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UNwritten

There’s still hope for your greater dream…

John & Lorraine Baergen(with Malcolm Petch)



Copyright © 2010Unritten !entures

"ll rights reser#ed$ No part of this pu%liation may %e reprodued'stored in a retrie#al system or transmitted in any form or %y any means

( eletroni' mehanial' photoopying' and reording or otherise (ithout the prior ritten permission of the author' e)ept for %riefpassages *uoted %y a re#ieer in a nespaper or maga+ine$ To performany of the a%o#e is an infringement of opyright la$

Li%rary and "rhi#es ,anada ,ataloguing in -u%liation

Baergen./BN 3.1.24325.2.6

-rinted and Bound %y 7irst ,hoie Boo8s$firsthoie%oo8s$a

-rinted in ,anada



Dedicated to:

The delight of our lives,

Sawyer, Mason, Wyatt.

Through whom we have been given a second chance.

And

To their parents, Brent & Sabrina.

For their commitment, together with us,

to influence their boys for Jesus!



Praise for UNwritten

“WOW! What can you say about Unwritten? John and Lorraine have

truly opened their hearts to the world with this book. It’s truly a

testimony of the grace of God in the midst of tragedy. Every chapter

unfolded more of how the Lord sustains, leads and guides. Through my

twenty-year journey of walking with John and Lorraine I had heardsnippets here and there of their story, but never fully realized the extent

of what the Lord had done in the midst of travesty. I had always admired

and looked up to them, but after reading Unwritten I value my

relationship even more. I would highly recommend anyone to read this

heartwarming story, and be blessed by the principles of God’s love like

you never have before.”

Dr. Evon G. Horton

Senior PastorBrownsville Assembly, Pensacola, Florida

"For those of us who are always wondering 'what's next' and are

continually on the run, this book is a wonderful interruption to consider

reality. John and Lorraine have given us a great gift in Unwritten. While

it is contains tools to deal with stress, disappointment, leadership, and

our walk with God, it is also a great story. It is a wise and God-filled

look back on 30 years of life – life that was interrupted by the mosthorrific of accidents – and John and Lorraine's honesty in telling the

story is breathtaking. Their story holds a severe mercy as they help us

understand what it is to sink into the silence of God, and yet find God

still writes each day of our future. From their loss we learn that whatever

our distress, God is still at work to bring us His very best gifts for our

lives."

Lorna Dueck

Executive Producer, Listen Up TVFait !ommentator, Te "lobe and #ail

“I met John and Lorraine when I first began ministry at Skyline. There is

something about them that indicates a deeper walk; from their lives



Lorraine & John Baergen

surfaces a passion to make a difference with their one and only lives! It is

in reading the book Unwritten that the pieces of the puzzle fall into place,

and I understand more of what is behind the scenes for them. This is a

remarkable story of ‘restored hope for the greater dream’, and they draw

the reader into the journey as they speak with great transparency and

authenticity. Step in, let the surf rise, and ride the wave with them. You

will be changed forever!”

Jim GarlowSenior Pastor, S$yline %esleyan !urc, San &ie'o !A

!airman, (enewin' American Leadersip )(eAL*

“While working with John and Lorraine for nine years I experiencedtheir great faith in God and their passion for serving churches across

Canada no matter what the challenges ahead of them. Churches there are

better off for having been touched by the ministry they led. This book

recounts a significant part of their lives and tells the remarkable story

about the faithfulness of God and what God can do with lives that are

truly his. I was challenged and deeply encouraged in every dimension of

life through reading Unwritten.”

Gary SchwammleinExecutive Vice President, +nternational #inistries

%illow !ree$ Association

“I started with chapter one, and I was instantly captivated! This is

anointed writing! John and Lorraine both have a God-given ability to

take the reader on the roller coaster ride with them. I felt like I was right

there with them, through every step of the way! This is the first book I’ve

read that, on one hand, pulls you into this horrendous experience, but, onthe other hand, enables you to be constantly aware that God is in control,

and there is HOPE! The Baergen’s writing truly brings glory to our

Father in heaven!”

Gerry CouchmanExecutive &irector

%illow !ree$ Association, Sout Arica

“My friends, John and Lorraine, are two of the most joy-filled and faith-

filled people you will meet, and their adventure with God has had

everything to do with it! Like many, they lived the good life, but God

was preparing them for more; and we are invited along, as they take us

from the death of a dream to the discovery of an even greater one. You



Unwritten

will be blessed reading this moving story of tragedy turning to triumph

through faith in Jesus Christ.”

Dr. Henry Schorr

Senior Pastor!entre Street !urc, !al'ary AB

“John and Lorraine are a great team. They have teamed up again to give

their ‘inside story’ of driving ambition, tragedy, faith, resiliency,

enduring love, and a forever trust in their God. There is still much

‘unwritten’ as they prepare for their future. As their son Byron so aptly

put it: ‘they have courage; they are not quitting; they are not finished

yet!’ ”

R.W. (Bob !aylor#ana'ement !onsultin' Proessional

Former Assistant &eputy #inister, Alberta &epartment o Ener'y

“From a personal point of view, this must be the most horrific yet most

hopeful story I have ever read. The Baergens have done an awesome job

of blending their stories together and telling them separately but together.

I’ve never been on such a roller coaster ride of emotions as was when I

read the book. I was filled with sorrow, awe, anger, disbelief; yet felt

their strong love of the Lord and their love for one another and their

family. I never once felt hopeless, but was continually filled with a sense

of awe for the Baergens’ mature faith and incredible God-given strength.

