uncle andy's digest - june 2013

THE MOST UNUSUAL DIGEST IN AMERICAFREEJune 2013.comUNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

[email protected]

27 MILLETT DRIVE, AUBURN • 784-1577TAYLORBROOKDENTAL.COM

Preventative dentistry - cleanings and fillings

Cosmetic dentistry - whitening, bridges, crowns, implants & more

We accept most insurances

Financing available

Complete, comprehensive dentistry for ages 3 to 103

TAYLOR BROOK

DENTAL ASSOCIATES

NEW

Patients Always

Welcome!

181 Center St.; Auburn, Maine 04210www.rmsmortgage.com •[email protected]

Residential MortgageService, Inc.

This is not a commitment to lend. Availability dependent upon approved credit and documentation level, acceptable appraisal, and market conditions. Residential Mortgage Services, Inc. is a Maine Corporation Headquartered at 24 Christopher Toppi Drive, South Portland, ME 04106. ME License No. SLM2537

Debbie Bodwell, Vice PresidentNMLS# 280336

777.1551

★ Low Fixed Rates★ FHA, VA, Rural Development & MSHA Loan Programs★ Experienced & Local Mortgage Professionals★ Close Fast & On Schedule★ Over the Phone Approvals

FIRST TIME HOMEBUYER SPECIALIST

Take the first step to owning your own home

We also offer refinancing

145 Main Street, South Paris744-0290 • 1 800 686-7633 • www.creaserjewelers.com

Jewelry to fall in love with

Confucius say… man with chip on shoulder have wood higher up.

You haven't experienced awkward until you try to tickle someone who isn't ticklish.

DBJ DESIGNS

DBJ DESIGNS

• Kitchen Designing

• Custom Cabinets

• Granite Counter Tops

• Custom Trim Work

and much more!

I promise to bringyou superb

customer service!

DBJ Designs and Houston Brothers Building Contractors

Residential and Commercial InstallsCall for your one-on-one appointment

[email protected] Lisbon Rd. • Lisbon Falls, ME -4252

We are teaming up!June

Special10% off

783-7039

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo & Travis

June 20132

Critical Thinking

Teacher: If a lion ischasing you, whatwould you do?

Student: I’d climb atree.

Teacher: If the lionclimbs a tree?

Student: I will jump inthe lake and swim.

Teacher: If the lionalso jumps in the waterand swims after you?

Student: Teacher, areyou on my side or onthe lion's?

Golfing PriestSubmitted by Jimbo

A young man and apriest are playing golftogether. At a short par3 the priest asks,“What are you going touse on this hole, myson?”

The young man says,“An iron, father. Howabout you?”

The priest says, “I'mgoing to hit a softseven and pray.”

The young man hits hisiron and puts the ballon the green. Thepriest tops his iron anddribbles the ball out afew yards.

The young man says,“I don't know aboutyou, father, but when Ipray we keep ourheads down.”

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA

JUNE 2013

Thursday, June 6thRolly’s Diner Breakfast7am – 10am (Chapter 8609)87 Mill St, Auburn$4 Member; $5 Guest

Tuesday, June 11thSchmengees 4pm – 7pm(Chapter 12907)551 Lincoln St, Lewiston$8 Member; $8.50 Guest

Wednesday, June 12thDairy Frost 4pm –6pm(Chapter 7938)107 Bath Road, Brunswick

Tuesday June 18thTaber’s 4pm – 7pm(Chapter 8228)Lakeshore Drive, Auburn$4.50 Member; $5 Guest

Tuesday, June 25thYianni’s House of Pizza11:30am – 1pm(Chapter 10929)155 Main St, South Paris$5 Person

Wednesday, June 26thDairy Joy 3pm – 7pm(Chapter 12749)Campus Ave, Lew/ Spring St,Auburn$1 Member

Wednesday, June 26thDanny’s on the Mall4pm –6pm (Chapter 7938)Non Perishable Food Item

Park TicketsFuntown $19 M; $20 GAquaboggan TBACombo Fun/Splash$25.50 M; $27 GSplashtown $18.50 M; $20 GStoryLand TBAWaterCountry $27 M; $29 GYork Animal Kingdom $10 M;$11 G

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE-TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWEDPrices, Dates and Menu are subject tochange. If additional info is needed,please call our office, please do not callrestaurants. All activities can only be at-tended at the times listed.*************************Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up theweek prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (ex-cluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 20134

I'm not saying I'm Batman, I'm just saying you've never seen us in the same room.

A big shout out to sidewalks... Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

Uncle Andy’s Digestis published by the first

Friday of every month byMaine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME.

It is distributed free through-out Central Maine and mailed

to subscribers all over theworld. Subscriptions are

$30/year. Send a $30 checkmade out to

Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363,

Auburn, ME 04212

Uncle Andy’s

DigestMAILING ADDRESS:

PO Box 3363

Auburn, ME 04212

E-MAIL: [email protected]

PHONE: 207 783-7039

FAX: 207 777-3898

www.UncleAndys.com

June 2013 Staff

JIMBO

Opportunity

Knocks

TRAVIS

Confuciused

UNCLE ANDYExceeding All of Jimbo’s

Expectations

MAGGIE

Direct Support

Professional

MARTY

On the Green with

the new Club

ANGIE

Hurry up Honeymoon

TOM

of Maine

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in ourclient’s advertisements and our publication ingeneral, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inac-curacies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again!

AffordableDentures

Poorly fitting or broken dentures

repaired on-site, usually same-day

service!

Mike & JoeAdkins,licensed

denturists

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

514-0660

We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances AcceptedWe also accept Credit & Debit Cards

Also see us for:• Full Dentures• Immediate Dentures• Rebases• Relines• Repairs

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

SMILE AGAIN DENTURESFREE CONSULTATIONS

SmileAgainDentures.comOr email us at:

[email protected]

Confucius say… to make long story short… don't tell it.

Why is pizza circular, but in a square box, and served in triangles?

Out ’n About at the MaineHome Show

Jake Bilodeau

ADT Security

Burnham Painting

Carl LoomisADT Security

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 20136

Confucius say… marriages are made in heaven… so are thunder & lightning.

Confucius say… cannibal is person who likes to see other people stewed.

Trivia!

Joe loves to createconfusion. One Tues-day he sent an e-mailmemo to his secretarythat said, "I'll be backin the office three daysbefore one week afterthe day after tomorrow."

When would he beback?

A: Monday of the following week.

AlphabetWife

Submitted by Jimbo

After being married forthirty years, a wifeasked her husbandto describe her.

He looked at her for awhile, then said,"You're an alphabetwife... A, B, C, D, E, F,G, H, I, J, K."

She asks, "What theheck does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable,Beautiful, Cute, De-lightful, Elegant, Foxy,Gorgeous, and Hot".

She smiled happily andsaid, "Oh, that's solovely, but what aboutI, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eyeis starting to go downand the doctor doesn’tthink he’ll need stitcheson the gash on his lip.


Jimbo & Travis

June 2013 7UNCLEANDYS.COM

Confucius say… he who shoot off mouth, must expect to lose face.

Cardiology: The study of poker playing.

I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

Out ’n About atSherm ArnoldsGrand Opening

Bruce Gerry

Handguns • RiflesShotguns • AmmoWe’re a local business,

family owned & operated for over 10 years.

We offer archery lessons,lanes, rentals, sales, service,

& custom strings.

213 Washington St. • Auburn • 783-3060centralmainearchery.com

Joel & Virginia

A Fun New Option for Date Night

This arrow pullingstance was to show offthose unique shoes…Vibrams. This littlepiggy got an X, this lit-tle piggy got none, andthis little piggy wentall the way to thebullseye.”

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 20138

Confucius say… Van Gogh was a painter because he didn't have an ear for music.

A rumor is one thing that gets thicker instead of thinner as it is spread.

Kevin M. Connelly, D.M.D.

Financing Options Available

New Patients Always Welcome

www.kevinconnellydmd.com

Comprehensive Family Dental Care in a relaxing, comfortable atmosphere

1065 Lisbon Street, Lewiston(lower level)

376-4977

Same Day Emergency Care



Jimbo & Travis


Drive: A shot that comes after the whiff and before the mulligan.

Call Dianaor Larry formore info

and pricing!

Catering Division • 345-9009 www.dadsplace.info

There’s

NO PLACE like... Dad’s PlaceDad’s Place

Professional serviceat an affordable price

Hot & Cold Buffet-Style Catering

Indoor or Outdoor

One Stop Shop for Catering... Dad’s does it all!

We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!Ask us about Tents, Tables, Chairs, Dance Floor, etc. for your event

Weddings

Summer BBQ

Corporate Functions Reunions

Your Choice$10CELEBRATING OUR ANNIVERSARY

All month!2 Large (FAMOUS) Chicken Salad Subs

OR Med. Specialty Pizza

OR Large Lobster Sub

There’s NO PLACE like...

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

Dad’s Place

FREE COFFEE FRIDAY!with purchase ofbreakfast sandwich

Santa saw your facebook pictures...You're getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.

The best part about being a procrastinator is you always have something to do... tomorrow.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201310

Confucius say… question authority and the authorities will question you.

Scissors: A piece maker.

www.cassiels.com71 EAST AVENUE • LEWISTON, MAINE

(207) 783-3321

Give your father the gift he deserves!Send your special man alone

or join him for all services side by side.

Gift cards are always available

✦ Full Body Massage✦ Hot Stone Massage✦ Herbal (Detox) Body Wrap✦ Customized Facial✦ Gentleman’s Pedicure

DoggoneBrilliant

Submitted by Thomas Hill

A wealthy man decidedto go on a safari inAfrica. He took hisfaithful pet dachshundalong for company.One day, the dachs-hund starts chasingbutterflies and beforelong the dachshunddiscovers that he islost.

So, wandering about,he notices a leopardheading rapidly in hisdirection with the obvi-ous intention of havinghim for lunch. Thedachshund thinks,"OK, I'm in deep trou-ble now!" Then he no-ticed some bones onthe ground close by,and immediately set-tles down to chew onthe bones with his backto the approaching cat.Just as the leopard isabout to leap, thedachshund exclaimsloudly, "Boy, that wasone delicious leopard. Iwonder if there are anymore around here."

Hearing this, the leop-ard halts his attack inmid-stride, as a look ofterror comes over him,and slinks away intothe trees. "Whew,"says the leopard. "Thatwas close. That dachs-hund nearly had me."Meanwhile, a monkey,who had been watch-ing the whole scenefrom a nearby tree,

(continued on next page)


Jimbo & Travis


WOW! Don’t spend $18 at thebeauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS forAll day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

$12Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’sBarber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm;

Sat 7:30am - 2pm

There's a fine line between tan and looking liked you rolled around in Doritos.

Confucius say… fortune you seek is in another cookie.

figures he can put thisknowledge to good useand trade it for protec-tion from the leopard.So, off he goes.

But the dachshund sawhim heading after theleopard with greatspeed, and figured thatsomething must be up.The monkey sooncatches up with theleopard, spills thebeans and strikes adeal for himself withthe leopard. The leop-ard is furious at beingmade a fool of andsays, "Here monkey,hop on my back andsee what's going tohappen to that conniv-ing canine."

Now the dachshundsees the leopard com-ing with the monkey onhis back, and thinks,"What am I going to donow?" But instead ofrunning, the dog sitsdown with his back tohis attackers, pretend-ing he hasn't seenthem yet... and, justwhen they get closeenough to hear, thedachshund says,"Where's that darnmonkey? Sent him offhalf an hour ago tobring me another leopard."

(continued from previous page)

"I have seen what alaugh can do. It cantransform almostunbearable tears intosomething bearable,even hopeful."

– Bob Hope

47 Broad Street, New Auburn • 376-4959thefirehousegrille.biz

Sat. June 8th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Pop Rocks

Fri. June 14th . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Veggies by Day

Sat. June 15th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Tragic Cats

Fri. June 21st . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Chad Porter

Fri. June 28th . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Veayo Twins

Sat. June 29th . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Veggies by Day

Weekends: LIVE ENTERTAINMENT

JUNE BAND SCHEDULE

Sundays

Book your private party

Thursdays

Happy Hour2pm-closing

Friday

Ladies Night

Whiskey

Wednesdays

Every SaturdayLarge “Andy’s

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L/A’S NEWEST HOTSPOT FOR WEEKEND ENTERTAINMENT

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Lunches starting at

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Try our award winning

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RollodromeRollodromeWhere Good Skaters Meet

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Summer ScheduleOpen Evenings

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Closed for July Vacation 7/1-7/14

StartsJune 15th

Available for private partiesAsk about our

summer camps

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940www.rollodrome.com

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201312

Kramer made his "entrance" into Jerry Seinfeld's apartment 284 times.

There is a certain freedom in having nothing left to lose.

272 South Main St. Auburn • deepseacreations.com • 782-4372

Marine Fish • Coral • Supplies

Saltwater Fish TankHeadquarters!

My staff is here and ready

to serve you (and me). Stop by and

say hi.The boss,

Mumma Kitty

We are an official UPS shipper.


You tell that Uncle Andy guy to getover here. He keeps taking all the free

food!

Mark Ellie

George Grady

Ray Fickett


Jimbo & Travis


Confucius say… marriage is like game of poker… you start with pair and end with full house.

Fairway: A narrow strip of closely mown grass that separates two groups of golfers looking for lost balls in the rough.


Diane & John Lizotte

Mr & Mrs Jan Dreau

Kathy (aka Vanna White)

Jennifer Parsons

When it does not exist, design it.

Underwater Swimmer: One who practices submersive activities.783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201314

NewAuburnSocialClub

6 BANDS!! AT OUR BBQSaturday, June 22nd

Saturday, June 13th Members and SportsAppropriations Event

Car Shows Fridays, June 7th & June 21st

7 Second Street, Auburn • 782-9039

JUNE

Raise $$ for Lewiston fire victimsDonations accepted 11am-close

Job SecuritySubmitted by Thomas Hill

After being laid off fromfive different jobs infour months, UncleAndy was hired at awarehouse. One dayhe lost control of aforklift and drove it offthe loading dock.

Surveying the damage,the owner shook hishead and said he'dhave to withhold 10%of Uncle Andy's weeklywages to pay for therepairs.

"How much will itcost?" asked UncleAndy.

"About $4,500," saidthe owner.

"What a relief!" ex-claimed Uncle Andy."I've finally got job security!"

LAW AND DISORDERSubmitted by R. Collins

Q. And, doctor, as a re-sult of your examina-tion of the plaintiff inthis case, was theyoung lady pregnant?

A. The young lady waspregnant, but not as aresult of my examina-tion.

Q. Did you have an ap-preciable amount ofmoney with you at thetime?

A. Whatever money Ihad I appreciated.

What’s he looking

at?

Out ’n About at Sherm Arnolds Grand Opening

DRIVING RANGE MINI-GOLF

Open 7 days a week!

Burgers • DogsL/A’s Best Onion Rings

Fries • Ice Cream

Lake Shore Drive, (first left after the lake)Off Rt. 4 in Auburn

www.tabersgolf.comTABERS

FATHER’S DAY IS SUNDAY, JUNE 16THRESTAURANT


Jimbo & Travis


Confucius say… best way to slow a runaway horse, is to bet on it.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people.

Others have no imagination whatsoever.

120 Center Street, AuburnMon-Sat 9-7 • Sun 11-5 212-0770

Moms to be: Check out our Maternity Clothing!

Children’s Clothing, Toys & AccessoriesNewborn to 14/16 Boys & Girls

Visit our website for our Summer Class Schedule

rdtacticalhandgun.com

NRA Certified Instruction

CC Permit • Basic • AdvancedRoland Levasseur

NRA-SIG Academy - Frontsight212-0608

Don MailhotNRA - Law Enforcement576-5131

1052 Sabattus St. Lewiston 783-9021

Job Signs

Vehicle Lettering

Vinyl Wraps

eastcoastsigndesign.com

TRAILER WRAPSand Graphics


I can see my new hardwoodfloor in my mind’s

eye...

