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Tools for Holistic Counselling

Practitioners Handbook

By Isabelle Cunningham

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Part One – The Holistic Counselling Process

You…the holistic counsellor

The foundations of happiness

Building the foundations of happiness

Life charting

Reflection time

Needs

Needs assessment chart

Equipment

Outcomes of holistic counselling

Counselling sessions

Assessment

Introspection

Goal setting

Support

Part Two

Tools for holistic counselling

Listening

Gratitude journal

Worry time

Positive thinking skills

Affirmations

Foundations of mind-body medicine meditation as a healing tool

The Very Beginning at The Very End

Printable Hand Outs

1/ Life Charting Exercise

2/ Foundations of Life Exercise

The contents of this publication are protected by copyright law and may not be reproduced without the written permission of the publisher. © Isabelle Cunningham 2009 Practitioners are responsible for the safe delivery of the contents of this eBook and while all care is taken the author and the publisher can take no legal responsibility for any harm that comes to any person as a result of instructions printed herewith. Practitioners are advised to use caution while delivering programs to clients, obtain public liability insurance and insure elderly, injured and disabled students have medical clearances from their own doctor before participating. Practitioners are also advised not to give medical advice to clients where they are not legally qualified to do so. The information herewith is not intended to replace medical advice.

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PART ONE

THE HOLISTIC COUNSELLING PROCESS

You…The Holistic Counsellor.

Nothing and no one can teach any person to be a good counsellor, other than living.

A person could study the academics of psychology, human nature and counselling techniques for a lifetime and while

they would be an expert in the how’s and why’s of the human mind, they would not necessarily be a great counsellor.

This is because being a good counsellor is something that is part of the essence of a person. It is not only about facts

and research it is about compassion, understanding, intuition, personal experience and life’s purpose.

Counselling, and in particular Holistic Counselling, is a calling. The fact that you have chosen it as a career for yourself

is a pretty good indication that you already possess most of what is needed to be a good counsellor.

As a Holistic Counsellor it is imperative that first and foremost you take good care of yourself.

If you allow the stressors in your life to build up unchecked and spend all your time helping others to learn how to be

happy without applying the skills you have for yourself, you will burn out…It is one thing I can guarantee!

You, the Holistic Counsellor need to practice what you preach. You need to eat healthfully. You need to drink plenty of

fresh, clean water every day. You need to get enough sleep. You need to get enough regular exercise. You need to

meditate EVERY DAY. You need to spend time in reflection every day and you need to spend time in life planning every

week. If you are not already practicing all of these basic things on a daily basis, now is a great time to start.

The Foundations of Happiness.

Hundreds of years of scientific research into the meaning and substance of happiness has taught us there are certain

things a human being requires in order to be happy.

Basically, these things revolve around our needs being met in the three AREAS OF EXISTENCE (in this order):

1/ Our physical needs 2/ Our emotional needs 3/ Our spiritual needs

If our physical needs are not met, we are unable to meet our emotional or spiritual needs adequately. The Physical

needs are the foundation on which our emotional needs rest and our emotional needs are the foundations on which

our spiritual needs rest. If the foundations are unstable, the whole structure is faulty.

This theory could be argued by sighting that some of the most spiritually contented people in the world have very little

on a physical level, compared with the people of the western world who seem to have their every physical catered to

in abundance but who are still mostly unhappy. It could seem that those people living in the wealthier countries

actually have less happiness than many who live in extreme poverty or with the bare essentials of survival (like many

Monks, Sufi’s and Guru’s – Buddha himself attained enlightenment through, among other things, the abandonment of

possessions).

This is because these foundations are not based on actual need they are based on perceived need. What we each view as essential to our comfort varies greatly depending on what we have been exposed to within our cultural

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surroundings. A person who has grown up in the modern word, surrounded by technology, information and

consumerism may see a three-bedroom house with a garden and indoor plumbing as the absolute bare minimum

requirement for shelter. Where a person who has grown up in the third world may view a rough one room shack with

a dirt floor and relatively clean drinking water within half a day’s walk as sufficient to meet their needs for shelter.

This is not to say the person from the modern world is wrong or spoiled because their needs are clearly in excess of

what we know a human being can actually, physically, survive with. It is simply an extreme illustration of the fact that

we all have different needs, depending on our personal experiences of life. Our perception of our own physical,

emotional and spiritual needs must be met in order for us to recognize ourselves as happy.

Building the Foundations of Happiness.

The first step toward true and lasting happiness for any person is in ensuring their needs are met in all three areas of

existence. But first we need to identify exactly what those needs are.

Within the three main needs areas there are several sub-areas that require individual consideration.

AREA OF EXISTENCE SUB AREA OF EXISTENCE

Physical Shelter (Home)

Nourishment (Food/Water)

Health

Clothing

Comfort (Possession)

Emotional Love (Family, Friendship and Romantic Love)

Social Interaction

Creative Expression

Satisfaction/Achievement (Career or Community)

Status (To perceive ourselves as valued, appreciated

or respected.)

Spiritual Sense of belonging

Dreams/Goals

Information/Guidance/ Education

Sense of purpose

For many people identifying what their own needs are is a more difficult task than we might initially expect. With so

much time spent just getting on with the business of living and so many external influences telling us what we need

(Commercialism – a new car, a better house, more expensive skin care!) and what we don’t need (or don’t deserve)

may people are caught up in what they are ‘supposed’ to need rather than aware of what they really do need.

Life Charting .

The life charting exercise is about taking time out to look at the big picture and in doing so, examining all the little puzzle pieces that form that big picture of a complete and happy life, where all the persons’ needs are identified and

met. It is like deciding where you want to go in your life and charting a course, or making a map, to get there.

It is recommended that every person takes at least one day out every month for a Life Charting Day. If possible, the

person should go away to some relaxing, natural place for the day (or at least half a day!) They should go alone and

take what they need to spend a relaxing day (food, water, shade, etc.) They should also take pens of several colours

and their Life Charting Journal (which could be an exercise book.)

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The idea of a Life Charting Day is to spend some uninterrupted, private time relaxing, reflecting and meditating. The

more natural and private this place is, the better.

During a Life Charting Day, we will examine what our needs are, reflect on how those needs are being met and plan

ways to work toward having any unmet needs met.

Reflection Time.

