a sacred space to ease the burden

of empty arms

NO FOOT TOO SMALLBIRTHING + BEREAVEMENT SUITE:

give.genesishealth.com/brayden

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We never thought we would leave a hospital empty. Our pregnancy with our fifth child began much like many others. We found out we were having a girl. We shared the news with our families. We prepared to welcome a new baby into our family. And then our world changed.

An ultrasound revealed that the back of our daughter’s neck was thickened and her legs looked twisted to the side and something just didn’t appear quite right. A few days later a specialized ultrasound confirmed our worst fears. Our daughter had multiple severe birth defects, a rare disorder called Limb Body Wall Complex, which is considered fatal. She had no chance of survival after birth.

We would not be able to bring our daughter home with us.

Our moments with our fifth child were numbered. We would not have nearly enough time with her. My husband named her in that moment – Ada Marie – her name means adorned.

We were completely devastated. Somehow we wandered through the next few weeks. We tried to love her as much as we could for as long as we could. We knew she had severe birth defects but we thought she would live until delivery and so we tried to wrap our heads around what her delivery would be like, how we would spend our numbered moments with her, how we would be holding our daughter when she died. The most important thing to us was that the only thing Ada knew and felt during her short stay here was love.

Unfortunately, our time with Ada Marie was even shorter than we thought it would be. She died before we got to hold her in our arms or kiss her cheeks or see her eyes. It was awful.

We delivered Ada Marie a few days later. And everyone who touched her, loved her. We have handprints and molds and pictures taken by wonderful people who wanted to do something to ease our pain. We have been blessed with many to support us on our way, and we pray that we might be able to offer support to others who may someday endure something like this.

A MOTHER’S STORY: BY LYNDSEY DAY

One of the greatest, most miraculous, most incredible moments in a person’s life is the birth of their child. There really is nothing like it.

Those months of preparation, planning, imagining who this person will become, deciding on a name – all culminated in the pain and work of labor. And then, in a moment, nothing else matters but this brand new life that never existed in the world before. A family is made or grown. And the only thing that is wanted for in that moment is for that baby to be ok.

Unfortunately, a couple of times every month for women and families in our community, everything is not ok.

They will not be bringing their babies home. The moments they have with their babies are numbered and, after those moments, they go home. Empty.

We never thought that would be a part of our story, no one ever does.

Ada Marie Day

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A MOTHER’S + GRANDMOTHER’S STORY: BY DANA WILKINSON

Jared WilkinsonMy husband Mark and I have been through each one of those aspects of grief and many more of its complex and unpredictable components.

The one thing I do know about grief that is a constant...it really never completely goes away. It mellows with time. Yet its grip can come crashing back to you without warning, sometimes with only the slightest of a nudge. It can be a whiff of a scent, a glimpse of face, a dream. I also know that we often look for and try to cling to the memories we have of the one lost, to find comfort, peace, and calm.

That is what is most difficult in facing the death of an infant lost either prior to birth or in the minutes, hours or days following delivery. We have no memories. We struggle to think about lost possibilities. A future that will never be. And even worse, no past to rejoice, no memories to hold on to.

It has been 38 years since my husband Mark and I lost our first-born son. Yet even as I write this, I struggle to hold back the tears.

It is still so hard to share our very brief moments of his life and our overwhelming grief.

Our son, Jared, was born 12 weeks premature. I went into early labor just 4 months after the death of my mom. She was just 52. I was just 24.

Jared’s birth was unexpected, quick, and very clinical. He was whisked away without us ever getting to hold him or really even look at him. He was taken away to the NICU with barely a comment to us, his very dazed, confused, and terrified parents.

I was taken to a post-partum room shared with another mom who had just given birth to a healthy, bouncing baby boy. She nursed her baby while I cried into my pillow.

Our baby boy lived 26 hours. We only got to hold him after he was gone. Wrapped in a blanket, the nurses were so kind to encourage us to have that time together. But it was so very brief. Looking back, I still ache to have been able to hold my son longer, to have time alone with him, to kiss his head and fingers and toes.

To witness our own beautiful daughter Lyndsey and husband Kyle go through the loss of their baby Ada Marie, has been gut wrenching. Sadly, we do know firsthand the overwhelming grief she and Kyle are experiencing. In fact, it is doubled when it is your own child going through such loss. Nothing I can say will make that hurt go away. That little bird will stay on her shoulder for long while.

It is strange how grief grips you. It comes in waves. Sometimes all consuming, sometimes just a whisper. Sometimes it hits with such fury you stop breathing.

Sometimes it just hangs around like a little bird on your shoulder, pecking at your neck to remind you it is still there.

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I can still put myself back to those first few days and months of not having our baby. I would spend days sitting at home, feeling helpless that I couldn’t save our boy. I was angry, I felt guilty. I was full of questions no one had the answers to. If we had another baby, would Brayden feel like we replaced him? Would I love that baby as much as Brayden? What if we lost another baby? What if people forget about Brayden?

It was then I remembered my promise to our oldest son and asked myself, “What kind of person would I want Brayden to be?”

I started living my life the way that I would have liked to have seen Brayden live his, caring for others.

I knew we had to find a way to help other families who would soon be faced with the same, awful loss that we had been through. Harnessing my passion for pregnancy, birth, and babies, I became a certified birth and bereavement doula. I have been volunteering in Brayden’s memory for over three years, arriving on a parent’s worst day to hold their hands.

I have the honor of being with these families as they prepare to welcome their baby and say farewell all at the same time. I walk alongside these families and make sure they never feel alone.

