere?Canyousaywhathasbroughtyou into this realmof

woe, to this dreary consulting room, in the sadness of an NHS clinic?” Clearly that’s a basis for

proceeding,isn’tit?Becauseyouwouldn’tcomeinhereforafuntime!Somethingmustbewrong,

so how canwe think aboutwhat’swrong in away that doesn’t tend towards objectification and

essentialisation,butrathertowardsasenseofcausesandconditions,historicaldevelopment? It is

awarenessofourmovementintime,astime,thatoffersthelivedexperienceoftheamenabilityof

ourdeeplyembeddedpatternstotransformationsandnewbeginnings.

The focusof the therapyshouldbea siteofhope. If there’snohope,youhavea realproblem. If

there’snohopeinthetherapy,ifthepatienthasnohope,youreallyhaveaproblem.Ifthetarget


problemremainsabstractforthepatient,iftheydon’tgetitanditdoesn’tgetthem,thentherewill

benoclarityandstaminaof intentionandattention. Weneedtoworkonthetargetproblem,for

thatworkwill bring dignity; itwill bring clarity. Focused attention to the dynamic experience of

being with others makes the world comprehensible because you’re actually starting to attune

energeticallytotheworld.It’snotjustanempathicattunement;it’sanenergeticattunement.We

havepatientswhogotobedat4o’clockinthemorninganddon’twakeupuntilnoon.Unlessyou

workintheundergroundorsomethingsimilar,whywouldyoubedoingthat?Whatisthefunction

of being so out of rhythmwith theworld? It is to be apart in away that leads to isolation and

dissolution.Focusingonatargetproblem,forexample,‘Idon’tknowhowtobemyselfwithothers’

links us to exploring ourselves and our actual lived world. It involves stepping out of our self‐

enclosedfantasiesandtheirceaselesseditingofthefieldofexperience.Thiscanrevealanewsense

ofagency.

The agency of individual self‐states is, in a sense, mad because it’s cut off from the actual lived

environment. Healthy,affirmativeagencycomeswiththeobservingself. The focusonthetarget

problemcanhelptobringthisshiftfromourover‐relianceonaninternal,historicallyderivedmapto

a real‐time attention to the unfolding field of experience. Whenwe are in the actualworld, the

worldofactivity,therearemanyopportunitiestoconnectwithothers.Butwhenwearetrappedin

privateworldswe’reoutofkilterwiththeworld.Ifyou’remissingtherhythmoftheworld,youmiss

thebus–ifyoumissthebus,youhavetowalk.Somanyofourpatientsareverylonely,theywalka

very,verylonelypath.Betweentheirsessionthisweekandtheircomingtoseemenextweek,many

ofmypatientshavenotsharedtwosentenceswithanyone.Theydon’tspeaktoanyoneatall.That

isunbelievable,tobesoprofoundlylonelyandalienated.Ithinkthat’sahellishstate,forinitthey

havenobasisforlinkingouttobewithsomeoneelse,andtheydon’thaveanarrativewhichanother

human being is likely to see as having any value. Helping people back into attunement—into

presencewithintheexperientialfieldasituniquelyrevealsitselftoeachperson—thisistheheartof

thework.

TheImpactofMindfulnessonOurSubjectivity

Clearly,rational,reflectivethoughtcanbeausefulwayofkeepinganeyeonwhat’sgoingon,butit

can also be knocked out fairly easily because it tends to be reliant on a chain of signifiers ‐ one

thought follows another follows another, so you have to be able to think sequentially, andmany

emotional statesmake thatdifficult.Oneotherpossibilitywouldbe todevelopmore capacity for

mindfulness.Mindfulnessisessentiallyastateofrecollection.Thatistosayabringingtogether,a


recollecting,of thedistractedanddispersedpartsofoneself. Youbecomeallofapiece. Allofa

piece doesn’t mean much of a muchness, because you still have differentiation between the

differentaspectsofyourself,butthereismorecommunicationbetweenthem.

