welcome ever since happiness heard your name, he has been running through the street trying to find...

WelcomeWelcome

Ever since happiness heard your name,he has been running through the street

trying to find you.In fact, god himself came to my door,so sweetly asking for your address –

wanting the warmth of your hearts fire.-Hafiz

About you…About you…

• What brings you here?• What are you most wanting

from this program?

Day 1Day 1

• Absence of you and Coaching• What does “absence of you”

mean?• Core Dynamics of Common

Problems (overview)• Philosophy and Illusions• Dynamics 1 – 6 (out of 12)• Practice Identifying Operating

Dynamics

Day 2Day 2

• Absence of you and Masterful Coaching

• Dynamics 7 – 12 (out of 12)• More Practice Identifying

Operating Dynamics• Coaching techniques for

resolving Core Dynamics• Completion conversation

Coaching and Absence of YouCoaching and Absence of You

• Coaching = Helping an individual (or team) produce a desired result by co-creating solutions and awareness

• Great People Make Great Coaches• Greatness = a state of being easily

experienced when common illusions are absent

• Absence of you = absence of common illusions

Coaching ContinuedCoaching Continued

• Adding things: concepts, solutions, clarity, accountability

• Removing things (absence of…): limiting beliefs, assumptions, environmental blocks, conflicting intentions

Hi-End Coaching…Hi-End Coaching…

1. Understands the predictable nature of situations, people

2. Responds to the underlying dynamic

3. If you don't recognize what's really going on, you'll be coaching symptoms or on the surface

4. Answers the question: What is REALLY going on here?

Conflicting IntensionsConflicting Intensions• Emotionally healthy, well-functioning

individuals carry out their intentions unless there is a dynamic that conflicts with the stated desire.

• This is an extremely common situation and a natural part of the coaching conversation.

• In this program we will show you how to listen for and resolve these dynamics with your clients (and yourself)

The Physics of Self-Sabotage

Conflicting Intentions Cancel Each Other's energyOptimal

Energy of Our Intention

Resulting Energy of Our Intention

Energy of the

Conflicting Intention - “bug”

Absence Of YouAbsence Of You

Getting the sense of yourself from the essential nature

of what you areand not from anything

other than that.

Common notions…Common notions…

about the state of Absence Of? • This kind of experience is only for saints and

monks—not for us ordinary types!• It takes lifetimes of meditation and austerities• Resignation and Cynicism• Our “notions” of what we think would be living in

a state of Absence Of• The expectation that Absence of State is going to

be “flashy”• Thinking we’re there—thoughts of it are NOT it• Being so attached to the process of getting to it

that we never arrive

Why live in a state of Absence Of?

Why live in a state of Absence Of?

• Always trust and act on your intuition• Freedom from the past and future• Total presence – living in the moment• Free of judgments• Freed from the grip of emotion• Capacity to feel anything and

everything• Complete self-sufficiency/independence

The state of absence of…

Discussion: What would it be like to live (and coach) from this place?

The Core Dynamics of Common Problems

The Core Dynamics of Common Problems

• The Core Dynamics = the language of problems

• Core = The central or innermost part

• Dynamic = of or relating to energy

• Provide language for uncovering conflicting intentions.

Demonstration

• Share a “problem” and we’ll find the dynamics at play

Practice

• Triad: Share a “problem” and find the dynamics at play

The Dynamic Lunch

• Lunch break assignment: have lunch in a group of 3 or 4. Continue to talk about the “problems” in your life and practice identifying the dynamics at play

Problems and suffering in human life occur when we

lose the sense of being whole.

Each fundamental way in which the sense of being whole is lost leads to an illusion of separateness

Welcome Back

The Illusions of separateness

1. Not using the Process of Knowing (feeling) fully

2. Being overly identified with the objects of perception

3. Being overly identified with the sense of “I” as an individual ego

Behaviors – not feeling fully• *Addictions• Avoiding possible painful consequences of

one’s actions• Habitually projecting possible negative

outcomes onto the future• Worry• *Anxiety• Fearing things that don’t exist• *Depression• Not trusting and acting on your intuition• Being judgmental• Getting absorbed in the past or future• Becoming lost to the grip of emotion* Diagnosed behaviors must be handled by a licensed

therapist

Behaviors – overly identified with objects

• Getting your sense of who or what you are from anything other than your own pure essential nature

• Becoming overly attached to people, things, places, situations, etc.