Between Life Charting days, it is important to spend some time every day in reflection. It is usually best to do this first thing in the morning. During Reflection Time we revise our Life Charting Journal, remembering the goals we have set

and look at what we can do that day toward achieving those goals. Even a small step forward everyday will bring us

great results.

Needs.

Clearly identifying and being aware of our personal needs is very important because they form part of the

requirements we have to be honestly happy. They exist, whether we acknowledge them or not. Those needs that

dwell within us unrecognised often become deep seated sadness and can even develop into serious illness.

Sometimes we don’t recognise particular needs because we have just not taken the time to truly examine all the

aspects of our lives and sometimes we choose to ignore certain needs on a subconscious level because facing them

might be painful. This could be because the fulfilment of these needs might require more change than we are willing

to tolerate (for example the need for romantic love in a loveless marriage may be viewed as pointless because the

person may see the only way to have this need met is through ending the marriage and may not be willing to do this

for various reasons. So the conscious mind will try to ignore the need.) The person may use avoidance to try and

detach from their need: Working long hours for example. Sometimes people ignore or do not recognise their needs

because they have been convinced the need is fundamentally wrong, within itself. (For example, a person who grows

up in a family full of academics whose upbringing has convinced them success only comes with academic

achievements…but who longs to be an artist. The need for creative expression may be stifled because the person

views their need as weakness or as foolishness.)

Often when people recognise their own needs on a conscious level, much of the subconscious programming that has

been stopping them from embracing their needs and seeking to have them met is significantly diminished because

they begin to use rational thought to view these patterns, rather than old mental patterns.

The “Life Charting Exercise” is a great way to begin working with your clients. It gives you and them a clear picture to

begin with. It is like a map for the journey you are about to guide them on, towards a happier and more satisfying

existence. Of course, any great journey must be an adventure and so we must be willing to take side journeys along

the way to our destination, update the map as we go and sometimes, discard the old map completely and start all

over again. This is why we use Reflection Time and Life Charting Days, they provide points in the journey where we sit down and consciously look at where we are, where we want to be and what we need to do to get there.

For you the counsellor, making Life Charting a routine part of your lifestyle will benefit you in many ways. Not only will

it help you provide your clients with guidance based in your own active participation, but it will help you to build and

continue to achieve the lifestyle you truly desire for yourself. It is practicing what you preach. It is having the good

sense to use your tools, not only for the benefit of others but in taking good care of yourself.

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Needs Assessment Chart.

One way for us to develop a firm understanding of our own needs is to use the NEEDS ASSESSMENT CHART, below.

The Needs Assessments Chart requires us to look at the three areas of our existence and consider the sub-areas of our

existence. We then look at the eleven different areas of our lives (as listed below) and consider what our personal

needs are on all of the areas.

LIFE AREA NEEDS HOW ARE NEEDS BEING

MET NOW

PLANS FOR HAVING NEEDS

MET

HOME

HEALTH

FAMILY

LOVE

FINANCES

CAREER

FRIENDSHIP

LEISURE (OR FUN!)

CREATIVITY

COMMUNITY

SPIRITUALITY

Explanation of LIFE AREAS:

LIFE AREA EXPLANATION

HOME Our living environment; our house; our locality

HEALTH Level of fitness; general health;

FAMILY Immediate and extended

LOVE Romantic partnership; sexuality.

FINANCES Financial situation

CAREER Profession; job

FRIENDSHIP Social interaction; support network

LEISURE (OR FUN!) Hobbies; activities

CREATIVITY Creative expression; art; craft

COMMUNITY Contribution to community; volunteer work; humanitarian work; charity

SPIRITUALITY Personal development; spiritual growth, sense of purpose

Once we have listed what our needs are for each area of life we can look at how those needs are currently being met.

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The chart might then look like this example below.

LIFE AREA NEEDS HOW ARE NEEDS BEING

MET NOW

PLANS FOR HAVING NEEDS

MET

HOME To live in a healthy safe house in a quiet area.

To be near the beach.

To be close to public

transport

Looking for a house to rent

near the beach.

HEALTH To feel healthy and strong

To be happy with my weight

Joined Gym

FAMILY To spend quality time with

my children every day

Not much

To have weekly contact with

my parents

LOVE To feel loved and

appreciated

Nothing

FINANCES To be making at least $1,000

profit every week

Nothing

CAREER To be working for myself in a job

I really love, that I am

passionate about.

Started a training course

FRIENDSHIP To spend quality time with

people whose company I

really enjoy and who really

like me, where I feel

appreciated and supported.

Nothing

LEISURE (OR FUN!) To spend more time

enjoying nature.

Walk on the beach once a

week

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CREATIVITY To learn a musical

instrument.

Nothing

COMMUNITY To contribute to my

community through doing

some work to help homeless

animals.

SPIRITUALITY To feel more in touch with

my spiritual path.

We then consider ways to have those unmet needs met and finally make plans for having all of our needs met. The

chart may now look like this example below.

LIFE AREA NEEDS HOW ARE NEEDS BEING

MET NOW

PLANS FOR HAVING NEEDS

MET

HOME To live in a healthy safe house in a quiet area.

To be near the beach.

To be close to public

transport

Looking for a house to rent

near the beach.

Contact real estate agents and start looking at houses

Start saving for the move

Find out removal truck

costing

HEALTH To feel healthy and strong

To be happy with my weight

Joined Gym Plan to visit gym 3 times a

week

Improve diet

FAMILY To spend quality time with my children every day

To have weekly contact with

my parents

Not much Take kids out once a week

Start reading to kids at night

Ring parents every

Sunday

LOVE To feel loved and

appreciated

Nothing Improve my self-image!

FINANCES To be making at least $1,000

profit every week

Nothing Look for part time work

from home position to

improve income

CAREER To be working for myself in a job

I really love, that I am

passionate about.

Started a training course Keep working n my course

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FRIENDSHIP To spend quality time with

people whose company I

really enjoy and who really

like me, where I feel

appreciated and supported.

Nothing Join a social group – Start

belly dancing one night a

week

LEISURE (OR FUN!) To spend more time

enjoying nature.

Walk on the beach once a

week

Move to the beach and

walk every day! Do belly

dancing

CREATIVITY To learn a musical

instrument.

Nothing Ask a musical friend for

advice and lessons.

COMMUNITY To contribute to my

community through doing

some work to help homeless

animals.

