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    What Your Actions Say about You

    That first minute is critical in any encounter. Various body signals speak for you longbefore you open your mouth. Learn to use such potential personal assets as your bodyposture, your handshake, eye contact and your special smile, to your full advantage.

    You need to know how to act when you get to a conference, after-hours event, meeting ortrade show to make the most effective and efficient use of your time and to attract

    those people whom you want to do with business with and add to your network.

    The success of any encounter begins the moment someone lays eyes on you. One of thefirst things they notice about you is your aura, that distinctive atmosphere that surroundsyou.

    You create it, and you are responsible for what it says about you and whom it attracts.Your aura enters with you and starts speaking long before your open your mouth.

    Since body language conveys more than half of any message in any face-to-faceencounter, how you act is vital to your aura.

    osture

    One of the first key things people notice is how you carry and present yourself. o youwalk and stand with confidence like your mother taught you!

    Stomach in

    "hest out

    Shoulders back

    #ead up

    -Or do you slouch, perhaps with your shoulders drooping, your head forward and yourstomach protruding! $re you saying to people that you are not sure of yourself, are notpoised and, therefore, not the one they should seek out and get to know! You may beturning people away without even being aware of it.

    "ommand respect by standing tall and claiming the space to which you are entitled. %lantyour feet about si& to eight inches apart with one slightly in front of the other. 'yworkshop attendees always remark about how this positioning makes them feel(grounded,) (rooted) and (balanced) great ways to start any encounter*

    You also tell people through your posture if you are want others to approach you. +orinstance, if you are talking with one other person and the two of you are forming arectangle, you will give the message that you have (closed off) your space and dont wantto be interrupted.

    f you doubt me, stand by two people who are in the rectangular position and see howlong you go unacknowledged. The two will see you out of their peripheral vision, butwont include you until they have finished their (private) conversation.

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    f, on the other hand, the two of you stand with your feet pointed outward like two sidesof an incomplete triangle, you will be inviting others into the conversation. You can makethat all-important eye contact.

    !andshakes

    $nother vital component you need to bring to any interpersonal encounter is a firmhandshake. $gain, those few seconds you (shake) can empower or weaken a relationship.

    'ens handshakes are typically strong and firm because they naturally have a strongergrip. omen, get a grip and be noticed*

    once got a client because the man shook hands with remarked about my stronghandshake and asked what did. #e decided it was time to hire me to teach his peoplehow to shake hands, too*

    /eing familiar with the following handshakes will help you immensely in your relationship-building activities0

    "ontroller$ person e&tends his hand to you, web-to-web, and as soon as your hands are linked, hepurposely maneuvers his hand onto the top. #es telling you he wants to be in charge.1eep that in mind as the interaction continues.

    Sand#ich2se this one only with people you know. hen you envelop another persons hands, youare invading their private space where you are to be only when invited.

    Society promotes the standard handshake but is not as tolerant of using both hands. /ythe way, this handshake is also known as the politicians handshake which may be cause

    enough for most people to avoid it*

    $ead fishmagine rubbing a scaly, dead fish in your hands and you got the picture. Your handstypically are wet for two reasons0 You are nervous or you have been holding a coldbeverage in your right hand and move it to your left 3ust before you shake hands. n eithercase, it is e&tremely unpleasant for the receiver.

    f you e&perience an&iety, wipe your hands on a napkin, the tablecloth or even lightly onyour clothes. hat you spend at the dry cleaners will be paid for 4uickly by the betterimpression you make. $s for the beverage, use common sense.

    Limp fingersomen, far more than men, e&tend their fingers rather than their entire hand. t can bepainful for the e&tender, when she is greeted by a man who shakes with his forceful grip.

    'en tell me this fre4uently leads to their giving women a lighter handshake. %rofessionalwomen respond that they want to be treated e4ually. One of the ways to combat thissyndrome is to always e&tend you full hand 5never cup it6 hori7ontally, even if your grip islight.

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    %ngredients of a good handshake #old the persons hand firmly.

    Shake web-to-web, three times ma&imum.