• Neediness• Clinginess• Dependence• Obsessive thinking• Longing for …• Fear of change• Fear of loss• Fear of being alone• Fear of abandonment• Fear of not being seen/heard• Insecurity• Over ambition

Behaviors – overly identified with ego

• The habit of trying to force an outcome• Selfishness• Trying to figure things out• Over-relying on our intellect• Creating expectations of having it “my

way”• Becoming frustrated when things don’t

happen the way we think that they should• Being overwhelmed by positive things and

overly disappointed by negative things

Core Dynamics Details

• We call these illusions the “core dynamics of common problems”

• They are based on conditioning and become our default “operating system”

• They are always at conflict with what we truly desire

• Next we will work with each of the 12 in detail.

1) Resisting Feeling Things Fully

Staying away from situations in order avoid feeling a particular way.

• Based on experiences of being overwhelmed by intense feelings when we were particularly vulnerable or delicate

• In an attempt to avoid the experience of such intense overwhelming feelings, we make an inner decision to resist feeling things fully.

• We as if blame the process of feeling things for the experience of being overwhelmed.

• This dynamic is characterized by any activity that involves the avoidance of feeling things fully.

• This dynamic is based on the illusion that if you feel it fully, you will be destroyed.

1) Resisting Feeling Things Fully

When this dynamic is absent you feel:

I feel anything and everything without the fear of being overwhelmed.

• Discussion: What are some common life situations based on this dynamic?

• Demonstration• Practice

2) Ignoring your intuition

Denying your inner knowing in order to avoid possibly painful consequences in the short term.

• Caused by being punished for acting on your inner knowing/intuition

• We were overwhelmed by the punishment• This is the parental game called “Let control the kids

through emotional manipulation.” • This dynamic is about avoidance of negative or painful

consequences of acting on your intuition. It is a compensation for not feel fully.

• This dynamic is based on the illusion that if you act on your intuition that you won’t be able to face the consequences.

All people are offered help by their Intuition,

but most pick themselves up and escape as fast as

possible!Winston Churchill

2) Ignoring Your Intuition


I completely trust my intuition and I always act on it



3) Being Judgmental

To avoid dealing with your own issues• We judge something in order to create an illusion of

separateness from it, in order to distance ourselves from it. • There is something that is a part of ourselves that we don’t

want to acknowledge and embrace. • If there was no charge inside of us about it then we would

be neutral. • By creating the illusion of separateness through judging

people, things or even parts of ourselves, we break down the experience of Wholeness and create an illusion that we are isolated and separate from the rest of the world.

• This dynamic is based on the habit of avoiding the issues that we really need to address and resolve within ourselves and the illusion that we can’t.

3) Being Judgmental

When this dynamic is absent you feel:Everything I experience is a part of me. I acknowledge it, embrace it and value from it.



4) Avoiding the present

Getting lost in stories of the past or future

• When this dynamic is present we tend to get lost to the stories that we make up about our experiences.

• The experiences are intrinsically meaningless. • Often we can become so absorbed in or identified

with our stories that we begin to feel that they are real. We live inside them.

• We make ourselves the victims not of what happened to us but to the stories that we become dedicated to about the events.

• This dynamic is based on the habit of avoiding being present and the illusion or fear that being present will be difficult.


Expressions of this Dynamic:• Getting lost to the grip of emotion• Getting absorbed in stories about the past and/or

future• Projecting possible negative outcomes on to the

future• Getting lost to addictive behaviors• Having a database of unresolved emotions

When this dynamic is absent you feel:• I experience emotions fully but without getting lost

to them• I live in the wonder and delight of uncertainty• I easily face and fully feel anything from the past

Feeling into the most intense part

of the energy of the feeling



I live completely in the present moment.



