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Pseudo Heartby Marie Kaminski

Characters:Nurse- Sarah Schumer’s nurse; mid-twenties

Sarah Schumer- Veronica’s mother; 37 years old; sick with Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy, a deadly heart disease. Veronica Schumer- 17 years old; Sarah Schumer’s daughter; on the shorter side; clothing makes her look like an edgy super-model.

Jedediah Sims- 16 years old; on the taller side; nerdy clothing; funny and energetic.

Scene 1

(The play begins in a school hallway. It’s the end of the school day. Veronica shuts her locker and Jedediah approaches her. Veronica doesn’t notice him and walks past

him.)

JEDEDIAHVeronica! Hey, wait up!

(Jedediah grabs Veronica’s arm. Veronica stops and looks at Jedediah.)

D-Do you want to go with me to the Muse concert next Friday?

VERONICAI can’t, Jedediah.

JEDEDIAHWhat? Why? Do you not like the band or something?

VERONICANo! No, it’s not that….it’s just— I don’t have any money.

JEDEDIAHI already paid for our tickets, though.

VERONICA(Sighs.)

I-I can’t, Jedediah. I’ve got something important to do after school that day.

JEDEDIAHWhy? What is it that’s so important?! I thought you said you could come yesterday!

VERONICA(Pulling her arm free of Jedediah’s grip. She begins to walk away from Jedediah.)

I have to work at Red Robin’s that day, remember? I have a job, unlike you, and—

(Interrupted by Jedediah.)

JEDEDIAHHey! What’s that supposed to mean!?

VERONICACollege doesn’t pay itself y’know. My mother doesn’t have the means to pay for it— and it’s not like my father’s around.

JEDEDIAHI know! I know that! It’s just, well, you need a break from waitressing and I thought you’d like to go with me.

VERONICA(Veronica’s phone buzzes, she checks it.)

I-I’m sorry, Jedediah, but I gotta go. My mom is wondering where I’m at. We can talk about this later, okay?

JEDEDIAHO-Okay…. Yeah, that’s fine! I’ll see you tomorrow!

(VERONICA and Jedediah wave to each other as Veronica walks offstage, leaving Jedediah alone in the empty hallway. The lights go down on the scene.)

Scene 2(The lights go up on a kitchen. Sarah, Veronica’s mother, is cooking at the stove. Veron-

ica enters through the kitchen door, placing her backpack by the door and kicking off her shoes before sitting down at the table in the center of the room.)

SARAHHey honey! How was school today?

VERONICA(Sighs.)

It was okay, I guess. Jedediah invited me to go to the Muse concert with him next Friday.

SARAHAnd? What did you tell him?

VERONICAI told him that I had work that day.

(Beat.)

SARAH

(Shakes her head and sighs in disapproval.)I thought you were going to go with him. I told you to take the day off work! They’re not going to need you that much or anything. You deserve a break, honey.

VERONICAYeah, Yeah. That’s what he said. I need to go to college, Mom— you even said it yourself! Oth-erwise I’ll be working at McDonalds.

SARAH(Beat.)

Well, you’re old enough to make that call on your own, honey, but as your mother I suggest you go to the concert.

(Sarah stops to lean against the back of a chair, breathing heavy. She looks pale.)

VERONICAUm, Mom? Are you okay? You’re lookin' a little pale. Sit down, I’ll get you some water.

(Sarah nods then sits down in a chair while Veronica gets up and fills a glass with water and hands it to her mother.)

SARAH(Takes the glass of water from Veronica.)

Thanks honey. I just…. haven’t been feeling so great….

(Sarah faints, dropping the glass of water. Veronica rushes to her mother’s side.)

VERONICA(Beat. Frantic.)

Mom! Mom!

(Beat. Veronica pulls out her phone.)Nine-One-one we have an emergency!

(The lights go down on the scene as Veronica begins to wail, attempting CPR. Sarah, lying on the floor.)

