Unit 3: Communication & Conflict

Part 1: Process, Styles, and Effective Communication

©Jenison International AcademyMelissa Rodgers

70% of our waking hours are spent in

different forms of communication

Of this percentage:

9% is spent on writing.

16% is spent on reading.

30% is spent on talking.

45% is spent on listening.

Researchers claim that 75% of oral communication is

ignored, misunderstood, or quickly forgotten.

The Communication Process:

There must be at least 2 people involved in any communication:

1. SENDER - the person speaking or sending

the message to another person or group of people.

2. RECEIVER - the person being spoke to

or receiving the message being sent.

Communication Styles

There are three types of communication styles, one of them is far more effective than the other two.

ASSERTIVE - communication that is honest, direct expression of self which does not put down or ignore other person in the relationship. Assertiveness happens as part of a relationship rather than an individual act and is an example of win / win communication where both individuals are winners.

Communication Styles

PASSIVE - communication that either ignores experience of self or dishonest expression in a relationship. Passive occurs in relationships rather than individual acts and is an example of win/lose communication where the passive person is the loser.

Communication Styles

AGGRESSIVE – communication that may be dishonest but is expressed in a way that hurts, puts down, ignores or controls other people and their experience. Aggressiveness occurs in relationships rather than as an individual act and is an example of a win/lose communication where the non aggressor loses.

YOUR NEEDS

Aggressive

OTHERS’ NEEDS

Passive

Assertive

Effective Communication

The things we say, the responses we make, set the tone for every conversation we are involved in.

Positive communication involves door openers (constructive)

Door Opener Examples:

“It sounds like you’re sad about...”“It seems unfair that...”“You look worried about...”

Effective Communication

Negative, unhealthy communication involves

door slammers (destructive)

Door slammer examples

“You don’t know anything”“Who do you think you are”“If you had any sense at all...”

Why do you think they called “door openers and slammers”?

Barriers:

These things can get in the way when you communicate:

1. Body Language – what is your body saying when talking to someone. Are your arms crossed? This means you are closed to ideas. You will learn more about this in the next lesson.

2. Noise, distractions – It can be hard to have a serious conversation in a loud restaurant or while the TV is on. When communicating, think about the environment around you.

Barriers:These things can get in the way when you communicate:

3. Multiple meanings – Have you ever said something and someone took it the wrong way? A perfect example of multiple meanings is Amelia Bedelia:

“In Merry Christmas, Amelia Bedelia, Amelia is making cakes and pies for the family to eat. On the list is a date cake. After a moment of pondering where to get dates on such short notice, Amelia finds a calendar, clips out all of the dates and dumps them into her cake batter. That's a lawsuit waiting to happen, Amelia Bedelia!”

"10 Amelia Bedelia-isms." Mental Floss. Web. 19 Aug. 2014.

Barriers:These things can get in the way when you communicate:

4. Mixed signals – your words might be saying one thing, but your body language is conveying something else. This also includes the saying, “do as I say, not as I do”.5. Stereotyping – doing and saying things based on an assumption or an oversimplified conception or belief. For example, someone might speak really loud to someone who does not speak English as their first language.6. Prejudice – making assumptions and having an attitude about people based on race, culture, gender, or physical appearance.

Barriers:These things can get in the way when you communicate:

7. Accusations – when accusing someone it makes them feel guilty without being able to say their side of the story

8. Poor timing - think about timing when wanting to talk to someone. When is it a good time to talk to your parents about something serious?

9. Attitude – Have you ever heard your parents say, cut out the attitude? Think about HOW you say something. For example, your tone and body language.

Techniques for Communicating EffectivelyWe know what not to do when communicating, let’s learn what to do!

1. Use I messages

2. Keep responses short

3. Slow down, verbally

4. Deepen your voice - do not whine

5. Monitor tone of voice

6. Watch non-verbal messages

I - Messages

I – messages are used during those difficult times when you must assert yourself and confront someone about his/her unacceptable behavior so that a solution to the problem can be negotiated.

I-Messages Allow You To:

Confront people in a positive way.

Be open, honest, and straightforward about a person’s unacceptable behavior.

Avoid putting people on the defensive.

Appeal for help in solving the problem.

Communicate ownership of the problem.

I-Messages

“I feel .... when.... because...”

Feeling words

angryconfuseduncertainfrightenedshockedpressuredboredirritatedworriedtornunhappy

annoyedenviousoffendedupsetjealoushelplessiratealarmeddistrustfulfrustratedanxious

crusheddoubtful

YOU MESSAGE

YOU MESSAGES are ineffective because

they concern language that sounds

abrasive, judgmental, condescending, or

injurious to the self esteem of the person

being confronted

YOU MESSAGES

Make people feel guilty

Interpreted as blame, put downs, criticism,

and rejections

Show a lack of respect

Damages self esteem to the recipient

Makes a person feel hurt and resentful

How would this make you feel?

“You lazy bum! All you ever want to do is watch football. Take the trash out this minute”

“You kids are acting like wild animals”

“You are such a slob. I will never let you do a project in the kitchen again”