LETTERS FROM ENGLAND.Season One.Episode Four.Welcome to England.

1:

TEASER.

FADE IN. INT. BOAC FLIGHT 275-DINNER TIME-EVENING.

FLIGHT ATTENDENTS move large METAL TROLLIES WITH METAL DOORS TO EACH SEAT and serve dinner.

NED. (VO)We took a flight out of LaGuardia Airport with a British Airline thatGlynn had book us on. BOAC number275.

A BLONDE FLIGHT ATTENDENT IN HER TWENTIES WITH EYES LIKE EMERALDS wheels her trolly in front of DARCY.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT.Drinks?

DARCY.I’ll take a gin and tonic straightup.

EILEEN, glares at DARCY.

EILEEN.She’ll have a coke!

DARCY rolls her eyes at EILEEN THE KILLJOY. AN ABRUPT LAUGH IN THE NEXT SEAT. DARCY FINDS NED AMUSED BY her bold attempt to order alcohol. DARCY WHACKS her ELBOW hard into NED’S GUT.NED doubles over. THE FLIGHT ATTENDENT pulls out a thimble full of COCA COLA in a bottle. THE FLIGHT ATTENDENT smiles and bats her pretty green eyes at NED.

FLIGHT ATTENDENT.What will you have young man?

NED. (VO)This was going to be tricky. MySister had already failed in herattempt of procuring an alcoholic beverage. That wasn’t going to fly. With such a pretty younglady in front of me, I wanted

2.

NED. (VO)to impress her. So I asked…

NED SMILES SO THAT ALL HIS TEETH ARE SHOWING.

NED.What’s your name?

EILEEN and DARCY stare at NED. His decorum is way off base.

EILEEN.Ned!

FLIGHT ATTENDANT.No, it’s all right. I’m Maevis.

NED puts out his hand. MAEVIS SMILES and decides not to return the favor.

NED. (VO)I could tell Maevis was putty in myhands. I couldn’t resist. Wherewould this new connection take me? Then, as smooth as Roger MooreI threw it out there to see whatwould happen.

NED.Livingston. Ned Livingston. I’ll have a Schweppes with lots of ice. shaken but not stirred.

MAEVIS holds HER MOUTH OPEN WITH A SMILE. She thinks it’s audacious for a fourteen-year-old child to flirt with her. MAEVIS humors him AND LETS OUT a soft giggle.

MAEVIS.You’re clever. Very clever.

MAEVIS turns open the trolly door. SHE DROPS TWO BLOCKS OF ICE INTO A PLASTIC CUP. A LONG POUR OF SCHWEPPES AND A TILT OF THE CUP, so the foam doesn’t overflow. She stirs his drink gently.

MAEVIS.There you are. What you like Mam?

3.NED. (VO)

There it was, my first attempt atflirting with a woman. I waswas suave and sophisticated and…she shot me down. It was tobe the first of many strikeouts.

NED sips his ginger ale. MAEVIS takes EILEEN AND BLAKE’S ORDER. Once done, she smiles and stares at NED. HOPE HAS RETURNED AND NED GRINS BROADLEY.

MAEVIS.Happy hunting for Mr. Goldfinger.

NED, HOPE is dashed as a FROWN appears. He watches MAEVIS wheel her cart down the aisle to the next set of seats. DARCY bursts out laughing.

NED.What are you laughing at?

DARCY.You, Casanova. Schweppes, shaken not stirred. What was that?

NED.At least I made an attempt.

DARCY.Yeah, first of all that woman is wayout of your league and second, she’s at least ten years older than you.

EILEEN.Stop. Can’t you see your father issuffering from the air pressure.

DARCY and NED both take a sip of their drinks and have a look. BLAKE, EYES CLOSED WITH HIS HEAD TOWARDS THE CEILING.

CUT TO. INT. BOAC FLIGHT 275-LATER IN THE EVENING.

DIM LIGHTS. MAEVIS RETURNS. SHE LOOKS OVER AT BLAKE. HE IS IN AGONY.

4.

MAEVIS.Sir is the pressure effecting yourears again.

BLAKE.Yeah.

MAEVIS POPS OPEN THE TROLLY DOOR AND POURS OUT A GLASS OF WATER AND OFFERS BLAKE ASPIRIN.

BLAKE.Oh, thank you. You are a life saver.

MAEVIS.Believe me I understand. I have Trouble myself.

BLAKE.How do you handle it?

BLAKE POPS THE ASPIRIN IN HIS MOUTH AND SWALLOWS THE WATER. MAEVIS TAKES THE CUP BACK AND TOSSES IT IN THE TRASH.

MAEVIS.Ear plugs and aspirin before the flight.

BLAKE.That’s a great idea. Thanks.

MAEVIS.Fancy a blanket?

BLAKE.Yes please.

MAEVIS offers BLAKE A BLANKET and he puts it over himself. BLAKE’S ATTENTION is distracted by DARCY as she punches forward in her seat.

BLAKE.Darcy what are you…

DARCY GRITS HER TEETH, THE RAGE IN FULL VIEW.

5.

DARCY.Dad, I am not doing anything. Thelittle urchin behind me is kickingmy seat. Let’s not worry about that.I’ll handle this.

DARCY an ANGRY SCOWL IN THE DIRECTION OF A YOUNG FOUR-YEAR-OLD CHILD, gleefully kicking the seat continuously. DARCY has had enough. DARCY A WARM SARCASTIC SMILE IN THE DIRECTION OF THE PLUMP MOTHER.

DARCY.Excuse me Madam. Would you mindkeeping your young child undercontrol.

THE PLUMP MOTHER stares through DARCY and bites her nails.

PLUMP MOTHER.What’s he doing?

DARCY.You have no idea?

PLUMP WOMAN.I think he’s being perfectlywell behaved. I don’t know What you’re talking about.

DARCY.I’m talking about the incessant kicking!

EILEEN.Darcy! Calm down. You’re makinga scene.

DARCY.You’re damn right I’m making a scene.This stupid woman won’t keep herBeast under control.

PLUMP WOMAN.Beast? I’ll have you know my Giles is an angel.

6.

DARCY glares in GILES DIRECTION. An uproarious giggle FOLLOWED BY A HARD KICK TO THE SEAT.

DARCY.There, did you see that?

PLUMP MOTHER.He was merely adjusting his feet.

DARCY, there’s no solution to this. DARCY addresses EILEEN.

DARCY.Brats like that are the reasonI am not having kids.

CUT TO. INT. BOAC FLIGHT 275-AN HOUR LATER-EVENING.

GILES, A LOUD BOISTEROUS SINGING WITH FEET FLYING IN THE BACK OF DARCY’S SEAT.

DARCY.All right! That’s it.

DARCY rises to her seat and MARCHES DOWN THE AISLE. She has a quick word with MAEVIS. SHE NODS and follows DARCY DOWN THE AISLE. MAEVIS has a QUIET WORD WITH THE PLUMP MOTHER.

PLUMP MOTHER.What’s he supposed to do? He’s a young boy. Young boy’s get restless.

MAEVIS.All she is asking is that he notkick the seat.

DARCY.And sing in my ear.

PLUMP MOTHER.Oh, all right! Giles come sit inMummy’s lap. Great bloody ingrate.

MAEVIS.There shouldn’t be any more problems.

7.

THE PLUMP MOTHER struggles to control the unruly GILES. She leans over the seat. DARCY reads a magazine.

PLUMB MOTHER.You bloody Americans think your entitledto everything don’t you.