I believe that every person on planet earth should read this story, as it

brings hope, inspiration, a challenge, and a strong reality check. We are

always moaning about something, and Baergens’ story truly reminds us

that there is always someone else worse off. Their story will certainly

bless, encourage, inspire, challenge, motivate, capture everyone – but

above all, it will point them to the One and Only God who brought them

through this poignant journey.”

Janine CouchmanEvent #ana'er

%illow !ree$ Association, Sout Arica




“ ‘Put a good face on.’ ‘Be strong.’ ‘Don’t drop your guard.’ ‘Play your

cards close to your chest.’ ‘People won’t follow you if they see your

weakness.’ John and Loraine, two of Canada’s most respected leaders

and pastors to pastors, throw aside these common notions and welcome

us into the inner corridors of their hearts and lives. As they share their

story and personal journey through deep pain, they are real, raw and gut

honest. In their vulnerability we see clearly how God can work through

tragedy to transform the human heart. Unwritten will help all who must

face life-altering events that leave them broken and in despair, to

discover how God can birth new hope and higher dreams for the days yet

to be lived.

!im Day

Senior PastorTe #eetin' -ouse, .a$ville ./

“This book, by my friends John and Lorraine, is a book full of hope for

all who wrestle with the hurts, disappointments and broken dreams of the

past. I was deeply impacted by their story – but more than that, by the

God who wants to write a brand-new future for us. I will recommend

Unwritten to all of my friends!”

Dan CochraneSenior Pastor

!rossroads !urc, Alberta !anada

“This is a real-life, riveting, sad story of setbacks turned into steps

forward. It emphatically illustrates the exciting Biblical principle of how

God is waiting, wanting and willing to turn our greatest difficulties into

our greatest discoveries – when there is a humble attitude and apersevering faith. Thousands have been positively impacted because of

the steadfastness of John & Lorraine in the midst of overwhelming

challenges. This book will give hope to the devastated.”

L D Buckin"hamLead Pastor

#oncton %esleyan !urc, #oncton /B



Unwritten

“This book will help many discover hope and perspective in the midst of

an unexplainable crisis. John and Lorraine Baergen explore their family’s

courageous journey towards a refined faith in God that brings courage

for the future.”

Dr. #eith !aylorLead Pastor

Beula Alliance !urc, Edmonton AB

“Never assume what the next chapter of your life will be. Be prepared for

new realities. The gripping story of two leaders who never lost faith even

through tragedy. John and Lorraine remind us that ‘we are writing today

the 'life foundations' which will shape our unwritten tomorrows.’ A

powerful read that touched me profoundly.

$ark Gorin" !aplain

!atolic !aplaincy at 0or$ University

“Even if I didn’t know John and Lorraine I would be mesmerized by

their story. Knowing them, I am still blown away by their capacity to

mine their own experience for so many transferable insights. They are awinsome couple whose life and faith has been hammered out on the anvil

of more challenges than many of us face. John and Lorraine possess a

grace that doesn’t burden you with their pain, but lifts you up in yours.

That is a rare gift. Once you read this book, you’ll understand just how

special it is.”

Re""ie $c%eal Autor, 1Te Present Future, #issional (enaissance2 !an'in' te

Scorecard or te !urc3#issional Leadersip Specialist, Leadersip /etwor$, &allas T4



Unwritten

Table of Contents

Foreword...............................................................................................viii

Chapter 1 Party’s Over.............................................................................1

Chapter 2 Dreams Remembered...........................................................19

Chapter 3 Reality Bites..........................................................................41

Chapter 4 Dreams Die...........................................................................63

Chapter 5 Silence Deaens ....................................................................!3

Chapter 6 Silence "m#liies .................................................................99

Chapter 7 $an%in% On..........................................................................111

Chapter 8 Peo#le &atter......................................................................131

Chapter 9 Past Redeemed...................................................................143

Chapter 10 $o#e 'limmers................................................................1()

Chapter 11 *ormal’s Over...................................................................1)3

Chapter 12 Bent or Bro+en..................................................................193

Chapter 13 F,t,re -mbraced..............................................................11

"terword..............................................................................................1

/$"*0S............................................................................................3

"bo,t t2e a,t2ors.................................................................................(




ForewordThis is not a book of magic formulas to make your life successful.

Neither is it a commentary on the crisis of the world around us and howit needs to be fixed.

What this book is, in essence, is a story – the story of our family, andits journey back from oerwhelming tragedy. !t"s a story aboutrediscoering ho#e in the midst of crisis – ho#e that goes dee#er thandes#air, further than faith. !t$s a story of ho#e that goes beyond ho#e,een in the face of %od"s seeming silence. &nd it"s the story of rekindledho#e in the %reater 'ream – the dream we were all built for.

(ut this is not just our story – at least not exclusiely.

!f we were to recount our story sim#ly for the sake of telling it, wewouldn"t bother. !t$s too #ersonal and too #ainful to walk through again

just for the sake of getting it out there. We$re telling our story becausewe"e come to the conclusion that if %od can use what we"e walkedthrough to hel# shed light on someone else"s journey, then we"re willingto reisit the #ain again.

!n that sense, this is our story. (ut in a dee#er sense, what ha##enedto us goes way beyond being only our story. We don"t want it to be justour story. For most of us, much of our story is still unwritten, and theinsights we gain today hel# us sha#e the ty#e of tomorrow we will endu# liing.

)o, with that in mind, we want *+nwritten to be your story. -r, tosay it another way, Unwritten is intended to engage you where you areright now, and to inite you to walk the journey of your life through the

cha#ters of our family"s ex#erience.

