Plain Language

Where's the Verb?

By F Georgann Wing

F. Georgann Wing is co-director of researchand writing at Thomas M. Cooley Law School.

hink back to the second grade

when we first learned to writesentences. We used strong verbs,

and our sentences were crisp and pre-cise. We identified who did what, andthe sentences were filled with action.

I like to smell a flower.

In our high school English andwriting courses, our writing gotsophisticated:

I like the sweet fragrance of a daffodil.

Our writing was still clear and pre-cise because we still used verbs andsaid who did what.

Then we went to college, where welearned to write in an academic way.We were told to expand our thoughtsand our writing. So we wrote three-page themes about Wordsworth's"host of golden daffodils." We weretold to use big words instead of littlewords so we would sound educated.We complied by changing little verbsto big nouns. Our sentences werelonger, so it was easier to fill the pageswhen we had nothing much to say.Thus, in a bad moment we wrote:

The emanation of the pervasive aromaof the daffodil effectively creates stim-ulation of the olfactory nerves.

The sentence was longer, the wordswere bigger, and the reader, no doubt,knew the writer was educated. Wehad mastered academic writing. We

merely changed verbs to nouns de-rived from them, and everything elsefell into place. We found that it waseasier to write, because we did nothave to be specific. Our sentenceswere very grammatical, even thoughwe omitted the who's, when's, where's,and why's. So in answer to the quip,"Where's the verb?"-it has gone byway of the academic abstract.

For clarity and force, we now needto get back to basics. We must draftcontracts and write briefs so our read-ers understand the specifics. Themost important rules are these:

1) Use strong base verbs instead ofderivative nouns, and

2) State them in the active voice.

Use Base Verbs

Strong sentences require strongbase verbs, words that tell what peo-ple do. Offerors revoke. Attorneys rep-resent. Verbs breathe life and actioninto the sentences. Lose them and thesentences are dead.

So beware of these word endings:

-ment, -ion, -ance, -ence, -ancy, -ency,-ant, -ent, -al.

Too often they signal a verb gonewrong, mushed into a derivativenoun.

Don't use:reliancerevocationpertinencetendencystatement

relyrevokepertaintendstate

As Professor Richard Wydick pointsout in Plain English for Lawyers, "[B]aseverbs are simple creatures. They can-not tolerate adornment. If you try to

dress them up, you squash their lifeand motion."

Compare the sentences that follow,and notice the problems that deriva-tive nouns create. (The problems arenot as pronounced in these sentences,because they are short. When the sen-tences are longer, the problems arecompounded, destroying clarity andprecision.)

A. Sentences built around deriva-tive nouns are often longer than needbe. It simply takes more words to holdthe sentence together.

There has been a revocation of ouroffer.We revoke our offer.

The conclusion that I have reached isthat the terms of the contract are fair.I have concluded that the terms of thecontract are fair.

B. The writer has to settle for aweaker, often awkward, verb to carrythe larger noun. Nouny sentencesthrive on awkward verbs-like "effec-tuated" or "affix" or other junk verbs.

Service of process has been effectuated.We have served the summons andcomplaint.

Please affix your signature to thecontract.Please sign the contract.

"Plain Language" is a regular feature of theMichigan Bar Journal, edited by JosephKimble for the State Bar Plain English Com-mittee. Assistant editor is George H. Hathaway.Through this column the Committee hopes topromote the use of plain English in the law.Want to contribute a Plain English article?Contact Prof. Kimble at Cooley Law School,P.O. Box 13038, Lansing, MI 48901.

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PLAIN LANGUAGE

C. Nouny sentences often omitpeople. We cannot grammatically say,"we reliance," or "we modification."Thus, the writer simply omits theactor, and the sentence is at leastgrammatically sound. But when thewriter omits people from the sentence,ambiguities are created.

There was reliance on the contractthat you breached.We relied on the contract that youbreached.

At times, one can only guess whomthe writer intended the charactersto be.

If there could be a presentation of evi-dence that would demonstrate thatfalse representations were made on theloan application, then there could be aconviction.If the prosecutor (?) could present evi-dence that (?) falsely represented onthe loan application that (?), then theprosecutor (?) would have enough evi-dence to convict ?

When the writer uses derivativenouns instead of verbs, the readermust mentally fill in the blanks. Verbsforce the writer to be specific, to statewho did what. The writing is moreunderstandable and therefore morepersuasive. Look the reader in the eyeand say what is on your mind.

