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variation of the phrase “Do not be afraid” occurs in the Bible 119 times. The words are said by angels, by prophets, by Jesus. “Do not be afraid” is said when people are being called, directed, and in need of hope. It is a simple message, yet one so difficult to obey.

Fear runs deep. It’s a natural feeling, and often a necessary one. When we need to protect ourselves, fear bubbles up within us and helps us to be safe. Fear can be very useful. It can also be paralyzing and inhibit us from the risks of love and life. It can prevent us from letting people in, moving forward and being ourselves. It can stop us from putting our trust in God. In pastoral ministry, as I’ve sat with, counseled and journeyed with people through all kinds of life circumstances, I’ve found that fear is almost always present. A terminal diagnosis, a loss of sight, a child going off to college, a new job, a new baby- while many emotions swirl around, fear is usually there as well. I assume the reason we find the words “Do not be afraid” so often in scripture is because God knows us intimately, and knows that often our first and most natural response to something new or challenging is fear.

Psychology Today says that fear is “a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if we didn’t feel it, we couldn’t protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are far from life-or-death, and thus hang back for no good reason” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/fear). It is those “far from life-or death” fears, that we will examine this Lent.

Lent is a time for us to confront the things in our lives that inhibit our ability to follow Christ completely. Sometimes people will give something up, sacrifice in order to draw closer to Christ who sacrificed for us. Other times people will add something on—do something new during Lent as a way of growing closer to Christ by being more like him. This Lent, I encourage you to try and shed the fears that hold you back and prevent you from fully relying on God.

I conducted an informal survey through conversations, a Facebook poll, and experiences in my own life and ministry to develop the six fears discussed in this book. It is my belief that they are fairly common. While you may not be able to relate to each one, I trust that reading about them will give you insight into the people around you, those whom God’s placed in your life. Perhaps the words will speak to you personally, and help you to shed your fears. Perhaps they will speak to you about how you might help another shed their fears. Whatever the case, my hope is that this resource will guide you through Lent, helping you to grow in your faith and commitment to Christ.

Faithfully,

Rev. Amy Mayo-Moyle

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Chapter 1 February 14: Fear of Failure ............................................... 1 Chapter 2 February 21: Fear of Loss of Independence.................... 7 Chapter 3 February 28: Fear the Real Me Will Be Discovered ....... 13 Chapter 4 March 6: Fears Related to Parenting ................................ 19 Chapter 5 March 13: Fear That I Haven’t Made a Difference in the World by Rev. Suzanne K. Goodwin ................................ 23 Chapter 6 March 20: Fear of Dying ................................................... 29 Epilogue Our Fears Relieved .............................................................. 33

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Matthew 14:22-33 Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but by this time the boat, battered by the waves, was far from the land, for the wind was against them. And early in the morning he came walking towards them on the lake. But when the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified, saying, ‘It is a ghost!’ And they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them and said, ‘Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid.’ Peter answered him, ‘Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.’ He said, ‘Come.’ So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came towards Jesus. But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’ Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, ‘You of little faith, why did you doubt?’ When they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshipped him, saying, ‘Truly you are the Son of God.’

Peter is my favorite disciple. I don’t know if it’s because I can see myself in him, or if it’s just because he so earnestly wants to please Jesus, but I like him. Peter is part of the inner circle of Jesus’ ministry. Peter is the first to be called to be a disciple, along with his brother Andrew. When Jesus goes up on the mountain and is transfigured, Peter is there. When Jesus is met with the need to feed the crowd of 5,000, Peter is there. Peter brings his mother-in-law to Jesus for healing. Peter is one of three disciples to accompany Jesus when he heals Jairus’ daughter. Peter is the first to declare Jesus the Messiah. Peter fails to walk on water. He falls asleep in the garden when Jesus is praying. He denies Jesus three times before crucifixion and he is slow to understand when the risen Christ instructs Peter to “Feed my sheep.”

Over and over again throughout the gospels, Peter is desperate to do things right. He is constantly looking for Jesus’ approval, and wanting to succeed as a disciple. And yet, time and again he messes up, he fails.

The thing that I find inspiring about Peter is that he clearly is not afraid to fail. Failure doesn’t seem to bother him. He keeps trying. He earnestly wants to follow Jesus, even though he continuously doesn’t get it. Even though at times Jesus must have rolled his eyes at Peter, he keeps going, keeps trying.