We ho#e and beliee that during your time s#ent with us oer thenext #ages you will find a reflection of things you"e walked through onyour own journey. Certainly the situations and circumstances may bedifferent, but our dee#est ho#e is that the heart lessons, the tough thingswe"e had to lie through, the mistakes we"e made and the alues we"eembraced will come to ring true in your own life no matter where you areon the journey. -ur #rayer is that by the end of our story, you will find

your own heart stirred again to beliee that maybe, just maybe, thegreater dream you were built for is still within your gras#.

ou, too, know that there is something more /more than your#resent ex#erience. We hear that, eery week, from leaders we work withacross the country. &nd we agree. -ur initation to you, today, is toconsciously o#en your s#irit u# to %od as you read, and to ask 0im to



Unwritten

shed light on your own journey through our story as shown on these#ages.

When our lies were ri##ed a#art on an icy highway on New ear"s'ay, we neer thought we"d end u# where we are today. (ut that"s thebeauty of life1 the tomorrows are still uncharted territory2 they$recha#ters in the book of life still waiting to be written. 0ow the storyunfolds is u# to us. The #en rests in our hand as we set out to write therest of the story.

)o we inite you to turn the #age and share life with us for a bit.3erything you and we hae been through, eery choice we"e made, hasbrought us to where we are in this moment – and right now this moment

is all we hae.

(ut tomorrow is still +nwritten.

Lorraine 5 6on Baer'en



4

Cha#ter 4

5arty$s -er

!t was the sounds, ! remember now, that first caught my attention andstarted #ulling me out of the black oid. The rattling wheels of the

medical carts #assing in the hallway, the muted blee#s from monitors andother medical e6ui#ment, the hushed oices uttering words ! couldn"t6uite understand2 bit by bit the random #ieces of information sifted theirway into my consciousness.

! tried o#ening my eyes.

(ad moe. !t took eery bit of strength ! had to #ry my eyelids a#art. &nd the resulting blast of light burned through my eyes and dee# into my

brain. &ll ! could make out, anyway, was a blur of colour and moement.There was no definition whatsoeer in what ! could see.

! rested again after the exertion. The oid didn$t seem so bad afterall, and at least there was #eace in the silence.

The sounds came again, but this time one of the oices seemedfamiliar. &nd because the #erson s#eaking was nearer to me, !understood his words.

*7ohn, can you hear me8 7ohn, it"s 7ack.

7ack 9lemke, a good friend. ! knew that oice. ! started to surfaceagain.

*7ohn, can you hear me8 7ohn, there"s been a really bad car wreck.ou$e been in a bad car crash.

& car wreck8 0ow could that be8 ! didn"t remember anything likethat.

*7ohn, can you hear me8

Through the fog ! thought ! could feel 7ack"s hand holding mine. !focused in and s6uee:ed my fingers around his.



Lorraine & John Baergen;

*7ohn< 0ey, my friend, it"s good to hae you back< There was adistinct tone of relief in 7ack"s oice.

! tried clearing my head. What had ha##ened to me8 Where was

=orraine8 Where were the boys8 >y eyes were still not coo#erating. &ndany moement ! tried didn$t feel ery good. There seemed to be thingssticking to eery #art of my body.

! settled back and tried to make sense of eerything that was goingon.

New ear"s 'ay, 4?@4. That much ! could remember.

&fter a fantastic &lbertaAstyle family Christmas the week before, we

took a seenAhour road tri# to be with friends for New ear"s 3e. Westo##ed along the way in 3dmonton, about fie hours from home, andbought our sons each a new est. 7ust a fun family outing oer theChristmas break.

&t our friends" home, my wife =orraine and ! s#ent many enjoyablehours catching u# with them and sim#ly hanging out. -ur nineAyearAoldson, (yron, and his sixAyearAold brother, (rent, relished the chance to#lay with other children and to hae fun with their stillAnew Christmas

toys.

We rang in the New ear together and then tumbled off to bed.>orning would come early, and we were heading home the next day toget a jum# on the week.

7anuary 4st dawned a clear and fairly warm day for the middle ofwinter. When it came time to leae,we #iled into the car for the seenAhour tri# home. ! remember the o#en

sky lighting u# the colourful sceneryaround us as we droe along the

&lberta highway. The road wasmostly bare and wet, due to thewarmth of the sun in the clear sky. &swe droe, the car was full ofsatisfaction and #eace.

&round dinnertime we #assed

through Whitecourt, a small townabout halfway u# the highwaybetween 3dmonton and ourhometown, and hunted for a restaurantwhere we could take a break from the



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road and enjoy a nice meal. (ut because it was the New ear"s 'ayholiday, all eateries along the highway were closed. We settled for a fulltank of gas and a few snacks from the gas station.

3ening had set in when we left Whitecourt and got back on thehighway. (rent and (yron giggled in the back seat, tugging back andforth at (yron"s new %ame (oy and chatting about the things sixA andnineAyearAold brothers talk about. (rent always saw his big brother(yron as his largerAthanAlife hero, and the two of them loed s#endingtime together it certainly didn"t matter to them that they$d beencoo#ed u# in the back seat of a car all day.

*0ey 'ad, called (yron. *Tell us the bull story< Demember that

time when you were a kid and the bull crashed through the corral gate8Tell us the story again #lease<

*-kay, (yron, ! will<

! remember glancing u# at his ha##y face in the rearAiew mirror.

(rent #i#ed u#, *eah, tell us again, 'ad<

&nd that"s what ! remembered. 7ust a ty#ical family heading home

from a good time with friends enjoying each other"s com#any andsharing stories about life growing u# on a dairy farm.

