Elizabeth Hartsell

yfather,TSGTWilliamC.Hartsell,USAF,passedawayinthelineofdutynearly25years

ago.Atoddleratthetimeofhisdeath,Iwouldneverhavememoriesofhisvoiceorhugs,butIknewhewasafirefighterandmymotherandoldersisterhadlovedhim.Growingup,Iheardstoriesabouthischildhoodandsawfamilyphotos,butIfeltemptybecauseIstilldidn’tunderstandWHOhewas.

Asayoungadult,IdecidedtotaketimeofffromcollegeandjoinedAmeriCorpstododisasterrelief.PartofthemotivationbehindthatwashowoftenmygrandmatalkedaboutDad’spassionforservice.DuringmytimeinthetrenchesofNationalService,Ilearnedaboutmyselfand,surprisingly,whomyfatherwas.Workingalongside

eathisanormalpartofthelifecycle.Ithasalwaysbeenso.Butwhensomeonewelovedies,the

experiencefeelsanythingbutnormal.Thisisespeciallytruewhendeathhappens“outofseason”—whenyoungpeopledie,whenparentsoutliveachild,orwhenayoungchildisleftwithoutaparent.Wesearchforexplanations,butsometimestheremaybenoanswers.

For Survivors of Fallen Firefighters

November/DeCember 2010 Issue 39

D

To l i v e i n h e a r t s w e l e a v e b e h i n d i s n o t t o d i e .

~Thomas Campbell (1777-1844)

M

Thereisnoquestionthatlosschangesusprofoundlyandpermanently.Butdeathdoesnotendrelationships.Wefindwaystogoforward,weavingboththelossandthelegacyofthepersonwhodiedintothestoryoftherestofourlives.Inthisissue,survivorssharetheirthoughtsabouttheirpersonaljourneysoflossandcontinuedconnection.

By Elizabeth M. HartsellDaughter of William C. Hartsell (1986-NV)

firefightersandotherservicemenandwomenwhomakeupthisnation’sfirstlineofdefense,Imetmyfather.Thatistosay,Ihadadeepunderstandingofthetypeofmanhewas.Fewmenandwomenmakethechoicetoput

themselvesinharm’swaytoprotectpeopletheymaynotknow.Thosewhodoareextraordinary,yetoftendeceptivelyhumble.

Tohavemyfatherhonoredduringthe2010MemorialWeekendaftersomanyyearswasablessingandajoy.ToseemymotherandgrandmotherhonoredandcaredforinsuchalovingwayissomethingIwillneverforgetandwillalwaysbethankfulfor.Fourgenerationsofmyfamilygottowitnessthegreatdignitywithwhichyourorganizationhonoredmyfatherandfamily.Thankyou!

2 The Journey Issue39•November/December2010

cancertainlysaythatlosingmymotherinaline-of-

dutydeathwhenIwaseightyearsoldhasaffected

myeverydaylifenow.Mymomandmydadresponded

toacallearlyinthemorningandwereinvolvedinacar

accident.Shewaskilledinstantly,andmydadsurvived

withsomeminorinjuries.

Ididn’thaveamomtohelpmegothroughpuberty.I

didn’tgettotellmymomshe’sruiningmylifebecause

shewouldn’tletmegotoaparty.Ididn’tgettohugher

whenIpassedmydrivingtest.Whileothergirlswere

shoppingwiththeirmoms,Iwashomelearninghowto

clean,doingchoresmostkidsdon’tlearnhowtodountil

they’resixteenorolder.Imissedoutonallthoseevents

thatmothersanddaughtersdotogether.

Butitdidn’tmakemebitterorenvious.Ittaughtmethat

lifecanbetakenawayinamatterofmoments.Itmaybe

unfairandhardtounderstand,butIthinkit’smademe

strongerasanindividual.Mymomplayedahugerolein

ourcommunity.Everyonelovedher.Herbeingsopopular

inourtownmadeitveryhardtomoveonafterherdeath.

Now,though,it’sagoodthingtoknowthateveryone

aroundmeknewherandcanhelpmeputtogethera

betterimageofwhoshewas.

Mysisterhasreallybeenmymotherfigure.Ifitwasn’tfor

her,Iwouldn’tknowmuchaboutmymom,andIwould

havebeenleftwithonlyfaintmemories.Losingmymom

haschallengedmyeverydaylife,becauseofthecommunity

weliveinandhowpopularshewasamongsteveryone.

Growingupinafamilywherefirefightingwasallaround

me,Ialreadylovedtheideaofbecomingone.Aftermy

mompassing,thedreamofbecomingafirefightergrew

stronger.NotonlydoIhaveapassiontohelppeople,

nowIwanttohonorherandallthewomenwho’ve

overcomestereotypestodosomethingtheylove.I

honestlybelievemymomismyguardianangel.Sheisn’t

justamomtomeanymore.Shecanbeabutterflyonmy

shoulderorawhistleinthewind,butnomatterwhat,she

isalwaysnearmeandwatchingoverherfamily.

