what it means to be a mom today
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Gen Y Moms
Born be tw ee n the ye ars of 1981 & 2000
18 million Ge n Y mom s
Collabo rative, want to ac hieve succ ess overnight a nd viewthem selves p rivileged a nd spe c ial
They va lue e xpe riences and were b rought up in a world aroundcontrol/technology
They a re highly educ ate d in greater numbe rs than ever be fore
They have set out to red efine motherhood*THE US MOM M ARKET2010
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Wha t It Means To Be A Mom Today
It is as if before she wa s in her own b ubb le a nd whenbecoming a pa rent, she stepped out into the op enand bec am e foc used on muc h more than herself
There is so muc h p ressure o n w om en full stop - but the pe riod be tween birthand the first year just knoc ks you for six [rea lly imp ress you] in every way.
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Pressures Comes From Everywhere
VS.
MOM CULTURE
MOM
MOM
MOM
SELF
VS.
VS.
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MEDIA
DIY
GREEN
SOCIETY HAS CREATED ANIMAGE OF THE PERFECT MOM
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MEDIA IS PORTRAYING
PARENTING AS AN EASY,
GLAMOUROUS JOBMoms a re to assume tha t baby-minding is
pa inless, ea sy and c hea p (the d issona nce b etween thisand rea lity ma kes her fee l bad about herself)
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Twothirds
of mom sop t for crash
dietingafter giving birth*
*GURGLE.COM
59% of mom s blam eceleb rities who lose theirba by w eight quickly for
putting p ressure on them **GURGLE.COM
The med ia c ertainly triesto p ortray the imag e of
'pe rfec t pa rents' espec iallyusing c eleb s and TV Series. I
often wonder whetherpeo ple a re just like me
behind c losed doo rs andwhe ther I am rea lly as bad
a pa rent as I think I am*NETMUM S PEER PRESSURE PARENTING
REPORT, DECEMBER 2010
Media
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THE DOWNTURN OF THE
ECONOMY HAS FASHIONED
DO-IT-YOURSELF MOMSMom s are motivated by saving money in hard ec onomic times.
They a re ha ving to find ways to ho ld on to a standard of living by ma kingtradeo ffs for servic es they onc e turned to p rofessiona ls or brands for.
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Mo ms are surrounded by
do-it-yourself p rod uc ts andare emb rac ing this c hang e,whic h c an b ring added stress
to their a lrea dy busy lives
I stea m a nd puree fruits and veg eta b les, and they last for like four days.Ma son p retty m uch loves everything. I ga ve him red be ets, and it got all over hisfac e, which ma de the funniest p ic ture. He a lso loves swe et p ota toes, c arrots, and yam s.Som etime s I mix pureed pea c hes, pea rs, ba nanas, or app les with p lain yog urt or an a ll-natural organic jelly.
- KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN, PARENTING MAG AZINE, FEBRUARY 2011
Gen Y moms a re a part of a very
c an-do genera tion. They a reextremely self-suffic ient. If somethingdoes not work, they find a wa y to fix it.
*THE US MOM MARKET2010
More than 70% of moms who have bee n pregnant in the last 3 years have ma de their own baby foodGROWIG TREND: MORE MOMS MAKING HOM EMADE BABY FOOD FOR HEALTH, ECONOMIC BENEFITS, PR NEWSWIRE - JANUARY 2011
Do-It-Yourself (DIY)
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MOTHERHOOD HAS
BECOME A KEY MOTIVATOR
IN WOMEN GOING GREENChildb irth c aused mo ms to ma ke drastic c hanges in their lives; due to theconc ern o f sa fety issues caused by toxic p rod uc ts that could b e found in
their home or b roa der environmenta l imp lica tions baby will be b roug ht up in.
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Green
Tod ays mom c ares ab out theenvironment, but a lso b a lanc ing
the rea lities of jugg ling a ca reer,fam ily, home and the d esire to live in
an ec o-aw are, sustainable life.
For mom s, the mo veme ntto a natural and go od
earth can be summedup in one sentenc e:"greening is a goo d
thing if it is ea syfor me to do ".Moms wantit Eco-Easy.
Mom is pragmatic a boutliving g reen. She will buybe tter for you and theea rth if it doe s not c ost
more, take more timeor she feels it will
truly ma ke adifference.