DARCY.Lady, why don’t you try parentinginstead of spoiling your child.

THE PLUMP MOTHER, it’s the most insulting thing she’s ever heard. NED WAKES UP BLEERY EYED.

NED.What the hell is all the fuss?

DARCY.Go back to sleep Ned, the brat behindus has been handled.

GILES POPS OUT OF THE PLUMP MOTHER’S ARMS AND STICKS HIS TONGUE IN DARCY’S FACE. DARCY ROARS BACK IN HIS FACE like a ferocious lion. GILES TERRIFIED OUT OF HIS LIFE, SCREAMS INTO THE ARMS OF THE PLUMP MOTHER.

FADE TO BLACK.

END OF TEASER.

8.

ACT ONE.

FADE IN. EXT. LONDON TRAIN-ENGLAND

NED stares out at the BEAUTIFUL ROLLING HILLS OF THE ENGLISH COUNTRYSIDE through thick fog and a BUCKETS of rain.

NED. (VO)England greeted us with rain. Whichwasn’t a surprise because as I beganto learn, it rained every day in England. As we took a train to the village of Fulgrove, one thing became apparently clear.

THE TRAIN bullets through a train station. BEHIND NED SMALL MINIATURE CARS.

NED. (VO)The automobiles in England lookedlike matchbox cars. Sure, once in a while you’d see Bentley or Rolls Royce, but none of the others matched the size. The longer I lived here,the more I began to realize why.The roads were small and very narrow,so, nothing larger than a mini couldfit on them.

NED, fascinated by a small POWDER BLUE three wheel car.

NED. (VO)One car fascinated me beyond belief.It was something called a ReliantRobin. It had three wheels. Inall the time I lived in England, itseemed to come in one color, powder blue. I was never sure if the car was safe or not. Although the front wheel was in the center, so maybe that’s where the balance was.

CUT TO. EXT. FULGROVE STATION-AFTERNOON

9.

A few hours later. THE TRAIN pulls into the station and RESTS IN FRONT OF THE FULGROVE SIGN. THE LOUD WHISTLE IS BLOWN TO ANNOUNCE THE NEXT STOP. The TRAIN PLATFORMS ARE DESERTED. THE DOORS OPEN, BLAKE leads DARCY, EILEEN and NED out carrying luggage. DARCY stares into the rain and fog. She nothing but a PUB across from the pub and in the other direction A SMALL STONE FARMHOUSE.

DARCY.Oh, great the college is in the middleof the sticks.

BLAKE.It is not in the middle of the sticksDarcy. Littlefleet is two miles upthe road. That’s Littlefleet.

EILEEN takes in the scenery and is warmed by the sight.

EILEEN.Littlefleet has a castle.

DARCY.Whoppee, maybe after dinner we cango storm it like Robin Hood.

BLAKE.Come on, I’ll call Glynn.

BLAKE leads everyone inside the train station. ONE ROOM with a BENCH and it’s cold and dark.

NED. Dad, I’m going to go use the john.

BLAKE.Fine.

NED opens the door to the MEN’S BATHROOM. The first thing that hits NED’S nostrils is the foul stench of URINE. NED plugs his nose.

NED. (VO)I had never smelled gallons of urinebefore, but at that moment I wanted

10.

NED. (Continued.) (VO)to puke. If I wanted to survivefour years, I had better get used toit, because this was to be a commonoccurrence in among public Britishtoilets.

NED, EYES FIXATED ON A LONG URINE STAINED TRACK ON THE FLOOR. THE WALL IS WHITE AND MADE OF MARBLE. NED, he surmised this must be where one does his business. NED unzips his fly, holds his nose and does his business.

CUT TO. EXT. FULGROVE PARKING LOT-AFTERNOON.

A WHITE JAGUAR PULLS UP IN FRONT OF THE STATION. GLYNN POPS HIS HEAD OUT FROM THE DRIVERS SIDE. HE IS DRESSED IN WHITE OVERALLS AND A PAINTERS CAP WITH A BIG FAT GRIN ON HIS FACE.

GLYNN.If it isn’t the Livingston’s. Hopon in and I’ll show you where home is going to be.

THE LIVINGTON’S hop in. GLYNN, a sharp spin of the wheel and the JAGUAR heads out a side street and comes to a stop at the TRAIN CROSSING with LIGHTS FLASHING AND THE DING OF A BELL.

GLYNN.Train tracks. Thousands of themin this country.

NED. (VO)And thousands of train crossings were traffic was held at a standstill.

THE CROSSING FENCE SLOWLY RISES and GLYNN, puts on a burst of speed over the tracks. THE JAGUAR JUMPS THROUGH THE AIR. THE LIVINGSTON’S HOLD TIGHT. THE JAG LANDS WITH A THUD. THE LIVINGSTON’S thrown about like rag dolls. GLYNN takes his eyes of the road.

GLYNN.I rented this Jag in January. I’ve Always wanted a Jaguar. After one month, I couldn’t part with it. I

11.

GLYNN. (Continued.)had to have it? I dickered with thecar rental place and it ended up inmy hands.

NED looks up HORRIFIED. A LORRY BLARING THE HORN IS HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THEM. DARCY points with ALARM.

DARCY.Mr. Barrett! Mr. Barrett!

GLYNN sees the LORRY and at the last minute veers into the left lane.

GLYNN.Damn! Sometimes I forget I’m in England. Here they drive on the left.You’re going to have get used to that Blake.

BLAKE wipes the sweat off his brow.

BLAKE.Thanks Glynn, I’ll remember that.

GLYNN animated and eyes all over but the road.

GLYNNSo, how are you? How was the flight?How’s the jet lag. Did you sleep?

DARCY holds onto NED for dear life.

DARCY.Ned, I swear to god, he’s going tokill us. I’m gonna die in England.

CUT TO. EXT. SOUTHERN NEW HAMPSHIRE COLLEGE LITTLEFLEET CAR PARK-AFTERNOON.

GLYNN pulls into the empty clean parking and JAMS the CLUTCH and is out of the car, rubbing his hands with glee. HE POPS THE BOOT AND GRABS THE LUGGAGE. BLAKE looks around. THE CAMPUS IS

12.

NOT WHAT HE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. IT’S SHOCKINGLY CLEAN. NO RUBBLE as he had been told.

GLYNN.Here’s what we are going to do.Tonight, you’ll stay in West Wing.Then I’ll have you move in with Marlon, Kitty and their kids for a week or two.

NED. (VO)That would be great. A father with a mouth like a sailor andTwo sisters who took sibling Rivalry to a whole different level.

BLAKE.Marlon and Kitty are here?

GLYNN.Yes, of course. I couldn’t leaveMarlon out of this. He’s my Dean of Students.

BLAKE exchanges a look with EILEEN. This is a cause to be concerned.

GLYNN.Now Blake, Marlon is going toBring a little color to myAcademic staff.

BLAKE.Just as long as he left the arsenalof ammunition in his gun cabinet.

GLYNN.Oh, good lord Blake, The Englishnever would have allowed Marlonin with that.

THEY walk into the MANOR. IT’S CLEAN, NO HOLES IN THE WALL.

13.BLAKE.

Glynn how did you do this in…

GLYNN.One of the trustees found a differentconstruction company for me.

BLAKE.We have Trustees?

GLYNN.Yes, can’t run a college without money. Lord Francis Atherton-Hall. You’ll meethim tomorrow.