Dwight Nichols

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201316

I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.

Only dead fish go with the flow.

Out ’n About at the Chili &

Chowder Cookoff

RobertChef at Rolly’s Diner

CHOWDA!You’ll fall in love with

our chowda or my nameisn’t Robert.

Job DescriptionSubmitted by R. Collins

While taking a routinevandalism report at anelementary school, apoliceman was inter-rupted by a little girlabout six years old."Are you a cop?" sheasked.

"Yes," answered thepoliceman and contin-ued writing the report.

"My mother said that ifI ever needed help, Ishould ask the police.Is that right?"

"Yes, that’s right."

"Well then, would youplease tie my shoe?"

SAVE NOW!


Jimbo & Travis


Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.– Otto von Bismark

What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.– Uncle Andy

34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 • 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500

GreatFallsfcu.com

Great FallsFederal Credit Union

*Restrictions & qualification apply

Low Rates • Fast Approvals

Call Michele or Dane today!

We have the loan for you!


Electricity Maine

Jeff BrannenHammond Tractor

Jeff AllenSelco Plumbing & Heating

TD Bank

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201318

Confucius say… sumo wrestling is survival of the fattest.

Confucius say… never tell a secret to a pig, it may squeal.

Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.

120 Mill St., Auburn • 784-5779 or 1-800-439-WIPE • GoodmanWiper.com

Towels, Tissues& Dispensers

NEXT DAY DELIVERY

IN L/A!

NO ORDER TOO SMALLAnd no minimum purchases! Call us for a FREE quote!!

Textile & Paper Wipes • Sorbents & Safety Supplies• Janitorial Supplies & Can Liners• Breakroom & Food Service• Chemicals & Cleaners• Packaging• Skin Care• And More!

OILCHANGE Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles

(Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

$24.95

Mike Morin’s Auto Center

Mike Morin

autorepairsauburnmaine.com • Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433

The first day of summer is June 21st. Now is the time to think about

a complete air conditioning performancecheck on your vehicle!

LIKE us onFacebookReceive

$10.00 Discount!

FRONT END ALIGNMENTS $79.95

BedsideManners


Susie's husband hadbeen slipping in andout of a coma for sev-eral months. Thingslooked grim, but shewas by his bedsideevery single day. Oneday as he slipped backinto consciousness, hemotioned for her tocome close to him. Shepulled the chair closeto the bed and leanedher ear close to beable to hear him.

"You know" he whis-pered, his eyes fillingwith tears, "you havebeen with me throughall the bad times.When I got fired, youstuck right beside me.When my businesswent under, there youwere. When we lost thehouse, you were there.When I got shot, youstuck with me. Whenmy health started fail-ing, you were still bymy side. "And youknow what?"

"What, dear?" sheasked gently, smiling toherself.

"I think you're badluck!"

"Did I invite you to mybarbeque?"

"No."

"Then why you all up inmy grill?"


Jimbo & Travis


Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.

Confucius say… man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.


Sun Journal

Judy Hagan-RyanCommunity Credit Union

Christina CarterCommunity Credit Union

Revelation Massage

686 Sabattus St. • 1298 Sabattus St. • 1317 Sabattus St.Lewiston

www.independentauto.me • 786-7744

OVER 70 VEHICLES IN STOCKNew Inventory Arriving Daily

Check out www.IndependentAuto.me

2004 Audi A4, 86k, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9495

2005 Audi A4, 110k, White . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9995

2005 Audi A6, 107k, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12295

2001 Audi A4, 118k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5995

2004 BMW 325i, white . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9395

2002 BMW X5 Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8995

2009 Chevy Cobalt Black 113k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7495

2004 Ford Ranger Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7995

2005 Honda Element, 118k, Orange . . . . . . . . . . . .$9495

2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee 93k Gray . . . . . . . . . . . .$7895

2004 Nissan Altima, 111k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6495

2002 Nissan Maxima, 115k, Green . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6795

2003 Olds Alero, 72k, Red . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5495

2006 Saab 9-5, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6995

2007 Scion xA, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5995

2007 Volvo XC90, 113k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12995

2006 VW Passat 118k, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Call for Price

2006 VW Passat, Mocha, 77k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$10495

2005 VW Jetta, 91k, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7495

2004 VW Passat. Light Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5895

2002 VW Passat, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$6995

2002 VW Golf GTI . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$5995

2000 VW Jetta, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$4795

686 Sabattus St. Inventory

1298 & 1317 Sabattus St. Inventory2004 Audi A6, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6250

2004 Audi A6, Gray 97k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9495

2003 BMW 330xi, AWD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995

2004 Chevy Suburban, Black . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7495

2004 Chevy Tahoe, 104k, Green . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $11500

2005 Ford Escape, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995

2005 Hyundai Elantra . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6250

2000 Jeep Grand Cherokee, Black . . . . . . . . . . Call for Price

2006 Kia Sportage, 116k, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8495

2005 Nissan Altima . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6395

2006 Volvo S60, Green, 123k. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $9495

2005 Volvo V50, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8495

2004 Volvo XC70, 125k, Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995

2003 Volvo S60, Silver . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6495

2006 VW Jetta, Silver, 119k . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7495

2005 VW Passat Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6295

2004 VW Passat, 107k, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7795

2003 VW Passat, 108k, Gray . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $6995

2002 VW Jetta Blue . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $7995

2001 Saab 9-5 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $4250

2004 Saturn Ion, 119k, Silver. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Call for Price

2005 Subaru Forester. 115k, Black. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $8495

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201320

Earthquake: A topographical error.

Hoeing: A manual method of severing roots from stems of newly planted flowers and vegetables.

Stephanie Gelinas was awarded a Paul Harris FellowshipAward (also pictured L to R): Assistant District GovernorMelissa Winchester, Shawn Wright, Rotary Club President,Peter Kowalski, Rotary Foundation Chair.

Out ’n About with the Lewiston-Auburn Rotary Club

Lamey Wellahan Shoes was recognized as the inaugural recipi-ent of the Ethics In Business Award. (Pictured Shawn Wright,Bill Denehy, Anne Ryan (back), Mr. and Mrs. Wellahan (front)

Scholarship Recipients from area schools each received $1,000scholarships (Pictured L to R: Bill Denehy, Kristianna Benoit ofLisbon H.S, Brandon Clark of Leavitt H.S, Brian Daniels of OakHill H.S, Shawn Wright (back), Brendan Landry of Lewiston HS,Erin O’Leary of ELHS, Minarva Craig of St. Dom’s Academyand Emma-Jane Turton of Poland Reg HS. (front).

To view the complete inventory of 50 vehicles visit our website:

www.donovansauto.comStop by, call or click today!

946-7515 • 1-800-811-8856


Jimbo & Travis


I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up. – Uncle Andy

If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn't succeed either.

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn • 333-0364Brad Johnson

Brad’s Precision Auto

ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL... ANY PROBLEM...

• Appointments required, please call first• Fully warranteed & certified• $58/hr labor rate

NO PROBLEM!Call ustoday!

soundeffectsmaine.com216 Center Street, Auburn • 777-3339

JVC. KW, AV, In-Dash, DVD, Radio forthe magnificently low price of...

$329

Next to Republic Jewelry • Parking in back of building

Come meetour newestsalesman, 12 Gauge

SAVE GAS - RIDE A GOLF CART• Campers • Senior Citizens• Campground and RV Owners• Free Delivery - 40 mile radius• Conversion Lift Kits • 4 passenger cars

497 Washington St. Auburn • 783-3232

HUGESALE

Bring your cart over fora FREE* inspection

and service(*excludes cost of filter and oil)

✂

✂ Ends 6.30.13

Out ’n About atthe Not Your

Normal Formala Chamber event

Photos by Michelle Gosselin

I just love a man with a

microphone in hishand.

Ray & LaurieOuellette

Robyn & BrianRobbins

Armand &Nancy Richard

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201322Jimbo to Uncle Andy: I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.

Error, keyboard not present. Press F1 to continue.Out ’n About at the MaineHome Show

A1 Seamless Gutters

Dave RoyA1 Seamless Gutters

Kathy EmmiMaine Septic & Pumping

Andre CarrierCarrier’s Lawn & Landscape

Jeff & Rick Roy

353-2538

28 Soper Road, Durham

All Come With New Inspection, 14-Day Plate and Warranty

‘09 DODGE QUAD CAB

$29,995

If we don’t have it,we can get it!!

‘06 HOLIDAY RAMBLER

HEMI LARAMIE 4X4

ONLY13K

DIESEL PUSHERONLY 18K!!

WAY BELOW BOOK AT

2 SLIDEOUTS

$65,500

MANY, MANYMORE INSTOCK!!

‘07 HARLEY 883L

ONLY

READYTO RIDE!

$4,450

‘01 FORD SPORT TRAC

$7,995

59K

‘04 CHEVY X-CAB 4X4

$11,995LOADED

ONE OWNER

‘95 TRANS AM T-TOP

$5,500LOADED

‘01 TOYOTA RAV4

$7,995LOADED

EXTRACLEAN

‘05 COLORADO CREW Z-71

$11,995

4X4

TruckCaps

NEVER A DOC FEE!!

Establishedin 1984


Jimbo & Travis


Uncle Andy to Jimbo: You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert.

AMESSPORT SHOP, Inc

84 Littlefield Road, Auburn • 782-4917(off Hotel Road & across from Merrow Road)

SHARE OUR PASSION

HIT THE TRAILS THIS SUMMER IN YOURNEW ARCTIC CAT ATV!

Call or stop in today for a FREE quote!9 South Main St, Mechanic Falls

(207) 345-8711

We Insure ALL of Your SUMMER TOYS

CummingsAgency.com

Puppy Training

Submitted by R. Collins

A young boy, about sixor seven years old,came into the librarylast week and askedmy help to find apuppy-training video.We located an appro-priate video for him,and he told us abouthis new beagle puppy.These videos can bechecked out for aweek, so I was sur-prised the next daywhen the boy broughtback the video andchecked out a cartooninstead.

While checking out thenew video for him, Iasked him, "How didthat puppy-trainingvideo work for you?"

"Oh, not very well," hereplied, "I couldn’t gethim to watch it for long.At his age, he’s mostly interested in food, youknow."

Money Lessons

Teacher: If you hadone dollar and askedyour father for onemore dollar, how muchwould you have intotal?

Student: One dollar.

Teacher: You don'tknow your math.

Student: You don'tknow my dad!

183 Lisbon St., Lisbon, ME 04350207-353-9862

www.qualitycareautorepair.com

See us for details!Save up to $50 on Brake Work in June

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201324

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Mother's Dictionary

Bottle Feeding: Anopportunity for Daddyto get up at 2am, too.

Defense: What you'dbetter have around deyard if you're going tolet de children play outside.

Drooling: Howteething babies washtheir chins.

Dumbwaiter: One whoasks if the kids wouldcare to order dessert.

Family Planning: Theart of spacing your chil-dren the proper dis-tance apart to keepyou on the edge of fi-nancial disaster.

Feedback: The in-evitable result whenthe baby doesn't ap-preciate the strainedcarrots.

Full Name: What youcall your child whenyou're mad at him.

Grandparents: Thepeople who think yourchildren are wonderfuleven though they'resure you're not raisingthem right.

Hearsay: What tod-dlers do when anyonemutters a dirty word.

Independent: How wewant our children to beas long as they doeverything we say.


SUMMER SThe Back Forty Used

2011 Chevy Cruze LS

Stock # 2584A, 11K, 1.8L4 Cyl. ABS, Knee Airbags

our price

$14,995

2010 Chrysler Town & Country Touring

Stock # 1938A, 3.8L V6,Auto. 6-speed, 44K

our price

$17,995

2011 Scion TC

Stock #5953P, Gray, 2.5L4 Cly., 51K, 6-Speed

our price

$17,995

2008 Chevy Silverado 1500

Stock #5936P 59K, WorkTruck, RWD, AB, Auto.

our price

$12,9952011 Toyota

Highlander Base

Stock #5955P, White, 3.5LV6, Auto. 5-Speed, 30K

our price

$30,995

2007 ToyotaCamry LE

Stock #2570A, Auto. 5-Speed, 96K, Bluetooth

our price

$10,995

2009 Toyota Matrix S

Stock #2528B, Automatic4-Speed, 69K, AWD

our price

$13,995

2012 HyundaiSonata Hybrid

Stock #2201A, Base, Auto.6-Speed, 39 MPG Hwy

our price

$25,995

Only5K


Jimbo & Travis


People who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it.

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.

Prenatal: When yourlife was still somewhatyour own.

Prepared Childbirth:A contradiction interms.

Puddle: A small bodyof water that drawsother small bodieswearing dry shoes intoit.

Sterilize: What you doto your first baby'spacifier by boiling itand to your last baby'spacifier by blowing onit.

Thunderstorm: Achance to see howmany family memberscan fit into one bed.

Top Bunk: Where youshould never put achild wearing Super-man jammies.

Two-Minute Warning:When the baby's faceturns red and she be-gins to make those fa-miliar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whinein words.

Whodunit: None of thekids that live in yourhouse.

Whoops: An exclama-tion that translatesroughly into "get asponge."


"As I grow older, I payless attention to whatmen say. I just watch

what they do." – Andrew Carnegie

SAVINGS!!d Car & Truck Center

2012 ToyotaVenza LE

Stock #2600A, 2.7L 4 Cyl.12K, Auto. 6-Speed, AWD

our price

$24,995

2009 ToyotaVenza

Stock #5956P, 3.5L V6,Green, Auto. 6-Spd., 49K

our price

$23,995

2007 ToyotaTacoma Reg. Cab

Stock #2645A, Reg. Cab,5-Speed Manual, 85K

our price

$11,995

2010 SubaruForester 2.5X

Stock #1975A, Gray, 27K,AWD, 2.5L 4 Cyl.

our price

$18,9952008 Toyota Sienna XLE

Stock #5888P, 3.5L V6,Auto. 5-Speed, 76K, ABS

our price

$18,995

2010 ToyotaCorolla LE

Stock #6004P, Gray, Auto.,27K, 35 mpg Hwy, ABS

our price

$15,995

2010 ToyotaPrius II

Stock #2236A, Hybrid,CVT Trans., 89K, FWD

our price

$14,995

2009 MazdaMAZDA5 Sport

Stock #2514A, 74K, Auto.4 Cyl., Third Row Seats

our price

$12,995

Only12K

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201326

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

I bought the perfect second car... a tow truck.

The SSAANN IIPLUS is the answer for most toilet and bathroom situations.It can be installed up to 15 feet below the sewer level and/or 150 feet away from asoil stack. The SSAANN IIPLUS is simple to install, pumps away waste water from a

toilet, hand basin, bathtub and shower, and is connectedto a low consumption toilet.

1525 Lisbon Street, Lewiston783-6927 • 1-800-834-5706Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4

MySelco.com

ADD A NEW BATHROOM FOR YOUR CELLARNo Need for Chiseling or Building Up a Floor Base

SSAANNIIPLUS

KEEP COOL! GET YOUR A/C RECHARGED NOW!

STOP RUST$50OFF

Magnesium chloride is a threat to your vehicle. It is more corrosive than salt.

Maine roads are coated with magnesiumchloride. Protect your investment and have

your vehicle rustproofed today. Lifetime warranty. Some restrictions applywith this ad

Expires 6.30.13

1148 Auburn Road • Rt. 4 • Turner • 225-3656

OLD MILL AUTOIN HOUSE FINANCING

www.OldMillAuto.com

Call for details 207.345.377732 Lewiston Street • Mechanic Falls, ME 04256

Check our vehicle inventory online

patriotfireworksmaine.com

The BEST

BANGfor your buck!Route 4 • Livermore

897-4343Route 202 • Monmouth

933-3041

Fresh ProduceBlackie’s Farm

Open Year Round

966 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005

996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 783-7020

Hours: 6am - 8pm

Propane... Exceptional EnergyCall us today to see how propane

can work for you

FIND US ONFACEBOOK

FMI go to www.murrayoil.com

$75on new propane install

or tank set

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Chicken Tender SubFreshly Made to Order

Salads!!

