NEWCASTLE UNITED FANZINE - THE ALTERNATIVE VIEW - 2015/16 SEASON

15/16

ISSUE 122

PARTIZAN

GEORDIE

For more information or to donate online please visit www.sirbobbyrobsonfoundation.org.uk

Or send a cheque to The Sir Bobby Robson foundation, Room 203, Cheviot Court, Freeman Hospital, Newcastle upon Tyne NE7 7DN. Newcastle upon Tyne Hospitals NHS Charity (Reg. 1057213)

Let’s tackle cancer!Make a donation today. Click here.

E-MAIL:

editor@true-faith.co.uk

WEBSITE:

www.true-faith.co.uk

EDITOR: Michael Martin

DEPUTY EDITOR:

Gareth Harrison

ART & DESIGN:

Glenn Ashcroft

& Michael Martin

ILLUSTRATIONS:

Marc Jennings

marcjennings.co.uk

PHOTOGRAPHY:

Matt Flynn, Colin Ferguson

& Carl Haynes

PROOFREADING -

Neil Huitson

WEBSITE: Glenn Ashcroft

& Michael Martin

COPYRIGHT: All items(c) true

faith. Not to be reproduced

without the prior permission

of true faith.

STATEMENT: This is NOT

an official product of

Newcastle United FC.

NOTICE: All views

expressed are the views

of the author and do not

always represent the views

of true faith.

CONTRIBUTIONS: All

contributions to true

faith are welcomed,

encouraged and considered

for publication - letters,

articles, photos etc.

NEVER FORGOTTEN:

L.J. & M. Martin.

NEXT ISSUE: TF 123

OUT: SEE WEBSITE/TWITTER

SUBMISSIONS

FOR NEXT ISSUE:

SEE WEBSITE/TWITTER

© true faith.

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 3

Editorial.................................................... pg4

TBAWE...................................................... pg6

Optimism................................................ pg11

DerbyDisaster....................................... pg14

Comeinno.9yourtimeisup......... pg16

CommunityService............................. pg20

TouchingDistance............................... pg24

ToughCrowd.......................................... pg28

Theworstoftimes?............................ pg31

Judas?....................................................... pg34

Here’swhatyoucouldhavewon.. pg36

TPRofTynesidevTalksport

&thewhitevanmenofEssex........ pg40

Jubilee-IsNewcastleactually

betterwithoutthefootballteam?.... pg42

ArrestedDevelopment....................... pg44

Acaptain’stale..................................... pg48

Cartoons................................................. pg52

FeeleveryBeat..................................... pg53

EndofEmpire....................................... pg62

TheboyfromBrazil............................ pg64

Didtheclubinvestall

itcouldinthesummer?................... pg70

tfPodcasts............................................. pg77

Postcardsfromtheedge................... pg78

TheSecretDiaryofLeeRyder........ pg80

60secondseason-1914/15.......... pg84

Depression,drugs,delusion

&MrAshley’sbigshop..................... pg86

TheEnd................................................... pg90

Welcome to tf 122.

Once again I’m startingoff an editorial here withUnitedonanothermassivedowner.DespiteanewHeadCoachinthesummerwitharevampedbackroomstaffaswellas£50minvestedinnewplayerswe’vehadtheworst start to a season inourentirehistory.WeweredisgracefullybadathomeintheLeagueCuptoSheffieldWednesday Reserves anddeservedly exited thecompetition we had thebestchanceofprogressingin. We have lost anotherderby by an emphaticscore-line and as I write(before the Stoke game)we are second bottom ofthePremierLeague.

There have been somehorrific performances –Sheff Wed (h),West Ham(a),Swansea(a)andWatford

(h) were straightforwardlyhorrific whilst losing 6-1at Man City stunned thetravellingsupport.

Whilstmanyhaveassessedthesquadaswoefullyshortof quality in key positions– right through the spineoftheteam–fromcentre-half to central midfield tocentre forward there havebeen plenty who havequestioned the qualityof leadership and pride inthe jersey from numerousplayers.

Despite a whole closeseason of preparation theteam does not yet havean identity in its style ofplay and although therehave been moments hereandthere inseveralgameswhere we have shownpromise they simply havenot been sufficient to giveusanymorethanonewin

in tenPLmatches andwecouldnotdealwithSheffieldWednesday’s second stringintheLeagueCup.

There are also far toomanyplayersonthebookspickingupbigmoneywhoare currently contributingnothing – Tiote, Cisse, DeJong,Goufrann,Williamson,Obertan, Marveaux andRivierewhothoughinjuredis painfully short. All ofthose players should havebeen moved on in thesummer and although£50m was spent on fourplayers only three are inthe side regularly and lastseason’s key buy De Jonglooks to be a peripheralfigurewho is failingto liveuptohisbilling.Cabellawasreturned to France fromwhence we have broughtinThauvin who despite anearly flicker at Man Utd

and against Northamptonin the League Cup lookscompletely ineffective. Justtoaddtothegloom,HatemBen Arfa looks reborn atNice.Sighs!

We’ve been told that thetask of rebuilding Unitedwill be done over threewindows and hints havebeen dropped that theclub will be active in theJanuary window. McClarenhas spoken about theneedtobring inprovenPLexperienced players andmaybe break the U-25rule in signing new talent.However, it seems as ifthe Head Coach will havelittlesayinthenewplayerscoming in and there willbe no change to theCarr-Charnleyhegemonyinthatarea.GodknowswhatBobMoncur’s role is on thefootballboardbutitmaybe

editorial tf 122 November 2015editor@true-faith.co.uk @tfeditor1892

www.true-faith.co.uktf 4

it is only marginally lessinfluentialthanMcClaren’s.

So,asthingsstandweseemto be a long way fromtop eight finishes and ifwe hadn’t been promiseddifferently it wouldn’t beunreasonable to supposethe “No Cups” policy wasstillinfullforce.

At the start of the seasonMcClaren asked for tengamesbeforeanyonemadeany judgements of whathe is bringing to theBlack&White planet.Withonlyone Premier League winin ten the former Englandmanager is now notunsurprisingly asking for afullseason.

Ithinkhemaygetit.

Charnley and Carr seemto have been fixated onbringing McClaren to SJPand simply set their facesagainst public opinion,adopt radio silence andhopeforthebest.WhetherAshley will allow hisinvestmenttoberelegatedtotheChampionshipintheseasonwhenvastamountsofmoneyarecomingdownthetubesasa resultofanastonishing new set ofTVdealsisopentodebate.

Ofcourse it isnomysterywhyweareinthisposition.There has been consistentunder-investment in theplaying staff extendingbackyearsandonesummerof half-decent investmentisn’t going to quickly roll-back a mad period of JoeKinnear as Director ofFootball and 12 monthswithout signing a singlefirst team player not to Follow Michael on twitter

mentionayouthacademythat continues to fail todeliver.Good players haveleftandnotbeenreplacedonfartoomanyoccasions.

The hope we had for aturnaround in the club’sfortunes in the summerarepainfullyunfulfilledandif we are in the same PLpositiononNewYear’sDaythenalarmbellsmightstarttoring.

As ever supportingNewcastle United is well,justbloodyawful!

Thoughtherearesomeraysof sunshine in Mag-Worldandyouarereadingit.

We’ve recently decided tobring our fanzine to youFREE of charge. It makesabsolutely no commercialor business sense for usto bring it to you FREEbutwell,that’sneverreallybeenamajorconsideration

in this caper since wepublished Issue 1 in 1999.Aslongaswecancoverthecosts then we’re fine. Wethinkwecanjustaboutdothat and it’s our ambitionto be able to continue todevelopwhatwedogoingforward.

What we do now knowhowever is that thereadership of this herefanzine is going to gothrough the roof and itsnot over-stating it to saywhat you are reading isquitelikelytobethemostwidely read fanzine in thecountry.

Naturally,thisisaNewcastleUnited fanzine and thatwill always continue to bethecasebutwedofeelasthoughthereisnon-specificNUFC related material inthese pages to attract aneven wider fanzine lovingcrowd who may not even

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 5

beGeordiesorevenfollowUnited.That’sfineandyouareverywelcome.

With a hugely increasedreadership what we cannowoffertoourexpandingpool of writers is a hugereadership for you. Everywriter wants to be readand we think if you areinterested in dipping yourtoes into fanzine writingthenthere’snobetterplacethan here. Just drop me alineoneditor@true-faith.co.uk andwe’llgetyouputtowork.

I keep telling myself thisAshley purgatory at ourclubcan’tgoonforeverbutit’sacolddarknightthatisdriving away thousands ofourfriendsfromthestands.

Bah,enjoythisissue.

Keep On, Keepin’ On…

Of course it is no mystery why we are in this position. There has been consistent under-investment in the playing staff extending back years and one summer of half-decent investment isn’t going to quickly roll-back a mad period of Joe Kinnear as Director of Football and 12 months without signing a single first team player

thru black & white eyesSat Aug 08 Nought likestarting a new seasonwiththemackems3downto an ‘already relegatedLeicester’ (according tomany pundits) within 20mins. Keep up the goodwork, Dick! Cattermolefor England etc etc.Swansea also look deadhandy at Cheslea in aPremier League openingdaythatremindsmethatthe league is still jampackedwiths**t.

Aug 09 Well that wasbetter wasn’t it. An outof sorts Southampton,fresh from the EuropaLeague on ThursdayshouldreallyhavebeatenUnited, spurning twogreat chances but itwould have been harshon Steve McClaren’s newlook United. ChancelMbemba turned up in atuxandheandWinjaldumlooked decent with thelatter scoring a bit of a

non-traditional worldlyafteracrossfromGabrielObertan on his weakerfoot. Somethingtobuildonatleast.Onthesameday Arsenal hilariouslylose at home to WestHam.

Aug 11McClaren’spatteris that SJP is good andwe could have gotten all3 from the opening day.Thatfirstwinwouldhavebeen nice but I left SJPhappierthanprettymuchthe whole of last season.We had a style of playand a plan. The pressreckonMitrovicisaradge.He is, but he mistimed atackle, he didn’t kneecapsomeoneandthenstampontheirface.Longseasonfor our Serb. If he’s anygood the press will bedesperatetodiscredithimandus.

Aug 16Duetotheresultand more importantly

the performance againstSaints, I decided to driveto Swansea in an 8-seattaxiwithamate. Advice:don’tevertrustNewcastleUnited as NUFC werewell beaten with DarylJanmaat getting two softyellows and Swansearunningouteasywinners.Gary Monk is letting hismouth go off saying wetried to kick them. He’sa prick and wrong as wedidn’t get close enoughtoSwansea tokick them,evenwith11men.IHATETHISCLUB.

Aug 17UnitedsignyoungFrench internationalFlorian Thauvin for areported £13 milliontaking our summerspending to over £50million. It’s not enoughthough. More needed.ACB,CF,CM are all musts.By my count we’vesignedColback andAnitain 4 seasons as genuine

CM’s….onlyatNUFC.

Aug 19 McClaren isconvinced United areoperating on a differentleveltolastseason.We’llsee, Steve. Win somegamesfirst.Heseemstobe getting on with localjournos a lot better thanhispredecessorsandIlikethe cut of his jib. DarylJanmaat says sorry. Itwould be much easier tostay angry at him if hewasn’tsobloodygood.

Aug 22 United draw atOld Trafford and couldhavenickedit.WeplayedclassandMitromightjustbe the newAlan Shearer.Performances come inallover thepark andStevenTaylor is immense. Ofcourseheisnowinjuredforthe season or something,but cheers for that onegame, Steven. The levelof application shown onthe game, compared to

www.true-faith.co.uktf 6

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 7

every game underCarverwas worlds apart. We’restill playing the 4-2-3-1 formation that simplydoesn’t work at NUFC,but I’ll take a point atMan Utd any day. Whatimpressed me most wasthe players didn’t panic.Thauvinwas inches awayfromwinningit.3pointscould have been crucialwiththisstartwehave.

Aug 25 United get their‘cuprun’underwayagainstleagueTwoNorthamptonare run out comfortable4 1 winners with youngThauvin having quite thegame. De Jong gets astart and is decent. It’llnever last as he picks upmore injuries than SAFCdo managers. We drawSheffield Wednesday athome in the next round.Ouryear?

Aug 27McClarenasmuchas confirms United’stransfer business is doneandhe’shappywith it. Ihave my doubts. Let’sseewhatispatteriscomeOctober and November.If he goes into ‘we needtospendinJanuary’mode– I have my doubts over

his credibility consideringthe positive noises he’smaking right now whenthe squad is still sorelylackinginmostareas.

Aug 29AndreMarriner isabadrefandMitroisoutfor3games.Balls.

Aug30Mostofthenationis talking about Mitrovicand NUFC and saying itwasadefiniteredandit’snicetoseesomeonestickupforArsenal.Hilariouslygoontohave3mensentoff in 4 days after theinternationalbreak,whichisnice.Unitedhavefaceda tough start and pickedup2pointsfrom4games.Not great, but signs ofencouragement. The realstuff comes when theplayers return for gamesagainst West Ham andWatford. Don’t let usdown,lads.

11 SepWorrying reportsthatCisseandTiotehavebasically downed toolsat United, both unhappywith their contractualsituations. I don’t eventhinkTiote is a footballeranymore but consideringMitro is a target for s**t

refs everywhere so Cisseneeds to stay fit andfocussed,hisallegedeaseat missing meetings andtraining – are caused forconcern.

14 Sep United aresmashed at a mediocreWest Ham. The 4 2 31 fomration with Anita(not good enough) andColback (only any goodfurther up the pitch) justdoesn’t work. It didn’tworkforPardew.Itdidn’twork for Carver and itdidn’tworknow.Itdidn’twork at Swansea and itdidn#tworkhere. Reallyitdidn’tworkathometoArsenaleitheraswefailedtohave a shoton target.SortitoutSteve.

17 Sep Daryl Janmaat’sbeen wheeled out to themediaagain.ThatmeansCharnley and Bishop arepanicking. Janmaat onlytalkstouswhenhe’sbeena)sentoffb)taskedwithexplaining why his teammates are so bad, in alanguagewhichhedoesn’tcall his own. Watford ismassive.ChelseaandCityto come. We’ve had arockhardstart,nowisthe

timetoperform.

19 SepWefailtoperform

21 Sep I’mstillraging

23 Sep I’vecalmeddownenoughtogototheSheffWedgame.Theybring6k.Fair play. We shuld havebrought 11 footballers.McClaren is a joke. Hedoesn’t know what he’sdoing. Sheff Wed make11changesandbatterus.They should have wonby more. Season over.ChesleaandCitytocome.PissoffMcClaren–giventhe job on the basis ofbeingGraemeCarr’smate.3winsinhislast20gamesasamanager.Weplayedthe same S**TE 4 2 31formationagain.S**TE.It doesn’t work.We haveno defensive midfielders.We have no fast players.Winjaldum doesn’t haveacluewherehe’splaying.Thewholethingisajoke.Whatafarce.

25 Sep McClaren issorry. Chelsea look wellbad though, they’ll stillhammerus.AtleastMitrois back. Charnley emailsusalltosaysorryandthatwe shouldn’t panic cos

www.true-faith.co.uktf 8

they’vegotthis.AyerightLee.Youclown.We’res**t.Again.Your boss sais thiswasn’t going to happenagain,andithas.

27 SepUniteddrawwithChelsea in a game weshouldhavewon.Colbackwasimmensebeforegoingoff at HT – played in hisproperMIDFIELDposition,not standing in front ofthe back 4. Mitro is sogood. He’s 21 and playsthe lone target man likea 34 year who’s droppeddown the leagues andplayed1000games–thatsoundsnegativedoesn’tit.Ifyousawhimplay,you’dunderstand. We threwaway 2 points though.Chelsea deserved nought.City away next, we’ll gointothenextInternational

break bottom. At leastMcClaren ditched theterrible formation. 7gamestoolate.

30 Sep A slim HBA istearingitupinFranceforNice.Damn,itwasmucheasier for everyone whenhe was an overweight,under performing prick.NowIwanthimback.

2 Oct McClaren reckonsour 2 up front will causeMan City problems andbelieves we can end ourEtihad ‘hoodoo’ in theleague

3 OctWe don’t. Aguerogets 5 in like 89 secondsor something. WelldoneSergio. The funniest partofitallisthatfor40minsUnited were class, andjustbetterthanCity.The

linemsan should neverofficiateagainafterrulingoutagoalfor20thatwasonside.Wecanblamethelino for the loss, but notshipping 6 in quick time.Thesquadhasnoleaders,noheart.There’spromisebut littlemore than that.We’re bottom after 8games,whatoddsonthatchangingallseason?

10 Oct Wales andNorthern Ireland qualifyfor the Euros. F***ingget in lads. Eachcountryhas a population smallerthan Longbenton andnowthey’reofftoFrance.What an achievement.McCalren reckons he hasthebackingofthe‘board’(isn’theonit???)

16 Oct TimKrulisoutfortheseason.Sigh.Sosickof

this.Unitedsittopoftheinjurytable,again.It’sthesame every year. Buyingcheapplayerswithcheapinjury records, the wholething with United feelspointless. Derby ticketshave come through. I’mnotarsed.Nooneis.

19 October Fat Samloses his first match atSAFCaheadof thederby.Sunderlandhardlyhave ashot.

18 OctoberWellthatwasgood. United score 6 athome since 2010. Wewinby4forthefirsttimein well, ages? Counterattacking football is theorder of the day as anexposedNorwicharetornto shreds by a rampantUnited. Mitrovic’s goalis just about the most

thru black & white eyes

FREE MATCHDAY PROGRAMME

EMAILEDTOYOUEVERYMATCH

CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP FOR FREE!

OVER 12 FEET

OF FOOTBALL!*

The Special includes unique pieces

tailored to United games on the day

they are played and provide the perfect

match-day read.

We have a great crew of regular true faith writers

includingAlexHurst,GarethHarrison,WallaceWilson,

MarkBrophy,AaronStokes,GuyHannay-Wilson,Marc

Corby and Michael Martin who provide excellent

piecesontheupandcomingmatchofthedaybutalso

somecrackaboutwhatisgoingoninthewiderworld

offootball.

The Special reads perfectly well on any device you

can name but in our world its especially good on

smart-phones and is perfect reading sat on the

train,busMetro,horse-back,inthepuborbefore

thematchetc.

Like everything we do with true faith, it is

absolutely FREE.

Unlike the olden days you don’t need to seek

outoneofourfanzinesellersbeforethematch

orvisitanewsagentwhohassoldoutofcopies.

AllyouneedtodoisregisterandTheSpecialwill

beinyourin-boxbeforeyouwakeuponmatch-day.

One of the benefits of being a subscriber to The

Special isthatyouwillreceiveadvancewarningof

thenewissueoftruefaithcomingoutandthat

againisFREEofchargenowinitsdigitalformat.

TheSpecialisgoingtothousands

of Mags all over the world,

near and far, so why are

youmissingout?

*About that probably

SIGN UP HERE

SHOP NOW

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 11

attractive thing I’ve everseen. It’s a crucial winbecause,well,it’sthefirstbut also as this 6 gamesneedtoyield12pointsatleast to have any chanceofstayingup–andwe’vebagged 3. Sissoko wasinfuriatingly superb (isthere a better right sideintheleaguethanheandDaryl?).

Winjladum becomes thefirsttoscore4sinceSheareragainstWednesdayin’99.Mark Lawrenson says hedidn’tevenplaythatwell.Hedidplaythatwell.Hewas class. Also Unitedwereclass,waytoomanypeopleonaboutNorwichhitting the post twice.They were 5 2 down forthesecondone.

Sets things up nicely forthederby.

22 October The pre-derby bull-s**t machine

is in full flow with themackems on about theirrecent record and ourlot on about trying deadhardorsomething.Pleasejust don’t be s**t, again.Unitedhaveput ina fewdecent performances thisseason and next Sundayneeds to be one. Wealso shouldn’t be gettingbeatagainbythat lot,asthey’rejustsopoor.

McClaren says he’ll havea party when (if) we getto40points. Mostmagsare not amused after the‘top8’wasmentionedpreseason.Whatwillhedoifweget60points–4daybender?

October 23Me,tfEdandthe lads from ALS havea civil chat and a curryaheadoftheweekend.Theconsensus of the night:bothteamsares**t.

October 24 One more

sleep.BastardmiddayKOmeans early rises for allinvolved.

October 25Nope

October 26Wellthatwass**t, forentirelydifferentreasons. If anything, ithurtlessbutwassomuchmore galling after Unitedcontrolledthegamefromstart to finishand thanksto some inept refereeingofthehighest level–gotbeat.S**te.

Unlike the previous 5gamesnotasingleplayerdisgraced himself. I canseewhytherefgaveapen.Itwasn’tapen,butIdon’tblame the ref for takingthe easy decision. Whatyou can blame him forhis scandalously sendingoffColo.Weweredeniedacast ironpenaltyattheotherendofthepitchandit was a formality fromthere.Bastards.

United played well, the

new passing football

McClaren has persisted

with so much paying

obvious dividends and

really we should have

been2or3up. Itwasn’t

to be and Wearside is

in raptures. Relegation

beckonsforthemsurely.

October 28 Colo’s red

cardoverturned,correctly.

Can we play it again?

United are charged with

failing to control their

players over the decision

whichhasnowprovedto

beincorrect.Theironyof

itall

October 29JackColback,

ouronlyproperCM,isout

for months apparently.

Mint

ALEX HURST - FOLLOW

ALEX ON @tfalex1892

thru black & white eyes

www.true-faith.co.uktf 12

Optimism Thismightsoundalittlemental,butIdon’tactuallythinkthatthisseasonhasbeenasdisastrousasthemediawouldhaveusbelieve.Granted,wehavefailedtowinaleaguegamesofarandhaveonlymanagedthreepointsfromeightgames.ThrowinanearlyexitfromtheLeagueCupandthingsdon’tlooktoogoodonpaper,butIhavealreadyseenglimpsesofusplayingmuchbetterthisseasonthanatanytimeduringtheprevioustwo.Ihatetoacceptmediocritybut,Isupposeatthemoment,wehaveto.

The opening three gamesI didn’t realistically expectany points, so to get twowasabonusIthought.Sure,indaysgone,SouthamptonathomeandSwanseaawaywould be six easy points.Four at the worst. Butrecenthistorysaysdifferent;perhapstoughereventhese

days than visiting post-Ferguson Man U. AgainstArsenalathomeIthoughttheintentionsweregoodifnotnaiveanddespitenoteverreallythreatening,thefact we didn’t completelycapitulate after goingdown to ten men wasencouragingatleast.

AdmittedlytheWestHamandWatfordperformanceswerehugelydisappointing,andpointsdroppedagainstteamsweshoulddefinitelybe competing with.Therewere flashbacks to thelast few years watchinga lethargic, hapless shipsinking with nobody at

James Brown

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 13

the wheel, either on thepitchoroff it. I’mnot forone moment suggestingthat all our failings, andthe capability to beterrifyinglyawfulattimes,have magically vanishedovernight.ThesecondhalfatCityillustratingperfectlythatthereisstillplentyofroomforimprovement.

The first half of thatgame however, we gaveCity problems and wereeasily the better teamat home to Chelsea. ThereturnofMitrovicshowedhowmuchwehadmissedhim, he’s obviously abit of a head case butI think we have neededthat in our game for awhilenow.The last time Iwasremotelyproudoftheplayers wearing the shirtwasbackwhenthelikesofNolan, Barton and Carrollwerestillknockingaround.Matched with a welcomeboost of pace and youthfrom the likes of Perez,Mbabu and Mbemba andamorecomposed looking

midfield pairing of Anitaand Colback, the balanceand shape of the teamlooksmuchmoresound.

Unfortunately,withyouth,thereisthedangerofheadsdroppingtooquicklywhenthings don’t go our way,and a lack of experienceand confidence to calmdown and rely on thebasics.Relinquishingatwogoal lead at home withthose first three pointstantalisingly close, andconcedinggoalseithersideofhalftimeinManchesterseemed to hit the ladshard.The best lessons arealwaysthehardesttolearnandwecanonlyhopetheteamwillemergestrongerandmoreresilientforit.

And I do quite likeMclarentoo;hewasn’tthefashionablechoicetotakethehotseatbuthiscareersuggests he is a managerout of the old-schoolwithout any unnecessaryflashandswagger.Healsothrives on developing a

team around the kind ofpotential we now haveat St James Park. If hecan get anything out ofWijnlandum, Thauvin andDe Jongwhilst continuingto push those that havealready impressed, wemight be on the way tohavingahalfdecentteam.These next two gamesafter the internationalbreakwillofcoursebethetruemeasureofhowthingsare going, and perhaps ina couple of weeks someof my positivity will bewaning.Hopefullythough,before the inevitable axestarts looming overhead,the manager can delivermoresignsthatthingsareactually moving in therightdirection.

P.S. Ignore everything you’ve just read. At the time of writing, Tim Krul has been ruled out for the season and, of course, the mackems have done their usual party trick of swapping managers just in time to beat us.

...the fact we didn’t completely capitulate after going down to ten men was encouraging at least.

Beforewelookatanythingelse,thehorribleandpainfulrealityisthatwehavelost6derbiesinarowandletin13goalsscoringonly1inreturn.Thatissouldestroyinganddepressingandisevenmoregallingwhenyoulookatthequalityoftheoppositionoverthose6games.Sunday’sgamewastheexceptionratherthantheruleinthelast6defeats.Iwokeupthismorningandstillcan’tbelievethatwelostagamewhereweplayedallofthefootballandlookedliketheonlyteamlikelytoscorefor47ofthefirsthalf’s48minutes.That,however,istheproblem.

On reflection, regardless

of whether you think it

was a penalty or not,

Collocinigavethechance

for an inexperienced

and weak referee to

give a decision that was

massivelyinfluencedbya

boisterous home support

behindthegoalandright

in his face. Never mind

Fletcher chuckinghimself

around like a rag doll or

whetherashouldercharge

isstillalegalchallengein

football,wegavehimthe

chance to give a penalty

when we were in charge

and bossing a weaker

team all over the park.

Whatcamenextwasthe

tf 14 www.true-faith.co.uk

TED EDWARDS

DERBY DISASTER

bollockspart.Thedecisionto send Collocini off waswrong, simple as that. ItwasarguablethatFletcherwouldn’thaveevengottothe ball, never mind hadthe‘opportunity’toscoreas he was heading awayfrom goal and any touchwouldhavetakentheballeither towards thecornerflag or out of play. Andfortherecord,IthinkthatElliot would have easilygot to the ball beforeanyone else and just fellon it. S**t decision andonethatincensedplayers,staff and fans in equalmeasure but again, wegavethe‘weakaspiss’refthechancetomakeitandthatreflectsbadlyonourdecisionmaking.Thecoldhard fact is that we lostthe second half 2-0 aswelleventhoughwewerestilltheonlysidetryingtoplayfootball.Anunmarkedmackematthebackpostforthesecondandahalf-heartedsofts**tepullingout of challenge leadingtothethirdwereallthingswhere we could havemade a difference – thatand Mitro missing at 1-0whichwouldhavemadeamassive difference. Don’tget me wrong, we wereunfortunatebutwedidn’thelpourjustandrighteouscauseontheday.