Mo st of the semom s are g oing
green due tofamily, not
environmentalcauses
THE US MOM MARKET 2010
*THE GREEN MOMECO-COSM: A
SOCIAL STUDY INTO
THEIR MOTIVATIONS,CO NVICTIONS ANDINFLUENCES, 2011
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INFORMATION PROCESS
MOLDING EXCEPTIONAL CHILDREN
THE BREADTH OF INFORMATION OUTTHERE FOR MOMS, BY MOMS CREATES
A COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT
PARENTING STYLES
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MOMS SEEK OUT INFORMATION
FROM OTHER MOMS, LEADING
TO A SENSE OF FAILUREIt is in the day-to-day c onta c t within c ommunities, family and friend s tha t moms canoften feel most vulnerab le. Som e mothe rs end up fee ling inad eq uate, while others
put p ressure on themselves; fee ling stressed tha t they c annot do everything right.
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The Information Cyc le
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The Information Cyc le
Just ha ving m ore friends isa g rea t help. When I do
c hat to othe r moms I find Iam just the sam e as them
and worrying a bo ut thesame things.
The p ressure to c onfo rm to wha teveryone e lse is do ing a nd d icta ting isintense. We ofte n end up feeling likethere is som eth ing wrong with us if wha twe experienc e or what w e re d oingdevia tes a t a ll from the no rm. We soonlea rn to doub t our own intuition and
judgment. *WOMEN REVEAL HOW THEY REALLY FEELABOUTMO THERHOOD, THEAUTHENTICM OM .COM, 2010
I found the internetrea lly useful for find ing out
informa tion - espec ially when it'slate a t night and too late to c all afriend , or it's something yo u don't
want to d isc uss with a friend .*NETMUM S PEER PRESSURE
PARENTING REPORT,
DECEMBER 2010
Gen Y moms are muc h more a ttac hed to mediathat c onnec ts them to other moms online - such as
internet c omm unities, b logs and video -sha ring sites -suggesting the y p refe r to rely on p ee rs ra ther than
experts to help them parent, ac c ording to a study.**G EN X AND GEN Y MOMS USE INTERNETDIFFERENTLY,
MARKETING CHARTS.COM - DSEPTEMBER 2008
Wome n with children highly value c onve rsat ions
with other moms when seeking ad vice a nd
informa tion abo ut new produc ts.**DIGITAL MOM, RAZORFISH & CAFEMOM STUDY, 2010
Most w ome n c omp ared themselves with the mo ms that they a re m ost in
co ntac t with on a da y to da y ba sis, with 3/ 4 of those who m ad e
c om pa risons saying t hey c om pa red them selves with their mo m-friend s
Gen Y moms Crave soc ial cha nge , see t hem selvesas pa rt. They tend to have muc h higher atta c hment
to interactive tools like blogs, social networking sites,
and vide o sharing that a llow them to c onnec t
direct ly with othe r mo ms.*ARE YOU AN X OR A Y MOM?, WMAG - SEPTEMBER 2008
NETMUMS PEER PRESSURE PARENTING REPORT, DECEMBER 2010
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MOMS ARE FEELING
PRESSURE TO MOLD
EXCEPTIONAL CHILDRENSoc iety tha t is ob sessed with sta tus and fixa ted on perfec t performance and
achievement. This tric kles down into the pa rent ing rea lm. This compet itive, high p ressureenvironment is c ausing women to feel overwhe lmed, anxious and exhausted .
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Mo ld ing Exc ep tiona l Child ren
Educationcontinuesto be the
#1concernfor moms
Getting infants/ tod d lers in the b estenric hment program s
+Ensuring they a ttend the rightpreschools
+Involving them in the p rop er
activities
+
Orchestrating their lives=
A guarantee ac ce ptanc e into thebe st co lleg es, pa ving the wa y to
the best jobs and lifestyles
ACHIEVEMENT AND PRESSUE AREFELT IN ALL TOO FAMILIAR FORMS
"The scho ol system is so o bv iously broken," said one mom, e c hoingma ny othe rs who said t heir number-one c onc ern is ma king sure their
kids get the e duc ation and op portunities to me et the ir po tential.*THE BESTAND WORSTTHINGSABOUT BEING A M OM TODAY - BABYCENTER - MARCH 2008
SO IT SEEMS WE HAVE DEVISED A NEWTORTURE FOR MOTHERS A SET OF
EXPECTATIONS THAT MAKES THEM FEELINADEQUATE NO MATTER HOW
PASSIONATELY THEY ATTEND TO THEIRCHILDREN.
