volume 10, issue 1
DESCRIPTION
Vol. 10, Issue 1 February 18, 2011 (Alessandro Volta’s Birthday) Angelo State’s Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 On the Internet @ Ramdiculous.comTRANSCRIPT
Vol. 10, Issue 1 February 18, 2011 (Alessandro Volta’s Birthday)
(Nine more than we thought we’d get.)
Angelo State’s Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 On the Internet @ Ramdiculous.com
2
Quote of the Week
Top Editor: What the %#!@ is Ramdiculous? This fair news-
paper has made it
to its tenth se-
mester of publi-
cation. Yay us.
I imagine this
must be due in
part to sheer
chutzpah. When
the paper first
began, we were-
n’t officially rec-
ognized by the
school, and our
founders used
their unlimited
printing privi-
leges in the MCS
lab to produce
thousands of cop-
ies of what was essentially a
pirate newspaper.
Fun fact: Ramdiculous is the
reason you now have a 2,000
page printing limit in the com-
puter labs on campus.
And from there, like the
Dragonzord fighting the Tech-
nodrome (see Fig. 1), we took
on the mighty Ram Page with
an ounce of good-natured fun.
But the point was brought up
in one of my classes just the
other day; what, exactly, is
Ramdiculous?
I’m not going to lie. Ten
semesters in, we literally have absolutely no freaking idea what we’re doing right now.
Most of our original staff
has moved on to greater
things. Our current staff is
pretty much a pack of
trained baboons, and our top
editor is quite obviously
insane (see Fig. 1).
But our ulterior motive
for printing, I think, is that we
exist to serve as the “id” to the
Ram Page’s “superego.” And
the Oasis magazine is the
“ego” or something, I dunno.
Anyway, whatever we are,
Angelo State would be missing
something without us. So
here’s to ten grand volumes of
Ramdiculousness and what-
not. And to make it another
ten semesters, I have to go
feed the baboons now.
-Top Ed.
Vol. 10, Issue 1 Something to read in class today
R A M D I C U L O U S P A G E P O L I C Y Published every other Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University System or this newspaper. We welcome all letters, tweets, and other such nonsense. Please include your name, position, and an email address. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned, EVER. Submit your letters, articles, and/or favorite Kevin Bacon movie via our email, [email protected], or our website, www.ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration or the Ramdiculous Page. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook and/or MySpace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing. If you are an professor you need not worry, we will not use your profiles. Happy tenth semester, y’all.
“I’m not gay, but Dwight Yoakam is a sexy man.” -A guy in one of my classes last semester, who said I could use this quote
Fig. 1. Dragonzord vs. Technodrome
Top Editor Bryce J. Parsons
Artists and Writers The Usual Ramdiculous Goons
It’s the eye of the tiger It’s the cream of the fight
3 th
e in
cred
ible
qu
esti
on Ram of the Week:
John Bautista
John’s cool. Even though he graduated last August, we’re featuring him anyway. He says he loves music, and plays guitar and drums. He’s also way into ultimate Frisbee and the Ramdiculous Page.
He also claims to have gone to the moon. There, he says,
he got the inspiration to invent cheesecake (our planet has been thankful ever since). He also says that Smokey the Bear is WAY more intense in person.
I’m beginning to suspect that MAYBE he made some of
this up.
Ramdiculous Page Meeting, 2-25-2011, 2:30 pm Want to join the Ramdiculous Page staff? Want to tell us how awesome we are? Want to tell us how much you hate our humble little magazine? Then attend the Ramdiculous Page meeting on Friday, February 25, at 2:30 pm, at the UC tower thingy where they usually put the Christmas Tree! We won’t have soft drinks or T-shirts or any-thing, but we’ll sing for you if you like.
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Number Ten By Marilyn C. Monroe
Hello, I'm Jen.
I am ten;
And kin
To a young prince named
Ken
Who died at the age of ten.
Ten is a great number ‘cause
it relates to me.
I'm ten years old, my kin
died at my age, and I wear a
size ten in shoes.
One of the greatest things
about ten is that I got 3 huge
tens when I went swim-
ming!
Ahh, the number ten... :)
Bad Poetry Time.
Write or draw for us! Contact us at:
[email protected] (P.S. For every article you
write that gets published, you get a $5 gift card.
Who says no to money?)
