Welcome

Welcome!Presented by Scott Schoenberger

1Connecting Failure

Key ConceptsConnecting is influence.Connecting begins when the other person feels valued.The more you do to go beyond words, the greater the chance you will connect with people.The larger the group, the more energy that is required to connect.The skills you learn to connect at one level can be used to start connecting at the next level.Know the reasons you and your listener want to communicate and build a bridge between them.The larger the group, the simpler the communication needs to be.Work to create the right experience for your communication setting.What people remember most is how you made them feel.The only way to keep connecting with people is to live what you communicate.Connecting Principles #1 INFLUENCEPrinciple #1 - Connecting increases your influence in every situation.

Successful US Presidents exhibit 5 qualities:

VisionPragmatismConsensus BuildingCharismaTrustworthiness4 of the 5 skills to being a successful leader have to do with connecting.Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in such a way that it increases our influence with them.

4Most people who disconnect arent aware.

Connecting SignalsConnecting Principles #1 INFLUENCEExtra Effort: people go the extra mileUnsolicited Appreciation: people say positive thingsUnguarded Openness: people demonstrate trustIncreased Communication: people express themselves more readilyEnjoyable Experiences:people feel good about what they are doingEmotional Bondedness:people display a connection on an emotional levelUnconditional Love:people are accepting without reservationGrowing Synergy:peoples effectiveness is greater than the sum of the contributionsPositive Energy: peoples emotional batteries are charged by being together5Connecting Principles #1 INFLUENCE

John Hall, PhD, Teleometrics, conducted a study on the performance of 16,000 executives.

CONCLUSION: direct correlation between achievement and the ability to care for and connect with people.

The ability to connect with others begins with understanding the value of people

6Connecting Principles #1 INFLUENCEHIGH ACHIEVERSLOW ACHIEVERSAVERAGE ACHIEVERSCare about People as well as ProfitsView subordinates OptimisticallySeek advice from those under themActively listenConcentrate on ProductionFocus more on their own StatusReluctant to seek advice from those under themListen only to superiorsPreoccupied with their own SecurityShow a basic Distrust of subordinatesDo not seek adviceAvoid communication and rely on policy manuals7Principle #2 - Connecting is all about OTHERS and not ourselves.

Why do we focus on ourselves and not others?ImmaturityMaturity is the ability to see and act on behalf of othersEgoFailure to value everyone

3 Connecting Questions:

Do you CARE for me?Can you HELP me?Can I TRUST you?

Connecting Principles #2 OTHERS8Principle #3 Connecting goes beyond words

3 Components to Face-to-Face Communication

How others believe what we say when we communicate:

>90% of the impression that we often convey has NOTHING to do with what we actually say!Connecting Principles #3 COMMUNICATIONWORDSTONE OF VOICEBODY LANGUAGE93 Components to Communication

Connecting Principles #3 COMMUNICATIONsomething we know,connecting Intellectually;what people understandingsomething we feel;connecting emotionally;what people feelsomething we do,connecting visually;what people seeWhen thought, emotion and action are congruent, connecting goes beyond what we say because we are now emoting what people can feel and we are connecting with them more than just verbally.

10Action something we do; connecting visually; what people see

Thought something we know; connecting intellectually; what people understand

Emotion something we feel; connecting emotionally; what people feel

Connecting Principles #3 COMMUNICATIONAction:To connect with people visuallyExpand your range of expressionMove with a sense of purposeMaintain an open postureThought:To connect with people intellectuallyKnowledge must be experientialExperience is not only a good teacher, it is a great persuaderEmotion:To connect with people emotionallyPeople may hear your words but they feel your attitude

11Communication BreakdownsConnecting Principles #3 COMMUNICATIONBreakdownThought knowingEmotion feelingAction - doingDispassionateI know thisI do not feel thisTheoreticalI know thisI do not do thisUnfoundedI do not know thisI feel thisHypocriticalI feel thisI do not do thisPresumptuousI do not know thisI do thisMechanicalI do not feel thisI do this12Principle #4 Connecting always requires ENERGY 4 Unpardonable sins of a communicator:

3 of the 4 require a lot of effort and energy

Connecting requires:Initiative go first!Clarity preparePatience slow downSelflessness giveStamina rechargeConnecting Principles #4 ENERGYUnpreparedUncommittedUninterestingUncomfortable13Principle #5 Connecting is more SKILL than natural talent

Connecting Principles #5 SKILL14Practice #1 Connectors connect on common ground

Barriers to finding common ground:Connecting Practices #1 COMMON GROUNDAssumptionArroganceIndifferenceControlAssumption I already know what others know, feel and want.Arrogance I dont need to know what others know, feel or want.Indifference I dont care to know what others know, feel, or want.Control I dont want others to know what I know, feel or think.

15Choices to finding common ground:

Connecting Practices #1 COMMON GROUNDAvailabilityListeningQuestionsThoughtfulnessOpennessLikeabilityHumilityAdaptabilityAvailability I will choose to spend time with othersListening I will listen my way to common groundQuestions I will be interested enough in others to ask questionsThoughtfulness I will think of others and look for ways to help themOpenness I will let people into my lifeLikeability I will care about peopleHumility I will think of myself less so I can think of others moreAdaptability I will move from my world to theirs

16Practice #2 Connectors do the difficult work of keeping it SIMPLE

4 components to connect through communication

Connecting Practices #2 SimplicityHumorHeartHopeHelpThree SsArt of Simplicity

Talk to people, not above themGet to the pointSay it over and over and over againSay it clearlySay less17Practice #3 Create an EXPERIENCE everyone enjoys

How to be interesting:Take responsibility for your listener(s)Communicate in their worldCapture peoples attention from the startSay it so it sticksConnecting Practices #3 EXPERIENCE18Practice #4 Connectors INSPIRE people

Inspiration Equation

Connecting Practices #4 INSPIRE19CREDIBILITY is the currency that connectors have

Practice #5 Connectors Live What They Communicate

Credibility ChecklistHave I connected with myself?Have I made right my wrongs?Am I accountable?Do I lead like I live?Do I tell the truth?Am I vulnerable?Am I following the Golden Rule?Do I deliver results?

Connecting Practices #5 CREDIBILITY20Thank you!Scott SchoenbergerIMPACTomorrow.net

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