Using Transformative Mediation and Communication

Skills in High Conflict Dialogues

Mardi Winder-AdamsPositive Communication

Systemswww.poscs.com

Pieces of The Whole

Goals Of Transformative MediationWhat are the major goals of

transformative mediation?

What specific tools are used in transformative mediation sessions?

What is the role of the mediator in transformative mediation?

What are the roles of the parties in transformative mediations?

Transformative Tools In Other SettingsParenting CoordinationParenting EducationGroup Meeting FacilitationFamily Communication TrainingProfessional Development WorkshopsNegotiation TrainingNegotiation Consulting CoachingDaily CommunicationEffective Management

Just What Tools Transfer?ReframesSummaries Neutral languageThoughts Not FeelingsOpen Ended QuestionsClosed Questions For ClarificationActive Listening TechniquesRecognition and EmpowermentMindset of Resolution and Problem Solving

Creating A Safe EnvironmentCreating a physically safe environment

LocationTimeSpaceFurniture

Creating an emotionally safe environmentNeutral languageImpartiality in words and actionsRecognitionEmpowerment

Managing The EmotionsThe importance of true neutral languageFocus on thoughts not feelingsEmphasis on the present and future, not

dwelling in the pastRelevance of the parties contribution to the

discussionHealthy emotionsThe damage of ventingModeling and mindset developmentCan do vs. can’t possibly doStarting with the opening message

Open Questions Vs. Closed QuestionsWhy do parties in conflict prefer closed

questions and avoid open questions?

What is the value of a closed question?

What is the value of an open ended question?

Rewording closed questions to get to the interests

Circular Questioning TechniquesFrom the Milan Associates and the Milan modelChallenging previously held hypothesis regarding

the conflict/issue/problem/discordAsking individuals within a system to explore the

circular connectiveness of the group rather than focus on the linear relationships that most people draw (how others see the issue)

Used to develop a systemic understanding based on perceived differences that exist within a system

Can show patterns of connection with regards to members of a system by similar thoughts, behaviors, actions and perceptions

Neutralizing High Conflict Language

Modeling for the partiesRestating comments using quotes with

exploration and clarificationRestating for the benefit of the speakerRestating for the benefit of the listener

1.You are a liar.2.That is another example of a racist remark.3.I am always doing all the work and getting none

of the credit.4.You always were a terrible parent to the children.

Reframes – The Magic BulletCaptures the emotion, content and then a

recognition component for moving forwardAllows the parties to focus on what is needed

rather than what is NOT desiredHighly effective in allowing parties to understand

they are being heard

1.You are a liar.2.That is another example of a racist remark.3.I am always doing all the work and getting none

of the credit.4.You always were a terrible parent to the children.

Active Listening TechniquesObserving body language and actionsResponding appropriately to cues Addressing emotions and thoughtsClarificationBuilding understanding and rapportModeling

Recognition "means the evocation in individuals of

acknowledgment and empathy for the situation and problems of others." (Bush and Folger, 1994, p. 2.)

Recognition is given, not demanded or necessarily recipricated

How can recognition be developed outside of the mediation process?

What techniques are useful in developing recognition between the parties/participants/members?

Empowerment"empowerment means the restoration to

individuals of a sense of their own value and strength and their own capacity to handle life's problems.“ - (Bush and Folger, 1994, p. 2)

Occurs throughout the conversation/discussion/mediation

Is internal not externalCan only occur when parties are making their

own decisions and developing their own understanding

How is empowerment developed outside of the mediation process?

Transformative Mediation Techniques In Everyday Life

and BusinessParenting CoordinationConsulting and CoachingEffective Communication Skills trainingDaily interactionsDeveloping PolicyWorking in TeamsParenting Education ClassesInterpersonal Skills Development ClassesBarrier Analysis In Companies