    'aintain constant eye contact.

    8adiate positive aura.

    &ye "ontact

    'ake it and keep it* 9ot only does focused eye contact display confidence on your part, it

    also helps you understand what the other person is really saying verbally.

    When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another,a practiced man relies on the language of the first.

    --8alph aldo :merson

    ;ooking someone in the eye as you meet and talk with him

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    To gain and increase respect, first establish your presence in a room, then smile. t is far more professionalthan to enter a room giggling or (all smiles.)

    $s you review and tweak your body language for your ne&t interpersonal encounter, suggest you keep inmind another :merson saying0

    What you are stands over you the while and thunders so that I cannot hear what you say to the contrary.

    !o# Space %nvasion "an 'uin a (usiness $eal

    )ne of the easiest mistakes to make during a business encounter is to mis*udge ho#much space the other person needs. 'especting another person+s space can help youbuild rapport #ith your colleagues and close sales #ith your clients.

    $s a consultant and professional speaker, often travel by myself and fre4uently dinealone. This affords me the opportunity to combine two of my favorite pastimes0 eatinggreat food and watching people.

    One night at dinner in an ocean-side resort, noticed a man and a woman seated acrossthe room. t was a beautiful image and it caught my attention. The couple sat in

    silhouette, framed by a large picture window, while the setting sun turned the backgroundshades of yellow, orange, magenta and deep purple.

    Then began to observe the couples body language. uring the course of the meal, watched the man lean toward the womanBand saw her respond by pulling away from him.#e leaned toward her againBand again she pulled away. The more the man leanedforward, the more his dinner companion would tilt back. /y dessert, he was almostsprawled across the table and she was practically falling off her chair.

    couldnt hear a word they were saying, but it was perfectly obvious that whatever hewas proposingBshe wasnt signing on*

    The funny part was, the man seemed totally oblivious to the nonverbal signals the womanwas so clearly sending. #e would have been much more successful if he had 5literally6backed off.

    ;ast month was reminded of this episode as sat at another restaurant watching twomen at the bar. This time was close enough to overhear their conversation, so knewthat one man was in sales and the other was a potential client. /y the time theydfinished their drinks, also knew the deal was dead. $nd it wasnt anything that was said.n the midst of a normal (getting-to-know-you) conversation, watched the salesmanmove so close to his prospect that the client began, very slowly, to inch away. This went

    on for some time, but finally the client could stand it no longer. #e e&cused himself tomake a phone call ? and left the restaurant shortly afterward.

    nderstanding the invisible bubble

    One of the easiest mistakes to make during a business encounter with someone is tomis3udge how much space the other person needs.

    The anthropologist, :dward #all, coined the word (pro&emicsC to describe phenomena liketerritoriality among office workers. $nd it was he who first noted the five 7ones in which

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    people feel most comfortable dealing with one another. 5tDs as if weDre standing inside aninvisible bubble that e&pands or contracts depending on our relationships.6

    The intimate zone5>-E= inches6 is reserved for family and loved ones.ithin this 7one we embrace, touch or whisper. This close contact isappropriate only for very personal relationships.

    The close personal zone5E.F-G feet6 is the (bubble) most people in the2nited States like to keep around us. This 7one is used for interactions

    among friends or familiar and trusted business partners.

    Afar personal zone5G-H feet6 is for interactions we prefer to conduct (atarms length) and in this 7one we can communicate interest without thecommitment of touching.

    The social zone 5H-EG feet6 is most appropriate for the ma3ority of mostdaily business interactions. t is where we interact with new businessac4uaintances or at more formal social affairs.

    Thepublic zone5over EG feet6 is mostly used for public speaking.

    The amount of space re4uired to feel comfortable varies from individual to individual.%eople who dont like being touched will tend to (keep their distance) from others.%eople who touch others while talking will want to get close enough to do so.

    Space can also vary depending on the amount of trust in a relationship. $ general rule is0The greater the distance, the lower the level of trust. e also make assumptions aboutrelationships based on 7ones. f we see two people talking at a distance of around twofeet from each other, we assume they are engaged in the kind of conversation only

    possible between those who know and trust each other. So, their spatial relationshipbecomes part of what is being communicated.