When my daughter was in fourth grade, her teacher had three rules for the class. (1) Always try your best. (2) It’s ok to fail. (3) Learn from your failures. In a world where we are taught

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that failure is something to be seriously feared, I found this to be a refreshing lesson for the kids. My hope was that my daughter would not be afraid to mess up, or to fail, and that when she does (because we all do) she won’t beat herself up for it. My hope is that when she does fail, she’ll choose to just learn from it. But that’s a hard lesson to learn in a society that instills the drive for success in our children from an early age. Competition, grades, and accomplishment based value all teach us that failure is not an option, but rather something to be feared. A Peter is hard to find in today’s world.

In an article in Forbes magazine, contributor Vanessa Loder writes, “Every entrepreneur I know is afraid of failure. It’s human nature. When we go out of our comfort zone, we feel scared. As entrepreneurs, our ego and identity become so wrapped up in what we are doing, that when things do not go as we expect, we can literally feel like we are going to die.” Most of the people who shared with me that the thing they fear the most is failure are normal people who want to do good, provide for their families, feel accomplished and respected. Yet their fear of failure can prevent them from all of that.

Fear of failure is actually a phobia. Atychiphobia is the abnormal, unwarranted and persistent fear of failure that often leads to a constricted lifestyle. People with this phobia find the fear so intense that they choose not to risk. They might give all kinds of excuses as to why the risk will never work, why the failure is certain. Fear of failure can mean that we undermine ourselves, so afraid of failing that we ensure we do. We do nothing.

Fear of failure can affect our work life, our family life and our faith life. When we are unwilling to risk, we find ourselves content to live with the status quo. Promotions and opportunities are passed by. Fear of failure at work can also lead us to adopting unhealthy work styles. Our drive for success can become so big that it can affect our physical health, our relationships and our ability to keep perspective. Our priorities can get out of line when all that we do is focused on ensuring we do not fail. When that happens, inevitably there is no room for God.

I believe I have shared before about Rev. Jim Timmons. Jim was a pastor in our conference for many years. He died in 2002 from cancer. Jim was the retired pastor on staff at Metropolitan UMC when I was an associate pastor there. Jim and I didn’t always see eye to eye on social issues or even on theology, but Jim was one of the most faithful people I ever knew. He lived his faith. His love for Jesus shone through him in all that he did. One day in a staff meeting, Jim said something to me that I have never forgotten (this is the part I’ve shared before). I was sharing about everything going on in the education ministries of the church and all I was doing. I was going on and on about all that I had to get done. At age 25, I had not yet learned to share the responsibilities of ministry. I was so afraid of failing at ministry, that I was not leading well. As I went on and on talking about how it was all up to me, Jim looked at me and said, “You have a lack of faith.” His words stung. They hit me so hard. He saw that and went on to explain. “You think it’s all up to you—you have no room for God. How can God help you when you’re so busy trying to

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do it all yourself?”

I was so worried about everything that I had to do and ensuring that it was all a success, I forgot that God is always there to help me. The drive to ensure that we never fail means that we close ourselves off to the ways that God will help us. When we are so afraid to fail, we do not give God the opportunity to turn our failures into opportunities, into blessings.

I read a Huffington Post article on the gifts of failure that I found encouraging. In it, Sonia Thompson writes that “failure is a blessing.” She focuses on how to reframe the opportunities that come with failure. In some cases the fear of failure can be unavoidable, but in many, if not most, failure can mean possibility. She shares five gifts of failure. She is writing from a secular position. I see the blessings of failures as gifts of God’s grace. When we are open to God’s possibilities, God can help us learn and grow through failure.

Failure can help you figure out what you really want. Thompson says, “Failure forces you to have moments of truth with yourself.” When you fail at something, you are given the opportunity to assess if it is really worth it to you. You can ask yourself, “is this really what I want?” “Is this really what I am good at?” “Is this really what I’m called to do?” A family friend was serving as a director of music ministries. He loved music and enjoyed working with all ages, helping them to glorify God through music. An opportunity came his way to serve a large suburban church just outside of Chicago. The music program was significantly larger than the one he’d served and it was a great opportunity for his family. So they moved and he took the job. And after four years, he was fired without reason. This naturally put him in a tailspin. His life was turned upside again and he was hurting. Out of this he began to hear a call to the ministry of the ordained elder. They moved back home, he went to seminary and served twenty-five years as a very successful pastor. Failure forced him to listen to God’s voice and figure out what he was really called to do.

