8/12/2019 Using Words That Fit Your Tone

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  Using Words That Fit Your Tone

Adapted from Prentice Hall Grammar & Composition 

The words you choose often express your attitude toward your subject. For example, of you are writing about

something that makes you angry, your words may reflect your anger. You may also find that your words reflect the

audience for whom you are writing. For example, when you are writing a business letter, your words will probably be

formal and businesslike.

The attitude that your writing reflects toward both your subject and your readers is called tone. Within any

particular piece of writing, you should always strive for a consistent tone. Decide if you are going to be serious,

amusing, friendly, and informal; or businesslike and formal. Then use words that fit that tone.

Select words that maintain a consistent tone.

Just as cliché and dead metaphors can weaken your writing, so can confusing  the tone by suddenly using

inappropriate words. In particular, you should avoid self-important language, flowery language, slang, and jargon.

Avoiding Self Important Language. Self-important language tries to sound impressive but winds up

being merely long-winded and vague. It can ruin the tone of an otherwise clear passage.

To avoid self-important language, be careful not to overdo formality with vague, general nouns and long

verbs ending in  –ate or   –ize. In the following example, notice that the revised passage is appropriately formal, yet it is

much clearer and to the point, presenting the same information but in a much more natural way.

SELF-IMPORTANT: Familiarity with the baccalaureate requirements of the higher education system will help you to

prioritize your credit sequence.

REVISED: Finding out which courses the college requires for graduation will help you decide which ones to take first.

Avoiding Flowery Language.  Good writing should contain vivid words but should never become

overloaded with flowery adjectives and adverbs that try too hard to sound poetic. To avoid flowery language in your

own writing, you should learn to recognize when modifiers are acting merely as useless decoration and then look for

a simpler way to express your ideas.

One sentence with flowery language spoils the tone of the following description. When the passage is

revised, it remains descriptive but is much more consistent in tone.

FLOWERY: Poor Rosalind wandered aimlessly and sadly, all alone amongst the lonely bushes and weeping trees.

Looking at the moon, she remembered her home and wept.

REVISED: Sad and lonely, Rosalind wandered through the woods. Looking at the moon, she remembered her home

and wept.

Avoiding Slang.  Slang is made up of informal expressions that are popular with certain groups of people,

generally for only a brief period of time. Because it’s so informal, slang draws attention to itself and can disrupt the

flow of your writing. Except in dialogue and casual letters to friends, you should avoid using slang when you are

writing.

In the following example, the slang phrase is not consistent with the tone of the rest of the sentence. Notice

that the revised passage corrects the inconsistency by replacing the slang expression with an appropriate phrase.

SLANG: Mike’s father reprimanded him for coming home three hours late; my father also gave me grief for coming

home late.

REVISED: Mike’s father reprimanded him for coming home three hours late; my father also criticized me for coming

home late.

8/12/2019 Using Words That Fit Your Tone

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  Using Words That Fit Your Tone

Adapted from Prentice Hall Grammar & Composition 

Avoiding Jargon. Inappropriate technical language, called jargon, can also disrupt the tone of your writing. In

addition, we use terms limited to a narrow field may confuse general readers.The following examples show how

 jargon can be eliminated that ideas are expressed more clearly.

JARGON: The skipper let the boat fall off  when he saw the sail luff.

REVISED: The skipper angled the boat away from the wind when the forward edge of the sail began to flap.

JARGON: Because the amplitude of inertial-gravity waves is sufficiently   small in the atmosphere, they do not

noticeably affect the Rossby waves.

REVISED: Sound waves in the atmosphere generally do not affect the movement of the air that creates our weather.

EXERCISE E: Maintaining a Consistent Tone. Label the type of language used in each

sentence as self-important, flowery, slang, or jargon. Then edit each sentence, using a consistent tone appropriate for

general audience. If you do not understand the jargon, use a dictionary.

EXAMPLE: I just about blew my cool when she accused me of cheating on the exam.

(Slang) I almost lost my temper when she accused me of cheating on the exam.

1. The shimmering, silver rays of the pale, voluminous moon pierced the dim, misty haze that arose from

the waters of the dark, murky swamp.

2. What a bummer it was to spend five dollars to see a movie that was a total bomb.

3. As he snuck back to the hideout, Gary kept glancing nervously over his shoulder. He was afraid he had

blown his cover.

4. The editorial certainly does a number on the hypocrites who say who say they support conservation yet

drive around in big gas guzzlers.

5. According to Sheldon’s theory concerning human physique, endomorphs will tend to exhibit greater

insecurity than mesomorphs.

6. The blazing fire crackled louder and louder, and the flames leapt up toward the distant heavens. At

last, the fearless firefighters brought the destructive inferno under control, quenching the towering blaze

until it was just a smoldering heap of ashes.

7. Over the next few annual periods, we will need to conceptualize the necessary changes and see that

they are properly affected.

8. During the interphase of mitosis, chromosomes duplicate to form identical sets of genes.

9. Roger says that he is flat broke.

10. Worn-out shocks cause a rough ride, while poor wheel alignment can cause tires to wear faster or

even damage the suspension.