    Iender plays an important role too. 'en who dont know each other well tend to keep agreater distance between them than women who have 3ust met. This difference ininterpersonal distance as determined by gender is even true in eb G.>s virtual onlineworlds 5like Second ;ife6 where many of the rules that govern personal space in thephysical world can be found in the virtual world.

    $nd, of course, the comfortable distance between participants varies with culture. n the2.S. most business relationships begin in the social 7one. $s the relationships develop and

    trust is formed, both parties may subconsciously decrease the distance to more personal7ones. /ut if one of the parties moves too close too soon, it can result in a communicationbreakdown.

    Those who feel powerful and confident will usually control more physical space, e&tendingtheir arms and legs and generally taking up more room. n doing so, they may unknowinglyinfringe on another persons territory. Someone may also purposefully stand too close inorder to make the other person feel self-conscious or insecure. %olice interrogators oftenuse the strategy of sitting close and crowding a suspect. This theory of interrogationassumes that invasion of the suspectDs personal space 5with no chance for defense6 willgive the officer a psychological advantage.

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    ve also seen managers standing uncomfortably close to employees in order to emphasi7etheir status in the organi7ation.

    9ot a good idea.

    Scientists agree that peoples territorial responses are primitive and powerful. $nd amistake here can trigger a truly deep-seated response. hen someone comes too close inan undesirable way, it triggers a physiological reaction in the other person - as heart rateand galvanic skin responses increase. The other person then tries to restore the (proper)

    distance by looking away, stepping behind a barrier 5desk, chair, table6, crossing theirarms to create a barrier, pulling back to create space, or tucking in their chins as aninstinctive move of protection. They may even rub their neck so that an elbow protrudessharply toward the invader.

    Ietting too close is an especially improper business move in circumstances whereworkers, colleagues or clients are in danger of feeling emotionally or physicallythreatened by the invasion on their personal space. $nyone who oversteps spaceboundaries is perceived as rude, aggressive or socially clueless.

    So keep your distance. 8especting another persons space can help you build rapport with

    your colleagues and close sales with your clients.

    "an You Listen With Your &yes-

    You+re at a business event and the colleague you+ve been having an intenseconversation #ith begins to shift her gae from your face to look around the room.&ver #onder #hy that makes you feel as if she has stopped listening- You kno# it+s notlogical. A person doesn+t have to look at you to hear you. eople don+t listen #iththeir eyes.

    )r do they-

    The impact of eye contact is so powerful because it is instinctive and connected withhumans early survival patterns. "hildren who could attract and maintain eye contact, andtherefore increase attention, had the best chance of being fed and cared for.

    $nd eye contact retains its power with adults. e ga7e intently at one another,unconsciously monitoring the wide eyes of surprise or pleasure and the narrowed eyes ofsuspicion or dislike. e respond 5positively or negatively6 to dilated pupils that signalattraction, increased blink rates caused by stress, and darting eyes that underscorediscomfort or defensiveness.

    Over the course of a conversation, eye contact is made through a series of glances ? bythe speaker, to make sure the other person has understood or to gage reactions, and bythe listener to indicate interest in either the other person or whats being said.

    t is also used as a synchroni7ing signal. %eople tend to look up at the end of utterances,which gives their listeners warning that the speaker is about to stop talking. There isoften mutual eye contact during attempted interruptions, laughing, and when answeringshort 4uestions.

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    :ye contact is most effective when both parties feel its intensity is appropriate for thesituation 5and this may differ with introverts

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    She noticed immediately that the consultant was sitting in the most powerful position atthe rectangular table. $lso that when she or her group asked 4uestions, the consultantand the president often started to answer even before the asker was finished, with theconsultant speaking over the president. hen the president did speak, he often put hishand to his mouth

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    G. Speaker louder than others and persevere.