Thebasicprincipleofmindfulnessistobringtogetherintentionandattention.Ifyoudon’thavea

clearintention,ifthewillisnotcathectedtothetask,itwillbedifficulttohavesuccessinanything.

Thesameprincipleapplies tochange inpsychotherapy; if thepatientdoesn’twant tochange, it’s

notlikelytohappen. Whatis ‘wantingtochange’?It’saformofdesire,butit’saparticulardesire

isn’tit?It’sthedesirethathasaspecialkindofglueattachedtoit.It’sthedesirethatwilleasilylock

ontomobilization.Wealsoknowdesireswhichdon’thavethatglue,wecallthemdaydreams...“I’d

like to do that”… “Oneday I think I’ll do that”…That’s not fixing on to anything, is it? It’s just a

passing thought. Veryoftenour patients talk in thatway– theywould like things to changebut

lackingclarityofintention,method,andcapacity,itdoesn’thappen.

To develop these factors of effective change doesn’t mean that we have to install an artificial

construct. Rathertheycome intobeingthroughthework, justas ifyou takeapieceofdullbrass

andpolishit,itwillstarttoshine.Thepotentialoftheshininessisinthebrass,becauseifyouwere

topolishsomematerialwhichlackedthatpotential,theshinewouldn’thappen.Allbeingshavethe

potentialforchange.Inordertoactivateittwoaspectsofourexistencehavetobeawakenedto:the

currentactualformofourlife,ourphysical,verbalandmentalbehaviour,andtherootexperienceof

ouridentity,whetherwetakeourselvestobeclosedanddefinedoropenandunfolding.

Intentionmeansagency,whichmeansthecapacitytoimposeoneselfontotheworldtomakethings

happen. That is to say it’s concerned with pattern formation: ‘I will do this particular task, and

becauseIdothis,implicitly,Iwillnotbedoingthemany,manyotheroptionsthatareavailable.All

theseotherthingsthatIcouldbedoing,Iwillnotbedoing.’Thisisaveryessentialunderstanding.

It’swhymanyofthethinkerswhohavebeenconcernedwiththeissueofwill,havealsowrittenalot

aboutviolence,becausethewillistheforceofdeath.Lifeanddeathgotogether.Ifyousay‘Yes’to

something,youareautomaticallysaying‘No’tootherthings.Givinglifetooneoptionmeansdeath

ornon‐lifetotheotherswhicharenotchosen.Ifyouareafarmer,assoonasyouputyourplough

in the land to grow the corn to feed your family, you commit yourself to killing. There aremany

worms andmany insects that are going to be crushed andmangled. Youwill do that. That’s the

natureoflife.Youcan’tcookwithoutalteringtheshapesofnature.Youtakeanaubergineandyou

chopitup.Youdounspeakablethingstothataubergine!Ifthatauberginewasalittlebabyandthe

mamaauberginewassaying


—“Oh,mydear,you’resobeautiful”—“Mama,whatwillhappentomewhenIgrowup?”—“Oh,you’llbecomebigandroundandshinyandyou’llhavethemostbeautifulcolour!”

Shedoesn’tsay…….!It’slikethat.

Oneofthemostdifficultthingsformanyofourpatientsistoknowwhattogivelifetoandwhatto

kill off. Actually,wedo this all the time. To live is to act, to choose, todecide– even ifwe are

deciding to letothersact forus. Actionshaveconsequences thatweandotherswill have to live

with.Thereisalwaysalotatstakewhenwearealive.Changingbehaviourmeans,firstly,changing

howwethinkaboutourhabitualtendencies.Ifwehaveatendencytobelazyandinourmindthat

wayoflivingmeans‘takingiteasy’,‘beingkindtomyself’,‘enjoyinglife’,thenthisviewofhowwe

arelivingislikelytomaintainthatpattern.Ifwereframethatbehaviourbynamingit‘laziness’we

seeitassomethingnegativeandthenthereisanimmediateconflictbetweenwhatwedoandhow

wethinkabout it. Thisconflict is thebasis forchangeaswegraduallypullmoreofour intention,

mobilisation,andenergyovertothesideofthenewdefinition.Cleavingtoit,wecannolongerbe

comfortablewithourhabitual style. Yetof course,wehave to rememberournewdefinitionand

applyitotherwisethemomentumofthelong‐establishedhabitwillcarryusalongthefamiliarpath.