It’seasytowritethisstuffthe day after the gamemind you. If I’d written900 words yesterday itwould most probablyhave been 900 swearwordswithascatteringof‘mackembastards’thrown

in for good measure.Themain thing forme isthat we cut out the daftdecisions and play withthe kind of control thatweshowedinthefirst47minutes of the derby. Alittle cutting edge wouldbe welcome, especiallywith good investment inJanuary but if we aren’tcareful, we will be stilltalking about cominggoodall thewayupuntilwe are cut adrift in thebottomthreeandit’stoolatetodoanythingaboutit. Optimism is good butwe need results and weneed them soon. I thinkwe have a much bettersquad than last year butit has to start gettingwins in thebag.Thenextfew games offer us thechance to do that butenough talking – just getthreepointsregularlyandeverythingwillbealright.

As to the mackems,good luck to them butif they think they are ona roll based on Sunday,theyare sadlymisguided.Theyareaverypoorsidewith limited ability andan owner who seemsreluctanttokeepthrowinggood money after bad.We can put them to theswordinMarchandputafew things right but theyhaveapsychologicalholdover us at the momentwhichishardtobreak.Weneed a team with steal,good decision makingand the odd bit of paceand flair to create andtake chances. This gameisn’t complicated no

matter how complicated

peoplemakeitandhaving

football people make

football decisions at the

club would give us the

best chance of success

(radical thought I know)

but I’m not holding my

breath.Unitedneedtoget

on a roll and get out of

the s**te at the bottom

of the Premier League

table and do it quickly.

Otherwise,anotherseason

of relegation fighting

and misery will ensue.

If this keeps going until

Januarythen Icanseeus

haemorrhagingevenmore

supportandevenAshley’s

desperateliesonthefinal

day on Sky won’t make

anydifferencetotheway

people feel. This isn’t a

reaction to the derby

defeat at all but more a

realisation that we have

been more patient with

McClarenthananyrecent

manager I can think of

(especially at SJP) but if

wekeephangingoutHead

Coaches or Managers (or

whatever we call them)

out to dry, then people

will find something else

todowiththeirtimeand

money.

Put it rightbetweennow

andthenexttimeweplay

themandwhenwehump

them in March, we can

helpsecuretheirrelegation

instead of surrendering

another threepoints that

keepsthemup.

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 15

www.true-faith.co.uktf 16

“Cisse has had it for me too. Given his chance tonight and buggered it up with an open goal.Shove your ‘lack of confidence’ up your arse”

ThiswastweetedbymeshortlyaftersufferingatextbookPardewhumping4-0atthehandsofSpurs.Perhapswithanelementofkneejerkangerattachedtoit,howeverIwasverymuchattheendofmytetherhearing‘confidence’excusesspanningforknockingontwoyearsasthereasonwhyourNumberNinehadfailedtoreproducethestunningformshowninhisfirstseasonplayingforUnited.

Fast-forward 18 months,and my feelings towardsCisse have not changed.The ‘confidence’ excuseshave eventually subsidedfrom his staunchsupporters, as they comeround to the fact thatCisse’s huge flaws inconsistency are actuallydowntoanallroundlackofability.Addtothattheplayers well publiciseddiscontent of being onTyneside currently, andhisfeature inthestartinglineup has been overstayed.

BeforeIgetcriticisedforbeing too overly criticalandunappreciativeoftheSenegalese striker, I feelit important to provide acertain aspect of balance

to this argument. Cisse’sgoalscoring ratio sincesigning in 2011 is veryadmirable – albeit notamazing. 42goals in110appearances on the faceof it, demonstrates aplayerwitha real strikersinstinct. Infact-therewasastageinthelatterpartsof last season that he abetter minutes per goalratiothananyotherplayerin the Premier League.In truth – without thecontribution of Cisse lastseason, you could makea canny assumption thatwe would be plying ourtradeintheChampionshipthis season. Furthermore– I can happily say I waspresent at StamfordBridge to witness thebest goal scoring brace

in my living memory,whenCisse continued hisexplosiveforminthe lastenjoyableseasonwehaveexperiencedasfans.

LookingdeeperintoCisse’s‘contribution’ however,does paint a picture,whichisfarmorecomplexthan simply claiming wehave a top class strikeron our hands whom wecouldn’t live without.Weareastrugglingteam,andin a world where we arelooking to play a morefluid and passing gameunder McClaren (to veryvarying levelsof success),its crucial that we havea team of players whopossess technical ability,footballing intelligence,and quite simply-offer

COME IN NO.9 YOUR TIME IS  UP RICHARD SMITH - Follow @richysmith100

more than just being a‘finisher’.OtherthanCissenot necessarily being theclinical finisher is goalsrecord suggests he mightbe (more on that later),helacksbasicskillsofnotjust a forward – but alsotop-level footballers. Iwatched the recent awaydefeat toWest Ham andwas astounded by thenumber of times I sawCissefailtoevenchallengeforheaders,hisreluctanceto attempt to bringmidfieldersintoplay–notto mention his ongoingpersonal confusion withthe offside rule. I agreethat the lone front manrole is not his bag, andquitefranklyitsdisturbinghowMcClarenstillappearsto have not fully caught

ontothis.However,whenIseeslightfiguressuchasAyoze Perez holding theball up with his back togoal with relative ease,I shake my head at thefactthatCissecompletelylacks competence inthis department. I sawAlexandarMitrovićatOldTrafforddropintomidfieldand run with ease withthe ball at his feet –making a fool of WayneRooney in the process,before distributing itwide to a midfielder.Cananyone remember thelast time Cisse looked ascomfortabledribblingwiththe ball? An absolutelyanonymous displayagainstWatford saw himhauled off at half time– largely driven by the

fact he failed to involvehimself in the game andwent into hiding. Thebottomlineisasastriker-if you aren’t getting theservice you want, youhavetohavemoreaboutyou in trying to makethingshappen.Forme itssimply not good enoughjust to chuck out thatexcusewhenthingsaren’tgoingyourway.Revertingback to my earlier point–therearealsoanumberofoccasionswhenCisse’sfinishingleavesalottobedesired.You only neededto have watched his firsthalf chances againstWatfordtorecognisethis.

In my end of seasonarticle for True Faith – Ievaluatedtheplayersthat

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 17

An absolutely anonymous display against Watford saw him hauled off at half time – largely driven by the fact he failed to involve himself in the game and went into hiding

www.true-faith.co.uktf 18

Newcastle should moveon, and in looking at thereasons for calling it aday on Cisse, it was theplayersoverallunreliabilityfrom an appearancesstandpoint. Through acombinationofinjuriesandbrainless suspensions, ourmainstrikeronlymanagedtwenty-two appearancesin all competitions lastcampaign.ThishasbeenarecurringthemeduringhisoveralltenureonTyneside,with injuries in particularoftenaseriousproblem.Infact- as I sit here writingthis piece now, news hasfiltered through that theplayer has picked up aback problem which willsee him miss tomorrowscrucial cup tie againstSheffield Wednesday. Likeotherplayersinoursquad(Taylor, De Jong, Tiote) –our woeful performancein recent times has beenmassively hampered by araft of frequent offendersissuing sick notes at will.With a squad clearly stillunfitforpurposeincertaindepartments, we cannot

afford to rely on playerswith such poor fitnessrecordsagainandagain.

It has been heavilysuggested from variousquarters this past twoweeks that Papiss is farfromcontentonTyneside,andhasbeeneyeingupamove elsewhere for sometime.At the age of thirty,heprobably thinkshehasone last big pay day leftin him and the continuedlinkswiththeMiddleEastcertainly show there ismore than just a bit ofsmoke in those reports.The truth of the matteris – Cisse’s applicationboth on and (allegedly)off the pitch has furtherhighlighted a player who(like others in the squad)wouldratherbeelsewhere.This begs the questionas to why, with only acouple years left on hiscontract, did we not tryandcash inon theplayerandinvestinsomeoneelsethis summer? I’ve beenon record in this fanzinespecifying my admirationforCharlieAustin,andwas

desperate for us to makea real go of bringing theEnglishstrikertotheNorthEast.Austinpossessesallofthequalitiesofanoutandoutcenterforward.Abletohold up a ball effectively,comfortable running atdefenders, and with animpressivePremierLeaguegoalsreturn,playingfortheworstsideinthedivision

For what may seem likea fairly damning articleof our striker, it wouldbe remiss of me not toacknowledge Cisse’scontributioninablackandwhite shirt. He has beenanimportantplayerforusinwhathaslargelybeenatorrid period in the clubshistory, and in the main-he has demonstratedcommitment and passionfor the club. The timehas come however forus to thank him for hiscontribution and seek torecruit somebody with amore all round game andwho can give us the goalscoringcenter forwardweneedtodriveusforward.

For what may seem like a fairly damning article of our striker, it would be remiss of me not to acknowledge Cisse’s contribution in a black and white shirt. He has been an important player for us in what has largely been a torrid period in the clubs history

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 19

 

Long standing true

faith writer, Tony

Higgins who regular

readerswillrecognise

from his Real Spain

articles has his first

bookoutnow.Travel

with Tony through

the undergrowth

of Spanish football

and life for only

£4:99.Onlyindigital

format.

EachseasonFCSt.PaulioftheBundesliga2.playanexhibitionngameattheirMilerntorStadiuminHamburg.FormallyithasbeenBesiktas(whichprovespopularwithGermany’shugeTurkishpopulation),andCelticwithwhomtheyhavefanfriendshipswith.

FC.St.Pauliusedthisgame

to try out a line up that

would look like the one

expected to face Arminia

Bielefeldontheopeningday

a week later after a series

ofwarmupgamesagainst

local sides as well as trips

to Austria and Denmark.It was announced, on theother hand, that RayoVallecano would field twoseparate teams of elevenforeachhalf.

Withjustover9000insidethe Milerntor, including

FC St. Pauli 4-2 Rayo Vallecano,18July2015-14:30-Millerntor-Stadion,Hamburg

a couple of hundredVallecano sympathisers,in good spirits enjoying arelaxed atmosphere withthe vast majority of fansenjoyingabeeronthesun-kissedstandingterraces.

Once the smoke clearedfrom the Spaniard’sflares the game wasunderwaywithbothteams

MICHAEL BRADLEY 

www.true-faith.co.uktf 20

inexplicably wearing whiteshirts. St. Pauli controlledthe play throughout thefirst half with it certainlyshowing that they were afew weeks nearer the bigkickoff than their Spanishcounterparts. It took onlyseven minutes until somesharp but simple passingallowedSebastianMaiertotap in from close range.Pauli continued to dictateplay throughout the firsthalf with Sobiech andGuenter making it 3-0beforethebreak.

Despite the second halfstartinginmuchthesameway with Leonart Thymakingitfour,Rayofoughtback in the 51st and 71stminutewithRaulUcheandAlex Moreno respectively.Action amongst thisincluded two yellowcards resulting in a redfor descent for the sameRayo player in the spaceofabout20secondsandamissedpenaltyforSt.Paulias Halstenburg missed a

chance to make it five byputtinghispenaltywideofthegoalkeeper’sleftpost.

In an entertaining matchthere was much moreaction than I’ve come toexpect from most friendlygames you’re likely to goto. However, regardless ofwhatwasgoingononthepitch the organisation ofthe whole event that sawa stage set up for a postmatchconcertoutsidethegroundwherebothsetsoffanswereappropriatelyfedandwateredwithsausagesandbeer.Thefactthatthetwogroupsoffansweresoeagertoenjoyeachother’scompany is no surprisewhen you consider thecultures that surround thetwoclubs.

ThereareplentyofcolumninchesspentonFCSt.Pauliwith varying degrees ofaccuracy and ‘journalistic’license. For me, the storygoes, in short, somethingalong the lines that in the

late 1980s groups of leftleaning squatters, theirsupporters and a thrivingpunk scene began topopulate the terraces andhave since attracted fanslocally, nationally andinternationally who wouldalso like to be part of afanbasethatfightsagainstracism, homophobia,sexismand fascism inandoutside of football. That’snot to say that theydon’tdraw the majority of theirsupportlocally(foramoredetailed history take alook at Nick Davidson’s‘Pirates, Punks & Politics’).Theclub,alongwithvariousfan groups work tirelesslyonprojects supporting theimmediate community.Similarly, it was widelyreported last Novemberthat Rayo Vallecano havepromisedtopaytherentofan evicted local pensioner.They also have releasedtheir third kit this seasonwith their traditionalsash in rainbow colours

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 21

Once the smoke cleared from the Spaniard’s flares the game was underway with both teams inexplicably wearing white shirts. St. Pauli controlled the play throughout the first half with it certainly showing that they were a few weeks nearer the big kick off than their Spanish counterparts.

of which £5 of each salewill be split among anti-discrimination charities.Anti-fascist flags wereprominent within bothsets of support, andalwaysare.

DespitebeingworldsapartI can’t help but comparethese two clubs withNewcastle. Particularly inthetimeMikeAshleyhasbeenatthehelm.

Since 2007 Newcastlehave been relegated,they have renamed thestadium, put a legal loanshark over the sacredBlack & White stripes,refused to compete incup competitions andmanaged to qualify forEuropeonlyonce.

Whilst Rayo Vallecanoand St. Pauli work with,service and representtheir communitiestremendously, even if itishelpedbythefactthatevery club in Germany

must be owend at least51% by it’s members.BackonTyneside,theclubis run foronepersonandone person only: MikeAshley.Weatheritspurelyfor financial gain or hisownpersonalegooramixofthembothIdon’tknow.The fact is that the waythe club has been run issimplynotintheinterestsof its supporters or thecommunityitismeanttorepresent.

Mike Ashley is an uglysymptom of the PremierLeague and the sickeningamountofmoneyinvolvedin it. In return for thisI’m lead to believe thatwe get to see the bestplayersinthebestleagueintheworld.Thequestionfor me is: Is it all worthit?SinceAshleyhasbeenatUnitedduetominimalinvestment in the squadthey have had just onegood season. This meanswe are getting the bad

sideof themoderngamewithout the promisedcompensation you wouldexpectasafan,especiallyfrom one of the richestmen in thecountry.WiththisinminditisabsolutelynosurprisethatclubslikeNorthShieldsnowattractaheftyandvocalfollowingasmanyNorthTynesidershave found somewhereelse to display their civicpride within football. Iloved seeing the teamandfanschanting“NE29!”aftertheirFAVasesuccessatWembley.

Don’tgetmewrong.IhadagreattimeinLisbonandBordeauxasIknowmanyothers did in Brugge,KharkivandMoscow,anditismygenuinebeliefthatthere is nothing betteras a fan to travel acrossEurope with your matesto watch NewcastleUnited. We must surelyadmit now though, thatthat isn’t something that

www.true-faith.co.uktf 22

it is absolutely no surprise that clubs like North Shields now attract a hefty and vocal following as many North Tynesiders have found somewhere else to display their civic pride within football

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 23

interests those in chargeatNUFC.

Even when the ownerhimselfhascomeoutandsaid he isn’t leaving untilthey win something allI hear is that he’s notleaving. Especially whenPremier League moneycontinues to increaseto more and moreastronomicallevels.Attheendoflastseasonhecameon TV and spoke to us.A one-way conversationafter months of requestsfor genuine progressivecommunication justdoesn’tcutit.

I know many are justgoing out of routine,that’s what they do atweekends, and that’s justfine apart from us, as afan base, deserve morethan that. I know I don’tneed topatroniseyoubyexplaining or persuadingyou to believe that SkySportsandtheirsocalledexperts are a long way

off the mark when theyrefertoNewcastlefansasbeingdemanding.

Many fans have packedit in or pick and choosewhich matches to goto and are ironicallyreluctant togiveup theirseasonticketsdue to theamount of loyalty pointstheyhaveearnedovertheyears.

St. James’ Park and it’scommunity of supportersare awash in a sea ofmalaise created bytelevision money viaMike Ashley. We have aproud tradition of greatplayers and a fantastic,passionate fan base. RayVallecanoandFCSt.Paulialso have a passionatefan base even if theydon’t have a history ofparticularly great playerslike United do. However,they have something wedon’t.They can be proudof their club right now,in this moment. They

have a foundation uponwhich they can make adifferencetothedirectionin which their club goes,and this is something St.Paulifanshavehadtofightfor on many occasions.As Newcastle fans wedon’t have any of this.Evenwithoutthepoliticalangle, I would love oneday to see the club treatitscommunitywithsomekind of respect.As clichéas it is, the club meansnothingwithoutus.

Idon’tknowexactlywhatstepsshouldbetakenbuttaking a leaf out of RayVallecanoandFCSt.Pauli’sbook certainly wouldn’tdoanyharm.Anicestartwould be investment inthe squad that reflectsupporters’ ambition andtheowner’sbankbalance.

Another thing I don’t know: What’s the point in being a supporter of Mike Ashley’s Newcastle United?.

They have a foundation upon which they can make a difference to the direction in which their club goes...

www.true-faith.co.uktf 24

Me?AfterfallinginlovewithfootballwhenEnglandwontheWorldCup,myDadtookmetomyfirstNewcastleUtdgameonApril27th1967asabirthdaypresent.ItwasmoretoseeWestHamatSt.JamesParkbecausetheyweremeanttoincludeBobbyMoore,MartinPetersandmyfirsteverhero,GeoffHurstthanthehomeside.Unitedwon1-0,butmymemorytellsmeatleasttwooftheWestHamtriodidn’tmakeanappearancethatday;butthehugenoisycrowdmadesuchadeepimpressionthatkeepsbringingmeback48yearslater.

tf BOOK REVIEW

Touching Distance, by Martin Hardy

Mythirdgamewasthefollowing year whenhe took me to RokerPark for the Derbymatch when JohnMacNamee swungonthecrossbarattheFulwellEnd;talkaboutabaptismoffire!

The following 45years have seen alotmoredownsthanups. For most of mylife,‘we’weremostlya yo-yo club; withsuccessive boardsof directors beingfinancially happywith the big gatesthat a relegation/promotion battledrew at SJP; ratherthan investingtheir own moneyto compete withthe ‘big lads’. As aNewcastlefanIneverexpected anything

else other until….. untilKevin Keegan signed forTheToonin1982!

Martin Hardy’s bookTouching Distance beginswith KK’s magical debutagainst QPR then goeson to tell the tale of themagnificent blip in theclub’shistorythatfollowedthedaySirJohnHallshookthe world of football byannouncing that KevinKeegan would replaceOssieArdilles as managertenyearslaterin.

Anex-Seasonticketholder,MartingivesusanewangleonalotofthestoriesthatarenowpartofGeordiefolkloreby getting the players, theChairman and a couple ofperipheral characters tore-tell these tales from aninsidersperspective.

Thebookispartbiographyandpartthrillerbutmost

ALAN HARRISONFollow @harrisonaphotos

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 25

ofall a love story.A lovestorybetweenfans,aclub,agroupoffootballersandmost of all a charismaticmanager that wasreciprocatedinawayveryfew will understand andevenfewerwillrepeat.

Because the story isreally about four well-documented seasons,TouchingDistancegallopsalongatafairoldpaceinwhatliterarycircleswoulddescribe as ‘a real pageturner.’

Asonewhowas‘there’forthemajorityofthematches(home AND away), it’sfascinating reading theplayers’ perspectives onwhat happened before,during and after certainpivotalmatches.Myownmemory can be vagueat times; for instance Ialways thought Tino’sdebut was at AyresomePark, Middlesbrough but

thebookssays itwastheRiverside.Iwillbowtothemeticulous research putinbyMartinandthefontof all things NewcastleUnited–MikeBolamfromnufc.combutIwas100%sure.

Ihaveafewcriticisms;buttheypaleintoinsignificanceagainstthestoryitselfofaclub and a team writtenoff before a ball had beenkickedinanger.

Thefirstofmyannoyancesconcerns the amountof swearing litteredthroughout the interviews.I’m no prude and I wouldexpect the use of theF-word would have beenfreelyusedintheinterviews;but this book will be readbyUnited fansof all ages.So some judicial editingcouldhavefilteredalotofthatoutmaking itamoreaccessiblebookforyounger(andolder)fans.

Anotherthingistheuseofcapital lettersonthefirstline of each chapter, ora new subject regardlessof whether the actualsentence has ended ornot. It’s not the end oftheworld;butitmademyteethitcheverytime.

While I was alwaysappreciate Sir John Halland Freddie Shepherd’sleadership at this timesome of Sir John’s‘stories’ get betterwith the telling; andMartin takes everythingas verbatim, withoutquestioning anything.I realise that this bookisn’t a forensic appraisalof their management ofNewcastle United; butMartin comes across asa little bit star struckwhen interviewing theex-Chairman. Sooner orlater someone will writea warts ‘n all biography

The book is part biography and part thriller but most of all a love story. A love story between fans, a club, a group of footballers and most of all a charismatic manager that was reciprocated in a way very few will understand and even fewer will repeat.

www.true-faith.co.uktf 26

of this period in theclub’shistoryand that isanother book I’d love toread!

Last but not least is thevirtual airbrushing fromhistory the part thatfanzines played in theclub’s resurgence at thattime. In particular TheMag, which was at theforefront of everythingthat happened duringtheseyears,givingfansaforumforthefirsttimeintheir lives to discuss themachinationsoffollowingNewcastle United. Ourpremierfanzineonlygetsone mention and that’sfor selling the BobbyLee for England t-shirts.Personally I think anopportunity was missed

here; especially whenParalympian StephenMiller gets a chapter tohimself, as does GrahamFenton whose claim tofame was scoring a goalagainst us for BlackburnRovers; denting the titlechase.

Back to the good stuff. Igenuinelygotmistyeyedseveral times readingex-players talk abouttheir first impressions ofNewcastle andwhy theystillhavetheareaintheirhearts.

We weren’t short ofheroes in those fourshort years were we?DavidKelly,BrianKilcline,WarrenBartonandDarrenPeacock are virtuallyforgotten now; but all

played integral parts inNewcastle United atthat timeandget to telltheiroften-hilarioustalesagainnow.

Steve Howey’s story isparticularly poignant, asI’dgenuinelyforgothewasfromtheDarkPlace.Thenwe hear from Pavel whoI’d have thought playedevery game possible inthis period, but he wasactually the ‘nearlyman’ being Number2 to a variety of othergoalkeepers; includingTommy ‘The Barman’Wrightand‘Super-Duper’Mike Hooper as well asShakaHislop. Idareyoureadabouthisupbringingwithout sniffling; andwhen Clarkie gives him

I dare you read about his upbringing without sniffling; and when Clarkie gives him that ‘Pavel is a Geordie’ T-shirt it will have you punching the air with joy.

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 27

that ‘Pavel is a Geordie’T-shirt it will have youpunchingtheairwithjoy.

Strangely, there aren’t asmany photos here as I’dhave expected; but eachoneisabeautyandtookme back in time like aGeordieTardis.

The first two thirds ofthe book are a bit stop-start, going backwardsand forwards setting thescene for ‘that season’1995-96.

A couple of chaptersareabitdull; but that isonly when you comparethemtostoriesbySirLes,Robert Lee, Daveed andTino;buttheonethatwilltug at your heartstringsthemostisactuallyPeterBeardsley’s. I’ve heardPeter twice at talk-ins;but when his storiesare written down theyreallydograbyoubythethroat. When I read hischapter I annoyed Mrs’HbypausingEmmerdalethreetimesbecauseI‘hadto’ read several poignantparagraphs out loudto her. Who knew the

Forest Hall postie knewBeardsley was signingfor the Toon before hisparentsdid?

Then you eventually getto the final third of thebook.Theimportantpart,thepartofthestorywhichisabout‘thatseason’youknow,‘the12pointone.’

Once I got embroiled inthese chapters I couldn’tputthebookdownandatleasttwiceIfoundmyselfthinking ‘we can still dothis!’

When we get to thefinal two weeks; thegames come thick andfastculminatingwiththeaftermath of the LeedsUtd match and ‘thatTVinterview’Kevingave.

Terry Mac’s account ofevents is excellent ashe puts everything intoperspectiveafteralltheseyears. I’ve defended KK’sspeech hundreds oftimes,tellinganyonewhowouldlistenthatitwasn’ta melt down because itwas actually a ‘call toarms.’ Ifhe’daskedusto

invadePolandthatnight;wewouldhavemobilisedthe troops in BarrackRoad without a secondthought. Even Man Utdfansbelievemenow.

Well,historytellsmewedidn’t win the title butby golly gosh we gaveit a good go and wewon the hearts of everyfootball fan in the landandbeyonddidn’twe?

In every chapter and onever page every singleperson involved talkswithhugeadmirationandlove for Kevin Keegan;evenSirJohnHalladmitsto having to hand thereigns(andhis(Ed:“our”)chequebookover)toKK.

In the spirit of thoseyears Touching Distanceis a roller coaster of aread; and well wortheverypennyofthecoverprice. It may not winthe William Hill SportsBookPrizebutI’mprettydamn sure it will arrivedown tens of thousandsof Geordie chimneyscourtesy of Santa ClausonDecember25th.

AswellasenjoyingAlan’sreviewofTouchingDistanceyoumightbeinterestedinlisteningtothePodcastrecordedfortruefaithwiththeauthor,theTFeditorMichaelMartinandPod-Meister,AlexHurst.

The Author with Pav

More info at touchingdistance.com

Thejuryisverymuchoutonwhether his appointmentis a step forward for theclub.Itprobablywillbeforthemajorityoftheseason.Similar to the receptionthat greeted Alan Pardew(who was relegated withCharlton Athletic), manyare pointing to two ofMcClaren’s most notablefailures. Namely, thoseat Wolfsburg (a winpercentage of just 29%)and Nottingham Forest(23%winpercentage). It’sasimplestatementoffactthat all appointments area risk and that the vastmajorityofmanagershavefailures. Brian Clough wassacked by Leeds Unitedafter just 44 days. AlexFerguson came very closetodismissalatManchesterUnitedin1989.TosomeofthefansitseemsanythinglessthanJoseMourinhoisafailure.

A quick glance at variousfans forums and manywere lambasting the newboss for his commentabout Newcastle strivingto be back among‘Europe’selite’.Thisveneerof hypocrisy reigns trueamongstmanyNewcastlefans. IfMcLarenhadbeenmuch more measuredin his remarks, he wouldhave been lambastedfor the apparent lack ofambition that has beensymptomatic of theAshley reign.McLarenhasachieved much successat club level. He broughtMiddlesbrough to leaguecupgloryin2004(stilltheclub’sonlymajortrophytodate) and the 2008 Uefacupfinal.HewontheDutchleague title with Twente(the club’s only leaguetitleevertodate).Bothnomean feats with limitedresources. However, it is

important tonote thatatMiddlesbrough, McClarenhad a very supportivechairman in SteveGibsonto rely upon during moretesting times. Incidentallya chairman that wasvery much open todialogue with supporters,something Newcastle hasgoneaboutrectifyingwiththe monthly email fromSteve McClaren aboutrecent goings on at St.James’Park.

What really causedmuch divisionamongstthefanslast season, andthatappearstohave carriedinto thisseason,wasthe former‘ P a r d e wOut’ brigadeall but vanishedonce the glaringly

www.true-faith.co.uktf 28

TOUGH CROWD

THOMASMORRIS

We received this piece just after the Southampton game and although a bit of water has gone under the Toon Bridge since then, we still think it’s worth a good read as it is a very well-written piece and a good argument.

Theaftermathofasummer,whichasMikeAshleypromised,wasnotdevoidofactivityatNewcastleUnited,beganonSundaywithacredibletwoalldraw against last season’s surprise package, Southampton. Any residualsympathy for thememoryof JohnCarverandSteveStonehadvanishedquickly with an encouraging first half display. New signing GeorginioWinjdalumquicklyendearedhimselftothefanssoonafterhalftimewithaquite sensationalheader.Despite this,newmanager, sorryheadcoach,SteveMcClarenseemedtobefranticallyreachingforthephoneateverybreakinplay.RumourshisGeordieaccentisalreadyalmostasbroadofPaulGascoigne’shaveyettobeconfirmed.

