Week 4.2Coherence and Concision

Lesson ObjectivesO Incorporate coherence into revision

plan

O Tips (and practice) for concision

O Peer Review Assignment

Coherence“Coherence is an experience we create for ourselves as we make our own sense out of what we read” (First-Year Writing 197).O Point: Readers create coherence “as

[they] make [their] own sense of what [they] read” (First-Year Writing 197).

O Counterpoint: Authors must structure paper to create coherence for readers.

Coherence and Relevancy

Sentences must relate to topic sentences:O Background or contextO Points of sections and the wholeO Reasons supporting a pointO Evidence, fact, or supporting dataO Explanation of reasoningO Consideration of other points of view

Coherence and OrganizationO Chronological: Sense of time; Cause

and Effect

O Coordinate: Importance; Complexity

O Logical: Generalization to Example, Premise to Conclusion, Assertion to Contradiction

Coherence and Subjects

Keep your subjects clean!

O 1.a Resistance in Nevada against its use as a waste disposal site has been heated.

O 1.b Nevada HAS heatedly RESISTED its use as a waste disposal site.

(First-Year Writing 203)

Subjects (More Practice)

“Not until a resolution between Catholics and Protestants in regard to the authority of papal supremacy is reached will there be a start to a reconciliation between these two Christian religions.”O Identify the sentence’s subject (key

point), and rewrite the sentence to give it emphasis.

Subjects (More Practice)

Among other public buildings in a certain town, which for many reasons it will be prudent to refrain from mentioning, and to which I will assign no fictitious name, there is one anciently common to most towns, great or small: to wit, a workhouse; and in this workhouse was born; on a day and date which I need not trouble myself to repeat, inasmuch as it can be of no possible consequence to the reader, in this stage of the business at all events, the item of mortality whose name is prefixed to the head of this chapter. —Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist

ConcisionConcision is compression. It is also the elimination of redundancy.

1. Delete meaningless words.O kind of, actually, (in) particular,

really, certain, basically

Concision2. Delete double wordsO “The report was accurate and fair,

and the house majority determined its validity and forthrightness.”

3. Delete what readers can infer.O terrible tragedy, future plans, various

differencesO Redundant Categories: Prepositional

phrases

Concision4. Replace a phrase with a wordO “Now 145 years after its publication,

his words still ring true.”O “Now 145 years later, his words still

ring true.O “Despite the fact that the data was

checked, errors occurred.”O “Even though the data were checked,

errors occurred.

Concision5. Change negatives to affirmatives.O “V8 is not only refreshing, but it is good

for you to!”O “V8 is refreshing and good for you!”O “There is no possibility in regard to a

reduction in the size of the federal deficit if reductions in federal spending are not introduced.”

O How would you switch this negative into an affirmative?

Concision6. Delete adjectives and adverbs.O “Try deleting every adverb and every

adjective before a noun, then restore only those that readers need to understand that passage” (First-Year Writing 213).

O “I am doing swimmingly well.”O “Persistanly petulant pre-teens

participate primarily in pre-modern plays.”

MetadiscourseMetadiscourse: Telling the reader what you are doing.O Writer’s intention, directions to the

reader, text’s structure“Born with an evil reputation”: Bret Harte’s “The Luck of Roaring Camp”

The title’s cited section comes from Bret Harte’s recollection of “The Luck of Roaring Camp.”

Homework (Section .001)

Friday, 6/27:O Peer Reviews in

Raider Writer

Monday, 6/30:O First-Year: Ch. 7-8

(147-82)O St. Martin’s: Ch. 40-

43O Copy of Draft 1.1,

with personal revision notes

O Draft of Brief Assignment 4

Homework (Section .008)

Friday, 6/27O Peer Reviews in

Raider Writer

FridayO St. Martin’s: Ch.

44O Copy of draft 1.1

with personal revision notes