Beingmindfulofwhatweareupto,ofhowweoperate,ofthephenomenologyofourexistence,is

vitalifwearetoleavethemapsandbeliefsinourheadandfullybecomeourbeingintheworldwith

others.Inotherwords,thedecisionaboutwhetheranactivityis‘good’or‘bad’dependsonhowwe

inhabittheworld,andonwhetherweareconcernedforthewellbeingofselfandotherornot.

Therecanbenofixedanswertothequestion‘HowshouldIlive?’Whensuchanswersareproposed

they are amodeof violence, a disturbing imposition that further covers the immediacyof life. In

fact,wearealreadyalive,inlife,withalife–thequestioniscanwebeartoseeitand,onthebasis

of that clarity, canwemobilise the resources todevelopandmaintain its inter‐facewithanever‐

changingworld? Fixed patterns of action and re‐action, such as the reciprocal roles described in

CAT,arethescleroticstabilisersthatcansoeasilyroblifeofitsoftensurprisingfreshness.

Justasadriverhastoreadtheroadasitrevealsitself,sowehavetoreadourlifeasitunfolds–this

requiresoptimalattentiontowhatisoccurringwithminimalprojection,assumption,privilegingand

denial.Inordertodothiswehavetocommitourselvestobeingavailable,beinghospitabletoour

lifeasitpresentsitself.Thisopenpresenceissupportedbythepracticeofattendingtomoresimple

phenomenasuchastheflowofthebreathorthesensationofwalking.Attendingmindfullytowhat

isthereallowstheexperienceofourselvesasaclaritywithnointrinsiccontent.Inthisliesfreedom

fromtakinghabitualpatternstobeone’strueidentity.


In the beginning this requires discipline, the capacity to maintain one’s decision in the face of

externalandinternaltriggerstodosomethingelse.Ihavetodecide,‘IwilldothisandIwillnotdo

anythingelsewhileIamdoingthis.ThroughthisIamgoingtostopthepromiscuityofmymind.In

adheringtothistherestisnowirrelevant.’Thereisatremendousfreedomwhenwerealisethatwe

don’thavetosuccumbtowhateverisarisinginourmind.

Hereweare just sitting together. So just sitasyouare. All kindsofexperiencesarise. Sincewe

cameintothisroomtogetherwe’vehadmanydifferentthoughts,feelings,sensations.Howmanyof

these were intentional? To be a conscious agent is actually rather rare. Most often we are

swimming inanoceanofhappenstance,asouterand innerevents triggereachother. Across this

vivid complexitywe run our organising narratives,weaving new events and familiarmotifs into a

storylinethatcontinuesoursenseofwhoweare.Inordertodevelopmindfulnesswehavetosee

themovementofnarrativeformationratherthanjustbeingsuckedintoit.Thatis,wehavetolearn

toobserve the flowof the contentofourmind. To see the ceaselessdynamic flow is toawaken

fromtheillusionthatweareconstitutedoutoffixedcomponents,ingredients,qualities.Theflowof

experience is something we can be present to and participate in – but actually it is beyond

appropriation.Wearenotmadeupofentitiesandneitherareweanentity.

Inordertofindclaritywehavetobalanceonthecuspofinside/outside,self/other,past/future,and

alltheotherbinaryoppositions.Thisinvolvesfindingthewaytorestintheplacethatisnowhere,as

apureawareness.Thentherandomnessoflifebecomesworkableaswearenotsoinvestedinthe

maintenanceof fixed, familiarpatterns. However, ifweawakentothedynamiccomplexityofthe

field,thegivennessofexperience,whilestillholdingtoasenseofourselvesasanagentwhoneeds

tobeinchargeinordertobesafe,thenwearelikelytofindlifeterrifyinglyoutofcontrol.Secure

attachment,paradoxically,meanstherelaxedcapacitytokeepsurfingonthewavesofexperience.

