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These will help the overall grade :

(1) ATTENTION GRABBING INTRODUCTION

(2) VARIED DISCOURSE MARKERS

(3) SUCCINCT CONCLUSION

(4) LESS MECHANISTIC APPROACH

Sample Writing (based on Examiners Report for 2012 A-Levels) :

If music be the food of love, then play on, wrote Shakespeare. In

Singapore, music is not just the food for love, but it carries out other functions,

many of which have been raised by the writer. Yet, the development of local music

has not taken off with astounding success. As such, while I agree with most of the

writers views, there are a few that do not reflect my observations of Singapore

society.

The writers citing of music as a means of healing is evident in my society.

Music is fantastic way to put a person in a good mood to start the day, or unwind

and drown out stress at the end of the day. Hence, unsurprisingly, many people

out their headphones on to listen to music while on the train on bus, and many

drivers turn the car stereo on while on the road. More specifically music and

movement as a therapy approach is established for people with disabilities. In

Singapore, the schools for the intellectually disabled or severely autistic children

help tediously prepare their young charges for dance or singing performances.

These items could seem simple for the layman, but are essential for such childrento stretch their potential and achieve a new milestone that is part of the healing

process for both the children and their family of caregivers.

Beyond specific categories of people, the writer puts forth that even the

nation can benefit from music that promotes patriotism. This view does not apply

to everyone for all occasions. The quality of the music and the context in which it

is played also have an impact on whether music can nurture patriotism. I do not

think the daily singing of the anthem by bleary-eyed students can hardly

contribute to patriotism as much as the anthem sung on very special occasions

such National Day celebrations or military National Service ceremonies. It has evenbeen sung with conviction during anti-government demonstrations (twice in 2013

at Hong Lim Park protests).

Another point of the writer that I find contentious is his claim that musicians

today are affluent and respected. What he describes seems to be the reality of the

music industry in other countries, but not in Singapore. We seem to have more

Mozarts here plying their trade with cover versions of Western songs in night

clubs than accomplished megastars for several reasons. One being that the

market is too small, hence even Singapores few best talents have had to leave the

country to seek their fortunes in bigger markets. Kit Chan, JJ Lin and Stephanie Sun

are Singapores regional successes who braved the fiercely competitive Taiwanese

and Chinese markets. The next reason is that young people (and their parents)

have generally not embraced music as a sustainable career, many choosing to

play or sing casually instead because it does not connote the same social or

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economic status as traditional professions in medicine, law, business or

engineering.

Yet, all things considered, the potential of music in my society is still

immense. As society evolves and becomes more open to ideas, the benefits of

music could be even more significant than ever.