The reception that greeted the players at full-time seems to suggest even the permanently disillusioned are willing to give McClaren time and at least a small chance.

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 29

obvious inadequacy ofJohn Carver becameapparent. Ludicrously,many have now tried toclaim they only wantedPardew to depart onthe assumption thatCarver was not to be thereplacement.Thisissimplynot true. The receptionthatgreetedtheplayersatfull-timeseemstosuggesteven the permanentlydisillusionedarewilling togiveMcClarentimeandatleastasmallchance.

The problem McClarenfaces is one of approvalandaspiration.Someofthedelusional and idealisticvisions are beyond allproportionality andrealism. Older observerswill point to times pastwhentheclubwasinmuchasimilarposition,suchtheGordon McKeag years.Yes, Kevin Keegan wowedus all and surpassed thefans wildest expectationsof achievement, butit is highly unlikely anymanager could replicatethis consistently in thecurrentclimateoffinancial

inequality, despite glibpromises from Ashley.The 5th placed finishunder Bobby Robson,was at the time seen asabject failure, memoriesof beating Juventus theprevious season still alltoo vivid. As one fanzinebluntly put it some yearsago, wouldn’t we all killfora5thplacefinishnow?(Didn’t someone achievethatforNewcastlenotsolong ago?). The questionis, and always will be,whatmanagerbetterthanPardew,andnowMcClaren,would have realisticallytaken a position to workunder who they see as ademonstrably unreliabledictator such as MikeAshley?

The size of the club andpassion of the fans is notenough to woo would bemanagers in the modernclimate. Ultimately, whenit comes to enticing newmanagers, it breaks downto three key facets. 1).to what extent will themanager have control oftransfers and 2). What

level of funds will beavailableand3)whatwageceiling, if any, is in place?In the case of Newcastleand many other premierleague clubs, there existsa transfer committee,whichledbyGrahamCarrhas achieved reasonablesuccess in the last fewyears. Many managersin our recent past, forexample Graeme SounessandSamAllardyce,provedutterly incompetentwhengiven a free reign ontransfers.Butthenagain,itwasDenniswisewhogavetheclubXiscoandIgnacioGonzalez. McClarenappears to relish the roleof Head Coach. Perhapsthetransfermarketcanbean unwelcome distractionfor managers. Is it justcoincidence Arsenal havestruggled in the yearssince David Dein left theclub and Wenger had anincreased workload intermsoftransferdealings?

This samequestionaboutMcClaren’s suitability canalso be applied to MikeAshley. Do the fans really

The problem McClaren faces is one of approval and aspiration. Some of the delusional and idealistic visions are beyond all proportionality and realism.

wantanythingbutAshley?The profligate waste thatwent on under FreddyShepherd, is all too oftenforgotten. A man who‘bleeds black and whiteblood’ paid himself ahandsome salary, all thewhilesneeringatfanswhobought replica shirts, tobring the club the brinkof total financial oblivion.Whilst Ashley has hisshortcomings,appointingaformer,albeitunsuccessful,England manager hardlycontinues the perceivedlack of aspiration whichhas dogged his tenure asownertodate.

It isoften trottedoutbutonethinksoftheplightofLeedsUnited, the starkestexampleinEnglishfootballofhowoverambitionandlack of financial prudencecan have dire and farreachingconsequencesfora football club.The hatedKen Bates discarded, fansexpectations rocketedwith the takeover firstlybyGFHfinancethenlaterby Massimo Cellino. 12months and 4 managers

since Cellino’s arrival, theclubisarguablyinamuchworse position now thanwhenBatesleft,maroonedinthesecondtierofEnglishfootball indefinitely itseems.

Seasonaftersorryseason,theaccusationisfrequentlylevelledattheclub,andbyimplication its owner, bythe fans is that they areunique in being a ‘selling’club.Are they really?Thefact is, outside of RealMadrid,Barcelona,Chelseaand possibly the twoManchesterClubs,allclubsareultimatelysellingclubs.Lookattheplayersarsenalhave sold over the years,Vera, Henry, Llundberg,Over mars, Fabregas, VanPersie tonamebuta few.These all-encompassingfranchiseshavethefinancetobuyplayersfromusdueto their massive financialclout. Manchester Cityare backed by sovereignstate for goodness sake.ThisleadsontoMcClarenbeingaccusedyetanotherinalonglineof‘Yes’men.Without meaning to

patronise, Mike Ashley istheirbossandtheirworkingunder conditions theyagreed to. Football is anindustryandmanagementis simply a type ofemployment within saidindustry. As anyone whohas worked in a stressfulenvironment will testify,constantlyraisingpointsofgrievance with your bosssoonendswitha letter inthepostentitled‘P45’.

All that said, there is aglimmer of hope amidsttheabyss.Therewasarealzest and tenacity to theperformance on Sunday.Whilst I am in no waytrying to excuse Ashley’sfailures at Newcastle,McClaren should not bethe figure fansvoice theirdiscontentatforthis.

The opening game, and also McClaren’s reputation suggest that he is, at the very least, deserving of time. Something Mike Ashley has afforded his last two managerial appointments.

www.true-faith.co.uktf 30

This same question about McClaren’s suitability can also be applied to Mike Ashley. Do the fans really want anything but Ashley? The profligate waste that went on under Freddy Shepherd, is all too often forgotten.

Charles Dickens, author ofthequoteasyouallprobablyknewbeingdeadwellread,didn’tthinkmuchofpeoplewho threw their hands intheairwhenthegoinggottough,andthenthrewtheirhatsintheairwhenthingswereabitbetter,andthenworried theirselves daft bycomparingwhatitwaslikethenwithwhat itwas likenowandgettingallhuffy.

So,Newcastle…Itmightbetheteamcoloursbutmaybe,justmaybe,especiallyinthe“EPLera”wecanbeseeingthings a bit too black andwhite?

Here’smyperspective.Feelfreetodisagree.

NewcastleUnitedhavenotbeen a domestic trophy-winning side in 60 years.60 years! And I’ve beengoing to games for just

over40of themand livedin hope, enjoyed games,hated games, laughed,blubbed(yep,whenRobertLeescoredintheWembleyFA Cup Semi-Final), andshook my head so oftenit’samazing Idon’thaveaknackered neck. Oh holdon,yesIdo.

When I started followingthe club that wove itselfinto my life, it was withthe flush of excitementof entering a world thatwasopeningupbeforeme:adult, masculine, earthyand addictive. This waswhatdadsandladsdid,thiswas what interested them,this was what glued themtogether. With it came awhole culture and way ofbeing.Itseemedtobehowblokes communicated butavoided any awkwardnessof what we might in amodern way call intimacy.

“See the match?”, “Aye,terrible,terrible”meantthatoneofyouwaslookingoutfor theother,and that theotherwasaliveandkickingabitmorethanhalfoftheUnited team. That wasenough.

Before you think I’mexcluding half of thepopulation, I’m not. Mysister went too, but she’dsay it wasn’t the samefor her and she was theexception among her pals.Itwasveryblokey.

So,IsortofknewwhatIwasgettingmyselfintoin1974whenIwenttothefirstofwhat is now hundreds ofmatches. (3rd January FACup 3rd round – we drewagainstnon-leagueHendonand had Pat Howard sentoff.Ishould’veknownbetterreally). From that day on,matchdaywasalwaysabig

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 31

HavingbeengivenaworkingtitlebytheeditorwiththestartofaquoteIhalfknew,IthoughtIshouldlookitupandseeifitledanywhere.Abroaderquoteis

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,…it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us”.

The Worst of Times?Martin Lewis

So, I sort of knew what I was getting myself into in 1974 when I went to the first of what is now hundreds of matches. (3rd January FA Cup 3rd round – we drew against non-league Hendon and had Pat Howard sent off. I should’ve known better really).

www.true-faith.co.uktf 32

day out with my Dad, butwith an under-performing,inconsistentteamwhohadflashesofbrilliance,playingin a stadium which let’sface it wasn’t very goodeven for thosedaysof theearly70s.

But what was remarkableand intoxicating was howthe whole city came aliveon match days. The cityseemed to be comingtogether,arealcommunity– more than that:GeordiePride. Everyone andeverywhere was geared upforand into thematch, toinspect theoppositionandlet them know they wereinourcityand–outwardlyfriendlyaswemight seem–thatwewereatoughlot,workedintoughindustries,and were rightly proud ofourplace intheworld. ItwasSaturday,3pm,andwewereupforit.

EventhoughIwasamisty-eyedladoftenwhenIwenttomyfirstmatch,theideathatweweretheclubandthat theplayersplayed foruswasalreadyingrained.Iknew that they might bebetter footballers than myDad,buthedefinitelywasa

betterengineerthanthey’dever be and that probablymatteredmore inthe longrun. It was pretty clearearly on that it matteredwhatthecrowdthoughtofwhowaswearingtheblackandwhitestripes,andthatthe crowd didn’t come toa “cathedral” to “worship”as we are encouraged tobelieve these days, butto watch a match andexpect the players to begetting on with it. Thereweremutteringsaboutthemanager, chants aboutthe Board, WestwoodOut, and earnest debatewhether we played betterwhen MacDonald was outinjured.ButwhenIstartedgoingtomatchesitwas47years since we’d won theleagueanditwasgenerallyacceptedthatwewerejustnot a league-winning club,and the Cup after 1974was seeminglybeyondourcapabilitiesaswell.

So, what was the point ofthat trip down memorylane?

I reckon, with a club thathas–let’sbehonest–notwonanythingdomesticallyfor60years,thereasonfor

supporting it is to remindourselvesthatNewcastleisa city still worth shoutingabout.

Yes,Istarttheseasonswithhopes of a team that iscompetitive,andhavebrief,faint, wilder dreams offinishing4thandqualifyingfor theChampions League,bringing myself downin stages by laughablythinking of us winning theCup,andthenadjustingto“a decentCup run”, and atop ten finish. The teamfor the last 20 years hasbeen much like 1974 –frustratingly inconsistent,some good players andsomejourneymen.Sofromthat point of view, it’s notreally the worst of times,it’s justslightlyworsethanitissometimesandslightlybetterthanothers.

ButwhatIdon’trememberfromdaysgonebyisworriesabout the suitability ofshirtsponsors,whethertheowner should be providingmega-funds or “branding”thestadium(didIreallyusethatphrase?),ormetryingtoworkoutwhatdayoftheweekitiswhenwatchingatamatch.

HE’D DONE EVERYTHING RIGHT AT THIS EARLY STAGE. CHRIS MORT WAS SPEAKING TO PEOPLE. WE WERE OPTIMISTIC...

The team for the last 20 years has been much like 1974 – frustratingly inconsistent, some good players and some journeymen.

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 33

And this is where it isperhapsTheWorstofTimes.The club is run in a waythat is not only detachedfromitssupporters,butrunin a way that seems (inmyopinion) tobeactivelyinsulting – the pollutionof high-profile advertisinglogos on the stands beingjust one example. Itis not acknowledgingand respecting why wesupporters get together –tobetogetherandtowatcha team that represents us,wearingthecitybadge,andwearingourcolours.

Andthecitydoesn’tgearuplikeitsoldroutine,it’salmostrandom, it’s fragmented.It’s Saturday at 3pm? Noit’s 12.30pm, no 5.30pm,no Sunday at 1pm, 4pmwhenever, Monday night,andit’sonSkyanyway.

It’sobvious fromheadlinesandtheamountofmoneychanging hands that thegame of football is outof control. Not just ourclub, but our league, andthe top governing bodyFIFA itself. At the higherlevelsofthegameinwhichourclubparticipatesit isaglobal business which is a

merry-go-round of money,spun with “drama” and“excitement”.

While I veryearly saw theaddiction of going to andbeingatthematchtobepartofsomething,wesupportersarenowconditionedbythemedia to be treated likefools addicted to drama,moved on from fix to fixby media hyperbole. Weare conditionednot to actlike responsible straight-thinking adults. In whichother business would amanager who head-buttedarepresentativeofanothercompanynotbesackedforgross misconduct? It’s nosurprise that some long-servingsupportershavehadenough.

But the media just don’tget it. Football is notmelodrama, Special Ones,or whatever. It’s a sport.It is an important way ofbringing a communitytogetherinawaythatonlysport can. And Newcastlethe city, the region, areworth getting together for.Newcastle United is notirrelevant, it doesn’t existfor global marketeers. Itexistsforus.

My reason for still turningup at matches is that I’velivedalong,longtimeawayfromTynesideandif Istopgoing I lose one of theremainingconnectionswiththearea.Igotothematchbecause I still want to bepartofthatcommunity,it’spart of who I am. I takemy 4 children because Iwant them to be part ofsomething other than theworldchannelledthroughascreen of conditioned andcontrolled images, and forthemtoworkoutthatrootsandcommunitymatter.

And it works: when Iwavered once and askedwhetherweshouldkeeponkeeping on – my wise 14year old at the time toldme“It’swhatwedo,Dad.”

Times may be testing onthe pitch at the moment,but that’s temporary. Therealconcernisforthesoulof this football club andfor football as a sport atthe highest levels. Ignorethe false dramas, don’t beplayedforafool,rememberwhy our club was set up,and focus on one thing:Newcastle.United.

I go to the match because I still want to be part of that community, it’s part of who I am. I take my 4 children because I want them to be part of something other than the world channelled through a screen of conditioned and controlled images, and for them to work out that roots and community matter.

TheEditordropsmeanemail‘write1200wordsaboutNolan’spotentialmovetoSunderland’.Ok.I’mgoingtoneedsomethingtohangthearticleon.

Right, plan ‘A’; scourthe Internet, find

anys**teonhim,and label himthe traitorous

bastard he is. Itrawled Google using alltheappropriatekeywords,‘Nolan,backhanders,diving,lazy,disruptiveinfluenceindressingroometc’.Result?Nothing.Nada.

Ok, Plan B; screwthelackofevidence,there’saprincipleinvolvedhere-wehavetohateanyonewhoplaysforSunderland, particularly ifthey’reexToon, right?LeeClarke?S**t!

Plan C; I’m struggling.Wait, it’s that bitch of awife that’s making him

do it! He says his homelife hasn’t been greatwhilstatWestHam.Hangon though, she’s happyto have her husbandwalk away from £50,000a week so they can behappier? Let me ask youa question - if your lasswalkedawayfroma£50kper week job, would itmakeyouhappier?Thisisan extraordinary woman.Anotherquestion- ifyoucame home and said tothe wife ‘there’s this kidat work who’s constantlyinbotherwith thePolice,soI’veinvitedhimtolivewith us for a while tosave him some jail time’.What would your wife’sreaction be? Yet Nolan’s

tf 34

JUDAS?KEVIN NOLAN:

www.true-faith.co.uk

PERRY WILSON

missus welcomed AndyCarrol with open arms.Incredible. This articleisn’tgoingwell.

Plan D; it’s the lure ofAlbania’s City of Culturethat’stheattraction.F***off.Howayman,think!!

Plan E; he’s a mediocreplayeratbestanyway, sowhogivesatoss?Hewasinvisible the first seasonheplayed forus.Thenhescored 17 goals to helpgetuspromoted.10goalsthenextseasonincludingthat hat trick against theMackems (I swear whenhe scored the third, helooked into my eyes andsaid ‘that one’s for youourkid’).Thenwegetrid,hegoestoWestHamandistheirtopgoalscorerin2seasons.Whilstnotbeingconsidered a ‘great’ (heneverplayedforEngland),he is a great soldier andan asset to any team.Mediocreheisn’t.

Plan F; He’s going to

Sunderland because helovesAllardyce. Now, I’venever metAllardyce, so Idon’t know the guy. Butreally?

Plan G; let’s take hisstated reason for leaving‘lackoffirstteamfootball’at face value. That’s thestatementayoungplayermakes who’s keen todemonstratehisabilitytohis manager/supportersor seeking selection tothe England side. It’snot a reason a 33 yearold midfielder with astuttering engine wouldgive. It is however, alsothereasonaguywiththestrength of character todeny his age, and believehecanstillcutthemustard.Andhemayberight.Godknows, I’d welcome himinto Newcastle’s midfieldfor one more season. Hisagewillmeanhe’llpickupmoreinjuries,buthe’sgotmore heart than the restof our current squad puttogether.

Nowcompletelybankruptof inspiration, I ask theguys in the bar for theiropinion.Notoneofthem(and I mean none ofthem,)hadabadwordtosayaboutthelad.

I just can’t believeSunderlandcanmatchhis£50kperweeksalary,butat his age maybe it isn’tallaboutthemoney.

Why leave London tolive in Sunderland? IappreciatethatMrsNolanprobably hasn’t been toSunderlandbefore,sowillbe blissfully unaware ofthethree-toedtroglodytesthat populate the place,but surely she knowsshe’ll be happier almostanywhere but there. UseGoogle Earth for God’ssake. He could commutefrom Merseyside/Londonifhewanted Iguess, a laMichaelOwen.

But why have the lastentry on your CV read‘relegated? Again, if

he should move to

Sunderland,it’llbebecause

he actually believes he

can make a difference,

thatbybeingtherehecan

prevent that relegation.

He believes in himself.

The badge on his shirt is

almostanirrelevance.He’s

playing for team Nolan

andalwayshasdone.

In conclusion, will he go

to Sunderland? I’ve no

idea. But should he go,

I’mconfidentthereaction

from Toon fans will be

positive.We thank Nolan

for his time as Captain

here and wish the lad

the best for him and his

family. And should that

day come when he steps

oncemoreontoStJames

Park, leading Sunderland

outontothepitch,please

haveafxxkingmareKevin.

So, Boss, you’ll have to

get someone else to write

the article, because I’ve

got nothing.

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 35

JUDAS?

www.true-faith.co.uktf 36

BeforeSteveMcClarenwasappointedtothejobNewcastlewerelinkedwithalmostasmanypotentialmanagersaswehaveseenplayerstoutedoverthesummer.SomemighthavebeenabetterbetthanSchteveifthedecisionhadn’talreadylargelybeenmadebylastJanuary.Here’sapersonalviewofwhatsomeofthealternativecandidatesmighthaveoffered.

Patrick Viera: This onecame out of nowhere andwas greeted with a greatdealofenthusiasmbymostMags as evidenced by apoll in the Chron which

showed90%+infavourof his appointment.His lack of experience

was overlooked as itwasfelthischarismaandEuropean connections

might allow him toreplicate the success of

theKeeganyears.However,his job at Man City is tooversee the developmentofnewtalentandwhowasthelastyoungstertocomethrough the ranks in theblue half of Manchester?MicahRichards?Inrealityitwasprobablyaconvenientstory for both Viera andthe club. It allowed theclubtosuggestthatitwas

casting thenetwider thanSteve McClaren while itadvertisedthatVieramightbeavailableiftherightjobcamealong.Itdidn’tdohimanyharminhisnegotiationswithManCityregardinghisnewcontracteither.

Better than Schteve? Maybe, but completely unproven as a manager and a big risk with an important season coming up where staying in the Prem is vital for the future of the club. Just because it worked with Keegan doesn’t mean that Viera would be able to replicate that, particularly under the present set-up.

Here’s What You Could Have WonWALLACE WILSON

Follow @WallaceHWilson

Frank de Boer: Aserialover-

achiever as a player and

a manager, the possibility

of FdB coming to Barrack

Road after statements

about wanting to work inthe Premier League andrebuild a ‘sleeping giant’©Newcastle United causedagreatdealofexcitementamong tf cognoscenti. Agreat player for both AjaxandBarca,itwashisrecordas manager ofAjax whichimpressedashenotchedup4successiveEredivisietitlesbefore being toppled by aGino Wijnaldum inspiredPSVthisyear.Hisfirsttitlecameafterbeingappointedcaretaker manager inDecember2010witha3-1win on the final Saturdayof the season at home toFC Twente, the previousseason’s champions, whentheyweremanagedbyoneSteve McClaren. And hewent on to win the nextthree to prove it wasn’t afluke.

However, the strength ofcharacter which markedout de Boer as a playersometimes made himdifficult to manage. Hewent on strike to force a

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 37

move from Ajax to Barcaand rode out the shameof being found guilty oftakingthebannedanabolicsteroid,nandrolone,winninghis appeal. Moreover, histime at Barca will also beremembered for his publiccriticism of the Germangoalkeeper, Robert Enke,after they were knockedoutof theSpanishCupbythird division Novelda FCin2002.Enkesubsequentlycommitted suicide in2010and this episode hasbeen held up as one ofthe catalysts which senthim into depression butit also highlights one ofde Boer’s enduring traits,his competiveness andunwillingness to acceptanything other thanpeak performance fromassociates. His players areleft in no doubt regardingthe level of performanceexpecttdofthem.

DeBoerisawinnerandTheidea of meandering alongtofinish10thintheLeagueandpickupthecashwouldbe anathema to him. Hewouldhaveexpectedtobesupported in the transfermarket him to compete.Maybe the recent signingssuggest he would havebeen given that supportbutmanystillremaintobeconvinced that there hasbeen a significant changeto‘themodel’ inoperationatSJP,certainlynotenoughtoaccommodatedeBoer.

Better than Schteve? Yes, definitely but it would have needed a handbrake turn within the current set up to accommodate him

Slaven Bilic: Bilic hada successful club andinternationalplayingcareerwhich included spells atEverton and West HambeforetakingoverascoachatHajdukSplitin2002.AftermanagingtheCroatiaU21shetookovertheseniorsidein 2006 where he ran upagainst Steve McClaren inthe Euro Championshipqualifiers, beating Englandhome and away to endMcClaren’s internationalcareer.

Bilicleftthenationaljobafterthe2012Eurostotakeoveras manager of LocomotivMoscow.Bilić’sfirstseasonas a manager ended withthe Lokomotiv’s worstleague result (9th place)since the establishment ofRussian championship in1992. Bilić was sacked on18 June 2013 but movedalmost immediately toTurkey, taking over thereins at Besiktas with athree year contract worth€4.8m. He left the clubwithout winning a trophyattheendofthe2014-15season to joinWest Ham.The Hammers were prettyexcitedabouthisarrivalbut,likemostEnglishfans,thatviewislargelyinformedbyhissuccesswithCroatia.Hisrecord at club level is lessimpressive.

Better than Schteve? Beat him home and away

at international level but his club record is not as impressive. Bilic seems to be developing a clubman’s comb-over which could endear him to older supporters.

Remi Garde: The initialfront-runner after beinginterviewed by the clubafter Pardew left. Afteroverseeing Lyon’s youthacademy, Garde took overasFirstTeamCoachjustasthe club were heading forfinancial meltdown, havingfailed to qualify for theChampions League. As aresulthehadtomanagethesales of important playerswhile trying to keep theclub competitive. The factthathelargelyachievedthismusthavebeenasignificantplusonhisCVbuthisdesireto bring his coaching staffwith him represented amajor obstacle at thetime as Charnley wantedto keep Carver, Stone etal in place (remember thiswas before the disastrousend of season – althoughsurely anyone watchingus over the last few yearsmusthavewonderedwhatwas happening at DarsleyPark). His knowledge ofthe French football sceneand reputation across thechannel might have beenmore important beforethe club decided to scoutout pastures new such as

Belgium, Holland, Spainand Germany. Garde alsohas a reputation as anindependent thinker whowillwalkifhedoesn’tgethisownway,somethingwhichwould not be appreciatedinthecorridorsatSJP.

Better than Schteve? Has nothing like the managerial record but might offer a different way of thinking and playing. His record at Lyon’s youth academy was excellent and he oversaw the development of players like Lacazette and Grenier who are now highly valued. Again, a risk but has a track record and maybe one worth taking.

Michael Laudrup: A trulyworld-classplayer,LaudrupwonleaguetitleswithAjax,Barcelona,RealMadridandJuventus. As a memberof Johan Cruyff’s “DreamTeam”atBarcelonahewonninetrophies,includingfoursuccessive La Liga titlesfrom 1991 to 1994, andtheEuropeanCupin1992.Laudrup moved to archrivalsRealMadrid in1994,withwhomhewonhisfifthLaLigatitleinarow.

Laudrup started hismanagerial career as anassistant with the Danishnationalteambeforetakingover at Brondby wherehe enjoyed both Leagueand Cup success, winningthe double in 2004-05.

www.true-faith.co.uktf 38

After failing to agree newcontract terms he left in2006, joining Spanish clubGetafein2007whohetookto the national Cup Finaland quarter-finals of theUEFA Cup, a considerableover-achievementforaclubof their size. After failingto agree a new contract,however, he left after justa year and joined SpartakMoscow in 2008. He onlylasted 7 months beforebeing sacked ‘for poorresults’.Laudrupwasoutofwork until taking over thereins at Mallorca in 2010wherehemanagedtorescuethe club from imminentrelegation. However, onceagain,his tenurewasshortlived as he resigned in2012 citing frustration atinterferencefromtheclub’sDirector of Football. Hewasn’toutofworkforlong,taking over from BrendanRogers at Swansea afterthe Irishman’s departureforAnfield.Hemadearaftofnewsigningspre-seasonincluding Michu, Chico,PabloHernández, Jonathande Guzmán and Ki Sung-Yueng.ThesigningofMichu

inparticularprovedinspiredas his goals pushed theSwansuptheleagueandin2013Laudrup led themtotheirfirsteverBritishtrophywhen they beat BradfordCity5-0intheLeagueCupFinal.However,aftermuchspeculation regarding hisfuturewherehewasforeverbeing linked with ‘bigger’jobs,LaudrupwassackedinFebruary2014afterapoorrunofresults(6defeatsoutof 8 – not quite Carver).In June he was appointedmanager of Qatar StarsLeague Champions,Lekhwiya, who he led toa record League and Cupdouble before leaving inJunethisyear.Currentlyoutofwork.

Better than Schteve? His reputation as a player undoubtedly helps to attract players and he has won titles in the minor leagues of Denmark and Qatar. However, his achievements with Brondby, Swansea and Getafe are probably more analogous to those at Middlesbrough and FC Twente. However, although his managerial

career has been successful he does have a tendency to walk after a year or so in post so would probably be regarded as too much of a risk by the SJP hierarchy.

Thomas Tuchel: After anundistinguished playingcareer cut short by injury,Tuchel started to makehis name when he waspromoted from the YouthAcademytobecomeHeadCoachatFCMainzshortlyafter their promotion tothe Bundesliga in 2009.In the 2010–11 season,Tuchel coached Mainz toseven wins in their firstseven games, including anaway victory over BayernMunich.The team finishedfifth and both Schalke 04andBayerLeverkusenmadeapproachesforTuchelinthelatter–halfof the2013–14season.Tuchel followed uphissuccessbyleadingMainz

to a UEFAEuropa Leaguespot during the 2013–14season after finishing theseason in seventh place.[6] Tuchel asked to bereleased from his contractprematurely and left thepositionofHeadCoachon11 May 2014. However,Mainz refused to releasehim from his contractwhich meant that he wasunavailable to take overanywhereelseuntiltheendof last season..He finishedhis Mainz career with arecordof72wins,46draws,and64lossesbutitwastheway he built the club anddeveloped a club culturewhich marked him downasacoachtowatch.Itwasno surprise that BorussiaDortmund appointed himto replace Jurgen Kloppafterheresignedattheendoftheseason.

Better than Schteve? Tuchel stands 6ft 4 and is an impressive figure when interviewed. He brings a new approach to the role and would have overseen a complete revamp of the way the club is run as he did at FC Mainz. Many

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 39

people think that is still needed but the current hierarchy probably think he is too much of a risk, having only had success at one club. It could be a one-off or he could be the next Jurgen Klopp. Although the potential risks are high the rewards could be equally massive.