Alltheothermodesofattachmenthaveusgraspingatsomething,evenif it isonlyanimpulse. In

thepinballgameofborderlinefragmentation,peoplericochetfromonebumpertoanother.Alotis

goingon,butwithnorealprogression. Installingmoresenseofboundariescanhelpbutimposing

boundaries requires power, both will‐power and effective power in the world as a social agent.

These are capacities that seem rarely to develop when childhood has been an experience of

repeatedabandonmentandinvasion.

However,wecanallmakeefforttobecomemoremindful.Asapracticetoaidthisithelpsifwecan

calmandsteadyourownmind. Todothiswecandecidetositstillfortenminutesandfocusour

attentiononthemovementofthebreathgoinginandoutofournostrils. Thetaskisverysimple,


yetwefindourmindwanderinghitherandthither,andwehavetobringitbackagainandagainto

thefocus.Ifwedidn’thavethesimplicityofthetarget,wewouldn’tknowthatweweregettinglost.

Weoftenthinkwearenotlostwhenweare,forwearehighlyreactiveandeasilygetledastrayby

passing thoughts. This is similar to the issueof the targetproblem: to firstofall identifya target

problem,secondlytoinvestitwithenoughimportancetothinkit’sreallyworthprivilegingoverthe

other possibilities, and thirdly to enforce this new status that you have decided on by reminding

yourself of its value. We have to believe that the focus, whether it’s the breath or the target

problem,isbiggerandmorevaluablethanmydesiretogohere,togothere,tobeinterestedinall

thatisgoingon.

Thisisaverydifferentattitudefromthatprevalentinourmodernwayoflife.Tobeinterested,tobe

fascinated, to be stimulated, that’s what people are encouraged to want. We havemulti‐media

everywheregivingusaconstantflowofstimulation,encouragingustotradeexcitementforstability

andcontinuityoffocus.Ifwearetoresistthispull,ourwillastheenergy,andourintentionasthe

clarifyingfocus,bothneedthesupportofattentionwhichisthewillingnesstoattendandtobring

oneselfbackwhenonestrays.

‘Totend’meansbothtocareforbutalso,asinatendency,tomovetowards.Itisusuallybetterif

ourmovementhassomekindofcareinvolvedinit.Theword‘therapy’derivesfromaGreekword

used todescribe theattendantsat thehealing templesofAsklepios. Towaiton theother, tobe

attentivetothemisattheheartofhealing,ofhelpingtomakewhole.Inordertodothat,Ihaveto

commitmyselftothewillingintentiontoattendtowhathappens.Weneedtobeclearwhetherwe

are focusing on a precise object such as the breath, or a target problem, or on an unfolding

experiencesuchasbeinginaconversationwithsomeone.

Intheformercaseweresistallothertemptationsandhomeinonourchosenfocus.Ifwefindwe

arewanderingoffit,assoonaswenoticethis,weneedtogentlybringourselvesbacktothatfocus

without blaming ourselves or being curious aboutwherewewent orwhy. In the latter case the

focusofmindfulnessisthepulsationoftheconversation,theto‐ingandfro‐ing,withtheintention

beingtosupporttheflowofthemutualengagement.Mindfulnesshereishelpingthespontaneous

fine‐tuningofresponsivitythatariseswhenoneisnottalkingtooratanother,buttalkingandbeing

withthem.Theinteractionorco‐emergenceoftheundividedfieldisrevealedwhenweloosenour

fixationonwhatwewanttosay,onwhatishappeningtoandforme,andstayopenatthepointof

interaction,whichisalsotheexpanseofthefield.Thatis,whenweopentotheotherwearearising


aspartoftheintegratedfield.Learningtotrustthatopenness,removestheburdenofourhabitual

andlimitingsensethat‘It’salluptome’.

Question:Attention,whatisit?