$5.59

$5.5910” Cheese Pizza


Jimbo & Travis


Two red blood cells met and fell in love. But alas, it was in vein.

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Confucius say… he who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.

990 Lisbon StreetLewiston

The Auto Appearance Specialist

Tri County Auto SalesWholesale and Retail Dealer

Oil Change

$19.95Some restrictions apply for trucks, SUVsand vehicles requiring 5 quarts or more

BUY HEREPAY HERE‘05 Ford Excursion Limited

V-10, 4x4all the bells and whistles

$9,999‘06 VW Jetta

4-door sedan, maroon, 2.5, loaded

$6,5001885 Federal Road • Livermore, Maine207-897-3323 • 207-576-4321 TriCounty.HasYourCar.Com

See full list at:

Labor Rates$45/hr

Maine’s Largest Used Truck Cap & Tonneau Cover Dealer

980 Pond Rd. • Walescapplacemore.com933-2493

Out ’n About at Isaacson & Raymond’s

Open House

Erin BryantFirehouse Grille

We were prettyFIRED up to cater the open house for

the law firm.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201328

There's a job opportunity in the paper for a park litter attendant. No experience necessary, just pick it up as you go along.

A thousand words are worth a picture - and they load faster, too.

Jodi Cornelio & Jim Day




Patti & ErnieGagne

Mark & TraceyTurner

Folks, I’d like to introduce the

starting catcher for theBaltimore Orioles...

Pat T. Gagne

All Subarus Come With:• 12-month/12,000 miles

Warranty on all Head Gasket Issues• Vehicles fully serviced and

maintained in-house• In-house direct lending available

104K, Auto., Black, MP3, 6CD, Power Moonroof, Leather

$15,950

www.rjbandson.net

2009 Subaru Forester

Silver, Automatic, Premium Sound, Keyless Entry

$9,450

2007 Subaru LegacyDuro Cross V8, 128K, Silver, Auto., 4.7 8 Cyl., 4WD/AWD

$10,950

2006 Mitsubishi Raider

7-Passenger,107K, Blue, .0 6 Cyl., Auto., Moonroof, Leather

$13,950

2006 Subaru B-9 Tribeca

Red, 6.7L 8 Cyl.,Auto., 6-Disc CD, Premium Bed Liner

$12,950

2009 Subaru Legacy 2.5i Limited

Red, 97K, 3.8L V6, 6-spd. Manual, Sun/Moon Roof

$10,950

2006 Mitsubishi Eclipse GT109K, Blue, Convertible, 5-Speed Automatic, Alloy Wheels

$12,950

2005 BMW Convertible


Jimbo & Travis


Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Sometimes at the gym I'll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I'll get my shorts on.

We buy, sell & trade

86 Court St., Auburn777-3579

Jamie Pelletier, Manager

jtreidsgunshop.com 9-5 Mon-Fri • 9-1 Sat John Reid, Owner

Call for the next N.R.A. Pistol Course

Full Line Gunsmith Service

Cigars are back!Check outour greatselection

J.T. REID’S GUNSJ.T. REID’S GUNS

Confucius say… many men bite, but Fu Man Chu.




BINGO!

Renee Minnis &Shawn Wright

My husband always tells me I’m

Mrs. Wright!

The Central Maine Chapter of the American Culinary Federation's Chefof the Year awards and dinner was held recently at the Ramada inLewiston. With 20 area restaurants cooking, the banquet room wasfilled with many wonderful aromas. From braised short-ribs to porksteamship with roasted mango salsa to succulent sushi followed bychocolate crepes with Bavarian mocha cream. There was 250 guests inattendance with their mouths watering had their appetites completelysatisfied.

To complete the fun evening, local jazz band Three Point Trio playeddinner music which was followed up by comedian George Hamm.

Many awards were given out that evening including: Food Service Di-rector of the Year (Kim Austin), Hospitality Person of the Year (RichardKelly), Pastry Chef of the Year (Dara Reimers), Junior Chef of the Year(Kristianna Benoit) and Chef of the Year.

Ken Blais of Rolly's Diner took top honors of the evening, winningChef of the Year. Blais, a chef for 32 years, 19 of which have been at theAuburn staple, has been a fixture at many charity functions, includingthe March of Dimes Signature Chef's Auction, Chili and Chowder Chal-lenge, Hospitality Golf Tournament, Relay for Life, The Dempsey Chal-lenge, Little League, the Boys and Girls Clubs and more.

"It's an honor," Blais said. "I'm was shocked and humbled to be singledout in a room full of great chefs."

Ken Blaisowner of Rolly’s Diner in New Auburn

Chef of the Year!

Wife: How's the baby?

Me: He keeps trying toshove socks thru themail slot.

Wife: Aw. His socks, oryours?

Me: Socks is theneighbor's cat…

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201330The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. – Ben Hogan

Local Restaurants & Entertainment

In 1783, the Pennsyl-vania Evening Postwas published by Benjamin Towner ofPhiladelphia, PA. Itwas the first dailynewspaper publishedin America.

Editors Note: UncleAndy’s Digest followedthat up 213 years later.And Uncle Andy saidhe was the trendsetter!

MathematicianMind


A team of engineerscouldn’t be found af-fordably, so this grouphired Jimbo, UncleAndy & Travis whowere required to meas-ure the height of a flagpole. They only had ameasuring tape, andwere getting quite frus-trated trying to keepthe tape along thepole. It kept fallingdown, etc.

A mathematiciancomes along, finds outtheir problem, and pro-ceeds to remove thepole from the groundwhere he can measureit easily.

When he leaves, UncleAndy says to the othertwo: "Just like a mathe-matician! We neededto know the height, andhe gave us the length!"

"Nothing is impossible,the word itself says

'I'm possible'!" – Audrey Hepburn

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 • Open Tuesday - Sunday villageinnmaine.com

50th Anniversary

Celebrationand

2 Sessions: Noon – 3:30pm & 5pm – close

Call ahead for tickets

782-7796

Includes lobster, corn on the cob, baked potato, clams, & blueberry cake

Live EntertainmentAll Day & Night

Beer & Beverage TentPrizes & Giveaways

Enter to win a trip to theDominican Republic!

$25 pp

Saturday, June 22, 2013


Jimbo & Travis


I checked my phone while I was mowing the lawn and now we don't have a garden.

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Croutons and cherry tomatoes are the natural enemies of the plastic fork.

120 CENTER STREET PLAZA • AUBURN • 786-0715 • www.gippers.com

HOURS: Sun–Thurs 11:00am – 11:00pmFri & Sat 11:00am – Midnight

Take Dad to L/A’s #1 Casual Restaurant,#1 Waitstaff

and Home of L/A’s Best Burgers on

Father’s Day

Home of the Gippers 89 Draft Beer

Full Menu &Father’s Day

SpecialsAvailable

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

87 Mill St.New Auburn753-0171

(for take-out)

• Unusual Omelettes• Crepes• Breakfast All Day• Extensive Menu

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Rolly’s Diner

Marcel & Irene Mathieu

We just got back last night from wintering in Arizona and we had to hit

Rolly’s for breakfast right away. Best crepes in town!

Michelle & JeffGosselin




Mike Sellinger& Jennifer Pare

Chip Morrison (middle)with the Cote Crane

family

A devastating yellowfever epidemic in 1822left New York City with16,000 corpses and noreadily available spacefor burial.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201332

I don't know what the big deal is. Putting my toddler to bed is easy... In fact, just tonight, I did it 25 times.

Local Restaurants & EntertainmentOut ’n About at the MaineHome Show

Dustin CarrierCarrier’s Lawn & Landscape

Randy WheelerCarrier’s Lawn & Landscape

Grady @ Dixfield Foam

Aerus Water Purification

Georgio’s740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-2981

Open daily 5am-9pm • www.mygeorgios.comLocally owned

& operated

Every Saturday & SundayItalians Only $3

Here comes summer...

Let’s ROCK!

We have iced coffee!

Get your single serving potato salads, pasta salads,

& finger rolls

A Great Place to Dine with Dad

HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pmSun 10am-8pm

600 Turner Street, Auburn • 784-3434www.heidisauburn.com

Locally Owned & Operated

OPEN on Father’s Day Sunday, June 16th - 10am to 8pm

Heidi’s gift cards make agreat Father’s Day present!

Gift Card

743 Main St., Lewiston • 376-3088 (across from Marden’s)Hours: Tues.- Thurs. 3pm-close • Fri. Noon-close • Sat. 4pm-close

EVERY WEEK AT THE TWINSTUESDAYS

Open Mic w/Chad PorterBike Night

NO COVER EVER!

WEDNESDAYSKaraoke

THURSDAY-SATURDAYLive Entertainment

Irish Twins PubIrish Twins PubPRELUDE TO SUMMER PARTY!Saturday, June 15thParty Starts @ 8pm

Outdoor TentsLive Music by Forefront & Deb Morin

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201334I mixed coffee with Red Bull, now I can see the invisible things my kitten pounces on.


How do you milk an almond?

ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.

www.springmeadowsgolf.com

Monday Night Scrambles5:00PM Shotgun Start - Every Monday

Singles or full teams are accepted

Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586

GOLF CLUB ATCOLE FARMS

2 for 1Must present this coupon to receive

ONE FREE GREEN FEEfor each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatoryfor each player. May not be combined withother offers. Good for 18 holes, Monday thruThursday all day, Friday thru Sunday after 1p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play.

✃Expires 6.30.13

Tuesday Morning Senior League8:00am tee time • 50+ • Call FMI

Mens & Womens LeaguesWednesdays & Thursdays • Call FMI

MembershipsMany levels of sponsorships available

5 Pigeon Hill Road (Route 26 and 11), Mechanic Falls • 998-5577

Finish a full-size omelette and have your picture put on our wall of fame!

Mike Mowryof Greene

Wall of Fame Inductee!Family-style restaurant serving

breakfast & lunch every day!

WE’RE BETTINGWe’re right on the way to the casino, stop in for a bite.

�Home of the Double Yolker�

Egg-ceptional Restaurant

You’ll LOVE our food!

The food at Egg-ceptional

is a sure bet every time!

Dick Albert &Diane Champoux




Jen & Jeff Carlton

Rick & Phyllis Vail

Tips with EnglishGrammar:

Join clauses good, likea conjunction should.


Jimbo & Travis


Confucius say… if you look in fortune cookie, you are a pathetic fool who seeks advice from bakery products.

I'm into golf now. I'm getting pretty good. I can almost hit the ball as far as I can throw the clubs.

128 Lewiston Street, Mechanic Falls

345-7040

• Pool Tables

• Dart Boards

• Video Games

• Pub-style food

• Full bar available

Chad & Roxanne Pearl, owners

June 7th . . . . . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg

June 8th . . . . . . . .Ruckus

June 14th . . . . . .Northern Groove

June 15th . . . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg

June 21st . . . . . . .Pop Rocks

June 22nd . . . . . .DJ Will

June 28th . . . . . .Dogpile

June 29th . . . . . .DJ Scotty Dawg

Entertainment Lineup

June 28th

June 8th

June 14th

June 21stDid You Know?

In 1893, Chicago hiredits first police woman.Her name was MarieOwens. While the citywas progressive in itshiring practices,Chicago's female po-lice officers were notallowed to wear uni-forms until 1956.

Long SpeechSubmitted by Thomas Hill

The CEO was sched-uled to speak at an im-portant convention sohe asked one of hisemployees, Jenkins, towrite him a punch, 20-minute speech.

When the CEO re-turned from the bigevent, he was furious."What's the idea ofwriting me an hour-long speech?", he de-manded. "Half theaudience walked outbefore I finished."

Jenkins was baffled."I wrote you a 20-minute speech," hereplied. "I also gaveyou the two extracopies you asked for."

A very angry golfer wason his way to carding around of 150. Heturned to his caddy andsaid, “You must be theworst caddy in theworld.”

“That would be toomuch of a coincidence,sir,” answered thecaddy in a quiet voice.

Twice: Once too often.

Ventriloquist: A man with a dummy who always talks to himself.


SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET2 Main Street, Sabattus, ME 04280 • 207-375-8502

Open 7 Daysa Week

6am-8pm

BUY 1 LARGE PIZZA

*equal or lesser value

UADExpires 6/30/13

✂

✂

GET 1 FREE*Try our fresh hot pizza today!

Limit 1 per customer

of LewistonChick-A-DeeYou’re gonna love it!

1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston • 376-3870

What’s up in June at the Chick!

Our new website is up and running... ChickadeeLewiston.com

Want us to cater your next event? Food & Beverage – WE DO IT.

Buffet style or plated dinners or lunches – WE GOT IT.

Platters for 15 or 30 people – WE DO IT.Call us and we will fax you our options.

Full Menu AvailableTake-out Available

Join usFather’s Day

June 16th Reservations takenfor 5 or more

Why are the firsttwo weeks of July

our busiest?Because we havewhat you want!

• Boiled Lobsters• Fresh Steamer Clams • Lobster Subs• Hand-cut Onion Rings• Lobster Rolls• Fried, Broiled, BakedSeafood

• Prime Rib• Hand-cut Steaks

Friend us on Facebook for our daily specials & upcoming events!

Dan & Holly Stevenspurchased The Cap Place whichwas previously located on Route4 in Turner in May, 2012. Theymoved the business to their cur-rent location at 980 Pond Rd.,Wales. There they have a beauti-ful showroom and a full servicegarage where they even offerstate inspections.

"Dan and I run the businesstogether. I handle the sales andbooks and Dan does the installsand repairs," says Holly. The CapPlace offers just about every ac-cessory that is out there for ve-hicles these days. They are alsothe largest used truck cap andtonneau cover dealer in Maine, specializing in Leer caps.

"We pride ourselves in beinga small home based business.We'll do whatever we can tokeep your money in Maine,"Holly adds. When you visit TheCap Place & More you will getpersonalized customer serviceand satisfaction in a family ori-ented and friendly atmosphere.

They also offer parts and re-pair on just about any cap andhave a huge selection of caps on display to help you findthe best fit for your truck. Theycan match most online pricesand even offer free shipping ona lot of items.

Hanging in the store is agreat quote that really reflectsHolly and Dan's character:"When you buy from a mom

and pop business, you are nothelping a CEO buy a third vaca-tion home. You are helping a lit-tle girl get dance lessons, a littleboy get his team jersey, a momor dad put food on the table, afamily pay a mortgage, or a stu-dent pay for college."Dan and Holly believe that theircustomers are their sharehold-ers and they are the ones theystrive to make happy. Give thema call at 933-2493. Visit theirwebsite capplacemore.com. See their ad on page 27.

Put a CAP on it!


Jimbo & Travis


My wife's returning today after an 8-day trip, so I should probably dampen the kitchen sponge and re-position it.

Confucius say… wise man makes sure that his wife's birthday cake is short one candle.

YummoCarts.com

Cotton Candy & Popcorn FundraisingEarn up to 40% of the proceeds!

Yummo Carts241-3169

MONDAY: Two eggs, Sausage, Homefries, Toast ....$4.25

TUESDAY: Two eggs, Cornbeef Hash, Toast ...........$4.25

WEDNESDAY: Three Blueberry Pancakes..............$4.25

THURSDAY: French Toast .......................................$4.25

FRIDAY: Two Item Omelette....................................$4.25

SATURDAY: Two Golden pancakes w/Sausage.......$4.25

SUNDAY: French Crepes .........................................$4.25

Prices do not include tax.Mon-Fri 5 am to 8 pm • Sat & Sun 6 am to 8 pm

Phone Orders Are Welcome

UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST SPECIALSAll breakfast specials include coffee

Daily Breakfast Specials served until 11am

5 Washington Street, Auburn

783-4304

Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily!