Nothing Ring the RSPCA to see about

helping out occasionally

SPIRITUALITY To feel more in touch with

my spiritual path.

Meditate every day. Read a

little about personal

development every night

Once we have considered what our needs are within the various ‘life areas’ and thought about what we are doing to

have those needs met and considered what else we are willing to do in order to have those needs met, we need to

make plans for actually doing it. Just writing ‘join a gym’ is not enough. We need to break that plan down into very

doable bite size pieces.

The plan might look like this…

1/ Get a list of phone numbers for Gym’s close to work.

2/ Ring Gyms and ask about their membership deals/Find out fees.

3/ Make an appointment to visit the Gym that sounds best.

4/ Check out the Gym – Book in

5/ Go to Gym after work on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

If we do one of these five things every day we will have found a Gym, joined and be attending within a week. If we just

keep looking at the big picture of “shesh! I really gotta get around to joining a Gym!” It is likely to stay in the ‘must do’,

possibly indefinitely

Having a diary is very helpful in achieving goals. Once the plan is made, we can write the things we need to do in the

diary so that we actually remember to do them! A good rule with listing things to do in a diary is never to have too

many things listed on one day or we risk combining too many doable tasks back into a jumble of too many small tasks

again.

In coaching your clients to use this method for achieving goals that result in them having their needs met it is worth

encouraging them to start off with as little as three things to do toward achieving their goals each day. Achieving small

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triumphs is much more motivating than continual failure. When it is evident that your client is easily meeting their

goals, they can take on more.

A challenge is important but in the beginning those challenges must be achievable, from your clients prospective.

DREAMS + ACTION = GOALS

Equipment.

Some material requirements for implementing the Holistic Counselling tools in this booklet include…

A Diary – Even a small week to a page diary is helpful.

A Journal – This could be a simple exercise book

You may like to provide these things for your clients or you could ask them to bring their own to your first session.

Encourage your clients to personalise their diaries and journals. They could simply cover them in pretty paper or draw

all over them, whatever they like; this is a great exercise in creativity.

You will need the following items in your consultation room.

Tissues – It is always useful to have a box of tissues on hand. Clients can become quite emotional during counselling

sessions.

Water – Have drinking water and clean glasses or paper cups in easy reach.

A White Board - Or large pieces of light cardboard and coloured pens for brainstorming sessions

Clock – A clock in an easy to see position allows you to keep track of the time and know when to start winding the

session up, without constantly checking your watch or mobile phone.

Seating – Comfortable seating for both you and your client is important. Chairs need to be placed in a position where

you can easily face each other.

Privacy – Your client must feel free to speak without fear of being overheard.

Outcomes of Holistic Counselling.

Happiness is a basic fundamental right.

Counselling is like coaching — like hiring a personal trainer

Holistic Counselling addresses the whole person and takes into consideration all the different aspects of a person’s life.

Health; Relationships (Family, romantic, friendships); Work; Finances; Living environment (Home); Sexuality; Leisure

(Relaxation); Self-image; Creativity; Community; Education; Spirituality.

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Because a happy life is about balance, it is essential that no area of life is neglected. The ideal outcomes for Holistic

Counselling are…

1/ The client feels comfortable, heard, understood and respected.

2/ The client has the opportunity to express their feelings, fears, desires, worries, thoughts and their history in a non-

judgmental, safe environment.

3/ The client is provided with guidance that helps them identify the areas of their lives that they are happy with and

also those that need work to bring them satisfaction and contentment. 4/ The client feels self-empowered and is

assisted to make achievable plans for creating a life they truly want for themselves.

5/ The client feels supported and encouraged.

6/ The client leaves with a realistic action plan.

Counselling Sessions.

In the first session you spend with your new client you will be getting to know and attempting to understand them.

It is usual for clients to want to talk about what they perceive their problem/s to be first. It is important that your

clients feel heard. Often people who seek Holistic Counselling are at the end of their tether. They may feel they have

no one to talk to, no one who really understands them or that they have already exhausted all the support they have.

They have made a decision on some level that they are no longer willing or able to go it alone. They want help.

Often people already know what they must, should or could do and just as often they feel conflicted because some or

all of these ideas may be based on old blue prints (erroneous subconscious patterns) rather than on what they actually

want for themselves. They are often looking for someone to give them confirmation rather than solve their problems

for them.

The provision of Holistic Counselling does not mean solving your client’s problems for them. Other people’s problems

always seem so much easier than our own to solve but we cannot run other people’s lives for them, we can only guide

and support them toward running their own lives in effective, satisfying and self-empowered ways.

The Holistic Counselling process has several elements

1/ Assessment

2/ Introspection

3/ Goal setting

4/ Support

5/ Reassessment

6/ More goal setting

7/ More support

8/ Reassessment

9/ More goal setting

10/ More support…and on it goes.

1/ Assessment.

As your client talks to you about why they have sought out counselling and proceeds to tell you about their life and

their problems, you can take notes to help you remember to come back to certain topics or comments they make

when they have finished talking, rather than interrupting them or taking them away from the flow of their story with

questions about specifics.

Usually they will believe their problem (or their lack of happiness) revolves around one area of their lives and often

they are right. We however are looking at the whole person and working on the knowledge that all areas of a person’s

life must be balanced in order to create genuine and lasting happiness. So, while we acknowledge our clients history

(and the traumas they may continue to relive along with the erroneous blueprints these experiences have recorded in

their subconscious mind) we are looking at their overall wellbeing and searching for clues about what deep seated

ideas about themselves limit their ability to pursue the kind of life that will bring them happiness and contentment.

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Let us consider that deep inside all people there is knowledge of self-purpose. It has been recorder throughout history

in so many ways…people feel on a deep personal level that they have some purpose to full fill in their lives. Those

people who do not feel purposeful are usually unmotivated and lack vitality. They are usually unenthusiastic about life

and are not happy (worse, they often don’t even recognise being unhappy – they live more in a state of lack of happiness rather than a perceived state of unhappiness.

So, they often don’t even recognise that they can change their situation). People who feel they must have purpose but

don’t know what that purpose is often spend a great deal of their time unproductively and find little satisfaction in

their daily lives. They can feel they are ‘on the wrong track’; failing at life; and often feel unhappy. These people know

there is something more for them, but they do not know what it is, where to find it or even how to begin to find it.

