well aquainted with grief

8/10/2019 Well Aquainted With Grief

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Grieving in

Hope


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But we do not want you to be

uninformed, brethren, about thosewho are asleep, so that you will not

grieve as do the rest who have no

hope.1 Thessalonians 4:13 (NASB)


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Before I begin I would like to give

testimony to the marvelous timing of

God. It was several months ago, after I

had spoken with a young woman in our

congregation who was deeply grievingthe loss of her mother that I thought my

next sermon would be for her. I have

spoken of grief several times before butnever in our congregation as the entire

subject of a talk.


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My last sermon, however, came during the

crisis between Israel and Gaza. I felt to

speak on God`s love for Israel.

But I still felt in my heart that my next one

would be about grieving in hope. I could nothave imagined that only a few days before I

would share this already planned message

that I would walk through one of the greatestlosses of my life in the death of my precious

mother-in-law, my second best friend in the

universe.


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As I have revisited these timeless truths

which God has shown me over a span of

many years, I have found that they are aslifegiving today as they were the day they

were first given to me.

It is my prayer that you will find comfort as I

share with you what God has imparted to my

soul which has brought me so much comfortthroughout my life but especially in the last

two weeks.


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I have never heard a full sermon

on grief except the ones I havepreached. I can say, however, I

have heard more references to

grieving here in this church than

anywhere else. A while back

Martin shared about the comfortGod had given him about his

grandmothers death.


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I dont know if you have noticed but

he has shared many veryvulnerable aspects of his life with

us. So has Howard. So has Harvey.

So has Miriam. So have otherleaders in our congregation. There

is something about this we need to

understand. It is not the norm for

leaders to do this.


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Unfortunately it is very rare to find

leaders who share not only theirstrengths but also their vulnerability.

One of the main reasons I know I

can trust the leadership of ourchurch is that they do share their

struggles, weaknesses, failures and

grief openly with us.


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Why does that so impress me?

Because it is the image of Jesus in

their lives.

Listen to what Isaiah said about him

hundreds of years before he

humbled himself and became a

human.


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Who has believed our message? And to whom has

the arm of the LORDbeen revealed? 2 For He grew

up before Him like a tender shoot, And like a rootout of parched ground; He has no statelyform or

majesty That we should look upon Him, Nor

appearance that we should be attracted to Him.

3 He was despised and forsaken of men, A man ofsorrows and acquainted with grief; And like one

from whom men hide their face He was despised,

and we did not esteem Him. 4 Surely our griefs He

Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried; . . . .

Isaiah 53:1-4 (NASB)


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But He was pierced through for our

transgressions, He was crushed for our

iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fellupon Him, And by His scourging we are healed.6All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of

us has turned to his own way; But the LORD

hascaused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him.

Isaiah 53:5-6 (NASB)


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As I read this amazing prophetic picture

of Jesus, I am struck with the emphasis

on his vulnerability.

He was, A man of sorrows andacquainted with grief

What a gift Isaiah proclaims came to usthrough Jesus in saying, Surely our

griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows

He carried


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Our saviour went through

terrible grief for us. Yet we speakso little about it. The lack of time

given the subject in the pulpit

tells us it is not a popular theme.

Why not?


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I believe one reason is

that even hearing the wordgrief stirs up memories

and emotions that we allfind difficult at best,

unbearable at worst.


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Whether it is the loss of a

person we loved throughdeath or the loss of

someone we cherishedwhile they still live, all loss

in human relationship putsus into a state of grief.


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Grief can be experienced

through the loss ofanything, a job, a pet, a

material thing, anopportunity. . . .


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The Bible says there are two

kinds of grief. We grieve in hopeor we grieve in hopelessness.

When we grieve in hope the fruit

of our grief ultimately brings joy

out of even unbearable pain.


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Hopeless grief always leaves

a mark on our soul. Thoughothers may not see it, grief in

a heart that does not havehope eats away inside of us

like acid. We are never farfrom its power to rob, kill and

destroy.