CUT TO. INT: WEST WING-MINUTES LATER

GLYNN LEADS THEM UP A SET OF STAIRS AND THEY PASS ANOTHER SERIES OF ROOMS UNTIL THEY COME TO THE END WITH AN APARTMENT. GLYNN OPENS THE DOOR. IT CONSISTS OF A SMALL LIVING SPACE WITH A SMALL ELECTRIC STOVE AND A LARGE BED AGAINST THE BACK WALL.

GLYNN.Honey how’s the roast coming?

ELIZABETH.It should be ready soon. Hello Eileen.

ELIZABETH offers EILEEN A WARM HUG.

EILEEN.It’s so good to see you Elizabeth.

BLAKE.Where are the kids Elizabeth?

ELIZABETH.They went off to London to see a rock concert.

CUT TO. INT: SMALL LIVING ROOM WEST WING-EVENING.

ELIZABETH clears the dishes. EILEEN rises to her feet.

14.

ELIZABETH.Sit down Eileen. You’ve had a longtrip. I’m sure jet lag is setting in.

EILEEN.I would prefer to help.

EILEEN helps ELIZABETH CLEAR. GLYNN pulls out a cigar and lights it and offers it to BLAKE. DARCY plugs her nose. GLYNN takes out a cigar for himself and lights it. BLAKE, puzzled.

BLAKE.Did you let Ivan go?

GLYNN.No of course not. Why would I letA genius like Ivan Trickler go?

BLAKE.On account that he got some fly bynight Construction company, whoweren’t properly certified to dothe job.

GLYNN.Blake these things happen.

NED senses tension between GLYNN and BLAKE. GLYNN turns his attention to NED. He’s a pleasant distraction.

GLYNN.So, Ned, young fella, what do you think?

NED.Think about what?

GLYNN.This. England, what you are about toexperience?

NED.I don’t know yet.

DARCY.I know what I think. It sucks.

15.

DARCY throws her napkin down storms out of the flat.

BLAKE.Darcy’s not taken to the idea yet.

GLYNN.Once she makes friends, she’s going to have a ball. So, Glynn how’s that Baseball? Have you kicked any field goals lately?

NED.That’s Football Mr. Barrett.

GLYNN.Huh. I must be getting my sportsmixed up again.

NED.Dad can I excuse myself from the table. I want to explore a little.

BLAKE.Yeah, go ahead Ned. Glynn and Ihave some things to discuss.

NED leaves the table.

CUT TO. INT. GYM-EVENING

NED. (VO)I was worried about Darcy. Sure, Darcy and I picked on each other and had our squabbles, but deep down, I looked up to my sister, because she didn’t take any guff. She was independentand opinionated. I found her in the gym taking out her anger on a trampoline.

WE FIND DARCY, BOUNCING OFF A TRAMPOLINE AND IN THE AIR AND ACROBATICALLY FLIPS AND LANDS AND BOUNCES UP AGAIN. NED ambles into the gym and looks around. HE WATCHES DARCY FLIP AGAIN AND THEN COMES TUMBLING DOWN. A COLD GLANCE AT NED and then she leaps up on a BALANCE BEAM LIKE ULGA CORBET. NED slumps against the wall and watches. DARCY senses something’s on his mind.

16.

NED.Why do you have to be such a snot aboutthis move?

DARCY.I didn’t ask to come here.

NED.Neither did I, but now that we arelet’s make the best of it.

DARCY.That’s it, follow along with mom And Dad, like you always do.

NED.Hey, that’s not fair. I left friends too you know. This is a change for me too. I don’t know if I’m gonna make any friends here. If I don’t…what then. That’s scary.

DARCY puts a warm arm around NED.

DARCY.Ned, you make friends a lot easier than I do.

NED.Do me a favor, make an effort.

DARCY.Give me a horse and I’ll make friends.

NED.Why?

DARCY.A horse doesn’t ask for anything.They are loyal and reliable. They don’t change personalities on you and don’t leave when it becomeshard for them.

17.

NED. (VO)As I sat there listening to my sister,I realized that she was talking about mom. I saw that her problems with mymother went much deeper than horses.

DARCY.I think I saw a ping pong table.

DARCY pulls NED up off the floor.

DARCY picks up a paddle and hits the ball back to NED and they play.

CUT TO. INT. GLYNN’S APARTMENT-EVENING.

ELIZABETH brings in some IRISH COFFEE.

EILEEN.Irish Coffee this is a treat.

GLYNN.I couldn’t resist. Eileen, I hopeyou don’t mind, but I have hiredKitty Grainger as a Co Manager.

EILEEN.No, not at all. It will be niceto have the help. Now I do havea question, have you found us thatthatched Cottage?

BLAKE.Eileen that’s gonna be a littleexcessive for rent.

GLYNN.Not really. I think one of thetrustees might be able to helpme out on that. I’ll ask hisLordship, he has properties allover the place.

FADE TO BLACK.

18.

END OF ACT ONE.

19.

ACT TWO.

FADE IN. INT. DORM ROOM-A FEW DAYS LATER

NED FUMBLES WITH SHEETS. EILEEN watches NED make a complete mess out of the job. A roll of EILEEN’S EYES. A quick SNUB OF HER CIGARETTE INTO A SMALL ASHTRAY. SHE snatches the sheet from NED.

EILEEN.Ned, this is the top and that’s the bottom.

EILEEN THROWS THE SHEET DOWN. THE SHEET LANDS PERFECTLY WITHOUT A WRINKLE. NED, SPEEDS UP THE PROCESS. He shoves the bottom of the sheet under the mattress. EILEEN inspects. Not good. A shake of the head tells NED he has failed in his job.

EILEEN.No, like this.

EILEEN folds a flap over the corner and tucks under.

EILEEN.Got it?

NED, perplexed.

EILEEN.Look why don’t you go to the canteenand get me a cup of coffee?

DARCY hands NED some change.

DARCY.Get me some too.

EILEEN.And get yourself a cup of cocoa.

NED.Thanks.

CUT TO. INT. LOBBY-DAY.

20.

NED FEEDS THE COFFEE MACHINE, PRESSES A BUTTON and instant COFFEE. HE takes out the coffee from the slot. A DILEMMA. ONE CUP OF COFFEE AND A CUP OF COCOA NEXT TO THE MACHINE. A SECOND CUP OF COFFEE in his hands. How to maneuver this? HE PUTS A CUP OF COFFEE UNDER HIS CHIN and then carries the other two in each hand. HE WALKS SLOWLY DOWN THE HALL TOWARDS THE DOOR AREA.He reaches the DORMS. OUT OF THE BLUE A FOOTBALL COMES HURTLING TOWARDS NED AND SMACKS HIM IN THE FACE. THE CONTENTS OF ALL THREE CUPS SPILL OVER HIM. NED looks up and sees TWO SIMON DORSETTS offer him a hand.

SIMON.Are you all right mate?

NED, DAZED reaches for one of the two hands he sees. HE MISSES. A SHAKE OF THE HEAD. ONE SIMON NOW and he pulls him up by his arm.

SIMON.So, are you all right?

NED.Yeah, I think so.

SIMON.American I would presume.

NED.You would presume right?

SIMON.Does your Dad work here?

NED.Yes, he does.

SIMON.My Dad’s working here as well.

NED.What’s your name?

SIMON.Simon Dorsett.

21.

NED.Ned Livingston.

SIMON.I take it you were taking thosehot beverages somewhere?

NED.I was. I guess I’ll have to geta refill.

SIMON.Listen mate, I was the one whokicked the Football in your face.This one is on me.