Failure can boost your self-esteem. The world so often defines us by our titles, our prizes, our accomplishments and toys. When you fail, you are forced to let go of those things. You can find freedom from the things of this world that drive you, and open yourself to your own gifts and possibilities. Overcoming failure is an incredible accomplishment in and of itself, just not generally one we put on a resume. Failure shows us that closed doors will not define us. When you realize that failure will not kill you, you can fly and rise up and soar, and like Isaiah 40:31 says “renew your strength…mount up with wings like eagles… run and not be weary…walk and not faint.”

Failure keeps you humble. Sometimes our egos get the best of us. When we are used to succeeding, sometimes we can get sloppy. We start to forget who the Giver is. A failure can give opportunity for refocusing and remembering, as we humble ourselves to God’s grace and love.

Failure makes you smarter. Simply put, failure gives us the chance to learn from our mistakes. How can God use our failures to teach us a lesson? Peter is a perfect example of

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this—each time he failed, Jesus taught him. When Jesus walked on water toward the boat full of disciples, Peter got so excited he jumped up and stepped on the water to go to Jesus. But then, fear took over—he realized what he was doing and he began to fail, afraid to risk walking to Jesus. Jesus saved him, and asked, “Why did you doubt?” I can imagine their exchange must have given Peter much to think about, as he grew in faith. Just moments later, along with the other disciples, Peter declared, “Truly you are the Son of God.” Jesus was always patient with Peter. And Jesus is patient with us as he helps us learn from our mistakes.

Failure makes you fearless. When you’ve already failed, what else do you have to lose? When you’ve fallen on your face and realized that you got back up again, you might not be afraid to fall the next time. When I find myself getting afraid, even a little anxious about what the outcome of my actions might be, I remember what my mom always said to me as a kid. “Look at the situation and decide what’s the worst that can happen. If you can deal with the worst than go for it.” Too often our fear of failure prevents us from risking, even when there isn’t much risk. When you have failed and seen that you survived, you might just be more willing to risk the next time.

Failure doesn’t have to be feared. It can be a blessing that God can use to help us grow. We just cannot let our fear of failure prevent us from putting our faith in God.

Be inspired:

Walt Disney was fired from The Kansas City Star because his editor felt he lacked imagination.

Warren Buffet was rejected from admittance into Harvard.

Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.

Oprah Winfrey was publically fired from her first television anchor job because she got “too emotionally invested” in her stories.

Sir Isaac Newton’s mother pulled him out of school so he could run the family farm. (He failed miserably).

After flubbing his lines at an early audition, Sidney Portier was told by the director to stop wasting his time and go get a job as a dish washer.

JK Rowling was a single mom living on welfare when she wrote her first Harry Potter novel.

After Harrison Ford’s first small movie role, an executive took him into his office and told Ford that he would never succeed as an actor.

Lady Gaga was dropped from her first record label after only three months, and cried so hard she couldn’t talk.

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Peter failed to walk on water, denied Jesus three times and continuously messed up. But he went on to found the church and spread the gospel.

When we put our faith in God, and refuse to allow our fear of failure to prevent us from risking, from living a healthy life, from trusting more than ourselves, we may still fail, but God will get us through. Failure does not have to be feared, it can be lived into and be a blessing.

1. Do you struggle with the fear of failure? If so, how do you manage that fear?

2. How can failure be an opportunity?

3. How does fear of failure get in the way of a relationship with God?

4. Are there any “Peters” in your life, people who trust God and are unafraid of failing? Do your “Peters” inspire you? What can you learn from them?

