WHAT MAKES TEENS TICK?

Implications for ParentingBarbara B. LeBlanc, LCSW,

BACS

Working withParents and Adolescents• Identify parenting styles which

support adolescent development

• Identify red flags indicating when to refer a family for counseling

• Provide parenting tips to enhance parent/teen communication

Parenting Styles Diana Baumrind, 1967

PERMISSIVE (too soft)– Goal: Child must find his own way

– View of behavior: I don’t count, child’s needs are more important than mine

– Job: Keep child happy and do not interfere with what he wants

Parenting Styles

AUTHORITARIAN (too hard) – Goal: Control, obedience, order

– View of behavior: Child is being bad

– Job: I must make him stop or control him, I’m the BOSS!

Parenting Styles

AUTHORITATIVE (just right)– Goal: Self-discipline, consideration of

others, ability to mange feelings, cooperation, individuation, order

– View of behavior: Developmentally appropriate

– Job: I must teach and be an effective leader

How Rules are Enforced• PERMISSIVE–No follow through, child pursues own

goals

• AUTHORITARIAN– Attempts to change the child, inflexible,

aggressive, finds fault, punishes, imposes own solutions

• AUTHORITATIVE– Prevention, honesty, response to

circumstances, collaborate to find solutions, logical & natural consequences, teach new skills

Child Outcomes• PERMISSIVE– Loses initiative, blames others, lack of

persistence, impulsive, lacks consideration of others

• AUTHORITARIAN– Relies on others for direction, people

pleaser, can only influence life through rebellion

• AUTHORITATIVE– Develops self-control, self-

determination, able to set goals & take responsibility for actions

Why Does Authoritative Parenting Work?

• Control that appears fair and reasonable to the child is far more likely to be complied with and internalized

• Parents model caring concern as well as confident, self-controlled behavior

• Child internalizes emotion regulation skills, emotional and social understanding

• Strong and caring relationships provide basis for more effective reinforcement

Why Does Authoritative Parenting Work?

• Demands fit a child’s developmental level and ability to take responsibility for own behavior

• Children learn they are competent individuals who can do things successfully

• Fosters high self-esteem, cognitive development, and emotional maturity

Helping Parents Become Responsible

GOOD PARENT

• I must control– Rewards/punishes– Demands obedience– Tries to win

• I am superior– Pities child– Overprotects– Spoils– Shames– Acts self-righteous

RESPONSIBLE PARENT• Child can make

decisions– Permits choices– Encourages attempts– Accepts mistakes as

part of learning

• I am equal– Respects and believes

in child– Encourages

independence– Expects child to

contributeSTEP--Systematic Training for Effective Parenting, 1989, AGS

Good Parent

• I am entitled: you owe me– Over concerned with

fairness– Gives with strings

attached

• I must be perfect– Demands perfection – Finds fault– Over concerned with

what others think– Self-image depends on

child’s achievements

Responsible Parent

• I believe in mutual respect– Promotes equality– Encourages mutual

respect– Avoids making child

feel guilty

• I am human; courage to be imperfect– Sets realistic standards– Focuses on strengths– Is patient– Not concerned with

own imageSTEP--Systematic Training for Effective Parenting, 1989, AGS

Good Parent

• I don’t count. Others are more important than I– Overindulges– Become “slave”– Gives in to child’s

demands– Feels guilty about

saying no

Responsible Parent

• I believe all people are important– Encourages mutual

respect and contribution

– Refused to be doormat– Knows when to say no

STEP--Systematic Training for Effective Parenting, 1989, AGS

HOW TO ENCOURAGE

• SHOW CONFIDENCE– Give responsibility– Ask child’s opinion or advice– Avoid temptation to take over

• BUILD ON STRENGTHS– Acknowledge what child does well– Encourage taking the next step– Concentrate on improvement, not

perfection

• VALUE THE CHILD– Separate worth from accomplishments– Separate worth from misbehavior– Appreciate the child’s uniqueness

• STIMULATE INDEPENDENCE– Avoid pampering the child– Don’t do for child things he/she can do

for himself–Help child develop a sense of

independence

Tips to Enhance Communication

• Build the relationship first– Teens want parents to know them– Find out about interests first, issues

later

• Accept there will be things a teen doesn’t tell parents

• Teens want limits placed on them–Have clear communication about

negotiable and non-negotiable rulesoNon-negotiable: Health, safety, drugs and

alcohol, school attendance, respectoNegotiable: Curfew, phones, homework,

friendships

– Give responsibilitiesoTake care of their bodyoTake care of their possessionsoFamily choresoSchool work

• Teach problem solving– State the problem– State how parent feels about the

issue– Listen to how teen feels about

the issue– Brainstorm for solutions– Set up consequences– Time limit a trial run– Evaluate progress

• Spend time with teens– Value of family meals– Listen more than talk– Take them seriously– Give respect to get respect– Show an interest in having fun

The Typical Teen• Wants parents to know & respect him• Is troubled by peer pressure• Perceives the world through emotionally

charged lenses• Has very few time management skills• Likes the practical and social side of school• Wants limits placed on him• Often feels insecure and anxious about

growing up• Gets in trouble due to inexperience

When to Worry

• Drops out of school and/or social activities

• Spends all the time on computer or video games

• Increasing involvement with unhealthy risk taking

• Self injury• Weight loss/weight gain

When to Refer for Counseling

• Anytime a parent or child asks for a referral

• Moderate or severe depression with change in daily activities

• Suicidal ideation or intent• Suspected substance abuse• Loss of loved one, family discord,

social isolation• Self-injury

RISK ASSESSMENT

• 70% of adolescents are seen annually in primary care pediatric practice

• Teens are willing to talk about mental health issues

• Genetic factors play role in adolescent depression

• Depressed parent most potent risk factor• Adverse life events contribute to early

onset of depression

Keep Developmental Issues in Mind

• Recognize potential power of minor losses in life of a child

• Disturbances in mood, sleep, or appetite may be easier to discuss than peer relationships or school problems

• Chronic illness impacts teens differently

Tips for Parents of Teens

• Provide and encourage opportunities for healthy risk taking

• Eat dinner together at least 3 times a week

• Involve teens in decision-making

• Have as fewnon-negotiable rules as possible