People with a sense of purpose usually have order in their lives. They are motivated and even when they face major

problems or trauma they have a solid point of being that allows them to remain positive, seek solutions, set goals and

move forward.

They feel happier, more satisfied and are more productive than people who lack a sense of purpose or who feel

alienated from their own life’s purpose.

There is an old metaphor that compares the human sense of purpose with a plant in nature. It says that a tomato

plants purpose is to grow tomatoes. Right from a seed, the tomato plant knows its purpose. The tomato plants life

cycle is successful when it completes the cycle and fulfils its purpose. The comparison is intended to draw attention to

the fact that in nature everything has its purpose and that nature is working in perfect harmony with everything to

help all things reach their natural purpose. We as humans are also part of nature and that deep sense of purpose we

feel is no accident. We all do have a purpose and everything we know through every discipline we have studied as a

species throughout history indicates that true and lasting happiness is a result of that sense of purpose being fulfilled.

Like the tomato plant we need to grow, we need to blossom, and we need to feel we are moving toward the fulfilment

of our own life’s purpose.

The experiences we have through our development can either prepare us for knowing and perusing our life’s purpose

or they can build road blocks that deter us from knowing or striving for it.

As an example, let’s look at a client who has grown up in family where the father was seldom present and where the

mother had to work very hard both in and away from the home to provide for the family. The mother may have been

kind and loving but it is likely she would also have been exhausted and frustrated with little time and energy left for

herself or for anyone else.

On a deep subconscious level growing up in this environment could leave different children with different belief

systems about adult life.

• A daughter may develop the idea that a woman’s lot is a difficult one and that the measure of success for a

woman is only in how well she provides for her family. Or even in how hard done by she is!

• A son might get the idea that women are supposed do it all and believe that he has no responsibility to

provide for himself or a family in the future…as that is a woman’s role.

These are only two possible examples to illustrate the different messages each child will receive from the different

situations they encounter as they grow up. The issue we really need to examine is how these old blue prints

(erroneous belief systems) limit our ability to live the lives we would choose for ourselves.

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Different schools of psychology use a limitless list of counselling techniques, analytical processes and therapeutic

disciplines in attempts to understand the human mind, how it works, why and how to ‘fix’ it. A person could literally

spend a lifetime in therapy and still never uncover every erroneous belief system, personal ‘hang up’ or road block to

happiness contained in their unfathomably complicated mind…and many have!

Our goal here is to move on. Acknowledge the past and be able to step out of it into a better a future. If a person is not

happy we need to look at what will bring happiness and not waste still more precious time digging around in what

made them unhappy in the first place.

Repression of experience, suppression of grief, old self judgements and other unresolved issues create bolted doors

that stop people from allowing themselves to live a self-scripted life where they feel happy and successful.

Unworthiness is the rust that keeps these doors bolted and we as counsellors need to focus on helping our clients

decide what it is they want in their live from the platform of their intellect (MIND) and assist them to unbolt the doors

that block them from pursuing their dreams and desires by developing a strong sense of self-worth and true purpose

(Soul) and then assist them to create workable goals and achievable physical plans (BODY) toward achieving those

goals…and creating the lives they desire and deserve for themselves.

So that we can be aware of some of the major mental obstacles that are blocking our clients from living full, satisfying

and happy lives we do need to be aware of their history. We also need to let them express themselves in their own

way in order to unburden themselves (get it out,) build a foundation for a solid client/counsellor relationship and

begin to define the areas of their lives that need maintenance.

2/ Introspection.

This is when your client gets to have a good look at where they are now and where they want to be. The sheet at the

end of this book ‘Foundations of Life’ is a hand out for you to copy and work through as an exercise with your clients.

Alternatively, if you are short of time, you could give it to your client to complete at home and bring back to you at

your next session with them.

The ‘Foundations of Life’ exercise is very similar to the Life Charting Exercise. It looks at eleven different areas of your

clients life; Health; Relationships (Family, romantic, friendships); Work; Finances; Living environment (Home) ;

Sexuality; Leisure (Relaxation); Self-image; Creativity; Community; and Education.

When your client completes the exercise, you will both have a clearer picture of which areas in your client’s life need

work and which areas are already working well.

The exercise will help your client to make some decisions about what issues they need to address and what goals they

want to set.

Once the Foundations of Life exercise has been completed, your client will be ready to move on to the Life Charting

Exercise.

3/ Goal Setting.

Once you have gone through the ‘Foundations of Life’ exercise with your client and looked at the different areas of

their lives and discussed the new things they want to bring into each area of their lives, it is time to help them set

some goals, through the Life Charting Exercise (print outs for the Life Charting Exercise are at the rear of this booklet.)

These goals must be challenging but also realistic and achievable in the clients’ perception. They must feel challenged

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in order to be motivated and also to have a sense of achievement once the goals are reached. They need this sense of

achievement to experience success and motivate them to set and reach further goals.

At the same time, it is important to encourage clients to set realistic and achievable goals. Not what you perceive to be

achievable but what they perceive to be achievable. Setting goals they can’t really imagine happening for themselves

will make them loose motivation and cause procrastination; they will feel like they have failed before they have even

begun (especially if you make it seem so easy!) Setting goals they can’t see as attainable in a realistic way can also

make them feel like it’s all out of their reach and even ‘airy fairy’.

Example: Let’s say your client is overweight and wants to set a goal to get in shape. Setting a goal of losing one kilo in a

week might seem realistic to you but for someone who has struggled with weight gain for years it might as well be 100

kilos! Ask your client what they see as a challenging but realistic goal. In this way we are training our clients to trust

themselves and empowering them to be the goal setter in their own lives.

Once a goal is set, a plan for achieving the goal can be designed. Your client should have a diary. They can use the diary

to write notes in during your session and also in between sessions (to discuss with you at the next session.) It can also

be used for journaling or any other written exercises you both feel will be useful, as well as setting tasks for

themselves.

In setting plans for achieving goals it is helpful to create a ‘to do list’, as outlines in the Life Charting Exercise, this gives

your client manageable steps to follow. You can use brainstorming techniques to help your client think of ways to

achieve their goals if necessary.

Let’s use the client who wishes to lose weight as an example again. Let’s say this client (Mary) wants to lose an overall

amount of 20 kilo’s and also wants to improve her general health. Mary wants to achieve this goal within six months.