Di Matteo: A successfulplayerinItalyandEngland,latterlywithChelseaitwastodiMatteo’screditthathewaspreparedtoslumitwithMilton Keynes Dons whenlearning his managerialcraft. He took the Donsto a League One play-offsemiinhisfirstseasonbutlost to Scunthorpe United.Immediately after, he wasappointed as the newmanager of West Bromfollowing their relegationfrom the Premier League(with us) in 2009. He ledthem to promotion at thefirst time of asking andmany will remember theway in which they playedtheir football that season,probably better than oursalthough we had otherqualities which led us towin the Championship infrontofthem.

Despite winning ManageroftheMonthforSeptember2010 on his return tothe top flight, di Matteowas sacked as managerin February 2011 after a

poor run of results. WestBrom finished the seasonin11thanddiMatteowasappointed as Assistant toAndreVillas-BoasatChelseainJune2011.Followingthedismissal of Villas-Boas inMarch 2012, di Matteowasappointedascaretakermanager. Incredibly heledthemtoaFACupandChampionsLeaguedouble,beating Barca in the CLsemis before turning overBayern Munich on theirhome turf. The 2-2 awaydraw in the Nou Campsemi and the draw in theOlympicStadiuminMunichwhich set up the penaltyshoot-out were tacticalmasterpieces. Althoughthere was a lot of talkof the players managingthemselves they hadn’tshownanysignsofdoingthatsinceMourinholeft.

However, the two yearcontract awarded to diMatteo after his victorydidn’t prevent him frombeing sacked just fivemonths later. The pill wassweetenedbythefactthathe continued to get paid£100,000pwuntilhetook

anotherjob.Notsurprisinglyhetookhistimeandwaiteduntil October 2014 beforetaking over at Schalke 04.Schalke were 11th whenhe took over and he liftedthemupto6th,althoughitwasjustarunoftwowinsintheirlast10gameswhichprevented them qualifyingfor theChampions League.Di Matteo resigned in theclose season and is stillwithoutaclubatthetimeofwriting.

Better than Schteve? A Champions League win and an FC Cup would suggest so. Even though it was achieved with better players they were under-performing before his arrival and, for all his magic, Mourinho has looked like winning the CL since. His record in Germany is better than Schteve’s and his sides play good football. Would have been an excellent choice.

Who else has been givena mention? Take yourchoice from Rafa Bentiez,Mark Warburton, BerndtSchuster, Harry Redknapp,JocelynGourvennec,DavidMoyes,MerceloBielsa,Sam

Allardyce or ChristopheGaltier.Youcouldevenhavea bet on Ant and Dec at500/1.Anyof thesewouldhavebeenanimprovementon the ‘Best Coach in thePremiership’whosedeludedramblings have recentlygraced the pages of theDailyTelegraph as he triesto punt himself to somedesperatechairman.

Couldwehavedonebetterthan McClaren? Probably,butitwouldhavemeantabiggergamblethantheclubwaspreparedtotake,evenunderAshley. McClaren isasafe(r)pairofhandswhowill be expected to getmore out of the currentsquad and integrate newsignings while sticking to‘the model’. The bettercandidateswouldnothavebeen prepared to acceptsuch a straightjacketand, until he was sacked,it looked as if McClarenhad his own reservations.Let’s hope if it all goestits up this time the clubhave a contingency planwhichdoesn’tincludeJohnCarver.

McClaren is a safe(r) pair of hands who will be expected to get more out of the current squad and integrate new signings while sticking to ‘the model’.

www.true-faith.co.uktf 40

Duringrecentyearsasourclubdriftseverfurtherintothemire,ithasbecomeclearlynoticeablethatNUFCand(moreinparticular)it’ssupporthavebecomeparticularlyunpopularasageneralruleofthumb.My work takes me to theSouth East on a regularbasis and experiencing thedisdain head on makesit all the more palpable.Someone down there ofactual intelligence said tome recently, “There’s only1 club can win the Prem,Nick. You boys just haveyoursightssettoohigh!!”

Toohigh?

We’d all snap your handsofffor4thbottom!

The thing that alwaysleaves me scratching myhead is, why? How canpeople in London or Brumor Manchester be evenbotheredtotalkaboutus?

The written pressOf course, during the mid90’sasKevin’sentertainers

maraudedupanddownthelanddazzlingeveryoneandnearly winning things, wewere the perfect package.You were pretty muchguaranteed a spectaclewhen Newcastle wereon Sky and you didn’thave to worry about usbecoming the next ManU and winning everythingin sight for a generation.Here, I think might be thefirst clue in our popularitydemise.

It’s an unwritten rule intoday’s Britain that thetabloid press will turn ontheir once favourite withall the glee of a fox in ahen-house given an iotaof a chance The amazingfootball and the medialauded atmosphere at St

Jamesinthosedays(havingbeen waxed lyrically todeath) clearly left manyscribesfromMerseysidetoThe Capital & beyond tostartthinking‘whodotheythinktheyare?’

As those golden daysstartedtobecomeadistantmemory, post Bobby andwith charlatans such asSouness, Allardyce etcfurther leading us downthe garden path, we hadbecomeatotal jokeintheeyesofthepopularpress.

The rise of the gobs**te / keyboard warriorTalkradiostationshavebeenpopular in the States fordecades.The phenomenontook root this side of thepondintheearly90’swiththe odiously, toad faced

The People’s Republic of Tyneside vs Talksport & the White Van Men of Essex.

Nick ClarkFollow @Clark5Nick

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 41

DavidMellorandRadio5’s606.That is an institutionwhich is still going strongtoday. It’s rival, Talksportis a more dumbed downversion of the above. Forexample, a popular tactictoget thegreatunwashedapoplectic with rage isfor someone like Ian ‘TheMoose’Abrahams to statewith absolute certaintythatsuch&suchaplayerisutterscumfordecliningtoplay for his country whilsta brain donor like Darren‘Goughie’ Gough willdiametricallyopposehimbysaying that saidplayerhaseveryright......etcetc.Whatfollows is Dave, a whitevan man from Basildon,who ‘supports’ ManYooblethering on & agreeingwithoneort’other.Andon(and on) it goes. As asupport,wegetparticularlyshort shrift from this typeofmedia.Dave&hiswhitevancohortshaveusdownaspathetic moaning Minnies,ludicrously demandingsuccess and Barca stylefootball.

I find soap operas turgidand therefore I pay zeroattention to them. TheUnited of today are thearchetypalexampleinlongrunning soap storylines.FromFreddieandhistalesofSpanish bordellos to todayand the unscrupulous loansharks staining the Black

& White stripes to sweatshop allegations aimedat our darling owner’s tatemporiumbusiness.Youcanunderstand why a certaintype of punter may findallthistitillationinterestingandwhyweoffersomuchtotalkaboutforpious,yetsadistic lady battering exfootballers to drone onabout.

Social Media seems tofollow suit. Lonely32yearold virgins from Widnesget the horn from hidingbehind the moniker,Captain Fishtail and givingus ‘delusional’ six nowtfromthesupremecomfortandabsolutesafetyoftheirmum’s computer room ontwitteretc.

But here is my next headscratcher. Why do we, assupportersgetsomuchgrieffor having the temerity ofbeingunhappyatthetotalcircusofaclubwehavetoendurethesedays?

Hands up who has heardanyofthefollowing....?

Problem with the Jawdees is...

They want to win every game 4-3.

They want 11 Geordies on the pitch.

They got sir Bobby the sack.

They think they’re a big club.

They got Pards the sack.

They’re delusional.

Herearemyanswerstotheabove-andI’msuspecting95%oftherestofourfanbasewillagree.

1-0 will do me thank you. (Well, any win to be honest)

a few players with premiership experience would be nice.

Aye, because we really wanted a walking cliche like Souness to take us to the next level.

yes and no. Despite the fact we haven’t won a pot since just after the Cuban Missile crisis we do boast the 10th highest average attendance in Europe. And, if we are not in any way important why the f*** do you want to flap your gums about us in the first place?

Yes, we couldn’t bear his toadying to Ashley, his awful record, his square pegs in round holes selection policy, non-existent tactics and constant use of “we woz a frett”

BUT... He walked when he deemed a better offer had come along.

Please read the banner. We don’t demand a team that wins, just one that actually tries

Alloftheabovewouldleadonetotheconclusionthatit is a clear case of uberlazy journalism creating aurbanmyth,leadingtothatfalsestereotypetobecomethe accepted norm. Inother words, modern dayjournalism.

If you haven’t noddedoff already, you mayhave noticed the 95%guesstimate I proposed inan earlier paragraph. If I’mrightthenthatleavesabout5%whomayhaveaclaimtocausingourhugedemiseinpopularity.

To(briefly)makeacasefortheMagpie naysayers, all Icanmusteristoblametheproximityofthecitycentreto SJP. When the sniff ofanythingvaguelyinterestingarises surrounding Unitedthere are always somethickJackClotswhoambletowards the ground likeextras from ‘the WalkingDead’tooffertheirdubiouspearls of wisdom to anyreporterhangingaround.

These people are alwaystubby morons who makeanyrightmindedsupportercringeinembarrassment.

All clubs have these loons.They are clearly not thereason everyone dismissesus.AlanBrazil,PaulMerson,IanWrightetalareanotherstory.

www.true-faith.co.uktf 42

Kriss Knights AKA BILLY FURIOUS

Read more stuff here billyfurious.com 

25yearsagothismonthWifeyandIgotmarriedatNewcastleCivicCentre.Becausewewerehopelesslyskintmy“StagDo”involvedmehitch-hikingtoLondontoseeNirvanaattheAstoriaandourweddingreceptionwasmeetingsomefriendsfordrinksinTheDog&Parrot.

JUBILEE - Is Newcastle Actually Better Without the Football Team?25 years ago this monthWifey and I got marriedat Newcastle CivicCentre. Because we werehopelessly skint my“StagDo” involved me hitch-hiking to London to seeNirvanaattheAstoriaandourweddingreceptionwasmeeting some friends fordrinksinTheDog&Parrot.

It is testament to thesuccess our lives haveturnedouttobethatour25thweddinganniversarypartywasmeetingfriendsfordrinks inTheDogandParrot. Nirvana wereapparently “unavailable”toplayforus.Iforgettheexcusebut Idoubt itwasinanywayconvincing.

For reasons explainedhilariouslyandinformativelyinourKindle Book “Screw Work, Let’s Travel”.Wifeyand I live in Norfolk nowso the Dog & Parrot canno longer be described asour local. But unlike thosedespicable bastards who

inviteyoutotheirstagdoinVegasandtheirweddinginFijiandexpectyoutoturnup, at your own expense,and bring a present, whileassuming you would begratefulfortheprivilegeofbeingaskedtodoso–welike to show considerationto our friends. We don’twant to inconveniencepeople:wekeptournuptialssimpleandlocalandneverasked anybody to dressup or write a speech andkepttheamountofpeoplewho had to endure theceremony to the barestlegal minimum. We don’twanttoputourfriendsoutbutwedoinsistonseeingthemsoour25thweddinganniversary is turning intoaUKtour–insomecaseshousebyhouse.

25 years on from ourwedding we are stillmarried but within that25 years an endlessprocession of peopleclaimingtobeourfriendshaveexpectedustotravel

to places we didn’t wanttogoto,buythemthingsthat we couldn’t justifythe expense of buyingforourselvesandshareinthe joy of a matrimonialbliss – that has longsince desiccated intoacrimoniousdivorce,withcrying children and us,innocent bystanders thatwe are, having to tippy-toethroughtheminefieldofnotchoosingsides.Thisalong with the fact thatsomeofour friendsdon’tlikeeachothermeanswehave to stagemanageallour social occasions. It’sasideeffectofa lifetimeof bonding with otherdrunkengobs**tes.

Ishouldexplainthelackoffootballinthiswaffle:Wifeyand I are refugees fromthebitteruncivilwars thathaveblightedNewcastleinrecentyearsandmuchlikeour approach to divorcedfriendswehavenointerestin choosing sides. WhenJonas Gutiérrez curled in

Available on Amazon

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 43

the second goal againstWest Ham in the lastgame of last season tosecureNewcastle’sPremierLeague survival I came infrom running around thegarden screaming to findWifey openly sobbing“this sort of thing doesn’thappentous,”ourpretenceatnotcaringanymorewasexposed as a pathetic lie.However,whenlovelyMickMartin(Ed:blush)askedmeto do a guest bit for truefaith I said“Yes, but I ain’ttouchingthattoxicfootballs**te.”

We loved being inNewcastle for a couple ofdaysandweloveditmorebecause the football teamandagoodnumberofcrazedding-bat weirdos, who arestillpreparedtotravelawaytoseethemnotplay,wereinManchester.Asyoudon’tneed telling, Newcastle isa spectacularly beautifulcity and when it hostsguests it really steps up.50,000 Scots and SouthAfrican supporters onthe Saturday all seemedrelativelyhappybefore therugbyatleast.Thecitywasfizzing with energy. Therestaurants were busy, the

bars resounded with easylaughter, people came outwho we were delighted tosee and at some point alad with hair like aViking,a South Africa rugby shirtand a kilt took a pictureof us all. A situation thatwith somewhat soberconsideration should havebeentheotherwayround.

Newcastle without thefootballmakesmejoyouslyemotional–merelytakinga slip road off the A1 Inoticed the (unusual forNorfolk dwellers) sight oforange flashing lights onthe cornerofpeople’s carsand said, “look at thesewonderfulpeopleindicatingtocomeontoandtoturnoffa roundabout”, and Wifeysaid,“Areyoucrying?”

I had passed out on myfriend’s sofa before MatchoftheDaygotuglysoIwasstill in a good mood thenext day when we wentwalking up Derwentside.Dogwalkersandjoggersbidus a cheery hello and ared kite flew low over theviaduct justaswesteppedonto it. Itwasagrey, coolmorningandthetreeswereonlyjuststartingtochangeinto their autumnal frocks

but it was breathtakinglywonderful.

Wechosetogetticketstoseecomedian Doug Stanhopein Newcastle despite anynumberofhisUKdatesbeingclosertoourNorfolkhome.EventhoughthegigwasonaSunday,andIcanrarelybebotheredtoleavethehouseon a Sunday after midday,weknewthecrowdwouldbe better there thananywhereelse.AtthispointIcoulddothreeparagraphson the evil thievery thatis the ticketing systemwhich the Tyne Theatrehas signed up to, but I’mtrying to keep this upbeat.The management did alsobow to Doug’s request tokeep the bar open duringhisshowsoIwon’tmentionthe£7aminutephonelineorthe invitationfor“ticketinsurance.”

So that’s your proof rightthere – we had a brillianttime in Newcastle andthe only s**t bits werenot staying out drinkingwith Mr Stanhope in TheHead of Steam becausewe had to leave early inthe morning and whensomebody mentioned thebloodyfootball.

Newcastle without the football makes me joyously emotional

IfyouareacertainagethereisprobablylittleornodoubtthatyouwouldacceptthattheStJamesParkofoldhasgrownbeyondrecognition.FromthedemolitionoftheoldLeazesEndintheearlyseventies-brokemyheartatthetime-totheconstructionofthe‘new’EastStand’,theredevelopmentoftheMilburnStand,theremovalofterracesattheGallowgateandLeazesEndsandfinallytheconstructionofthevastMilburnStandagain.Withacapacitynowupto52,000andrestrictionspreventinggroundexpansionoftheEastStandthedevelopmentopportunitiesareprettylimitedatpresent.Mostreaderswillknowabouttheargumentsinthe90’saboutmovinggroundsbutnothingcametofruitionandtobehonest,frommyperspective,youcannotbeatthegroundscitycentrelocation-theheartbeatoftheCityindeed.IoftenfindthegroundslocationbeingthemaintopicofconversationamongstvisitorstoourgreatCity(andnotjustfootballfans).

When it became apparentinthemidtolate90sthatthe ground was stayingputtheclubboughtalongleaseofthelandbehindtheGallowgate End adjacentto the Metro station andnow used a as car park.Whilst I’ve no idea howmuchtheypaidforthesiteback then but I suspect itwasn’t cheap. I believe theintention behind buyingthe lease on the land wasto construct a hotel anda casino with a walkwayinto an extended, newlydeveloped GallowgateEnd. I think Newcastle

not getting ‘super casinostatus’ scuppered theproposal.However,itseemsextending the ground wasnever far from the mindsof those running the club.It may have been at aninitialcapitaloutlaybutnodoubtanincreasedcapacityGallowgate End with aprofitmakingdevelopmentonthesitewouldsoonfundit.Evenasrecentlyas2008itappearstheclubandtheCityCouncilcommissionedan independent reportto look at how the landcould be developed toincorporate an extension

totheGallowgateEnd.Noaction was taken despitethe positive conclusions inthereportandforwhateverreason the extensionnever proceeded, and theland under the ownershipof the Halls and Shepard,and more recently underMike Ashley, has stood asa car park. However, thepossibility of an extendedGallowgate End remains,pushing up capacity evenhigher.

Ourcrowdshaveremainedbuoyant over the years-even in our relegation

www.true-faith.co.uktf 44

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT Tom Keltey

season- and we’veremained consistentlynear the 50k mark overrecent years. Performanceson the pitch, it has to besaid, have rarelywarrantedsuch crowds and the onething that never ceases toamazethose interested infootball stats is how ourattendanceshaveremainedsohigh.Imagineifweeverdidwell!!

The Premier League hasrarelybeensopopularandlookingaroundthecountryit’s not surprising to seeclubs looking at extendinggroundcapacityormovingstadia. We have seen OldTrafford developed toincreasecapacityto70kpluswhilstArsenalhavemovedfromHighburytoEmiratestocopewiththeincreasingdemand from spectators.ManCityhavejustextendedtheir own ground whilstLiverpoolaregoingthrougha redevelopment to caterfor increased demand.Tottenhamareplanningtomove to a bigger stadium.WeallknowthatWestHamare at their last season atUpton Park. The common

theme in relation to all oftheseclubsisthattheyarewishingtoextendcapacity.

I’vehearditarguedthatwestruggle to fill the groundat present so why expandfurther? That’s short termthinking in the view ofmany.Giventhecrowdsweget now just imagine thedemandifweeversatisfiedour potential and regularlychallenged for trophies ortried to compete with thebest.With an entertainingteam challenging fortrophies would 70k beenough? You’d have towonder.

WithallthisinminditwaswithinterestthatInoticedthelandbehindthegroundwas placed on the marketfordevelopmentattheendof2013.Therewas littleorno attention given to theproposal at first, until itbecame obvious that theland, when developed wasnottoincludeanyextensiontotheground.Itwassimply‘theclub’disposingoftheirinterest in the land-or atleast it would appear tocasual observers that ‘theclub’weredisposingofthe

land.Initiallyadevelopmentwas proposed by MorganSindallbutforsomereasonthat didn’t proceed andthen local constructioncompanyTolent were saidto be proceeding with adevelopment-once againwith no ground extensionproposed. The proposalsinvolved building studentaccommodation but noground extension. Fromthe developers point ofviewtheywouldhavejustviewedthisasacommercialscheme not connected tofootball in any way-theyweresimplypayingforlandtobuildon-andthereforeitwouldcomeasnosurpriseto anyone that there wasno suggestion that theGallowgate End would beextended. Whatever, thefact that ‘the club’ werequite prepared to sell theland demonstrated that‘the club’ were no longerinterestedinextendingthegroundanyfurther.

The possibility of anyextensiontotheGallowgatehad been ruled out bythe club who were happyjust to rid themselves of

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 45

The possibility of any extension to the Gallowgate had been ruled out by the club who were happy just to rid themselves of the site and allow any developer to proceed as they wished.

the site and allow anydeveloper to proceed astheywished.FrommyownpersonalpointofviewIwasdisappointed to read thatthe club were essentiallypreventing any possiblefurther extension to theground.Whilstwe struggleto attract 50k at presentthat’snottosaythiswouldalways be the position…afterallwe’veseencapacityincrease from under 20kpre Keegan to 36k underKeegantopresentday50k.Imagine a bit of success…yes,Iknowitmightbehardto imagine now….but itwasevenhardertoimaginepre-Keegan.

Somewouldsayaslongastheclubprofitedthenthatwouldbeok-which,ofcoursepresumed the club itselfwould receive the moneyfromthedevelopmentandtheninvestitintheteam…itself a big maybe!...in factI suspect it won’t if youbelievecomments recentlymadeinthepress.

It was interesting to readthecommentsfromTolentwhen they confirmedthat they were no longerproceeding with thedevelopment.TheirDirectorcommented in a responseto the Chronicle that ‘theowner’ was cracking onwith the developmenthimself-not selling the

site to a private developer.Whenreadingthatarticleitremindedmeofacommentinonesetofthefansforumsminutes when questionedabout the site, the clubcommented that the sitebelongedtotheownerandnot the club… the exactwordsusedwereasfollows;‘it is under the umbrellaofMikeAshley’sownershipseparatefromtheclub’wastheresponsefromtheBoard.Soatsomepointintime,ormaybeevenatthetimeofhis purchase of the club,the site has been movedfromclubownershiptoMrAshley’s ownership-assetstripping somemaycall it.The brochure advertisingthe sale of the land inlate 2013 stated that theland was transferred toNewcastle United HoldingLimited in 2004 althoughthebrochureissilentastowhathappenedthereafter.

Whatever way you nowview it, as a result, thenaturalconclusiontoreachis that even if you don’tfavour a ground extensionor increased capacity andsawasaleofthelandfillingthe club’s coffers that isn’tgoing to happen as theclub wouldn’t profit fromthe sale. There’s only oneperson going to benefitand that’s the owner andnotNewcastleUnited.The

money won’t be goingback into the club to buynew players or improvefacilitiesforsupportersandinaddition thegroundwillnever increase capacitybeyonditscurrentlimit.Nothought about the futureof Newcastle United, nolong termconsiderationasto what capacity may berequired if we were eversuccessful‘again’(Iprobablymean minor success i.e.challenging rather thanactuallywinninganything).

The sad thing for me iswhicheverwayyou favour,ground extension or not,therewillbenobenefitforNewcastleUnited.Atatimewhenothersareexpandingtheir own grounds we aredoingtheopposite,wearerestrictingthepossibilityofany future extension…andtheir match day incomewill increase,ourswill staythe same and you don’tneedtobeannaccountanttoknowwhat thatmeans.I struggle to find positivethingstosayaboutthewayNewcastle United is run…it’s certainly not for thelong term benefit of theclubthat’sforsure!

Finally,ifyou’rethinking‘it’shisclubhecandowhathewantswithit’…I’mnotsureyou shouldbe reading thisfanzine.

www.true-faith.co.uktf 46

At a time when others are expanding their own grounds we are doing the opposite, we are restricting the possibility of any future extension...

true faith has alwaysprovided a platformto fans to write abouttheir club and give theirown opinions on whatis currently going on atUnited as well as thedifferent perspectives ofourclub’shistoryandthewidergame.Oh,weloveabitnostalgiaandhistory.

There is no typical truefaithwriter,theycomeinall shapes and sizes andinclude home and awayzealots. young lads and

lasses,veteranfans,seasonticket holders, exiles andwhateverelseyoucaretomention.

You don’t need to be apreviously publishedwriter or have any fancyqualifications.Allwecareabout is whether youhavealoveforNewcastleUnitedandawilltoinformandentertainyour fellowsupporters.Wedon’tcareif your opinions are thesame or are similar tothe editorial position of

true faith and in fact we

welcome those that are

completely opposite in

honesty.

You might want to write

detailed exposes of the

United financial and

business model or you

mightwanttodoamatch-

reportoryoumightwant

to do something we’ve

nevereverconsidered.

We also like dipping our

toes into the waters of

music, film and fashion

soifthat’syourforte,just

dropusalineaswell.

Don’t forget, we

welcome all cartoonists,

photographers and

designers to join us as

well, so whatever your

talent, we can put you

to work with the aim of

establishing true faith as

the best fanzine for the

best supporters in the

wholeworld.

All emails to editor@

true-faith.co.uk

truefaithhasbeenestablishedsince1999asoneofthemostsuccessful,influentialandbest-sellingfanzinesinthecountry.ItssuccessisbaseduponthecontributionsofNewcastleUnitedsupporters.Aswemoveintothedigitalageandtakeuptheopportunitiesfornewformsofsupporterexpression,truefaithisattheforefrontofthenewfanzinecultureanddevelopsitsdigitalfanzine(whatyouarereadingnow),itsmatch-daye-newsletter,TheSpecial,itsPodcasts,itsvideo-blogsandofcoursethewebsite.Wehopetobepositionedforanythingelsethatdevelopsoverthenextfewyearsaswell.

Write for true faith

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 47

We’vehadsomebrilliantcaptainsatNewcastleUnited.Keegan,Beardsley,Lee,Shearer-playersthathadamassiveimpactontheteamnotonlywiththeirperformances,butwiththeirleadershipskillsandcharacteroffthepitchaswell.I’devenaddKevinNolantothatlist,heknewwhatitmeanttothefanstoplayforusandhewasproudthathehaddoneso.Pullingonthatblackandwhite(andblueapparently-thisseason’sishideous,butthat’sforanotherday..)shirtshouldfeellikeanhonourandprivilegetoeveryonethatdoesit.

Wewantthemtofeelthewayweknowwewould,ifitwasusgettingthechancetodothesame.Pullingonthe captains armband andleading Newcastle Unitedoutinfrontof52,000ofusshouldbeonanotherlevelentirelythen,yes?

Step up FabricioColoccini. A playerthatprovokesmixedreviewsandfeelings,Iwillhappilycomerightoutandstartthispiecebysaythat for me,he is currentlyfalling woefully

shortoftickinganyof the boxes you wouldhope for from your clubscaptain. When your clubjust happens to be in thesituation ours is (at thetimeofwriting,we’re rockbottomand5pointsadrift),the whole predicamentlooksevenbleaker.

Signed in 2008, Coloccinihad spells with AtleticoMadrid,Villarreal,ACMilanand Deportivo beforemaking the switch to theToon. Boasting a relatively

impressiveCV, I rememberthinkingtomyself

“Aye,wecouldhavea realplayer on our hands here”andafteranadjusting firstseason, that looked to bethecase.

Inthe09/10seasonthattheclubwontheChampionship,21 of Coloccini’s 40appearancesforusresultedincleansheets.

Granted, the competitionwas of a lower level, butit’sanimpressivestatnonethe less. However, as thecentre backs Newcastlecareer has progressed, hisnumber of appearancesper season has steadilydecreased, along withthe quality of defensiveperformances from theback four he has ran therule over. After beingawarded captaincy in July2011, Coloccini went onto make 39 appearancesthat season, notchingup 13 clean sheets-theclosest he’s came toreplicating the 21 kept intheChampionshipwinningseason.

A Captains Tale:

Fabricio Coloccini

Ross JenkinsFollow @_Jenky88

www.true-faith.co.uktf 48

Illus

trat

ion

byM

arc

Jenn

ings

mar

cjen

ning

s.co

.uk

Makingonly29appearancesinthe12/13seasonand28in13/14,wekeptonly7and8cleansheetsrespectively.

Youdon’tneedtobeGaryNeville to know that theback four has been theachilesheelofourclubforyears and saying defensiveperformances have largelybeen s**te, would beputtingitpolitely.

