webseries episode 5

8/14/2019 Webseries Episode 5

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FADE IN:

INT. THE SEQUENTIAL DETECTIVE AGENCY - NIGHT

Scullery sits asleep in the chair behind the desk. The room is dark

The floorboards CREAK.

Scullery wakes up.

The floorboards CREAK again.

Scullery stays seated but looks around the room.

SCULLERYSmolder?

The floorboards CREAK LOUDER.

Scullery brings her legs up onto the chair. After a few seconds she opens oneof the desk drawers and pulls out a small concrete brick. Scullery holds thebrick over her shoulder.

SCULLERYI've got a gun.

The window RATTLES.

SCULLERY(scared)

Jake?

SUDDENLY the bookcase in the corner falls over slamming against the floorwith a loud BANG. Scullery screams. The door the bookcase was coveringswings open and red light pours out of it filling the room. Scullery screamsagain and then -

SUDDENLY -

Scullery wakes up. She's sitting in the chair behind the desk. The room isdark. Scullery sighs and looks around the room. The bookcase in the corneris lying on the floor and the door it normally covers is wide open revealingblack emptiness.

Scullery starts to panic.



SCULLERY(yelling)

Jake! Jake!

A paper airplane flies through the open door and lands on the desk in front of Scullery. She looks at it, confused. Something big starts coming through thedoor but before Scullery can tell what it is she -

SUDDENLY -

wakes up. She's sitting in the chair behind the desk. Smolder is sitting in achair in front of the TV watching a movie. The bookcase is upright in thecorner covering the door and the morning Sun is shining in through thewindow. Smolder turns off the TV.

SMOLDER That was the last Air Bud movie.Now I'm gonna watch AirBuddies and it's sequels.

Scullery closes her eyes.SCULLERY

(quietly to herself)Please be a dream. Please bea dream.

Smolder looks over at Scullery.

SMOLDERHey, you're awake.

Scullery opens her eyes.

SCULLERYUnfortunately.

SMOLDER You had a nightmare didn'tyou.

SCULLERY Yeah...

Smolder takes the last Air Bud movie out and starts to put Air Buddies into



the DVD player.

SMOLDERWell, watching Air Buddies should

help you feel better.

Scullery quickly opens one of the desk drawers, pulls out a small concretebrick, and hurls it at the DVD player. The brick smashes the DVD playermaking it useless.

SMOLDERCome on!

SCULLERYIt's for our own good.

Smolder notices a paper airplane sitting on the desk in front of Scullery.

SMOLDERWhat's that doing there?

Scullery sees the paper airplane too.

SCULLERY'Oly crap!

Scullery pulls open one of the desk drawers and shoves the paper airplane init. Smolder looks confused.

SCULLERYIt's not real.

SMOLDERI'll except that.

Scullery stands up.

SCULLERYWhy'd I sleep here?

SMOLDERI'm not 100% on this but I thinkwe both live here.

SCULLERY



I do not live here!

SMOLDER Than why'd you sleep here?

SCULLERY

I... I don't know.

Smolder leans back in his chair.

SMOLDERHa! Now look who's wearing thewrong foot.

Scullery sighs.

SCULLERY

Where's Alan?

SMOLDERI sent him out ta buy a gun.

SCULLERYBut he can't walk.

SMOLDERI gave him a skateboard, althoughhe might of been asleep when

I pushed him down the stairs.

SCULLERY You better go see if he's okay.

SMOLDERGood idea.

Smolder walks over to the door, pulls it open, and heads down the stairs.

SMOLDER (O. S.)

He's okay!

SCULLERYBring him back up here.

SMOLDER (O. S.)Sure thing... oh, mails here.



SCULLERYBring that up too.

Smolder walks back up the stairs with Alan and the mail under his arm. Hewalks into the office and closes the door behind him. Smolder places Alan on

the desk and starts looking through the mail.

SCULLERYAre you okay Alan?

ALANI'll live... I got a gun though.

SCULLERYHow'd you manage that?

ALANSome guy in a ski mask placedit inside me.

SCULLERYWe're gonna have ta get rid of it.

ALAN(sadly)

I know.

Smolder tosses his Modern Bride and CosmoGirl magazines he got in themail on the desk.

SMOLDERSo, what're our plans for today?

SCULLERYAs far as I know we don't have any.

SMOLDER(quietly)

I guess this is our bottle episode.

