welcome to nowhere!
TRANSCRIPT
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8/14/2019 Welcome to Nowhere!
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The unspoiled landscape is only briefly
touched upon by the ambitions of
humankind, with few houses and fewer
businesses, churches and chocolate
shops. The local high school is the
only building of note, constructed in the
1920s. Nowhere can claim the best high
school football team in the state in fact,
in local parlance a particularly good or
surprising play is often said to come
from Nowhere. The fabled Bridge to
Nowhere is a favorite town legend, andparts of the bridge can still be seen in
neighboring Pleasantville.
For a city of this size, the amount of
recreational activities is extraordinary.
Nowhere is the home of the semiannual
International Lawnwatching Competition.
Teams of lawnwatchers from around the
world come together for three days of
watching grass grow. The winning team
takes home a 50 lb. bag of Kentucky
Bluegrass seeds and a trophy in the shape
of a lawnmower.
Nowhere is also the place to celebrate
National Paintdrying Week. Throughout
the festivities, fences, houses, porticos,
gazebos and derelict barns are coated
with gaily colored paint, and visitors are
invited to watch as the paint dries to a
bright, moisture-sealing finish. Lodgings
fill up fast for this event, so make sure
you reserve your spot early!
Culturally, Nowhere has influenced great
musical works. During a visit in 1969,
Neil Young got the inspiration for his
classic album, Everyone Knows This
is Nowhere, and even took the cover
photo here. During a cross-country tour
in 1965, John Lennon made a stop in
Nowhere, inspiring the well-known hit
Nowhere Man. According to local
lore, Nowhere Man is based on a
blind, aimless, clueless townsperson with
a bad sense of direction.
Nowhere provides a numb
cial activities The town is
one of Americas best love
tions. Every Friday, the en
together to perform the cla
Bottles of Beer on the Wa
citizens either fall away dea
the beer stocks are spent. N
hosts the countrys first Pro
Club, established in 1867.
first meeting has yet to be h
bers uphold the clubs tene
daily lives and strive to spre
sage of procrastination whe
around to it.
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Beautiful...Wonderful...
Lovely....
TheMostPerfectlyNo
ndescriptCityinA
merica! Heaven is a p
A place where nothappens
- David Byrne,
Nowhere is the clos
to Heaven that has
conceived, a place o
senility and tranquiltowns residents respect eac
join together in communal
No one strains themselves
even to get out of bed depe
day.
The town (pop. 15,685) wa
1918 as a result of land squ
its immediate neighbors, inbecause none of them wan
the land. Its obscurity is h
ed, and a source of pride f
Nowherians. On the best
remains invisible to even it
local highways bypass it com
most maps do not list it. T
post office is 30 miles away
cumstances allow Nowhere
ten for decades at a time. It
been ignored by the US go
over 50 years the most re
data available is from 1920
the town came into being.
Nowhere is known for one of the worlds
most recognizable landmarks. The
Middle of Nowhere is memorialized by
a simple statue of red granite, carved in
an elegant tapered square pillar. The
bronze plaques positioned on each of
its four faces state Middle of Nowhere,
Est. 1918. Located in the center of
town, the pillar is a plaintive, if frequently
ignored, statement of pride to all citizens.
Plan Your Visit!
Lodging:
Inn the Middle of Nowhere
Out of Nowhere
Miles from Nowhere
Shopping:
Nowhere to be Found
Nowhere Special
Local Tours:
Nowhere to Run
Nowhere to Hide
Nowhere to Turn
Nowhere Tourism Bureau
16 West Nowhere Square
Nowhere 00000-0000
www.townofnowhere.com