&nd now ! was here, trying des#erately to emerge from the fog thatenelo#ed me, trying to make sense of what my friend 7ack had just toldme.

There$s no nightAandAday cycle ina hos#ital"s intensie care unit. Thehustle and bustle is constant, a steadybackdro# of sound and actiity.

>y reconnection to the world ofthe liing took #lace gradually in thatfirst week. !nitially, ! didn"t hae timesof slee#ing and then being awake.!nstead, ! sli##ed in and out of theha:e that constantly shrouded me.

There were times ! was more awakeand lucid, and then times when theworld again faded into nothingness.



Lorraine & John BaergenE

&nd there were times when !, myself, was aware of my surroundingsbut those around me must not hae known ! was *#resent, because !$doccasionally oerhear healthcare workers talking about my condition –

conersations they might not hae had so close to my bed if they$dknown ! could hear them.

*>r. and >rs. 0eidebrecht8 !"m 'r. )wanson from !ntensie Care.The doctor was s#eaking to =orraine"s #arents. !t sounded as though theywere just outside the door. *+hh, if you"re wanting to see 7ohn alieyou"ll need to go in really soon... ! remember feeling sorry for myinlaws, reali:ing they must be dealing with a lot.

&lthough !$d heard that same #rognosis s#oken other times in those

first few days of awareness, it took me a while to reali:e the doctors wereactually referring to me. -biously, they were not ex#ecting me to lielong. (ut des#ite the discouraging atmos#here around me, ! felt a strongsense of #eace and comfort deelo#ing inside2 it felt like ! was beingheld by a strength from outside of myself. ! recogni:ed that #resence tobe 7esus. ! began to know at a dee# leel that the -ne with whom ! hadtrusted my life was now holding me. 5eace, comfort, the feeling of beingcarried along almost like a child2 that was the sustenance that enabled me

to remain in this world, and to moe forward in my 6uest to make senseof what was ha##ening in those early days.

&t that #oint, of course, ! had no idea how radically my life hadchanged. ! was coming to gri#s with the fact that something catastro#hichad ha##ened, but the sense of being held in the arms of 7esus ke#t me ina #lace of #rofound #eace as #arts of the #u::le began drifting into #lace.

That #eace was there for me when! oerheard doctors and nurses

discussing things they #robably didn"twant me to know. The #eace was alsothere for me when ! heard #eo#lesaying things they definitely did wantme to hear, like from one man whowas #art of our church back home.

To this day ! cannot figure outhow he got into my room. !mmediate

family members had access, as well asour #astor and my friend 7ack, buteeryone else was barred because ofmy fragile condition. et to sli# in,this man would hae had to eade the



Unwritten

workers at the front desk, the nurses at the intensie care nursing station,and the doctors and nurses roaming the hallways.

! awoke to find him standing at the foot of my bed. While ! knew

who he was, we weren$t friends. &nd although ! couldn$t see clearly,there seemed to be something strange about the way he was watchingme.

*0ey, (aergen, !"e just been in to see your son. 0e"s not doing erywell. !n fact, !"d say he"s not going to make it.

The man continued with what ! remember as smugness andsatisfaction.

*(aergen, your son looks bad. Deally bad. ! think he"s going to die.

There was definitely s#ite and maleolence in his oice. !t looked asthough he was grinning at me, but it was definitely not out ofcom#assion. 0e leaned in closer, staring me right in the eye.

*(aergen, you"re not going to make it either. ou won"t get out ofhere<

With that final taunt, the man straightened u#, turned, and strode out

of the room.! was stunned. ! had no idea he disliked me so much. ! knew he was

from my hometown, so when ! reali:ed he was standing at the foot of mybed ! thought he was there to see how ! was doing, or to bring messagesof ho#e and su##ort from friends. (ut this was no encouragement.

-ur town was not that big,situated about fie hours from thenearest big city. The discoery of oil

and natural gas in the region in the late4?GHs had increased the si:e of thecity steadily, but with a #o#ulation of

just oer ;E,HHH in 4?@4, it didn"t takemuch to stand out in a crowd.

&s established business #eo#le inthe area during the region"s economicboom during the late 4?GHs and into

the first #art of the 4?@Hs, =orraineand ! enjoyed a somewhat #ublic#rofile due to our growingdeelo#ment com#any and mortgagebrokerage firm. There were other



Lorraine & John BaergenI

reasons we were well known, too, but most of the recognition resultedfrom our business actiities. &t times we were called u#on for media6uotes when re#orters were looking for a local comment on a business or

economic story. We were ha##y with life as it was.The news of our accident had caused 6uite a stir in the community

when it broke in the local media on the morning of 7anuary ;nd allunbeknownst to me, of course. -ne local radio announcer een stated onair that !$d been killed in the crash. (ut to 6uote >ark Twain1 *The newsof my death had been greatly exaggerated.

et with the s#otlight oer the years came the occasional jealousswi#e from others who #erha#s felt we were getting *too big for our

britches. While it"s not something you ex#ect, it"s still not sur#risingwhen it ha##ens from time to time. !t"s the kind of thing you learn to liewith.

(ut this, a #erson coming all the way to the city hos#ital from fiehours away to stand at the foot of my bed and delier his brand of*encouragement this was something !$d neer ex#erienced before. !was floored with the intensity of his dislike for me and my family, andhis almost gleeful reaction to our situation.

(ut still, the comfort of being held in the arms of 7esus carried meforward.