SCULLERY(suspicious)

What'd you just say?

SMOLDERNothing incriminating.



Scullery lays down on the couch next to the window.

SCULLERYHave we gotten paid by anyone

recently?

SMOLDERNo.

SCULLERYWe're so screwed.

SMOLDERI know what we can do.

SCULLERYWhat's that?

SMOLDERWe can hire a publicist.

SCULLERY You already tried that.

CUTAWAY - SMOLDER AND SCULLERY IN THE OFFICE

Smolder enters the office carrying a puppy.

SMOLDER(holding the puppy out)

Look Scullery, I've just hiredus a publicist.

The puppy sneezes.

BACK TO SCENE

SMOLDERHe was without a doubt the cutestpublicist in town. But this time I'llhire a human.

SCULLERY Just do whatever you want.



Smolder opens one of the desk drawers and pulls out a phone book. Hestarts flipping through it.

SMOLDER(flipping through the phone book)

Let's see... public restrooms, no...public bathing, no... aha! Publicists.

Smolder pulls the phone over to him.

SMOLDER This one looks good.

(reading)Irony Blessed. When it comes topublicizing or throwing surprise awedding I'm the best!

Smolder dials the number into the phone and waits.

SMOLDER(into the phone)

Hi. I'm interested in your services.(pauses)

Wonderful. My address is--(pauses)

How'd you know that?(pauses)

That sounds illegal.(pauses)

No, no, I'm not gonna report you.(pauses)

How long will it take for you taget here?

(pauses)Really? Just thirty minutes?

(pauses)Okay great. See you soon.

Smolder hangs up the phone and gives Scullery a thumbs up.

FADE OUT:FADE IN:

INT. THE SEQUENTIAL DETECTIVE AGENCY - AFTERNOON

SUPER IN/OUT - "2 HOURS LATER"



Scullery and Smolder are sitting at opposite sides of the desk.

SCULLERYShe's certainly taking her sweet time.

SMOLDER(angrily)

We better not have ta pay for ourpizza.

SCULLERYWe didn't order a pizza.

SMOLDERWe didn't?

(sighs)What was I thinking?

The SOUND of a person falling over a skateboard at the bottom of the stairs.

SCULLERYDid you leave the skateboard downthere?

ALANHe certainly did.

SMOLDER(to Alan)

Quiet you!

Smolder knocks Alan onto the floor. The gun falls out of Alan and fires. Thebullet hits the ceiling right above the desk. Scullery and Smolder lookshocked.

SMOLDERI didn't do it.

Scullery pulls a napkin out of a desk drawer, picks up the gun with it, andputs the gun in the desk drawer.

SCULLERYLet's never speak of this again.

The door opens and in walks IRONY, age 40. She's wearing a pants suit and



sunglasses. Irony walks into the room with a slight limp.

IRONYHello, I'm Irony Blessed.

SMOLDERHello, Irony Blessed. Please takemy seat.

Smolder gets out of his chair, walks around the desk, and stands next toScullery. Irony sits down in Smolder's chair.

IRONY The first thing I need to knowis, what kind of publicity are youinterested in.

SMOLDERWe really just need to get ourname out there.

SCULLERYWe tend to just get the crazies.

IRONYI totally understand.

Irony looks around the office.

IRONYHere's what I'm thinking. Wethrow a fake tinker tape paradeand instead of shredded paperwe jettison ads for your businessinto the air.

SMOLDER The Simpsons did the exact same

thing one time.

IRONY(angrily)

I don't know who the Simpsonsare but I thought of it first!

Scullery nudges Smolder with her elbow.



SMOLDERI'm sure you did.

IRONY

So does that sound good toyou two?

SCULLERYN--

SMOLDERAbsolutely!

Irony stands up.

IRONYWonderful. I'll work everythingout and it'll be scheduled fortomorrow afternoon.

Irony opens the door.

IRONYIt was wonderful doing businesswith you two.

SMOLDERIt sure was. Bye.

Irony walks through the door and shuts it behind her. Scullery turns toSmolder.

SCULLERYI think that lady was crazy.

The SOUND of Irony falling over a skateboard at the bottom of the stairs.

SCULLERYShe's gonna get us in so muchtrouble.

SMOLDERI think your right.

Dust falls from above and the area of the ceiling where the bullet hit falls



down onto Smolder and Scullery.

FADE OUT: THE END

webseries episode 5

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