Sayyouhaveanessaytowriteforyourcourseandyouthink,‘OkayI’lldoitthisweekend’.Sonow

youhaveanintentionandyouhavetokeepyourattentionclosetothat,butotherfactorsarelikely

toimpinge.Youhavetoresisttheenticementsofsomebodysaying,“Whydon’tyoucomeoutwith

us.We’regoingtodothisandwe’regoingtodothat.” Oncetheactualworkoftheessaybegins,

youmightfindthattheinitialenthusiasmgiveswaytoakindofplateau;there’salossofexcitement

because actually, thework is not as exciting as the idea of doing it. Unless you can get into the

staminamode,themarathonmodewhereyouthink‘I’mjustgoingtodoit’,youlosethefirstwind

andthenyou’reforcingyourself.That’swheredistractionoftenoccurs.That’swhatwe’retryingto

helpourpatientswith. Borderlinepatientsare sprinters; theyhavehigh intensity,butoftenwith

verylittlereflection,andtheirimpulsiveactivitygoesallovertheplace.

Thereisnofundamentaldifferencebetweenusandourpatients,weareallpronetodistractionand

impulse.Mindfulnessisalifepractice,itdoesn’tcometoanendwhenwereachagoal,ratheritisa

wayoflifethatiswholesome.Ifwe,duetothecausesandconditionsofourpast,arefortunateto

haveabitmoreclarity,thenitbehovesustohelpothersenterintothesamepathofawakening.In

thiswayweallstarttoexperiencetheinseparabilityofwisdomandcompassion.

ThefocusofCATisverydifferent.Herewearehelpingthepatienttoholdthetargetproblemover

theweeksandmonths,comingbacktoitagainandagain,evenwhenitlosesitssavour.Thatlossof

savourisaverycommonexperience.Forexample,inthemonasticlifeitwascalledaccidie1whichis

a kindof spiritual boredomandapathy, a lossof faith andpurposewhere you think, ‘What’s the

pointofallthis?’Learningisamarathon,butevenmarathonisthewrongsortofnotionbecausea

marathonhasanendtoit.

Mindfulness,withitsimplicitrespectfortheintrinsicvalueofbeingalive,isanorientation,awayof

life.Mindfulnessisapracticeforestablishingourselvesinthegroundofourexistence.Thepractice

isn’t somethingwe add on top of howwe are, but it’s a return, a re‐sourcing, going back to the

sourceofourbeing,outofwhichallourbecomingunfolds.Anintentionalattendingtolifebringsa

balancedmobilizationofenergythatistrulyfulfilling,fulfillingintermsofsatisfaction.Satisfactionis

differentfromourmodernobsessionswithexcitementandfun. It’snotexcitingorfuntopractice

1Or,acedia


beingmindfuleveryday;itmightbeinteresting,anditmightbesatisfying,butit’sunlikelytokeep

givingyouabuzz.Abuzztendstocomefromnewness.Weliveinacultureofnewnessaspartof

themodernistprojectthatseekstocutusfreeofthepast. Thecontinuityoftraditionisseenasa

kindofcorsetorenclosurethatcrampsourstyle.That’saverydifferentreadingofthepotentialof

existence fromsaying that, inorder to findmyself, Iwant topartakeof thebalanced,established

rhythmsofatraditionthatfocusesontheinfinitepresent.

InabrieftherapylikeCATwemightbeprovidingabriefimmersioninafieldofpossibility.Butifitis

not internalised andmetabolised then it’s essentially a holiday from the barrenness of their life.

Hopefullyourpatients fill themselvesupwithsomeofourwarmthandconcern,but then,aftera

while,itleaksoutofthembecausetheworldtheyliveinissobleakandtheirhabitsandtendencies

aresodeeplyengrained. However, Ibelievethat ifwedeepenourownpracticeofbeingmindful,

thatopen spaciouspresence,will strengthen the therapeutic alliance and facilitate a looseningof

theirlimitedandlimitingsenseofidentity.