Area chefs pose for a group picture

Out ’n About at the Chili & Chowder Cookoff

Lunch withthe Boss

Submitted by Jimbo

A sales rep, an admin-istration clerk, and themanager are walking tolunch when they findan antique oil lamp.They rub it and aGenie comes out. TheGenie says, “I’ll giveeach of you just onewish”

“Me first! Me first!” saysthe administrationclerk. “I want to be inthe Bahamas, driving aspeedboat, without acare in the world.”

Poof! She’s gone.

“Me next! Me next!”says the sales rep. “Iwant to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beachwith my personalmasseuse, an endlesssupply of Pina Coladasand the love of my life.”

Poof! He’s gone.

“OK, you’re up,” theGenie says to the man-ager.

The manager says, “Iwant those two back inthe office after lunch.”

Did You Know?

Every bird must eat at least half its ownweight in food eachday to survive. Youngbirds need even more.A young robin, for ex-ample, eats as muchas 14 feet of earth-worms a day.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201338


"It's so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to." – Sondra Anice Barnes

150 Center St. Auburn • 784-7785 • ClubTexas.info

Introducing

FRIDAYSALL SUMMERStarting JUNE 14th

CHEM-FREE Clubsideonly✭ ✭

8pm-12midnight• Ages 15-20 • $10

21+ DJ & dancing in the Pub Every Friday!

21+ ACTION PACKED THURSDAYBeer Pong • Karaoke • Line Dancing

Like us on Facebook to get updates on what’s happenin’ SAVE THE DATE: JULY 20th

Pink Angel’s Dempsey Challenge

Fundraiser

Out ’n About atLake City Exports

Annette Gagnonwith her gift card to

Applebee's.

Lake City posts trivia questionson their Facebook page whererespondents can answer thatquestion and win a prize. Hereare a few of the winners.

Chad Brousseaushowing off his Cabela's

Gift Card.

Chelsey Bolducshows off her Best Buy

Gift Card


Jimbo & Travis


Confucius say… Humpty Dumpty had a great fall… after a mediocre summer.

Confucius say… only thing shorter than a weekend is a vacation.

Confucius say… mummies who take vacation, will relax and unwind.

www.LuiggisPizzeria.comSince 1953

MONDAYThe Fergy

TUESDAYMeatball Subs

WEDNESDAYSpaghetti Dinners

1 meatball, salad,

garlic bread, drink

THURSDAYMini Pizza

FRIDAY$1.00 OFF

Any Large Pizza

SATURDAY2 Ham or Salami

Italianswith 1.5 Liter Drink

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $4.99


Kim VeilleuxAndroscoggin Habitat for Humanity

Look for info right here in the

Digest about our upcoming

fundraiser golftournament that

happens in September.

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn783-6885

L/A’s Best SteaksExcellent new menu items including

chicken, fish, & pasta entreés

Earlybird Special

$5 OFF✁Expires 6.30.13 UAD

macsgrill.com

any two entreesMonday-Friday • 2-4pm

Make yourreservations forFather’s Day

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201340


They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. – Gardner Dickinson

BUBBLETEA

Japanese • Korean • Thai • Sushi730 Center Street, Auburn • Auburn Plaza

NEXT TO FLAGSHIP CINEMA

376-4855jasminecafemaine.com

*Free sample of Bubble Tea, certain restrictions may apply, no purchase necessary, while supplies last.

A S I A N F U S I O N & L O U N G E

TRY ITFREE!*

Monday,June 17th

(all day long)


Time Warner Cable

CN Brown Electricity

Bath Fitter

Fred HorsfallGagne & Son


Jimbo & Travis


Newlywed: A man who puts up the storm windows the first time his wife suggests it.

Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.

Out ’n About at the National Technical Honor Society Induction Ceremony

Doris Martineaupresents to the winner of the Lois Barr Award

Lex Lizette & Rob CallahanLex, winner of the Ken Jordan Award

Margaret HarveyGuest speaker & State Director of Career

& Technical Education

BOATS!!!Full Service & Repairs• Full Service & Repairs• Parts, Oils, Props & More• Safety Gear• Watersport Toys• Marine Radios & Electronics

65 North River Rd., AuburnOpen 7 days a week: M-S 8-7; S 9-4 AuburnMarineandSmallEngine.com

784-3888

Weedwackers • Leaf blowers • Chainsaws & more

SERVICING ALLMAKES & MODELS

FULLY STOCKEDSHOWROOM

SMALL ENGINE7 YEAR WARRANTY

• We Service All Major Brands• IN STOCK!! Tanaka

Outdoor Power Equipment by MTD

JOHN DEERE MASTER TECHNICIAN

Out ’n About at the Poland High School Prom

World Records

The world's tallestmountains, the Hi-malayas, are also thefastest growing. Theirgrowth - about half aninch a year — is causedby the pressure exertedby two of the earth'scontinental plates (theEurasian plate and theIndo-Australian plate)pushing against one an-other.

Past experience shouldbe a guide post, not ahitching post.

– D. W. Williams

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201342Yardstick: One foot on each side and one in the middle.

"Nobody ever went broke saving money." – Mark TwainOut ’n About at the MaineHome Show

Todd LebelSherm Arnold’s

Tammy Lebel (left)Sherm Arnold’s

Denis LebelSherm Arnold’s

John @ Cutco Cutlery

Rt. 4 in Turner • Just past Twitchell’s Airport • 225-3432 • www.G3Firearms.com

YOUR TACTICAL WEAPON HEADQUARTERSSIGHTS, SCOPES & LASERS, GRIPS & MORE

AK’s & AR15 RIFLES PISTOLS & SHOTGUNS

AMMO OF ALL TYPES, CALIBERS & QUANTITIES

PROTECTING YOU:Is What We Do.

commercial home auto recreational umbrella life health

232 Center St., Auburn

786-0417Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm VarneyAgency.com

Famous Last Words: This is easy.


Jimbo & Travis


Confucius say… if you want your dreams to come true, don't oversleep.

Confucius say… man’s most important senses… horse and common.

New Homes • Renovations Complete Kitchen & Bath RemodelsDecks • Sun Porches

Siding • Windows • RoofingElectrical • Plumbing

Foundations

740-7087 or 513-6396

Does your home need a makeover?

Kitchen cramping your style?

Let us brighten up your home!

BEFORE AFTER

BEFORE AFTER

FULLY INSURED • FREE ESTIMATES

CASTONGUAY& SON

GENERAL CONTRACTOR

LEAD CERTIFIED

55 Combined Years of

Experience

Wife: I'm makingbreakfast for dinnertonight. What do youwant?

Me: Bacon.

Wife: And?

Me: *blank stare*

Wife: AND?

Me: A napkin?

View at theTop

Submitted by Jimbo

A turkey was chattingwith a bull “I would loveto be able to get to thetop of that tree,” sighedthe turkey, but I haven’tgot the energy.”

“Well, why don’t younibble on my drop-pings?” replied the bull.“They’re packed withnutrients.”

The turkey pecked at alump of dung andfound that it gave himenough strength toreach the lowestbranch of the tree. Thenext day, after eatingsome more dung, hereached the secondbranch. Finally after afourth night, there hewas proudly perched atthe top of the tree.

Soon he was spottedby a farmer, who shotthe turkey out of thetree.

Moral of the story:Bullcrap might get youto the top, but it wontkeep you there.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201344

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. – Jim Bishop

Wedding Ring: A one-man band.


Nick BenoitBenoit’s Bakery & Wine Cellar

Hank BernierBenoit’s Bakery & Wine Cellar

Lakonia Greek Products

Did You Know?

In 2000, the townspeo-ple of Halfway, Oregon(all 345 of them) votedto change the town'sname officially toHalf.com, thus becom-ing the first dot-comcity in the world.


Jimbo & Travis


Irony is when you buy a suit with two pairs of pants, and then burn a hole in the coat.

Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist’s bills.


Joe Morin & Brian Buteau

NuImage Awning

Bruce BickfordKeller William Realty

U.S. Cellular

Cunningham Security

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201346

Parents: People who bear infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.

Confucius say… best way to save face, is to keep the lower part of it shut.

www.auburnpreschool.com

Register NOW

for Fall 2013Ages 2-4Call FMI

439 Park Avenue, Auburn

782.4329

NEWCERAMIC PRO100% ACRYLIC

HOUSEPAINT

Superior Value!Competitive Price!

Formulated with an advanced acrylic

resin emulsion, Ceramic Pro provides

the painted surface with long-lasting

protection. Available in Lo-Sheen and

Soft Gloss finishes.

ON SALENOW!

516 Sabattus St., Lewiston

784-1993www.lewistonpaint.com

M-F 7am-5pm • Sat 7:30am - 1pm

Licensed Massage Therapist$40/hr

299-0534 81 Main St., Suite 104Auburn, Maine

Don’t forget Father’s Day!

Gift certificates available

Animal SoundsSubmitted by R. Collins

A group of kindergartenchildren were sitting ina circle with theirteacher. She was goingaround in turn askingthem questions.

"Davy, what noise doesa cow make?"

"It goes moo, miss."

"Alice, what noise doesa cat make?"

"It goes meow, miss."

"Jamie, what noisedoes a lamb make?"

"It goes baa, miss."

"Jenny, what noisedoes a mouse make?"

"Er...it goes...click."

Little KnownFact

Did you ever wonderwhat the "WD" in WD-40® stands for? Per the company, theproduct's full name isWD-40® Water Dis-placer, which was per-fected on the fortiethattempt.

Two objects havestruck the earth withenough force to de-stroy a whole city.Each object, one in1908 and again in1947, struck regions ofSiberia. Not onehuman being was hurteither time.


Jimbo & Travis


A mated pair of rats can produce up to 15,000 babies in one year.

Kleptomaniac: A person who helps himself because he can't help himself.

Superior RoofingROOFING • ROOFING INSTALLATIONS AND REPAIRS

207-702-ROOFFull Roof Installations

VOTED BEST ROOFING CONTRACTOR 2012Owner/Installer Ben Roper

SuperiorRoofingOfMaine.com

Out ’n About at the Poland High School Prom

Hey! Look over

here!!

Ted Small

Shane Wright

Out ’n About at Isaacson & Ray-

mond’s Open House

Worst Country-WesternSongs:

Saddle Up the Stove, Ma,I'm Riding the Range

Tonight

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201348

Confucius say… best time to buy new mattress, at first sign of spring.

Liberal: A man who feels it’s his responsibility to spend a Conservative’s money.


THE COURT: Is thereany reason you couldnot serve as a juror inthis case?

JUROR: I don’t want tobe away from my jobthat long.

THE COURT: Can’tthey do without you atwork?

JUROR: Yes, but Idon’t want them toknow it.

Tiger SnackSubmitted by Thomas Hill

A tiger was walkingthrough the jungle oneday, when he cameupon Uncle Andy andJimbo relaxing under atree. Uncle Andy wasreading the Digest, andJimbo was workingfeverishly on a manualtypewriter.

The tiger leapt onUncle Andy and atehim up. The tiger didnot bother Jimbo at all.Any predator knowsthat Uncle Andy’s Di-gest… but writerscramp.

Did You Know?

The age recorded on a

whiskey bottle refers to

the number of years it

is aged prior to being

bottled. Once in the

bottle, whiskey does

not improve.

The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can only be propagated by man.

Out ’n About at the Poland High

School Prom

The Brousseau’s: Cindy, Jim, Mason, Paige & Morgan

This page in the Brousseau’s family album belongs to our Paige.


Jimbo & Travis


Bargain: A transaction in which each party thinks he has cheated the other.

Legal: Used to mean lawful; now it means some kind of loophole.

Looking Good!

TUXEDO & SUIT RENTALS & SALESat prices You can afford!

S&J Tuxedos& Limo Service76 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

333-3737Affiliated with Sarah Jeanne’s Family Hair Care, Tanning & Day Spa

795-6778 • sarahjeannes.com

Wedding Day SpecialRent 6 Tuxes for your wedding party and get:

Groom’s Tux FREE • Groom hair cut FREE60 minute Tanning Package FREE • Ring Bearer Tux 50% OFF

Updos • Hair Services • Manicures • Pedicures • Hot TubSauna • Massage • Tanning • Body Waxing • Body WrapsFacials • Eyelashes • Limos • Tuxedos • And More!

One-stop shop to get ready for

your perfect wedding day!

Fresh Air Council of Maine


Verizon Wireless

Verizon Wireless

Mechanics Savings

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201350

Teenagers: Those old enough to know everything.

In one year, hens in America lay enough eggs to encircle the globe a hundred times.

"The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our disposition and not our circumstances." – Martha Washington


Rudy LangelierR.L. Builders

Paul BarilInternational Door Corp.

S&C Satellite Entertainment

Rose’s Cleaning

Jayna Migliaccia, Devon Adair & Ryan Gervais@ Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli in Auburn

Come see us at Heidi’s this summerfor your sandwiches, salads and smoothies! Our bread is baked

fresh every day.


Jimbo & Travis


It was illegal for women to wear buttons in fifteenth-century Florence.

Main St. Music Lessons& Instrument Repair

Also offering lessons in:

INSTRUMENT REPAIR, SERVICE & SALES

134 Main Street, Auburn

Authorized

Service Center

www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com • 376-3376

• Guitar• Voice• Violin• Cello

• Piano• Banjo• Ukulele• Music theory

• Bass• Mandolin• Brass & Woodwinds

Of all the world's peoples, the only ones known not to use fire are the Andaman Islanders and the Pygmies.

Integrity.You should expect nothing less than impeccable integrity. As a full-timeRealtor®, I am held to the highest standard of conduct under the NationalAssociation of Realtor®’s Code of Ethics.

With that in mind, I pledge

Contact Bruce Bickford [email protected] • Auburnmehome.com

Bruce Bickford

• That I have an active real estate license in good standing• To put your interests above anyone else’s• To keep your information confidential• To obey your lawful instructions• To report to you anything that would be useful• To account to you for any money involved Each office is independently

owned & operated

195 Center StreetAuburn

Tattoo Regret?Let us erase it with the Revlite SI Laser

PLEASE CALL FOR YOUR FREE CONSULT!

Your Best SkinPat Donahue, FNP

34 Center Street, Auburn333-3069yourbestskinofmaine.com

[email protected]

Did You Know?

In 1896, Thomas Edi-son's first film premieretook place in New YorkCity, where he showedmovies of balletdancers, boxers, andocean waves. HisVitascope system wasdemonstrated at theKoster and Bial'sMusic Hall whereMacy's now stands.

LAW AND DISORDER

Submitted by R. Collins

Other than traffic courtconvictions, have youever pleaded guilty orbeen convicted of afelony or misde-meanor?

Mr. Who?

Misdemeanor.

Who is Mr. Demeanor?

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201352Confucius say… tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can hold it.

Confucius say… he who crosses ocean twice without washing is dirty double crosser.

A two-hour motion picture uses 10,800 feet of film — not including the previews and commercials.

Don’t forget Father’s Day!Gift cards available for Dad!

14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite AHighland Spring Road, Lewiston 786-4311Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm

Fri. 6am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

We are a full service salon

Angella Brissette Camille Cloutier

$5 OFFAll Father’s Haircutsthru June with coupon • expires 6.30/13

Nancy Whittierwith her grand-

daughter, Aubreeat Eggceptional Restaurant

in Mechanic Falls.Aubree is the daughter of

Brian and Melinda Whittier.

Hey, are you gonna

eat that?

Mariah Carrier & Andrew Butlerat the Lewiston HS prom


Jimbo & Travis


Dolly Parton's first two hits were "Dumb Blonde" and "Something Fishy."

Oar: Clumsy wooden implement used to moisten boat occupants.

Home Show attendees


Goofy

A man and his wifewere telling each otherjokes the man said,Will you remember mein a year?”

“Yes,” she responds.

“Will you remember mein a second?”

“Yes.”

“Knock knock?”

“Who's there?”

“I thought you said thatyou would rememberme?”