Let’s say Mary feels she could probably lose one kilo a week if she really tried. We would then set a goal for Mary to

lose one kilo by the next session (if her sessions were weekly.) We would then make a list of the things Mary will need

to do in order to achieve her goal.

The first thing we would do (as responsible holistic therapists who are not medically qualified) is suggest Mary makes

an appointment with her doctor to ensure none of the things she is about to do will cause her any harm. The list might

look like this (in Mary’s diary.)

• Make doctor’s appointment for Monday

• Have a medical check up

• Walk for half an hour before work every morning • Do not eat any wheat products or junk food this week.

These are the things Mary will try to do during the next week and she will let you know how it went at the next

session. If she achieved these goals with ease you might both decide to lift the bar a little higher with her next week’s

goals. If she found it too difficult it would be fair to set some goals that are a little less challenging for a start.

Support.

As a Holistic Counsellor your role is similar to the role of a personal fitness coach. You are helping your clients identify

their personal goals, plan realistic ways of achieving those goals and then encouraging and supporting them while they

work to achieving those goals for themselves.

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A fitness coach does not lift the weights for his client and you cannot do the work for your clients either. If your client

is going to develop a sense of self-worth and experience self-empowerment they must make the hard choices and do

the work for themselves. You will not help them by doing all the work for them.

Many people find themselves at a point for various reasons where they expect other people to make things better for

them. They just want someone else to make it all better. These people need to be treated with respect, empathy and

understanding and encouraged to take control of their own lives and do the work of making their lives better for

themselves.

PART TWO

TOOLS FOR HOLISTIC COUNSELLING

Listening.

Compassionate Listening:

Listening in such a way that your client feels heard and understood. This includes listening with intent (not appearing

distracted or uninterested.) If something is distracting you from listening fully to your client, pause the session and get

rid of the distraction.

Active Listening:

Listening to what your client says and then reiterating parts of the conversation back to your client. This has two

functions 1/ It shows your client that you are understanding them clearly and 2/ it helps a client hear what they are

actually saying themselves! It can assist you to draw your clients’ attention to comments they may have made that

expose old erroneous belief systems.

For example: Let’s say a client is talking about some situation in their lives and they say something like ‘…because I can

be really lazy….’ you might say something like ‘you think your lazy?’

Sometimes a client will respond to this method as if it is the first time they ever heard that comment in their lives even

though they probably speak it hundreds of times in a month. You might get a ‘wow’ this will give you the opportunity

to explore that belief and implement new ways to reprogram it into something much more positive and helpful.

Even if your client does belie they are lazy on a conscious level and feels the judgement is justified, any negative self-

opinion needs to be eradicated in order to bring holistic wellbeing to your client. The most effective tool for changing

any belief system is affirmations and incorporating positive affirmations into your client’s wellbeing routine will help

clear away old, harmful mental patterns.

CAUTION: Active listening can appear condescending when over used. Be sure not to seem patronising.

The Gratitude Journal.

For many people a victim mentality and many years of focusing on the negative make positive thinking a skill that

requires learning. The Gratitude Journal assists the mind to recognise and centre on the positive aspects of our lives

that are real and in the here and now. Some popular methods of developing positive thinking skills require a ‘fake it till

you make it’ approach where the

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person visualises themselves already having the ideal situation when their reality is far from it. For example, a person

who is having financial difficulty might picture themselves already wealthy despite the fact that in truth they are

struggling to find the rent money. This method does have its advantages because it serves to train the mind to except

that this pretended reality is a possibility. It helps to introduce emotions and thoughts that open the person up to the

possibility of experiencing this situation in real life where they previously have been unable to even comprehend what

the desired situation would feel like. However, for many people, especially those with little knowledge or experience

of the power of positive thought, this ‘fake it till you make it’ methods feel silly and unrealistic. This type of creative

visualisation is better used as a back up to Gratitude Journaling to assist in opening the mind to new possibilities

rather than to develop positive mind sets.

Gratitude Journaling focuses on what is good in a person’s life right now. The system requires a note book and pen and

for the person to make entries into the journal at least once a day. The entry is simply a list of all the things in the

person’s life that they are grateful for. For some people, who are heavily entrenched in negative though processes,

this can be more difficult than it seems. In some cases, it is necessary to start off small and get bigger as the habit of

focusing on the positive develops. On the first attempt we might ask a client to simple make 4 or 5 entries each day.

Each entry should begin with …I am grateful for…. this may be followed with my good health, or that I have a great

job, or the love of my dog; anything at all the person considers a good thing in their lives. We can also suggest the

person just keeps making entries until they run out of things to list and it is acceptable to list the same things each day.

For example, if the person is grateful for their relationship with a particular person they might list that every day. As

time passes, recognising positives in their own life will become easier and the list will begin to grow. Often gratitude

lists star out to reflect vey internalised feelings and personal situations but over time the lists expand to encompass

the outer world. Through using this method every day, a person who struggled to find anything to feel good in their

lives will often start feeling grateful for living in a free country or the birds in the trees outside their window for

example. This development is an indication that the habit of focusing on positives instead of negatives is forming.

The second part of using gratitude journaling to develop positive mind sets is to reflect on the entries made in the

journal. Throughout the day we ask people to check their emotional barometer. This simply requires them to consider

what emotions they are feeling in that moment. If they recognise negative feelings (e.g. anger, sadness loneliness,

etc.) their emotional barometer is telling them that they are functioning from a negative mind set. This method for

switching across to a positive mindset simply requires them to take a moment to start reflecting on the things they are

grateful for. If convenient they may be able to spend some time flicking through past entries as a reminder of all the

good in their lives or they may just take a quiet minute to make a mental list of the things they feel are good n their

lives right there and then. This method of developing positive thinking skills can be a struggle for some while other get

the hang of it and see enormous benefits very quickly.

Focusing on the positive is not about ignoring problems that are real and need fixing. However, if worry fixed anything

no one would ever need to come up with a solution to anything ever again. There is a difference between recognising

and working toward resolving a problem and worrying about problems. Worry is unproductive and unhealthy.

Developing a positive mindset requires us to learn to spend the majority of our time (where we are thinking) focusing

on the positive. Because the reality of negative situations, problems and issues that need to be overcome is a very real

one, our lives would soon fall into chaos if we simply refused to think about anything negative at all. We are not trying

to create a sugar-coated world of denial here, we are working at developing optimism and reducing worry (reducing

stress.) When we have a positive mindset for the majority of the time (are optimistic) our minds are clearer, and we

are able to function more ‘in the now’. Therefore, we are better equipped to deal with problem solving in a proactive

rather than a reactive manner.