"Moms these days dea l with load s of 'mo m g uilt' bec ause of the things
we 're a ll expec ted to ha ve o r give our children," one mo m said. "Thatinclud es ma teria l things but a lso nonmateria l things like the b esteducation, the best social life, the best travel and cultural experiences.
*THE BESTAND WORSTTHINGS ABOUTBEING A M OM TODAY - BABYCENTER - MARCH 2008
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MOMS FACE ANINNER-STRUGGLE BECOMING THE
BEST MOMS THEY CAN BE
SELF-IDENTITY
CAREER
FREE TIME
RELATIONSHIPS
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MOST WOMEN STRUGGLE
WITH IDENTITY ISSUES UPON
BECOMING PARENTSMa ny women find they have subsumed themselves in their role a s mo thers
to suc h a grea t extent, they have d rifted fa r from their c ore selves. Fully immersedin the lives of their c hild ren, they find it d iffic ult to focus on their own need s.
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Self Identity
Most wom en struggle to som e extent with ident ity issues uponbec oming pa rents; they typica lly confront the loss of a utonomy and
va rious aspec ts of self, enormous lifestyle c ha nges and shifts inprofessiona l sta tus. This p rocess is exac erbated by a soc iety tha t
enc ourages women to sub jugate the ir needs to those o f their child ren.
Inundated with a huge numb er of c omp eting d ema nds, mo thers c omm only
repo rt tha t the ir nee ds c om e last. This scena rio is often experienced as a zero-sum g am e: m ore time de voted to self-c are m ea ns less time ad dressing the
need s of the household , espe c ia lly the c hildren.
Many women discove r that their sense of self bec om es
fused with their role as mother. Conseq uently, maternal self-worth bec omes inextricably linked with c hildrens
comp etencies and ac hieveme nts.
THE AUTHENTIC M OM - WOMEN REVEAL HOW THEYREALLYFEEL ABOUT MOTHERHOOD
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More rec ently, many women find they have subsumed themselves intheir role a s mothers to suc h a grea t extent, they ha ve d rifted far fromthe ir c ore selves. Fully immersed in the lives of the ir c hild ren, women
find it d iffic ult to foc us on their own needs.
BALANCINGA
CAREERWhile the Gen X mom struggled to strike the right work-life b a lanc e,
Gen Y Moms tac kle life ho listic a lly and a re d etermined to ma ke it wo rk for them
Ca reer oriented w orking
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Career
When I do think of q uitting, itsalmost never to stay ho me w ith my
two kids. Instea d, I think ab outpursuing something new or maybefreelanc ing so I could set my o wnhours and wo rk on just the things I
really like (thats also a fantasy; mostfreelancers do plenty that is gearedto simp ly pa ying the bills). But e venthen, I snap out of it. I thrive on t he
stimulation of an office.
The w ay w ome n view the ir employme nt situation has enormous implications for their attitudesab out w ork and life. When w ome n self-ide ntify themselves as having a ca reer, they report
be ing more satisfied a nd feeling more p ositive in eve ry area .
It is estimate d 7 out of 10 mom s with c hildren ove r 1 yea rs old work toda y.
The do wnside forcareer-oriented
mo ms is tha t the y
are m ore likely to
feel they can t get
aw ay from w ork,
and mo re likely to
think that m ana gers
and c o-workers
que stion the ir
commitment.
Ca reer-oriented w orkingmo thers are also more
satisfied with their decision towo rk, the op po rtunity theyhave to de velop skills, the
level of respe c t they p erceiveat work, and the supp ort they
ge t from their ma nag ers inmeeting family and home
de ma nds. Plus, they are m orelikely to rep ort fee ling
hea lthy, tha t their life is inba lanc e and that their workfulfills a h ighe r purpo se tha n
just making money.