SIMON reaches into his pockets. ONLY HAP PENNY’S.

SIMON.Oh.

SIMON’s in luck. DANIEL appears from the back doors of the lobby. His mind is distracted and he’s in a hurry.

SIMON.Dad? Had a bit of a cockup herewith Ned.

DANIEL.Whose Ned?

SIMON.This American chap right here.

DANIEL.Oh, are you Blake’s son?

NED.Yes.

DANIEL.I’m Daniel Dorsett. What do you need Simon?

22.

SIMON.I accidently kicked my Football inNed’s face and his beverages wentall over.

DANIEL.Dear oh Dear oh dear. The rulesstill apply here as they do inthe house. What would your mumsay?

SIMON.Perish the thought Dad. I only have two hap penny’s.

DANIEL.Right. Let’s see what we have thenshall we?

DANIEL reaches into his pocket and finds enough change for two replacement coffees and a cocoa.

DANIEL.Oh, and Simon. Get something for yourself.

SIMON.Ta Dad.

DANIEL.Now, I must be off to that meeting.See you in a bit.

DANIEL leaves.

NED. (VO)My sister was right. I did makefriends easily. With that, Simonand I became friends and hung outall day. While Glynn held his firstboard meeting. One that was a bitchaotic.

CUT TO INT. BOARD ROOM SOUTHERN NEW HAMPHSHIRE COLLEGE-LITTLEFLEET-DAY

23.

LORD FRANCIS ATHERTON-HALL sits at the HEAD table. He observes GLYNN. A FIRM PACE, IN CONTROL WITH HANDS BEHIND HIS BACK. MARLON GRAINGER, a short man with a tuft of reddish curly hair and glasses rolls his eyes. GLYNN eyes move from one PROFESSOR TO ANOTHER. MARLON taps his cigarettes on the table.

MARLON.Goddam it Glynn sit the hell down.You’re making everyone jumpy.

GLYNN.No Marlon I would prefer to stand.I’m never comfortable sitting.

MARLONFor chrisake Glynn why are we having a meeting anyway?

GLYNN.Because, board meetings are important.Meetings are what puts everyone onthe same page.

MARLON shakes his PACK OF CIGARETTES and pulls one out with his lips and lights it and throw his GOLD LIGHTER ACROSS THE TABLE.

MARLON.Puts us on the same page for what Glynn?Bullshit! That’s all meetings are. They are a ludicrous waste of time.Where everyone can bloviate and comeup with these brilliant ideas that arenothing but pure and utter bullshit.

GLYNN.You know what I like about you Marlon?You’re crass honesty.

BLAKE, HEAD IN HANDS. DANIEL nudges BLAKE.

DANIEL.Now this chap is a real live wire.

BLAKE.He’s one of my poker buddies back

24.

BLAKE. (Continued.)in the states.

MARLON.Come on Blake, you know I’m right. You’ve said it yourself that boardmeetings are horseshit.

GLYNN, A FURROWED BROW IN BLAKE’S DIRECTION.

BLAKE.That is true Marlon, I may have said itonce, but this is a totally differentcircumstance. We are having an orientation in three days.

LORD FRANCIS a long unimpressed gaze in MARLON’S direction. A long drag off his cigarette.

LORD FRANCIS.Glynn is right. I concur with hisassessment. You should all be onthe same page.

MARLON, EXAMINES LORD FRANCIS’ ATTIRE. A nice pressed suit and tie, and perfectly manicured fingers. MARLON, EQUALLY UNIMPRESSED.

MARLON.Who let the frigging bourgeoisie in here?

GLYNN.Oh, I almost forgot, this is Lord FrancisAtherton-Hall. He’s on the Board of Trustees. He is our money guy.

NIGEL RUTHERBEE, a clean cut, with perfect red hair, glasses and a bushy moustache raises his hand.

GLYNN.Yes Nigel.

NIGEL RUTHERBEE.I thought I was the man with the money.

25.

NIGEL RUTHERBEE. (Continued.)After all you did hire me to be the Business Manager.

IVAN TRICKLER FRUSTRATED AND TIRED OF THIS CRAP.

IVAN.Bloody hell, can we all stop arguingand let Glynn set the agenda for themeeting.

GLYNN.Thank you. I really don’t have anagenda.

MARLON rolls his eyes.

MARLON.See what did I frigging tell you?Bullshit. Meetings are bullshit.

GLYNN.What I do have is a formal thankyou.

GLYNN looks around the room.

GLYNN.You have all done yeoman’s workYou have turned a small campusinto something to be proud of.Now that I have thanked you,I wish to discuss two items.When the students arrive, Iwant their every whim and needto be taken care of. Ivan weneed two hundred bicycles.

IVAN.Certainly, I know a bloke who sells them wholesale.

BLAKE.He’s not your cousin is he.

26.

IVAN.No, actually he’s my brother in law.

GLYNN.Our second topic of discussion. Let me be perfectly clear on this. I will not tolerate pot smoking on this campus. If it is found, I will resign as Director. Marlonas Dean of Students that is yourDepartment.

THE PROFESSORS AROUND THE TABLE ARE STUNNED THAT GLYNN WOULD SAY SUCH A THING.

GLYNN.Lastly, I don’t want these kidsboozing it up downtown. Therefore,we should try to keep them as activeon campus as much as possible.

IVAN.You’ll need a pub then.

GLYNN.A pub here on campus?

GLYNN, A FIRM GRIP ON IVAN’S SHOULDERS AND A LITTLE SHAKE.

GLYNN.Damned Ivan I knew there was a reasonwhy I hired you. This is my idea man.Ivan Trickler.

FADE TO BLACK.

END OF ACT TWO.

27.

ACT THREE.

FADE IN. INT BENTLEY. SOUTHERN NEW ENGLAND COLLEGE LITTLEFLEET CAR PARK-DAY

EVE ATHERTON-HALL, A WELL TO DO MIDDLE AGED BLONDE WOMAN, STYLISHLY DRESSED WEARING AN EXPENSIVE HAT glances at her watch. 11:45. EVE, shakes her head. This will not do.

ROSALYN.Oh Mummy, must we wait for Daddy much longer?

ROSALYN, a YOUNG SPOILED BLONDE TEENAGER with hair down to her shoulders sits with her arms folded.

ROSALYN.Can’t we go into Littlefleet?I want to go and have a scone at Belinda’s.

EVE.You’re right. This meeting has taken far too long. I shall havea pop in and see where they are at.Stay here.

EVE steps out of the car marches into the MANOR BUILDING. ROSALYN opens her compact and paints her lips. In the mirror she sees A SWIMMING POOL. She glances up at HOBBS, the Driver.

ROSALYN.Hobbs, are my swimming clothes stillin the boot of the car?

HOBBS.Yes, young mam.

ROSALYN.Then I’m going for a swim.

HOBBS.Mam, I am certain your Father willnot be much longer.

28.

ROSALYN.To hell with him. It’s oppressive in the car and I need a cool off.

HOBBS.All right young mam. Do as youmust.

HOBBS steps out of the car and POPS THE HOOD OF THE BENTLEY and hands ROSALYN her bathing suit. ROSALYN scurries away towards a large CLEAR SWIMMING POOL and disappears into A SMALL CHANGING SHED.

CUT TO. EXT. THE WEST WING FIELD-SAME DAY AND TIME.

SIMON AND NED kick the Football. NED punts the ball with the end of his toe.

SIMON.No mate, kick it with the side of your foot and don’t forget to trapthe ball.