(y the end of the week or so ! was #retty much back to fullawareness at least as much as ! could be with all the medication being

#um#ed into me. 3erything was stillblurry, but ! could kee# my eyes o#enand was able to acknowledge #eo#lewhen they s#oke to me. The worldaround me started to make moresense, although ! still struggled tounderstand exactly what hadha##ened.

>y friend 7ack had been back into see me seeral times, and he$dex#lained a few more details of thecrash.

*ou #robably didn"t een see itcoming, 7ack said. *From what the#olice can determine to this #oint, the



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other drier in a threeA6uarter ton #ickAu# and #ulling a trailer lostcontrol on the gradual corner you were just coming to. 0is trailer startedswinging out, which #ulled the back of his truck along with it, and thewhole thing came down the road sideways right toward your ehicle asyou droe oer the crest of the rise.

! wasn"t able to s#eak, but ! sure had 6uestions. !"m sure 7ack couldsee them in my eyes.

*es, 7ohn, he was going too fast. The road was icing oer, but eenfor dry #aement the other drier was going far too fast.

! ke#t looking at 7ack.

*es, 7ohn, the man had been drinking. !t was New ear"s 'ay,remember8

!t was ama:ing the way 7ack antici#ated my silent 6ueries.

*No, he"s not in the hos#ital here. From my understanding, he washardly injured and went home after being treated in the emergencyroom.

3en in my medicated state ! could feel a few things floating to the

surface in me, one of which was relief that the crash had not been myfault. The other was a definite need to understand how something likethis could ha##en – weren"t we under %od"s #rotection8

!t was a lot to absorb and #rocess. et ! still felt ! was being held by7esus, and ! allowed myself to restback into that #lace of comfort.

From my bed ! could hear a man"s

oice re#eatedly saying *No, no, no,no< from somewhere across the room.! couldn"t see who he was or what washa##ening, but een in my alteredstate ! understood he was dealing withthings too traumatic for him to handle.

*No, no, no, no, no< &s the oicecontinued, eerything within me

wanted to find out what was troublinghim. ! was still ery much aware ofbeing held in the arms of 7esus, and !



Lorraine & John Baergen@

knew this gentleman needed the #eace ! had.

*No, no, no, no< &gain the oice called. 0ow ! wished ! couldconnect with him somehow, that ! could share the restfulness and ho#e !

had<(ut it was not to be. 0is constant calling out grew in intensity oer

the hours, and then, all of a sudden, faded. The silence afterward wassombre, and the atmos#here in the ward, which was far fromencouraging to begin with, became ery subdued for 6uite a while.

'ays later, when ! could s#eak a little, ! motioned a nurse oer to mybedside and asked about the man who$d been in the bed across from

mine. )he told me he$d actually been a doctor at the hos#ital, someonethey$d all known and worked with. 'uring my time across from him hewas in the final stages of a terminal illness, and what !$d heard was hisfear of dying, which was so strong that it had cracked shar#ly through hisnormal eneer of control and semiAarrogance.

! didn"t know the full story at that time, of course. &ll ! knew thenwas that this man was afraid, and had no way of dealing with his fear.

& few days later, as ! was resting, one of the nurses came into theroom, checked my ital signs and the !J dri#, and asked if ! wascomfortable. >y jaw and facial bones were wired together, and because !couldn$t ex#ress myself well if ! needed anything, the staff constantlychecked to make sure ! was okay.

7ust as she was about to leae mybedside, the nurse sto##ed and turned

back to the head of my bed. =eaningoer toward me, she looked mestraight in the eyes.

*&re you a Christian8 she asked6uietly but intently. ! lifted my fingerand beckoned her closer to me,because all ! could do was whis#er.)he leaned in right close to my mouth.

*es, ! whis#ered through mywiredAshut mouth. *&re you, too8

)he shook her head. *No, !"mnot, she said.



Unwritten ?

! beckoned her close again, and dug dee# for enough strength to talkagain.

*Why would you ask me that, ! said, *if you"re not a Christian8

)he ste##ed back a bit, but still looked right at me. 0er ga:e wassteady.

*!$e worked on this ward for more than two years, she said 6uietly.*!"e seen many #eo#le admitted during that time, and !$e seen many#ass away. ou are the first #erson !$e eer seen who is not afraid ofdeath.

! didn"t know what to say. 'eath certainly did seem like a #ossibility

in those early days after the crash. The #ain was intense my facialbones were crushed, my skull and collarbone were fractured, cranial fluidwas leaking from my nose, and my #elis and hi# were shattered. %ienthat !$d been hoering on the edge of death, her 6uestion intrigued me.

)he looked at me again, #atted my hand softly, and left the room tocontinue her duties.

!$d known all week the sense of being held in the arms of 7esus, but !hadn$t reali:ed until that moment how 0is #eace, so actie in me, wasalso a##arent to others obsering me. ! closed my eyes and rested in thatreality.

=ooking back, ! hae no doubt that 0is loe, that sense of being heldby 7esus, is what carried me through that whole week.

What ! didn"t know back then and it was good that ! didn$t know was that the week !$d just liedthrough would be the easiest week !$d

face for a long, long time.

K K K K K K

=orraine/

! had lied a ery different ex#erience

from 7ohn in that first week after the

crash.The first thing ! remember is

regaining consciousness while sitting on

the highway. The #aement under me

was icy cold, but ! wasn"t aware enough to



Lorraine & John Baergen4H

gras# that something was wrong. ! must hae ke#t drifting back into

unconsciousness, because ! recall there being seeral times when ! would sort

of wake u# and wonder again what was going on.

3erything was 6uiet.