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For those who grieve in hope, the

depth of the grief may be the sameor even greater than those who

grieve hopelessly.

It is not the depth or the pain of our

grief that determines its effect in

our lives. It is the hope through

which we experience it.


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But we do not want you to be

uninformed, brethren, about thosewho are asleep, so that you will not

grieve as do the rest who have no

hope.1 Thessalonians 4:13 (NASB)


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Even as I am saying these things many

of us are remembering losses that we

may still feel helpless to face, much

less to resolve.

As pastors we often find ourselves

unable to face or resolve our own grief.

How can we be expected to lead ourpeople into a resolution we ourselves

cannot find? So we go silent.


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Today I know very well that I will be

touching areas in some of your lives

that may awaken feelings you may want

to let slumber.

I would ask you to give me an

opportunity, as one who has walked

through this valley of the shadow ofdeath as you have, to share some of

what God has done to help me come

out alive.


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None of us will escape life

without pain. And the result ofpain will be grief. In our first

passage Paul did not say we

would not grieve. He said we

should not grieve like those who

have no hope.


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Gods wayin Grief


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Our failure to know, understand and follow

Gods way in the process of grief has left

many of us alone and alienated even fromGod.

My people perish from a lack of knowledge.Hosea 4: 6 (KJV)

But God does not desire us to perish ingrief. Far from it. God wants us to find His

power to not only comfort us in our grief but

to redeem it fully.


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So lets begin our look a Gods way

in grief by looking at thecharacteristics of hopeless grief.

One primary mental and emotionalresult from unresolved grief is the

feeling of almost infinite aloneness.

Out of that feeling grows many

others.


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The heart knows its own bitterness, And

a stranger does not share its joy.

Proverbs 14:10 (NASB)

The word bitterness here is a

description of three results of hopeless

grief. The Hebrew word is marat.

The root

MAR meansbitterness, suffering, or affliction.

Hopeless grief produces all three in

our lives.


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Of these three, I have

found that the clearestexpression of hopeless

grieving is bitterness.


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I have seen that when we feel, helpless,

abandoned, betrayed or alone we can

let our hope be destroyed and we will

feel bitter.

Hope deferred makes the heart

sick, But desire fulfilled is a tree

of life.

Proverbs 13:12 (NASB)


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King Davids grandmother three

generations removed was namedNaomi. Because of a terrible

drought Naomi had to leave Israel

her homeland to go to Moab just tokeep from starving. In Moab she

lost, in a slow progression of death,

first her husband, then one son and

finally her last son.


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Anyone understanding the middle East

at that time knows that when she lost

her male relatives she also lost

everything they owned. Women did not

inherit property. All she had left were

her clothes and two daughters-in-law.

Since she could no longer support

herself in Moab she went back to Israelwith her sons wives. On the way there

even one of the daughters-in-law left

her.


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Here is the story after she arrived to her home

town.

On their arrival there, the whole town was excited

about them, and the women asked: Can this be

Naomi? 20 But she said to them, Do not call me

Naomi [Sweet]. Call me Mara [Bitter], for theAlmighty has made my life very bitter. 21 I went

away full, but the LORDhas brought me back

empty. Why should you call me Sweet, since the

LORDhas brought me to trial, and the Almighty haspronounced evil sentence on me.

Ruth 1:19-21 (NABRE)


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Naomi wanted to be called Mara, the

same Hebrew word we discussed

earlier - Bitter.

She wanted to be called this because in

her mind she was left alone and in

financial ruin.

I went away full, but the LORDhas

brought me back empty.


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She felt God had not only left her

without help, but that He was theultimate cause of her misery.

Why should you call me Sweet, sincethe LORDhas brought me to trial, and

the Almighty has pronounced evil

sentence on me.


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I do not want to trivialize this. Her

tragic story of loss happened to areal woman. It has been repeated

millions of times throughout history.

It has happened in a lesser orgreater way in all our lives. We

cannot go through life without

experiencing it to some degree.


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Sweet Naomi, in the midst of her

inconsolable grief lost hope as she felt

herself to be completely alone and

forsaken even by God.