Scene 3(The scene begins in the same school hallway as before. Veronica, with head phones in

her ears and listening to music, shuts her locker and Jedediah approaches her from behind.)

JEDEDIAH(Walks up behind Veronica and taps her on the shoulder. Veronica turns around, taking a

earbud from her ear.)Whatcha listening to?

VERONICA

(Briefly looks at her phone then back up at Jedediah.)Uh, “Dead Inside” by Muse…why?

JEDEDIAHWhat? Really? That’s one of my favorite songs!

VERONICA(Glares at Jedediah. Sarcastic.)

That’s cool. Never woulda guessed the guy with an emo taste in music would like Muse of all things.

JEDEDIAHHey! What’s that supposed to mean? Y’know, rock is a very respectable genre of music, Veron-ica!

(While Jedediah is still speaking, Veronica puts the earbud back in her ear and walks off. Jedediah notices.)

What? Hey! I’m still talking to you Veronica!(Jedediah goes after her, grabbing her arm.)

JEDEDIAH (Cont’d)Hey, Veronica! Wait up a sec!

(Veronica stops and glares at Jedediah.)

VERONICA(Removes the earbud from her ear again. Annoyed.)

What do you want, Jedediah?

JEDEDIAH(Hesitates.)

I… I was wondering if you wanted to, y’know, grab something to eat with me? Like maybe get McDonalds or something? Discuss music maybe?

VERONICANo.

JEDEDIAHHuh? What is it? Do you not like McDonalds or something? If you want we can go grab dough-nuts instead.

VERONICAI can’t.

JEDEDIAHWhy?

(Beat.)

VERONICA I-I just can’t. I’m busy.

JEDEDIAHOh. Okay.

(Beat.)

So, where are you going?

(Veronica suddenly becomes tense, guarded. Her hands are balled into fists.)

VERONICAThat ain’t any of your business, now is it, Jedediah?

(Veronica removes her arm from Jedediah’s grip. Jedediah stares atVeronica as she exits the stage.)

JEDEDIAH

Wait! Veronica!

VERONICA(From off-stage.)

Just leave me alone, Jedediah!

(Jedediah promptly exits on the opposite side of the stage.The lights go down on the scene.)

Scene 4(The lights go up on Veronica, who is now in a hospital room, sitting in a chair

by her mother, Sarah Schumer, who is lying in a hospital bed, appearing to be asleep. There is a brief moment of silence before nurse enters the room carrying a clip board.)

VERONICA(To NURSE)

How is she? Is she doin’ any better?

NURSE(Hums and writes something on her clipboard before turning to Veronica.)

Well, she’s not doing any worse, if that’s what you mean.

VERONICAHas her condition changed? Do they have an official diagnosis yet?

(Beat.)NURSE

Miss—(Gets interrupted by Sarah.)

SARAH(Sighs.)

You know, Veronica, I can hear you.

(Veronica rushes over to her mother.)

VERONICAMom! You’re awake! How are you feeling?

(Beat.)

SARAHBetter, now that I’ve rested. But, to answer your question, they said they should have one in by tomorrow evening at the earliest. Whatever it is, though, they didn’t sound too happy.

(Beat.)

VERONICAOh….. Okay. You’re gonna be okay, right?

SARAH(Sighs.)

I’ll be just fine, honey. No need to get yourself worked up about it.

VERONICAB-but Mom! You almost died, like, a couple weeks ago! That ain’t nothing!

(Beat.)

SARAHI know, honey. It’s just that….

(Takes Veronica’s hand gently.)

You shouldn’t be the one having to worry about me. I should be worrying about you. I’m your mother. Don’t lose sleep over something like this, it’s not worth it.

VERONICA(Takes a deep breath. Pause.)

Do you want me to stay the night? Do you want me to get you anything?

SARAHI don’t need anything right now. Go home and get some rest, honey. Don’t worry, I’m going to be just fine.

