vienna syndrome

7/31/2019 Vienna Syndrome

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Vienna Syndrome Bridgette Burton 2009

Vienna Syndrome

By Bridgette Burton

Characters

Belle

Ned

Basil

Poppy

Advertising executives in a meeting.

Basil: Ok team, lets get it together, lets make it work. Lets pull one out of the hat

Poppy: Or our ass.

Basil: Or our ass. Valid, Poppy, valid. This is an exciting assignment, one that will

make a difference, this could have global significance..

Ned: I think I've got the wrong brief.

Belle: (looking at his papers) No, that's right.

Ned: The kidnappers?

Basil: Right yes! Let's start there, we can't call them kidnappers. It's got retro mojo,

we need something contemporary, post modern, past modern, past contemporary..

Ned: Are we talking about the kidnappers?

Belle: Stop living in the past Ned.

Basil: Belle! You are brilliant. Exactly, stop living in the just was, join us in the

soon will be.

Belle: (Echoing) Soon will be.

Poppy: Don't kiss ass Belle, you sound like a 1990's lackey.

Belle:Noted Poppy, good point.

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Basil: Yeah Poppy! High Five oh wait, better not. Seems a bit try hard, what do

you think?

Poppy: Yeah.

Ned: So we actually took this brief and now we are actually trying to make an

advertising campaign for them.

Basil:Ned, are you autistic mate? What page are you on!

Ned, I can barely get past page one Baz.

Basil: Ok, ok lets hear Ned's point of view. I am totally open to listening to your

emotional response this brief Ned.

Ned: Ok, for a start..

Basil: Quick, emotion waterfall!

Belle: Devotion!

Basil: Good one!

Poppy: Lust

Basil: Is that an emotion? Doesn't matter I like it!

Ned: What?

Basil: Emotion Waterfall! KEEP UP Ned!

Ned: Incredulity.

Basil: Mm, right. Ok, me. Peaking!

Ned: That's not an emotion.

Basil: I allowed Lust, so we're keeping Peaking. Don't be black Ned, only be blue.

Ned: Trying to be blue Bas, but I'm having a bit of trouble figuring out how we are

going to increase business for two kidnappers.

Belle: That's why we're here Ned! To work together and give birth to our creative

love baby.

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Basil: Too much Belle, but I like where you're going.

Poppy: It's all about how you look at it.

Basil: AWESOME!

Ned: Well, lets see I guess if you're looking at it from the point if the police, then it's

illegal.

Basil: BOOOO! Come on Ned!

Poppy: But if you look at it from the point of view of the client, the kidnapper,

then it's a marketable skill.

Basil: BANG! There goes Poppy! Glass is not just half full, it's three quarters full.

Nice! Nice! Valid!

Ned: Who's our market?

Belle: People who want to be kidnapped.

Basil: Good point Belle, we need a new way to term this, kidnapper indicates that

there are kids involved, that's bad.

Poppy: What about KN. Like KFC.

Basil: Too minimal, this isn't Sydney.

Belle: Well excising means to remove, so how about auto ex.

Ned: Auto?

Belle: Like Do it yourself? Auto erotic asphyxiation.

Basil: I like it, but I'm not hard. I want to be HARD.

Ned: They don't do it themselves Belle. These thugs do it for you.

Poppy: Clients.

Basil:No, wait Ned's onto somethings here! Something cheeky, you know a bit

tongue in cheek. Lugged by Thugs.

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Belle: Thug lugging!

Basil: Poppy!

Belle: Belle!

Basil: Belle, I could kiss you, if you weren't my sister.

Ned: She'd not your sister.

Basil: Mate you're all my family.

Ned: So we are plugging Thug lugging.

The other three giggle.

Ned: To whom?

Belle: I already said, Ned, my God! Get with the program.

Basil: Get with the program's a bit early 2000's, but she's right.

Ned: Someone explain this to me.

Basil: Give it to us Belle:

Belle: There are people that want to be thug lugged and they are willing to pay for it.

Our clients originally just used to snatch rich kids. But then they found that there was

a whole market that wanted to be taken.

Ned: Want to be taken. Who wants to be taken? Why?

Basil: Peer pressure mate! It's hard to stand out from the crowd now, when you get

thug lugged you instantly become someone important.

Poppy: Important enough to be taken.

Basil: I'm over thug lugging. We need something more serious, with more class.

Belle: Gravitas.