As a result of her hopeless grief she

became bitter.

Her chosen identity became Mara

Bitter.


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This is what the enemy of God and

our souls wants to do to everyone.He wants us to believe that we are

alone. He wants us to feel that no

one is there for us in this horribleplace. He wants to turn a sweet

heart bitter which will not only

poison us but everyone else we

touch.


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Some of you today know exactly

what she felt. In the depth of yourheart, perhaps in a very secret

place where no one knows but you,

you have lost hope. You know thatthe pain is still there but it has been

covered in an armor of bitterness so

thick that nothing can penetrate it.


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At the same time you know that the

armor you put on to protect yourselffrom further pain has become a

prison. It binds you. It does not

allow for you to express the loveyou really feel for others. It does not

let you love again. And it continually

reinforces the thought you are

hopeless, forsaken and most of all,

alone.


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Having lived in that same prison for

so many years I want to call youforth from it today. Like Jesus called

forth his friend Lazarus, I want to

call you forth from the prison ofhopelessness and the tomb of

bitterness.


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I am calling you today to no longer

grieve hopelessly but to grieve in

hope.

That is when the pain will findresolution and the armor of

bitterness will fall off.

The first principle of grieving in hope

is to know that you are not alone.


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You areNever Alone


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Naomi felt herself to be completely

alone but she was not.

There was one person who

remained faithfully there throughoutthe darkest moments of her journey

through the shadowlands. It was a

young woman named Ruth, her

daughter-in-law.


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Listen to Ruths declaration she

made to Naomi but hear it as Godspeaking to you:


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But Ruth said, Do not press me to go back

and abandon you!

Wherever you go I will go,wherever you lodge I will lodge.

Your people shall be my people

and your God, my God.17 Where you die I will die,

and there be buried.

May the LORDdo thus to me, and more, if

even death separates me from you!

Ruth 1:16-17 (NABRE)


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Ruth is a picture of God to us in the

midst of grief. Her commitment tobe with Naomi no matter what can

give us great comfort in the midst of

our grief if we will let it.

God is even more committed to be

with us through our times of pain

and sorrow than Ruth was to

Naomi.


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In the midst of the most difficult moments of

our lives we must remember that Jesus has

said he will be there with and for us.

He Himself has said, I WILL

NEVERDESERTYOU, NORWILLIEVERFORSAKEYOU,

Hebrews 13:5 (NASB)


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I have found that many people

misunderstand the nature of grief as a

Christian. The wrongly think they are tosimply put on a happy face since Jesus has

overcome the grave. Many clichs are

passed out in our attempt to comfort othersand in our own discomfort with emotions of

sadness. Underneath many of those clichs

are truths but they have come to mean

something different than they first expressed.

To say, Jesus is with us can be the clich of

clichs if we are not careful.


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The truth that it expresses, however, is one

of the most powerful ways that we will find

our grief resolved in a positive and healthyway.


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That truth is not so

difficult for us to

understand.This is my little

granddaughter

Esmerelda. I havethe wonderful privilege of caring for her.

Anyone who has cared for a child knows that

sometimes no matter what you do they areinconsolable. They cry for what seems to be

no reason. I find that Ezzie does this most at

bed time.


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But I have found one

thing helps her in her

sorrow. After I doeverything possible

to comfort her, I will

lay beside her bedand put my hand into her crib and hold her

hand. Soon she quiets and soon she falls

asleep. It is not that I have to change hercircumstances to comfort her. What she

really wants to feel is that I am with her.


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Trusting God

in our Grief


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C. S. Lewis in his

time of grief over the

death of his beloved

Joy found himself

wrestling with this

thought. On his firstreturn to his faculty

dinner after she died

the conversationwent like this:


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C.S. - I wasn't going to come, but then I thought I

would.

Christopher, Life must go on.C.S. I don't know that it must, but it certainly does.

Christopher, I'm sorry, Jack.

C.S. Thank you, Christopher.