VERONICA A-Are you sure? I’m fine keeping you company.

SARAH (Yawns.)

Well, you could tell me about how school went today.

VERONICA(Rolls her eyes.)

It…it was fine, I guess.

SARAH(Closes her eyes. She hums in contentment then smirks.)

Alright… if you say so. Sounds like something interesting happened, though.

VERONICA(Groans.)

Mom!

(The nurse exits the room. Veronica and her mother are laughing. The lights go down on the scene.)

Scene 5(The scene begins in the same school hallway as before. Veronica is about to leave before she is approached by Jedediah, who’s out of breath.)

JEDEDIAH(Breathing heavily.)

Veronica…. before you go, I need to ask you something.

VERONICAYeah? What is it?

JEDEDIAHAre you doing okay? Don’t lie to me either— I want the truth.

VERONICA(Sighs.)

I’m fine, Jedediah. Now why are you really here?

JEDEDIAHHey, I’m just concerned about you! You’ve been acting really weird lately and kinda standoffish. Is everything okay?

VERONICA(Annoyed.)

What do you mean I’ve been acting weird? I’m doin’ just fine, thank you very much.

JEDEDIAH

Are you sure? You’ve been ignoring me lately, too. Did I do something wrong?

VERONICA(Nervous.)

N-No I haven’t. I-I have no idea what you’re talking about!

JEDEDIAHReally? Come on, Veronica! You know it, I know it. You’re a horrible liar! Just admit it, You’ve been ignoring me.

VERONICAI—I… Ugh, fine! I’ve been avoiding you! There! Happy?

JEDEDIAHWhy?

(Beat.)

VERONICA Why am I even talking to you anyways? I have more important things to do than just standing here and arguing with you.

JEDEDIAHOh, and what are these other important things?

(Beat.) Wait a minute…did something happen?

(Veronica suddenly becomes tense, guarded. Her hands ball into fists.)

VERONICAI told you already, Jedediah. Keep your nose out of my business!

(Jedediah stares at Veronica as she exits the stage.)

JEDEDIAHVeronica! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry, I was just curious! Wait! Veronica!

(Jedediah promptly exits on the opposite side of the stage.The lights go down on the scene.)

Scene 5

(The lights go up on Sarah’s hospital room again. Sarah is lying in her hospital bed, awake, as Veronica enters the room.)

SARAHHey honey! How was school today?

VERONICA(Beat.)

Fine. Jedediah keeps bothering me, as usual.

SARAHJedediah? And how’s he?

VERONICAHe’s doing fine, Mom. I just want you to worry about getting better.

SARAHBut, Veronica—

(Sarah is interrupted when the nurse enters the room, checks Sarah’s vitals, then leaves. There is a brief moment of silence.)

VERONICAAnyways, how’ve you been?

(Beat.)

SARAHUm, okay… I guess. A little boring though, being confined to the same room for days.

(Pause.)

Honey, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about….

VERONICA What is it?

SARAHIf I don’t make it—

(Sarah is cut off by Veronica.)

VERONICAWhat? No! Mom, don’t think like that! You’re not going to die!

SARAHVeronica, you’re going to have to face a conversation like this sooner or later. Might as well be now.

VERONICANo I won’t because you’re going to get through this!

SARAH(Warning.)

Veronica….

VERONICA

I told you to drop it! I’m seventeen, I can handle myself if things do turn out that way.

(Brief silence.)

SARAHYou know you can do other things besides staying with me all the time, right?

VERONICA(Nods.)

Yeah. I know.

(The lights go down on the scene as Veronica gets up and leaves the hospital room.)

Scene 6(The lights go up on the school hallway again. Veronica closes her locker and Jedediah

approaches her. Veronica tries to walk past him unnoticed.)

JEDEDIAHHey, Veronica!

VERONICA(Veronica stops and sighs, turning around to look at Jedediah.)

What is it now, Jedediah? I told you yesterday that I didn’t appreciate idiots snooping around in my business.