Mayan Guy (we’ll callhim Thomas): Hey,wanna grab a beer?

Other Mayan Guy(we’ll call him Jimbo):I'm working on this calendar, but I guess ifI don't finish it won't bethe end of the world.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201354

Abbreviation: An inordinately long word in light of its meaning.

Confucius say… to make egg roll, push it.

• Wheel alignment & balancing

• Complete brake work• Engine tune-up• Lube-oil-filter• State Inspections

FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983

60 Minot Ave • Auburn782-6666 or 783-2026

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE, INC.

A PROUD MEMBER OF THENAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

OUR TIRES

Rod Cameron & Ben Britton

Confucius say… hearty laughter is a good way to jog internally without having to go outdoors.

Fournierhonored for sales

achievement

Jean C. Fournier,Lewiston, Maine, a repre-sentative of ModernWoodmen of America,has been named to Mod-ern Woodmen’s Presi-dent’s Cabinet.

This distinction recog-nizes Fournier’s highachievement in life insur-ance sales and rankingamong the organization’stop representatives na-tionwide.

The local ModernWoodmen office is lo-cated at 184 WebsterStreet, Suite 102, inLewiston. ContactFournier at 207-784-5453for more information.

Founded in 1883, Mod-ern Woodmen of Americatouches lives and se-cures futures. The frater-nal financial servicesorganization offers finan-cial products and frater-nal member benefits toindividuals and familiesthroughout the UnitedStates.

Q: What's the differ-ence between SantaClaus and a warmdog?

A: Santa Claus wearsa red suit. The dog justpants. Hours: Monday, Wednesday, Friday 7:00 am - 6:00 pm • Tuesday & Thursday 7:00 am - 5:00 pm • Saturday 8:00 am - 1:00 pm

REGGIE’S SALES & SERVICEYour Local Four Season Power Equipment Dealer

Where the Pros shop!

1334 Minot Ave, Auburn • 783-0558

Michael Sylvester Stallone dropped his birth-given first name before becoming a famous film star.


Jimbo & Travis


Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.

Located on Rt. 115 in North Windham • 892-8220

Marriage: The difference between painting the town and painting the back porch.

Shannon Bissonnette interviewing

the Dubes

Out ’n About at the Not Your Normal Formala Chamber event. Photos by Michelle Gosselin

Is thisthing on?

Shannon Bissonnette interviews Adam Dunbar & Jennifer Willey

Did You Know?

Kemal Amin "Casey"Kasem is an Americanradio personality andvoice actor who is bestknown for being the hostof the nationallysyndicated show Ameri-can Top 40, and forvoicing Shaggy in thepopular Saturday morn-ing cartoon franchiseScooby-Doo.

Parting WordsSubmitted by Jimbo

A college president dis-covers on his appoint-ment calendar agraduate back to cam-pus for his twenty-fifthreunion.

“I just wanted to take asecond,” said the grad-uate, “to thank you forthe inspirational adviceyou gave me at Com-mencement 25 yearsago!”

“Why, thank you,”replied the collegepresident, who, ofcourse, could neitherremember the gradu-ate nor what he hadsaid.

“But perhaps you couldrefresh my memory.What did I say that in

spired you so much?”At that, the graduateleaned forward in hischair, looked earnestlyat the President, andsaid, “I’ve tried to livemy life by these words:You shook my handand said, ‘Keep mov-ing. Keep moving!’ ”

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201358

Saint: A dead sinner, revised and edited.

Egotist: A person of low taste more interested in himself than in me.

ServiceRentalSales

111 Woodman Hill Road, Minotwww.gadowning.com

PLANNING A BACKYARD WEDDING?Ask about our

signature models!

CALL FOR PRICING

G.A. DOWNINGG.A. DOWNING782.4508

or800.924.4500

Farmer: A man who is outstanding in his field.

My wafting idea works every time! Yourmouth is watering right

now, I know.

Chef Dan Dufour

I recommendthese guys to

everyone!

Claude & Pauline Ovinette, Denis Lebel

Scott Butters, Maria Tucci, Nina & Dennis Sweatt

We came all the way from

Buxton for this!

Out ’n About at Sherm ArnoldsGrand Opening

If you need

someone to play

Bob Barker I’m your

man!

Todd Lebel & Bruce Gerry

Jackie, Glen & Tammy

Come check out our new location at 675 Main Street in

Lewiston. It’s better in every way!


Jimbo & Travis


The first outdoor miniature golf courses in the United States were built on rooftops in New York City in 1926.

Confucius say… wok is what you throw at a wabbit.

COME CHECK OUT OUR NEW STORE!

Unbelievable,Unbeatable

Savings

Sherm Arnold’s

675 Main St., Lewiston 782-0831

Thank you for makingour Grand Opening

a huge success!We look forward to

serving you for manyyears to come!


Aerus Water Purification

Parker AdamsPine State Pest Solutions

Alex JacobsohnPine State Pest Solutions

Stephen’s Garage Door

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201360

Jumping At Conclusions: Not half as much exercise as digging for facts.

Wile E. Coyote has only caught the Road Runner once (May 21, 1980).

Electric hearing aids were invented in 1901 by Miller R. Hutchinson.

BIG OR SMALL...WE PAINTTHEM ALL

COMPLETERESTORATIONSOF ANY KIND

OUR BODY SHOP

See us for your accident, rust or refinishing repairs

OUR SERVICE DEPARTMENTComplete Auto & Light Truck Repairs • State InspectionsShocks • Suspensions • Brakes • Tune-ups • Engine Problems

COMPARE! Cost to restore vs.cost of replacing your auto

FREEESTIMATES

845 Washington St. North, Auburn782-5500

Get Your Ride Ready For Summer

Limb LossSubmitted by R. Collins

I recently received aletter from an organiza-tion I belong to. Theletter informed me thatif my dues were not re-ceived by a certaindate, I would be dis-membered.

Since that would hurt,and since I’m really at-tached to my arms andlegs, I sent them acheck that afternoon.


Q. Can you write?

A. A little.

Q. Have you ever beenin prison?

A. Yes, sir.

Q. For what?

A. Forgery.

GraduationDay

Submitted by Jimbo

It was graduation dayand Mom was trying totake a picture of theirson in a cap and gown,posed with his father."Let's try to make thislook natural "she said."Junior, put your armaround your dad'sshoulder."

The father answered,"If you want it to looknatural, why not havehim put his hand in mypocket?"


School Prom

Cindy, Emily & Bill Cormier

American International College

here I come!

Call 207-376-3239 for a free, confidential 90-minute coaching session on any two business issues you are facing.Come experience business coaching at NO RISK.

NEXT Level Business Coaching

We Will Make Your Business Better in 90 Days – Guaranteed!

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201362

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

When he was just 10 years old, future comedian and film star Jim Carrey sent his resumé to Carol Burnett.


mond’s Open House

Norm Rousseau

Joline Dumond

Jason & DianaDionne

I won’t admit this to to many people,

but I do occasionally associ-ate myself with

Uncle Andy...


Jimbo & Travis


The largest web-footed bird is the albatross.

On July 31, 1994, Simon Sang Sung of Singapore turned a single piece of dough into 8,192 noodles in 59.29 seconds!

Amanda, Kathy & Daryl Gibson


School Prom

Paxton & Kylie Arsenault

S&J Tuxedos keeps me stylin’.

Chance

Moving is a lot ofwork. Come see our

new shop!

A-Plus Auto Repair747 Minot Ave.Auburn

786-0522

• Brake Pads & Rotors• Exhausts• Tires• Radiator Flushes• Shocks & Struts

• Computer Diagnostics• Wiper Replacement• Maine State

Inspection Station

747 Minot Ave. • Auburn(Behind Fastenal Services)

WE’VE MOVEDA-PLUS AUTO REPAIR

Sue, Courtney & JimMarston

[email protected]• www.facebook.com/thedoggzinn

Boutique includes full line of dog supplies & products

• Planet Dog • Blue Buffalo • Lupine • Red Dingo • Mason Antlers

Est. 2008

Dog GroomingDaycare & Boutique

We have 6,000 sq. ft. of indoor heated comfortable play area. We are theonly facility in the state that offers everything for your pup, from daycare to

grooming, transportation, dog food and supplies all under one roof!

Louis

Since May92013

No payment contracts! If your dog doesn'tcome to play, you don't pay!!

Frost

FUN, SAFE & SUPERVISED PLAY ENVIRONMENT

Since Jan. 272013

Since Dec. 302012

http://thedoggzinn.googlepages.com

Since April 302012

Murphy

65 Washington St., Auburn, ME 04210 (207) 333-3640

Barker

Abby

Since

Feb. 25

2013

Lauren

FULL DAYS OF PLAY AS

LOW AS $16 PER

DAY!

(with Celeste Truman)


Jimbo & Travis


Confucius say… best way to cure water on the brain is with a tap on the head.

Confucius say… man who put head in fruit drink, get punch in nose.

OVER 20 YEARS OF BUILDING EXPERIENCECall 753-9887 or 576-8528 Fully Insured • Many References Available

Best prices with the highest quality workmanship.“The Difference is in the Details”

New Homes

Call us for your FREE quote!Call us for your FREE quote!

Sun RoomsGarages

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!

64 Lewiston Road, Gray • 657-4714 • www.ColeFarms.comJUST ONE MILE NORTH OFF EXIT 63 OF MAINE TURNPIKE

Monday2 Crabmeat Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99w/salad & chips

TuesdayChicken Parmesan . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$8.99w/salad or cole slaw

Tues. Wed. & Thurs. Fried Clams . .sm. $11.99 . . . . .lg. $15.79w/potato & choice of salad or cole slaw

Wednesday - Chicken Pot Pie . . . . . . . . . .$6.99w/potato & rolls

Thursday2 Lobster Rolls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99w/salad & chips

DAILY SPECIALS

Hours: Sunday-Thursday 6am – 9pm;

Friday & Saturday 6am – 9:30pm

Friday, Saturday & SundayFried Haddock* $11.99

Grilled/Baked Salmon* $12.99

Friday & SaturdayAfter 4:00 PM

Prime Rib Au Jus*Small $13.99 • Large $16.79

*with potato, choice of salad, coleslaw or vegetable & rolls

We've been coming here for over

50 years and haveNEVER had a bad

meal!

They have great portions &

prices and the friend-liest waitstaff around.We just love coming

to Cole Farms.Neal & Nancy Dowof Casco

Devin Carrier

graduated with a degree inCivil Engineering from the

University of Maine at Orono.

WELLDONE!

World Records

The World's LargestCatsup Bottle standsproudly next to Route159, just south ofdowntown Collinsville,Illinois. This unique170 ft. tall water towerwas built in 1949 byW.E. Caldwell Com-pany for the G.S. Sup-piger catsup bottlingplant. In 1995, due tothe efforts of the Cat-sup Bottle PreservationGroup, this piece oflocal history was savedfrom demolition andbeautifully restored toits original appearance.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201366

Granite conducts sound ten times faster than air.

Education: Forcing abstract ideas into concrete heads.

Facelift Your Property

Tired of how your old deck looks?Need a new deck?

CALL THE DECK DOCTORS!Stephen Adamczyk, Deck Repair Expert

Call 713-9090 for your FREE estimate!

www.setwright.com

Weight Loss Coffee

LearnEarnBurn

www.MyJavita.com/carolscoffee

225 Hospital St.Augusta, Maine

623-0859discgolfmaine.com

18-HOLE COURSE

Augusta Golf Park

• Disc Golf• Batting Cages• Driving Range

“The epicenter of disc golf in Central Maine”

DISC PRO SHOP


mond’s Open House

Gary Boucher

Connie Boucher

Dan D’Auteuil Jr

I didn’t know that Isaacson &

Raymond was a merger oftwo distinguished L/A firms whose roots go

back to 1922. Neat fact!


Jimbo & Travis


Confucius say… man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons.

Enter to

WINFabulous Prizes!

No purchase necessary to win (winner drawn & notified on 6.24.13)

Winner will get $200 to Sea40PLUS 2 VIP tickets to their outdoor Sea Bash Summer Party

Featuring motor booty affair

To enter:Go to the Uncle Andy’s Digest

facebook page:facebook.com/UncleAndysDigestClick the “Enter to Win”

tab

A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

Back Row (l to r):Kerry Wood, JenHogan, ChristinaCarter, Don Ryan,Judy Hagan-Ryan,Michelle St. Hilaire,Betsy Sibley & Lau-rie Pelletier. Front:Jhanae Laplante, Kat Ouellette & Natalie Green.

COMMUNITY RECYCLES THOUSANDS

OF POUNDS

Community Credit Union(CCU) hosted a Commu-nity Recycle Day in April tohelp community membersdo their part in saving theearth.

“The event drawscrowds every year,” saidKerry Wood, President forCCU. “This was our fifthyear holding the event. Weinitially wanted to expand arecycling program we cur-rently offer to members bydoing a large communityevent in celebration ofEarth Day. We now realizethat the community looksforward to the annualevent and greatly appreci-ates the collaboration ofthe local organizations.”

Several local organiza-tions joined forces to makethis event a success in-cluding CCU, eWaste Re-cycling Solutions, SecurityShredding, and StrathamTire. The following was re-cycled as a result of theevent: 16,000 pounds ofelectronics including CPUsand televisions, 70 tires &4,500 pounds of paper forshredding.

CCU runs a programthey designed called “DoYour Part” each quarter. Itallows members to do theirpart in saving the earth byparticipating in different re-cycling opportunities in-cluding the recycling of cellphones and eye glasses.They also periodically holdShredding events withinthe branches.

CCU is a member-owned, full service finan-cial institution that hasbeen serving its memberssince 1945. With brancheslocated at 144 Pine Street,Lewiston and 40 StanleyStreet, Auburn. For moreinformation about commu-nity services, log onto communitycreditunion.comSee their ad on page 53.

We love bringing the

COMMUNITY togetherto celebrate Earth Day!

It rocked our world for sure!!

GOIN

GGR

EEN!

Ignorance and arrogance have subtle differences ... an ignorant person usually has noclue, whereas an arrogant person has no clue with an alarming degree of confidence.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201368

I need a to get a stenographer for my life. It'd be great to say, "Betty, read back last night so I can see

why I put a skillet on my nightstand."

Confucius say… who was a dude before marriage, is now subdued.

Grammie’s CottageGift Shop

• Holiday Gifts• Homemade Crafts

11 Mechanic Falls Road Welchville Junction, ME(207) 346-0178

• Jewelery• Souvenirs

Open Wed.-Sun.

OPENING SOON!Buying Gold

& SilverTop Dollar Paid!

Call FMI 740-60611321 Sabattus St. • Lewiston

Mainly Sewing• Alterations • Bridal Gowns• Boat & Furniture Upholstery• TailoringSewing Circle Sign-up

call to register

10% OFF with this ad

Mary Tucker114 Western Ave.

Auburn, ME

207-783-9406Mon- Fri from 10 to 6 p.m. Week ends by Appointment

HARRIS BROTHERS

HARRISBROS.

Call us!No Separating Required!

743-3891PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARISMINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

Confucius say… who says he knows how to control a wife is called a bachelor.

Out ’n About

Lisa Ferron, Deb Blais, Anne Moreau, Al Keranen & Jim Mavorat a Univera Training in Vermont

World Records

What is billed as theworld's largest weathervane sits on the shoresof White Lake in Mon-tague, Michigan. It's 48feet tall with a 26-footwind arrow andadorned with a 14-footreplica of a 19th-cen-tury Great Lakesschooner.

World Records

The world's largest cof-fee pot is located inDavidson,Saskatchewan. Itmeasures 24 feet tall,is made of sheet metaland could hold 150,0008 ounce cups of coffee.


Jimbo & Travis


Oh, you lost your phone and it's on silent? That's too bad. If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it.