Christopher, We're all deeply sorry.C.S. Thank you.

Christopher, Anything I can do?

C.S. - Yes, just don't tell me it's all for the best,

that's all.His pastor - Only God knows why these things

have to happen, Jack.


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C.S. God knows, but does God care?

Christopher, Of course. We see so littlehere. We're not the creator. We're the

creatures, aren't we?

C.S. We're the rats in the cosmic laboratory.

I've no doubt the experiment is for our own

good, but... it still makes God the

vivisectionist, doesn't it? It won't do. It's this

bloody awful mess, and that's all there is to

it.


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Being honest is not the same as speaking the truth.

The truth is God deeply cares.

He is not the one who brought death on humanity

While His sovereignty will triumph over death one

day it still has its sting today.

It is not, nor has ever been his will. He did not want

the first person on earth to die. Nor will he want the

last person on earth to die.

But hopeless grief can tell us that God is the cause

of our pain and we can believe it.


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When it does we must be honest but we must also

be willing to believe what God says about himself.

Jesus is God in a human body. What he did is what

the Father does. The way he responded was the

way the Father responds. We must let that truth go

deep into our hearts lest we ever think that God theFather is, as Lewis felt, some aloof vivisectionist

who has no heart for us.

A story of Jesus raising a dead man to life gives usa glimpse into what the Fathers heart is for us in

our grief.


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Jesus was special friends with two sisters and a

brother. The sisters were Mary and Martha. The

brother was Lazarus. Jesus was in the northernpart of Israel when messengers came to call him to

come quickly because Lazarus was very ill. It is so

puzzling that instead of coming right away, he

stayed where he was for a few more days. Finallyhe told his followers he was going to go to Lazarus

and wake him up from sleep. They thought it was

strange that he would go so far just to wake him

up. He then told them Lazarus was dead. And thenhe said an almost heartless sounding thing. He

said he was glad he was not there to heal him.


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While I am sure many people

interpret this part of the story ina different way, I believe it

shows Jesus has a greater plan

in our lives than fixing our

situation. In this, God may seem

heartless. He does not alwayscorrect that impression.


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C.S. Lewis, for a time in his grief, had

his heart revealed as to what he really

thought God was like. And God did notchallenge those thoughts by making

everything right.

He sometimes does let our own

thoughts remain without a response, or

one we might think heartless, to show

us our own lack of trust in him.


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When we face these moments of

our deepest loss we find out what

we really believe. And Jesus does

not hinder us from finding that out

by false comfort. I believe this is asevere mercy.

Because of our tendency to place

our hope in circumstances, he maygive no answer to our questions

except to trust him.


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Jesus knows that the only place of sure

hope we have is to trust in him alone.

John 11:14 So Jesus then said to

them plainly, "Lazarus is dead, andI am glad for your sakes that I was

not there, so that you may

believe; . . . ."


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Remember the last time I preached? I

spoke of how Jesus purposefully acted

in a way toward a woman whose childwas dying that seemed absolutely cruel.

But what happened was the woman

walked right through her pride and right

into true faith. In the end her child was

healed and she had one of the greatest

commendations of faith Jesus gave any

one. Oh woman, great is your faith.


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In the process of him tearing

our hearts away from trustingcircumstances to trusting him,

we must believe that thissevere mercy comes from a

heart of infinite compassion.


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Martha therefore, when she heard that Jesus

was coming, went to meet Him, but Mary

stayed at the house. 21 Martha then said toJesus, "Lord, if You had been here, my

brother would not have died. 22 "Even now I

know that whatever You ask of God, God willgive You. 23 Jesus said to her, "Your brother

will rise again. 24 Martha said to Him, "I

know that he will rise again in the

resurrection on the last day.John 11:19-24


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Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the

life; he who believes in Me will live even if he dies,

26 and everyone who lives and believes in Me willnever die. Do you believe this? 27 She said to

Him, "Yes, Lord; I have believed that You are the

Christ, the Son of God, even He who comes into

the world. 28 When she had said this, she wentaway and called Mary her sister, saying secretly,

"The Teacher is here and is calling for you. 29And

when she heard it, she got up quickly and was

coming to Him. . . .John 11:25-30


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Jesus wept.