Welcome BackWelcome Back

I am happy even before I have a reason.I am full of light even before

the sun or moon can reach the sky.My dear companions,

we have been in love with godfor so very, very long.

What can we now do butforever dance.

-Hafiz

Day 2Day 2

• Absence of you and Masterful Coaching

• Dynamics 5 – 12 • More Practice Identifying

Operating Dynamics• Coaching techniques for

resolving Core Dynamics• Completion conversation

Masterful CoachingMasterful Coaching

• Beginning coaches solve problems

• Intermediate coaches look for the source of the problem and collaborate to solve it.


Masterful coaches CAUSE problems!

And then respond to the occurring dynamic


Discussion: How does “Absence of You” lead to masterful coaching?

5) Looking for yourself where you are not

Seeking validation from accomplishments. - Seeking the approval of others. - Defining yourself through things or roles.

• Subject – Object – Process of Experiencing• We live inside it without realizing that it

permeates our every experience.

• This dynamic is based on the illusion that you are incomplete and need something from outside yourself to be whole.

5) Looking for yourself where you are not


I am whole and complete.



6) Mistaking Need for Love

• Attachment, Identification and Need are “marketed” to us under the false label of “Love”.

• Love is pure giving without any need to take or receive anything.

• Unconditional love is the only thing that truly is Love, everything else is based on need.

• This dynamic is based on the illusion that love is something that you get from others / outside of yourself.

Confusing the feeling of getting a need fulfilled with the feeling of love.

6) Mistaking Need for Love


I love without needing anything in return and I participate in relationships of mutual giving.



7) Resisting Change

Looking for something constant in the world around you in order to feel secure

• The world is constantly changing• We long to have a non-changing basis to our

lives • We tend to look for the non-changing in the

world of change and we want to keep things the same

• This dynamic is based on the illusion that stability and security can be found in the changing world around us.

7) Resisting Change


I have a deep inner sense of equanimity. I live in the delight and wonder of uncertainty.



8) Limiting Self Expression

Holding yourself back out of the fear of losing the approval of someone or some group.

• When we express ourselves powerfully, some people aren’t going to like it

• This is because it make them uncomfortable that they are not being fully self expressed

• In order to not hold ourselves back we need to be so secure in love for ourselves that we don’t need it from others

• This dynamic is based on the illusion that it is lonely at the top

8) Limiting Self Expression


I can be fully self expressed without fearing the loss of love from others



9) Trying to Force an Outcome

Being attached to some event happening in a particular way (my way) and being blind to the thing happening in some other way.

• The laws of nature act through you. • When you think that it is you who are

taking an action you are overly identified with your body, mind and personality, overly identified with being the “doer.”

• This dynamic is based on the illusion that you are your ego.

9) Trying to Force an Outcome


I get the sense of myself from the essential nature of who I truly am rather then from my actions or accomplishments.



10) Excluding Other Perspectives

Over identification with the intellect and thinking you have all the answers

• This is not knowing the difference between thinking and knowing

• Having all the answers• Being Clueless • Doubting• You may react by getting upset / angry / frustrated.• This comes from being overly identified with the

fruits of our actions and the experience of things that happen to or body / mind / personality.

• This dynamic is based on the illusion that you are the victim of your experiences.

10) Excluding Other Perspectives


I know things from deep within myself and I know the difference between thinking and knowing.



11) Manufacturing Interpretations

Creating doubt by getting overly absorbed in trying to explain something

• We habitually manufacture interpretations of our experiences. It’s a very human thing to do.

• However, everyone’s interpretations will be different, so the interpretations only exist in your head.

• We want to understand it so we try to figure it out.• Much later you might say, “Oh! Now I see why that

happened.”• This dynamic is based on the illusion

that everything is not perfect.

11) Manufacturing Interpretations


I sense the perfection of everything even when my intellect doesn’t get it.



12) Over-reacting to Circumstances

Creating doubt by getting overly absorbed in trying to explain something

• Getting the sense of who you are from outside of yourself can make you feel vulnerable.

• Big changes or events can be disturbing and trigger over-reactions

• This dynamic interferes with our ability to maintain a sense of who we are under extreme circumstances

• This dynamic is based on the illusion that who you really are can be affected by anything.