Confucius say… salesperson who covers chair instead of territory always remains on bottom.


mond’s Open House

Phil Isaacson

Lucien Gosselin

Ron Bissonnette

Hope to see you all at the B2B trade

show on June 13th at the Coliseé

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201370

The moons of Mars are called Phobos and Deimos after two mythical horses that drew the chariot of Mars, the Roman god of war.

Confucius say… if you don't want anyone to get your goat, don't let them know where you have it tied.

Confucius say… there is no future in writing history books.

Trenchless Sewer and Drain Rehabilitation

PERMA-LATERALTM

TRENCHLESS PIPELINING SYSTEM

521 Federal Road, Livermore • 207.320.2177Seals broken areas in Cast Iron, PVC, Orangeburg, Clay Pipes & More!

Call today to have a Clear Drains ofMaine technician perform a site evalua-

tion and provide you with a detailed estimate for rehabilitating your failing

sewer or drain line with ourNO DIG

TRENCHLESS TECHNOLOGY!

Visit us online:

ClearDrainsofMaine.com

392 Center Street, Auburn

786-0112HairByGregorys.com

Summer is coming!!See us for:• Highlights & Colors• New Styles• Manicures & Pedicures• Hair Products & More

Don’t forget Dadon Father’s Day!

Gift Certificates AvailableBack row: Terry, Cory, Kathy, Linda, Jen, NuriaFront: Taylor, Kelly, Kellyann, Michael, Tina

World Records

The biggest bell is the"Tsar Kolokol" cast inthe Kremlin in 1733. Itweighs 216 tons, butalas, is cracked andhas never been rung.The bell was beingstored in a Moscowshed which caught fire.To "save" it, caretakersdecided to throw wateron the bell. This did notsucceed, as the waterhit the superheatedmetal and a giant pieceimmediately crackedoff, destroying the bellforever.

World Records

The World's Largestyo-yo resides in theNational Yo-Yo Mu-seum in Chico, Califor-nia. Named "Big Yo,"the 256-pound yo-yo isan exact scale replicaof a Tom Kuhn "No Jive3 in 1 Yo-Yo." Fiftyinches tall and 31.5inches wide, the yo-yois made of Californiasugar pine, Baltic birchfrom the former USSR,and hardrock maple. Itwas first launched inSan Francisco on Oc-tober 13, 1979.

Did You Know?

Leonardo da Vinci'sname for the MonaLisa was "La Gio-conda." It was namedfor the wife ofFrancesco del Gio-condo. The paintingwas in progress during1503-1506.


Jimbo & Travis


Confucius say… Mother's Day comes nine months after Father's Day.

Falsies: Making mountains out of molehills.

"You have to acceptthings in order to behappy. One of thebiggest things youhave to accept is that ifyou're not happy,it doesn't have to bethat way... but you, andonly you, havethe power to changeyour life for the better."

– Doe Zantamata

Little Known Fact

The oldest living grand-child of a president isJane Garfield who isninety-nine years old.her grandfather wasPresident JamesGarfield who was as-sassinated in 1881.

Submitted by Richard Collins

Did You Know?

There have been twomembers of the UnitedStates senate thathave been assassi-nated. Huey Long ofLouisiana in 1935, andRobert Kennedy ofNew York in 1968. bothmen were 42 years old.

Submitted by Richard Collins

World Records

In 1968, Steve McPeaktraveled from Chicagoto Los Angeles on aunicycle. The trip tookhim six weeks, but heplanned for the longbike journey. Hebrought an extra tireand a spare heinie.

“Your One-Stop Solution for Pest Control!”

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783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201372

Confucius say… rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents.

It costs more to buy a new car today in the United States that it cost Christopher Columbus to equip and undertake three voyages to and from the New World.

FIGHT CANCER!HAVE FUN!

JOIN US!2013 RELAY FOR LIFE

of Androscoggin

7pm Fri. June 21 to 7am Sat. June 22Edward Little High School

Auburn, Maine

Relay For Life is 12 hours of fun for a great cause – joining the American Cancer Society’s

fight against cancer. Teams of people walk arounda track throughout the night. The entire commu-nity will come together through Relay to step up

the fight against cancer. Call today to join us!

Volunteers & TeamsNeeded!

Food Drawings

Activities

To get involved call 1.800.ACS.2345www.relayforlife.org/androscogginme

This year’s theme is “Winter Wonderland”


mond’s Open House

Pat Raymond

Gerry Raymond

Queen Elizabeth I ofEngland owned nearly3,000 gowns.

World Records

In Muddy, Illinois, thepost office measuresonly 7½ by 10½ feet,about the size of a gar-den shed. If it wasn't fora sign hanging abovethe door stating, "U.S.Post Office, Muddy, IL.,62965," finding the tiny,wooden building couldbe difficult.

If the name of every insect were printed in an average-size book, it would take about 6,000 pages to list them all.There are more than 900,000 known species of insects in the world.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201374Bank Robber: A guy who gets alarmed easily.

1200 Minot Ave., Auburn • 783-7126

ElectricalSystemsOfMaine.comElectricalSystemsOfMaine.com

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If your power goes out, your generatorgoes on – automatically.

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We are a licensed Generators Dealer!Portable units available

STANDBY UNITS

The biggest hog ever recorded was a creature named Big Boy who weighed in at 1,904 pounds.

207.784.2011Lease Property Referral

www.yourleasingoffice.com

Lease and Property Management

Home Parties • Facebook Orders& Vendor Events

Spice it upfor Motorcycle Season

RMJ Collections

320-1165

BROTHERS CONSTRUCTION

24’ X 40’ RANCH ROOF$3995 Complete Job

All labor and materials included

– 576-4330 –email: [email protected]


Jimbo & Travis


Today is "bring your dog to work day". I thought it was "bring your dawg to work day". So now DeShaun has to leave. Sorry dawg.

Confucius say… smart ass is someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavor it is.

John CookNTHS Co-Advisor

Out ’n About at the National Technical Honor

Society Induction Ceremony

at the Lewiston Regional Technical Center

Congratulations to all the students who

put forth the effort to bequalified for this tremen-

dous honor...

Arizona has officialstate neckwear — thebolo tie.

Did You Know?

The Special Olympics,the world's largestsporting event featuringdisabled, handicapped,and mentally retardedathletes, werefirst held at SoldierField in Chicago, Illi-nois, in 1968. Theathlete's oath was intro-duced at these gamesby founder EuniceShriver at the openingceremony. The oath is,"Let me win. But if Icannot win, let me bebrave in the attempt."

World Records

Victor Hugo's Les Mis-erables contains one ofthe longest sentencesin the French lan-guage—823 wordswithout a period.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201376

Confucius say… marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.

Justice: A decision in your favor.


mond’s Open House

Diana Dionne

Melissa Olund

CrystalMarchessault

Now Enrolling!

946-KIDS

Ages 6 wks. - 12 yrs.

We offer preschool & toddlerprograms, separate rooms foreach age group, and a large

outdoor play area! Ask about our multi-childdiscount and

family vacation benefit301 Sawyer Rd. • Greene

Early Learning Center

Assisted Home Care II“Our Family Assisting Your Family.”

550 College St., Lewiston • 783-7375 • www.assistedhomecare.org

Assisting Familiessince 1997

Assisted Home Care is seeking individuals to work with

developmentally disabled adults. If you would like to work in area

group homes and you are certified DSP/CRMA, Assisted Home Care

would like you to join our team. We are a per diem staff agency

that’s family oriented. If you need to adjust your schedule because

of the demands on your life, come join our family.

Assisted Home Care is Growing Again

Check out our closeout inventory

and $AVE!!

We service allbrands & types

of bikes

97 Lisbon St. • Lewiston • 784-7576

Log on to RainbowBike.com

Rainbow

Bicycle

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201378

960 Main Street, Oxford • 539-4149500 feet North of the New Balance Factory Outlet Store

Largest Indoor Flea Market in the Area!

Open7 Days a Week9 AM - 5 PM

Featuring

131Vendors

Come to Oxford’s only original indoor flea market!

Open 7 days a week year-round for your shopping!

We honor:M/C, DEBIT, ATM, VISA,

Am. Express & Discover cards

VISIT

“THE BOOK NOOK”

Collectibles • Coins • Glassware • Sports Cards • Furniture • BEANIE BABIES

Advertising Items • Jewelry • Cassettes • DVDs • CD’s • Videos • Antiques & Lots More!

Always

Buying

Regular Paperbacks$1/each

$3.50 each for most Hardcover Books

Selective Hard Covers $2

20% OFFall Audio Books (books on tape & CD)

Over 55,000 Pre-Read Books

& Cookbooks

Pre-Read Books arriving daily

Large Selectionof FentonGlassware!

20% - 75% OFF

INVENTORYREDUCTION

SALE!

Confucius say… giraffe's family reunion is called necks of kin.

A drop of water may travel thousands of miles between the time it evaporates into the atmosphere and the time it falls to the Earth again as rain, sleet, or snow.

Everyday wordswith references to

Greek gods

Brownie: The cousinsof the Girl Scouts arenamed after the CelticBrownies, small,brown-cloaked fairiesthat perform house-hold chores while thefamily sleeps.

Odd PhrasesWhere did they come

from?

The phrase "rule ofthumb" is derived froman old English lawwhich stated that youcouldn't beat your wifewith anything widerthan your thumb.


from?

In the Middle Ages,young men and womendrew names from abowl to see who theirvalentines would be.They would wear thesenames on their sleevesfor one week. To “wearyour heart on yoursleeve” now meansthat it is easy for otherpeople to know howyou are feeling.

"If you constantly lookback at all the badthings that have hap-pened in your life,you're gonna miss thegreat thing that is hap-pening to you rightnow."


Jimbo & Travis


Confucius say… fortune you seek is in another cookie.

The brain of Neanderthal man was larger than that of modern man.

Your kids will always have“Something to do” on thosehot summer days. And because your ABC Pool isvirtually maintenance freeyou’ll enjoy it even more. We offer a full line of aboveground pools with a pricethat’s right for any budget.www.abcpool.comwww.abcpool.com

SATURDAY, JUNE 22ND

Races starts from the town square in Mechanic Falls.

31st Annual

FMI about running, volunteering or to register:Printable forms: www.rsu16.org

Call or email: Cathy Griffiths, [email protected] • 345-9835

Brought to you by:

The Tri-Town Education FundPottle Hill Community Run for Our Schools

10K Race • 5K Race • One-mile Run or Walk

Bring the whole family and enjoyMechanic Falls Community Day

following the race!

Over 500 varieties of fish are able to generate appreciable amounts of electricity.

Mark Samson & Michelle

Larry Raymond Jr


mond’s Open House

Lena-Jo Hartley

I like the new offices down stairs.Great renovations!

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201380Confucius say… man who sleep like a baby doesn’t have one.

About 68% of adults believe that during the next century evidence will be discovered that shows other life in this or other galaxies.

Imus asks tough questions of celebrities, politicians

and media stars and they still come back for more.

Combine that with our award winning local news

and your mornings are complete.

Listen to AM 1240 weekdays 6 to 10 AM

You'll LaughWith lots of humor, Imus is joined by Warner, Bernie,

Lou and Dagen. Add comedians Tony Powell &

Rob Bartlett, starting your day is more fun.

You'll Learn

L-A’sWEZR RADIO 1240

Come learn theOkinawan system

of Isshin-RyuKarate.

Women’s Self DefenseSaturdays or Sundays

$10 per class

We have classes for everyone from ages 7 to 97

1002 Minot Ave. • Auburn

Karate at

• Self defense classes for women, men, and seniors• Traditional martial art classes which include

weapons such as the bo, sai, tonfa, and Nunchaku

to see class details

Come in and watch a class! Join anytime!Classes are $45 per month

Come in or call420-0139

Fran Chamberland & Cecile ParadisAmerican Legion Auxiliary 153 in New Auburn

Volunteeringtheir timebecausefreedomisn’t free

Sasha Haskellin North Dakota

We’re just roaming the earth,

having fun!

World Records

If you walked the entirelength of the China'sGreat Wall, you wouldbe walking farther thanthe distance betweenNew York City andMiami, Florida. Thewall stretches for over1,500 miles. The driv-ing distance betweenNew York and Miami isjust over 1,250 miles.Provided you don't getlost.

World Records

Howard Kinsey and Mrs.R. Roark, during a gameof tennis, batted the ballback and forth 2001consecutive times.

"It's hard to detectgood luck - it looks somuch like somethingyou've earned."

– Frank Howard Clark


Jimbo & Travis


Alaska has a sand desert with dunes over 100 feet high. It is located along the flatland of the Kobuk River in the northwestern part of the state.

Confucius say… woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy.

Why oh Why?Submitted by Jimbo

A man was at a ceme-tery. He began tomoan, "Why did youdie, oh why did youhave to die?"

A passer-by knelt downnext to the man andsaid "Was this personvery close to you?"

"No, actually I nevermet him!" replied theman.

"Why are you moaningthen?" asked thepasser-by curiously.

"He was my wife's firsthusband!"

World Records

On December 15,1998, the Mayer Ka-plan Jewish Commu-nity Center in Skokie,Illinois attempted to setthe inaugural world'srecord for largest num-ber of dreidels to bespun at one time. Atleast 200 people wereneeded to set therecord.

Uncle Andy doesn't get DISTRACTED...

it’s more like Spontaneous Redirection.

The most damagingphrase in the languageis: 'It's always beendone that way.'

– Grace Murray Hopper

Bad Driver: The person you run into.

Jim’s Rent It

1097 Center St., Auburn

• Car Rentals• Pickup Truck Rentals• Convertibles

Lowest priced car rental in the area!

• Passenger Vans with 7,8,12,15 Seating Capacity

Car accidents, no problem!We offer insurance-paid car rentals

Call 784-5438 for details

Kenneth Wolf, M.D. www.wolfeye.com

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201382"There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action." – Goethe

Dandruff: Chips off the old block.

Addictive Advertising Specialties

A cure for all of your promotional product needs!

Pens, wearables,drinkware, calendars

& [email protected]

Styling Dog

$5.00 OFFYour first appointment

stylingdogs.wix.com/stylingdog513-1454 Lewiston

GRANDOPENING

Call for appointment

Who’s the half-naked cheerleader?

Travis Dow, shown here joining the South Portland Cheerleaders duringtheir halftime performance at the EL vs South Portland High School

Playoff Game back in his high school days. Nice leg kick, Trav!

FLASH-BACK!

I probably should have picked Truth instead of Dare.

Smart phones taking over the world...

at thecoffeeshop

out todinner

at themuseum

on adate


Jimbo & Travis


Confucius say… streaker is someone who is unsuited for his work.

The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them.

15 Pierce Street, AuburnAcross from Maine Oxy.

Two driveways down from Doggz Inn.

Automobile & Truck BatteriesDie CastAlloy Rims#1 Steel Prepared/better grading/

better payoutStarters & AlternatorsCatalytic ConvertersCell Phone ScrapComputer Towers Stainless

Always paying the best prices! (prices subject to market changes)

Maine’s Most Trusted Recycler

Mon - Fri 8am - 5pm

615-7057 or 795-8887

Electronic ScrapMother Boards • CoresBrass • Alternators Starters • Motors • PumpsComputer Board ScrapsCopper • Aluminum • InsulatedWire Electric Motors, Radiators, Transmissions

“You are always treatedfairly and with respect!”

We pay extra for copper andbrass from large businesses

with large quantities!

PAYING TOP PRICES FORCOMPUTER SCRAPS

What’s in aName?

A new mom tells thedoctor in the maternityward: I think I will callmy little newborn girl,Anna.

Doctor: Sorry, thatname is already taken.But you can name herAnna532 or Anna_153.

Little KnownFact

The Chicago Cubsbecame the first majorleague team to installan organ in WrigleyField in 1941. Roy Nel-son played the firstpre-game music pro-gram for the fans.

President JamesGarfield could writeLatin with one handand Greek with theother – simultaneously.Leonardo da Vincicould draw with onehand and write with the other – also simultaneously.