SIMON DEMONSTRATES with a side footed pass to NED. NED traps the ball and looks up. ROSALYN appears from the changing room. SIMON becomes impatient. NED’S FALLEN IN LOVE WITH A VISION.

SIMON.Come on Ned, kick it.

NED.Who do you suppose that is?

SIMON turns towards the SWIMMING POOL.

SIMON.I dunno.

SIMON watches ROSALYN RUB HER ARMS WITH LOTION.

SIMON.You think she’s pretty?

29.

NED.Pretty? She’s gorgeous.

SIMON.Really? You and her? I can’t see it.

NED.What do you mean you can’t see it?

SIMON.She’s way out of your league mate.

NED.Simon, you’ve known me five minutes.You have no idea what my league is.

SIMON.I’ve known you an hour actually.

NED.Come on there is only one way to findout who this girl is and that’s to meet her.

SIMON.What? Now?

NED.Yes now.

SIMON.You’re crackers mate.

NED.No, I’m interested.

NED MARCHES DOWN THE FIELD. THEY CLIMB UP TOWARDS THE POOL. ROSALYN PREPARES TO DIVE.

NED.Hi there.

ROSALYN, STARTLED, LOSES HER BALANCE AND FALLS INTO THE POOL. THE HARSH COLD WATER HAS GIVEN ROSALYN ANOTHER START. SHE

30.

SWIMS QUICKLY TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE POOL.

ROSALYN.OH MY GOD THAT’S FREEZING!

ROSALYN jumps out of the pool. on the other side. A LONG HARD, COLD GLANCE I NED’S DIRECTION tells him he has stirred up a hornets nest.

ROSALYN.You! Who are you?

NED.Ned. Ned Livingston.

ROSALYN hears the American accent and scowls in disgust.

ROSALYN.Oh my god you’re American. Daddy alwayswarned me about the Irish and the Americans.

NED.You’re Daddy doesn’t know me.

ROSALYN.Shut up. I’m shivering. You!

ROSALYN POINTS AT SIMON. SIMON confused, points to himself.

ROSALYN.Yes you. Who else would I be talkingto? Bring me my towel.

SIMON reaches down. NED snatches the TOWEL before SIMON’S FINGERS TOUCH IT. NED ROLLS THE TOWEL INTO A TIGHT BALL AND TOSSES IT HARD TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE POOL. NOT enough power behind the throw. PLOP INTO THE WATER. IT UP IN A BALL AND TOSSES IT HARD TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE POOL. ROSALYN CLENCHES HER FISTS AND GRITS HER TEETH.

ROSALYN.OHHHH!!! You blasted simpleton!!!That is a twelve thousand pound towel embroidered from France!

31.

NED.Oops. Sorry about that.

SIMON.I told you she was out of your league.

ROSALYN.Your bloody sorry? Your bloody sorry!

NED.I am…..I didn’t catch the name.

ROSALYN.Ohh no. You don’t get my name.I reserve that right for peoplewho are not so inept.

NED.Listen I think I can make it upto you.

SIMON.Are you sure about that Ned?

NED.No, but what the hell, it’s wortha try.

ROSALYN.Just leave me alone.

CUT TO. INT. MANOR LOBBY-MOMENTS LATER.

EVE waits by the door. ATHERTON-HALL enters out of the BOARD ROOM WITH GLYNN AND BLAKE.

GLYNN.Lord Francis I would like for you tomeet my partner, Blake Livingston.

LORD FRANCIS examines BLAKE. Once again, he is not impressed.

ATHERTON-HALL.What do you do Mr. Livingston?

32.

GLYNN.Blake is the head of the theatre department.

ATHERTON-HALL a quick glance to EVE. IMPATIENT she shows him the time on her watch. ATHERTON-HALL taps his CIGARETTE CASE WITH A CIGARETTE. He is about to light it and then offers it to BLAKE.

BLAKE.No thanks. I just quit. The priceof cigarettes here is far more thanthe states.

ATHERTON-HALL.Yes, I imagine it would be. Theatre eh?

ATHERTON-HALL a quick thought comes to him.

ATHERTON-HALL.You should do Shakespeare. I loveShakespeare. You should do Coriolanus.

BLAKE grimaces at the thought.

GLYNN.He’d be more than happy to.

BLAKE smiles awkwardly.

GLYNN.Lord Francis, I was wondering if you might be able to help Blakeout.

ATHERTON-HALL.

What do you have in mind Glynn?

GLYNN.He and his wife are looking for a thatched cottage.

ATHERTON-HALL.Rather pricey wouldn’t you say Mr.Livingston?

33.

GLYNN.Yes, but I am sure you can come upWith something.

ATHERTON-HALL.Might I have a brief word with youMr. Barrett?

ATHERTON-HALL leads GLYNN towards the door. He glances over at EVE as she becomes increasingly upset.

ATHERTON-HALL.Shan’t be a moment Evie girl. Youhave put yourself in a rather precarious position. I bailedyou out and you now have yourcampus thanks to me. I do believe I am ahead of you twoto one. So, at this particulartime, I am afraid I cannot doyou anymore favors?

GLYNN.What if I were to twist the Trusteesarms a little? I could see to itthey vote you in as Chancellor?

ATHERTON-HALL in mid puff of his cigarette. The idea appeals to him.

ATHERTON-HALL.That could change things. I ownproperty over in Westerly.

ATHERTON-HALL approaches GLYNN.

ATHERTON-HALL.Livingston, I think I can helpyou after all. I just remembereda quaint sixteenth century piecein Westerly. Meet me there,a fortnight from Friday and we’llsee if you like it. How’s that?

34.

BLAKE.That would be wonderful LordFrancis.

ATHERTON-HALL marches out the door in tow with EVE.

ATHERTON-HALL.Eve, I thought I told you to waitin the car.

ROSALYN. (VO)Get away from me.

ATHERTON-HALL and EVE an urgent look towards ROSALYN’S VOICE. NED AND SIMON in pursuit of ROSALYN. SHE FUMBLES IN HER FLIP FLOPS.

NED.Look, let me make it up to you.

ROSALYN TURNS ON HER HEELS, CLENCHED FISTS.

ROSALYN.I’m telling you I don’t want anything from you.

ROSALYN TURNS ON HER HEELS TOWARDS THE CAR AS NED reaches out for ROSALYN’S ARM. ATHERTON-HALL snatches ROSALYN TO SAFETY.

ATHERTON-HALL.Excuse me, that is my daughter you aremanhandling. I want your name?

BLAKE, GLYNN AND DANIEL directed to the commotion. NED.

Ned Livingston.

BLAKE.What appears to be the problem LordFrancis?

ATHERTON-HALLYou’re son…

GLYNN pulls ATHERTON-HALL before he loses his temper.35.

GLYNN.What appears to be the problem Lord Francis?

ATHERTON-HALL.This son of Livingston’s manhandledmy daughter.

GLYNN.Oh, I see. Now you want to end ouragreement. I understand. I amsure, I can find another thatchedcottage for the Livingston’s. Theprice would be pretty steep foryou though.

ATHERTON-HALL backed into a corner.

ATHERTON-HALL.Tell Mr. Livingston, I will seehim in a fortnight at the cottage.

GLYNN.I will do that.

GLYNN SMILES PROUDLY. ATHERTON-HALL marches to the car. A FIRM TUG OF THE CAR DOOR AND HE IS IN. ROSALYN WHALES LIKE A CHILD INTO HIS ARMS.

ATHERTON-HALL.There, there dear. Daddy’s here.That big bad ruffian will notbother you again.