I’m also not putting theblame solely on ColocciniforthefiguresI’vepresentedabove, our defensive woesare thanks to a lack ofcapable defenders in allpositions across the backfour(withafewexceptions,obviously). It’s also worthnoting that at his peak,Colo even made the mostaverage of players, snipersufferer Steven Taylor forexample, look relativelycomposed alongside him.His ability to do the dirtyworkofmoppingupbehindothers, whilst also beingable to move the ball outofdefenceathis feetwithrelative ease had mostthinking he was the touchof class we’d been craving

attheback-andforasmalltime,hewas.

The issue with Colo forme however, isn’t justthat performances havemassively decreased overthe last few years, butis equally to do with hisdemeanourbothonandoffthe field. It would appearhe thinks of himself asArgentina’s answer toWordsworth because asweallknow,he’spartialtopenningaletterortwoandputting his feelings downonpaper.

In2013,ourproudcaptainsignedoffanopenlettertohis old club San Lorenzo,essentially claiming hewas gutted to be stayingin the North East. Therewere numerous rumoursfloating round as to whatcould possibly justify hissudden desperation toleave NUFC, but whetherany of them were true ornot(thebogstandard‘he’sbeenplayingawayfromhislass’wasthefirst tocomeup-something I doubt asheactuallyseemsacannydecent,familyman),ifound

his lack of professionalismdisappointingandaninsultto the club. If you wentinto your graft tomorrowand told anyone whowas willing to listen youwere desperate to leave,sooner rather than lateryou’d be told to do oneand the choice wouldbe made for you. It’s notunnatural for a player tobecomehomesickorwantto spend time around hisfamily, it’s human nature.However,togopublicwitha letter claiming you’redesperate to play foranother football club andyou’re disappointed thatyou’rebeingforcedtostaycaptaininganotherisaslapin the face and for me,the armband should havebeentakenfromhimthereand then. It shows a lackof respect for theprivilegeyou’ve been given andtowardsthe fans,whopayyour wages and supportyouweekin,weekout.Youonlyhavetotakeonelookathowrapidlyfeelingsarechanging towards Moussa“I’m champions leaguequality”

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 49

Step up Fabricio Coloccini. A player that provokes mixed reviews and feelings, I will happily come right out and start this piece by say that for me, he is currently falling woefully short of ticking any of the boxes you would hope for from your clubs captain.

Sissoko(that’sifyouhadn’tseen the light long beforenow-he’s bang average)as an example of howmuch of a negative effectconsistentlyspeakingoutinpubliccanhave,evenifyouthink you’re doing nowtwrong. Keep in mind, thatletter surfacedamatterofhours after Alan Pardewwentpublicwithhisthanksfor Coloccini, praising his“fantastic loyalty” foragreeing to stay on untilthe following summer.Again, whilst I’m not oneto miss an opportunity tosmileatthatarrogantt**tbeing shown up in public,it’s another example of acomplete lack of respectforthecluboranyonewhorepresentsit.

Not wanting us to feelleft out however, CaptainColo was kind enough toaddress us on paper justa few years later in 2015.WithNewcastleUnitedonan 8 game slide, Colocciniand the best coach in thePremier League combinedto provide the nationalmediawithoneofthemosthilariously embarrassingmoments NUFC have hadforawhile(whichissaying

something),as JohnCarverheld up a hand writtenapology, apparently fromthe man himself to ourfan-base during a pressconference. The fact thatthiswasoneofthefewtimesour captain has actuallyspokenouttoourfanbaseinthefouryearshehadheldcaptaincy, a fact that wasaddressed immediately atthebeginningofthe letter,should tell you everythingyouneedtoknowabouthislackofleadershipskills. I’mnot saying I want to hearhim banging on week inweekoutabouteverythingfrom what training gamesthey play to how angryMike Williamson is thatThauvin doesn’t bring hislassalongregularlyenough(that should be your cueto googleCharlotte Pirroniand you can thank melater)butwhenanswersareneeded,yourcaptainshouldbe there to answer themandoursisn’t.Whenthingsaren’t going your way onthe pitch, there should besomeone players and fanscanlooktoandknowthatthey are going to try andpick your lads up by thescruffoftheneckandforcethemtopushon.Coloccini

isn’t that player. His lackof vocality on the pitch isa massive downside forme, I justdon’t thinkhe isinfluentialenough,howeverby most accounts, HatemBen Arfa can tell you allabout his influence in thedressingroom.

Soafterthedeclineinform,the public declaration thathedoesn’twanttobehereand the lack of leadershipskills, what becomes ofFabricio Coloccini? Acontractextensionin2015andcontinuedcaptaincy,ofcourse.Thatinitselfspeaksvolumes about our cluband where our prioritieslaybutsadly,weknowthisall too well. We’re happywithin our comfort zone,that being mediocrity. Wesee no need to promotechange and shake it up abit, because given whatthose who run our clubclassas success,nothing isbroken so there’s nothingto fix-an idea that quitetragically could be provenwrong, should Coloccinihave the distinction ofcaptaining NewcastleUnitedtorelegationforthesecondtimeinhisfiveyearsasskipper.

www.true-faith.co.uktf 50

When things aren’t going your way on the pitch, there should be someone players and fans can look to and know that they are going to try and pick your lads up by the scruff of the neck and force them to push on

Strength comes in number andyou’ll be joiningmore

than 500,000 of your fellow fans in the fight for safe

standing, lowerticketpricesandtheprotectionofour

clubs.Ourmembersaremadeupofindividualfansand

membersof localsupporters’organisationsthroughout

theprofessionalstructureandmanymorefromfurther

downthefootballpyramid.

TheSafeStandingCampaign,Twenty’sPlentyforAway

Tickets and Watching Football Is Not A Crime! are

examples of ongoing campaigns which the FSF leads.

Hopefully they’llprovetobeassuccessfulasprevious

campaignslikeNoToGam£39whichhelpedkilloffthe

PremierLeague’swidely-hatedideaofa39thgameto

beheldonforeignfields- See more here.

By becoming a member of the FSF you agree to our

fundamental principles as set out in our constitution.

Theseinclude:

• Promoting the cause of diversity and opposing all

forms of discrimination;

• Rejecting violence, both physical and verbal;

• Promoting a positive culture of fair play and goodwill

between all football supporters.

INDIVIDUALS: Join the FSF for free here...

The Football Supporters’ Federation (FSF) is the democratic organisation representing the rights of fans and arguing the views of football supporters in England and Wales. The FSF is totally free to join as well so the question is, if you’re not a member, why not?

FAN’S GROUPS: Join the FSF for free here...

DOWNLOAD THE FSF ANNUAL REPORT HERE...

join the fsf for free

www.fsf.org.uk

www.true-faith.co.uktf 52

Cartoons

NEWCASTLE UNITED 2 SOUTHAMPTON 2St. James Park, Sun 9th Aug, 1:30pm, Premier League, Att: 49,710

AlivelyopeningtotheMcLarenera(asno-one iscallingit) saw us share the points with a tidy Saints side in agamewhichcouldhavegoneeitherway.Pelleputthemaheadhalfway through the firsthalfandalthough I likehim–definitelysomethingabouthim,theeasewhichheoutjumpedMbembawasembarrassingaswastheattempttokeepouthisgoalboundheader.TheylookedconfidentandplayedusofftheparkforthemajorityofthehalfsoitwasagainsttherunofplaywhenwetooktheleadinslightlyfortuitouscircumstancewhenHaidara’scrossloopedovertheirkeeperleavingCissetochestitinfromaninchout.

Thesecondgoalwasanabsolutecrackerthough.Obertanwentononeofthoselungburstingrunsthatusuallyendwithhimrunningstraightoutofplaybut insteadheputoverafantasticcrossonthemoveandWijnaldumgotupabouttwentyfootintheairtonodhome–Wijntheleapindeed.SubstituteLongswungthingsbackintheirfavourwithhispaceanditwasnosurprisethathegottheirgoal,getting higher than a static Janmaat to nod home. Infairness,theyhadgoodchancestowinittowardstheendwith Pelle in particular fluffing his lines and a draw wasaboutright.Halfdecentstart.

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 53

Newcastle United – Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba,

Haidara, Wijnaldum (de Jong), Anita (Tiote), Colback,

Sissoko, Obertan, Cisse (Mitrovic)

Our Fans – 7 – Amazing that so many keep coming back,

really.

Their Fans – 5 – Long way, Sunday lunchtime reasonable

excuses for being poor

Media View – ‘Defensive frailties on show after Magpies

draw’ (Shields Gazette)

In-Form – Great debut from Gini

Out of Form – Haidara was wobbly defensively

McClaren Watch – Fairly encouraging. Obviously has

work to do but it was a reasonably entertaining start.

www.true-faith.co.uktf 54

SWANSEA CITY 2 NEWCASTLE UNITED 0Liberty Stadium, Sat 15th Aug, 3:00pm, Premier League, Att: 20,678

Ifevertherewasagametosapeveryounceofspiritoutofyouthiswasit.Ifthiswasustryingtoimpressanewmanager,Idreadtothinkwhatwe’lllooklikewhenMcLarenlosesthedressingroom.Theyonlytooktenminutestotakethe lead from an all too familiar script, s**te defendingoutside thebox, easy throughball, nip round the keeper,tapin.Easy,easy,easy.NotforthefirsttimeinhisUnitedcareer,Janmaatthenletallhisteammatesdownthroughrankunprofessionalismandgothimselfsentoffbeforethebreak. Montero, who had the Dutchman’s pants so farroundhis ankles, itwasamiraclehe could still standupskinnedhimtimeandtimeagainbeforehedrewtwostupidyellowsfromthefullback,whodeservedlywalked.WhenSissokolimpedoff‘injured’acoupleofweeksbeforetheendofthetransferwindow,ittellsyoueverythingyouneedtoknowaboutthe‘character’ofthoseattheclub.

FivefootnowtAndreAyew,anothergoodplayerwefailedto‘get over the line’ headed home unchallenged from acrossearlyinthesecondhalfandtheysawthegameoutincruisecontrol–awellrunclubplayingattractivefootball.Jesus,I’mjealousoff***ingSwansea.

Newcastle United – Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Haidara, Wijnaldum, Anita, Colback, Sissoko (Taylor), Obertan (Mitrovic), Cisse (Aarons)

Our Fans – 6 – Nowt to shout about

Their Fans – 7 – Always liked them, a good lot.

Media View – ‘Reality check for McLaren as Janmaat sees red’ (Chronicle)

In-Form – Naaah

Out of Form – Janmaat let his side down badly

McClaren Watch – We looked like a Carver side, which up until very recently we were. He’s got time to change that but not an eternity because this was s**t.

MAN UTD 0 NEWCASTLE UNITED 0

Old Trafford, Sat 22nd Aug, 3:00pm, Premier League, Att: 75,354

Our best performance of the season so far saw uswin an unlikely point at Old Trafford in a day whenwe uncharacteristically defended excellently and eventhreatenedonceortwiceattheotherend.TheexcellentMitrovichitthebarwithaheaderinthefirsthalfwithourbestchanceandRooneywascalledoffsidebyawhiskerwhen he put the ball in the net in the first half andalthough they were on top for intervals, we were by nomeanshangingonforgrimlife.

WealmostnickeditneartheendwhenThauvinwasinchesawayfromconnectingwithaCissescuffedeffortinfrontofourownfansbutthentheynearlygotawinnerrightatthedeathwhenSmalling’sheadercamebackoffthepost.Theywerenowtspecialmindandthe‘greatestfansintheworld’respondedinthewaytheydobest intheseparts,booing,f***ingoffearlyandadoptingthatridiculousMancpostureatourcelebratinghordes.Whof***inglovedit.

Newcastle United - Krul, Taylor, Coloccini, Mbemba, Haidara, Wijnaldum (de Jong), Anita, Colback, Perez (Tiote), Obertan (Thauvin), Mitrovic (Cisse)

Our Fans - 9 - Noisy from start to finish

Their Fans - 5 - Most over-rated fans in world football

Media View - ‘Gritty fight earns Old Trafford draw for Newcastle’ (Hartlepool Mail)

In-Form - Coloccini had his best game in a long time

Out of Form - Obertan looked a bit lost at times but it was a fine team effort

McClaren Watch - Getting a point here, no matter how poor the Man United side will do for me.

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 55

NEWCASTLE UTD 4 N’HAMPTON TOWN 1

St. James Park, Tues 25th Aug; 7:45pm, League Cup 2nd Round, Att: 26,923

AniceeasywinandachancefornewboyThauvintoshineagainstmingingoppositionatleastgaveussomethingtocheerinamatchthatwasnevergoingtobea‘bananaskin’.ThauvinhadusoneupafterthreeminutesfromaHaidaracentreandwhenSicknotedeJongflickedaheaderinforoursecondinsidetenminutesweweregettinggiddy.PrizeidiotTiotethencompletelyneedlesslygavethemalifeline,stupidlyhandlingintheboxandtheirbigcentreforwardtwatteditpastDarlow–allthisinthefirsttwelveminutes.

AlovelypassingmovebetweenPerez,deJonganThauvingaveusaglimpseofwhatwemighthave(cough),settingupJanmaattoputitinthefarcorner.ThingsweresoeasythatWilliamsongotafourthfromaheaderwithhalfanhourstilltogo,givingtimeforyoungToneyandMitrovictohavearunoutbutwesettledforfourandaplaceinthehat.Whichofcourseisn’tahatatall.

Newcastle United - Darlow, Janmaat, Lascelles, Williamson, Haidara (Toney) Gouffran, de Jong, Tiote, Thauvin (Mitrovic), Aarons, Perez (Colback)

Our Fans - 6 - Usual sort of League Cup crowd but they enjoyed it

Their Fans - 7 - Gave Toney a good reception

Media View - ‘Thauvin shines on St.James debut’ (Chronicle)

In-Form - Thauvin looked like a world beater. Mind, fourth division side and that

Out of Form - Aarons didn’t look at it

McClaren Watch - First win and no hiccups.

NEWCASTLE UNITED 0 ARSENAL 1

St. James Park, Sat 29th Aug, 12:45pm, Premier League, Att: 50,388

Difficulttosay‘whatmighthavebeen’herebutwhenyou’redown to ten men in reasonably dubious circumstancesandyouconcedetoanowngoal,thenyouhavetherighttofeelatleastalittlebitnarked.Thegamewasn’tdoingmuchwhenMitrovicgotastraightredafterwhatseemedlikenowtmaliciousonFlamini–theladhasn’tgota‘rep’alreadyhashe?Ifhecan’tputalidonit,onethingisforcertain,we’reknackeredasgiventhepaucityofoursquad,he’sgottobethedifferencebetweenusgettingthegoalstostayuporwe’veoffbackdowntotheseconddivisionnextseason.

Intruth,wechasedshadowsfortherestoftheafternoon,roared on by a crowd indignant by Arsenal’s all roundsnideyness.Intheendweheldonuntilthe52ndminuteandthegoalwasajammyoneontheirbehalfasKrulcouldonly parry Ramsey’s shot to Oxlade-Chamberlain, whodespitefluffing itstillsawhiseffortgo inviaaColoccinideflection.Harddonebyornot,we’vegottosortourselvesoutprontoaswe’reonlygoingonewayfast.

Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Haidara, Wijnaldum, Anita (Perez), Colback, Sissoko (Cisse), Thauvin (de Jong), Mitrovic

Our Fans - 8 - Indignant

Their Fans - 7 - Plentiful as ever

Media View - ‘Can McClaren control Aleksander Mitrovic?’ (Independent)

In-Form - Difficult really given the circumstances – Janmaat was possibly the pick

Out of Form - Difficult really because they dug in as a team – I don’t think they’ll be rushing out to buy Sissoko and well, Mitrovic if you class it as a deserved sending off

McClaren Watch - Out of his hands to an extent. Has a real man-management job on his hands to calm Mitrovic whilst still harnessing his radginess to good effect.

www.true-faith.co.uktf 56

WEST HAM UTD 2 NEWCASTLE UNITED 0

Upton Park, Mon 14th Sep, 8:00pm, Premier League, Att: 34,907

A total non-performance from start to finish saw useasilybeatenbytheHammers,withaladbythenameofPayetwhodidn’tfitintoCharnley’smoneyballspreadsheetabsolutelypullingustobits.Arightoldfannyongettingtothegroundmeanttheawayendwasconspicuouslysparseby the time he’d put them one up inside ten minutes,withAnitafannyingaroundfromourownthrowin,beingdispossessedwithPayetgivenallthetimeintheworldtopickhisspotinthetopcorner.

Theyseweditupjustafterhalftimewithanabysmalfreekick from the abysmalThauvin on the edge of their boxleading to a quick break upfield with Moses running thelength of the pitch before hitting the bar, with Payet onhand to knock in the rebound. Perez added a bit of lifewhenhecameonandJanmaatshouldhavescoredinthefirsthalfbutthatreallyispolishingaturdasthisrankeduptherewith someofoureffortsunderPardewandCarver.Terrible.

Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Haidara, Wijnaldum (Aarons), Anita (de Jong), Colback, Sissoko, Thauvin (Perez), Cisse

Our Fans - 6 - F*** on getting there, might as well not have bothered

Their Fans - 8 - Good. For all it’s flaws, I’ll miss Upton Park and fear the atmosphere at the Olympic Stadium will be nowhere near as good

Media View - ‘Payet at the double as midfielder steals show by delivering Hammer blow to flightless Magpies’ (Mail)

In-Form - Perez looked bright when he came on. The starting XI were all terrible.

Out of Form - Christ. Thauvin was s**te, Wijnaldum might as well not have been there, Cisse didn’t try and the defence was cack. Other than that....

McClaren Watch - Totally insipid, no leadership or direction on the pitch, he can f*** off with the one up front bollocks as well. Especially when the ‘one’ was as bad as Cisse

NEWCASTLE UNITED 1 WATFORD 2

St. James Park, Sat 19th Sep, 3:00pm, Premier League, Att: 47,806

Wheredowegofromthisonethen?Outplayed,outfoughtandout-thoughtbytherelegationfavouritesatthestartoftheseasononadaywhenyoustartedtowonderwhetherthechickenshadcomehometoroost. Atleastthreeofourstartinglineupwereadisgrace–Coloccinigotraggedall overbya ladwithno finessebutplentyof bottle inDeeney,Thauvinwas luckyto lasttillhalf timegivenhisamazing achievement of finding one of their men afterevery singlepassandCisse is rapidly losing thegoodwillhe’searnedatthisclub.

As well as Deeney, they had a very smart operator inIghaloandheputthemaheadwhentheypassedstraightthroughus.Hissecondwasashocker–DeeneywasabletocontrolalongballwithabsolutelyzerochallengefromCaptainF***ingMarvelandleisurelyslipathroughballtoIghalotoscorehissecond. Janmaat,yetagainourmainattackingthreatpulledonebackfromusbutweendedupwithexactlywhatwedeservedfromthegame–f***all.

Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Haidara (Aarons), Wijnaldum, Thauvin (Obertan), Colback, Sissoko, Perez, Cisse (de Jong)

Our Fans - 5 - Worn down by it all

Their Fans - 7 - Enjoyed their day out, pretty good I thought

Media View - ‘Club makes worst start in 29 years’ (Shields Gazette)

In-Form - Perez if I had to pick anyone at gunpoint

Out of Form - All awful, Cisse and Thauvin especially rank.

McClaren Watch - Terrible result and the approach was all wrong, defensively a shambles.

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 57

NEWCASTLE UNITED 0 SHEFF WED 1

St. James Park, Wed 23rd Sep, 7:45pm, League Cup 3rd Round, Att: 33,986

AhGodman,Imeanthisisasbadasitgets,uptherewiththeBrightonandStevenagefiascosofrecentyearsasweweredeservedlybeatenbySheffWed’sreserveside. Wehadactually linedupwitha‘strong’ sidebutwereutters**te, barely creating a chance and looking vulnerableeverytimetheybroke.Themainsurprisewasthatittookthem to the 76th minute to score the only goal of thegame.Theircentreforwardwasallowedtobringalongballdownonhisthighinthebox,havetimetoturnandshootpastaterribleKrulwhoshouldhavesaveditcomfortably.Readthatsentenceagain.

They should have buried it but contrived to hit the barfromaninchoutwithanopengoalanddeJonghadtwogoodchancesforusatthedeathbuttheboneidlec**tfluffedbothofthemandabigpartofmewasrelievedhehadasanotherhalfanhourwatchingthatgarbagewouldhavebeentheend

Newcastle United – Krul, Janmaat (Mbabu), Lascelles, Mbemba, Williamson, Wijnaldum, de Jong, Anita, Thauvin (Perez) Sissoko, Obertan (Toney) of me. Just piss off man, will yas?

Our Fans – 5 – Excellent turn out at this stage, understandably disgusted by the ‘product’ on the field

Their Fans – 9 – Excellent, loads of them and very noisy – wish they were back up in the top flight

Media View – ‘Steve McLaren’s Newcastle booed after defeat by Sheffield Wednesday’ (Guardian)

In-Form – God, erm....nope.

Out of Form – Collectively hideous with special mention for Thauvin who was plain disgraceful

McClaren Watch – The first major stain on his management for me. Fans remember minging cup performances and the start of the very long end for Pardew was Brighton in my eyes.

NEWCASTLE UNITED 2 CHELSEA 2

St. James Park, Sat 26th Aug, 5:30pm, Premier League, Att: 48,682

WhatisitaboutChelseathatdragsusintolife(otherthanthefactthattheyareutterbastards)?Latekickoff,belliesfullofale, acommonenemy–SJPcan stillbe fantasticwhenit’s likethis. Aftertherunwe’dbeenon,everyonewasexpectingtobewatchingthisthroughtheirfingersbutintheend,wejustranoutofthesteamthatwouldhavegivenusafamouswin.We’dbeenontopapproachinghalftime when the magnificentAyoze Perez killed a mis**tcrossbeforesmashingtheballpastBegovic–delirium.

If things felt surreal, the acid really started kicking inwhenwedoubledourleaguedirectlyfromacorner,withWijnaldumrisingtoheadPerezcrosshome–Jesus! Welookedwellincontrolbeforeadoublesubstitutionturnedthegame.Still,therewasonlytenminutesleftwhenoneofthosesubsRamiressmashedathunderbolt inthetopcorner and all of a sudden we looked dead on our feet.Heartbreakingly,theothersubWillianequalisedwithfiveminutesleftwhenhewhippedafreekickoverthateverybugger, including Krul missed with it ending up in thebottomcorner–similartoMilner’sagainsttheMackemsafewyearsbackandjustass**te.Still,greatpointandafewsmilesagain–wondersnevercease.

Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Mbabu, Wijnaldum Anita, Colback (Obertan), Sissoko, (de Jong) Perez, Mitrovic (Toney)

Our Fans - 9 - Excellent, SJP was bouncing as it was last time they came here

Their Fans - 6 - Good numbers, barely heard a peep from them till they scored

Media View - ‘Late agony for McClaren’s side’ (Shields Gazette)

In-Form - An excellent team performance so difficult to pick one but Mbabu had a great debut

Out of Form - Sissoko wasn’t great, but it’s splitting hairs

McClaren Watch - Got it right, went at them with a much higher tempo than we had been playing and we just tired.

www.true-faith.co.uktf 58

MAN CITY 6 NEWCASTLE UNITED 1

Etihad, Sat 3rd Oct, 3:00pm, Premier League, Att: 53,850

Istherenoendtotheheadf***thatisNUFC?No-onebutno-oneexpectedanythingotherthanahowkingherebutthemannerofthisonedefiedbelief. At40minutes,wecouldandshouldhavebeenthreeupafterMitrovicscored,hadoneincorrectlyruledoutforoffsideandmissedaclearchanceandweweredominatingthegame.Halfanhourlaterwewere6-1downand lookingdownthebarrelofdoublefigures–howayman,whodoesthat?

Inmitigation,Aguerowasinmodernparlance‘unplayable’andhegotfiveofthosesixwiththeexcellentDeBruyneputting the other in the top corner and we simplycapitulated. Poor defending from Mbemba gave themthe first and Silva pulled us all over the place for mostoftheothers–amixofexcellentgoalsandf***witteddefending.Noleadershipwhatsoever,whichwe’veknownforyears.Itdon’tlookpretty.

Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Mbabu (Lascelles), Wijnaldum Anita, Gouffran (Thauvin), Sissoko (Tiote) Perez, Mitrovic

Our Fans - 7 - Stunned to be ahead after 40 minutes, even more stunned half an hour later

Their Fans - 6 - Mehhhhh

Media View -‘Sensational Ageuro bags five to stun the Toon’ (Star)

In-Form - Sergio Aguero

Out of Form - Ha ha, take your pick. What Gouffran was doing starting is anyone’s guess

McClaren Watch - The half time team talk must have been something special

NEWCASTLE UNITED 6 NORWICH CITY 2

St. James Park, Sun 18th Oct, 4:00pm, Premier League, Att: 47,006

Whoooahyabuggerwheredidthatcomefrom?AwelcomeifunexpectedwinhauledusoffthebottomandbroughtupthequizquestionofwhendidaUnitedmidfielderlastscorefourgoals inagame(I’mstillnotsure!). Insummation...Sissoko cleverly played inWijnaldum for our first beforetheyequalised through rankbaddefending,mainly fromJanmaat.SissokoagainprovidedthecrossforWijnaldumforthesecondandheheadedhomebeforePerezputusthreeoneupwitha shot into thebottomcornerbeforetheypulledanotherbackinverysimilarcircumstancestotheirsecond.3-2halftime.

They then dominated the first twenty minutes of thesecondhalf, lookedacertainty to scorebeforecultheroMitroviccontrolledandlashedahalfvolleyinattheLeazes,leavingWijnaldumtoget firsthishat trickwithanotherheaderandthenhisfourthwithaslightlyjammydeflected

true faith is available to take selected advertising for your products and services. Advertising from the true faith website, fanzine, newsletter and other channels will reach a North Eastern, national and international audience.

Wecandiscussreasonableratesondealsthatsuityouandyourbusiness.

truefaithisoneofthemostwidelyread,respectedandbestknownclubfootballfanzinesinthecountry.

truefaithwasestablishedin1999.

To discuss potential advertising, please contact editor@true-faith.co.uk

Advertise with true faith

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 59

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 60www.true-faith.co.uktf 60

effortfromoutsidethebox.FourassistsfromSissoko,eightgoalsintotal.Mental.Wouldn’tmindarepeatofthiscarryonnextSunday!

Newcastle United - Krul, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Dummett (Haidara), Wijnaldum, Tiote (Anita), Colback, Sissoko, Perez, Mitrovic (Cisse)

Our Fans - 7 - More than happy with that second half

Their Fans - 6 - Likeable if a bit quiet

Media View - ‘Wijnaldum bags four to ease pressure on McLaren’ (Telegraph)

In-Form - If Wijnaldum doesn’t get man of the match after scoring four from midfield, then he’s never going to get it.

Out of Form - Tiote man – Jesus!

McClaren Watch - A huge improvement and good to see persistence with Mitro and Perez up front. Big confidence boost ahead of next weekend.

SUNDERLAND 3 NEWCASTLE UNITED 1

Stadium of Light, Sun 25th Oct, 12:00, Premier League, Att: 47,653

Theunthinkablebecame thinkable, if that’s evenawordandabonkersgamesawusclockupsixstraightdefeatsagainst (and we say this every year) a truly shockingSunderland side. You can’t overplay the level of ourdominanceinthefirsthalf–wewereabsolutelyalloverthemandcouldeasilyhavebeenaheadfromeffortsfromColbackandColoccinibeforedisasterstruckandColoccinisawredandconcededapenaltyfromwhatwasatworsta70/30challengeonFletcher. AllegedsexcaseJohnsonscoredthepenaltyandtosayitwasagainsttherunofplaywouldbetosaythathe*REMOVEDONLEGALADVICE*withthatlass.