State the Verb in the Active VoiceGood writing begins with strong

sentences. Strong sentences beginwith base verbs stated in the activevoice, not the passive voice. Althoughderivative nouns and passive voice gohand in hand, they are separate faults.A writer can be very careful to usebase verbs, yet still write bad sentencesin the passive voice.

In the active voice, the subject ofthe verbs acts.

The defendant struck the plaintiff.

This sentence focuses on the logi-cal subject, on who did it. Now sup-pose you wrote it in the passive voice.

The plaintiff was struck by thedefendant.

Here the actor is the object of theverb, not the subject. The focus is onthe act, rather than the actor. Now thereader must read the entire sentencebefore learning who did it.

Many writers mistakenly believethat passive voice and past tense arethe same. They are not. The writercan use the passive voice in any tense.

The return was audited by IRS.

The return is being audited by IRS.

The return will be audited by IRS.

Sentences in the passive voice cre-ate some of the same problems as de-rivative nouns create. Again, the prob-lems are not as pronounced in thesentences that follow because they areshort.

A. Sentences in the passive voicerequire more words. To help the pas-sive verb, the writer must add weaksupporting verbs or prepositions suchas: be, was/were, had been/will havebeen, of, by.

The plaintiff's petition for rehearingwas denied by the court.

The court denied the plaintiff's peti-tion for rehearing.

B. The structure of sentences in thepassive voice is often awkward.

It was contended by the defendantthat he should be allowed credit forthe money that was received by theplaintiffThe defendant contended that heshould be allowed credit for the moneythat plaintiff received.

C. Because the sentence is com-plete without an actor, the writer maysimply forget him. A sentence withoutan actor is truncated and may beambiguous.

Funds for the new library will be allo-cated. (By whom?)

The city will allocate the funds for thenew library.

D. The reader may have doubletrouble when the writer combines thepassive voice with derivative nouns.

There will be an allocation of funds.(By whom; for what?)The contention was made that allow-ance should be given for the moneysthat were received.The analysis of the basis for such anaction in terms of a recognition of theforeseeable harm and proximate causeassociated with the negligence in thesale of alcohol implies a strong policybasis for a favorable decision. (Mumbojumbo.)

But, you say, passive voice and de-rivative nouns must serve some pur-pose. If not, God and our college pro-fessors would not have inventedthem! True enough, but use themconsciously, and only in specialcircumstances.

Consider Using the Passive Voiceand Derivative Nouns When:

A. It doesn't matter who did it.Sometimes you don't need to identifythe actor because no one wants toknow.

The complaint and summons wereserved. (Who cares who did it?)

B. The reader already knows whodid it. Then the writer might use thepassive voice and derivative nouns toadd a little variety.

The Michigan Plain English Law wasfinally enacted. (Only the Legislaturecould do that.)

American Heart

IAssociationWE'RE FIGHTING FORYOUIR LIFE

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PLAIN LANGUAGE

The teachers met to vote on whether toratify the contract. After much debate,it was ratified. (Passive sentences oftenfollow active sentences.)

C. The writer doesn't know whodid it.

She was murdered.

D. The writer knows who did it butis in a sticky situation and doesn'twant to say. So the writer simplypasses the buck linguistically andkeeps the reader in the dark.

The land was conveyed.

E. The writer did it and doesn'twant to say so. The writer isn't com-fortable looking the reader in the eyeand taking responsibility for the ac-tion. Government officials and judgesoften use this method to avoid takingresponsibility for their decisions.

A decision has been made to terminateall ADC payments.

A judge who has decided to awardthe marital home to the husbandmight say something like this:

The equities demand that the maritalhome be awarded to the husband.

Otherwise, the judge would have tolook the wife in the eye and give herthe bad news:

Mrs. Smith, you are a jerk. You haveabused your husband since the day youwere married, and you are lazy to boot.I've decided that you don't deserve themarital home. I'm awarding it to yourhusband.

Indeed, such a clear statement mightbetter be cloaked in the abstract.

So take control of your writing.Don't use derivative nouns or passivevoice because you think you soundmore educated or because it is habit.Use these academic obscurities whenyou need them-in a sticky situation,or when you don't know the particu-lars. But in most sentences use strongbase verbs in the active voice. It works.

MICHIGAN BAR JOURNAL FEBRUARY I9~9MICHIGAN BAR JOURNAL FEBRUARY 1989