AS THE CAR DRIVES AWAY, ATHERTON-HALL stares at the crowd of academics contemptuously. He saves his last daggers for NED.

BLAKE.Ned, what exactly happened here?

SIMON.Mr. Livingston, your son fanciesLord Francis Atherton-Hall’s daughter.

36.

BLAKE.There’s nothing wrong in that Ned,but what did you do to upset her?

NED.I didn’t do anything Dad. I wasmerely trying to get to know hisdaughter.

DANIEL.Ned, shall I tell you something?

NED. (VO)Shall I tell you something was an oddquestion to ask, because the way Simon’sDad asked it meant he was going to tellme anyway. This seemed rather important.

DANIEL.Lord Francis is not someone you wishto trifle with. If I were you, I should tread lightly in regard to his daughter.

SIMON.I told you she was out of your league.

NED, A roll of his eyes in SIMON’S DIRECTION.

FADE TO BLACK.

END OF ACT THREE.

37.

ACT FOUR.

FADE IN. INT. THE GRAINGER’S BUNGALOW LITTLEHAMPTON ENGLAND-EVENING.

NED sits alone in his room. He tosses a BASEBALL IN THE AIR AND CATCHES IT.

NED. (VO)I had no idea why I had been banished to my room. Dad didn’t seem that mad, but Mom, well she thought I shouldn’t have frightened Lord Atherton-Hall’s daughter.

NED opens up a notepad and begins to write.

NED. (VO)Dear Chuck, here is my first Letter to you from England.Well, we made it. So far England hasn’t been too bad. Sure, it’s not like the states. Everyone drives onthe wrong side of the road inminiature cars. They all speakproper over here. I did makea friend. His name is Simon.My Dad is colleagues with hisDad at the college. Oh, and I also met a girl. A gorgeous girl. Her name is…

NED’S gone blank.

NED.My god what is her name? I forgotto ask her name! You idiot!

NED. (VO)Her name is Cecily.

NED thinks for a moment. A BROAD SMILE. HE HAS IT.

NED. (VO)Cecily Farquhar. Your brother

38.

NED. (VO)from another mother. Ned.

NED FLIPS OVER HIS PAD AND PUTS HIS PEN ON THE PAPER.

NED. (VO)Then I set about writing a letter toMarty.

NED stares at the blank page. What should he write?

NED. (VO)Dear Marty, how are you, I am fine. Nice weather we are having.

NED rips it up and starts again.

NED. (VO)Dear Marty, how are you, I am fine.I hope you are well. I am well.

NED rips it up again.

NED. (VO)Every time I started to write a letter to Marty, I sounded likea complete idiot. Had that onehug thrown me? Was our relationship now changed.

NED starts writing again.

NED. (VO)Dear Marty, how are you? I am fine. England is fine. The peopleare fine. Talk to you soon. Your pal Ned.

NED snatches an envelope and folds the letter up and puts it in with a stamp. HE TOSSES HIS BASEBALL IN THE AIR.

NED. (VO)I kept the letter short and simple.It was probably the worst letter,

39.

NED. (VO)I had ever written. I soundedboring. My life sounded boring.How could that be? Marty and IHad never had problems talkingbefore and now I could not thinkof one interesting thing to say.I hoped she wouldn’t be mad.

NED STARES AT THE CEILING. AN IMAGE OF ROSALYN comes into his head. SHE FALLS INTO THE POOL. NED comes out of it and smiles.

MARLON knocks on the door.

MARLON.Are you all right in there champ?

NED.Sure, fine Mr. Grainger.

MARLON.Dinner’s going to be ready shortly.Kitty and your mom are cooking together. It’s like tag teamwrestling. Your mom makes thethe potatoes, while Kitty makesthe steak.

NED nods.

MARLON.So, what did you do that got youthrown in prison anyway?

NED.I kind of got fresh with the Lord’sdaughter.

MARLON’S ears perk up. His FACE SHINES WITH DELIGHT.

NED. (VO)I’d seen that face before. Whenit came to matters of the oppositeSex, Marlon Grainger had to know what girl I was dating or who if

40.

NED. (VO)I had kissed a girl that day. I wasn’t surprised when he just said what he was thinking.

MARLON.What the hell did you do, swat heron the ass?

NED.No! I never swatted her on the ass.All I did was reach out for her arm.

MARLON.So, was she a hot dame?

NED. (VO)When Marlon used the word dame,He sounded like Jimmy Cagney.

NED.Yeah, she was pretty.

MARLON.No, no, no, Ned. Was she hot?

NED.She was pretty.

MARLON.On a scale of one to ten what was she?

NED. (VO)I couldn’t lie. In my mind thisgirl was a ten.

NED.A ten.

MARLON.Was she blonde, brunette, a redhead?

NED.Blonde.

41.

MARLON.That’s good. I always preferred blonde’s myself. You’ve gotgood taste Ned. Are you gonnasee her again?

NED.I don’t know. If Lord Atherton-Hallis involved with the college, maybeI will.

MARLON.You will. Orientation is coming up.I’m sure Atherton-Hall will be there.

NED.I hadn’t thought of that, butWhat about Atherton-Hall? IWant to apologize to her.

MARLON.Yeah, and you need to get her alone right.

NED.Somehow, yes.

MARLON.You’ll need some sort of distraction.

NED.Yeah, a distraction. What kind ofdistraction?

MARLON.I don’t know kid, I haven’t gottenthat far yet. After dinner, I’msure, I’ll have an idea. You stickwith me kid, Uncle Marlon will steer you in the right directionwhen it comes to girls.

WE HEAR A WOMAN CLEAR HER THROAT. NED and MARLON stare in the direction of EILEEN peeking through the door.

42.

EILEEN.What were you too talking about?

MARLON.The Red Sox. We both think theycan win the World Series this year.

EILEEN.Marlon, I don’t believe I haveHeard you, Blake or Ned talk aboutThe Red Sox.

MARLON, senses he’s been caught in a lie. A QUICK SCRAMBLE FOR THE DOOR. EILEEN steers MARLON outside. EILEEN a soft warm smile as she HOLDS A BUTTER KNIFE CLOSE TO HIS STOMACH.

EILEEN.Marlon, I liked you. You’re a devil, but I like you. If you’re giving my son advice about how to see Lord Atherton-Hall’s daughter, you will be answering to me.

MARLON.You heard?

EILEEN NODS WITH A SMILE. SHE WIPES THE BUTTER KNIFE OFF WITH HER APRON.

MARLON.Kitty! I’m coming to carve the roast.

CUT TO. EXT. WEST WING LAWN SOUTHERN NEW ENGLAND COLLEGE LITTLEFLEET-DAY

FROM THE DORM ROOMS WE HEAR, CROSBY, STILLS, NASH AND YOUNG’S FOUR DEAD IN OHION FROM THE DORM ROOM. THE SONG SO LOUD IT FILLS THE WHOLE CAMPUTS. WE COME UPON A LARGE TENT WITH A CANOPY. A LONG LINE OUTSIDE THE TENT PREPARING FOR A SUMPTIOUS FEAST. WE WATCH THE KITCHEN STAFF ROLL LARGE TROLLIES OF FOOD. FACULTY AND STUDENTS MINGLE GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER. AT THE BACK OF THE LAWN A RAISED STAGE WITH A PODIUM. EMBLAZENED ACROSS THE PODIUM, “SOUTHERN NEW HAMPSHIRE COLLEGE ORIENTATION

43.