Westillshouldhavegoneontogetsomethingwithtenmen and Mitrovic missed a golden opportunity to levelwhenhecut insidebutshotstraightatPantillimon. WeremainedthebettersideuntilBillyJones,whichisthenameofapainterdecorator,stoleintogettheirsecondandtheirthirdfromAdamJohnsonwhohadbeen*REMOVEDONLEGALADVICE*tothatlasstookthepiss.

It’shappenedsooftenoflatethatwe’redowntorankingthedefeatsinorder–fortherecord,Iwasnowherenearasangryaslastyearbutequallydespondentasafterthefirstthree-nilatourplace.

Thesearedarktimes.

Newcastle United – Eliott, Janmaat, Coloccini, Mbemba, Dummett, Sissoko, Colback (Lascelles), Tiote (Anita), WIJNALDUM, Perez, Mitrovic

Our Fans - 6 - Noisy in the first half, slipped into familiar numbness in the second

Their Fans - 6 - Very noisy after the goals but you got the sense that even they knew they’d dodged a bullet

In Form - Wijnaldum and Sissoko dominated in the first half

Out of Form - Dummett was s**te and Tiote is a f***ing joke, stop playing the twat for God’s sake

Media View - ‘Six in a row as Cats break their duck’ (Sunderland Echo)

McClaren Watch - Ten games, one win, second bottom.

Gareth Harrison - Follow Gareth on @truefaith1892

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 61CONTENTS

CLICK HERE TO JOIN www.nust.org.uk

Join us now and become part of the only official NUFCsupporterstrustandconnectwiththousandsoflike-mindedNUFCfansonourblogsandsocialnetworks.Together,wecanpushforpositivechangeforourFootballClub.

Joiningisquickandeasy,andyoucandoitonlineandpaywithyoucredit/debitcardorPayPalaccount.

Click heretojoinonlinenowfromjust£5peryear!

MEMBERSHIP PACKAGES

Adults (18-60) £10.00 p/a

Junior (16-17) £5.00 p/a

Junior (under 16) £5.00 p/a

Retired (60+) £5.00 p/a

JOIN TODAY

JOIN THE NUST TODAYTHEREAREFANS...ANDTHEREAREFOOTBALLFANS.ANDTHENOFCOURSE,THEREARENEWCASTLEUNITEDFANS.

END OF EMPIREPETER SAGAR

Itisafactofhistorythatempiresriseandfall.TheoncemightyandproudRomanEmpirecollapsedinthe5thcenturyADasRomewassackedandeventhereturninglegionscoulddonothingtopreventit.SimilarlytheBritshEmpire,thebiggesttheworldhaseverseen,fadedinafewyearsintheexhaustedaftermathoftheSecondWorldWar.Andthenwehavethefallanddeclineofbusinessempires.EventsinthelastweekorsohavemademewonderifwearebeginingtoseethedeclineandfalloftheAshleyempire.

The last few days haveseen David Forsey, thechief executive of SportsDirect, charged with acriminaloffence,relatingtothe collapse of its fashionretailer USC. The chargeinvolves disrespectfulbehaviour towardswarehousestaffinScotland,around200ofwhomweregiven just 15 minutesnotice of redundancy, socontraveningsection194oftheTradeUnionandLabour

Relations(Consolidation)Act 1992. Thiskind of appallingbehaviour inconnectionwithSports Direct,will of coursecome as nogreatsurpriseto anybodywho hasw a t c h e dM i k eA s h l e yand the

disrespectful mannerin which he treats hisworkforce....and thesupporters of NewcastleUnited.

Ashley seems to be happytobesomebodywhocomesacross as a mean-spiritedsociopath who cares onlyfor himself, his familyand his friends. Perhapsof greater significance inrelation to the charging ofForseyiswherethecriminalinvestigation might spread.Thoseofyouawareofthehistory of the WatergateScandal will know that itbeganwiththosewaydownthe‘foodchain’,moveduptothelikesofMitchellandHalderman,beforeknockingon the door of theWhiteHouse itself and claimingthe presidency of RichardNixon.Canweassumethatjustasthemanyproblemsat Newcastle United areultimatelyAshley’sfault,sothebuckatSportsDirectalsostopsatAshley’sdesk?One

www.true-faith.co.uktf 62

has to wonder just wherecriminal investigations intotherunningofSportsDirectmightlead.

This week also sawthe shocking news in aBBC investigation, thatambulances had beencalled to Sports Direct’sShirebrook clearing houseno fewer than82 times inin2013and2014,asstaffweretooworriedtostayoffworkforfearoflosingwhatlittle jobsecuritytheyhad.Incidentsincluded36casesclassedas‘life-threatening’,a52-year-oldwhosuffereda stroke in the warehousecanteen after being tooafraidtostayoffworkandawomanwhogavebirthinawarehousetoilet.ThisisofcourseallinlinewithSportsDirect’ssixstrikesandyou’reoutpolicyofpettyoffences,which Ashley is using aspartofhisDickensianwayofoperating.

It was also reported thatUnite the Union werebecoming more heavilyinvolved in campaigningagainst the workingconditionsatSportsDirect.And this is where theremightjustbeopportunitiesfor joint campaigningbetweenNewcastleUnited

supporters and Unite toachieveallourgoals.

There can be little doubtI feel, that the workingconditionsatSportsDirectare getting more publicitythan they otherwisewould do, because ofAshley’s involvement withNewcastle United. If weassumethattobethecasethen the more supporterswork with Unite to linkAshley and NewcastleUnited with Sports Direct,thenthemorepublicitytheissues will receive and themorelikelyitisthatpressurewill mount on Ashley tochange the disgracefulworkingpracticesatSportsDirect. This will of courseplease Unite, but whatwould Newcastle Unitedsupportersgetoutofit?

Well for years now pollafter poll have suggestedthat the overwhelmingmajority of NewcastleUnited supporters wantto seeAshley sell theclub.SpeakingpersonallyIagreewith what Kevin Keeganstated seven long yearsago,thatNewcastleUnitedwill never get anywhereunder the ownership ofMikeAshley.Nowthereisasayingthatthereisnosuch

thingasbadpublicity,butI

don’tbelieveawordofit....

just ask Gerald Ratner. If

supporters groups, working

withUniteandothers,can

convince Ashley that his

connectionwithNewcastle

United is starting to

seriouslyharmthebusiness

hereallycaresabout,Sports

Direct,thenIthinkhemight

quiteeasilycomeroundto

theviewthathangingonto

Newcastle United is not

worth the effort. Then all

supporters would have to

worryabout iswhoAshley

sellstheclubto.Butatleast,

after the darkness of the

lastfewyears,afewraysof

hopemightjustbreakout...

It is in the interest of all

those who are appalled

by Ashley’s disrespect

of both his workforce at

SportsDirectandthelong-

suffering supporters of a

once proud football club

to getAshley to finally do

the decent things; to treat

his workforce better and

sell Newcastle United to

thosewhomightreallycare

abouttheclub,itstraditions

anditssupportersandwork

intheirintereststotakethe

clubforward.

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 63

the shocking news in a BBC investigation, that ambulances had been called to Sports Direct’s Shirebrook clearing house no fewer than 82 times in in 2013 and 2014, as staff were too worried to stay off work for fear of losing what little job security they had.

Regular readers will know John Milton, formerly of the East End Favela of Heaton has been living in Rio for a good few years now and has absorbed his new football culture without entirely ever being able to stop scratching his Newcastle United itch...

Theeditorhasbeennaggingmeformonthstocomeupwith a list of my favouriteBrazilianplayersofalltime.I hope you can appreciatewhyI’vebeenavoidingthechallenge like the plague -it’sanimpossibletask.

Sohereismypersonaltop5. I’m certain that therewon’t be many who agreewith my pick - but this ismypersonaltop5,notthetop5agreedonbyexpertsandpunditsorvotedonbythepublic.It’salsoalistof

playerswhohavecapturedmy imagination, whoseauras of legend extendbeyond the white lines ofthepitch–playerswhoaremuchmorethantheirtitles,goalsandstatscanpossiblyconvey.

I’ve excluded players thatwill probably have youscratching your headwondering why. Neymar,forexample.Hedidn’tevencome close. There’s nodoubt that he’s head andshoulders above any other

member of the currentseleção in terms of, well,everything;pace,touch,skill.Buthedidn’tmakemyliston the grounds that, well,he’sabitofat**t,isn’the?Likewise, you’re not goingto see Rivaldo, Robinho,Romario or Ronaldinhohere.Great,greatplayers–justwithoutthatcultstatusto make my list! I betthey’redevastated.

Peléisdefinitelythesecondbest Brazilian player ofall-time, no-one would

begrudgehimthat.It’sjustthat after he hung up hisboots it became obviouswhat a tit he is. He hasspoutedsomuchcrapsinceending his career at NewYork Cosmos (things likeNicky Butt being the bestplayer at the 2002 WorldCup,forexample)thateverytime a Brazilian sees himon TV they visibly cringe,fearing whatever drivelhe may be embarrassingthemwiththistime. Evenwhenhetookonthemostevil administrators the

www.true-faith.co.uktf 64

JOHN MILTON Follow on @ Geordioca

The boy from brazil

Quem é o Craque?

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 65

sport has ever endured,Havelange andTeixeira, hedidn’tmanage toearnanycredence. Hewenttowarwith them over money,but having had his nosestuck firmly in the FIFA/Havelange/Teixeria/CBFtroughsthroughoutthe70’sand 80’s he came acrossas hypocritical and greedyrather than the people’schamp he craved to be.Definitelynotcoolenoughformylist…

Of all my ‘almost-rans’,Marta is probably the onemost deserving of a placein my final 5. She hasdonemoreforthewomen’sgame than all of the USAstar players and England’sKellySmithcombined.Thegreatest female player ofall time, she has won theFIFA World Player of theyear award 5 times has

beenrunner-upafurther4times. Incredible! Havingto play all over the USAand Sweden just to earnthe recognition and cashthatheroutstandingtalentdeserves is something thatwould be unimaginable tohermalecounterparts.

There really are too manyBrazilian legends of thegame to mention, solet’s cut to the chase andknuckle down to my Top5 Brazilian Legends of theGame.

O Diamante Negro - Leônidas (1913 – 2004)O diamante negro (TheBlackDiamond)iswithouta doubt one of the mostimportant Brazilianplayerstohaveevertakento the field. Not onlywas he an outstandingstriker, but he was alsoat the forefront of the

fight against prejudicein the Brazilian game; hewas one of the vanguardof black players, one ofthe few blacks to breakinto the top flight teams.When he signed for theelite club Flamengo in1936 he became oneof the very first blackplayers to representthe Brazilian giants. Heand his fellow black andmulato players duringthe ‘20’s and ‘30’s weretrailblazers, opening thegatesforthedarkskinnedplayers who followed intheir wakes into the, upuntil then, exclusivelywhite, upper-class worldof futebol. By the timeLeônidassignedforFla,hehad already won the RioState Championship withbothVascodaGamaandBotafogo and he wouldgoontowinitagainwith‘Mengo. After this thirdsuccesshemoved toSãoPauloFCwherehewouldwin the São Paulo StateChampionship 5 times.As for the canarinhos,he represented Brazil at2 World Cups (1934 &’38) scoring a total of 9tournament goals andendingthe’38tournamentas top scorer. HisWorldCup goals contributed tohis astounding statof37goals in 37 appearancesforthenationalteam.Ontopofallthishewasalsoa pioneer of the game:it was Leônidas whoinvented the bicycle kick,firstusingitin1932whileplaying for Bonsucesso!Legend?Withoutadoubt.

A Enciclopédia – Nílton Santos (1925 – 2013)

One of the greatestdefenders the game hasseen, Nílton Santos pliedhis trade at left back forBotafogoandBrazil.Hewasamemberofthatexclusiveclub – a one club player.Having come through‘Fogo’s youth setup heplayed with the alvinegroteam until he retired in1964, having picked up ahatful of club honours tocomplimenthis2WorldCupwinnermedalsfromthe’58and’62tournaments.Afterretirement Santos wenton to become a highlyrespectedfootballjournalistand pundit, puttinghis famous wealth ofknowledge(ashisnicknamesuggests) to good use for

www.true-faith.co.uktf 66

the good of his audience.Santos earned his place inmy list thanks to the parthe played in transformingthe game. He was thefirst defender to push upthe pitch and join in withthe attack, so successfulwas this new role of anattacking fullback that itbecameatrademarkoftheBraziliangame,infact,youcould almost say that thepositionisnowsynonymouswith the yellow jersey. Itallowed Brazil to line upwith a flat back 4, safe inthe knowledge that whileinpossessiontheywouldn’tbe short in attack as theycould rely on the 2 fullbackstobombonandaddtoweightinnumbersgoingforward. He is quoted assaying he didn’t envy themodernplayertheirsalariesandriches,onlythefreedomthey enjoyed in attack –a great sentiment. Santosearned the Left Back spotin Fifa’s‘Teamof the20thCentury’, and few wouldargue with his inclusion.Still held inhigh regardbyboth Brazil and Botafogofans, his skill, knowledgeand technique has helpedmaintainthemythicalstatusofhis playingdaysdespitepassing away so recently.It was with great reliefwhenIdiscoveredthattheBotafogo fans lobbied theclubandmanagedtohavethenameof their stadiumchanged in his honour,afterbeingnamedaftertheodiousJoãoHavelangetheynow play their games inthegloriouslytitledEstádioNíltonSantos.

O Furacão – Jairzinho (1944 - )OFuracão (TheHurricane)earnedhisnicknamethankstohisexploitsatthe1970World Cup in Mexico aspart of the team widelyregarded as the greatestteam to ever have playedon the world stage. Ihad to include one of the1970 Brazilians, obviously,and even though Pelé hasbeendiscountedduetohispost-playing shenanigans Iwasstill leftwithawealthof potential candidates –Tostão, Gérson, AlbertoCarlos,Rivelino…Notabadbunch to pick from. Butit’s Jairzinho who narrowlygetsthenod.Hefamouslyscored in every game heplayed in thetournament,oneof only twoplayers tohave doneso (the otherbeing theU r u g u a y a n ,Gigghia,in1950).He managed toachieve thisf e a t

despitehavingtoovercomethe biggest obstacleimaginable. Jairzinhopliedhistradeontherightwing-thepositionthatwasheld,bothatclubandcountry,byhisidol:Garrincha.ItmusthavebeenanoverwhelmingtaskfortheyoungJairzinho,tostepoutfromthelongestof long shadows cast bythegreatestBrazilianplayerof all time, but he did itwith aplomb. Not once,but twice. He first hadto convince the fans atBotafogo that he was therightful heir to Garrincha’sNo. 7 shirt, and then hehad to overcome thedoubterswhenhepulledonthe famous yellow jerseyof the seleção. There was

no way Jairzinhocould match

G a r r i n c h ain terms ofd r i b b l i n g ,t r i c k s ,ginga or

entertainmentvalue (although

he did

have more than his fairshare of these attributes),but he was able to addpace,poweranddirectnessto his game. This madehim a nightmare for anyfullback to deal with – itreally was like a hurricanebearing down on themon the wing. The secretweaponinthegreatesteverteam,theskillstoeasethepain of losing a club andnational legend,andakickassafrotoboot.

O Doutor – Sócrates (1954 – 2011)I think it’s fair to saythat Sócrates embodieseverything that we in thetfbunkerdigaboutfootball.His father foresaw greatthings inhisnewbornson

andsogavehimanametoliveupto(ohaye,Sócratesis no nickname, his fullname is Sócrates BrasileiroSampaiodeSouzaVieiradeOliveira–amouthfulevenbyBrazilianstandards!)andI think it’s fair to say helived up to his grandiosename–andthensome!Anamazingtalentonthepitch,a huge intellect off it, atraineddoctorofmedicine(hence the nickname),writer,politicallyengaged,

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 67

journalist, outspokenactivist against oppressiveclub regimes, heavysmoker, drinker and allround bon viveur. In anera in which his countrywas run by an oppressivemilitary dictatorshipwhich outlawed, andbrutally punished, anyform of workers’ union ororganisation, Sócrates didjustthat.Asthestarplayerof one of Brazil’s biggestclubs,Corinthians, Sócratesorganised the CorinthiansDemocracy movement –a movement in which theplayerstookcontrolof therunning of the club. At atime when clubs were runinmuchthesamemanneras the country was beingrunbythedictatorship,theCorinthians Democracy

movement was seen asa protest of, and a directchallenge to, the rulingmilitary junta: the clubtook on the metaphoricalembodimentofthecountrywiththeplayerstakingtheplace of the people. Thiswas a highly risky snub tothe authorities both at hisclub and in Brasilia. Theplayersvotedonallmatterswhich affected them,from training methods tomeal times, from squadsto tactics. Although thisperiod was not the club’smost successful, its motto“winorlose,butalwayswithdemocracy” is a powerfulstatement, even in today’sfreesociety. Back in1980whenyouwere livingyourlife under a dictatorshipthose words must have

struck a cord. As you’dexpect,withSócratesatitshead, the movement waspolitically engaged outsideoftheclub,too.Theplayersfamouslyvotedinfavourofwearingstripswith‘Voteonthe15th’printedonthem–acall to their fans to takepart in the country’s firstmulti-party election sincethe military coup of ’64.On the pitch, the thoughtof Sócrates brings backmemoriesofthatheadbandwithamopofhairsproutingout above it, wrappedaround one of the mostcerebral, intelligent brainsto have played the game.Long-limbed and elegant,he would confidentlystride forward towardsthe opposition box beforethreadingaballthroughtheeyeofaneedle,consistentlymakingtheassist farmoreimpressivethanthegoal.Ifhewasn’tlayinggoldeneggsforhisteammatestoprofitfrom, he was unleashingthunderbastards™ from20yards out. He captainedone of the World Cup’sgreatest teams: the Brazil

1982 squad managed tocramthemidfieldbrillianceof Sócrates, Zico, Junior,CerezoandEderintoamad4-2-2-2 formation. Andfinally,whatawaytobringthe curtain down on suchaglitteringcareerthana1monthcontractatGarforthTownAFCwhichculminatedinasubsappearanceagainstTadcasterattheageof50.A pioneer of the disguisedbackheel pass (CalcanhardeOuro(GoldenHeel)wasacommonmoniker),asfaras football’s‘KingsofCool’go,you’dhavetoputsomecase forward to topple ODoutor from his rightfulthrone.

A Alegria do Povo –

Garrincha (1933 – 1983)

Thebestwaytoappreciate

who Garrincha was, in

termsof footballingability,

private lifeandmentally, is

to try to imagine a hybrid

ofGazza andGeorge Best,

withalltheirtalentandall

their addictions, all their

naïveté and all their lust

for life - times it by 10

andyou’dbegettingclose.

Garrincha was born in a

small town outside Rio de

Janeiro called Pão Grande,

he was born into a simple

life to simple parents and

with legsbentandtwisted

www.true-faith.co.uktf 68

tothepointwherehereallyshouldn’thavebeenabletowalk, let alone kick a ball.Hisrightlegbentoutwardsand his left leg bentinwards, some people saythat this deformity helpedto confuse his opponents,whetherornotthatistrue,itisthereasonwhyhewassometimes referred to aso anjo com pernas tortas(TheAngelwithBentLegs).

Growing up in his smallbackwater town he wasabletopursuehis3passions–women,drinkandfootball(inthatorder),andhehadanotoriousappetiteforall3.Afterfailingtogetpickedbysome of Rio’s bigger clubs(they probably decided itwasn’tworthitafterseeinghislegs),hewaspersuadedtogiveBotafogoatry.Icanonlyimagineitwasacrueljoke, but when Manuel

Francisco dos Santos fromthe countryside rockedup with his bent legs, thecoaches decided it wouldbe fun to see him suffer,so they threw him in atthe deep end. Garrinchalined up against noneother than Brazil left back-NíltonSantos.Attheendofhis trial,SantosgrabbedGarrinchaanddraggedhimstraighttotheclubPresidentanddemandedhesigntheyoung winger there andthen,“sothat Ineverhaveto face him again!” Truestory. Garrincha spent thenext 13 years destroying,toying with, humiliatingand turning insideoutanypoorleftbackwhosejobitwastotrytostophim.He’dregularlyturnaLBinknots,land him on his arse, andratherthankickontowardsgoalhe’dstop,goback,waitforthedefendertogetback

on his feet and do it allagain! But when he wastoying with his opponentshe wasn’t trying tohumiliatethemonpurpose– the defining aspect ofGarrincha’sgameisthatheplayedforfun–whetheritwas a kick around in PãoGrande with his mates, infrontofapackedMaracanãwith Botafogo or winningtheWorld Cup in Swedenwith Brazil it was alwaysjustagameforhim.Hedidnothing but entertain thecrowds–andhewaslovedforit.OneofthethingsthatgrabbedmyattentionwhenI firstdiscoveredGarrinchawas his nickname; theseare vitally important inBrazilian culture and the

namesthathavebeengivento Brazil’s best have beenstrong, imposingnames:ORei (The King – Pelé), OImperador (The Emperor –Adriano),Ofenômino(ThePhenomenon – Ronaldo)and yet Garrincha – thegreatest of them all, ispraised for the gentlest ofgifts – bringing joy to thepeople.

Being blunt about it,Garrincha was thick. Hewas untrainable. Coacheswould go over tactics andstrategy for hour after

hour with him, he’d sayhe understood, get on thetraining pitch and woulddo anything but what thecoach had asked him todo. Exasperated, the coachwouldgivehimabollocking,he’dshrughisshouldersandsay,“ButIscored.”Herarelyknew who he was playing– and I’m not just talkingabout which defenders hewasup against; Imeanhehadnoideawhichclubhe’dbeplaying.Thereareplentyofstoriesabouthimputtinghissocksonandaskinghisteammateswhotheywereabout to play. Names ofopponentsandteammateswere difficult for him soeveryonewas‘João’(‘John’).It didn’t matter, he’d get

theballanddowhathedidbest–he’ddribble.

In the 13 years thatGarrincha played for thenational team, Brazil neverlost when Garrincha andPelélineduptogether.Notonce.Inthebuilduptothe’58WorldCupeveryonewastalking about the Sovietsand their new, scientificapproach to sports, andfootball in particular. ThelooselydisciplinedBrazilianswere worried – but noamount of sports sciencecan account for pure

Garrincha lined up against none other than Brazil left back - Nílton Santos. At the end of his trial, Santos grabbed Garrincha and dragged him straight to the club President and demanded he sign the young winger there and then, “so that I never have to face him again!”

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 69

genius. It was Brazil, andGarrinchainparticular,thattook immediate controlof their groupmatch. Thefirst3minutesofthegame,whichincluded3Garrinchadribbles and his hittingthe post, are consideredto be the best 3 minutesof football ever produced.The Brazilians got to thefinalwheretheybeattheirhosts 5-2. It was a bitif a disappointment toGarrincha,“Is that it? Butin the Carioca (Rio StateChampionship) we playthem twice!” As well aswinning the world cup heevenmanagedtofatheranillegitimate son to one ofhis hotel’s chambermaids,therascal.

4yearslaterGarrinchahadestablished himself as oneof the leading players oftheseleçãoandwhenPelégot injured in the secondgroup match Garrinchabecamethemainman.Hewentontodowhatonly1other player in the historyofthesporthaseverdone– single handedly won a

WorldCup.HecarriedtheBrazil team to the semi-final where he received ared card at the endof thematch against the hosts,Chile,havingfinallyreactedto the rough treatmenthehadbeenreceivingfromhisopponents and the crowd.Somehow*ahem*theCBFwasable toappeal againsthis ban for the final so heplayed, Brazil won, andGarrincha was on top oftheworld.

I mentioned Best andGazzaearlier,andlikethemGarrinchawasanalcoholic.While training he’d showthe manager that he wasdrinkingwaterbuttheclearliquid in his water bottlewasneatcachaça.LikeBestandGazzathedemondrinkwoulddragGarrinchadowntohispredictable,inevitableandshockinglysaddemise.Ashegotolderandhisbodycouldnolongerprocesstheamounts of alcohol beinginflicted on it he began tolosehispace.Hewasunfit.Hewasbeingfoundoutbynormal,everydaydefenders.

His personal life was intatters – he was marriedtohischildhoodsweetheartbut she never left PãoGrande– she stayed therewiththeir7daughterswhilehechasedskirtalloverRio.Whilstdrinkdrivinghehada head-on collision with alorry,theaccidentkilledhispassengerimmediately–hismother-in-law. Botafogobegan to abuse their starby signing up for gruellingtoursaroundEuropetoplayexhibitionmatchesinwhichGarrincha was contractedto play, but his kneescouldn’tcopesohereceivedinjections tohold thepainatbayjustlongenoughtofulfil his obligations. Hewasn’t clever enough tonegotiatethebusinessside

of his career – he would

signblankcontractsaslong

as the club would keep

him in beer money. He

wasdragged toEngland in

1966, old, overweight and

finished-hewasashadow

ofhisformerself.Hecame

homeanddivorcedhiswife

to shack up with samba

singer Elza Soares which

made him a villain in the

eyesofthecatholicpublic.

Botafogo threw him out

and he bounced around

from club to club trying

to reignite his career. He

neverdid.

ManéGarrinchadiedatthe

age of 49 of cirrhosis of

the liver, in the street and

broke.Hewasthebrightest

star to have shone on our

gameandhewasdiscarded,

neglected by his friends,

his clubs and his country.

He should always be

rememberedwithprideby

theBraziliansasareminder

ofwhattheyhavebrought,

and what they can still

bring,toojogobonito,but

theyshouldalsoremember

him with deep shame as

a reminder what they, as

a society, are capable of

doing–eventothosethat

bring so much joy to so

many.

Players In Cost

Wijnaldum £14,500,000

Mitrovic £13,000,000

Mbemba £6,900,000

Toney £300,000

Thauvin £12,000,000

Total £46,700,000

Players Out Cost

Alnwick Released

RyanTaylor Released

Gutierrez Released

Campbell Released

Streete Free

Abeid £1,500,000

Santon £2,800,000

Total £4,300,000

WhentheTrueFaitheditoraskedmetowritea3,000wordarticleonwhetherNewcastlehadspentenoughcashoverthesummer,Ididn’tthinkitwouldbeaproblembutwasunlikelytotakethefull3,000words.InfactIcouldprobablymanageitinasinglesyllable(itrhymeswith“woe”).

“ANDY - CAN YOU ASSESS WHETHER THE CLUB INVESTED ALL IT COULD OVER THE SUMMER? 3000 WORDS”

www.true-faith.co.uktf 70

When the True Faitheditor asked me to writea 3,000 word article onwhether Newcastle hadspent enough cash overthesummer,Ididn’tthinkitwouldbeaproblembutwas unlikely to take thefull 3,000 words. In factI could probably manageit in a single syllable (itrhymeswith“woe”).

At the time of writing,with 8 games gone, wesit bottom of the Leaguewiththesamenumberofpoints as I have on mydrivinglicence.Andthat’s

despite spending nearly

£50m in the summer.

But who knows, with the

purchaseofCharlieAustin,

we might have been

hitting the dizzy heights

ofsecondbottombynow.

As supporters, no matter

whatisspentbytheclub,

we always think that we

shouldbepushingforthat

extra signing, that final

pieceof the jigsaw (or in

our case the first piece).

But realistically, did we

spendallthatwecouldin

thesummer?