JEDEDIAHI swear it’s not like that this time! I-I-I just….

VERONICA(Impatiently.)

What? What is it?

JEDEDIAH(Hesitantly)

I have something I wanted to give you, y’know, in case you needed anything.

VERONICA(Confused.)

Huh?

JEDEDIAHHere.

(Jedediah hands Veronica a small slip of paper. Veronica hurriedly takes the paper fromJedediah.)

VERONICA(Stunned.)

I don’t understand….

JEDEDIAH(Confused.)

Don’t understand what?

VERONICA(Puzzled, mildly annoyed.)

Why are you so insistent on talking to me? It’s not like we have any classes together or anything and I only know you because I sit with Hannah at your lunch table. So, why….?

JEDEDIAHWell…. I-I—

(Veronica cuts him off.)

VERONICA(Frustrated.)

Y’know what? I suddenly don’t care anymore. Bye.

(Veronica storms offstage. Jedediah grins triumphantly as the lights go down on the scene.)

Scene 7

(Lights go up on the hospital room, Sarah lying half-asleep in her hospital bed. Veronica storms into the hospital room, quickly followed by the nurse.)

NURSEMiss, I’m going to have to ask you to calm down—

(Veronica cuts the nurse off.)

VERONICALike hell I will! That little punk…. who does he think he is?!

(Veronica rips up the piece of paper and throws it into a nearby trashcan.)

SARAH(Now wide awake, sitting upright in her hospital bed.)

Veronica, honey, what is it?

(Beat.)

VERONICA

(Angrily)Jedediah! That little—!

(Veronica is interrupted by Sarah.)

SARAHI’m sure he’s taller than you, honey.

VERONICA—thought he could get away with giving me his phone number! Told me that, if I needed to, I could call him whenever. Why can’t he understand that I’m not some sick puppy! I’m fine, thank you very much. I can handle my problems on my own!

(Huffs.)

SARAH(Chuckles.)

He just wants to be friends with you, honey, that’s all. You’re a hard person to talk to.

VERONICAAnd what’s that supposed to mean?

(Beat.)

Oh, now that I think about it, did they give you your official diagnosis yet?

SARAHYeah. They said it’s Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy—

(Sarah begins to cough violently, clutching her chest. The nurse quickly rushes into the room. Veronica hurriedly goes to her mother’s bedside.)

VERONICA (Alarmed.)Mom!

SARAH(Brushes off both the nurse and Veronica.)

I—I’m fine, I’m fine. Just another coughing fit.

NURSE(Fussing with some medical equipment.)

Mrs. Schumer, does your chest hurt? Do you want me to go get the doctor?

SARAH(Shakes her head.)

No, I’m fine. There’s no need to get a doctor. I’ll be fine.

VERONICA

Mom, you’re obviously not fine!

SARAH(Breathing Heavily.)

I’m fine, nothing to worry about.

VERONICAAre you sure? I can get you some water, if you want.

SARAH(Firmly.)

I told you! I’m fine, Veronica. Go sit back down.

VERONICA(Sitting down in the chair by her mother’s bedside.)

O-okay.

(The nurse exits the hospital room.)

VERONICA (Cont’d)So, what exactly is Hyperwhatsit Cardiomytropathy?

SARAHIt’s Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy, honey. My heart muscles are just thicker than normal, that’s all. Meaning my blood flow isn’t as much as yours.

VERONICAOh. That’s not good right?

SARAHNo, not really. They’re surprised I survived cardiac arrest, the disease makes it so it’ll almost certainly kill yah.

VERONICA(Pauses.)

Oh.

SARAH(Sighs.)

Yeah, it’s not the most ideal situation, is it?

VERONICAHa! Yeah. I guess you’re right.

(Pauses.)Is there anything they can do to fix it? Medicine or something?

SARAHYeah. They have me going in for surgery tomorrow to try and help get rid of the chest pains and increase blood flow. The next time you see me I’ll probably be out of it. I’m sorry, honey.