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Th h h k f ll ll th t i l f


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Though he knew full well that in only a few

moments their sorrow would be turned to

absolute stunning joy when his Father wouldhear his voice and his deeply loved friend

would walk out of the grave.

Still, he honored Mary and Marthas grief by

entering into it with them. He wept with them.

Thi i h k f ki th


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This is how we keep from making the

awesome truths about the resurrection and

the life to come from being empty clichs.

We, Weep with those who weep.

I think the greatest revelation for Mary and

Martha that day was not that Jesus could

raise the dead. I think the greatest revelation

was that he loved them so much that it drew

him into their grief.

Th h th i i f h d hidd it hi h t


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Though their grief had hidden it, his heart

was always with them.

He wanted them to know without doubt his

presence in their lives was always there

even when his physical body was not.

We need not walk the valley of the shadow

of death alone. Jesus tears reveal the heart

whose hand we can trust to lead us safely

through the darkest night.

G d i t l ith i ll f th


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God is not only with us in valley of the

shadow of death. He grieves with us. He not

only gives us permission to grieve, he joinswith us. He is touched with the feelings of

our vulnerability.

For we do not have a high priest who cannot

sympathize with our weaknesses, but One

who has been tempted in all things as we

are, yetwithout sin.Hebrews 4:15 (NASB)


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T d t k i i id i d f


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Today we partake in a vivid reminder of

these two truths. I have chosen for us to

take communion at this time in theservice, during the sermon, to

emphasize what Jesus did for us on the

cross. He gave his life to save us and

all those we love from death. No matter

what we may feel, what we do in this

remembrance meal tells us we are not

alone and we are loved immensely.


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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfveawSAHJA

Th t i i l h f t d
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These two principles have comforted

and guided me through many days of

grief. They have helped me to grievewith hope.

Building on these two foundationaltruths I have found other important

truths and practical ways to apply them.


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Not long after I became a Christian I visited an old


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Not long after I became a Christian I visited an old

man in a rest home in Broken Arrow, a small village

just out of Tulsa, Oklahoma. The old mans namewas Thomas Terry. He was my paternal

grandfather. His life story was one of continual

pain. He was a wood worker. His finest

craftsmanship was displayed in the violins hemade. In the years known as the Dust Bowl in

Oklahoma he could not sell his violins so he built

wooden oil dereks to pump the oil from the ground

where oil was first discovered in America. Oneterrible day when he was working alone the derek

collapsed crushing one hand completely and

leaving his other hand with only two fingers.

Only a few weeks later because of the loss


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Only a few weeks later, because of the loss

of his ability to provide for his family, his wife

and eight children deserted him. They wentto California along with thousands of other

Okies. He spent the rest of his life alone

with only an occasional visit from my fatherand another son.

When I came to visit him my heart was

touched with such a love for him that I

decided to move to Tulsa and care for him as

best I could.

I did so for several years During that time I


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I did so for several years. During that time I

came to love him like I had never loved

anyone. This was one of the significant waysthat God began to build His love in me. Not

through teaching or doctrine but by

expressing his love through me.

Those years were so wonderful. I never

thought they would end. But one day as I

was preparing to go to Israel for the summer,

God asked me to do the hardest thing I had

ever done.

I had come to the nursing home to say


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I had come to the nursing home to say

goodbye for two months. As I was

holding those beautiful hands that stilltestified to the cost he paid to care for

his family, God said,

Give him to me.

I knew what he meant. And I did not

want to do it.

As I thought about what God was asking me


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As I thought about what God was asking me

it was as if he said, I have kept him until

now for you. All that he has suffered beforein his life brought him and you together for

these precious years. You led him to me but

now you must trust me to care for him whenyou cannot. I will take care of him. Give him

to me.

I knew God loved him even more than I did

and I also knew that he would be so much

happier with Jesus.