Well despite supporterdemandsandexpectations,therearecertainlimitstowhataclubcanspend:

1. the funds that the club has accrued through their business activities and;

2. the amount the club are prepared to borrow;

3. the amount that the bank are prepared to lend the club;

4. the personal wealth of the owner and how much of that personal wealth

they are prepared to invest in the club;

5. compliance with the Financial Fair Play Regulations;

6. anticipated future earnings;

7. Whether the appropriate players are prepared to come to NUFC?

Butbeforewehavealookat all that, let’s have arecapofwhatweactuallydid spend in the summerand how it compared tootherclubs.

Andrew Trobe

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 71

Whilst we can never

be certain on the exact

fees commanded (these

were sourced from

transferleague.co.uk), we

canestimateanetspend

of about £42.4m. How

does that compare with

otherclubs?

Well Newcastle had the

6th highest net spend in

Europe over the summer.

Only European minnows

–ManCity,ManUtd,PSG,

RealMadridandACMilan

–hadhigher.

And we had the 3rd

highest net spend in the

Premier. Not too shabby

by our own very shabby

standards.

So could we have spent

more?

The first thing to look

at is what cash did we

physically have in the

bank during the summer

tofinancethosesignings?

Well unfortunately we’ll

not know until next

March when NUFC post

their 15/16 accounts. So

in the absence of those

accounts,let’sdowhatall

accountantsdoandguess.

Orwhatwecall“financial

forecasting”.

Club Spent Received Net

ManCity £154.2m £52.3m £101.9m

ManUtd £115.0m £72.0m £43.0m

Newcastle £46.7m £4.3m £42.4m

Chelsea £72.8m £35.2m £37.6m

Watford £34.9m £0.6m £34.3m

WestBrom £30.5m £6.7m £23.8m

Liverpool £88.0m £66.3m £21.7m

Leicester £26.9m £6.5m £20.4m

CrystalPalace £25.3m £5.0m £20.3m

WestHam £25.1m £5.0m £20.1m

Everton £20.1m £0.5m £19.6m

Bournemouth £19.0 £1.0m £18.0m

Sunderland £23.0m £9.1m £14.0m

Tottenham £53.2m £40.9m £12.3m

Arsenal £13.0m £2.3m £10.7m

Norwich £10.0m £0.1m £9.9m

Swansea £10.1m £0.5m £9.6m

AstonVilla £52.6m £44.5m £8.1m

Southampton £41.2m £37.5m £3.7m

Stoke £21.3m £18.0m £3.3m

Needless to say, myguesswork could comebacktobitemeonthearseinafewmonthstime.Butas I suspectmost readerswill have forgotten thisarticle, within secondsof moving onto the nextmore interestingpage, I’llriskit.

Weknowwehad£34.1min the bank last summer(2014).Byestimatingthecash-flow in 14/15, wecan hazard a guess as tothe money that was inthe bank this summer toallow purchases.This is alaborious process so feelfree to skip the next fewparagraphs if you can’tbear the excitement ofthis edge of your seataccounting.

First,weneedtocalculatethe operating profit orloss. This is basically theclub’srevenuelesscosts.

We know our match-dayreceipts likely reduced in14/15(despiteouraverageattendance remainingvirtually unchanged) as aresultofplayingthreelesshome games. We’ll alsoget reduced broadcastingincome (merit payments)due to our 15th placefinish.Whilst commercialrevenuehasrisenby86%from 11/12 to 13/14, Idon’t expect a huge risein 14/15 but it shouldincreaseslightly.

Next it’s expenses, thebulkofwhich ismadeupof players’ wages. This isa difficult one to predict(code for me not havinga Scooby). Despite not

signing a single playerin 13/14, our wage billincreasedbynearly£17mfrom theprevious season( jumping from £61.7mto £78.3m). The reasonfor this is still not clearbut it’s largely attributedto increased bonuses asaresultofour10thplacefinish (we’d finished16thin12/13).

Socanweexpectasimilarwagebillin14/15tothatof12/13asaresultofour15th place finish? Wellmaybe. I predict a smallreductioninwagecostsin14/15.

Player amortisation andprofits / losses on playersalesarethefinalvariableswhencalculatingtheprofitforlastseason.Explainingplayer amortisation willlikelyhaveyou lapsing inand out of consciousnesssoyou’llhavetotrustmewhen I say it’ll probablyincreasebyabout£5masaresultofplayerpurchasesmadelastseason.

Worth flagging up herethat player amortisation,despite the complicatedaccounting treatment,providesagood indicatorof a club’s playerinvestment.You’ll not besurprised to learn thatNewcastle’s amortisation(£19.6m in 13/14) wasone of the lowest in thePremier (Sunderland’swasover£30mandSpurs£50m)althoughitshouldbe acknowledged thatwesignplayersover longcontracts which reducesthe annual amortisationcharge.

www.true-faith.co.uktf 72

Finally, it’s profit /loss on player sales.Despite selling Debuchy,Tavernier and Yanga-Mbiwa for a total of£17.9m, I estimate thatprofitonplayersaleswillamount to about halfthat(againasaresultofaccountingtechnicalitiestoo complicated toexplain). We’ll lump thecompensationforPardewinheretoo(rumouredtobeabout£2.25m).

So that gives us anoperating loss of £1.1m(or a single bet on theroulettewheelforAshleyatAspers).

If you’ve managed tostick with this withoutlapsing into a coma,we’re nearly there now.We use the estimated£1.1m operating loss

2015

Operatingprofit/(loss) (£1.1m)

Amortisation&Depreciation £27.9m

EBITDA £26.8m

Player(purchases)/Sales £17.2m

Net Cash Inflow / (Outflow) £9.6m

to estimate cash-flowduring14/15.

Add the £9.6m to the£34.1m and that givesus about £43.7m in thebank in the summer tofinanceplayerpurchases.Or just about coveringour net spend in thesummer.Hurrah.

Newcastlehaveadoptedapolicyofpayingtransferfeesupfront, ratherthanspreadingpaymentsovera number of years, sotheyoweotherclubslessthan£3million. Insomeways,thisisanadmirablyprudentapproach,but it

doesrestrictNewcastle’s

abilitytospendmoreon

bringingplayersin.

So any cash spent over

and above our bank

balance would need tobe borrowed.Would thebankbepreparedtoloanus the money? Well, itdoesn’t really matter.Why?Becausewehaven’tloanedanycashfromthebank since 2010. In factall our external loanswith banks have beenpaid off and replacedwithanothersingleloan.To Mike Ashley (£129mat the last count in thesummer2014).

This is thedebtpositioninthesummerof2014.

Soanyadditionalfundingwould need to comecourtesy of MikeAshley.Andthisbringsustothenext crucial point. Thepersonal wealth of theowner and how muchtheyarepreparedtogivetheirclub(seeopposite).

Since 2008, Man Cityhave been owned bySheikhMansour,whohasan estimated individualnet worth of at least£17 billion and a familyfortune of at least $1trillion. SheikhMansourbought the club in2008 for £210 millionin a much publiciseddeal and has since

accumulated annuallosses of £535 millionexcluding approximately£200 million on facilityupgrades.

Since the Abu Dhabibuyout, Man City havespent an astonishingthreequartersofabillionon players (£752m). Anet spend of £537mor £77m per season.In addition, they haveinvestedheavilyininfra-

structure and the localarea(notthatMosssideneededitobviously).

A year before the AbuDhabi buyout, MikeAshley purchasedNewcastle United.The table below showsthat Ashley is the thirdrichest Premier Leagueowner (source: 2015ForbesRichList).Priortothis summer, Newcastlehadmanagedatotalnetspendofabout£25morabout£3maseasonsincetheAshleytakeover.

To be fair toAshley, thebulkofhiswealthistiedup in his Sports Directholding but I think itsafe to say he won’t besuffering from the cutstotaxcredits.

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 73

www.true-faith.co.uktf 74

Sowehaveseentheeye-

watering sums spent on

transfers by the richest

ownersinthePremier.

Withoneexception.

Thecolossallossesrackedup by several premierleague clubs reflect theinvestment they’ve madein their playing squads.And the owners of thoseclubs subsidise thoselosses through personalloanstotheclub.

And to be fair to ourerstwhile benefactor, hehas loaned a fair chunktoNewcastletosubsidiseour huge losses prior to2010. But there are twobigdifferences.

Firstly, the money thatAshley loaned Newcastlewasasaresultoffailuresat the club rather than

player investment (thatincluded the financialtrain wreck he inheritedfromShepherdaswell asthe 2009 relegation). Asalreadyhighlighted,Ashley

has loaned Newcastle£129m.

Toclearthedebt,hewouldhave to convert that debtinto equity (shares). Andthat brings me to theseconddifference.

In 2012, Sheik Mansourconverted £304.9m ofManCity’sdebtintoequityeffectively wiping out theclub’s debt. Abramovichdid the same with £340mthat he loaned toChelsea.Leicester ChairmanVichai Srivaddhanaprabhaconverted £103m debt toequity in 2013. Ellis Short£67matSunderland.Lerner(Villa)£90metc.

It’s the ultimate sign ofcommitment from theclub’s owner. It’s basicallyagift.AsDaveWhelan,theWigan owner, explained“theclubowesmequitealot of money, because ofloans I have lent it.WhatI am doing is convertingthoseloansintoequityandtakingshares.It’sadebt-for-equity swap, and I wouldadvocateeveryclub in thecountry looking into doingthat”.

ButAshleyhasn’tconvertedapennyofhisloantoequity.It’s still on the balancesheet as a loan which IsuspectAshleyfullyintendsinrecouping.

So Newcastle have totread a fine line. Unlikeother clubs where theyknow that any loans willeffectively be wiped out(i.e.convertedtoshares)bymore generous owners, atNewcastle we know thatanyloanthatAshleymakeswill ultimately have to berepaid.DowereallywanttobeinhocktoAshleyfortheforeseeablefuture?

Thatbringsusneatlytothenext limitation on transferspending. The club mustcomply with the UEFAFinancial Fair Play Rules(FFPRs).It’snotjustAshley’sperceived frugality which

Firstly, the money that Ashley loaned Newcastle was as a result of failures at the club rather than player investment (that included the financial train wreck he inherited from Shepherd as well as the 2009 relegation).

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 75

dictates NUFC’s transferbudget.TocomplywiththeFFPRs, the club must notmake excessive losses asdetailedinthetablebelowor they will face UEFAsanctions.

Thetableshowsthatclubsare allowed to make acombined loss of €30m(about £24m) over thethreeseasons13/14,14/15and15/16.

Weknowtheclubmadeaprofit in 13/14 (£18.7m)andI’veforecastedaprofitin14/15(about£10m).Sothe club could probablyaffordtoloseabout£52mthisfinancialyearandstillcomplywiththeFFPRs. Inotherwords,theFFPRsareunlikely to be a factor inwhatwecouldhavespentin the summer (unlesswe’d made an audaciousattempt to sign Messi inthesummer!).

Sotorecap,wehadabout£44m in the bank in thesummer,averyrichownerandnoparticularproblemsin terms of the FFPRs. Socouldandshouldwehavespentmore?

Well it’s my belief thatwhat drove our summerspendingspreemorethanany single other factor isthe impact on our futureearningsthatwouldresultfromrelegation.

I’m convinced that theclub opening up thepurse strings during thesummer was driven bythe fear of relegationandthecoststhatwouldcomewiththat.

Whenwewere relegatedin 2009, the impacton our finances weredamaging. A near 40%drop in our income. (seetableonright).

And that was just oneseason. If we hadn’t ofbounced straight back, thepercentagedropwouldhavegot progressively worse assponsors dropped away,parachutepaymentsceasedand even our magnificentsupportwaned.

And since then it’s got awhole lot worse. And thereason it’s got worse isalmost exclusively downto the current lucrativeTV deal. Whilst relegatedteamsnowreceive£59minparachutepayments(over4years),theTVincomeintheChampionshipisbuttonsincomparisontothePremier.Under the new TV deal,Premier League clubs areguaranteed a minimum£63m a season in thePremier(madeupofmeritmoney,facilityfeesandTVincome).Soarelegatedclubnowautomaticallylosesatleast£40minincomeeveryseason.Ouch.

And when you considerthat£63mistheminimummediaincomeforaPremierclub,thecostsofrelegationin reality are likely to bemuch higher. For example,eachplaceyouclimbupthePremier League table, theclub earns an extra £1.2mmeritpayment.Sothecostsof relegation compared toevenamid-tablefinishwillbenorthof£50minmediapaymentsalone.

And shortly the deal getseven bigger for PremierLeague clubs. Sky and BTSport have paid a record£5.136bn for live PremierLeagueTV rights for threeseasons starting from2016-17. The deal meansthat each game will costa staggering £10.2m or£1,887 per second! Andthat doesn’t include theinternationalTVrights.

In 13/14, bottom placedCardiff received twiceas much TV money asBundesliga winners BayernMunich (and £24m morethan La Liga winners,Athletico Madrid). RichardScudamore, the PremierLeagueChiefExec,summedit up nicely. “Burnley are

economically bigger thanAjax”. And that is beforethenewdeal.Thatgapwillwidenfurtherafter16/17.

AndAshley will, of course,be terrifiedonmissingouton this windfall. And thatmight even mean someadditional spending inJanuary(I’veheardrumoursof a further £50m forteam strengthening). Andthatbringsmetomyfinalconstraint.

Whoonearthwouldwanttocometoaclubbattlingrelegation? We’ll not bein a position of strengthto attract and negotiatewith potential signings inJanuary.To persuade themtocomehere to fight inarelegationbattlewillsimplymean we have to provideincentives. In other words,morecash.

To conclude, it would bechurlishnottoacknowledgethat Newcastle spent bigin the summer. Did theyspend all they could? No,probablynot.Timewill tellwhether that’s a decisionthat they may come toregret.

08/09 £m 09/10 £m Change % Change

Matchday 29.0 20.9 -8.1 -28%

Media 37.6 16.1 -21.5 -57%

Commercial 19.4 15.4 -4.0 -21%

Operatingincome

86.0 52.4 -33.6 -39%

it’s my belief that what drove our summer spending spree more than any single other factor is the impact on our future earnings that would result from relegation.

www.true-faith.co.uktf 76

Online merchandising operation

truefaith1892.bigcartel.com

SIR BOBBY£15.00

Visit site

LEAZES END SOUL BEANIE£8.00

Visit site

PINK LANE BIANCONERI£15.00

Visit site

GALLOWGATE SOUL BEANIE£8.00

Visit site

GALLOWGATE SOUL£15.00

Visit site

GALLOWGATE CORNER ORIGINALS

£15.00

Visit site

LEAZES SOUL£15.00

Visit site

LEAZES END UNDEFEATED£15.00

Visit site

SIr Bobby t-shirtAll profits go to

TF WEEKLY PODCASTAND RADIO SHOW

Inlatteryears,thetruefaithPodcastshavebecomeoneofthemostpopularelementsofourcontent.NowledbyPod-Father,AlexHurstandhisPod-Squadwearenowputtingoutregularepisodestoanever-growingbandoflistenersacrosstheBlack&Whiteplanet.TheyarebecomingMASSIF.

The Podcasts regularly

includeguestsandspecial

features. Like everything

true faith does, they are

absolutelyFREE.

Our listeners tell us they

variouslylistentothetrue

faith Podcasts via their

smartphones on the way

to and from matches via

publictransport,inthecar,

or just as anyone would

listening to the radio in

thehouseetc

The Podcasts aren’t a

closed shop and if you

would like to join the

podcastsasacontributor,

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 77

justgetintouchwithAlex

viatheTFWeeklyPodcast

Twitteraccountandwe’ll

seewhatwecando.

More recently, the

Podcasts have taken

a further step forward

by adding a weekly

Radio show and Friday

nights at 7pm via RadioNorthumberland. We arealsonowtakingcallsfromlisteners and attemptingtodeveloparealMag-ledTalk-In show feel whichwill be something of afirst in fanzine culture.Get involvedandmake ithappen.

Tune in on radio northumberland7.00pm Friday night

Listen here

PostcardsFromThe EdgePaully

“Takeshi’sCastlewasnotbuiltinaday”;toquotethatfamousBelgianphilosopherErikvanTalksrubbish.Timeisofcourseoftheessencebutwenowresideinan‘instantworld’whichhasdestroyedpeople’spatiencelevels.Instantlotto;instantcoffeeandinstantgamingarejustsomeexamples.YoucanevengetaninstantbloweroffaChineseroly-poly,dwarfcalledBrendawholivesinHebburnsimplybysendingheratextmessage(apparently).

tf 78

Istillthinkthatit’stooearlyto judge Schteve but therehave been several worryingsigns so far. His persistenceearlier on to pairAnita andColback inthewarzonethatis the middle of the parkeven though two anorexichamsterscarrymoreweightandheightwasbaffling.Theysimply cannotplay togetherand if one of them has toplaythenitcertainlywouldn’t

be Wearside Jack albeitI am a proud gingeriest

soImightbebiasedagainsthim. Some of his in-gamemanagement has beenpeculiar to say the least.Several substitutions haveleft me severely scratchingthe top of my head and Ihope that he has not beingdoinglikewisebecausethereisn’tmuchleftofthatislandasitis.

Themostgallingaspectwashis insistence to keep PerezoutoftheteaminfavourofObertan for the majority ofouropeningmatches.IknowmanyoftheDutcharebanginto their drugs so perhapsSchteve was completely off

his tits all summer hencethis ludicrous decision. Forme,Perezisourbestplayerand he should be the firstname on our team sheet.His touch, movement andawarenessaremajesticandI’mconvincedthatheisfullyawareofexactlywheretheinvisiblemanisatalltimes.He also has a magnificentworth ethic and he graftshis little Spanish arse offuntil the bulls come home.I’d love to seeusbuildourteam around him for thenextdecadebutweallknowthat won’t happen underAshley’s ownership. Let’sjust enjoy him while he isherewhichmorethanlikelywon’tbeforlong.

Ireallywanthimtosucceedhere because he seems alikeableblokewhopossessesa rather wacky smile buthe was nowhere near thetop of my list of potentialnew head coaches. Thereweremanyavailable in thesummerbutIamconfidentthatour‘footballboard’tookgreat time in interviewinga lot of candidates beforedeciding to give the gig to

www.true-faith.co.uk

Patience you must

have...

Schteve.Yes,thatactuallyis

aflyingpiginthesky.There

were rumours that Remi

Garde didn’t fancy life in

Newcastle due to the lack

ofartgalleries.Surelya trip

to see the art on the walls

of the toilets in the Black

Garterwouldhavechanged

his mind on that matter.

Theycertainlydon’tgetthat

type of majestic culture in

Paris.Ourownerstatedthat

hewantedtowintrophiesor

finishinthetopfour(trynot

tosplityoursides)andthena

fewmonthslaterappointed

ahead coachwho failed in

his previous four jobs and

whoenduredhavinghisP45

thrown in his face at two

ofthem.Sadly,weallknow

thatAshley’s ambition with

NUFC has nothing to do

with what happens on the

pitch.

Slap my face with a wet

hedgehog and call me

deluded but I genuinely

believe that NUFC under

an ambitious owner could

haveattractedJurgenKlopp

in the summer. He stated

that he wanted to manage

in England and that the

club did not need to be a

“topclub”.He’scharismatic,

infectious,aneccentric,loves

the booze and plays full-

throttle football; basically a

perfect fit forus.Dortmund

had just finished 13th

tf 79www.true-faith.co.uk

when Klopp took over and

he certainly reignited that

sleeping giant by winning

five trophies as well as

reaching the Champions

League final in eight years.

Mind, I don’t think that we

can still be classified as a

sleeping giant and perhaps

a comatose giant is more

suitable. I think he will be

a fantastic addition to the

leagueandIamveryjealous

oftheMickeyMousers.

I’m amazed that Ian

Wright’s gold tooth hasn’t

popped out of Pardew’s

mouthbecausehe is so far

up ‘Super Al’s’ (spew) arse

that it is embarrassing.The

annoying, hyperactive gob-

s**te (that’s Ian Wright

and not me) certainly has

it in for our fans due to

our treatment towards

his former teammate. The

rewriting of history about

Pardew’stimeherebyWright

aswellasmanypunditsand

journalists is unbelievable.

“Pardew did a magnificent

at NUFC”; did he really?

His record during his last

18 months was shambolic

and he would have been

sacked long before he left

atvirtuallyeveryotherclub.

“NUFCfansgotexactlywhat

they wished for”; did we

really? I must have missed

outonmyNationalLottery

winaswellasdailysexwith

MichelleKeegan.Iverymuch

doubt that any fan wanted

JohnCarverinchargeforfive

monthsandifthereareany

outtherethatdidthenthey

needtobesectioned.

Pardew; who is a Palace

cult hero (they must get

their ‘l’s’ and ‘n’s’ mixed-up

down there) because he

once scored a header from

twoyardsout inanFACup

semifinal,hasdoneagood

job so far. His managerial

CV shows that he always

has good starts before it

goes completely tits-up. I’d

laugh my bollocks off if he

continues doing well and

is then appointed as the

nextEnglandmanagerafter

Hodgson.Thewholecountry

wouldhavetoputupwithhis

inept cluelessness coupled

with his smarmy bull-

s**ttingpatter.Iamgetting

a twinge at the thought of

how the media would turn

on him when he sets the

national team out to play

aimless long hoofs towards

Vardy;convertsBarkley into

a defensive wide player;

fieldsthreeleftbacksatthe

same time and blames the

melodies of the Kazakhstan

national anthem for losing

tothem.

Speaking of former NUFC

managersthatI’dlovetosee

firmlytrappedinsidethejaws

ofastarvingsharkleadsme

nicely on to SamAllardyce.

Sunderland’s have done

their standard managerial

appointment two matches

beforeaderby.Iwouldlove

it; LOVE IT, if hippo-heed

relegatesthemlot.

Slap my face

with a wet hedgehog

and call me

deluded but

I genuinely

believe that

NUFC under

an ambitious owner

could have attracted

Jurgen

Klopp in the summer.

www.true-faith.co.uktf 80

The secret diary of Lee Ryderaged 44 and a half.

20/04/2015 Well diary, the day after THAT boycott at the Mecca on the hill at the Gallowgate. A day after Coach Carvs equalling the King’s record from last year of six-in-a-row defeats. Ah decided the boycott angle would probs already get covered by Neil ‘Cams’ Cameron here at Thomson House so decided to cover the Coach approach, i.e, who would be the next boss man at Newcastle United, who would be the man leading the black & white troops next year. Ah had something on this already as me and John are cush and ah always have a quote on tap from the man who would be King. As ever, you have to have great contacts in this game if you want to stay ahead of the rest, me? Ah’ve got contacts everywhere, it’s how you win awards, it’s how ah see the Trinity Mirror regional sports writer of the year award everytime ah look on me fire mantle piece, lol. Anyways, ah gets a bell off one of me non-football contacts and sometimes me best stories have come from these. The phone rang as ah was half way through watching ‘football factories’ on Sky. “Ryder speaking” ah says keeping it short and to the point, just like my articles. “How Lee! It’s Mala! Have you been on newsnow? There’s a link to a Talksport interview with Steve Howey with Alan Brazil. Reckons Carver is ganna get the job next season, like.” It was me old schoolmate, cockeyed Mala, an old pal and another of Ryder’s narks keeping me filled in throughout Tyne

& Wear, well, mebbees not so much the Wear bit, like. Ah thanked him and said ah’d see him alreet when ah got me new glasses and he had a pint with his name on it next time ah saw him. Ah quickly logged on to me lap top and went on the talksport link of newsnow and there it was, another gold dust opportunity to fill me loyal readers in with explosive news which they’d have struggled to hear about if it wasn’t for me reporting it. Ah got me story in the Ronny Gill pronto and ah hadn’t even left the house! Some people work hard, but the Knight Ryder works smart, Ah’m sure Alky Brazil wouldn’t mind iz using his interview and it was another piss easy bit of copy for iz in me never ending quest to keep me loyal punters up to speed with this crazy club of ours, ah’ll thanks to me contacts like Mala and Newsnow. Laters!

08/05/2015 Well ah’ve been a busy bee these last few weeks with all the fall out from the many defeats the lads in Black & white, or grey when we change strips, have been taking. Ah’ve been non-stop ‘on the United beat’ as the great Alan Oliver used to say.

Ah was in bed the other night in the middle of ‘European football factories’ which ah knew quite a bit of after me fact finding mission to Dortmund a couple of months ago, when me phone rang. “Hello, It’s Ryder, speak to me” ah said. The voice at the other said, “St. James’ Park. Half an hour. Be

prompt and bring a notepad and pen.” before hanging up. Ah

knew the voice, it was Danger

David Dunn

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 81

Mouse’s friend, Penfold look-a-like, the young

Toon supremo, Lee Charnley! Ah didn’t stop to

think for a second, which is my normal modoss

oper..., mrders, murders operation, err, is how ah

normally work, like. Ah gets to the SJP reception

just after midnight to be greeted by a night shift

receptionist who wasn’t normally there, the lass

explained it was her first shift and she was told it

was for one night only on a zero hours contract.

She sent me in to a dark, murky office with just

a single 40 watt lamp illuminating a small round

table with Penfold Charnley sitting on one side

of it and a spare chair on the other. Charnas then

told the lass to sign herself out and put two hours

on her agency works form which she seemed to

disagree on, she gans, “But Mr Charnley, I started

work at 11pm and now it’s 01. 17!” Penfold told

her that NUFC only pays to the nearest hour

and if she wanted to work here again she’d need

to understand that before turning to me as the

lass left looking at Charnas with a grateful smile

although it was hard to tell in the dark room,

ah got the feeling she was really grateful for the

two hours pay the club had put her way. “Lee,

we need a letter to the fans. It’s got to be from

our Captain whom they totally respect. We’ve

already tried Moncur, Beardsley and Carver, hell

we even got John Hall out of his nursing home for

a day and had to pretend we were taking him to

MetroLand, but the fans aren’t buying it. We need

Coloccini to get them to call off the protest. I’m

concerned we could get relegated and Mike will

go f***ing beserk if we go down and lose the tv

money. I’m f***ed here if we go down, he’ll make

sure I never get another admin job anywhere

including WH Smith in Northumberland street as

Mike knows their boss!”

Wow! The s**t really was starting to hit the fan

or fans in this case. “What can ah do for you, Mr

Charnley?” ah says. Charnas then told me me

that obviously Colo wasn’t going to write the

letter himself and that the fans would smell a

rat if my belle of the PR ball, Wendy wrote it as

she wasn’t on ‘the same level as the fans’ he said.

“Lee Ryder! We need you to write it for us. You

have the common fans touch. You speak their

language. Go ahead and write it down. Don’t use

word or excel, use a notepad.” Ah scratched me

head a bit at that, mind, why would he think ah

wouldn’t use me trusted notepad? Anyway, under

his glare ah scratched oot the words in that dark,

seedy room as if me journalistic career depended on it, which, let’s be honest diary, it f***ing well does! next thing ah knaa, Carvs walks in the room and takes the A4 off iz, winks at me and says, “Cheers wor kid! Your letter’s ganna be at tomorrows presser! Any news you need, any stories, just give iz a bell, Lee!”. F***ing champion! you can’t stop the boy Ryder getting into print! Plus ah was keeping me NUFC contacts going strong. Ah went back home in the early hours thinking, if only the fans knew the efforts ah put into making Newcastle United great again! It’s only something me loyal Chronicle readers will know and obviously love. Laters!