Sointhefirstinstance,whatwehavetodoastherapistsistomodelthesequalitiesourselves.My

intentioninbeingintheroomwiththepatientistogivethemmyfullattention.ThatistosayI’m

privilegingaphenomenological turnoverananalytic turn. I’mnot focussedprimarilyonmyown

countertransference response, but only in as much as it manifests as part of the wider

phenomenological field. If I go off looking for it and speculating about it, I will have entered a

conceptualworld thatwill takemeoutof theco‐emergentmomentofbeingwith theother. We

alsomobilizeourwill,ourdecisionandouractualisationthatwearefortheother.

Sowhatismyethicalresponsibilitytotheotherandwhatismyownethicalentitlement?WhatcanI

saytotheotherperson?WhatcanIcommenton?CanIsaytosomeone“Lookstomelikeyou’re

going tohell inahandcart”? Is thatan insulting remark tomake tosomeoneor somethinguseful

that can shock them into amore truthful senseofwhat they are up to? “It seems tome you’ve

fuckedyourlifeupcompletely,whatdoyouthink?” Isthathelpfulornothelpful?Itwoulddepend

onthecircumstances.Somepeoplemightneedaslap,whilesomewillneedacaress.Who’sgoing

todecide?

If we scare ourselves by thinking that someone will make a complaint, we will never have the

couragetohonestlyengagewiththeother.Howcanwehavethecouragetobe,thecouragetolive,

thecouragetobefortheother? Life is importantandit’s fleeting. Moreover, it istrulyawfulfor

manypeople.So,canwespeakfromthebelly?Well,isthebellylinkedwiththeheart,istheheart

linkedwith thehead, is thehead linkedwith thevoice? Because ifwhatwesay isan integrated,


balancedexpressionof all theaspectsofourselves in free communication, and if that ‘self’ isnot

heldapartfromtheother,thenthatismaybeasreliableabasisforethicalcommunicationaswecan

find.Mindfulnesspracticeopensustotheprofoundenquiry:‘HowcanIbeaspresentaspossiblein

the integrationofmybeing inorder tobe as fullywith theother and for theother, so that I am

turnedtowardstheother,intheserviceoftheother,knowingthatthisisfullofdifficulties.’

TotakethisupasalifepracticemeanstoobservewhyIbecometired,whataretheconstructionsin

myownbeingthatcausethe lossof intention,attentionand,very importantly, love. Whydon’t I

lovesomeofmypatients? Ifwetakelovetomeananopennesstotheother,an infiniteconcern,

“Mayallbeingsbehappy”,thenloveisaforgetfulnessofself.Loveistobefortheother,itmeans

their happiness, their fulfilment, their satisfaction ismy concern. That gives a particular kind of

agendaororientation,anon‐violentsensitivitygeneratingasenseofhowtospeaktosomeoneina

waythatcanhelpthemcomebacktothemselves.Werequiretheopennessoftheobservingselfin

order to be able to let this happen. If we collapse into our self‐states we will not have the

wherewithal, the panoramic vision, to be really available for the other. So when you think of

ruptures in the therapeutic alliance, when you think of misunderstandings, when you remember

sitting in the roomwith someoneand thinking, “I haveno ideawhat to say,” or thinking “I don’t

wanttobehere.Whycan’ttheybedifferent?”whatishappeningisveryinteresting.Youcouldgo

intothinkingaboutthedetailsofthesessionanddeveloparangeofpotentialinterpretations,oryou

couldrecognisethatyou’velostyourfocus.Ifmyintentionalfocusistoberelaxed,open,available,I

have to see that I have vanished into something else. I have lost the groundofmybeing; it has

collapsedintoasmallislandwithinmyself.InthisstateIreallyamnotavailable.

SohowcanIreturnmyselftotheimmediacyofmyownground?Well,thequickwayisthroughthe

breath,throughlooseningupthediaphragm,forthefreemovementofthebreathwillfreeusfrom

encapsulation in self‐states. Essentially it’s about linking out to the other and not vanishing into

yourself.Theselfislikealabyrinth;thereisneveranyendtoitsspeculationsandpathways.From

this point of view, the general target problem for relational therapists is to find the way to be

presentwiththepatientwithoutfallingintotheirworld,tobeavailablewithoutdefendingoneself

against theirworld. Notexcessivelyout,notexcessively in, justbalanced. That’s thekeymethod

andfunctionoftherapy.