5. Who in your life do you see struggling with a fear of failure? How might you encourage them?

6. What steps do you need to take in order to lessen your fear of failure and put your faith in God?

7. How will you focus this Lent on growing closer to God by letting go of fears?

http://www.forbes.com/sites/vanessaloder/2014/10/30/how-to-move-beyond-the-fear-of-failure-5-proven-strategies/#2715e4857a0b556dd9d7cc08 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sonia-thompson/the-5-gifts-of-failure_b_8891168.html http://www.businessinsider.com/successful-people-who-failed-at-first-2015-7

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Matthew 6:25-34 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. “So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

My mother was in the hospital, on a ventilator. My father was by her side. My mother is an only child. My grandfather died in 1992. So, I was left to help my grandmother. My grandmother—Nonny—was at the point in her life where living in her home and driving her car was no longer the ideal situation, and often not the safest. Before my mother was hospitalized, she and Nonny had identified a senior living community ideal for Nonny. There were many friends from her church living there—she would be given a seat at their dinner table. There were activities—crafts, games and parties. There was a bus that would take her to the grocery store and the bank and wherever she needed to go. She would be close to my parents who could continue to pick her up every Wednesday and have her over for dinner. It was the perfect place for her. And she signed herself up, secured herself an apartment.

But then my mom got sick. My dad sat by her side. And I was left to help my grandmother move from the home she and my grandfather had enjoyed throughout their retirement, into a small apartment. We met with a moving company that specializes in helping seniors down size. We met with the people at the manor to which she was moving. And we made plans.

But none of it was easy.

Nonny was Italian. She was a cook. She showed love through food. The move to her new

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apartment meant she was downsizing to a tiny kitchen, more a kitchenette than a kitchen. Her pots and pans and dishes and spices and all of her kitchen utensils could not go. She would no longer be able to entertain, to have friends over for dinner, to prepare menus and feasts and plan for her company. I told her there was no reason to pack more than four dishes. She did not like that idea at all. It was hard to let go of the idea that she would no longer be the hostess, an identity she held for so many years.

As we packed, the magnitude of all that had to be left behind hit us. Treasured items. Prizes from trips she and my grandfather had taken all over the world. My grandmother was a voracious reader, but bringing all the books she’d already read didn’t make sense. We packed up her tea cups and her paper weights to distribute to the family, items that sit on my shelves today and remind me of her. We looked at coats and suitcases and items left from my grandfather. We argued. She got mad at me. I hated it—so did she.

All in all it was a crummy situation. Nonny was scared. She was a proud, strong woman. She took pride in her last name “Young,” and always referred to “us kids” when talking about me and my brother. She colored her hair until she was 93. Letting go of her independence, of her youth, of all that she had worked so hard for, was terrifying. Who would she be if she had to rely on others?

Nonny was not alone in these fears. According to a study, “Aging in Place in America,” commissioned by Clarity and The EAR Foundation, “Senior citizens fear moving into a nursing home and losing their independence more than they fear death.” The study also found that “the Baby Boomer children of seniors also fear for their parents. Boomers express particular concern about their parents’ emotional and physical wellbeing should they have to enter a nursing home.” This study examined the attitudes and anxieties of the nation’s elderly population. “When asked what they fear most, seniors rated loss of independence (26%) and moving out of home into a nursing home (13%) as their greatest fears. Death was cited as the greatest fear for just 3% of seniors.”

The struggle with this fear is that it can often prevent us from realizing and doing what is necessary. Deep down we may know what is needed, but find it too scary—for ourselves or for our loved one. God’s quiet voice will guide us through, but our fear can be so large that we block it out.

This chapter began with Jesus’ words in Matthew 6. They are a part of his sermon on the mount. The words are preceded by Jesus’ teachings on how to pray and how to express your spiritual life—teachings on giving alms and how to practice your piety so that it is an intimate expression of faith in God. Today’s passage follows right after Jesus’ instructions on how to be in relationship with God. The words flow easily into his teachings on worry and anxiety, because so often it is worry and anxiety that prevent us from a faithful relationship with God that is expressed in prayer and discipleship.

One might easily dismiss Jesus’ words regarding worry when contemplating the fear of loss

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of independence. The loss of independence is not the same as the everyday worries about what to eat or what to wear. One might read the scripture and feel as though it simplifies this fear, diminishes it. One might feel that this scripture passage is just one more way to disregard the life of those who face the fear of losing independence. And I would agree, if we read the scripture as though it is saying, “Don’t worry, you’re being silly, God will take care of you,” then it should be disregarded. But, if the scripture is read in a manner that says, “You are not alone in this, God is with you, God will get you through, look around you and see proof of how God will help you,” then this passage very much lends itself to the fear of losing one’s independence.