12) Over-reacting to Circumstances


I feel a deep sense of equanimity during experiences of pleasure or pain.



Core Dynamics Coaching

• To be effective in coaching a client when you recognize that one or more core dynamic is present is to help your client re-establish a basic sense of wholeness, centeredness, integration.

• Simply understanding how the sense of being integrated and whole has been lost begins to restore it.

• However there are specific things that can be done to shift or redirect the client’s energy and attention to re-establish the sense of wholeness.

Core Dynamics Coaching

• Resisting Feeling Fully– Help the client learn to feel things more fully

and improve there access to their innate capacity to feel.

• Looking for Yourself Were You Are Not– Support the client in getting their sense of self

simply from the essence of who they really are.

• Trying to Force an Outcome– Support the client in learning to live in the

wonder and delight of uncertainty and see the perfection in everything just the way it is.

Specific Coaching Techniques

• Waiting• Feeling into the core of the feeling• Practice feeling things fully• Shifting to neutral/unplug the power• Make the decision to always act on your

intuition• Make the decision to see the world as a

mirror• Make the decision to notice the habit of

looking outside yourself for completion

Waiting

• It may be necessary to simply be with the discomfort of not knowing for some time.

• The answer will come when it is time for it to come and it will come as a certainty that has no charge to it.

• Practice being aware that there is a gap between your experiences and your responses to them.

• Notice whether you are reacting automatically or whether you are at choice and cultivate being at choice in how you respond.

• If there is any doubt in the best way to respond, wait!

Feeling into the core of the feeling

• When you are lost to an emotion• Notice that what you are feeling is the

energy of the emotion in your body• Allow yourself to feel right into the core of

the most intense part of the energy of the emotion

• If there is more than one layer of feeling there, find the core of the energy of each feeling and feel down into it

• Mastering this ability allows you to quickly come out of the grip of emotion

Practice feeling things fully

• Notice when one of the dynamics based on not feeling fully is operating in your life

• Notice what it is that you have been avoiding feeling and allow yourself to start feeling it

• Notice the fear of being overwhelmed• Notice that feeling things fully doesn’t kill

you and that you actually have a much greater capacity to feel than you thought you did

• You have just had a habit of keeping a lid on accessing that capacity

Practicing unplugging the power

• Notice the difference between reacting and responding

• Decide to master of these two steps:1. Be aware of every conditioned reaction as it is

beginning to arise in your awareness2. Unplug the power/ shift to neutral

• Disallow the thought to continue to receive any energy/power.

• You are so used to them being present that you won’t notice without choosing to pay attention.

• Thinking that you don’t have control over which ones you allow to be present is a part of your conditioning.

Neutrality is the most powerful

dismantler of negativity

Decide to always act on your intuition

• Try it and you will find that you can fully feel the feelings that come up without being overwhelmed

• Notice that the fear is that someone may get upset with you

• Do you really want to be manipulated by the intense expression of emotion?

• Do you want to continue to participate as if you were still five years old?

Make the decision to see the world as a mirror

• Practice noticing the process of judging others and/or judging yourself

• Adopt an attitude of looking inside yourself for the charge when you find yourself judging

• Practice acknowledging and embracing the charge in yourself related to the issue that you are judging

• Think of the other person as giving you the gift of being the mirror so you can see those parts of you that you have been avoiding that need some attention

Make the decision to become aware of the habit of looking outside yourself for

completion

• Practice noticing the habit of looking outside yourself for love, respect, acknowledgment, appreciation, sense of completion, etc.

• Then notice the feeling that is driving this looking outside.

• Feel it fully.

Completion

• Who, What and Where are you now?

• How will this experience effect your life and work?

• Any surprises?

Special Acknowledgements

• Thank you to the volunteers• Thank you to the LEM• Thanks to YOU!

Arrive home safely!

welcome ever since happiness heard your name, he has been running through the street trying to find...

Documents

state of absence

absence of state

operating dynamics slide

hafiz slide

things absence

absence of common illusions

absent absence

masterful coaching dynamics