Whennotindirestraitspeopleoftencometotherapyinordertofindoutaboutthemselves. The

processusuallyinvolvesendlessstoriesabouttheirchildhoodandtheirmotherandrevisitingevents

againandagain.That’sinteresting,butitcanalsobeawayofbeinglostinnarrative.Narrativeand


phenomenologicalpresencearenotthesamethingatall.Openingyourselftosomeone’snarrative

involves a degree of generosity of oneself.We give ourselves to a story,we suspend disbelief in

ordertobetakenup,takenoverbythestoryandthere’ssomethingblessedinthat,isn’tthere?Itis

similartowatchingaplayorlisteningtomusic…youenteranotherworld.

Thatisverydifferentfromaphenomenologicalattentionwhichdoesn’tgetlost,whichsacrificesthe

excitement or fun or fascination of the narrative, of the storyline and stays open and present

withoutbeinginvolved.Inthatsenseit’slikecontemplationwithoutapredeterminedobject.It’sa

silentprayer,not resting inwords,andwithoutanyparticular focus, simplyopentoopenness. In

spiritualtraditions,byemptyingtheheartandmindcompletely,byhavingnoobject,byhavingno

subject, theonlyobject isGod,whoalsobecomestheonlysubject. Thisbringssatisfactionwhich

createsamoodofwelcome.Itdoesn’tprovidefascinationbecausethisisnothingtofascinatedby.

So innotbeingcaughtup inan internalcontent,thedualityofselfassubjectandobjectbecomes

quiescent,and thenone ismoreavailable for interactionwith theothers.Then the foreclosureof

one’sownhabitualpreoccupationsisdissolvedthroughofferingoneselfintheserviceoftheother.

InabrieftherapylikeCATwe’realsobeingactive,butthisisthebedrock.Iftheopenavailabilityis

present,thentheactivityofmobilisingandshapingcanhaveitsproperstatusasakindofmassage.

We don’t speak ‘The Truth’ or know how other people should be, and therefore our gestures

towardstheotheraredelicateandattuned, likeadelicatemassage.We’re looseningtheirmental

and emotional muscles; we’re helping them to ease out of constraint so that they can start to

explorenewpossibilities.Althoughwedon’thavepreformedagendathatwearetryingtoimpose

on the other, we are on about something, the importance of avoiding rigidity while remaining

presentonthisshimmeringsurfaceoftruecontact,heartfeltcontact. We’recallingtheother into

beingpresentwithus:“Don’tbeonyourowninyourprivateworld,butcomeout,notintomyworld,

butintothefieldofsharedexperiencewhichisever‐changingmovement.”

Themainthingistoobserveyourselfandseehowyougetlost.Themoreyouseeboththatyouget

lost, and how you get lost, then themore you can free yourself from the dichotomy of lost and

found. Lost and found are pulsations of energy, and you can bemindful of both. Being lost is

interesting,beingfoundisalsointeresting.

Regardingmeditation practice, simply sit in away inwhich you feel supported rather than being

slumped.Youcansitonthefloorcross‐leggedifthatiscomfortable,butthekeythingisthatyour

spine shouldbe straightwith theweightof thebodyhangingon the skeleton. The shouldersare

backand released, the tongue restson thehardupperpalate,and the lineof thegaze is running


alongthelengthofthenose.Bringyourattentionontothebreathgoinginandoutatyournostrils;

justobservethebreath,andwheneveryouwanderoff,verygentlybringyourattentionback. We

havetodecide,‘Iwillfocusonmybreathasbeingmoreinterestingthananythingelse.’Thebreath

isnotintheleastinteresting.Sowearechoosingtoattendtosomethingwhichisnotinterestingas

opposedtoallthatwefleetinglyfindinteresting.Thismeditationtechniqueislinkedwithmonastic

culture.Monasticlifeisfullofboredom,forexamplescrubbingthefloorsagainandagainandagain.