Jesus is saying, you are a person of value. God cares for the birds, God cares for the flowers, God even cares for the grass, but you, God loves you way more than God loves those things; have faith and trust God to care for you. Jesus calls us to set our sights on the Kingdom of God—in so doing we will see the ways God is caring for us. The people that I know who have been able to face their future unafraid have also had wonderful faith. They have trusted that God would guide them in finding new ways to live and use their gifts.

In a brochure on aging, I found this quote from a woman who was 78 years old, “I can’t do as many things as I used to do, but I’m now learning to enjoy the things that I can.” This fear is a hard one to conquer, the first step to doing so is to recognize the fear—to name it. Once we do that, we can open ourselves to God’s possibilities. Sometimes we need to refocus our energies in order to overcome our fears. When we do so we can experience a resurrection of sorts.

Marilyn ran the kitchen at the church for fifty years. She first ran it with her mother, and later on her own. She kept the kitchen spotless—every sign posted around was in her handwriting. She also hosted every funeral luncheon we had. Marilyn’s ministry was funeral luncheons. She worked with the family to provide just the right meal to pay tribute to their loved one. She would decorate the fellowship hall with the deceased’s favorite colors, or their favorite team. She knew who to ask to bring what food items, and who was best at hospitality for the meal. Marilyn never married and did not have children. As she got older, she began to have health issues. She had a heart attack. She began to lose her sight. She was no longer able to drive and therefore could no longer do the shopping and coordinating that the luncheons required. This was a very difficult loss for Marilyn because this was her ministry, the way she served God. Another woman stepped into Marilyn’s role. She was a bit younger than Marilyn, but the two were friends. Pamela saw how this adjustment was hurting Marilyn and so she asked Marilyn if she would still lead the ministry. Pamela would do the shopping and cooking, but Marilyn would continue to call the workers and the cooks and the bakers. Marilyn would still talk and pray with the family. Pamela would pick Marilyn up on the day of the luncheon and Marilyn would sit in the kitchen and help from her stool. Marilyn was still able to share ministry, just in a new way. While she had lost her independence, she did not lose her worth.

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The extent to which we accept and adapt to the changes in our life has a direct bearing on our wellbeing and quality of life. Experts say that one way to deal with this fear is by volunteering—by helping others. Through helping and teaching others you can stay intellectually engaged and stimulated. Plus, the gift of giving makes one feel useful and of value. Making a difference never gets old, and is an avenue for new friends. It is amazing how God will use us if we let God use us.

It’s also important to stay connected. Whether you are struggling with this fear yourself, or helping someone through it, fear of isolation is a large part of the fear of losing one’s independence. Marilyn still had Pamela and other church members keeping her involved and checking in on her. Nonny continued to go to my parents’ house every week for dinner and to stay the night. Sometimes we need to be intentional about ensuring that we don’t forget those who are no longer able to be with us as easily. God has placed us in each other’s lives for a reason.

Fear of losing our independence can prevent us from seeing and trusting the future God has in store for us. Jesus’ death and resurrection have taught us that God’s will is for life and wholeness. Sometimes that life has a different look. We are called to trust God’s picture and know that God will be with us and care for us even and especially in our new realities.

After a stay in the hospital, Nonny was given a walker. She refused to use it. She did not like the way it made her feel. She did not want to appear frail and so she stuck to using a cane. Nonny was very unsteady on her feet. When we arrived at her new place, I gave her a different walker, one with wheels and a seat and basket for her to use through the long halls of the facility. I did not expect that she would like it. I even feared that she would get mad. But she surprised me, she grabbed right ahold of the handles and thanked me profusely for giving her this “beautiful gift.” She loved it as it allowed her to travel more quickly than just using her cane. As we went into her apartment and the movers started bringing in her things, we passed some of her friends from church waiting together for the bus to take them shopping. Nonny became her old animated self. She was excited. As her apartment started to take shape, she began to smile and think about some of the new things that she would need to make life work in that space. I was able to go and pick those things up for her before I left.

New doesn’t have to be scary. A change in independence does not have to mean a loss of identity. God makes all things new, and can help us conquer our fears and know that we are not alone.