    K. Try not to interrupt others.

    K. When you cover your mouth or chin #ith your hand #hile speaking, you

    E. 'ay be stifling a cough.

    G. 'ay be lying.

    K. +eel insecure and vulnerable.

    H. 'ubbing your neck may indicate

    E. The person speaking is a pain in your neck.

    G. You are eager to hear what the other person has to say.

    K. You are uncomfortable.

    F. Aimlessly rearranging your materials on the table can mean

    E. You are fidgety, nervous or uncomfortable.

    G. You are well organi7ed.

    L. !aving palms up means

    E. You are trying to hide something.

    G. You are uncomfortable.

    K. You are being honest with people.

    Ans#ers

    E. 5G6G. 5G6K. 5E,G,K6H. 5E,K6F. 5E6L. 5K6

    $oes Your Stance &1clude or %nclude )thers-

    !ave you ever attended a meeting, conference or net#orking event and felt as if

    people #ere unfriendly or snobbish and hard to engage in conversation- Are youa#are you might be sending the same message #hen you are talking #ith anotherperson 2 simply through your stance-

    (y the #ay you stand, you either e1clude or include others. nfortunately, you maybe una#are of the vibes you are sending about you or your organiation.

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    hen you and another person face each other and form a rectangle like the illustrationabove, you send the message that you have (closed off) your space and do not wish to beinterrupted. 2sually, you do not consciously set out to do this, rather your bodies (close

    up the space) as you become more and more involved in your conversation.

    hen you are the person trying to 3oin two people who have assumed that stance, you setyourself up for re3ection if they are not yet ready to (break the bo&) and let you in.

    ve tested the principle and once stood ne&t to two people for five minutes before theyinvited me in. %robably didnt help that they were vice presidents at $TMT and wasonly a manager.

    t also can be difficult for you to break out of the rectangle if you are ready to move onand the other person is not yet finished (monopoli7ing) your time.

    stopped by a funeral home to pay my regards to a friend when her father died. She hadleft to run an errand so met and spoke with her sister. e moved into a rectangularposition, and tried to break it because needed to leave for an appointment.

    She kept rotating with me to keep the bo& intact. t was apparent she was not yet readyto break off the conversation. +inally, a priest approached us and as she saw him out ofher peripheral vision, she opened our (bo&.) e&cused myself shortly after wasintroduced to the priest.

    On the other hand, when you and another person have your feet pointed outward as if you

    could complete a triangle,

    you are inviting others into the conversation. t is easy for someone walking past or

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    standing nearby to make eye contact. That person will feel welcome to 3oin you,particularly if one of you e&tends an invitation through a smile, nod or a pause in yourconversation.

    1nowing these two simple (stance) facts can save you from feeling re3ected or ignored ormaking others feel that way vs. welcomed and comfortable.

    Nust as you have developed your brand so do organi7ations and companies. (Stand up) foryou

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    gestures which are typically use when lying. 5$nd, by the way, those same gestures areoften displayed when listening to someone you donDt believe.6

    o %acifying gestures are used to help us deal with stress0 $ny self touching can becalming. You may rub your legs, pull at your collar, play with your hair, rub your neck, oreven cross your arms in a kind of Cself-hug.C

    o Open palm gestures indicate candor, while hidden hands 5or hands in pockets6 signalsthat the person has something to hide or doesnDt want to participate in a conversation.

    o ;ow confidence is often shown by wringing hands and interlacing fingers.

    o #igh confidence can be displayed by a steepling gesture 5palms separated and fingerstouching6. YouDll see this used most often by politicians, e&ecutives and professors.

    So, remember, itDs okay to talk with your hands - as long as you know what theyDre saying*

    !o# to be 5ore "harismaticWhen You Speak in ublic

    "harisma. %t4s a 6uality #e associate #ith movie stars, leaders, sports figures.

    (ut ever #ish you could have more of it yourself- &ver #ish you could give apresentation so memorable people #ill be talking about it for days, #eeks, months andeven years to come-

    Sadly, most presentations are all too easily forgotten. %sychologists say we forget aboutF> of what we hear in a presentation within H= hours. Two weeks later we can barelyremember we were even in the room.

