topic 2 which window do you manage your kids (or students) from?
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Mark Le Messurier, for. TOPIC 2 Which WINDOW do you manage your kids (or students) from? Taken from the introduction of ‘Raising Beaut Kids’ . MINDFULNESS - the right ‘MENTAL SET'. clarity of purpose quality leadership b alanced levels of compassion and control - PowerPoint PPT PresentationTRANSCRIPT
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Which WINDOW do you manage your kids (or students) from?Taken from the introduction of ‘Raising Beaut Kids’
Mark Le Messurier, for
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clarity of purpose
quality leadership
balanced levels of compassion and control
capacity to identify and act decisively
a connecting role-model
ability to stay composed under pressure
MINDFULNESS - the right ‘MENTAL SET'
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THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW An insight into how you manage others
Those who DON’T do it
Those who do it WITH othersThose who do it TO others
Those who OVER do it
respectful leadershiprelational and assertiveenabling growthmutual communicator
Authoritive
Neglectful Permissive
controllingbossy, micromanagingauthoritarianautocratic
Punitive
indulgent and lenientrescues/overly protectiveexcuses behaviour
Low
High
High
Stru
ctur
e/Li
mits
/bou
ndar
y Bo
unda
ry se
tting
/ ac
coun
tabi
lity
FIRM
NES
S
Level of support / Nurturance / Flexibility
FAIRNESS
disinteresteduninvolved/ absentpassive/ submissive
Your style isn’t necessarily what you ‘think’ it is - it’s what is experienced by others. What they see and feel about your interactions and choices
What’s yours?
Punitive Neglectful Permissive Authoritive
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arklemessurier.com
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THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW An insight into how you manage others
Those who do it TO others
controllingbossy, micromanagingauthoritarianautocratic
Punitive
Low
High
High
Stru
ctur
e/Li
mits
/bou
ndar
y Bo
unda
ry se
tting
/ ac
coun
tabi
lity
FIRM
NES
S
Level of support / Nurturance / Flexibility
FAIRNESS
Your style isn’t necessarily what you ‘think’ it is - it’s what is experienced by others. What they see and feel about your interactions and choices
What’s yours?
Punitive Neglectful Permissive Authoritive
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How is the learning from the video relevant to what happened to Dan?
How might it apply to your interactions with students, especially those on the spectrum?
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THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW An insight into how you manage others
Those who DON’T do it
Neglectful
Low
High
High
Stru
ctur
e/Li
mits
/bou
ndar
y Bo
unda
ry se
tting
/ ac
coun
tabi
lity
FIRM
NES
S
Level of support / Nurturance / Flexibility
FAIRNESS
disinteresteduninvolved/ absentpassive/ submissive
Your style isn’t necessarily what you ‘think’ it is - it’s what is experienced by others. What they see and feel about your interactions and choices
What’s yours?
Punitive Neglectful Permissive Authoritive
ww
w.m
arklemessurier.com
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THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW An insight into how you manage others
Those who do it TO others
Those who OVER do it
Permissive
controllingbossy, micromanagingauthoritarianautocratic
Punitive
indulgent and lenientrescues/ overly protectiveexcuses behaviour
Low
High
High
Stru
ctur
e/Li
mits
/bou
ndar
y Bo
unda
ry se
tting
/ ac
coun
tabi
lity
FIRM
NES
S
Level of support / Nurturance / Flexibility
FAIRNESS
Your style isn’t necessarily what you ‘think’ it is - it’s what is experienced by others. What they see and feel about your interactions and choices
What’s yours?
Punitive Neglectful Permissive Authoritive
ww
w.m
arklemessurier.com
.au
THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW An insight into how you manage others
Those who do it WITH others
respectful leadershiprelational and assertiveenabling growthmutual communicator
Authoritive
Low
High
High
Stru
ctur
e/Li
mits
/bou
ndar
y Bo
unda
ry se
tting
/ ac
coun
tabi
lity
FIRM
NES
S
Level of support / Nurturance / Flexibility
FAIRNESS
Your style isn’t necessarily what you ‘think’ it is - it’s what is experienced by others. What they see and feel about your interactions and choices
What’s yours?
Punitive Neglectful Permissive Authoritive
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A taste of attachmentDr Jenny Suthers
Clinical PsychologistGolden Grove, SA
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THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW An insight into how you manage others
Those who do it WITH others
respectful leadershiprelational and assertiveenabling growthmutual communicator
Authoritive
Low
High
High
Stru
ctur
e/Li
mits
/bou
ndar
y Bo
unda
ry se
tting
/ ac
coun
tabi
lity
FIRM
NES
S
Level of support / Nurturance / Flexibility
FAIRNESS
Your style isn’t necessarily what you ‘think’ it is - it’s what is experienced by others. What they see and feel about your interactions and choices
What’s yours?