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1. As you look at your future, is the fear of losing your independence a fear for you? Why or why not?

2. How can the passage from Matthew 6 be a source of empowerment for one facing the loss of independence?

3. What are some ways our church can help those facing the loss of independence and what role might you play in developing such a ministry?

4. In your life, how has God used a difficult situation and made it new?

5. How can God help you to understand those who struggle with this fear, and prepare you to deal with it yourself?

http://www.marketingcharts.com/demographics-and-audiences/boomers-and-older/seniors-fear-loss-of-independence-nursing-homes-more-than-death-2343/

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John 3:1-10, 19-21 Now there was a Pharisee named Nicodemus, a leader of the Jews. He came to Jesus by night and said to him, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God; for no one can do these signs that you do apart from the presence of God.” Jesus answered him, “Very truly, I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God without being born from above.” Nicodemus said to him, “How can anyone be born after having grown old? Can one enter a second time into the mother’s womb and be born?” Jesus answered, “Very truly, I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God without being born of water and Spirit. What is born of the flesh is flesh, and what is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not be astonished that I said to you, ‘You must be born from above.’ The wind blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.” Nicodemus said to him, “How can these things be?” Jesus answered him, “Are you a teacher of Israel, and yet you do not understand these things? ...

And this is the judgment, that the light has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil. For all who do evil hate the light and do not come to the light, so that their deeds may not be exposed. But those who do what is true come to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that their deeds have been done in God.”

I’ve always wondered about Nicodemus, questioned his motives. Nicodemus was a Pharisee, a leader among the Jews. He was in a position of power. Most of the people in power at the time of Jesus didn’t like Jesus. He made them nervous, threatened them. Nicodemus seeks Jesus out, and questions him. It’s always felt sinister to me, the way he talks about what “we know.” It makes me not want to trust this biblical figure. But a closer look exposes a few things about Nicodemus that set him apart from his brothers in power. First, Nicodemus addresses Jesus as “Rabbi,” giving him the title of teacher and denoting religious authority. It’s a term of respect. Second, Nicodemus’ use of the words “we know” demonstrates that he’s speaking for his community, which may in fact suggest that he is there, not just for himself, but as a result of conversations about Jesus’ authority happening in Nicodemus’ community. Finally, and perhaps most significantly, Nicodemus comes to Jesus at night. He doesn’t question Jesus in front of a large crowd, seeking to trap or embarrass him. Rather, Nicodemus comes to Jesus when no one else will see, when he can have his own, one on one conversation. He appears to be a genuine seeker.

The problem for him, the struggle for Nicodemus, is that he doesn’t want anyone else to know that he’s seeking. He doesn’t want to be found out. He wants to continue his public face as a Pharisee, and come to know Jesus quietly, under the cloak of darkness. Jesus, in

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his poetic dialogue, makes two points in one when he says, “And this is the judgment, that the light has come into the world and people loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil.” Jesus shows that he, the Son of God, is rejected by many. He does this by using the imagery of light and darkness. This imagery also shows Nicodemus how, by seeking Jesus at night, he is in effect rejecting him also, because he is afraid to bring his faith to the light. “But those who do what is true come to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that their deeds have been done in God.”

Nicodemus is afraid. He is afraid to be discovered for whom he truly is, a disciple. He doesn’t want to lose his power; he doesn’t want to be discovered as a fraud. He would rather follow Jesus at night, when no one can see, then to demonstrate his faith in the light, where he will be exposed.

I look at Nicodemus and I think that he is a relatable guy. We may have similar feelings to Nicodemus. For some of us, we too hide our faith, struggling because we seek Jesus, but not wanting that to get in the way of our lifestyle or our image. We stick to seeking Jesus when no one can see us do so. And our good deeds stay hidden too. We are in fact imposters, afraid to be authentic in our discipleship, and unwilling to depend on Christ.

But there’s also another side of Nicodemus that reflects a fear with which many of us struggle. It equally impedes our ability to be authentic and claim our identity as children of God. Nicodemus is insecure. He needs to be liked. He is afraid of what people with think if they know the real him. He doesn’t want to be exposed as a fraud, as an impostor.

