WHAT’S HAPPENING!

FRIDAY, MAY 31: FRIDAY NIGHT GOSPEL SING -GILLY GIRLS BAND, at 6pm. Bluegrass, Southern Gospel, Old time String Music. Good News Ministries, 1930 Modoc St. Madera.

PRE-SCHOOL STORY TIME, 11AM, Chowchilla Library, 300 Kings Avenue. Every Friday!

SATURDAY, JUNE 1: TRI-TIP DRIVE THRU LUNCH, Sons of the American Legion (SAL) Post #148. 445 Trinity Ave. Chowchilla. 11am-2pm. Proceeds benefit Veteran and Youth Programs.

CHOWCHILLA COMMUNITY SOCCER LEAGUE-FALL SIGNUPS, Saturdays on June 1, June 16, June 29, 10am-2pm at Edward Ray Park, 625 N 15th St. . For more info (559) 377-9418.

OLD TIME MUSIC CHURCH CONCERT, "Ripe for Pickin' "Live Blue Grass” 5pm-7pm at First Southern Baptist Church 711 Nebraska Ave, Madera. Info: (559) 232-3464

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 5: HIGH SPEED RAIL PUBLIC HEARING, at Chowchilla Fairgrounds –Little Theater, 1000 S. Third St. Chowchilla, 3pm-8pm. Spanish Interpreters will be available.

THURSDAY, JUNE 6: CHOWCHILLA SWAP MEET, Every Thursday 6:30AM-3:30PM, 24134 Rd 16, New & Used Items, Fresh Fruit & Veggies, Buy – Sell-Swap, Info: 559-363-9856.

FRIDAY, JUNE 7: CHOWCHILLA UNION HIGH SCHOOL –2019 GRADUATION CEREMONY, 8pm –9:30pm. Gates open to the public at 7:00 pm. 805 Humboldt, Chowchilla.

SUNDAY, JUNE 9: BREAKFAST WITH A VETERAN FUNDRAISER , 3 breakfast choices. Adults $8, Children (under 10) $5. VFW Hall-245 S. 5th St. Chowchilla, 8am-11am.

TUESDAY, JUNE 11: CHOWCHILLA CITY COUNCIL MEETING, at City

Hall –130 S. Second St., 7pm –10pm. Info (559) 665-8615.

To Post Events, call (209) 247-8000, (559) 760-8267, or (559) 683-8309. Email info @thechatter.org Publisher reserves

the right to select/edit submissions.

The CHOWCHILLA CHATTER is printed weekly, cour-tesy of Central California Public Service Broadcast-ers and its advertisers. Office 46174 Skyline Ridge Road, Coarsegold, CA 93614 Cell: (559) 760-8267 Email: info@thechatter.org

CHOWCHILLA UNION HIGH SCHOOL –2019 GRADUATION CEREMONY, Friday, June 7, 8pm -9:30pm. Gates open to the public at 7:00 pm. 805 Humboldt, Chowchilla.

BREAKFAST WITH A VETERAN , Sun, June 9, 8am-11am. 3 breakfast choices. Adults $8, Children (under 10) $5. VFW Hall-245 S. 5th St. Chowchilla.

SEAMLESS SUMMER MEAL PROGRAM, June 11 thru Aug 2. FREE breakfast and lunch for children 18 & younger. Adult meals $3. M-F, Breakfast 7:30am-8:45am only at Reagan, Stephens and Wilson schools. Lunch 11:30am-12:45pm at Chowchilla Elementary Schools including Fairmead. (559) 665-8027.

JUNE IS NATIONAL DAIRY MONTH, it began

in 1937 with farmers and grocers distributing extra milk to their areas as the summer heat kicked in. By 1939, the celebration officially became National Dairy Month..

PRE-SCHOOL STORY TIME, Friday, May 31, 11am, Chowchilla Library, 300 Kings Avenue. Every Friday.

TRI-TIP DRIVE THRU LUNCH FUNDRAISER, Saturday, June 1, 11am-2pm. Organized by the Sons of the American Legion (SAL) Post #148. 445 Trinity Ave. Chowchilla. Proceeds benefit Veteran and Youth Programs.

FMAS LOW COST SHOT CLINIC, Saturday, June 1, 10am -12 Noon, at Madera District Fairgrounds, 1850 W. Cleveland Ave, Madera. Rabies $10 Dewormer $5DHLPP $15 FVRCP $15. Cats must be in carriers. Dogs on leash. Friends of Madera Animal Shelter (FMAS) (559)363-5106.