FALL 1971. GLYNN, BEAMS with pride. HE GIVES BLAKE A GOOD FIRM SQUEEZE OF HIS SHOULDER as he talks to a THEATRE STUDENT. A SPREAD OF FOOD PRESENTS ITSELF TO NED. LASAGNA, SPAGHETTI, POTATO SALAD, BARBEQUE CHICKEN, HAM, SALAD AND SANDWICHES, DARCY looks at all the meat and is about to throw up.

DARCY.Don’t they have anything vegetarian?

NED.Salad.

DARCY.No. I want humus or quinoa.

NED.Sorry Darcy, I guess you’re fresh out of luck.

NED digs right in. SIMON is right behind with DANIEL.

SIMON.This is a nice dinner, wouldn’tyou say Ned?

NED.Yeah.

NOAH. (VO)This is standard for any collegepicnic. Personally, I would prefer a lot more veg. The idea of eating the carcass of a dead cow does not appeal to my pallet.

NED looks over SIMON’S SHOULDER AT NOAH, 17, MEDIUM BUILT WITH LIGHT SANDY HAIR and a warm smile.

SIMON.This is my vegetarian brother.

NED.Hi.

NED waves. 44.

DARCY. (VO)Not a meat fan eh?

NOAH takes a glance to DARCY. A warm smile comes across his face. He likes what he sees.

NOAH.No. It’s rather capitalist. I meanafter all what are they doing? Theyare killing cow, or chicken just tomake money. Am I wrong?

DARCY.No, I think what you’re sayingmakes sense.

NOAH can’t stop grinning in DARCY’S DIRECTION.

DARCY.Darcy Livingston. You are?

NOAH.Noah Dorsett. I’m this little prat’s brother.

NOAH gives SIMON a hard noogie on the head.

SIMON.Oi! Watch it, you daft Spurs supporter.

NOAH.Better to be a Spurs supporter thanA Chelsea supporter. May I ask yourname my dear?

DARCY.Darcy Livingston.

NOAH.Since we share the same gross hatredfor meat, I suggest we discuss thisfurther over by one of those benches.

45.

DARCY.Sure, that sounds good.

NED smiles as he watches DARCY walk off with NOAH.

NED. (VO)It was the first time I’d seenDarcy genuinely happy since myparents mentioned the move.Now that she was here, she hadmade a connection with a boy,who seemed very nice.

SIMON AND NED TAKE A SEAT UP BY THE POOL, WHICH IS FILLED WITH ACTIVITY FROM STUDENTS TO FACULTY

SIMON.Shall I tell you something?

NED. (VO)There it was again. Shall Itell you something.

SIMON.I heard something rather interesting about the chapelthe other day.

SIMON pulls in NED in for a private conference.

SIMON.Inside the chapel is a secretpassage?

NED.Really?

SIMON.Yes.

NED.Where does it go?

SIMON.I dunno. Maybe if we find it,

46.

SIMON. (Continued.)we can discover where it comesout.

NED. (VO)With that, Simon’s new adventure hadmade me forget about my confusionwith both Marty and Rosalyn. Soonthe adventure would be on.

FADE TO BLACK.

END OF ACT FOUR.

47.

ACT FIVE.

FADE IN. INT. CHAPEL-DAY

BLAKE takes a small group of THEATRE STUDENTS THROUGH the small chapel. IT IS A CRAMPED SPACE at the back of the CHAPEL is a set of steps that lead up to a SMALL ENCLOSED BOX. The playing space is a small step up. AN ARCHWAY PAINTED BLACK leads into the back. SIMON and NED sneak in the back and take a seat in the metal seats.

BLAKE.Now this may not look like much.Think of this space as the Juniper version of The Muddy River Playhouse.

CHARLES, a young STUDENT with long thick blonde hair and a bushy moustache examines the space. He nods.

CHARLES.Yeah, I can see that.

SANDRA, A petite girl in sandals and a tie-dyed shirt is puzzled.

SANDRA.Blake, what are you going to dothis fall?

THE CHAPEL DOOR SLAMS WITH A BANG.

ATHERTON-HALL.Coriolanus.

THE GROUP OF STUDENTS turn their attention to ATHERTON-HALL. He lights a cigarette. BLAKE an awkward smile.

ATHERTON-HALL.Isn’t that what we agreed on Blake?

BLAKE.Lord Francis, I haven’t decided about

48.

BLAKE. (Continued.)

that yet? ATHERTON-HALL enters the room.

ATHERTON-HALL.Why not? This is the perfect spacefor it?

NED. (VO)If there was one Shakespeare productionmy father did not want to do it wasCoriolanus. He hated it. To him,Shakespeare had badly constructed The play. He didn’t like it’sLaborious nature. It would be a Bear to direct in such a confinedSpace.

SANDRA.Are you really going to do CoriolanusBlake?

BLAKE.Sandra I am looking at a number ofplays.

ED FIGLEY, a smallish student in his twenties with bushy black hair and a beard TAKES A DRAG off his cigarette.

ED FIGLEY.Like what Blake?

BLAKE.Something American. Maybe a Williamsor something by O’Neill.

ATHERTON-HALL.Trite. Everyone does O’Neill and Williams. Even here. Why not challenge your actors Blake with some good solid Shakespeare? Coriolanus would be my choice.

The hairs on the back of BLAKE’S neck stand on end. 49.

ROSALYN enters the CHAPEL.

ROSALYN.Daddy, mummy says that Glynn is goingto speak and she thinks you should bethere.

ATHERTON-HALL.Rosalyn I’ll be there in a moment.

ROSALYN leaves the Chapel. NED sneaks out to follow her. SIMON panics and follows him. ROSALYN reaches a little glass TUNNELL and is about to enter when…

NED.Ms. Atherton-Hall.

ROSALYN refuses to address NED. THE AMERICAN ACCENT IS LIKE CHALK ON A BLACKBOARD TO HER.

ROSALYN.Are you following me again?

NED.No. I stand at a safe distance fromyou.

ROSALYN doesn’t trust this but is curious, so he turns around. NED tells the truth. He stands about ten feet away from her.

ROSALYN.What is it Mr. Livingston?

NED.I wanted to say that I am sorryfor my rude behavior yesterday.I certainly did not mean tostartle you at the pool andI am sorry for throwing yourembroidered French towel inthe water. I also wanted todefend one action. I wasnot trying to manhandle youin any way, I was merely trying to make you hear my apology,

50.

SIMON.You rehearsed that didn’t you.

NED.All night. Do you accept my apology?

ROSALYN.I accept your apology, however, Iwould like to make one observation.It is so typical of you Americans.You always have to have the lastword don’t you?

NED furrows his brow.

NED.Now hang on one second…Ms…Ms…Ms…What is your first name anyway?

ROSALYN.I don’t see that it much matters.After today, I don’t think wewill be seeing each other. Ifour paths cross again, then Iwould very much appreciate it,if you would address me as Ms.Atherton-Hall. Good day Mr.Livingston.

ROSALYN disappears into the glass tunnel hallway which leads back towards the lobby where the gym is located.

SIMON.Are you done with this senseless obsession now?

NED.Yup. Let’s go exploring.

ATHERTON-HALL so enraged he CRUNCHES THE PEBBLES UNDER HIS FEET and without looking SMASHES right into NED. NED tumbles to the ground.

51.

ATHERTON-HALL.

It’s you again, is it?

NED.I guess it is.

NED extends his hand expecting ATHERTON-HALL to guide him to his feet.