    Some people study charisma. They think it can be learned and affected in mannerisms,facial e&pressions and body language. They fre4uent cosmetic dentists for a, million-dollarsmile. Or undergo plastic surgery to achieve da77ling good looks.

    Others try to ac4uire charisma through fashion or a sense of personal style. $nd manypeople say that when it comes to charisma, you either have it or you donDt.

    $ctually, charisma comes from none of the above. tDs an inner4uality that all of us have. "harisma is something that shines fromwithin. t cannot be ac4uired, learned or pasted on

    %roblem is, most peopleDs natural charisma is deeply buriedbeneath layers and layer of psychological stuff.

    One of the greatest enemies of charisma is narcissism. #ereDs why0

    The narcissistic speaker is more concerned with looking good and speaking for glory thanthey are with giving to the audience. They speak to get noticed and to pull energytowards them, rather than speaking to radiate energy outwards in the form ofinformation, motivation, affection and inspiration

    "harisma issomething thatshines from

    #ithin...)ne of itsgreatest enemies isnarcissism

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    True charisma is nurtured and enhanced by selflessness and a dedication to higher ideals.:very presentation, even the most dry and businesslike, can be enhanced by this paradigmshift.

    So ne&t time you have to give a talk, donDt merely hope and pray that you get through itas 4uickly as possible.

    ;ook for any opportunity to improve someoneDs life through the information and uni4ueperspective you bring.

    Sho# "onfidence ThroughYour Walk and osture

    7o one ever has too much confidence / ego, yes, confidence no.

    $o you keep in mind that your #alk and posture bespeak your confidence before youbegin your pitch- They influence your audience of one or one hundred to make initialdecisions about your capabilities 2 before you even shake hands, begin a conversationor sho# your first slide.

    The way you stride down the hallway, across the parking lot or into a room is a powerfulfirst clue to how you feel about yourself. alk erect with your head held high, yourshoulders back, your chest out and your stomach in. ith the aura you create, youcommand respect without ever saying a word.

    hen you overdo it with a swagger or a strut, it can e4uate with egotism and a pompousattitude. 2nderdone, like when you have your back arched and your head stuck out anddown, shows a lack of confidence.

    hen you are giving a presentation, use your walk as a form of physical punctuation.

    Strengthen transitions by stepping to the side, pauses by standing in place and emphasisand persuasion by moving forward as if you want to touch the audience.

    f your movement is unnatural or mechanical, it will detract from your presentation.Standing in one place throughout a talk may indicate youre (fro7en to the spot) by thefear of speaking.

    Your posture talks, too8

    Once you have walked into that meeting, office or conference and found your spot, your

    posture becomes a telltale sign. 8emember what your mother used to tell you, (Stand upstraight*C You literally (make your stand) through your posture. t tells people howconfident you are, how much self-esteem you have and how you want to be treated.

    Taking up a reasonable amount of space e4uates to having power. %lant your feet about =to E> inches apart with one slightly in front of the other. This allows you to easily changeweight from one foot to the other.

    This is particularly important if you are behind a podiumA you donDt noticeably appear tobe shifting weight 5which you need to do so you donDt get fro7en in the CspeakerC position6.hen you dont do it smoothly, this shifting can be distracting to the audience ... and to

    you when you become conscious of it.

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    This stance also makes you feel more comfortable, balanced and grounded, which is a pluswhen you undertake the arduous process of starting or maintaining a conversation.

    omen often think it is more ladylike to assume the first position in ballet, i.e. the insideback of your left foot rubs against the inside arch of your right foot. n reality, womenwho stand in this position in business look as if they might topple if given a nudge.

    Avoid the fig/lead stance

    $ stance to avoid is what term the fig leaf. n addition to having your feet close togetherand your hands crossed over your genital area, you may tilt your head sideways as youlook up to engage in conversation. This posture almost always guarantees you a loss ofrespect and power before you ever say a word*

    8emember how your ancestors claimed their land! Stake your property, too* +ailure tostake your claim reminds me of a saying from my Ierman heritage0 C'ache dich klein.C5Make yourself small.6

    tDs what my mom would say to me repeatedly when she viewed my eagerness to speak toeveryone in sight as annoying chatter instead of a natural asset* hat am encouragingyou to do instead is to C'ache dich grose.C 5Make yourself big!6 :&pand and claim yourspace* tDs yours for the taking.