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I still grieve that parting And it is right that I


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I still grieve that parting. And it is right that I

do so. But I do not grieve without hope.

I know that Jesus was with my grandfatheralways.

I know that Jesus loves him even more than I

do.I know my love for him would never harm

him but always care for him. So I know the

same about Jesus since I know it was him

who put that love in my heart in the first

place.

Th i th i t f


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The pain then is part of

the happiness now. That'sthe deal.

Joy Davidman-Gresham, C.S. Lewis`s wife.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrXU3oZEqiA

The issue of pain is a mystery Why would a
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The issue of pain is a mystery. Why would a

God who cares about us allow us to suffer?

Why would a God who is said to be all

powerful allow circumstances in our lives that

harm us not only in our bodies but leave usdevastated internally?

I do not intend to answer those questions

and frankly I do not have the answers even

in my own mind.

What I do have is what God has shared with


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What I do have is what God has shared with

me in those times.

While it will not always be so, in the present

age joy and grief are inextricably linked.

When we love we will certainly one day

grieve. This mystery seems cruel if we do not

have hope in Jesus. But no matter how we

look at it, it is true. The more you lovesomeone the more you will hurt when they

are gone.

This linking of Joy and Suffering in relationship is


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This linking of Joy and Suffering in relationship is

the principle of the cross.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so

great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every

weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us,

and let us run with endurance the race that is setbefore us, 2 looking unto Jesus, the author and

finisher of ourfaith, who for the joy that was set

before Him endured the cross, despising the

shame, and has sat down at the right hand of thethrone of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2 (NKJV)

The deeper the bond in a relationship the


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The deeper the bond in a relationship the

greater the sorrow will be in their loss.

I have found that if we try to stop the pain we

at the same time stop the joy.

I have seen many people when faced with a

deep loss make a commitment to never

allow their hearts to love in that way again.

That is the beginning of a life of continualsorrow. It often leads to addiction. I know

that all to well.

During the earliest years of my life my mom was


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During the earliest years of my life, my mom was

continually running away from my dad who in his

jealousy had become abusive to her. She would

put my younger brother and I in the back seat of

the car where we ate and slept for days until we

were far enough away that dad couldnt find us.

Ill never forget one of the last times we saw dad.He had kidnapped us at gunpoint with the getaway

car parked just down the street. I felt such terror as

the car careened uncontrollably, tires screeching

and the passenger door swinging open. I fellheadlong onto the pavement and watched the rear

tire miss my face by inches. That event marked the

end of their marriage and a life of pain for us boys.

I think my deepest pain was not having a dad. The


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I think my deepest pain was not having a dad. The

pain of dads departure was felt over and over in so

many different ways. I never knew when it would

rear its ugly head and taunt me with words like,

You dont have a dad. One summer I walked

several miles to an electronic exhibition at the fair

grounds. When I reached the entry gate I wasasked, Wheres your dad, Sonny?

I dont have one now. I replied.

Sorry, but you have to have a dad to get in.

Eventually the rejection and anger turned into ahard, cold, emotionless knot in the pit of my

stomach.

After I came to know Jesus I found great joy in my


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After I came to know Jesus I found great joy in my

life. But there still remained a part of me that felt

like it was locked up. Frozen in time.. A place

of intense pain that I had simply sealed off.

Almost twenty years after my father left I was sitting

in a classroom on the YWAM base in CambridgeOntario. Carie and I were taking their Discipleship

Training Course. The speaker was talking about

the cross. As he spoke the Spector of my dads

desertion loomed large in my mind. I asked aquestion that day I had never asked before. I said

to Jesus, How do you bear unbearable pain?

I knew he knew the answer. I knew he suffered


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I knew he knew the answer. I knew he suffered

unendurable pain and yet he was able to endure it

and through it took hold of joy.

He gently spoke into my heart,

You just let it hurt.


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Weeping may endure for a


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Weeping may endure for a

night,But joy comesin the

morning.