Basil:No I don't like it sounds like gravel.

Belle:No I meant with more gravitas.

Ned: So we are selling to people that are so desperate for attention they need to make

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themselves look more important by organising their own kidnap.

Basil: Beautiful summation Ned. You're a word smith.

Belle: What about themovals as in removals but with them in front.

Poppy:No.

Basil: Where's the thesaurus! We need a big fancy word that means kidnapping.

Ned: How are you going to advertise this without getting into trouble with the cops?

Poppy:No one will be in trouble with the cops Ned, you literalist. These people

want to be taken, and we are hooking them up with people that want to take them.

Supply and demand.

Ned: Voler.

Basil: Hooray!

Ned: Voler means steal in French.

Belle: Could be bad for the French market though.

Ned: What French market? How about Supprimer, it means remove.

Poppy: Supprimer - Let us take your cares away

Basil: Ooooooh Poppy, you are very hot at the moment and I am feeling some wood.

Belle: Supprimer: make an impact with your absence.

Basil: Belle! You are sexing me!

Ned: That's actually not bad.

Basil:Ned's on board! He's with us! I feel the energy in this room.

Poppy: Could be a bit subtle Belle.

Basil: What's that thing! The thing where people fall in love with their kidnapper?

Belle: Vienna Syndrome.

Basil:Nice name!

Ned: Stockholm.

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Belle: Vienna's in Stockholm?

Ned:No, Stockholm syndrome.

Basil: Stockholm's not as good. Can we use Vienna?

Ned: If you want it to make no sense. What for?

Basil: Just working the angles Ned. Supprimer begin your own Vienna

syndrome!

Poppy: If you like Vienna, you'll love Stockholm dot dot dot Syndrome!

Basil: Time for some cuddles!

Basil cuddles Poppy, then Belle and Ned.

Basil: So we've got an awesome name and some arousing advertorial. Now where

and how?

Poppy: 30 second spot, TV, radio and film. A room, with a beautiful woman holding

a handkerchief to her eyes, she's crying liked she's never cried before. She looks out

a window. A man bursts into the room, he pulls rope off his wrists, and throws a

blindfold off his neck. She sees him and throws herself into his arms. He kisses her

and she pulls her top off, revealing her fabulous tits! Then Supprimer: make her

miss you!.

Ned: Fuck.

Basil: I'll say.

Belle: Can we show her breasts on TV?

Poppy:No nipple Belle.

Belle: Yeah, good.

Basil: It has everything we need Poppy. Drama, tension, tits. I fucking love it. LOVE

IT. Ned?

Ned: It's fine.

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Poppy: Fine?

Ned: It's a ridiculous product and that ad will be as good as any.

Poppy: (under her breath) Jealous.

Ned: I'm not jealous Poppy.

Belle: I am a bit.

Basil: Me too Belle, it's a good concept.

Ned: (Snorts) A darkened room, a guy sits, tied to a chair, two scary men stand next

to him menacing him. Suddenly the police burst in through the door. They grapple

with the two men. The man on the chair is released, as he passes the two thugs, he

slips them some money and he walks out the door to the cheers of a waiting crowd.

Supprimer because you're desperate and insecure.

Basil: Different angle Ned, I see where you're going not sure if punters are going to

identify with desperate and insecure.

Belle:Newspaper and magazine ads, which just show a persons face and underneath

Missing!. We'd use models of course.

Basil: And just run them for a week or two, and then another ad with found.

Poppy: And under that His family have never been so happy to see him.

Ned: Then Supprimer make them miss you.

Poppy:Ned! On board at last?

Ned:No, I'm just a professional and it's a matter of pride. And my salary.

Basil kisses him on the cheek in a meaningful and deep manner.

Basil: (To them all) Daddy's proud of all of you. Alright 10 minutes to do some yoga

and then back in for the next one.

They all begin to pack up and move off.

Belle: Oh, the abbattoir.

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Ned: An abbattoir?

Poppy: Old style. Knives and guys in aprons, scared livestock etc.

Basil: It's a tasty challenge.

Ned: Jesus Christ, why can't we get Coon cheese?

Belle: Don't be racist Ned.

Basil: Think of all the blood we can use in the campaign.

Poppy: Johnno's Ababttoir kickin' it old style.

Belle: Meat with the blood and guts.

Ned: I died in fear so I'll be tough as shit.

Basil: Can't say shit Ned, this isn't Queensland.

They exit.

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