Types of female commuters that men meet every day in Delhi Metro

1. A girl enters a crowded general compartment of Delhi metro and, on her way to a seat, her

private parts brush past the hands/ body parts of a guy. *SLAP* *SLAP* ‘Tune mujhe

chhooaa kaise’, the girl in her late 20s would shout at a guy in her late 40s or early 50s,

embarrassing him. As

soon as the guy would

try to say something in

defense, another swing

of arm would hit him on

the cheek that has not

already become red by

the previous blow. I, on

behalf of all the

gentlemen travelling in

metro, want to convey a

simple message: Ladies,

don’t make issues out of nothing. If a man accidentally touches you, it doesn’t always mean

he is trying to molest you. Public transports are crowded. There will be people standing on

every inch of every space and whether you like it or not, there will be some sort of physical

contact and there’s nothing we can do about it. We know it can be uncomfortable, but it is so

even for us, not just you. Know that not all men, in fact most men don’t board trains and

buses and metros to molest. If a man’s bag just grazes against your back for a moment, it’s

not molestation. Nobody enjoys banging into anyone randomly every now and then,

regardless of how pretty you may be. He probably doesn’t even know it is happening. And

there’s possibly no pleasure his bag is getting out of touching you. So, calm down. Know that

it hurts when you ‘accidentally’ step on our feet. Stop falling on people.

2. A girl enters a general

compartment of Delhi metro

and shouts at the men standing

there, “Bhaiya, yahan jagah kam

hai. Aap thorha dur kharhe

hoyein zara.” Hello ma’am! You

are not the sole travellers. You

do realize that you, for the sake

of your comfort, are causing

discomfort to others. Yes, we

understand your speculations. But asking for that level of comfort from such a cheap and

over-crowded mode of public transport is a tad too far-fetched.

3. A girl enters a general compartment of Delhi metro and asks a guy, who has been doing

physical labour all day long and is very tired, to vacate the seat. These ladies, like the buys

they shout at, must try and offer these seats to people who are in need of the seat more

than them. It would be nice to see you get up and offer your ‘reserved’ seat to the young guy

who’s not feeling well or the old man who’s finding it hard to stand in the crowd.

4. And then there are others who enter metro with

their kids and/or husbands/ boyfriends and first

take a normal seat, asking a guy to show some

chivalry. Then they ask the accompanying male(s)

to sit on their seats and find themselves more

seats, because- ‘Hello! How can you question a

woman asking for a seat? Isn’t she always in need

of the seat more than you?’ Sorry ma’am, I beg to

differ.

5. The multi-tasking, super-talented women in the Delhi Metro are next in line. You’ll find them

feeding, knitting, pleading, cribbing, bitching, breastfeeding and shouting at the same time.

‘Aji sunte ho! Munne k doodh ka tame (time) ho gya hai. Humre saamne kharhe ho jao, hum

zara munne ko doodh pila dein.’ And then to everyone’s horror, comes out one breast and

enters the kid’s mouth. As much as rude it may sound, but ladies, regardless of the men’s

love for boobs, everyone abhors this sight, especially in public places and public modes of

transport.

6. The next most entertaining (read annoying)

class is of the hackneyed, oh-so-tired ladies. I

am talking about those aunty jis who push you

back into the metro when you are trying to de-

board and then give you a death stare as if all of

this was your fault. But when they want to sit

and they don’t get a seat they’ll portray

themselves as the most amiable people in the

whole metro by saying “Beta ji thoda thoda

shift ho jao” or “Beta ji, bauhaut thak gayi hun.

Seat de do.” And then, there are those aunties

who start looking for their metro token/card in

their blouses when a freaking long line of

people is waiting behind them to exit.

7. Another class akin to the above is the highly flexible class of ladies. When there is no

reserved seat available, they would try asking the men and women to squeeze in to make a

little space for them. But they are highly sensitive of their space bubble, often asking for a

school-assembly-line-like one arm distance radially for their comfort. Ma’am, men seek

comfort too. When you ask us to squeeze in, you make half a dozen people uncomfortable in

the process. And then, another problem men face is due to the long hair of these ladies. It

can get very annoying when that gets in our faces, on our clothes, everywhere, especially

when the metro is already crowded. Come on, ladies (and men) with long hair. At least tie

them up. Nobody wants to be gagged with some stranger’s hair on their way to work.

8. Another annoying class is the bunch of loquacious, jabber-mouths. They might be too tired

to stand, but are always full of energy to talk. They can go on from Huda City Center to

Jahangirpuri, and perhaps further ahead in a bus up to Chandigarh. Ladies! What can I treat

you to in order to stop your idiot box (mouth blabbering useless stuff)?

9. The next class is of the rebellions. ‘Suwar k

bacchhon! In aurton k liye reserved seaton pe mat

baithna!’ These ladies are always shouting- “How

dare you sit on ‘Ladies Only’ seats?” “How dare

you come close to me?” “How dare…” Oh wait!

Ma’am, if you would stop shouting at the

daredevils of Delhi and simply request politely,

that might actually work. But they chose

otherwise. Such a statement is often followed by-

“Tum apni maa behen k saath bhi aisa karte?”

Sorry, but I ask my sister/ mother to take the ladies compartment while I chose to enter a

general compartment. And perhaps if you too had not been seat-greedy and entered a ladies’

compartment instead of thinking of an assured seat out of chivalry from the ‘Humans of

Delhi’ in the general compartment, both you and I would have had a much easier life.

10. Still another is the class of hypocrites. These

are the lovely ladies who would give lectures

on chivalry and metro rules when they want a

seat, but would not care about the rules

themselves. They would take the seats for the

old/ physically handicapped, often asking the

elderly males to vacate a seat for them, or

would not follow other rules. You might find

them listening to music without earphones out loud, or eating inside the metro, taking

selfies, or even sitting on the metro floor. Hello! Aren’t rules made for everyone?

11. The last class is of the logical/silent/innocent ladies who do not disturb others. They are busy

reading, listening to music, or simply resting. Some of them would even get up to offer seat

to some elderly or some injured person who is in more need of the seat than her. God bless

you! At least some of you are in their correct senses.