I look back and wish I would have held Brayden longer, kissed him, looked at every little detail, and took 100 more pictures.

I think maybe if I would have had someone tell me that it’s ok to kiss my baby or unwrap him, I would have. And that’s why I do what I do, to ensure families have every option, so they never look back and wish they had done more.

We’ve always said to Brayden, “Keep shining your light, little man.” And that’s what we hope to do for the rest of our lives; shine our light so that we can help others see.

A MOTHER’S STORY: BY JESS BUNTEMEYER

Brayden Buntemeyer

“Grief has no expiration date, it cannot be replaced, and it shouldn’t be silenced. Eight years into our grief, I have become a better person, I live for Brayden, we live his legacy for him.”

–JENNY BUNTEMEYER

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The Brayden Buntemeyer Fund honors the life of Brayden Buntemeyer, the son of Jenny and Jess Buntemeyer, who was born sleeping on October 21, 2011. On the morning of October 21, Jess woke up and knew something was wrong. That day, Jess and Jenny’s ultimate fears were realized when at a 30-week ultrasound it was found the cord that nourished him and kept him alive is also what took his life from him.

After a long labor and delivery, Jess and Jenny met their perfect son. As they held him, they promised him that his life would have meaning, that they wouldn’t let this break them, that they would make him proud.

Jess and Jenny have made good on that promise, honoring his memory by serving others through the Brayden Buntemeyer Fund. Jess also serves Brayden’s memory as a volunteer birth and bereavement doula for Genesis BirthCenter and families in our community. She walks with families in their darkest moments, helping them to see the light.

The Brayden Buntemeyer Fund supports families facing infant loss at Genesis Medical Center, Davenport.

Funds are used to provide emotional support to families, create special memories families will cherish forever, and ensure compassionate and loving care for the infants and families we serve.

A MOTHER’S STORY: BY JESS BUNTEMEYER

supporting familiesfacing infant loss

Gifts in support of the No Foot Too Small Birthing + Bereavement Suite will be administered through the Brayden Buntemeyer Fund at the Genesis Foundation.

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Genesis Foundation and No Foot Too Small will partner to build at Genesis Medical Center, Davenport, the nation’s third No Foot Too Small Birthing + Bereavement Suite.

The No Foot Too Small Birthing + Bereavement Suite is designed to serve and comfort families experiencing miscarriage, stillbirth, fetal and infant loss. The suite will include a labor and delivery room and a waiting area for family and friends, including a kitchenette and a spa-like bathroom. This will be a private and comfortable suite where babies will be welcomed into the world and loved, and then families can say goodbye.

This initiative is led by Jess & Jenny Buntemeyer, Dr. Lyndsey & Kyle Day, and Dana & Dr. Mark Wilkinson.

Genesis Hospital Bereavement Suite Floor Plan

privacy, peace, anda place for healing.

“The new Birthing + Bereavement Suite will help us continue our mission of providing compassionate and loving care for the infants and families we serve.”

- KIM NIMRICK, MANAGER, GENESIS BIRTHCENTER

ABOUT THE GENESIS BIRTHCENTEROur GMC-Davenport BirthCenter is the area’s only Baby-Friendly birth center, a designation recognizing maternity care best practices. Our highly skilled doctors, nurses and certified nurse midwives are dedicated to keeping mother and baby healthy and comfortable while they provide coordinated care.

The Davenport BirthCenter also has a dedicated perinatal safety nurse who ensures the highest levels of quality and safety for moms and babies. Providers ensure that the birthing experience is tailored to each family’s wishes and offer the latest comforts for women during their labor.

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“We are deeply humbled by this project that has come from the hearts of many shattered by the loss of their child, reaching out to touch the hearts of those who will someday walk this road and to help them carry the incredible weight that burdens empty arms.” - LYNDSEY DAY

ABOUT GENESIS FOUNDATIONGenesis Health Services Foundation inspires donors to charitably invest in the healthcare of the greater Quad Cities region.

In simple language, the Genesis Health Services Foundation engages donors to save lives, cure the sick, relieve suffering, comfort the dying, bring new life to birth, and keep people healthy.

ABOUT NO FOOT TOO SMALL No Foot Too Small (NFTS), founded by Robin & Ryan Boudreau, was inspired by the loss of their son Beau in 2013. Initially serving families in Iowa, NFTS is expanding nationwide.

Their mission is simple. NFTS will continue to celebrate angels and unite families while partnering with hospitals across the United States to build Birthing + Bereavement Suites for families who will not be taking their babies home.

CELEBRATE ANGELSUNITE FAMILIESBUILD BIRTHING + BEREAVEMENT SUITES

ABOUT THE PROJECT

Our goal is to raise $200,000 in charitable support to match a $100,000 contribution from Genesis Medical Center, Davenport to fully fund this important initiative. With your gift to the No Foot Too Small Birthing + Bereavement Suite, we will build a sacred space to ease the burden of empty arms.

“This space will be a sacred space to say hello and goodbye to a child. It will be a place to cry, laugh, and make memories, no matter how brief, for parents and family members to carry with them.”- DANA WILKINSON

CAMPAIGN CHAIRPERSONS Jess and Jenny Buntemeyer | Dr. Lyndsey and Kyle Day | Dana and Dr. Mark Wilkinson

GENESIS FOUNDATION 1227 E Rusholme Street Davenport, IA 52803

563-421-6865 Foundation@genesishealth.com

give.genesishealth.com/braydenDonate at

We are committed to making a bereavement suite a reality for grieving families.