Top Ten MessagesYou Want Your Kids to Get

The outline for “Top Ten Messages . . .” may be downloaded from:

www.momtomom.org/HAH/TopTenMessages.pdf

Can you hear me now?

Our busy lives

Our noisy world

Our own confusion

Our challenge with 2-way communication

Why communication is so hard:

In a Nutshell: God’s In a Nutshell: God’s ModelModel

“This is my Son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased.” (Matt. 3:17)

“This is my son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased. Listen to Him!” (Matt. 17:5)

Mom to Mom: the ABC’s of Self-worth:AcceptanceBelongingConfidence

Child’s Three Greatest Needs:Security (Give them love)Significance (Give them purpose)Strength (Give them hope)

Tim Kimmel,Grace-Based Parenting,p. 25

Tim Kimmel,Grace-Based Parenting,p. 25

Top Ten MessagesYou Want Your Kids to

Get

(My “Top Ten” messages—but think about yours!)

Note to Mom:

Amidst all the noise out there, amidst all the voices calling to your kids, the voice your kids will hear the loudest...

is yours!

You will—and do—make a difference!

I love you unconditionally.

Unconditional love = the foundation of everything we do as moms

We love imperfectly (only God loves truly unconditionally) but we can be conduits of His love

“My love is not based on your ‘success.’”

“Nothing you can do will make me stop loving you.”

Message #

1

TIPS:Learn how your kids can feel your love.(Ross Campbell, How to Really Love Your Child)

Learn your kids’ love languages.(Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages of Children)

Explore ways to “send love” in their language.

I like you for who you are – just as you are.

Kids need to know we not only love them (“our job”) but also like them (at least most of the time!).

Reality check: This may take time, creativity—and work!

Beware missing who your children are because you see only who they aren’t.

Beware living vicariously through your kids—wanting them to be just like you, or everything you weren’t.

Message #

2

Listen – really listen – to them.

Show up for their games, shows, concerts, etc. Kids often spell love “T-I-M-E.”

TIPS:

Become a student of your children– find something you can like about them.

Take an interest in what interests them.

I believe in you.

Instill realistic (not inflated) confidence in your child.

Let them know you’re “on their team” — definitely a fan.

Every child deserves at least one person who really believes in them.

Be their Winston Churchill and “never never never never never give up” on them.

Message #

3

TIPS:

Help them experience small successes.

Help them compete and compensate.

Give realistic – and genuine – affirmation.

Always balance constructive criticism with at least twice as much praise.

I love you too much to let you . . .

“Yes, I love you. But no, you can’t.”

God’s Model: He disciplines those He loves — for their good.

Love requires limit-setting. Kids feel far more secure with boundaries.

Unconditional love as a basis of discipline: Jesus’ followers obeyed because they felt loved — and loved back.

Message #

4

Set the right tone: discipline is at least 90% atmosphere.

Don’t exasperate your kids. Do set realistic expectations and live what you preach.

TIPS:

Let your kids know God is in charge, and He gave you this job.

Basic message: There is a God, and He’s not you! A child needs to know: “I’m not the boss!”

God loves you even more than I do.

Ultimate mom-job:Be a conduit of God’s love to your kids.

In a sense, we represent God to our kids (though imperfectly!), and our kids to God.

Our home can be a mirror, a window, and a skylight.(David Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap)

Message #

5

TIPS:

Live a “Deuteronomy 6 lifestyle.” Get God’s words inside of you – and them!Transfer God’s

tender love to them through your touch.

Welcome questions (Deuteronomy 6). Be a good listener – God is!

Choices have consequences.

God gives His people choices.

Jesus always confronted people with a choice.

Kids need to learn early to choose well, to consider consequences.

Advance decision-making and delayed gratification are crucial.

Message #

6

Beware helicopter-mom syndrome.

Help them learn – and practice – self-control.

TIPS:Allow kids to experience small consequences to avoid bigger consequences.

Resist the temptation to rescue them regularly.

You–and I–will both blow it sometimes. But God will always forgive if we ask Him.

Mistakes – and sin – are inevitable. Forgiveness is always available (for both moms and kids!).

God forgives completely and forever. But He doesn’t necessarily remove all consequences.

“There’s no place you can go that God’s love can’t find you.”

Message #

7

Model apology and forgiveness.

Teach kids to say “I’m sorry.” You say it, too.

Allow for open-window moments of tender conversation and fresh starts.

TIPS:

God will never leave you or forsake you.

This is a no-matter-what promise.

“No matter who else lets you down, He never will.”

“There may be times when I can’t be there for you – but God will be.”

“My love is imperfect. God’s is perfect – and truly unconditional.”

Message #

8

Pray with them regularly, and encourage them to bring their fears to God.Look for children’s books that reinforce discussion about both fears and God’s presence in real-life situations.

TIPS:Read Bible stories that reinforce these truths.Talk about them. Act them out.Share your own personal stories of times and ways God has been with you.Encourage kids to talk with you about their fears.

It’s all grace. Living in God’s grace makes life fun.

God’s grace means: It’s all about Him, not you(mom or kids)!

Teach grace — not do, but done.

Live by grace — don’t be beating yourself up, Mom.

Parent by grace: inside-out (grace-based), not outside-in (fear-based) parenting.

Message #

9

Keep your sense of humor, learn to laugh at yourself, and don’t take yourself too seriously.

Remember, laughter can build relationships.

TIPS:

Make learning about God fun.

Remember kids watch more than they listen.Make grace contagious.

I will always pray for you.

Prayer is the ultimate gift you can give your kids.

Prayer is a lifelong commitment. Get your knee-pads ready!

We can pray for them because He prays for us.

You are not alone. They are not alone.

Message #

10

Pray with your kids for others — starting with their father.

Watch prayer become reciprocal — one day they will pray for you!

TIPS:

Practice prayer as a lifestyle. Let your kids see and hear you praying.

Let your kids know that you pray for them(cards, notes, texts).

Praying for your kids is a multi-generational gift.

Your prayers live on . . .

“God shapes the world by prayer.  Prayers are deathless. They outlive the lives of those who utter them.”

(E.M. Bounds)