Eat Up

Half the foods eatenthroughout the worldtoday were developedby farmers in theAndes Mountains. Po-tatoes, maize, squash,beans, peanuts,pineapples, chocolate,tomatoes, peppers,strawberries, and manyothers were first grownin the region.

Confucius say… never argue with a women when she's tired… or rested.

"Teaching should be such that what is offered is perceived as a valuable gift and not as a hard duty." – Albert Einstein

POOL BUILDERS OF MAINEQUALITY WORKMANSHIP, OUTSTANDING SERVICE.

www.poolbuildersofmaine.com795-7222

from $200 to $350 for 6', 8'

and hexagon sizes. Can build to suit.

Picnic Tables

1525 Minot Ave. Auburn

25 lb. Buckets of3” Chlorine Tabs

only $99

SUPERSALE

Schedule your inground or above

ground now and save!

BEST PRICES GUARANTEED!

ORDER YOUR POOLS NOWFOR THE BEST DEALS! 25%OFF

Welcome to summer UncleAndy’s Digesters. Congratula-tions, you have successfullymanaged to make it through an-other Maine winter. I’m sure youalready have the long johns andmittens packed away up in theattic, nestled snugly in a plasticstorage bag with a sprinkle ofmothballs so you can smell likethe late 1960’s next winter. Afterthe long months inside and thepercolating of cabin fever there isnothing better than getting out-side listening to the peepers,smelling the fresh air, and givingthe black flies a gourmet dinner.

If you have been ponderingtesting the waters of the housingmarket what are you waiting for,Christmas and the snow again?Give my pal Scott Demers a callover at Maine Mortgage Com-pany and have him set you upwith a pre-qualification and thencall your aunt who has a real es-tate license and go nuts drivingher crazy looking at every thirdhouse on every fourth block inthe twin cities. Rates are greatand there is nothing like warmingthe seat on your own porcelainthrown, trust me!

Once you have found yournew home sweet home you cancelebrate at the Village Inn! Theyare celebrating 50 Years in busi-ness this month, so you know itis already going to be a party andhey you can’t beat the mound oftasty battered clams. That is ex-actly what I had last time I wasdown east or up north if youknow what I mean. After youstuff your face full of deliciousVillage Inn cuisine and unpackthe boxes in your new homemake sure you save some timeto read Uncle Andy’s Digestcover to cover and help your fel-low Mainers!

Two of the best parts of Maineare the people and the Digest…and neither is complete withoutthe other. As always until nextmonth email me at [email protected] tweetme at UADMiamiMike!

Out ’n About withMiami Mike


Jimbo & Travis


Laziness: The habit of resting before you get tired.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.

THINK

USEOURADVERTISERS

FIRSTTell ‘emUncle

Andy’ssent ya!

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201386

Reducing: Wishful shrinking.

Confucius say… some fisherman catch their fish by the tale.

Confucius say… newscaster who reports hurricanes, knows how to talk up a storm.

Q: There is a man wholives on the top floor ofa very tall building.Everyday he takes theelevator down to theground floor to leavethe building to go towork. Upon returningfrom work though, hecan only travel half wayup in the lift and has towalk the rest of the wayunless it's raining!

Why?

A: The man is very shortand can only reachhalfway up the elevatorbuttons. However, if it israining, then he will havehis umbrella with him hecan press the higher buttons with it.

120 Center Street Plaza, AuburnMon - Fri 9:30 AM - 6:00 PM

Sat 10 AM - 3:00 PM

783-4226Vision at a Value

Now accepting most major insurances

$79Prescription Sunglasses

Complete Frame & Lens

Starting at

Search VIPEyes Auburn

When you think of sunburn do you think of your eyes?

See associate for details, restrictions may apply

With this ad • Expires 6.30.13

Rick Moylanof Richard Moylan (Allstate) Insurance reading

the Digest at Horseshoe Bay Beach in Bermuda.

I’m miles away from Mayhem...

I hope!

Bill Cormier & Jim Carmichael

Goofing off at the Poland High School Prom

I’m not sure who the dummy

is here...

Ventriloquy 101

The largest school inthe world is a K-12school in the Philip-pines, with an enroll-ment of about 25,000.


Jimbo & Travis


With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.

I hate when I’m on the treadmill and my hand accidentally hits the stop button & I have to get off and eat a bacon grilled cheese sandwich.

Purchasing a Property?

Great Rates • Professional Service • All Major Programs

Refinance Now!! Rates are Rising!!

Programs, rates and terms subject to change without notice. Certain restrictions apply; some programs maynot be combined with others; not all applicants will qualify.

Scott Demers NMLS #389245 • Maine License #SLB 1043950

1-800-554-9630 or (207) 577-8513Scott Demers - Owner

• First Time Home Buyers

• 100% Financing• Purchase Plus

Improvement Loans (203k)

• Second Homes• Multi-family• Land

... and more


mond’s Open House

Scott Corey

Matt Mastrogiacomo

Robin Donovan

I’ve always wanted to be a

Maestro.

I have to hand it to them, what a

great party!

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201388

When villainy didn't pay anymore, The Riddler got a job writing furniture assembly instructions for IKEA.

Yes, 911… That guy just fed my house letters again.

• Professional Arborist

• Tree Removal

• Pruning

• Full Service Landscaping

Fully Insured

GREG ROY212-5234

Now offering Stump Grinding!

FITNESS

Make your summerSPRQ-le with

Kids Summer

Camp Enrolling

NOW!!

754-9411 • SPRQstudio.com

20 Main Street,Sabattus (2nd floor)

– Judo classes Tuesdays at 7pm in June –

Head GamesSubmitted by Jimbo

A psychology professorat the University ofMiami knew his stu-dents expected a terri-fyingly long final exam.

To play with their mindsa little (what do you ex-pect from a psychologyprofessor?) he only putONE question on thefinal exam.

He watched the reac-tions of the students asthey all opened theexams and saw theone question.

Initially they all lookedrelieved, but as the dif-ficulty of the questionbegan to sink in, thoserelieved faces saggedto confusion and con-sternation.

All, that is, except forone student.

He read the question,tapped his pencil intohis palm a few times,then jotted somethingdown on the test paper.

He walked up to the

Wish Don St. Germain a very Happy 75th Birthday!

MORRIS AUTO PARTSDON’S NO PREFERENCE TOWING CO.

and

DON’S NO PREFERENCE TOWING CO.

940 Washington St., Auburn784-4619

Don shares his birthday milestonewith his own company which is alsocelebrating 75 years in business.Congrats to Don’s Towing & Morris Auto Parts!

(He turned 75 on June 6th)

MORRIS AUTOPARTS

940 Washington St., Auburn784-7374



Jimbo & Travis


Confucius say… Jamaican proctologist is called Pok-e-mon.

Farmer: A handy man with a sense of humus.

professor, handed himthe final, and walkedout.

The professor blinkedin surprise, looked atwhat the student wrote,and smiled.

The professor wrote"100%" on the top ofthat student's test.

The question: What iscourage?

The student's answer: This is.

On the first day ofschool, the Kinder-garten teacher said, Ifanyone has to go tothe bathroom, hold uptwo fingers. A littlevoice from the back ofthe room asked: "Howwill that help?"

Is Proud to Announce

Desiraeas the next

RISING STARTo Join Our Team

140 Canal St.Lewiston

513-1130

BlushBeautyMe.com

@blushbeautymeDesirae Beaule

Katie Hunnefieldreceiving a check for $2,000 from Lake City Exports. Katiewas one of the victims to lose everything in the first set offires that took place in Lewiston. The funds were raised aspart of an effort put on by Lake City Exports, where they

matched $1,000 in donations from local donors.

Out ’n About at Lake City Exports

Buster Downing (of G.A. Downing)& friend, Carol

Out ’n About at Cyndi’s Dockside

If you see something percolating

in your backyard you’ve eitherstruck oil or you need to

call me immediately.

Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the

store and then you add one more as an afterthought,he will forget two of the first five.

Linn's Stamp News is the world's largest weekly newspaper for stamp collectors.


783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201390

Be on the lookout for a armed psychic dwarf who just robbed a bank and got away...

the police now have a SMALL MEDIUM at LARGE.

Umbrella: A movable roof.

Auburn Plaza Family DentistryYen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.

auburnplazafamilydentistry.com

Dr. Chen has over 10 years of experience and is happy to be accepting new patients

at his new location.

730 Center StreetAuburn (Big Lots) Plaza

783-1351We are a preferred Northeast Delta provider

Mon.-Fri. 7am - 5pm

Lake City Exports workedwith Kelly Giambra onthis surprise for herdaughter! Sydney Gi-ambra (above) who washaving dinner with herfamily when they walkedout and she saw hersweet 16 birthday pres-ent waiting for her with abig bow on it! She was sohappy and surprised tosee her new car waitingfor her, a 2006 VW Jetta!

Out ’n About atLake City Exports

Mom, you ROCK!

Say What?Submitted by Jimbo

For two years I man-aged a group of musi-cians who proudlylabeled themselves"the loudest rock 'n rollband in L.A." Onenight, during a particu-larly rowdy and rau-cous rehearsal, thegroup took a break.

Rubbing one ear, thelead singer asked,"Hey, are you guys los-ing your hearing?"

The bass playershrugged and, pointingto his forehead,replied, "Well, maybejust a little on top."


Jimbo & Travis


Heir Fare: Executor’s fee.

Garage: An attic on a lower level.

www.KitchenSolutionsMaine.com

Bruce Stacy

WE HAVE MOVEDto better serve you!

995 Center St. Auburn(Next to Appliance Warehouse and

Gamache & Lessard Window Decorators

784-3100Visit our brand new showrooms

Specials on Cabinets & Granite Countertops

10x12 OAKKITCHEN WITHCOUNTERTOP

$1,999

10x12 BIRCHKITCHEN WITHCOUNTERTOP

$2,099


School Prom

Emily Gibson

Hunter Gibson

All this girl stuff is almost too

much for me!

Kylie Martin


Jimbo & Travis


Balanced Diet: A cookie in each hand.

"To teach a man how he may learn to grow independently, and for himself, is perhaps the greatest service that one man can do another." – Benjamin Jowett

"A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it." – Anonymous

WorldRecords

Toronto, Ontario washome to the biggestswimming pool in theworld in 1925. It held2000 swimmers, andwas 300ft x 75ft. It isstill in operation.

The measure of a life,after all, is not its dura-tion, but its donation.

- Corrie ten Boom

The Oasis

Now Offering Only Pool & Spa Chemicals & Water Testing

Gemma Osborne

Now offering in-ground fiberglass pools!

782-7532

120 Center Street Suite 203, Auburn(Next to Tin Tin Buffet)

NEW LOCATION

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201394

"Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality." – Jules de Gautier

Sex symbol and film star Marilyn Monroe said this about herself in her unfinished

autobiography: "I have always had a talent for irritating women since I was 14."

Cooking Tips from a College KidBy Natasha Piirainen

Are you like me, spending thesummer away from yourmother’s amazing cooking?Some of my favs are: stuffedshells, lasagna, delicious, juicyburgers on the grill, and warmpeanut butter chocolate chipcookies for dessert! Maybe you(like me) have chosen to liveout of state to do research forthe summer that sounded goodat first, but now after thinkingabout momma’s cooking you’rebeginning to feel like it might bea mistake? Let’s get throughthis together... here are somethrifty tips and tricks to help youcook for yourself like a pro!Great for any college student.

1) Buy a crockpot. You reallycan set it and forget it! Pick upsome meat at the grocery storeand a bottle of already mademarinade, dump it into thebowl, and BOOM! you’ve gotyourself a five star meal thatonly takes a few hours to cook!

2) Stock up on pasta. You canadd anything to it! Tomatosauce is most popular, but youcan also use parmesan cheese,sausages, cheddar, Italian orranch dressing, barbecuesauce, sour cream, leftoversoda, alright some of theseprobably wouldn’t taste thatgreat but you get the point.

3) Most importantly, get a car.Driving means you can gohome for a visit when it is din-ner time. In my case, just athree and a half hour drivethrough three states will get meback to Maine in time for lemongarlic chicken and stuffing. Anda long drive for mom’s home-made cooking is always a bet-ter idea than ramen noodles!

Good luck and happyeating!

The Bible is the number one shoplifted book in America.

Check out our newest location686 Sabattus St., Lewiston

Featured Inventory‘02 BMW X5

Call 520-0028686 Sabattus St. • Lewiston

View our entire inventory online @ www.IndependentAuto.Me

V8, AWD $8,995

‘05 Honda Element EX

4WD $9,500

‘05 Audi A4

1.8T, Auto., AWD $9,995


Jimbo & Travis


The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.

I couldn't work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

HANNA ROYA fifth-grader at St. Dom’s was inspired to design her own

Fairy Garden and here she is in the reality of her dream. With a greatimagination, Hanna came up with the concept for her garden to becomplete with fairy crafts, fairy teas and gnome houses. “The fairieslive nearby and visit often to sprinkle pixie dust on my garden. Theirmagical touch makes it come to life,” says Hanna.

Standing in the background are Hanna’s parents, Greg andPatrice Roy, enjoying the magic.

ANDROSCOGGIN TITLE COMPANY

95 MAIN STREET • AUBURN, MAINE 04210

Title Insurance • Title Searches • Real Estate Closings

Bart Kelsea, President

(207) 784-6413

At 12 years old, an African named Ernest Loftus made his first entry in his diary and continued everyday for 91 years.

Tricky

The wick of a trick can-dle has small amountsof magnesium in them.When you light thecandle, you are alsolighting the magne-sium. When someonetries to blow out theflame, the magnesiuminside the wick contin-ues to burn and, in justa split second (or twoor three), relights thewick.

World Records

The Tokyo WorldLanes Bowling Centeris the largest bowlingestablishment in theworld. It has 252 lanesand one very tired pinsetter.

"Each year a healthyadult male consumesone and one-half timeshis weight in other peo-ples patience."

– John Updike

Editor’s note: Uncle Andyis very healthy in this de-partment and is currentlyat three times his weight

in other peoples patience.

Little Known Fact

The World of Resi-denSea, the first condocruise ship, launchedfrom Oslo, Norway onMarch 29, 2002, andwas christened inVenice, Italy on May17, 2002. At its launch,you could buy a condofor as little as $2.2 mil-lion and cruise theworld in style!

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201396

To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!

The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more furniture... but all I really wanted was a one night stand.

FROM STONE DUST TO ROCFROM STONE DUST TO ROCOur Gravel Pit is located at 168 Midd

mile from the Maine Turnpike. We hav

gates. Pick up and delivery are availab

www.stlaurentandson.comwww.stlaurentandson.com

Locally owned and operated since 1970!

784-7944

Our delivery area. Visit our website for pricing on all of our products.

Desirae BeauleBlush Beauty Boutique in

Lewiston has announced De-sirae Beaule of Lewiston isthe next rising star to jointhe team. Mrs. Beaule is a2009 Graduate of Spa Techin Westbrook, where shewas trained on Paul MitchellColor. "We're pleased to havesomeone as talented anddedicated to the professionas Desirae joining our team."Elizabeth Betsch, co-ownerof Blush Beauty Boutiquestated.

Desirae offers all majorhair services with specializa-tion in cuts and colors. Shewill also be doing gel mani-cures at the Salon. Desirae isavailable by appointmentTuesday- Saturday and canbe reach by calling the salonat 207-513-1130.

Blush Beauty Boutique isan upscale hair salon locatedat 140 Canal St in Lewiston,owned and operated by Ash-ley Alexander and ElizabethBetsch. The salon opened inAugust of 2012 and hasbeen featured in a Nation-wide Hair Publication and isalso being featured in an up-coming video about PaulMitchell Salons.

See their ad on page 89.

New Team Member at Blush


Jimbo & Travis


Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.

I just realized that I haven't done the hokey pokey in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it's all about.