The third aspect of the Gratitude Journal method for developing positive mindsets is to allocate 15 minutes every day

to problem solving. The method requires us to sit down with a note book (a separate book from the gratitude journal –

as that is dedicated only to positives) and work through our worries. The problem-solving sessions begins with us

making a list of the things we might worry about. For example, we might be having relationship difficulties with a

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loved one and so we would put this on the list of problems along with any other ‘worries’. During this 15 minute

session we go over the things we are worried about and try to come up with ideas to solve them. Problems that are

worried over all day sabotage our ability to enjoy the rest of our lives, they can take us over. They don’t get solved

because we are drowning in them and get stuck in a negative mindset. However, when our minds are clear, positive

and relaxed we are in a far greater position to come up with innovative solutions to most of our problems.

During the day (all times outside of worry time) when we recognise ourselves worrying about a problem, we simply

delegate it to worry time. If there is nothing we can do about it right then, we choose to deal with it later, in the appropriate time. If it is a new worry, we make a note of it and decide to address it during our next worry time.

Similarly if we have come up with an idea regarding solving a worry we make a note of it and decide to address it in its

delegated time slot. Once the worry has been acknowledged, noted (either mentally or on paper) we switch the worry

off by consciously revising the things we are grateful for. This revision of gratitude can almost become a personal

mantra and in many ways is a form of meditation. We are blocking out all thought, other than the NOW and those

thoughts that involve the things in our lives we are happy about.

NOTE: We can sit and postulate the theory of positive mindsets, hypothesise its benefits and spout psychology all day

but people who seek help to change their lives want to be given tools they can utilize, immediately and incorporate

easily into their lives that give them recognisable results faster than quickly.

Summary of the Gratitude Journaling Method for Developing Positive Mindsets.

1/ Begin to keep a journal and make entries into the journal every day, listing all the things you are grateful for in your

life in the now.

2/ Develop the habit of connecting with your emotions at intervals throughout the day. When you become aware of

negative emotions or when you find yourself entertaining worrying thoughts make a note (either mentally or on

paper) to address the worry in its appropriate time space (worry time.) Then begin to focus on the things you are

grateful for in your life, either from memory or by reading through past entries in your gratitude journal. *While you

think about the things you are grateful for, allow yourself to connect with the emotions that these thoughts cause you to experience. Name these emotions (e.g.: peace, love, excitement, etc.). Doing this will assist you to

more easily identify with and draw on positive emotions.) 3/ Set 15 minutes to half an hour aside each day to worry; During this time use a note book to list the things that cause

you worry and problems that need solving. You may wish to designate one page to each problem and then use that

page to work specifically on that problem.

* It is important to remember that most problems do not need to be solved immediately and often cannot be

anyway. When we allow ourselves to ‘sit with a problem’, acknowledging that we are working on it and don’t need to solve it right now, we take the pressure off ourselves and this opens our minds to clearer thought and

greater problem solving capabilities and so by allowing ourselves time to work on the problem we will usually find the solution faster. See the section below on Solution Finding for tools to use during worry time.

NOTE: People will have varying times available during their day to fit journaling and worry time into and it is important that each person practices these exercises at a time that does not impose on their normal lives. However, it is best if Grateful Journaling follows closely behind worry time. This will assist the person to switch back from being absorbed in problems to focusing on the positives in their life.

Worry Time (Solution Finding).

The use of the label worry time may seem to be a negative term and we might consider calling it something more positive like solution finding time. However, we are working with minds that are already used to identifying with

certain terms and while our goal is to teach new tools that develop the skills our clients require to live with greater

positivity and control over their own bodies, minds and lives as a whole, we will see greater results if we do not try to

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introduce new language at the same time or appear to be trivialising the power of positive thought by sugar coating

our terminology. When we worry, we worry and the skill we are teaching here is how to take control of worry and

direct it into positive results rather than being overrun with worrying thoughts.

How to Use Worry Time.

1/ Each issue to be solved (or problem) is listed and then broken down to its essence through a stepping down

process. Below is an example of a solution finding session for a hypothetical problem.

Problem: James (the person’s 12-year-old son) is not doing his homework and therefore starting to fall behind at

school.

Step 1/ Look for the cause of the problem

Step 2/ Consider possible solutions (Brainstorming)

Step 3/ Choose the best solution

Step 4/ Plan to implement the program

STEP 1:

This first step can take some very objective thinking and detachment. It is important that the true cause of the

problem is recognised. In this case we will say that James spends a lot of time playing computer games and talking to

friends online.

STEP 2:

In the first instance brainstorming requires the free flow of ideas without judgement or exploration. Ideas should be

jotted down on paper and it is fine to include the ridiculous (in fact this is desirable as it helps the mind to clear out

obstacles through expression – we are not required to use every idea that pops up.) At the end of the brainstorming

session when no more ideas are surfacing we go through the list and cross out those that are not workable, sensible

or plausible. (NOTE: When brainstorming with other people, one person should be the note taker and everyone else

speaks out their ideas. It is essential for success that no one is ridiculed or judges for any idea they put forward, even

if it seems ludicrous at the time. Everyone must be free to express their ideas without fear. At the end the group

simply looks for the most workable ideas and circles those.)

STEP 3:

After the brainstorming session at least one workable solution should have been noted. In this example we will say it is

that James is not allowed to turn on the computer after school until his homework is finished.

STEP 4:

For this example, the planning to implement seems quite straight forward. We would simply tell James the new plan.

However, in some cases there may be a series of steps required to reach the solution. If the solution requires a detailed

course of action the person may need to break it down into workable steps and plan to do one thing toward reaching

the solution each day rather than becoming daunted by trying to attack the whole thing at once (which can cause

procrastination – one step at a time can often seem far more achievable).

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Positive Thinking Skills.

Journaling

Meditation

Muscle Relaxation Exercises

Stress Management Diary

Affirmations

Positive Self Image

The development of positive thinking skills requires us to develop the habit of thinking in a positive or optimistic

mindset. This does not mean becoming over idealistic or ignoring reality. However, it is important to put the negative

influences of the world outside into prospective.

Journaling.