Laurel VanAuken (2nd from left) with her sister, Michelle Price; cousin, Shine Caramia; and aunt, Carole Chisholm

By Laurel VanAukenDaughter of Gail VanAuken (2000-MI)

I

TheNationalFallenFirefightersFoundation 3

Aidan with his dad, Dave, in 2000

Aidan Fontana, 2010

The pieces shared in The Journey belong solely to the authors and may not be reprinted in part or whole without the authors’ written permission.

nJune8,myfourteen-year-oldgrandson,Aidan,tookpartinamovingupceremonywithhis

eighthgradeclassathisschoolinBrooklyn.Hisdad—mysonDave—wasnotthere,becausehewaskilledattheWorldTradeCenterwith342otherfirefighters.

Asmydaughter,Vicki,andIsatintheaudience,wethoughtofDaveandhowhappyandproudhewouldbetobeherewatchinghissix-foot-tallsonfinishthisstepandpreparetogoontohighschool.

Looking for resources for grieving children?

heFoundationcanhelpyoufindcounselors,supportgroups,andgriefcampsforchildreninyourlocalarea,orputyouintouchwithotherswhohavehadasimilarloss.

ContactJennyWoodallatjwoodall@firehero.orgor(301)447-7691.

Wehavealendinglibraryofbooksdealingwithgriefandloss.

Visitwww.firehero.org/resources/library/index.htmltosearchforspecifictitles.

Therearemanyresourcesavailableonline.Searchfor“childrengrief”or

Visitwww.firehero.org/resources/families/other.html.

O

By Antonia Fontana Mother of David J. Fontana (2001-NY)

Aftertheceremony,wewentofftoarestaurantwithAidan’smotherandherfamilyandcelebrated.Leavingthegroup,VickiandIwentbacktothegaragetopickupourcar.Aswewerecrossingastreet,Vickisaid,“Mom,lookup.”IlookedandsawLadder122truckpassingby.Ladder122wasDave’sfirsthouse,butnot“firstdue”indowntownBrooklyn.Daveishere,wethought,andhewantedustoknowit.

T

4 The Journey Issue39•November/December2010

Completingdreams.Sometimeswhenalovedonedies,ourdreamsforthefuturediewiththem.Butifwecanholdontosomeofthosedreamsandbring

themtofruition,therecanbeaspecialsweetnesstothat.Maybelife

isn’texactlyhowwe’denvisioned,butwe’vemanagedtoholdontosomedreamsandlivetoseethemcometrue.Doyouhaveastoryaboutadreamcompleted?

Ifyou’dliketoshareyourthoughtsonthistopicorotheraspectsofyourjourney,pleasesendaWorddocumentore-mailtoJennyWoodallatjwoodall@firehero.orgbyJanuary20,2011.Ifyoudon’tdocomputers,sendatypedorneatlyhandwrittencopyto:

This project was supported by Grant #2009-PS-DX-K016, awarded by the Bureau of Justice Assistance. The Bureau of Justice Assistance is a component of the Office of Justice Programs, which also includes the Bureau of Justice Statistics, the National Institute of Justice, the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, and the Office for Victims of Crime. Points of view or opinions in this document are those of the author(s) and do not represent the official position or policies of the United States Department of Justice.

The JourneyNational Fallen Firefighters Foundation PODrawer498Emmitsburg,MD21727

N a t i o n a l F a l l e n F i r e f i g h t e r s F o u n d a t i o n • P. O . D r a w e r 4 9 8 , E m m i t s b u r g , M D 2 1 7 2 7

(301) 447-1365 f i r ehe ro@f i r ehe ro .o rg

We want to hear from you about…

Public Safety Officers’ Benefits Programs (PSOB)

Toll-free: 1-888-744-6513

Enactedin1976,thePublicSafetyOfficers’Benefits(PSOB)ProgramsareauniquepartnershipeffortofthePSOBOffice,BureauofJusticeAssistance(BJA),U.S.DepartmentofJusticeandlocal,state,andfederalpublicsafetyagenciesandnationalorganizations,suchastheNationalFallenFirefightersFoundation,toprovidedeath,disability,andeducationbenefitstothoseeligibleforthePrograms.

Did you know…

Enactedin1976,thePublicSafetyOfficers’Benefits(PSOB)OfficeattheBureauofJusticeAssistance,U.S.DepartmentofJustice,providesdeath,disability,andeducationbenefitstothoseeligiblefortheprograms.

Shouldafirefighter’sdeathbefoundeligibleforthePSOBbenefit,andthefirefighterhasnosurvivingspouseoreligiblechildrenforPSOBpurposes,thenextlevelofbeneficiaryisthe“PSOBDesignee”onfilewiththeagencyatthetimeoftheofficer’sdeath.ThePSOBOfficehaspartneredwiththeNationalFallenFirefightersFoundation(NFFF)toprovidethefollowinginformationtodepartmentsregardingaPSOBdesignee—especiallyvitalinthoseinstanceswhereapublicsafetyofficerisnotmarriedandhasnochildren,oradultchildrenonly.

The“DesignationofBeneficiaries”templatecanbecustomizedwithdepartmentletterheadandisavailablefordownloadfromNFFFatwww.firehero.org/resources/departments/last/.Ifyouareamemberofthefireservice

orhavefamilymembersorfriendswhoarefirefighters,pleasetakeadvantageofthisimportantresource.

Forquestionsregardingthisinformation,orfordetailsregardingthePSOBDeath,Disability,orEducationalAssistancePrograms,pleasecallthePSOBCallCentertoll-freeat888–744–6513or202–307–0635,orvisitPSOBonlineatwww.psob.gov.