    $ tango instructor said it well0 Stand as if you o#n the #orld. learned this from one ofmy coaching clients who was taking dance lessons. $ttitude plays a vital role. Think highlyof yourself 5you will stand taller6, and the world will notice and react accordingly.

    !o# to achieve good posture Stand #ith your back to a #all and look straight ahead.'ake sure your

    head and your back are touching the wall. $s you remain standing there for afew minutes, periodically touch your shoulders to the wall and hold for E>seconds.

    This automatically makes you pull in your tummy and stick out your chest.Take a few steps away from the wall, and practice the same techni4ues onyour own.

    &nvision the 9ohn !ancock (uilding in "hicago, one of the tallest in the#orld.9ow, stand up. magine your body is a tall, narrow building. %lantyour feet =-E> inches apart.

    9ow, make sure your knees are directly about your feet, hips above yourknees, stomach above your hips, chest above your stomach and head aboveyour chest ? such that if you took a piece of heavy string and dropped it fromyour nose, it would fall between your feet. 1eep this image in mind as youstand around at networking events, meetings and receptions.

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    The o#er of Touchin (usiness Settings

    Touch may be a controversial issue in the #orkplace o#ing to its potentialfor abuse, but the simple act of touching someone to sho# support,encouragement, sympathy or gratitude can add the personal #armth to ourcommunication that is other#ise lacking.

    $ fre4uently commented on aspect of the evolving relationship between /arackObama and #illary "linton is how much they touch each other. 8ecently, therehave been images of /arak with his hand on #illaryDs arm, the two of them onstage leaning into one another and touching shoulders, and 5after theannouncement of her nomination as secretary of state6 leaving the pressconference with their arms around each otherDs backs.

    nteresting - but what does it mean!

    +or one thing it means is that they both are comfortable with touch as a way ofe&pressing themselves - and that, in turn, may mean a lot for the rest of us.

    Touch has become a controversial issue in nearly every area of life - certainly inthe workplace, where inappropriate touching can be grounds for dismissal oreven prosecution.

    /ut in our sensitivity to political correctness, we may have lost a potent way toconnect with others. Sometimes the simple act of touching someone to showsupport, encouragement, agreement, sympathy or gratitude adds the personalwarmth to our communication that is otherwise lacking.

    There are legitimate reasons for limiting physical encounters under professional

    conditions. ;ike any other nonverbal cue, touch can be misused as a power playor manipulation. Some people may use touch to display a sense of control orone-upmanship, and in those cases, a touch can feel condescending,uncomfortable, and be unwelcome.

    Still, we may have overcompensated. e are now living in a touch-phobicsociety has taken something powerful and deeply human out of our interactions.

    2sually considered to be the most primitive and essential form ofcommunication, touch is so potent and effective that clinical studies at 'ayo"linic show that premature babies who are stroked grow H> percent faster thanthose who do not receive the same amount of touching.

    $nd touch retains its power -- even with adults inbusiness settings. $ study on handshakes 5by thencome "enter for Trade Shows6 showed that peopleare two times more likely to remember you if youshake hands with them. The trade-show researchersalso found that people react to those with whom theyshake hands by being more open and friendly.

    #ereDs why . . .

    We are programmed tofeel closer to someone#ho4s touchedus...'esearchers foundthat people react tothose #ith #hom theyshake hands by beingmore open and

    friendly

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    e are programmed to feel closer to someone whoDs touched us. The personwho touches also feels more connected. tDs a compelling force and evenmomentary touching can create a human bond. $ touch on the forearm thatlasts a mere E of a second can make the receiver not only feel better butalso see the giver as being kinder and warmer.