A daily routine where we use a Gratitude Journal in combination with worry time and positive reflection on the things

we view as positive in our lives trains our minds to isolate worry and develops the habit of choosing positive thought

without neglecting unpleasant issues in our lives that we do need to eventually address.

Meditation.

Incorporating Meditation into our daily lives also teaches our minds to be centred and calm. It trains us to have control

over our thinking and enables us to eliminate the chatter of thought that typically leads us into negative thinking. The

more we exercise control over our minds through meditation and choosing to reflect on the positive aspects of our

lives, the faster the habit of thinking positively develops, in much the same way as a bicep muscle will develop and

become stronger with regular weight lifting. When our minds are calm and quiet as a matter of normality and we are

mostly focused on positive (grateful) thoughts our brains (and our bodies) are in better condition to cope with

stressful situations, problems and unexpected situations when they do arise.

Muscle Relaxation Exercise.

Through practicing muscle relaxation exercises we train our brains to recognise the first symptoms of stress (flight or

fight reaction) and also how to release muscle tension on command. This ability allows us to minimise the effects of

stress when it does arise and helps us to feel calmer, more in control and better equipped to deal with the situation.

Because we are not experiencing a full-blown fight and flight reaction our thinking remains clearer and we are better

able to respond (act rather than re-act.)

Stress Management Diary.

When we begin to recognise the situations in our lives that cause us to respond with a stress reflex (fight or flight

reaction) and look at ways we can either eliminate or at least minimise those stress triggers, we develop problem

solving skills that build up a habit of confidence. We begin to feel more powerful within our lives and begin to focus

more on choice and less on feeling like a victim in our own lives. When new stressful situations present themselves,

our minds are better equipped to deal with them. We have created the positive mindset of knowing we can do

something about them.

Affirmations.

Affirmations are arguably the most useful tool available to us in developing positive thinking skills. We can see the

foundations of Affirmation in many familiar practices from psychology to religion in various forms. Some of these

forms include chanting, prayer and hypnosis. Affirmations are statements made by the conscious mind that are

directed at the subconscious mind. In many ways it is how our intelligent mind can communicate with our primitive

mind. As most of the information we have ever absorbed into our subconscious has come to us in words, we are able

to modify or reprogram that information with new words.

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Most people use negative affirmations alarmingly often. Habitually, when people make mistakes, they will reprimand

themselves verbally with harsh words, calling themselves ‘idiot’ for example. Often the harsh words we say out loud to ourselves are the same harsh words spoken to us in the past that have formed our negative or erroneous

subconscious beliefs about ourselves.

Why use Affirmation.

Affirmations can be used to reprogram useless, erroneous and unproductive subconscious (or even conscious) belief

systems to install new more positive and useful belief systems. They are selfempowering, self-governed, free and

always available to us. Most importantly Affirmations work quickly and effectively.

When to use Affirmations.

Affirmations can be (and should be) used at any time you do not need to be thinking of something else. The use of

Affirmations while you do ‘auto pilot’ tasks, like washing dishes not only serves to improve your positive thinking skills

by developing positive belief systems it also helps you avoid slipping into negative brain chatter at times when your

intelligence is not fully required.

How to use Affirmations.

While there is some benefit in thinking Affirmations, they are most effective when they are spoken aloud. This is

because most of the information programmed into our subconscious minds was spoken aloud to us at some stage in

the past and it was probably spoken to us repetitively. We can overwrite this information by repeating statements

aloud that contradict the old belief system.

Creating posters that are attractive to look at and putting them in places where you will see them often (like toilet

walls, above your sink, on your bedroom wall, on the sun visor in your car) will also help to install the required new

belief system into your subconscious mind.

Creating Affirmations.

It is essential that Affirmations are positive statements that are rhythmic and easy to say. Our brains remember and

best respond to melodic sound and words we like.

Foundations of Mind Body Medicine.

Mind-Body Medicine works on the premise that all forms of disease (Dis-Ease) in the body is caused and can therefore

be cured in the mind.

Mind-Body Medicine focuses particular therapeutic attention upon the role of the Mind-Body relationship in illness

and health. The essential therapeutic aim is to promote bodily health and healing via the mind and through the Mind-

Body relationship.

The role of Meditation in the treatment and prevention of disease is recognised by the Australian Medical Association

as well as the Royal Australian College of General Practitioners.

Beginning in the 17th century, the need for separation between the mind and body arose within Western cultures.

This gave medical science the freedom to explore and experiment on the physical body while maintaining the church's

domain over the mind. While this separation has permitted great advances in the understanding of the nature and

treatment of diseases, it has also limited its progression as it has produced reliance by Western medicine on

technology and what has come to be known as "body-mind dualism."

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Within the last 30 years, some researchers have turned to alternative and complementary medical systems to explore

the interconnections between mind and body. Researchers have also learned that most traditional systems of

medicine appreciate and incorporate into their practice the complex and powerful relationship between the mind and

the body.

Scientists have developed a new discipline, called psychoneuroimmunology, which interlinks psychological, autonomic,

immune, and nervous system functioning. Current Mind/Body Medicine extends beyond psychoneuroimmunology to

include the fields of psychology and physics in a new "science of consciousness," which views energy as the underlying

pattern of the universe. This is similar to many Asian philosophies, such as Ayurveda and Tibetan medicine that see

human beings as part of an interconnected, universal energy field.

Healing, using mind/body medicine usually begins by promoting physical and mental relaxation, and developing better

ways of coping with stress. A variety of techniques may be used, including biofeedback, body psychotherapy,

hypnotherapy, and guided imagery (Creative visualisation/guided Meditation).

Mind/Body Medicine is based on the recognition of the relationship between mind and body, the body's innate

healing potential, and the partnership of patient and healer in restoring the body to health.

In 1993, The New England Journal of Medicine published a study stating that one in three adults had used some form

of unconventional medicine, with mind/body techniques being the most frequently used. Mind/Body Medicine has

emerged as an integral part of comprehensive health care, has given rise to the legitimization of wide-spread research

and the incorporation of mind/body programs in major medical institutions.

The application of Mind-Body Medicine is a detailed and complex science, where the application of generalised healing

techniques focussing on the development and maintenance of a healthy mind will have a direct positive effect on

physical health.

Techniques used to develop positive thinking skills and Meditations specifically designed to promote healing attitudes

offer a generalised therapeutic treatment that offer a self-managed method of eliminating disease from the body,

encouraging cell regeneration, developing strength in the immune system and generally maintaining good physical

health.