Whyisthisdone?Because,theyshouldbescrubbed.Duty,obligationandconformityopenastate

ofmindlessness,whichparadoxicallyisagreatsupportformindfulness.Wedothepracticebecause

ithas tobedone–notacrushedconformitybutanembracingof thesimplicityandclaritywhich

appearsasdistractiondeclines. Boredomusually leadstoadesire for theantidoteofexcitement,

and in flipping from one state to the other, the neutral mid‐area of attention to the small, the

contentmentoftheordinary,ispassedby.

Astherapists,weareacting‘asif’,asifweknowwhatwearedoing,asifwecanhelp,asifweare

trulyentitledtobesittinginthetherapistschair.Thatas‐ifnessbringsaparticularkindofclarity,but

wealsohavetoknowit’snotthewholestory. It’spartoftheongoingwork,daybyday,togetto

knowourselves, to findout howwe fragment, howwe losebits of ourselves, howwe forget our

deepestintention,howwebetrayourselves,howwebetrayotherpeople.Throughthiswepractice

recollecting ourselves, being mindful, bringing everything to mind, allowing everything as it is,

withoutselectingorrejecting.

Ifweliveinthatwaywemightfindthekindofhard‐earnedhumbledignitythatallowsustoofferit

to others as a path. It is not as a magical solution. We can’t bring people into a state of full

integration; it’s going to be an ongoing practice of integrating in which we’re managing the

polarities.Forexample,happyandsadareborntogether;happyhasnorealmeaningwithoutsad.

Inthatsensetheyaremutuallydefinedandsoareoneworld.Iftheyareoneworld,whatwehave

actuallyisthepulsationofvisible/invisible.WhenIamhappy,sadisinitscorner,andwhenI’msad,

happyisinitscorner.Sadnessdoesn’treallygoaway,happinessdoesn’treallygoaway.

Ifwerecognisethatthesepulsationsareanintrinsicpartofouridentitythenwehavetoacceptthat

sometimeswearegoingtobemoreclearandsometimeswearegoingtobelessclear. Doesthat

meanwe shouldnot seeourpatientswhenwearenot feeling clear? Well itwoulddependhow

unclearwebecame,butgenerallyspeakingsomesessionswillgowellandsomewon’tgowell.The

ideathatwe’reinsomekindofonwardsandupwardsmovementtowardsmasteryandperfectionis

probably misleading. We’re living in a pulsatory world and for that reason people beginning as


therapistscanbeveryhelpful,andpeoplewho’vebeentherapists fora longtimecanbenotvery

helpful.Therapyisnotsomethingwhichisafunctionofourwillinthewaythatonecouldexpress

one’swillinbuildingabrickwall.Youcanimposeyoursenseoforderonthebricks,youcanmake

sureeachlayerofcementisexactlythesamethickness.However,weareworkingwithotherbeings

whoaredynamicandunstableand ifwe’regoingtomeetthem,wehavetobeopen,flexibleand

responsive. Weareall learningto livewithoppositesandthe irresolvabletensionbetweenthem.

Thisrequiresatensilestrength,theresilientresponsivenessthatisnotrigidandthencrumblingbut

adaptable, thecapacity to livewithone’s strengthsandweaknesses simultaneously. That’sa real

gift. Itprotectsyouagainsthubris; itprotectsyouagainstself‐defeatingnegativeattitudes,and it

says,“It’salwaysaworkinprogress.”It’snotthatwecancollapseourselfstates,throughincreased

intra‐psychic communication. Ratherwe can learn to tolerate the fluctuations of our and others’

manifestations.Bynotover‐identifyingwiththefleetingformsofexperience,wecanawakentothe

natureofourawarenessasaclaritythatremainsfreshandsimple,whateverisgoingon.

who is talking to whom? - simply being · who is talking to whom? james low a talk given to...

Documents