ATHERTON-HALLListen boy, you stay away from my daughter.

ATHERTON-HALL storms past him and disappears into the GLASS TUNNEL. SIMON helps NED up to his feet. THEY watch BLAKE lead the group of THEATRE STUDENTS OUT OF THE CHAPLE and head towards the WEST WING OF THE COLLEGE.

SIMON.Shall we explore the chapel for anyhidden signs of tunnel?

NED.Good idea.

SIMON and NED enter the CHAPEL in the dark.

SIMON.Would you switch light on?

NED fumbles around for the switch. He finds the knob and turns it on.

NED.Do you know where we should look?

SIMON.I haven’t a clue.

NED.You haven’t a clue. I thought yousaid there was a hidden passage inhere?

52.

SIMON.

I did, but I didn’t say where it was did I? My best bet would be a loosestone in the floor. Check over there.

CUT TO. EXT. WEST WING LAWN-SAME TIME-DAY

IVAN steps up to the podium and addresses the crowd.

IVAN.Hello, my name is Ivan Trickler. I am the Southern New HampshireCollege Community liaison.

BLAKE whispers in GLYNN’S EAR.

BLAKE.Community Liaison?

GLYNN.I had to bestow some title to Ivan.After all, he gave me the ideafor this.

BLAKE.Glynn about Ivan. Do you reallythink he should be given sucha title.

GLYNN.Blake, I’m beginning to sense youdon’t like Ivan.

BLAKE.Glynn, it’s not that I don’t likehim…

GLYNN.Good, then let’s support the man.

GLYNN and BLAKE watch IVAN.

IVAN.Now I want to assure every student,That we have secured enough bicycles

53.

IVAN. (Continued.)

For the whole campus. There is abooth set up to rent a bike of your choosing for a nominal feeof one hundred pounds.

BLAKE’S EYES BALLOON.

BLAKE.We’re charging the students forrenting bikes? Glynn this is notright.

GLYNN.Look, I’ll have a word with him.I’ll straighten it out.

CUT TO. INT. CHAPEL-DAY SAME TIME

SIMON searches by the STAINED-GLASS WINDOW. NED in the middle of the STAGE AREA. SIMON STOMPS ON THE STONE FLOOR. NED, PUZZLED BY IT.

NED.What are you doing?

SIMON.Searching for a loose stone.

NED, shrugs why not and STOMPS UP ON THE STAGE.

SIMON.Any hollow sounds over there?

NED.No. I’m going back towards the door.

NED walks along the door AND STOMPS ON THE FLOOR. NOTHING. THEN HIS ATTENTION IS DIRECTED TO THE BOXED IN AREA. CURIOUS to see what’s in there he opens a TINY DOOR. HE NOTICES ELECTRICAL WIRES RUNNING FROM A LIGHTING BOARD DOWN INTO THE WOODEN FLOOR. HE spots a small trapped door. HE opens it and finds a hole and THE STONE FLOOR UNDERNEATH. NED jumps down and CRASHES TO THE FLOOR. HE FEELS A STONE MOVE.

54.

NED.

Simon? I think I found something.

SIMON CLIMBS INTO THE BOX AND LOOKS DOWN AT THE TRAP DOOR INTO THE FLOOR. HE CRAWLS DOWN ON THE FLOOR. NED RUNS HIS FINGERS ALONG THE LOOSE STONE.

SIMON.Do you need a torch?

NED looks up.

NED.Where are we going to get a torch?

SIMON.From my handy pocketknife.

SIMON pulls out a POCKETKNIFE. He counts back four on the knife and PRIES OPEN A SMALL FLASHLIGHT and PRESSES A SMALL BUTTON AND INSTANT LIGHT.

NED.That’s not a torch. That’s aflashlight.

SIMON ROLLS HIS EYES.

SIMON.A torch is a flashlight you twit.

NED.Oh, I learned a new English word today.

SIMON THROWS IT DOWN. NED CATCHES IT.

NED.A torch.

CUT TO-EXT-WEST WING SOUTHERN NEW HAMPSHIRE COLLEGE-DAY

IVAN wraps up his speech.

IVAN.I give you the Director of our

55.

IVAN. (Continued.)

new English campus Glynn Barrett.

GLYNN steps onto the stage. HE SHAKES IVAN’S HAND WARMLY AND GIVES HIM A SLAP ON THE BACK. GLYNN PUTS HIS HANDS IN HIS POCKETS AND LOOKS OUT AT THE CROWD OF STUDENTS ALL EATING DINNER. A round of applause. GLYNN BEAMS.

GLYNN.Thank you, Ivan. Thank you. I wantto thank you for such and enthusiasticwelcome. Here we are. This dream ofmine started in a little pub calledThe Horse and Carriage in Dorchester.I wouldn’t have come up with thisidea, if it weren’t for thrashing thelocal darts champion Ivan Trickler.

WE MOVE THROUGH THE CROWD. EILEEN and BLAKE watch from the side. EILEEN searches the lawn. She leans into BLAKE.

EILEEN.Where are the kids?

DANIEL. (VO)One of mine is chatting up your daughter.

DANIEL directs EILEEN to a small BENCH where DARCY and NOAH chat.

EILEEN.Oh. What about Ned?

DANIEL.I am not sure of that.

NORMA puts her fingers between DANIEL’S FINGERS.

NORMA.I thought I saw them go over tothe Chapel about a half hour ago.

BLAKE.As soon as Glynn is done, I’ll go

56.

BLAKE. (Continued.)search for them.

GLYNN.Your education is my education. Nowwithout going any further I wouldlike to introduce to you a manwhose digs have taken him as faras Marrakesh. We are delightedto have a renowned Archeologiston our staff. I give you GwynnCharles.

GWYNN CHARLES A PLUMP MAN WITH FRAZZLED SALT AND PEPPER HAIR RISES UP ONTO THE STAGE. He shakes GLYNN’S HAND AND ADJUSTS THE MICROPHONE.

GWYNN EDWARDS.Thank you, Glynn, for offering methis grand opportunity. As part of my class, I plan on giving many of you a chance at some real hands onArcheology. Today I announce to youthat we will have a dig here on WestWing.

THE STUDENTS cheer and applaud.

CUT TO. INT. CHAPEL-DAY

NED hops out of the trap door.

NED.I need something like a crowbar.

SIMON looks around the small contained space. A SCREWDRIVER.

SIMON.How’s this?

NED.It might do. Let me see.

NED jumps down.

57.

SIMON.How much room is down here?

NED.Not much.

NED ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES. He uses the screwdriver to scrape away dirt from the edge of the stone. SIMON leaps down and kicks NED in the head.

NED.Ow! Watch it.

SIMON.Sorry mate, when you loosen thatyou’ll need some help.

NED scrapes and scrapes. HE FEELS IT COME LOOSE. HE PULLS HARD and lands on top of SIMON.

SIMON.That’s it Ned. You’ve done it.

NED looks at the floor. A GIANT HOLE. HE FLASHES THE TORCH DOWN THE HOLE. IT’S DARK and there is a small METAL LADDER.

NED.By Jove Watson, I do believe you are right. There is a passageway.

NED CLIMBS DOWN WITH THE TORCH IN HIS TEETH. SIMON FOLLOWS.NED MOVES THE FLASHLIGHT THROUGH THE PASSAGE. HARD WET STONE WALLS.

SIMON.Bloody hell. I wonder where this leads? then?

NED.Follow me and you might just find out.

FADE TO BLACK.

END OF EPISODE.