    8esearch by the "ornell 2niversity School of #otel $dministration shows thatbeing touched increase the tips that customers leave their servers.

    $t two informal restaurants, waitresses had assigned to them customers whowere randomly divided into three categories. Some customers were not touchedat all, others were touched once on the shoulder for about one and a halfseconds, and the rest were touched twice on the palm of the hand for abouthalf a second each. $ll touches were casually given as the waitress returnedchange to their customers at the end of the meal. n all cases, eye contact wasavoided.

    The results at both restaurants were significant. "ustomers who werenDt touchedleft an average tip of EG. Tips increased to EH from those who were touchedon the shoulders, and to EP from those touched twice on the hand.

    /ut it isnDt only in restaurants that customers respond favorably to touch. nmany commercial settings, casually touching customers has been shown toincrease the time they spend in a store, the amounts they purchase, and thefavorable evaluation of their shopping e&perience in that store.

    n related studies, touch was found to increase the number of people whovolunteered to score papers and sign petitions. t was also observed thatsupermarket customers who had been touched were more likely to taste andpurchase food samples than non-touched customers.

    'y friend, /ill is a natural Ctoucher.C $s such, he utili7es an interesting andeffective communication techni4ue. hen he speaks, he touches the listener5most always on the forearm6 to add emphasis to key parts of his statements.Touching ensures that, for a moment, he has someoneDs full attention. /ecausetouch is used most often when we believe strongly in something 5a liar willrarely touch the one he is talking to6, /illDs touching also subconsciouslyenhances his credibility.

    snDt that ama7ing! Through a single touch we instantly become more likeable,friendly, memorable, and credible.

    /y offering a public e&ample of two people at ease with touch, could /arack and#illary be showing us that it is okay to find appropriate and friendly ways totouch in public!

    Why :eet $on4t Lie

    T#o of your colleagues are talking in the hall#ay. You+d like to *oin theconversation, but you don+t kno# if you+ll be seen as a rude interruption ora #elcome addition.

    Want to find out- 9ust #atch their feet.

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    hen you approach the twosome, you will be acknowledged in one of two ways.f the feet of your two colleagues stay in place and they twist only their uppertorsos in your direction, they dont really want you to 3oin the conversation. /utif their feet open to include you then you know that you are truly invited toparticipate.

    $nd thats only one of the messages you can get from reading feet.

    #eres another e&ample from my book, The 9onverbal $dvantage - Secrets and

    Science of /ody ;anguage at ork0 henever you are speaking with a co-workerwho seems to be paying attention, and whose upper body is angled toward you,but whose legs and feet have turned toward the door ? reali7e that theconversation is over. #er feet are telling you she wants to leave.

    +oot positions are revealing even if someones legs are crossed. f the toe of theleg that is crossed on top is pointing towards you, the person is most likelyinterested in you. f the opposite leg is crossed so the top toe is pointing away,the person is probably withdrawing.

    Our feet and legs are not only our primary means of locomotion, they are in the

    forefront of reactions to (fight, flight, or free7e) survival strategies. The limbicbrain is at the center of our emotional response system. ts ma3or function is toreact instantaneously to incoming information from the environment.

    :motional reactions, as we know, occur prior to thought. /efore weve had timeto develop any conscious plan, our limbic brain has already made sure that ourfeet and legs ? depending on the situation ? are geared to free7e in place, runaway, or kick out in defense.

    hen people try to control their body language, they

    focus primarily on facial e&pressions and hand

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    his (foot language) changed dramatically0 +rom a comfortable, loose leg cross,the e&ecutive suddenly locked his ankles tightly together, pulled them backunder his chair, and began to make tiny kicks with both feet. #e then re-crossedhis ankles and kicked his feet again. $nd this behavior continued throughout theentire set of compensation 4uestions.

    as the ":O comfortable addressing this issue! ell, his upper body would haveyou believe he was. $nd if that were all you could see 5if, for instance, he hadbeen sitting behind a desk or standing behind a lectern6, you might have been

    convinced he was at ease. /ut his feet told an entirely different story -- one ofstress and an&iety.