(Yawns.)

I’m sorry, I’m just really tired— this disease really takes it outta me.

(Sarah lays down in her hospital bed and closes her eyes. There is a brief moment of silence as Veronica holds her mother’s hand.)

VERONICAIt’s okay, Mommy. Just get some rest.

(The lights go down on the scene.)

Scene 8

(The lights come up on the school hallway once more. Veronica closes her locker and is, once again, approached by Jedediah. Veronica doesn’t try to avoid him this time,

instead, she stands there facing her locker. She looks out of it.)

JEDEDIAHHey, Veronica!

(Pauses, when there’s no reply, he waves his hand in front of her face.)Veronica!

VERONICA(Snaps to attention.)

Huh? Yeah? What is it?

JEDEDIAH(Laughs.)

There you are! I’d thought I’d lost yah.

(Jedediah pats Veronica’s shoulder. Veronica moves, avoiding contact and successfully brushing Jedediah off.)

VERONICA(Frustrated.)

What now, Jedediah?

JEDEDIAHI-I was just wondering where you go after school that’s so important.

VERONICA(Suspicious.)

And what’s it to you? Why are you so interested, anyways?

JEDEDIAHI’m just curious, that’s all.

VERONICA(Sighs.)

If yah really wanna know that badly… the hospital.

JEDEDIAHWhat?

VERONICA(Aggravated.)

You wanted to know where I went everyday and I told you the hospital. There! Satisfied?

JEDEDIAH(Surprised.)

The hospital? Why would you….?

VERONICA(Turning around to face Jedediah.)

That’s none of your business, ain’t it Jedediah?

JEDEDIAHNo, but—

(Beat.)

VERONICA(Sighs, beginning to walk away from Jedediah.)

Well, whatever. I’ll see you tomorrow, I guess. See yah.

(Veronica half-heartedly waves as she exits the stage. Beat.)

JEDEDIAH(Sighs.)

Well, there she goes.

(Jedediah exits in the same direction as Veronica, following her, as the lights go down on the scene.)

Scene 9(The lights come up on the hospital room, Veronica is sitting in a chair up against the

wall. Sarah is absent from the hospital room. The nurse enters, clipboard in hand.)

NURSEMiss Schumer?

VERONICA(Looks up at the nurse.)

Yeah? What is it?

NURSEThere’s a young man here who wanted to see you. Said his name is Jedediah Sims. Do you know him?

VERONICA(Rolls eyes.)

Yeah… I know him. It’s okay, you can let him in.

(The nurse nods, exiting the hospital room. Jedediah enters.)

JEDEDIAH(Nervously.)

Um… H-Hey. How’s it going V-Veronica?

(Beat.)V-Veronica?

VERONICA(Angry.)

What do you think you’re doing here, Jedediah?

JEDEDIAH(Confidently.)

It’s kind of hard to be friends with someone who refuses to talk to them. I decided to find out who you were visiting in the hospital.

VERONICA(Angrily.)

And you thought the best way to become friends with me was to follow me?! Are you an idiot?

JEDEDIAH(Growing Increasingly angry.)

Well excuse me for being curious! I just thought you might want someone to keep you company since you always come here alone.

(Beat.)Guess I was wrong though, you’re just like everyone says you are— heartless witch.

VERONICA(Furious.)

So what if I am?! Maybe I like having no friends. Maybe I like being alone. Ever thought of that?

(Just then the nurse hurriedly enters the room, looking more than displeased.)

NURSEI’m sorry Miss Veronica and Mister Sims, but I’m going to have to ask that you leave the build-ing and take your fighting elsewhere so you don’t disturb our patients. I don’t want to have to call security to escort you from the premises.

VERONICA(Stubbornly.)

Yeah? Well, I ain’t movin’ unless you make me. I told Mom I’d see her as soon as she got outta surgery. I don’t plan on moving until I do.