Punitive Neglectful Permissive Authoritive
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.au Alfred Adler Rudolph Driekurs
The 4 goals of ‘misbehaviour’
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Behaviour; child refuses to join in Possible Motivation; ‘I don’t feel safe’‘I want attention’‘I can’t be near him’‘I’m anxious’
Behaviour; child laying in seat, leaving seat, slumping in seat
Possible Motivation; ‘I’m worn out’‘I have the wriggles’‘Say sit up so everyone will notice me’‘My body is floppy. I can’t keep sitting’
Behaviour; talking out of turn side conversations disruptive actions
Possible Motivation;‘I’ve forgotten your rule’‘I’m impulsive’ ‘I’m still learning’‘I want everyone to notice me,’ ‘I’m the boss’
Behaviour; silly responses to questions or during class activities
Possible Motivation;‘Attention seeking’‘I need you to know...’‘I want help with...’‘Please notice me!’
Behaviour; inappropriate running during movement activities
Possible Motivation; ‘I want to be first’‘Notice my talent?’ ‘I want to sit next to...’‘Whoops! What should I do?’
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The 4 goals of ‘misbehaviour’ - Adler’s basic premises
1. Man is a social being and his main desire is to belong
2. All behaviour has a purpose. To understand behaviour we need to know where it is directed - a big part of the direction is towards finding one's place to belong
3. Man is a decision-maker
4. Man does not see reality as it is, but only as he perceives it, and his perception may be ‘mistaken’ or ‘biased’
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eed
for s
ocia
l re
cogn
ition
Universal need for social recognition
REVENGE SEEKINGbehaviour
POWER SEEKINGbehaviour
ATTENTION SEEKING behaviour
DISPLAYS OF INADEQUACY
When social recognition not perceived
When social recognition not perceived
When social recognition not perceived
When social recognition not perceived
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arklemessurier.com
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THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW An insight into how you manage others
Those who do it WITH others
respectful leadershiprelational and assertiveenabling growthmutual communicator
Authoritive
Low
High
High
Stru
ctur
e/Li
mits
/bou
ndar
y Bo
unda
ry se
tting
/ ac
coun
tabi
lity
FIRM
NES
S
Level of support / Nurturance / Flexibility
FAIRNESS
Your style isn’t necessarily what you ‘think’ it is - it’s what is experienced by others. What they see and feel about your interactions and choices
What’s yours?
Punitive Neglectful Permissive Authoritive
ww
w.m
arklemessurier.com
.au
THE SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW An insight into how you manage others
Those who DON’T do it
Those who do it WITH othersThose who do it TO others
Those who OVER do it
respectful leadershiprelational and assertiveenabling growthmutual communicator
Authoritive
Neglectful Permissive
controllingbossy, micromanagingauthoritarianautocratic
Punitive
indulgent and lenientrescues/ overly protectiveexcuses behaviour
Low
High
High
Stru
ctur
e/Li
mits
/bou
ndar
y Bo
unda
ry se
tting
/ ac
coun
tabi
lity
FIRM
NES
S
Level of support / Nurturance / Flexibility
FAIRNESS
disinteresteduninvolved/ absentpassive/ submissive
Your style isn’t necessarily what you ‘think’ it is - it’s what is experienced by others. What they see and feel about your interactions and choices
What’s yours?
Punitive Neglectful Permissive Authoritive
ww
w.m
arklemessurier.com
.au
Scenario There are two students in the same home group - they have most lessons together. One is Matt and the other is Bob. Basically, they’re good kids with supportive families. This year they started year 8 at a new school and Bob is fixating over wanting Matt as a new friend. His approach swings from kind-hearted friendship to boisterous ‘put-downs’.
Matt likes Bob, but can’t deal with the wild ‘mood swings’. To be fair, Matt likes things to be predictable and go his way too. Both, of course, are on the spectrum. Both have good/average IQ’s, both are always anxious and reactive, and see things their way. Matt has asked to move home groups because he’s overwhelmed. Lately, Matt’s been talking about ‘his rights’ and his anxiety has skyrocketed to tummy aches and diarrhea before school.”
Work with those at your table – your task – to role-play
1 person to take a persistent ‘punitive approach’ as an educator/parent
1 person to take a ‘neglectful approach’ as an educator/parent
1 person to take a ‘permissive, overly-protective approach’ as an educator/parent
Everyone else to take an ‘authorative approach’ allowing skill building and growth
Discuss and debate!
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Taken from the introduction of…
‘Raising Beaut Kids’