When you"re driing, the constant low hum of the engine and the gentle

moan of the tires on the #aement sim#ly become #art of the soundsca#e2

they"re always there, and the sounds all blend together to form the soundtrack

of your life in the car on a road tri#. They fade out of your thoughts and into

the background.

(ut when the sounds hae sto##ed, the silence becomes ery loud.

! woke u# again. This time ! noticed tiny shards of smashed windshield all

around me on the #aement. ! had no idea what these s#arkling little #ieces of

glass were, nor did ! understand what the im#lications of their #resence were

for me or my family.

! woke u# again, still on the highway. !t seemed there were some sounds,

after all, which stood out in the stillness. ! could hear a faint metallic ticking

from behind me somewhere, caused by the hot engine block from our car

cooling ra#idly in the eening winter air. &gain, ! had no idea what the sound

was or what it meant out here in the middle of nowhere.

The next time ! drifted awake the sounds ! heard were a##roaching sirens,

which after a #eriod of getting louder suddenly sto##ed, changing to slamming

ehicle doors and the a##roaching footste#s and efficient oices of a crew of

#aramedics.

)omeone came u# to me, shone a

flashlight into my face, and started

talking. ! had no idea what he was saying

or what he was asking. )trong hands

hel#ed me u# off the ground and led me

to an ambulance, where ! was directed to

sit in the front #assenger seat.

! still had no idea what had

ha##ened, or what was going on aroundme. &nd ! made no effort to figure it out.

! just sat there, drifting in and out, while

this blur of actiity continued.



Unwritten 44

0ad ! been conscious, ! would hae heard a loud noise like a chainsaw. We

didn$t know it until much later, but this was the inaugural run for the town of

Whitecourt"s new *7aws of =ife, a deice built to extricate #eo#le tra##ed in

wrecked cars. 7ust before Christmas, about a week before we arried, the townhad #urchased the unit – and now already there was a des#erate need for it to

be #ut to use. ! wasn$t een aware of the noise, but the 7aws of =ife were ri##ing

into our Cadillac to free 7ohn and (yron, who were tra##ed in the wreckage.

!$m glad that at the time ! didn$t reali:e what was ha##ening.

Then, suddenly, we were moing. &s my ambulance raced down the

highway back toward the town of Whitecourt ! found myself thinking, *Wow,

this guy needs to slow down. !f he kee#s going this fast we could hae an

accident< ! was in such a state of shock that ! had no com#rehension of what

was ha##ening.

! must hae drifted off again, because when ! awoke ! found myself lying

on a stretcher in what a##eared to be a gleaming white hallway. When ! turned

my head to one side, ! saw another stretcher beside mine and there was

someone on it. ! tried hard to see who it was, and then reali:ed it was my son

(rent.

! slowly turned my head to the other side, and recogni:ed (yron laying on

his own stretcher. (y this time ! knew something terrible had ha##ened, but

was reassured to see both my sons were still alie and with me.

7ohn<

&drenaline shot through me as !

reali:ed ! couldn$t see my husband.

*5lease, someone, ! called out. *Cananyone tell me where my husband is8

)omeone in a white lab coat a##roached.

*0ello, >rs. (aergen. our husband

is here, too. 0e$s in a room down the

hallway.

! remember being reassured by that2

my sons were beside me where ! couldsee them, and 7ohn was with us here, too,

although in another room.



Lorraine & John Baergen4;

! remained awake, although groggily so, and was eentually wheeled into

my own room. !$d closed my eyes to rest when ! heard a 6uiet conersation just

beyond my bed.

*We"re going to hae to #ut her out for that, of course, said one oice.

&nother oice re#lied, but ! wasn$t able to hear the answer.

5ut her out8 Was that me they were talking about8 What did they mean by

that8

=ater ! learned that the conersation was about my face, which had

suffered seere lacerations in the crash. They did #ut me out, like they$d said,

and the only doctor aailable that night a young intern sering on call in the

emergency room at this tiny little rural hos#ital sewed my face back

together, using @E stitches in the #rocess. What damage a forceful exit through

the windshield can cause<

>ore than my a##earance was going to change, of course, in the coming

days, weeks, and months. &nd like 7ohn, ! was com#letely unaware of how

significantly eerything ! knew had been shattered and u#rooted foreer

because of that swift and deastating moment on an icy highway.

When ! awoke the next morning, ! was told that 7ohn and my eldest son,

(yron, had been airlifted to a larger hos#ital in 3dmonton where they$d each

receie better care for their extensie, lifeAthreatening injuries.

>y younger son (rent had also been trans#orted to the same larger

hos#ital. 0e$d suffered an extremely large laceration on his scal#, one that ran

from his forehead all the way back across

his head. 0is leg was also badly broken

just below the hi#, so he$d been #ut intraction as soon as he$d arried. (ut een

with these injuries, ! was told (rent was

in the best sha#e of the three of them.

7ohn was critically injured there

really was no ho#e for his surial in

those early days. &ll ! could do was #ray

for him as the doctors re#orts came backto me day by day.

When hos#ital staff finally felt they

could tell me about my nineAyearAold

son, (yron, ! learned that he was in a



Unwritten 4B

coma. The doctors told me that (yron was almost certainly brain injured, and

that his condition would hae longAterm im#lications for our family.

(rain injured.

!$d trained as a registered nurse, and could usually understand medical

terms and treatments, but when it came to my own son ! had no real

com#rehension of what the term "brain injured" meant. For someone else !

could hae seen the fuller context and understood – but when it was my own

son in 6uestion ! sim#ly could not fathom all that was meant by this traumatic

and rather terrifying re#ort.