Psalm 30:5b (NKJV)

One terrible lie Gods enemy and our


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One terrible lie God s enemy and our

culture has taught us, especially we

who are men, is that tears are a sign ofweakness.

I have found that tears are actually theway to strength and resilience.

Passing through the Valley of Weeping


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Passing through the Valley of Weeping

(Baca), they make it a place of springs;

the early rain also fills [the pools] withblessings.

7 They go from strength to strength,increasing in victorious power; each of

them appears before God in Zion.Psalm 84:6-7 (AMP)

Those who sow in tears


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Those who sow in tears

Shall reap in joy.

6 He who continually goes forthweeping,

Bearing seed for sowing,

Shall doubtless come again withrejoicing,

Bringing his sheaves with him.Psalm 126:5-6 (NKJV)

Tears are a priceless gift from God to


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Tears are a priceless gift from God to

release the pain of grief and to Just let

it hurt.

Christ, in the days of His flesh, when He had

offered up prayers and supplications with strong

crying and tears unto Him that was able to saveHim from death, and was heard in that He feared,8 though He were a Son, yet learned He obedience

by the things which He suffered.

Hebrews 5:7-8 (KJ21)

Another important over coming


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Another important over coming

principle in grief is found in 1Thessalonians 5:18, In every

thing give thanks.

But what can we give thanks

for?

Once when going through a


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Once when going through a

deep grief over one of my lovedones choice to follow a path

away from God, I asked what I

could thank him for in thisterrible situation. He whispered

into the depths of my despair,You can know my heart.

In the end of his grief C.S. Lewis came to


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g

understand that God alone is the source of our

comfort in grief. He alone is our hope. He is the

object of faith. It is not that we hope in some deed

he will do but that we come to hope in Him.


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Have you ever lost something


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Have you ever lost something

that was important? When I

have done this I look

everywhere I think it might be.

Often I go back to the sameplaces over and over again

even though I know it is notthere.


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Brethren, I do not regard myself as


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, g y

having laid hold of it yet; but one

thing I do: forgetting what liesbehind and reaching forward to

what lies ahead,

14

I press ontoward the goal for the prize of the

upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:13-14 (NASB)

We are to be forward looking


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We are to be forward looking

people. That being said, grief is

a process to deal with the past.

The past is where we lived with

our loved one. It is not wrong torevisit memories. It is that we

are not to be fixated and livingin the past.

I once preached in a church several


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times as they were looking for a pastor.

The head of the Sunday School hadlost a daughter several years before.

Every Sunday in the Sunday School

gathering she held a memorial time forher child. Every birthday she had a

birthday party for her. On the day of her

death she had the pastor share abouther life and pray remembrance prayers.

It had deeply harmed the congregation


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and no one could reason with her. She

was fixated in the past because shenever really had let her child go. Again,

memories of a loss may never stop but

the purposeful attempt to keep thosememories alive is harmful and will

always result in not being able to say

goodbye in a final way. Not sayinggoodbye in that final way leaves us

living much of our lives in the past.

So how do we say


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So how do we say

goodbye in that final way?I believe it is in the same

way that we would saygoodbye to anyone. We

just say, Goodbye.

In every service of remembrance I


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y

have done for the last thirty years, I

have shared with people thissimple principle. I ask them to say

goodbye that day. I ask them tounderstand it is not a final goodbye

but it is goodbye for the rest of this

life. I ask them to let Jesus taketheir loved ones hand and take

them with him.

And when memories come, and they


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will with all the pain of loss, we let them

come and grieve again. But after wehave grieved again we say goodbye

once more and let them return with

Jesus back to heaven where they are.This is the process by which we resolve

our grief. It is a healthy one that does

not stifle our pain nor deify it. Both willleave us unable to move on with our

lives.

This is what C.S. Lewis eventually


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found. And in his finding it he was then

able to really help othersnot by hislectures but by his life. In the same way

as we go through the process of

grieving in hope God will use our livesto help others as well.


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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xONke8WkAE8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xONke8WkAE8http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xONke8WkAE8


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well aquainted with grief

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