Meditation as a Healing Tool.

The application of Meditation as a healing tool for both psychological and physiological conditions is infinite.

Medical research has proven that Meditation lowers the heart rate and reduces blood pressure. The connection

between mental calm and physical wellness has been established through clinical research into Mind-Body Medicine

and most traditional forms of medicine, including Ayurveda, utilise some form or derivative of Meditation as part of

their healing method.

That which ancient cultures have long known, is now generally accepted throughout the Western World; Meditation

when practiced on a regular basis not only promotes happiness through developing a calmer mind but improves

physical health, prevents disease and can cure illness.

While using any form of Meditation will assist in healing the body and maintaining optimal health, specific visualisation

Meditations can be used to address precise areas of the body where intensive healing is required. This may include

visualising healthy organs or directing attention to the particular part of the body that requires healing. We may also

include the chanting of positive Affirmations into a Meditation or use a visualisation where the person imagines an

outside force like a bright, healing light shining on their body.

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Likewise, Meditation can be used to address clinical conditions of the mind like depression, behavioural disorders,

addiction, anger issues and many others.

The Very Beginning at The Very End.

The information in this booklet is about how to use Holistic Counselling skills with your client but before you put any of

these tools into practice, there are some very important preliminary ideas you will need to consider.

1/Turning enquiries into appointments

When potential clients telephone you to discuss the idea of booking a Holistic Counselling session with you, the

impression they get from your telephone conversation will be what makes them decide to book the session with you,

or not.

Their impression of you will be formed on the level of professionalism and approachability you project into your

telephone conversation with them.

If you are using your home phone to receive business calls you might want to either train family members to answer

the phone in a businesslike manner or have them not answer the phone at all during business hours. You may wish to

get a business line put in, especially for your clients to contact you. Keep in mind that many older and middle

agedcpeople will not call a mobile phone if they have a choice between ringing you on your mobile number and

ringing another counsellor on a land line.

Do not get into counselling sessions on the telephone unless you are providing a telephone counselling service and

your client is paying for your time.

Be polite and friendly but keep it brief. Tell your potential client what Holistic Counselling is about, give them your fee

structure and the times you have available. Ask for the appointment.

2/ The counselling environment

Whether you choose to counsel from home or you hire a room somewhere, it is essential to provide a professional,

private, clean and comfortable counselling environment.

Take into consideration how your clients will reach you. Is your counselling room accessible by public transport? Is

there car parking available? Is there space for clients to wait? Are there clean accessible toilets? Will the room be quiet

and private?

3/ Preparing yourself

Before you begin a counselling session always take some time out to revive yourself. It is important that you don’t feel

rushed and frazzled as the day progresses. Make sure you leave yourself enough time between sessions to take a

break (a short Meditation or a brisk walk is always great!) Make sure your mind is clear, you look neat and clean and

you are ready to meet your clients when they arrive.

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4/ Greeting your clients

When your new client arrives at their first session with you, they may be quite nervous (you may be too!) Take control

of the situation. Greet your client in a warm but professional manner. Shake your clients hand firmly and introduce

yourself.

5/ Taking notes and keeping records

During the counselling session, you may wish to take notes, always ask your client if they mind you doing this. Explain

the notes are just for your own sake and that their information will be kept completely private.

Always keep records about your counselling session and refresh them prior to your clients next session. This will help you take off where you left off at the last session and show your client that you remember what is going on with them. Your client should not have to spend session time reminding you of things they have already told you.

Always keep your clients record safe and confidential. Do not let others see your clients records and do not discuss

your clients with your friends, family or other clients.

6/ Ending sessions

It is important to wind sessions down as the end of the time approaches rather than bells ringing mid-sentence. Tell

your client it is time to start wrapping it up about five minutes before the session time is over. Use the last few

minutes to outline what your client has decided to do before their next session. This way the session will end with a

feeling of closure.

7/ Debriefing yourself

There are times when a particular client, their situation or something they have said could be upsetting for you,

perhaps pressing your own buttons; if you are feeling strong and in control you will be in a better position to deal with

these types of situations. It is therefore important, as I have said before, to take good care of you. You cannot help

anybody else, if you are not taking care of yourself.

Establish a way of debriefing yourself, if you feel upset by a client or the outcome of a session.

This could be through Meditation or you could contact your Mentor for counselling yourself.

8/ Ethics of counselling

The role of counsellor is a privileged position. Your client will share very personal information with you; possibly even

confide things about their lives, themselves, their love ones and their feelings they have never shared with anyone

else before. While counsellor/client confidentiality is obviously something to be taken very seriously along with

practicing open mindedness and non-judgment the issue of personal power is potentially the most import thing for

the counsellor to be aware of.

We must constantly examine our own motivation and make sure that it is to help our clients to become self-

empowered and not to have power over them ourselves.

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LIFE CHARTING EXERCISE: Needs Assessment Chart.

LIFE AREA NEEDS HOW ARE NEEDS BEING MET NOW PLANS FOR HAVING NEEDS MET

HOME

HEALTH

FAMILY

LOVE

FINANCES

CAREER

FRIENDSHIP

LEISURE (OR FUN!)

CREATIVITY

COMMUNITY

SPIRITUALITY

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Foundations of Life Exercise

LIFE AREA EXPLANATION

HOME Our living environment; our house; our locality

HEALTH Level of fitness; general health

FAMILY Immediate and extended

LOVE Romantic partnership; sexuality

FINANCES Financial situation

CAREER Profession; job

FRIENDSHIP Social interaction; support network

LEISURE (OR FUN!) Hobbies; activities

CREATIVITY Creative expression; art; craft

COMMUNITY Contribution to community; volunteer work; humanitarian work; charity

SPIRITUALITY Personal development; spiritual growth, sense of purpose

Think about each of you own life area and fill in the details below

LIFE AREA Rate how happy you

are now with this area of your life

1 is not at all happy -

10 is very happy

Rate how important this

area of your life is to

you. 1 is not at all happy - 10

is very happy

What are three good things about this

area of your life What are the negatives about this area of

your life?

HOME

HEALTH

FAMILY

LOVE

FINANCES

CAREER

FRIENDSHIP

LEISURE

(OR FUN!)

CREATIVITY

COMMUNITY

SPIRITUALITY

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