The spring of 1997, my senior year at Albion College, I found myself travelling across the country for seminary interviews. It was a great spring—I got to visit different parts of the country and really experience where I wanted to spend the next three years. I landed in Chicago and I knew—Garrett Evangelical Theological Seminary was for me. Sure it was still in the Midwest, but I was hooked. The interviews went well. The classes I sat in on were fantastic and thought provoking. The dinners with professors were engaging. Others who were interviewing were people I could see as treasured colleagues and friends. And maybe best of all Garrett wanted me! Me. The one in the room who didn’t know what liberation theology was, had not previously heard words like “pneumatology” or “eschatology.” I was just a sociology major with an ok GPA. The whole weekend at this school that I loved, I felt an underlying fear. I didn’t want anyone to discover that I didn’t belong there. I didn’t want them to discover that I really wasn’t as good as I looked on paper. I didn’t trust my gifts, or my accomplishments. I felt like a fraud. This was a feeling I often had when I discovered I had an “A” in a class (it was just because the teacher liked me, or because I had them fooled).

While I was travelling, I was also working on an independent study developing a mentoring program for women and girls. I was reading the book, School Girls, written by Peggy Orenstein. The book examines young women and self-esteem. In the introduction, Orenstein wrote about how she had to confront her own self-esteem issues while writing

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this book. She writes:

But there is another book I could write. It would be about how, in spite of all of our success, in spite of the fact that we have attained the superficial ideal of womanhood held out to our generation, we feel unsure, insecure and inadequate. I resist applying this lens to my life, and I have tried hard to avoid it, to remain unseeing even when the feelings it reveals threaten to overwhelm me… I wouldn’t see it at twenty-one, when I became paralyzed during the writing of my senior thesis, convinced that my fraudulence was about to be unmasked... Back then, I went to my advisor and told her of the fears that were choking me. “You feel like an impostor?” she asked, “Don’t worry about it. All smart women feel that way.” (Orenstein xxxvii)

I sat up straighter in my airplane seat. I read it again. I underlined it and starred it and exhaled because I didn’t realize I was holding my breath. I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. I had no idea. Other people felt like phonies, frauds. Other people felt like they were getting away with something too! And what’s more, other smart people felt this way. Too bad I didn’t know any of them. I couldn’t think of a single person who I could imagine struggling with this idea. Everyone I knew deserved their success.

I did more reading. I discovered some research that told me that this is not just a woman’s issue, but in fact 70% of successful people in general suffer from what’s called the “Impostor Phenomenon.” Statistics today still back up the original findings. The Imposter Phenomenon is the idea that one does not believe they deserve the success that they have, and they live in fear that they will be discovered as a fraud. Odds were I did know someone who struggled with this “Impostor Phenomenon,” I just had no idea.

Neil is a talent agent working in a large West Coast company. Forty-three years old, he is intelligent, friendly, and outgoing. Before coming to this agency three years ago, he had spent six years with another firm in his field, and entertained a number of job offers before deciding to join up with his current employer. His career has progressed steadily, and he is doing well in his job. He has been singled out several times for special attention and praise from the head of the agency.

None of Neil’s accomplishments have changed his belief that he is an impostor. “I’m very clever and fast, and I look like I know what I’m doing,” he explained. “But really, I don’t know anything, and one of these days people are going to figure that out.” (Harvey & Katz 14).

I’ve since encountered this same kind of thinking among my friends, among my parishioners, among my colleagues. Even Meryl Streep reported that she questioned, “Why would anyone want to see me in a movie? I don’t know how to act, so why am I doing this?” (Savannahbusinessjournal.com). Sometimes it’s been in regards to success, sometimes it’s been in regards to approval and friendship. Sometimes people feel like

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impostors because they believe if the people who they love knew the real them, they wouldn’t love them anymore. They are afraid that their past will get in the way of the future. Many of us do not trust our success, our friendships, our place in society. We do not feel worthy of it, and thus reject our true selves. We don’t trust the gifts that God has given us. We forget that we are created in God’s image. And so we live in fear of being discovered, instead of appreciating our God-given gifts, claiming our identity as lovable and capable people, and trusting others and our hard work.