>y own injuries the facial lacerations and four broken ribs now

seemed fairly minor, at least com#ared to the rest of my family. ! was told !$d

remain in the little town hos#ital to begin my healing #rocess.

Thankfully, my sister Carol came to be with me in Whitecourt. )teady,

strong, and focused, Carol had always been able to gras# situations 6uickly and

res#ond a##ro#riately. )he came with other family members the day after the

crash, and when 7ohn and the boys were sent off to 3dmonton to get the hel#

they needed, Carol stayed with me and took charge of my recoery.

-ther family members and friends started #o##ing by, too. >ost of them

isited with me briefly on their way through to the city to isit 7ohn and the

boys. )ome, howeer, made time to sit and talk. -ften our conersations

focused on what %od might be u# to in the whole situation ! had an

unshakeable belief that 7esus would heal (yron, and ! had a ery strong sense

that 0e could use eerything we were

dealing with for the greater good.

*'o you think %od was trying to getyour attention8 our #astor asked. We$d

been talking about some of the eents in

our lies as a cou#le in the months

leading u# to the crash.

!$d neer thought about that. When !

#ondered our lies to that #oint, being as

objectie as #ossible, ! saw we$d always

genuinely tried to lie out our faith in the

community, working in ways that could

truly hel# others on their own s#iritual

journeys. We were committed and



Lorraine & John Baergen4E

intentional about #ursuing the dee#er things in life.

*No, ! mused, *! don"t think 0e was trying to get our attention2 ! think

0e"s had our attention for some time. (ut ! do think 0e"s been taking us

dee#er, sha#ing and moulding our character een more.

&nd 0e really had been sha#ing us both s#iritually and in other ways. That

was going to become a lot clearer to both of us in the months ahead.

&t that moment, though, there in that little hos#ital in Whitecourt, my

focus was narrowing toward my immediate goal1 ! really wanted to get to the

city to be with my family.

*>rs. (aergen, you hae a #hone call, said a nurse coming in from thehallway.

5hone calls had been a regular sta#le for me, sometimes u# to three a day,

as doctors from the metro#olitan hos#ital called with u#dates about 7ohn and

our two sons. The city was only a twoAhour drie away, but the desire ! had to

be with my family was so strong it seemed like it was on another continent.

There was no #hone in my room, so Carol usually took my calls at the

nurses$ station.

*!t was 7ack 9lemke, Carol said on her return to the room. *0e wanted to

know how you"re doing. 7ack and his wife Carol were good friends of ours, yet

! was sur#rised it was 7ack calling and not the doctor whose call ! had ex#ected.

*What did you tell him8 ! asked. ! winced a bit as ! s#oke, because the

stitches on my face were swelling and

starting to leak. ! wasn"t much in the

mood for looking in the mirror thatweek.

*! told him you"re on the mend, at

least as far as your ribs are concerned. !

didn"t mention your face2 it hasn"t

changed in the last cou#le of days.

*'id he see 7ohn today8 ! asked.

7ack lied in the city, and he had beenisiting 7ohn regularly.

*That"s mainly why he called. 0e

knows you want to get there 6uickly, and



Unwritten 4

he had a #ro#osal for us to consider. When the doctors here let you know theday of your discharge, 7ack wants you to call immediately. 0e"ll send his #riate

#lane to get us, and then we"ll both fly to 3dmonton so you can be with 7ohn as

soon as #ossible.

! was thrilled< &ll ! wanted was to be with my family, and the wait was

unbearable. 0ere, though, was a workable solution. 7ack"s #lane would make

short work of the distance between us, and, at that #oint, ! much #referred the

thought of a 6uick, smooth flight to a long, bum#y car ride.

Carol left to discuss details with 7ack, and ! settled down in my bed feeling

a little more ho#eful.

!t was ery touching to hae other #eo#le look out for me. 7ack and his

wife Carol were friends, and ! could tell this was one of the ways they felt they

could best hel# us.

>y sister had been a lifesaer, too. We$d trained together as nurses, andwhile !$d changed course to become 7ohn"s wife and business #artner, she$d left

nursing to join a world mission agency. Carol had acce#ted an agency #osting

in Jienna, &ustria, and had actually been scheduled to fly there during the first

weeks of 7anuary. When she receied news of our crash, she called Jienna and#ost#oned her moe for at least a month until she knew we would recoer.

That demonstration of her commitment to us was ama:ing and dee#ly alued.

Finally, near the end of the week, ! was told ! was well enough to trael,

and could be discharged the next day. Carol #honed 7ack with the news, and

7ack, in turn, sent his crew to #re#are for

the short flight.

(ut the #lane tri# was not to be. &bli::ard had rolled in that morning, and

after three attem#ts to land, the #ilot

aborted his flight #lan and headed back

with an em#ty #lane.

&nd ! was left feeling em#ty, too. &ll

! wanted to do was to reunite with my

family. &gain, my com#etent and

determined sister came to the rescue. )he

collected me and my stuff and gallantly

rode with me on the %reyhound bus from



Lorraine & John Baergen4I

smallAtown Whitecourt all the way to 3dmonton.

! wanted to go to my family, yes, but ! hadn"t #lanned on going by bus. !

longed to talk with 7ohn again as 6uickly as #ossible, and this change in #lans

was delaying our muchAawaited reunion. ! dreaded waiting for the bus, and !

dreaded the twoAhour tri#. &nd the last thing ! wanted was be seen in #ublic

with my face the way it was – the swelling around the @E stitches was worse

than eer, and had reached the #oint where my face was literally leaking.

(ut since the bus was my only o#tion for getting to the rest of my family, !