EAA: I’d like to ramble for a while about bananas cover for a single banana. Oh glory,
now when you get down to that last
banana you will not only be able to
keep it fresh but you will be able to
find it instantly. You look at the prices
of both the items, the banana holder
being $25 and the plastic banana guard
being $5. The fact that both items
represent nearly 1/10th of your total
paycheck doesn't phase you at
all. You are about to change your life.
The first week of your banana hold-
ing exploits go by successfully. You
buy bananas, hang them on the
holder, and when you get down to the
last one you place it in the plastic
guard. But suddenly, a problem oc-
curs. You see, when you buy your
bananas, you try to buy the awesome ones. You hate buying the crappy tiny
withered ones, but sometimes you
have no choice. And logically you eat
them in progression of which ones
look the best. So when you finally get
down to the last banana, it's a mis-
shaped, discolored, off-size banana,
and it doesn't even fit in the plastic
banana guard. Frustration sets
in. Suddenly the thing that was sup-
pose to make your life easier is making
it more stressful. And the time it takes
to even hang the stupid bananas so
they don't fall almost outweighs the
time it use to take to search for them
in the fridge. You get lazy. You get
complacent. And eventually, you stop
using your banana holder/banana
guard.
You wake up in the morning with
disgust on your face. You see the
empty, now rusting, soulless, vile
banana holder sitting on your
kitchen counter. It mocks you. It
laughs at you. You can see it saying
"$25" over and over. It reminds you
of the price you paid to give it a
chance. The feeling you feel now is
almost comparable to having a one
night stand and waking up to realize
the woman/man you were with
doesn't exactly look the way she did
last night. An idea jumps into your
head. You will return it! Suddenly, a
sharp stinging pain fills your
brain. You remember that you got
the items in part of a special sale and
you can't return them. Rage fills
your body. Your face becomes warm
and your fists become clenched. You
raise one high above your head. But
the banana holder is sharp
metal. You run to your kitchen
drawer, and find a meat tenderizer.
You at least knew that thing served a
purpose. You black out...and don't
remember much after that...only that
there are a lot of metal scraps laying
around your kitchen and your next
door neighbor Gertrude came over to
ask if you were okay.
Oh well. Another day, another
dollar.
By Edwin Abbott Abbott
Who’s This? Send us your
answer! (Facebook.com/
ramdiculous)
Last answer: Mario from Saturday Supercade (No one got it completely right)
We've all been there. You go to
the store, you just got your pay-
check cashed and you feel like
buying a bunch of stuff. You see
something that catches your eyes.
No, not that midriff-baring middle
aged woman that has more rolls
than Golden Corral. Instead, you
settle upon something that you
think is perhaps the most ingenious
thing ever. Every time you get
home from working out, you al-
ways have to dig through the fridge
and find your bananas. What a
hassle. Instead, you realize that a
banana holder would be the solu-
tion to all your woes. With what
you have found, you can now
eliminate valuable searching time
and instead utilize your time doing
other useful things! Oh bliss! You
ponder and think about the days of
cavemen, their exploits with fire
and the wheel, and begin to realize
just how far primitive man has
come. But wait! What happens
when you get down to a single
banana? You think... and think..
and then spy something sitting next
to the banana holder. It's none
other than a plastic banana
guard. Yes, that's right, a plastic
5
We are your voice, the voice of the Students of Angelo State. Be heard, we would like to know what you love about ASU, what you hate about ASU and what you think needs to be changed around here. We are here for
YOU!
If you have a comment, complaint, concern, or question, don’t hesitate to contact us. Via email [email protected], via phone
(325) 942‐2063, via our suggestion box in the UC, in our office UC 133 or even come attend our meetings at 6 PM on Monday nights.
ADVERTISE WITH US. If you would like your ad to appear in the
Ramdiculous Page, please contact us at [email protected]
Advertising Guidelines 1. Deadline for ads to be submitted is 1:00pm the Tuesday be-
fore publication. 2. Ads will be received only if they are complete. The Ramdicu-
lous Page will not create any ads. 3. Ad size will not exceed one-quarter of a page. 4. Organizations/events may have more than one ad, but no
organization/event will be allowed more than one-quarter of a page in ad space.