NURSE(Sighs.)

Well then, that’s too bad. I guess you’ll have to explain to your mother why I had to kick you out when you see her again.

(The nurse escorts Veronica and Jedediah forcefully out of the hospital room. The lights go down on the scene.)

Scene 10(The lights go up. Veronica and Jedediah, escorted by the nurse, enter. The nurse gives

Veronica a pat on the shoulder before leaving the scene. Veronica sits down on the bench nearby. After a pause Jedediah decides to sit beside her. A moment of si-lence passes between the two before Veronica bursts into tears.)

VERONICA(Crying.)

It’s all your fault! It’s all your fault that I can’t see her! She’s the only family I have left! All my aunts and uncles disowned my mother as soon as she was pregnant with me. Even my grandpar-ents! They only cared that, if they stuck around, they’d be associated with a pregnant eighteen-year old! Right now she’s in surgery, with a disease that could kill her at anytime— and you just think it’s okay for you to waltz into her hospital room like it’s no big deal. My mother could faint if she so much as climbs one too many flights of stairs. She could die of sudden cardiac arrest this very minute as she lays on that operating table— receiving surgery that can potentially ex-tend her life. And here you are, following me around like some sick puppy, trying to get my at-tention. For what? So you could get me to talk to you?! Are you insane?

JEDEDIAH(Taken Aback.)

I-I didn’t think….

VERONICA(Crying, livid.)

Of course you didn’t think! What? You didn’t think that when I told you to leave me alone, I meant it? You didn’t think that when I told you I didn’t want to hang out with you because

I had more important things to do, I meant it? What could I have said to you that could possibly give you the idea to follow me?

JEDEDIAHI… I just thought you were lonely. Every person I asked told me you never talked to anyone and that you didn’t have any friends. You seemed a little more stressed lately than usual, especially the day after I asked you if you wanted to go to the Muse concert with me— so I thought I’d ask you to hang out with me and maybe relax a little.

(Beat.)

VERONICA(Wiping tears from her eyes and breathing deeply.)

Relax a little? Sure, I’ll do that when my good-for-nothing father finally gives me a call— which is to say never. I don’t have time to sit around and hang out with friends and have fun while my mom has violent coughing fits, chest pains, and nobody to keep her company. Just because I’m lonely doesn’t mean my mom has to suffer from loneliness too.

JEDEDIAHSorry, I shouldn’t have followed you.

VERONICANo— don’t apologize. If anything, I should be the one apologizing to you. I should have just told you in the first place.

(A brief moment of silence passes between the two but is cut short when Jedediah begins to laugh.)

VERONICA (Cont’d)Hey! What’s so funny?

JEDEDIAH(Chuckling.)

Aha! It’s just that… well, we’re pretty pathetic— aren’t we?

VERONICA(Surprised.)

Huh? Wha-?

JEDEDIAHI mean— just look at us. You’re Mom’s sick and I’m just desperate for attention. It’s funny.

VERONICA(Chuckles.)

I… I guess you’re right.

(There is another moment of silence.)

JEDEDIAHSo, what do you say to grabbing some coffee with me? I swear it’ll only be, like, half an hour. After that we can go back and see if the nurse will let us back in to see your mom.

(Veronica thinks about it for a moment.)

VERONICAActually, that sounds great.

JEDEDIAHWait, what? Really?

VERONICA Yeah, I could really go for a dark Columbian roast.

JEDEDIAHThere’s a coffee shop down the street within walking distance. They have the best coffee.

VERONICASounds great.

(Pauses as she notices Jedediah smiling at her.)

Just so you know, this doesn’t exactly mean that I’ve forgiven you— or even want to be friends with you. I’m just doing this because I’m in a slightly better mood than before thanks to you.

JEDEDIAH(Chuckles, shaking his head. He sound skeptical.)

Whatever you say, Veronica….

(Veronica and Jedediah walk offstage together.)

(Blackout.)

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