#ulled myself together, sat myself as far away from eeryone else as #ossible,

and ke#t my face turned toward the window for the whole tri#. &s the miles

#assed, ! became #reoccu#ied with #re#aring myself for what ! would see when! finally arried in 3dmonton.

! couldn"t hel# but notice familiar scenery as the bus #ulled out of

Whitecourt and headed down the highway toward the city. )een days earlier

my family and ! had been on this same road in our car, laughing together,

enjoying family stories, and sim#ly #artici#ating in normal life as we headed

home. -ne week ago it was a new year, life was good, and we were ha##y.

0ow 6uickly eerything had changed in those seen days. &nd howdrastically.

There wasn"t much ! could do to hide the tears sli##ing down my face. !

stared out the window and found myself wondering if this was what #eo#le

meant by *hitting the bottom. Was this what the bottom looked like for us8

=ooking back, ! can say the tri# to

the city hos#ital in that bus was the

lowest #oint of my life. Technically, ! wasno longer in shock, but ! was certainly

still reeling from the im#act of all that

had ha##ened. )ure, the dust had settled

a little by the end of this first week, but

what was being reealed was a astly

different landsca#e than what we$d lied

in the week before.

! mean, who among us eer #lans for

these sudden turns in the journey of life8

Certainly, we$d #urchased car insurance

and life insurance, but we$d bought those



Unwritten 4G

#olicies because it was the right thing to do, not because we were #lanning for

bad things to ha##en to us. !nsurance offers *#rotection, but while a car can

be re#laced, there is absolutely no #rotection in those #olicies from the results

of a s#litAsecond eent on a winter$s icy highway.

&t Christmas and on New ear"s 3e, life had been wonderful. Now, a

week after New ear"s, it was like the #ause button had been #ushed on all our

#lans and dreams. =ife had #ulled in from the big #icture down to an intense

focus on the here and now. &nd ! was scrambling to find something

anything ! could cling to for ho#e.

!$d neer been in this #lace before. !$d neer een thought about being in

this #lace before. &ny work %od had done in grooming my character, and anylife ex#erience !$d already gained, were now conerging with great intensity in

my #resent ex#erience. ! couldn"t see the way forward, but ! had no choice but

to moe onward, een if it was inch by inch.

!f ! knew anything for certain, it was that what ! had considered *normal

was oer. &nd now a New Normal had to be created.

! was discoering some fundamental truths about myself. 5re#aration for

this unwritten #ortion of my life whether ! was aware of it or not wasfinished. Whateer foundations had been built into my life were now all ! had

to stand on. There was no o##ortunity to go back and reAwrite life ex#eriences2

whateer !$d allowed %od to do in me u# to that #oint was now all ! had to

build on as ! moed forward.

! couldn$t articulate it that clearly at

the time, though. )itting on that bus,

heading to 3dmonton, all ! knew was thata door had closed on the first #art of our

lies. &nd ! knew a new door was

o#ening, but ! had absolutely no idea

what lay across the threshold.

)taring out the window of that

cranky old %reyhound, it seemed to me

that ! was in way oer my head. What

awaited me at the city hos#ital8 !t wasone thing to get u#dates oer the #hone

but what would it be like when !

actually saw 7ohn and (yron and (rent8



Lorraine & John Baergen4@

! was relieed to finally be on my way to be with 7ohn and the boys. (ut !

had to admit there was a bit of fear still tugging at my heart.

3erything was different now.This was absolutely the lowest #oint in my life2 of that much ! was sure.

(ut certainly things would start to im#roe now, right8<< That was the fear !

hesitated to admit to1 things couldn"t actually get worse, could they8

That"s what ! was about to discoer.



;;

&bout the authors

7ohn and =orraine (aergen lie in 9elowna, (ritish Columbia.(yron lies with them, and enjoys the friendshi# and community ofliing on the same #iece of country #ro#erty as his brother, the *sisterwho he loes, and his B ne#hews.

7ohn and =orraine, together with (rent and )abrina, gie leadershi#to the Encounter God moement that is extending outside the world of

their mentors, Day L Fran 'uerksen. That is where this message began,and it was through their ministry that %od brought growing wholenessand freedom to the (aergen family. The (aergens beliee the message of

Encounte r God is foundational to a new ex#ression of s#iritual formationthat is emerging, and therefore the time to share this message is Mnow$.>eeting 7esus in a #ersonal way makes all the difference in a Christian$slife< They hold to the coniction that when leaders lead out of wholenessand freedom, there is no limit to what %od can do through their ministry2and then when a community of belieers lies out of wholeness andfreedom, there is no limit to the %odAdifference in that community andbeyond. The (aergens gie leadershi# to a community of belieerswithin the local church setting who hae ex#erienced Encounter God ,and this M3ncounter Jillage$ shares the journey of liing throughbrokenness so %od can bring greater wholeness and fullness.



Lorraine & John Baergen;;I

To contact 7ohn and =orraine (aergen sim#ly emaillorraine.baergenshaw.ca

)#eaking engagements on to#ics that include1O (roken that makes one whole

O (itterness or freedom, that is the choice

O 0o#e for your marriage

O )elf =eadershi#

Weekend Detreats on to#ics that include1O (roken that makes one whole

O (itterness or freedom, that is the choice

O >arriage that lasts

O )elf =eadershi#

3lder Detreats or 'iscussions

The =eader$s >arriage

Creating Community in an &lone World

For more on Encounter God, isit unwrittenministries.com andcheck the 3ncounter %od link. For further co#ies of Unwritten, #leasecheck at your local bookstore or contact +nwritten >inistries directly.

unwritten chapter 1

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