CK, WE HAVE IT IN STOCK!CK, WE HAVE IT IN STOCK!dle Road (Rt. 9) in Sabattus. The gravel pit is conveniently located less than a half

ve a large scale crushing/processing operation and offer a wide variety of aggre-

ble. Call our office for pricing or order online at www.stlaurentandson.com.


School Prom

Craig & Julie Martin

CJ Martin

Things You May Hear Just

Before Unemployment

- I don't know whatwe'll do without you,but we are going to try!

- We told everyone youare leaving because ofillness. The truth is I'msick of you.

- Its not that you aren'ta responsible worker.In fact, you've been re-sponsible for more dis-asters than any oneelse in the place.

Believe it or not, this is ourfirst time in this

magazine.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 201398

Darth Vader once madecookies, but they werea little on the dark side.

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

Expert Custom Framing &Quality Personal Service!

Along with the best selection of frames and mats for prints,

pictures or keepsakes.23 Cross Street, Auburn • 786-4333

You Name It, We Frame It!Our Affordable,

Everyday Pricing8x10.........................$2016x20.......................$3020x24.......................$4024x36.......................$50Silver, Gold or Black metal frames only.

Dan Williams, owner

Custom Picture Framing you’ll

treasure forever!

Sports memorabilia,

artwork, familyphotos & so much

more!

Lewiston Regional Techni-cal Center students, DerekMontminy, Jacob Matson& Tanner Marston shownhere building a shed inclass.Their instructor, Mr. JasonMerritt has been teachingthem everything from howto handle power tools, or-dering materials for a job,and has instilled the mental-ity and importance of meas-ure twice, cut once.

SHEDBuilding

at LRTC

Things You May Hear Just

Before Unemployment

- Today I'm going tomix business withpleasure. You're fired!

- I've got good news foryou. You won't have toworry about being latefor work ever again.

- Tell me - how longhave you been with us not counting tomorrow?

World Records

Belgian driver Jenatzywas the first to reach aspeed of over 100km/hin his electrically pow-ered car 'La JamaisContente' in 1899.

481 Maine Street, Poland Spring • 998-2806Open 7-days a week: Monday - Saturday 11am - 7pm; Sunday 12pm - 6pm

8 hrs -lunch, refreshments included. Need a pistol and100 rounds of ammo plus eye and ear protection.

See you there!

Upcoming Classes 8am–4pm:Sat. June 29th • Sat. July 27th

Sun. August 18th

CWP Courses: $100 per person

Albert, RandyAllen, GeorgeAndrejewski, KarenAudet, JudithBarry, DebraBeaudoin, SusanBeaulieu, DebraBilodeau, MichelleBiltz, KathrynBlanchard, PaulBousquet, RobinBrackett, WilliamBradford, MarkBrandt, BrendaBrown, NealBureau, DennisCanning, John

Carlin, CherylCaron, DeniseChampagne, RodgerCloutier, TheresaCote, LisaCote, Peggy JordanCraig, NancyDavidson, SharonDumont, WilliamEverett, VeronicaFortier, DonaldFreeley, KenGagne, AngelaGallant, SueGamahe, KarenGoodwin, Susan CrayGreen, Brenda

Green, Pam SnoweGrenier, ClaireGrove, NateHarrington, PeggyHolbrook, BonnieJames, RickJohnson, MikeKanda, KimiKeene, TheresaLachance, MaryLamontagne, DanielLathem, JoanLebel, LaurierLebrun, JolineLeClaire, LaurenLedwell, ToddLepage, Paul

Lyons-Rogers, LisaMacDonald, DaleMacDonald, RobinMcKenzie, PamelaMcLean, JoelMerrill, GuyMichaud, Gina KeithNelson, KristinePoulin, LorraineRand, ThomasReed, JeannineRichards, GayleRose, RonaldSands, CatherineWalter, David

ELHS Class of ’83The Edward Little High School Class of 1983

is planning their 30th Reunion & needs your help.We’re currently looking to locate our classmates’ addresses listed below.

We’ll be mailing the invitations very soon. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Please email any of the missing classmates mailing addresses to either: Elaine Gammon at [email protected] or Jackie Witham at [email protected]

30th Class Reunionfor the Class of 1983

August 3, 2013at the Ramada Inn in Lewiston

6:00 - 7:00 pm Happy Hour7:00 - 11:00 pm Buffet dinner

& GREAT FUN!

Watch for more info in the coming months of Uncle Andy’s Digest about our class reunion.

Connect with your classmates on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/groups/163033007074/

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 2013100

There was an explosion at a pie factory, 3.14 people sustained minor injuries.

There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.

June Is:Proms • Recitals • WeddingsGraduations • Father�s Day

Ann’s Flowers14 Millett Drive, Auburn 782-3457

www.annsflower.com

We’ve got you covered!

I don't trust people with graph paper. They're always plotting something.

$500 DISCOUNTon new remodels

Call for detailsoffer expires 8/1/13

• New Homes • Additions• Siding • Windows & Doors• Kitchens • Flooring• Handicap Bathrooms & Ramps• Seamless Gutters• Blown-in Insulation

933-4874 • Leeds, MEvghomeimprovements.com

We’re sure you’ve alwayswondered how they get deerto cross at those deer cross-ing signs. And some of youhave also wondered whyyou’ve never seen childrenat play near those road signsthat say, ‘SLOW, Children atPlay’. Well folks, a fan of theDigest submitted this greatphoto showing a child at playwithin eye shot of one ofthem there signs.

So it’s not a real child. De-tails. It is, however, very cre-ative! It as made by RickTurmenne of Mechanic Falls.His sister, Pauline Bragdonsubmitted the photo.

Child at play spotted

World Records

The highest wind ve-locity ever recorded inthe United States was231 miles per hour, onMount Washington,New Hampshire, in1934.

One youngster was ex-plaining to anotherwhat "mixed emotions"meant. "It's like watch-ing the school burndown when your newcatcher's mitt is in yourdesk," he said.

In 1683, Dutch scientistAntony van Leeuwen-hoek reported his discovery of bacteria.He discovered the bacteria by looking atthe plaque between his own teeth where he found living animalcules.


Jimbo & Travis


There's always that one kid in PE who thinks it's the Olympics.

Never give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.

I do what I want, where I want, when I want.... If my Mom says its ok.

Christopher Harris, 54 High Street, South ParisTo schedule an appointment contact Jen at:

653-8996

Ayurvedic Wellness Care can help you with:

Pain Management • Bonesetting • StressAnxiety • Increased Energy & More!

thru Ayurvedic Wellness

Chris, shown here, works

with one of his many

clients, Hillary Nurmi

Call Us Today!

Hours: Tues. - Fri. 9am-7pm • Sat. 9-25 South Main Street, Mechanic Falls

June 22-23 only

345-3819

SHEILA’SHAIR SALON

SHEILA’S

CommunityDays

at Sheila’sJune 21st & 22nd

FridayBig Yard Sale

in back of the salon

Angie Nicole Sheila AllySat. June 22nd

50% offADULT spray cuts ONLY

(no shampoo)Please call for appointment

All day: great deals on shampoo/conditioner


Greek gods

Siren: The Greeks be-lieved the Sirens werewomen who called topassing sailors withtheir beautiful singingvoices.


Greek gods

Iridescent: Namedafter Iris, the Greekgoddess of the rainbow.


from?

Clans of long ago thatwanted to get rid oftheir unwanted peoplewithout killing themused to burn theirhouses down - hencethe expression "to getfired."

Nope, I don't have tobe so sarcastic! Butthe world just gives meso much to work withwhy waste it!


Greek gods

Panic: Named afterthe Greek god Pan,who was believed toholler and shriek in themiddle of the night.Greeks who heardthese noises often panicked.

Websites...Yep, We Do That!

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

UADwebsites.com783-7039 • [email protected]

Our sites include: One domain name (that YOU own) • FOUR pages

FIVE email addresses • Mobile friendly, Responsive design • Easily updateable w/full

access • Search Engine Friendly • Managed Web Hosting (No worries about getting hacked or your software going out of date. All sites backed up regularly with latest security patches and software upgrades).

GET YOUR BUSINESS THE ATTENTION IT DESERVES!Call us today for your affordable, mobile friendly website that will get you the online

presence you need to have in todays business climate.

Mobile friendly websites you can afford

Call TODAY to get

started!


Jimbo & Travis


A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Uncle Andy’s Acutal Test Answers: Lactose: person without digits on

BACKGROUND CHECKSBACKGROUND CHECKSPre-Employment

Local, State, National and Federal Criminal Historyincludes:

• SSN Verification/Address Verification• InstaNational Criminal History• Federal Criminal History• Maine SBI Criminal History• Sex Offender/Violent Offender search all states• Interpol / FBI most wanted• Terrorist watch list

Other verification and Private Investigator services are available.

All searches are conducted and filtered by a licensed private investigator to meet FCRA regulations to reduce your liability.

Pre-adverse and adverse action letters and consumer copies provided at no extra charge to help you stay compliant with current FCRA regulations.

Volume pricing is available. Volume customers can be set up to run reports right from their own office for their convenience.

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONS577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com

National Criminal History

including Sex Offender all states ................................$18.99

SSN Address Verification.................................................2.75

Employment Credit report ...............................................9.00

Tenant Credit Report w/ score ........................................9.00

State of Maine SBI check...............................................24.00

State of ME drivers license history .................................9.00

Personal and professional reference checks ..............$10.00

Education verification....................................................15.00

Prior Employment verification ......................................10.00

Professional License verifications.................................10.00

Single state Eviction check...............................7.00 per state

National Eviction Check ................................................11.00

State and National Criminal Historyincludes:

• SSN verification/Address verification

• InstaNational criminal History• Maine SBI criminal history• Sex Offender/Violent Offender

search all states• Interpol / FBI most wanted

• Terrorist watch list• Trans Union Credit Report w/ credit score

• National Eviction Check (Civil courts, all states)

Tenant Screening

A La Carte Pricing

$45.00

$49.99

MID MAINE DRUG SCREENING & INVESTIGATIONSFull Service Drug Testing Company & Private Investigator

577-6000 • www.MMDRUGSCREENING.com

Animals, Ya gotta Love

’em!

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then the world will know peace. – Jimi Hendrix

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 2013104Tips with English Grammar: begin with a capital and end with a period

1 mile south of Oxford Plains Speedway

596 Main Street, Oxford • 539-8811

maine-lyaction.com

Out ’n About at the National Technical Honor

Society Induction Ceremony

at the Lewiston Regional Technical Center

Journee Levasseur & Rob Callahan

Journee was inducted into the NTHS

Tanner Marston & Rob Callahan

Tanner was inducted into the NTHS

Jakob Matson & Rob Callahan

Jakob was inducted into the NTHS

Tips with English Grammar: Never leave a transitive verb just lay there without an object.

783-7039


Jimbo & Travis

June 2013106

I may not be Jesus but I can turn water into koolaid.

I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.

Golf Meditations

The game of golf is90% mental and 10%mental.

Since bad shots comein groups of three, afourth bad shot is actu-ally the beginning of thenext group of three.

When you look up,causing an awful shot,you will always lookdown again at exactlythe moment when youought to start watchingthe ball if you ever wantto see it again.

No matter how bad youare playing, it is alwayspossible to play worse.

Never try to keep morethan 300 separatethoughts in your mindduring your swing.

When your shot has tocarry over a water haz-ard, you can either hitone more club or twomore balls.

If you're afraid a fullshot might reach thegreen while the four-some ahead of you isstill putting out, youhave two options: youcan immediately shanka lay-up or you can waituntil the green is clearand top a ball halfwaythere.

The less skilled theplayer, the more likelyhe is to share his ideasabout the golf swing.

The inevitable result of(continued on next page)


Jimbo & Travis


I hate Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and half of Friday...

I can always tell if they use fake dinosaurs in films. – Uncle Andy

Disneyland. The world's biggest people trap, built by a mouse.

Family Friendly Dentistry

is accepting new patients

willowrundental.com

Come meet our friendly Dentists & StaffScott Beckerman, DMD

Geraldine Schneider, DMDJeffrey Sloan, DDS

• Family cosmetic dentistry• Emergency same-day care• Most insurance plans accepted

783-0261One Willow RunUnit 1-B, Auburn

Willow Run Dental Association

Showroom Hours: Mon., Tues., Wed., Fri. 8AM - 4:30PMOpen Thurs. until 6PM

APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED

Glenda Mitchell: [email protected]

Tim Fox: [email protected]

Make an appointment with our showroom consultants to get easy access to a

“World of Choices,” ideas and advantages.

Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail

Partnering with Professionals

3 Middle Street, Lewistonshowroom.redlon-johnson.com

Kitchen innovations.

any golf lesson is the in-stant elimination of theone critical unconsciousmotion that allowed youto compensate for all ofyour many other errors.

If it ain't broke, trychanging your grip.

Golfers who claim theydon't cheat also lie.

Everyone replaces hisdivot after a perfect ap-proach shot.

A golf match is a test ofyour skill against youropponents luck.

It is surprisingly easy tohole a fifty foot putt......for an 8.

Counting on your oppo-nent to inform you whenhe breaks a rule is likeexpecting him to makefun of his own haircut.

Nonchalant putts countthe same as chalantputts.

It's not a gimme if yourstill away.

The shortest distancebetween any two pointson a golf course is astraight line that passesdirectly through the cen-ter of a very large tree.

There are two kinds ofbounces; unfairbounces and bouncesjust the way you meantto play it.

You can hit a two acrefairway 10% of the timeand a two-inch branch90% of the time.



Confucius say… economy will go up and down when country is run by yo-yo's.

"When a man dies, if he can pass enthusiasm along to his children, he has left them an estate of incalculable value." – Thomas EdisonUncleAndysDigest.com

Every time a golfermakes a birdie, he must subsequently make twotriple bogeys to restorethe fundamental equilib-rium of the universe.

If you want to hit a 7iron as far as TigerWoods does, simply tryto lay up just short of awater hazard.

To calculate the speedof a players downswing,multiply the speed of hisbackswing by his handi-cap; i.e. backswing20mph, handicap 15,downswing = 600mph.

There are two thingsyou can learn by stop-ping your backswing atthe top and checkingthe position of yourhands: how manyhands you have, andwhich one in wearingthe glove.

Hazards attract, fair-ways repel.

You can put "draw" onthe ball, you can put"fade" on the ball, butno golfer can put"straight" on the ball.

A ball you can see inthe rough from 50 yardsaway is not yours.

If there is a ball in thefringe and a ball in thebunker, your ball is inthe bunker. If both ballsare in the bunker, yoursis in the footprint.

Don't buy a putter untilyou've had a chance tothrow it.


867 Center St.Auburn

The Customer is#1Proud of our Finance Partnership

with local Credit Unions

Newest employeeCOLIN DUBE

LakeCityExports.com 867 Center St. Auburn

TOYOTAS ON SALE2006 Tacoma $15,4902010 Prius $16,4902007 Camry V6 SE 74k $12490

Actual vehicle colors may vary

2008 Altima 2.5 S Coupe $114902007 Xterra SE $129902006 Altima 3.5 SE $8990

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2008 Rav4 Sport $13,4902006 4Runner $14,490

FORDS2011 Fusion I4 SE $124902010 Fusion SEL $119902009 Focus SE 75k $99902006 Fusion V6 SEL $89902006 Explorer Eddie Bauer $11490

Happy 16th Birthday Sidney!

SIDNEYGIAMBRA

2008 Jetta PZEV SEL $114902007 Jetta Wolfsburg PZEV $94902007 Passat 3.6L 4Motion $119902006 Passat 2.0T $94902004 Passat GLX 4Motion $5990

2011 Jetta TDI $169902008 Passat Komfort $10990

NISSANS

2008 9-3 2.0T w/70k $124902007 9-5 2.3T w/ 71k $114902007 9-3 Convertible $10490

uncle andy's digest - june 2013

Documents

jimboa young man

comprehensive dentistry

lincoln st

lakeshore drive

millett drive

south paris744

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uncle andys digest