15/05/2015Alreet Diary? You never guess who ah was talking to the day, mind? Coach Carvs? Lee Charnley? Bob Moncur? Obviously wasn’t SuperMac as he’s not too popular in the corridors of SJP after being a bit critical of Mike. Have you guessed? If ah’d been on the bevvy and fancied some scran ah might get a TAKEAWAY from their place. If ah wanted to go into a JUNGLE ah’d ask them then ask them to GET ME OUT OF HERE! Would that be a clue? When ah was a foot soldier in the Toon Army ah was always getting READY TO RUMBLE, aye, that’s right diary, not only do ah rub shoulders with the Premier League elite, ah’m on first name terms with the bafta boys, the Geordie duo, one Mr Anthony McPartlin and one Mr Declan Donnelly aka, Ant & Dec! Ah was at the Thomson House canteen this morning getting meself a full English as ah needed some scran on me stomach after ah’d had a bit of session after work yesterday. Ah got me scran and sat down with the Chronicle marketing kid, Cardboard Chris. Canny kid was ‘Cardboard’ but ah knew he wouldn’t be sitting with me long as he had beans with his breakfast and he’d have to eat it quick before it soaked through his cardboard takeaway box. Chris would never use a plate even if he was eating in the canteen, at first he got loads of sympathy off the lasses as they all thought the poor c*** had a china plate phobia but it just turned out he had a cardboard fetish instead

www.true-faith.co.uktf 82

so now the lasses would never sit next to him in

case he had a stalker on. As ah sat doon Chris said,

“Are you gannin up to see Ant & Dec then, Lee?”

Ah replied, “Ant & Dec? What you gannin on aboot,

Chris?” It turned out that the Geordie superstars were

visiting Thomson House and were going to pick a

Newcastle United side to face QPR! Wow! But how

the f*** was ah not telt about it?! Ah clocked the

delicious Helen Danby, the editor, coming through

the door, “Helen! Helen! What’s the craic with Ant

& Dec? How come ah wasn’t telt aboot it?” Helen

says she sent me an e-mail but what Helen didn’t

know was that ah don’t do e-mails until a friday

afternoon. Ah worked out years ago that it was the

perfect excuse not to do something ah didn’t want

to do if ah never had time to do it if ah didn’t get the

e-mail till late on friday! Anyways, apparently they

were going to film the lads and some of us Journos

talking around the Thomson House meeting room

table about the Toon but it was then ah realised ah

wasn’t properly dressed for the cameras! Ah’d put on

a casual jumper this morning that ah quite liked but

it was more a comfy job, in fact it was dark blue with

patches on the sleeve and when ah looked in me

reflection of the glass door ah realised ah looked a

right clip in it, ah looked like one of me old geography

teachers! Anyways, ah just had to put up with me

jumper and had some great craic with the lads. Ah

asked if ah could get an invite to their London pad

next time we were away in the smoke and Ant said,

“Err, aye, err, Lee, err, i’ll give you my agents card, give

him a ring later, mate.” Anyways, it was yet another

great bit of stuff for my loyal readers to see, in fact

the only bad part of the day was Ant forgetting to

give his agents card. Never mind, ah’l get the card

next time. laters diary!

26/05/2015Ag-a-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, shake the tree

Aga-doo-doo-doo, push pineapple, grind coffee

To the left, to the right, jump up and down and to the

knees

Come and dance every night, sing with a hula melody

Eee, ya f***a, diary! What a class couple of days,

man! After Jonas scored THAT goal on the weekend

everyone at Planet NUFC was in party mode and

guess who was invited round to Casa Carvs house

for a celebratory drinkie poos? The only North East

media man with his finger on the pulse, that’s who,

the man they all go to for getting their points across to the punters, the man who is to straight forward sentence structure what Alan Pardew was to derby victories, yes it was me! Lee Ryder who got the media invite! Ah was round there cracking on with Willo who was back in Coach Carvs good books, and dancing to Black Lace as Carvs lass put out some scran and a geet big massive punch bowl with vodka, orange, white rum, peach brandy, grenadine, a bit sugar, brandy, a bit lemon juice, some southern comfort, (At Rob Eliot’s request) and some sherry. Carvs was f***ing blotto and couldn’t thank me enough for me support, “Lee, if it washnt for you, son, if it washn’t for you, wor kid, ah, how! Gouffs! bogs that way, f***ing mon ami......err, what was ah saying, Lee?” Ah stopped the chief Geordie at SJP, “john, divvent worry, man. You came good when it counted. A’hm all ower it in the Ronny Gill at the minute, mate. Ah’ve got a ‘One-in-a-row’ piece about THAT game and how you masterminded the club to safety with 90 mins to oblivion, Ah’ve got the 54th poll since you got the job, asking if the fans want you in charge, and ah think it might be a bit closer than the other 53 if I’m being honest, mate, think things might be swinging your way, mate.” Carvs then wiped away a tear and said, “Ya knaa yee, Lee, ah divvent care what they say,....hic!......Yer a canny kid.......Brenda! Have ya got Lee a drink, pet?.......What wash ah ......hic!......saying?.........Sammy! Get some more tunes on, nenn of that jungle garage s**te! Put Russ Abbot on youtube! Ah want an atmosphere, y’knaa, man, ask ya da, ah love a happy party with an atmosphere-ah!........Lee, ya a canny kid yee, like, ya f***ing came through with them Carver for the toon stories, ah f***ing love yee, son, f***ing great kid, yee, man......See you.......up here yee are.” Anyways, after drinking, singing and dancing ah made me way back home, ah was

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 83

well served but at least ah wasn’t as bad as Carvs

who was asleep, hanging over his hedge in his

front garden, with a can of stella in one hand and

a slice of Iceland pizza in the other! Lol. The Toon

are staying up and ah’ve got one grateful coach

eating oot me hands! F***ing jackpot! Ryder and

out!

10/06/2015‘Well now, well now’ as Lee Cattermole’s dad

once nearly said, what an amazing day at the

cathedral on the hill, new managers and a blood

letting of the coaching staff! Ah got a tip off

something big was happening when ah looked

out the window of Thompson House and saw

a Sky camera crew driving past, ah did think

it strange that they were onto it before me as

ah’d obviously gone above and be-f***ing-yond

helping the club out and Carvs in particular owed

me big time. Ah also knew Lee Charnley was over

the f***ing moon with my fake Colo letter and

if anything was happening I’d be the numero

uno, top banana to find out. But......there were

the sky bozo’s heading up to Casa St. James’.......

Hmmmmn. Anyways, ah thought Lee must’ve got

waylaid and couldn’t give me a bell so ah decided

to grab the black & white bull by the horns and

raced up to Gallowgate to find oot the Geordie

roar. As ah left Thompson House a Harry Bamp

was sitting ootside, stinking of piss and begging

for some dosh. The tramp said, “Howay, Mister!

can ya spare iz some money for some scran

and a few Charlie Chans? Ah’m a Toon Army

veteran, wor kid.” Ah looked down properly at

him wondering if ah’d recognise him from away

day skirmishes I’d heard about when ah clocked

the dial of none other than our recently departed

interim coach, John ‘Carvs’ Carver! “F*** me!”

ah says, “What ya deeing begging, John?” Carvs

replied that he’d built an extension on his house

expecting to pay it off when he got the job full

time and he owed Billy the Brick ten grand with no way to pay it. “Lee, man, if ah divvent raise the extra coin for Billy he’ll gan f***ing radge and ah’ve heard too many tales aboot what he can dee with that jagged edge spirit level of his that would have you touching cloth, wor kid.” Poor John, but poor Lee Ryder as well, this useless c*** was my meal ticket for the next few years and the daft c*** went and got himself sacked! What was ah ganna dee now? What ah was ganna dee was bung Carvs a tenner for owld times sake so he could get himself a few cans then ah was up to see who the new supremo was going to be. Ah got to the reception and the lass says to me, “Sorry Lee, media partners only.” Ah replied, “Wha, what? Ya having a f***ing giraffe, like, aren’t ya? After ah’ll the stuff ah’ve done lately? This is the thanks ah get? Ah’ll f***ing have words with Penfold next time ah see the c***. Ya can tell him that anaal!” Ah was aboot to carry on when ah saw a certain ginger quiff entering the SJP netty through the glass window down the corridor. Ah then turned the tap on the famous Knight Ryder charm that ah knaa the fanny lap up. Ah winked and said, “How, pet, ah’ve got to siphon the Python if ya knaa what ah mean? Ah need to water the bog plants with me Geordie man-hose if ya catch me drift?” While she looked at iz in stunned admiration ah nipped into the corridor and opened the bog door just as Schteve was putting his John Thomas away. Ah grabbed the initiative and his hand and shook it firmly. “Ryder, Lee Ryder. Top dog at the Evening Chronicle.” Schteve, said, “Err, Lee is it? You might want to wash your hands, son because I, err.... haven’t!”. Anyways, warmed by Stevey Mac’s concern not to mention his warm urine, ah did an imprompteded, err, an imprompadoo, err, a quick interview. Ah got in when all doors were locked to the former FC Twente boss and made sure my loyal readers got the Ryder take on the new man with a few words from Schteve himshelf, as they say in ol’ Amshterdam! Lol! Ryder and f***ing out!

tf 84

Players: Lawrence, McCra-cken, Hudspeth, Hewison, Low, Hay, Douglas, Hibbert, Pailor, Wilson, Goodwill, Veitch, King, Hall, Booth, Hampson, Finlay, Mellor, Higgins, Spink, Cooper, Little, McGough, Soulsby, Dixon, Cairns.

Division: Division 1 (15th w/ 32 points - Champions Everton w/ 46 points)

Manager: The Directors Committee continued to pick the side.

Trainer/Coach: James McPherson continued in his role as the coach of the side, although things slipped slightly from last season’s 11th placed finish.

SEASON60 SECOND CHRIS

LAws

Highest Att: As always, the home derby was the biggest attendance of the season. It wasn’t a great Christmas for Mags though, losing 2-5 to the team from Wearside on 25 December.

Lowest Att: A paltry 3,000 turned up at Liverpool to see an entertaining 2-2 draw in the middle of March. The lowest attendance on Tyneside was around 6,000, also in March, saw a 2-0 victory for United as they beat Chelsea.

Average Att: The aver-age attendance dropped a great deal this season (not surprising given the outbreak of World War I) and was down to 15,289. The average taking into

account of the cups was

a lot better, three home

matches against West

Ham, Swansea Town and

Chelsea knocking the

average up to 18,112.

Best Win: A 4-0 thrashing

of Spurs in NE1 was the best

it got this year in terms of

margin of victory, although

we did beat the Mackems

www.true-faith.co.uk

4-2 at their place on Boxing

Day, a day after a 5-2 home

reversal to the same team.

Worst Defeat: The afore-

mentioned 2-5 defeat at

home to Sunderland on

Christmas Day was the worst

things got this season. Well,

that and hundreds of thou-

sands being slaughtered in

Belgium and France.

Tommy Goodwill - Outside Left

Something of interest: This year marked the end of football pre-war, as the gates were shut to St. James Park in July 1915, as the war intensified. Attendances all season were low, as the call to arms was heard. Many in attendance on match-day this season at SJP were dressed in forces uniform attire. Over the course of the season, injured soldiers began to be seen in the Gallowgate crowd. At one point of the season, rifle fire was practiced on the pitch at St. James by NUFC footballers. War brought to an end the football sea-son on 28 April. On that final day of the season we beat Aston Villa with Tommy Goodwill one of the goalscorers. He would not return - killed in action.

Mentioned in dispatches: A very mediocre season for United, who were always far enough away from rel-egation from it to become a serious threat, were still too close for comfort to it for the locals. Remember, this was a club who had won the league just a few years back. At one stage United played without a recognised goalkeep-er when Bill Mellor was injured in warm-ups. Jock King took his place... and kept a clean sheet!

National Interest: Sheffield United won the FA Cup, beating Chelsea 3-0 in the final at Old Trafford. The competition was halted from this year until WW1 was over... A rail disaster near Gretna Green in Scotland kills 226 peo-

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 85

ple, mostly troops, as is the largest number of fatali-ties in a rail accident in the UK... Stonehenge is bought at auction for the princely sum of £6,600... Women are officially permitted to act as bus and tram con-ductors for the duration of the War in October this year...

Regional Interest: Mr Newcastle, one T. Dan Smith, a maverick and visionary Labour politi-cian, whose legacy to the city has been the central motorway, Swan House and other 60s Brutalist architecture, not to men-

tion the destruction of many beautiful “Grainger” designed buildings was born this year. There was the small matter of a later jail sentence for corruption but if you want to know more – click here .

In 1863 a Special Committee of the Justices of the Borough of Newcastle upon Tyne was set up under the provisions of the 1853 Pauper Lunatics Act to con-sider what provision should be made for the pauper lunatics of the Borough. The Committee decided that Newcastle should build a new asylum and a site was

War brought to an end the football season on 28 April. On that final day of the season we beat Aston Villa with Tommy Goodwill one of the goalscorers. He would not return - killed in action.

purchased at Coxlodge. It

was to become St Nicholas’

Hospital. Or St Nick’s to

locals. The Newcastle

Borough Lunatic Asylum,

Jubilee Road, Gosforth

opened in 1869. The

Asylum was supervised

by the magistrates until

1871 when Newcastle

City Council took over this

responsibility. Between

1915 - 1920 the hospital

was turned into a military

hospital and the mental

patients were dispersed to

other institutions.

Chris Laws.

Follow @tflawsy1892

Depression, drugs, delusion

and Mr Ashley,s Big Shop

We,wefansofNewcastle

United,aredeluded.

But not the sense of

deluded you may think I

mean.

I mean something

markedly different from

the accepted, Pavlovian

narrativechunteredoutby

fellow football fans and

AuntSallieslikeIanWright

about Newcastle United.

The term “deluded” as I

understanditinthispiece

is more in line with the

“classical”meaningof the

RICHARD FOSTER

Incendiary Magazine

(A)culturewhichvaluesonlyoptimismwillproducepathologiesofpessimism;

aneconomybuiltaroundcompetitivenesswillturndefeatismintoadisease.

(WillDavies)

‘To be categorically clear, I’m not going anywhere until we win something.’ (Sauron)

word: “An idiosyncratic

belief or impression

maintained despite being

contradicted by reality

or rational argument,

typically as a symptom

of mental disorder.” I’m

interested in themadness

that lies in the gap

betweenwhatwe take to

beNewcastleUnited, and

whatwephysicallyengage

withastherealNewcastle

United, (aka Mr. Ashley’s

BigShop)weekonweek.

Here’s a theory. Just

a theory, mind. The

Newcastle United we go

to,buymerchandisefrom,

collecthistoricalephemera

about, read about, watch,

or listen to in the media

has become - like many

otherBritishfootballclubs

- a dangerous delusion,

an expensive, injurious

distraction in our daily

lives.Further,thisparticular

“version” of Newcastle

United is becoming

injurious to our mental

andemotionalhealth.Yes,

these things have been

airedbefore.Pubtalk, the

half-truths and whimsy

that somehow form a

fullworld-viewwhenyou

stagger home from the

local.ButIamincreasingly

convinced that modern

footballfandomisastate

that endangers our sense

ofwellbeingandkeepsus

down, locked into a form

of irrational unhappiness

that has no right to be

such a force in our lives.

Thisiseverywhere,it’snot

justusandourdiscontent

with our latest Squire. In

tf 86 www.true-faith.co.uk

indulging in the whole“Mags are deluded” ranton Sky, Twitter or 5live(a state funded, on-airasylum if ever there wasone) the media parrotsand the fans who copythemprovetheirdelusionis mirrored in their ownlives, and just as huge,just as blindly controllingas ours. To paraphraseJagger at Altamont; whyis everyone in the UK soangryaboutfootball?

And what on earth arewe doing with our timeon this planet, as humanbeings, in relation to“our”famousoldfootballclub? The word “our” isimportanthere.Maybehedidn’t fully realise it, butby saying the club was“ours” club last season,Charnley compoundedour unhappiness andimpotence by makingthewholethingpersonal.It may be “ours”. Butrelatedtoyouthereader,or me the writer, “our”clubwhenit’srevealedas“our” club doesn’t existlongenoughphysicallytodoanythingfundamentalabout fixing the currentmalaise.Theclubas“we”ownitexistsinhundredsof thousands of minds,

or local functions andtap rooms, and comestogetheronamatchday.Charnley was taking aleaf from Kitchener inthe famous recruitmentposter. He was pointingat you and your senseof loyalty and desirefor betterment. Thereis no collectivism atwork here. Charnley ispassing the buck andsaying the responsibilityto fix the mess is also“our”problem.Likesomemotorbikewithnowheelsthat sits in our garage(one we’re going to douponeday)theideathatwe have control overeverything that is“ours”in this modern world, isa delusion. We are allindividuals in this battleand that’s the massiveproblem.

The quote at the topof this article is takenfromafeatureofWilliamDavies’s book, “The Happiness Industry”.Thebookdealswith theway “the psychologicalstateoftheindividualnowbecomesatargetfortheaccumulationofcapital”.Davies propoundsthat it is increasinglydifficult to see the

value of pharmaceuticalprescriptions for theindividual sufferingfrom mental “issues” or“disorders”. Davies raisesthe suspicion that suchdrugs are created by anindustry that sees thewider value in creating amarket that constantlyrefreshes, and replenishesitself under the guise of“welfare”. And the moraldilemmas of such druguse are often (throughthemantrasof“individualempowerment” and“betterment”) left tothe conscience of theindividual, or the resultof peer pressure withinorganisations. Again, thisisn’t a particularly newargument, and not oneconfined to the mentalhealth industry. I’d urgeyou to check out thehistory behind the “Forced March” pills of the First World War.

The main point is that(individual or social)coercion to be “better”,forcesustodothingsthat

start to make us bloodyunhappy, sometimesraving mental in ourindividual lives. Let’squoteDaviesoncemore.

In a post-1960s era of‘self-anchored striving’,what can people possiblyhold in common otherthan a desire for morehappiness? And whathigher purpose coulda psychological expertpursuethanthereductionofunhappiness?

Imagine if the club is adrug company. It makescapital from our senseof duty to our idea ofhappiness; one whichis inextricably linked to“our” version of the club.This happiness which isalso linked to our ownsenseof“betterment”andourownsenseof(bought)happiness. We pay, wecanboo,orcheer. It’sourcontract. Our ultimateright.Orsowethink.

AndImagineifNewcastleUnited as we know itnow didn’t exist. Imagine

indulging in the whole “Mags are deluded“ rant on Sky, Twitter or 5live a state funded, on-air asylum if ever there was one...“

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 87

Ashley pulled the plug,

orthestadiumfelldown

a massive sink hole.

And let’s take Davies’s

idea of “self-anchored

striving” as a moral

individual responsibility

to “betterment” in the

pursuit of happiness.

What would we replace

it with? I doubt if

anyone would say:

“more thesame,please!

Oh wait, maybe we

need more overpriced

processedbeef clippings

masquerading as a

popular form of meat-

basedsnackandperhaps

atadmoreSportsDirect

advertising”. Of course

we’d all want better.

Maybe a team full of

local lads, or Irish and

Scottish lads. If it were

down to me I’d have

humble ladswithcentre

partingscalledAlforJack

from Glasgow or Derry,

who’d have modest

lodgings inWindy Nook

andboots that look like

armouredcars.Don’ttell

methesamethinghasn’t

crossed your mind. We

are being “loyal” (after

our own fashion, and in

my case the stories my

granda and dad told) to

our notion of a“better”

NewcastleUnited.

But I HATE the idea of

loyalty when applied

to Newcastle United. I

think it’s a remarkable

phenomenon with the

club (one shared with

onlyafewclubs,anddue

to social and historical

contextsthathavebeen

welldocumented)butit is

notabindingone.Andwe

do well, as human beings

with lives aside from

this club to remember it.

Because one fundamental,

never-changing thing

about loyalty is the easy

wayitisexploited.No-one

winsprizesforloyalty.

Here’s the rub. Why the

flyingf***dowefeelallof

this fixing and rebuilding

and embodiment of

“loyalty”isdowntous?I’d

say paying our money to

booandcheer isNOTour

contract, or our ultimate

right. Our ultimate right

is to see through all the

contracts we think we

have with the club and

see them as a delusion.

Theloyaltyweshowcould

well be a delusion. Maybe

that’s whyweare at each

other’s throats. We know

that something is wrong

but cling to, and act out,

the things that make us

unhappy;thinkingtheyare

ouremotionalsalves.

But you know the GREAT

thing in this argument is

that betterment for the

individual can mean the

total opposite of what

the market tells you

is betterment. All very

DouglasCopeland.Allvery

Generation X. But you

don’t have to care about

Mr. Ashley’s Big Shop

thinking it is something

else, because caring is, in

thisparticularcontext,isa

delusion.

Acid Arab - Hafla

I can’t get all sombre on your collective arse on this

thefirstfreeversionofTrueFaith.Here’ssomecracking

MusickethatcanhelpgetyououtoftheVeilofTears

andsmashthroughthegatesofHeaven.Yowsa.

John Maus - Believer

Rotterdam Termination Source - Poing

Implog - Holland Tunnel Drive

tf 88 www.true-faith.co.uk

Jean-Michel Basquiat & Tuxedomoon - Desire - (from “Downtown 81”)

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 89

O’NeillNorthern Ireland’s Euro2016 qualification underthestewardshipofMichaelO’Neill made me checkoutsomenostalgicfootagefrom the 1980s on-line.O’Neill, of course, was the386th young man to bedubbed “the new GeorgeBest”afterhearrivedfromColeraineinOctober1987.Slightofbuildwithpossiblythe whitest limbs of anyhuman being ever, I oncesaw him in Bainbridge’s(John Lewis? Pah) flirtingwith girls at the perfumecounter while I used theKuros test pot nearby

before catching theX25backtoHighPit. A recentChronicle article

charted his time at SJPalongside Mirandinha andGascoigne.Iremembertheyear well - the Greenall’sshirts,thedemolitionoftheoldWestStand.WhenIreadthatO’Neillmadehisdebutin a 0-4 defeat at Lutonontheplasticpitch,Unitedwore a one-off all-blueUmbro kit with no badge.Defeats against Lutonwere all the more gallingdue to their chairmanbeing David Evans - ToryMP for Welwyn Hatfield- and chief exponent of

the 100% membershipschemeandawayfanbans.Evans, of course, famouslypenned a letter to theTaylor enquiry slating thebehaviour of ticketlessLiverpool fans in previousfixturesheattended.Lutoncaptain Steve Foster wasa risible David Speedie-esque hate figure amongNUFCsupportersfollowinghis antics with Brightonin a 1985 FA Cup fixtureandsubsequent‘hardman’incarnations. United wonthe return fixture 4-0 - agamebestrememberedforBlakelaw’smanabouttownKenny Wharton sitting ontheball.

O’ pleaseOkay, I admit it.There aretimes when I look aroundat owners of other clubsand wonder if we reallyought to be acceptingof our lot. Not satisfied,just accepting. I think ofTan at Cardiff (changingclubcolours),AllamatHull(changing club name) andthe utter incompetence ofthe Venky’s, Briatore, andMandaric, and wonderif we got off lightly. ThefinancialaffairsofHicksandGilletteatLiverpoolandthehumanrightstransgressionsof Shinawatra at ManCity are arguably of more

tf 90 www.true-faith.co.uk

significance, but MassimoCellino at Leeds takes thebiscuit. Ditching the club’skit deal with Macron andincurring a £5M legalclaim is a mere detail ona charge sheet which listsover30legalchallengesfornon-payment or breakingof contracts and likelyemployment tribunalsfor unfair dismissal ofstaff.ButjustwhenIbegintoreconcilethatwemightnot have it so bad (worthadding here that manysupporters of the clubsmentioned above wouldsay we have it the worst)you see a story about thehealth and safety recordof Sports Direct at theirShirebrookbasehittingthepress.Sowenowknowthatambulanceswerecalledonmore than 80 times in 2years-36visitsweretotend‘life-threatening’conditions- leavingaconclusionthatstaffwereat thesitewerejeopardising their healthfor fear of losing theiremployment. One womangavebirthinthetoilet.Thisfrom a company whichannounced a 20% rise inpre-tax profits to £300MinAprilthisyearandwhichhas 20,000 staff - 78% ofthe workforce - on casualcontracts.Thisisacompanywhichexpectsstafftohang-around unpaid for 25-45minutesaftereachshiftsothey can be checked forstealing before leaving.January,ofcourse,saw200stafflosejobsatanAyrshirewarehouse of subsidiarycompanyUSCamidbizarrecircumstances whereSports Direct re-purchased

the company after it hadgone into administration,while over 300 staff haveinitiated legal action forbeing excluded from thecompany’s bonus scheme.But let’s not forget ourfriends atW*ng* who, wearetold,arenowtargetingamoreaspirantdemographic-amove,nodoubt,toalignwith other narrative doingtheroundsofbeingontheside of the ‘hard-workingfamily’ as opposed to the‘feckless scrounger’. Nowall the talk is of helpingworking people who are“cash and credit cardrestrained”through1,509%APR.Wehaveallreadhowthe FCA investigation in2014 found W*ng* guiltyof unfair and misleadingdebt collection practices,forcing them to write-off£220M of customer debtleading you to seriouslywonder for the IQ of anyadult wearing a shirt withthe company’s monickeron display.Tory donor andventure capitalist AdrianBeecroft owns a major

stake inW*ng* and thereis an unsubtle correlationbetween Conservativewelfare reform and thenumberofpunters seekingloanswithhugeannualisedinterestrates.

Much has been writtenabout the damaging,manipulative and vulgarpracticesofeachcompany.That these are now thetotemic brands of ouroutward identity is adeconstructionofthesoul.

O’ hold onLook,themanwaskeentotellushowsoonwecouldexpect to see a change ofapproach but when yourearly fixture card featuresArsenal, Chelsea, ManUnited,ManCityandtrickyaway trips to West HamandSwansea,twasprobablybest to keep your powderdry.Exacerbatedbyastop-start pre-season againstsecond-string MLS sides,McClarenhasapointwhenhe talks of having a ‘real’look at his roster in livetimeEPLfixtures.McClaren

has just failed to see theratherglaringcontradictionin needing to build a sideover 3-4 transfer windowsbut asking to be judgedafter10games.

O’ not again

Ihaveneverinmylifetimeseen NUFC beat a goodSunderland side and I amyet to see NUFC beatenby one. The six in a rowstraplinemighthelpALoveSupreme sell a few mores**tt-shirtsto lonelymenwho still live with theirparents, but the latestsetback was undeserved.You would probably haveto go back to the 1954-55season to seeadecent(finishedfourth)SAFCbeatUnitedinacampaignwhichbroughttheFACupbacktoSJP. Sure, 0-3 is the onlystatistic that matters butthebeerwilltastesweetinMayifthatmeltedSpittingImage puppet takes themdownandwestayup.Sigh- realaspirationoncefilledmyheart.

www.true-faith.co.uk tf 91

CALL PHOENIX TAXISTHE NORTH EAST’S GREENEST AND MOST SUSTAINABLE TAXI FIRM

PhoenixTaxisisoneoftheNorthEast’slargesttaxioperatorswithover170vehiclesontheroad.

Blyth•Newcastle•Bedlington•Cramlington•Ashington•Morpeth,Pegswood,Stobhill&surroundingareas

•SeatonSluice•SeatonDelaval&Holywell•Shiremoor•WhitleyBay•Tynemouth•NorthTyneside

Corporate and Account services - contact us here

CALL US TODAYON 01670 540 222

BOOK ON YOUR SMARTPHONE

We have fantastic Android or iPhone Apps. Find out here.

BOOK ON OUR WEBSITE

It’s quick and easy, click here