    Of course, our feet and legs react not only to stressors and threats, theyrespond to positive emotions as well. (ancing for 3oy,) (1icking up your heels,)(alking on air,) and (Staying on your toes) ? theyre only some of the phrasesused to acknowledge that positive connection.

    /ouncing, tapping, wiggling feet are what professional poker players refer to as(happy feet.) n poker its a high-confidence tell, a signal that the players handis strong.

    ve noticed a similar signal in business negotiations. f you see a lot of high-energy foot 3iggling 5or if you notice a slight bounce in the shoulders that is aresult of such movement6 you can almost always assume that the party involvedis feeling pretty good about his bargaining position. $nd if your seated opponentrocks back on his heels and raises his toes ? he probably thinks he has the upperhand.

    +eet even say a lot about your self-confidence. hen you stand with your feetclose together, you seem timid or hesitant. /ut when you widen your stance,you look more (solid) and sure of yourself.

    Studies show that observers have greater success 3udging a persons trueemotional state when they can see the entire body. You may not know it, butinstinctively youve been reacting to foot gestures all your life. 9ow you know alittle more about what to look for.

    (ody Language 5istakes Women Leaders 5ake

    There are t#o sets of body language cues that follo#ers look for in leaders; warmth

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    #ead tilting is a signal that someone is listening and involved -- and a particularlyfeminine gesture. #ead tilts can be very positive cues, but they are also subconsciouslyprocessed as submission signals. omen who want to pro3ect power and authority shouldkeep their heads straight up in a more neutral position.

    ?. They physically condense

    One way that status is nonverbally demonstrated in a business meeting is by physicallytaking up room. ;ower-status, less-confident men 5and most women6 tend to pull in theirbodies and minimi7e their si7e, while high status males e&pand and take up space. So atyour ne&t meeting, spread out your belongings and claim your turf*

    @. They act girlish

    :veryone uses pacifying gestures when under stress. They rub their hands together, grabtheir upper arms, and touch their necks. /ut women are viewed as much less powerfulwhen they pacify with girlish behaviors 5twirling hair, playing with 3ewelry, or biting afinger.6

    . They smile e1cessively

    hile smiling can be a powerful and positive nonverbal cue ? especially for signalinglikeability and friendliness ? women should be aware that, when e&cessive orinappropriate, smiling can also be confusing and a credibility robber. This is especiallytrue if you smile while discussing a serious sub3ect, e&pressing anger, or giving negativefeedback.

    B. They nod too much

    hen a man nods, it means he agrees. hen a woman nods, it means she agrees ? or islistening to, empathi7ing with, or encouraging the speaker to continue. This e&cessivehead nodding can make females look like a bobble-head doll. "onstant head nodding cane&press encouragement and engagement, but not authority and power.

    C. They speak 0up0

    omenDs voices often rise at the ends of sentences as if theyDre asking a 4uestion or askingfor approval. hen stating your opinion, be sure to use the authoritative arc, in whichyour voice starts on one note, rises in pitch through the sentence and drops back down atthe end.

    D. They #ait their turn

    n negotiations, men talk more than women and interrupt more fre4uently. Oneperspective on the value of speaking up comes from former Secretary of State 'adeleine$lbright, who ? when asked what advice she had for up-and-coming professional women ?replied, (;earn to interrupt.)

    E. They are overly e1pressive

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    hile a certain amount of movement and animation adds passion and meaning to amessage, women who e&press the entire spectrum of emotions often overwhelm theiraudience 5especially if the audience is comprised primarily of males6. So in situationswhere you want to ma&imi7e your authority -- minimi7e your movements. hen youappear calm and contained, you look more powerful.

    F. They have a delicate handshake

    omen with a weak handshake are 3udged to be passive and less confident. So take thetime to cultivate your Cprofessional shake.) 1eep your body s4uared off to the otherperson -- facing him or her fully. 'ake sure you have palm-to-palm contact and that theweb of you hand 5the skin between you thumb and first finger6 touches the web of theother personDs. $nd, most of all, remember to shake hands firmly.