The Ramdiculous Page will not advertise for any off-campus event except in certain circumstances,* or anything of questionable nature. This includes but is not limited to: Alcohol drugs tobacco illegal activities *Exceptions to this rule will be determined by the staff of the Ramdiculous Page
Top Ten Inherently funny words
10.) Chicken
9.) Trousers
8.) Keokuk
7.) Pickle
6.) Weasel
5.) Pickleweasel
4.) Garbanzos
3.) Dipthong
2.) Fiduciary
1.) Bieber
Stranger danger: Unfamiliar people are HIGHLY suspect (Editor’s note: The back-
ground music is “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” by Deep Blue Some-thing. Pretend you are listen-ing to it right now.)
I am sitting cross-legged on my bed, laptop open, my Ray Ban wayfarers on (see insert), and chewing on a strawberry Twizzler, real-izing how our world is so dangerous. Our world is full of creaky carnival rides and rusty cotton candy machines, full of people who break your heart and laugh at inappropriate times. It’s scary, to think of the chances we have to take everyday! You step outside and there’s cats without names, sudden rain, things that make you trip, cigarettes, and people who don’t have volume control (you know,
completely EXPANDED this definition, though. A power lipstick can now be a pair of jeans, a certain hairdo, or even for some of the peculiar ones, a hat (cause I mean, really, who wears a hat these days?).
A power lipstick can turn your ex-boyfriend fat, fix bro-ken blow-dryers and find that pair of earrings you lost in the 11th grade.
So girls, this is your calling, whenever you are walking around our world make sure you have your power lipstick on…and if you ever see a white unmarked van with a FREE CANDY sign on, your power lipstick will save you from the poison that the creepers put in said candy. Or, you know, not going by the van all in all might prove a bit more effective.
Regardless of your approach, make sure to find your power lipstick a midst all of the bad-ness of the world so that you may always carry your acces-sory as a self-defense tech-nique. But, you know, just to be safe, probably learn kick-boxing…and become immune to poison.
I love you,
Holly Golightly
those people who seem like they’re yelling, but you’re like, I dunno, 30 INCHES FROM THEM. Dude, back up).
I mean, just yesterday I read that 70% of men don’t bring home roses to their wife.
That’s HOR-RIBLE! I was devas-tated. A girl can't read that sort of thing with-
out her (power) lipstick. Power lipsticks are to girls what a good workout is to guys. They pump you up, they give you a burst of energy and they give you a rush of endor-phins. Don’t you just love it? (Don’t you?)
See, the concept of a power lipstick began with finding the perfect lipstick for you. The one you’d wear to a job inter-view, your chemistry final, a first date, or to come out to your parents. It’s a perfect shade, and nothing can go wrong in it, except maybe for California detaching from the continental United States.
Or clowns. Clowns can go wrong even while wearing your power lipstick.
The beautifully complicated next generations of girls have
Ray Ban wayfarers (dramatization)
Ramdiculous Observances
Saturday, Feb. 19: Chocolate Mint Day
(I scream, you scream.)
Sunday, Feb. 20: Clam Chowder Day (Red or
white?)
Monday, Feb. 21: Presidents’ Day (Be sure to call
Barack and wish him a happy one.)
Tuesday, Feb. 22: World Thinking Day (Don’t hurt
yourselves, students.)
Wednesday, Feb. 23: Curling is Cool Day
(Stealth pun.)
Thursday, Feb. 24: National Chili Day (I really have no comment whatsoever, other than to express how AWESOME it is that we actually have this holiday.
What a country!)
127 Hours 2:25pm 5:00 8:00 11:00
No Strings Attached
1:15pm 4:15 7:15 10:15
Black Swan 1:05pm 4:05 7:05 10:05
The King’s Speech
1:25pm 4:25 7:25 10:25
True Grit 1:10pm 4:10 7:10 10:10
The Green Hornet (2D) 3:00pm 6:00 9:00
The Green Hornet (3D)
1:30pm 4:30 7:30 10:30
The Fighter 4:35pm 10:35
The Dilemma
1:20pm 4:20 7:20 10:20
The Mechanic 2:10pm 4:45 7:45 10:45
Movie Times from two weeks ago
The Social Network (2010) By Walter M. Waffles
The Social Network is a tale
about power, betrayal, and all
that fun jazz. It’s also about
the founding of Facebook.
Chances are, however, that
you already know this from,
like, everywhere. It got nomi-
nated for Best Picture at the
Oscars, for Pete’s sake.
But I liked it. And chances
are, you probably did too. So
what should you do? I think
you know:
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Laconic Movie of the Day
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
TV Tropes will ruin your life. Read them at tvtropes.org.
“Space samurai Farm Boy has
Psychic Powers.”
Super!