HIGH SPEED RAIL PUBLIC HEARING, Wed June 5, 3pm-8pm. at Chowchilla Fair-grounds –Little Theater, 1000 S. Third St. Chowchilla.

TODAY’S QUOTE - "Working hard for something we don't care about is called stressed; working hard for something we love is called passion." -Simon Sinek

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder!

My wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills. During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle. She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer. Sometimes it's tough being married to a Smarty pants.

Q: Why do cows wear bells? A: Their horns don't work. A friend told me that she was bathing in milk, almost totally immersed. I said, “Pasteurized?”, she said, “no, just to my chin.”

THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Q. What do you get if you cross an

angry sheep and a moody cow? A.

An animal that’s in a baaaaaaaaad

mooooood!

I bought a tin of evaporated milk.

When I opened it, it was empty.

Landscaping, Handyman, Yard cleanup No job too big or too small

FREE ESTIMATES

CALL ALEX (209) 580-9725

RENTALS: 2 bedroom 1 bath house w/ detached garage, $700 a month, $1,050. dep. 3 bedroom 2 bath house w/ 2 car garage, lawn care included $1,150 a month, $1650. dep.

Roberta Flanagan Realtor Inc. (559)665-1313

R and L HOUSE CLEANING SERVICES We clean houses, windows, offices,

WE DO IT ALL! • 15 yrs experience.

(559) 718-9941 or (559) 514-9816

CALL JUDY (559)-696-3756

I was given the ultimatum 3 weeks ago. She said "it's me or your fishing." Man, I miss her.

An older couple were walking on a beach when the husband tripped over a bottle and a genie came out. “You can each have one wish,” said the genie. The wife made her wish first “I would like to travel around the world, with my husband.” Suddenly there appeared in her hand two tickets to travel around the world. Now it was the husbands turn, “Well” said the husband, with a naughty look on his face “I wish I can have a younger companion.” The words were barely out of his mouth when poof, he aged 20 years!

Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"

SIGNS: * On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." * At a Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." * On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

Q: What's the hardest part of learning to ride a horse? A: The ground!

Two cows are standing in a field. The first cow looks at the other and says “What do you think about all this talk of mad cow disease?” The second cow replies, “Why should I care, I’m a helicopter.”

Some people are like clouds. When

they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, 'Do you know him?' 'Yes,' she sighed, ' He's my old boy-friend... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' I said, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . And then the fight started...

MILKING COW FACTS: * A cow that is milking eats about 100 pounds of feed each day. * A cow that is milk-ing drinks about 30 to 50 gallons of water each day. * An average dairy cow produces 7 to 9 gallons of milk a day.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Madonna is 55, her boyfriend is 22.

Tina Turner is 75, her boyfriend is

40. JLo is 42, her boyfriend is 26.

Still single???? Relax. Your boyfriend

has not been born yet.

Q. What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you? A. Nacho Cheese.

76 Corner Gas, Auto Zone, Central Valley Veterinary, Chevron, Circle K, Chowchilla Medical Center, Chowchilla Public Library, Chowchilla Senior Center, Chowchilla Skilled Nursing, Conchita’s, Corsaro’s Pizza, Deli Delicious, Evans Feed, Flanagan Realty, Do It Best Hardware, Farnesi’s Steakhouse, Hinds Hospice, Jiffy Mart, McDonald’s, Mario’s, Pedro’s Pizza, Pedro’s Place, Pioneer Market, S & K Mini Mart, SaveMart, Star Mini Mart, State Capitol Grocery, Subway, Taco El Grullense, Togo’s Sandwiches, Tri Counties Bank

PICK UP EVERY THURSDAY AT ANY OF

“I'm into golf now. I'm getting pretty good. I can almost hit the ball as far as I can throw the clubs.”

The loaded mini-van pulled into the only remaining campsite. Four chil-dren leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters’ father, “That, sir, is some display of teamwork.” The father replied, “I have a system — no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up.”

Kid: “For $10, I’ll be good.” Father, laughing: “When I was your age, I was good for nothing.”

Q. What do you call a cow that doesn’t give milk? A milk dud.

Deja Moo - The feeling that you’ve

heart this Bull before.

A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked. “Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!” the farmer answered.

Q. What kind of milk do you get from a forgetful cow? A. Milk of amnesia.

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But somehow, I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf, Always something more important to me. Finally, she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, bus-ily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again, I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.' The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

I never married because there was no need. I have 3 pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.

My wife’s female intuition is so highly developed, she sometimes knows I’m wrong before I’ve even opened my mouth!

Q: What did mama cow say to baby

cow? A: It’s pasture bedtime.