Im c ontem plating q uitting and I am b eg inning to b elieve, as I go over and ove r the
ad vanta ge s/d isadva nta ges in my mind, that m ayb e the g rass is just a d ifferent shade o fthe same green. You ve p ut your finge r on it just right . I wa sn t a b le to think it out so c onc isely! T
little time I have fo r myself (at wo rk and on assignme nts) will a ll be g one , I keep telling m yself
They p rojec t ma nag e the ir lives, making time for fam ily but a lways
keep ing ca reer on the front b urner. Not wo rking is not ev en a n op tion.
These w om en ha ve m uc h to o ffer com pa nies. They a re supe r effic ient
and foc used , and c an p ac k 10 hours of wo rk into a five-hour da y
80% of w ome n worked during the month they w ere supp osed to g ive birth in com pa rison to 35%in 1960's
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MAINTAING FULFILLED
RELATIONSHIPS
Women a re often shoc ked to d isc over that the c hallengesof pa renthood c an result in grea ter ma rita l c onflic t ra ther
than the strengthening o f the bond they expec ted .
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Relationships
THE AUTHENTIC M OM - WOMEN REVEAL HOW THEYREALLYFEEL ABOUT MOTHERHOOD
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More rec ently, many women find they have subsumed themselves in the ir role a s mo thersto suc h a grea t extent, they have d rifted fa r from their c ore selves. Fully immersed
in the lives of the ir c hild ren, women find it d iffic ult to focus on their own need s.
MOM IS FINDING THAT
SHE HAS VERY LITTLE
FREE TIME, IF ANY AT ALL
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Time For Herself
Im going tomorrow to a c tually try on some c lothes
in a real store for the first time in 2 years. Im amedioc re m other like the vast majority o f women,because Im human, Im not a she-c at.
Hav ing more time for myself so I would be ab le torecharge batteries and have fresh and open mind.
If you a re b usy ra ising c hild ren w ithout soc ietal he lp andtrying to ea rn a living d uring a recession, you d on't ha vemuc h time to question and c hange the world that youand your children inhabit. Wha t e xhausted , overworked
parent has time to protest under such conditions?
Moms may
be moms, butthey are alsowomen withinterests
beyondparenting.
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The Truth of The Matter Is
MOMS TAKE THESE PATHS ANDREALIZE THEYLL NEVER ACHIEVETHE SUCCESS DEFINED BY THIS
PERFECTION...
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QUOTES ABOUT THIS FRUSTRATION
Parents have very high expec tations of themselves, and it is notsurprising that we are a ll driven by a natural desire to want to d oour best for our children. Most pa rents are striving to rea ch an
idea l of a happy fam ily life, but the p ressures they face can bevery great, and expec tations are som etimes unrea listic.
There is no suc h thing as a
'pe rfec t' pa rent. There a reso m any d ifferent wa ys ofra ising c hild ren and youcan only rea lly know ifyou've done a good jobuntil they a re a dultsthemselves. All you c an d ois try your best a nd loveyour child ren. Som etimesyou have to make d iffic ultdec isions tha t make youfeel like a b ad pa rent (e.g.sleep tra ining/ c ontrolled
c rying) but you have toknow tha t this is the best forthem in the long run. If theyturn out ok in the end,you've done a good job .
It is very ha rd to adm it you find it so ha rd, so Ijust put a front on it and keep quiet. I feelasham ed I can't manage it all as well as
others do . I have no one to tell how ha rd it is.
Being a pe rfec t pa rent is impossible.
DEEP DOWN MOM KNOWS PERFECTION IS UNATTAINABLE/ IMPOSSIBLE
NETMUMS PEER PRESSURE PARENTING REPORT, DECEMBER 2010
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SHE NEEDS TO REALIZE ITS OKAY TO
FOCUS ON HERSELF TO BE THE BEST MOM
Solution
It's important to understandthat just bec ause they ha vehad c hildren doe sn't meanthey have c hanged their
out look, ac tivities, or pe rsona lbe liefs -- they have just ad ded
"baby" to the mix. Being aparent is only one p art of whothey a re a nd it co -exists with
everything e lse they emb od y.The re is less separation
betwe en "momm y time ," "wo rktime" and "me time," but rathe ra mo re infused state where allof the ir passions and interests
co me together.