Fear. Insecurity. Self-doubt. All three lead to an inability to trusting what God is doing in our lives. In a sad way we become quite egocentric, even though that notion is horrifying to one dealing with the fear of being discovered for their real self. We become too focused on covering up our feelings of inadequacy. When we are so busy doubting ourselves and fearing discovery, we wall ourselves off to what God is doing in our lives and we think we are unworthy of Christ’s love—surely Jesus knows I am a fraud.

Our Lenten journey helps us to focus on the things in our lives that prevent us from truly following Jesus. Our fears inhibit our ability to fully trust Jesus and his love for us. Those living with the Impostor Phenomenon have to give up selfish notions and desires to call themselves a fraud so they can accept the gifts God’s given. We must sacrifice these self-centered fears to live out God’s call. In so doing we will find that we are free to fully love a God who fully loves us. Release yourself from this fear and claim the God-given gifts in your life. Allow your friendships, successes, and accomplishments to be the blessings they are. Allow God’s gifts to you to shape you and lead you. Allow yourselves to unite to a Christ who gave so others will know new life and hope.

It was through the practice of ministry that I began to shed my fears. It was through doing this work, work I was once afraid would expose me, that I stopped feeling like a fraud. Through preaching and teaching and listening and leading, I came to practice what I preached, and trusted God. It was through seeing God working in me that I began to realize that holding on to false fears was only going to get in the way of my relying on God to lead me and guide me as I pastored. Fear of being exposed as a fraud would only hurt my discipleship, and would prevent me from appreciating the good God was doing through me. I began to rely less on the tired voices in my head, and more on the call of God in my heart. I no longer am afraid that people discover that I’m a fraud—my hope is that they will discover that I’m human, and from time to time I have self-doubts like everyone else. I’m seeking to carry a cross of relationship and discipleship, with a God who created me and endowed me with gifts.

I know what you’re thinking, “She’s a pastor, she’s supposed to think that way.” But the truth applies to all of us. We are, each one, created in the image of God. That means that we are given gifts. Some are great speakers, some are talented with money, some create beauty, some have gifts for healing, some are good with people, some make life easier for others. All are worthy of success and love. And all are called to follow a Christ who loves

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and equips us. When we refuse to trust our gifts, and trust who God created, we are choosing to allow fear to guide us, choosing to feel like impostors. But when we trust what God has done in us, and look for the ways that God is using us, we are able to claim a new life that leads to discipleship and authenticity.

We don’t know what Nicodemus did after his conversation with Jesus. There are accounts that he was involved with the securing of the tomb where Jesus was laid, and ensuring that it be protected. I like to think that the resurrection gave him new life and allowed him to take up a cross of authenticity, to live in the light and follow the Christ he sought. I hope that he was able to set aside his insecurities and fears, and trust the Christ who loved him and called him.

1. Have you ever felt like a fraud? If so, when and why?

2. Has a fear of the real you being discovered ever inhibited you?

3. What must you do to trust the gifts that God has given you, and the call that God has placed on your life?

4. How will you let go of your fear of the real you being discovered and allow yourself to be a person of authenticity and discipleship?

5. Who in our life do you suspect may be experiencing the Impostor Phenomenon? How can you reach out to them in faith and understanding?

6. What would it take for you to move your discipleship from darkness to light?

Culpepper, R. Allen & O’Day, Gail R. The New Interpreter’s Bible Volume IX: Luke and John, Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1995.

Harvey, Joan C. & Katz, Cynthia. If I’m so Successful, Why do I Feel like a Fake? New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1985.

Orenstein, Peggy. School Girls, New York: Anchor Books, 1994.

www.avannahbusinessjournal.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=2539:dec-31-columnist-dennis-hooper-the-impostor-syndrome&catid=55:columnists&Itemid=132

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Luke 2:41-52 Now every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the festival of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up as usual for the festival. When the festival was ended and they started to return, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but his parents did not know it. Assuming that he was in the group of travelers, they went a day’s journey. Then they started to look for him among their relatives and friends. When they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem to search for him. After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. And all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. When his parents saw him they were astonished; and his mother said to him, “Child, why have you treated us like this? Look, your father and I have been searching for you in great anxiety.” He said to them, “Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” But they did not understand what he said to them. Then he went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them. His mother treasured all these things in her heart.

And Jesus increased in wisdom and in years, and in divine and human favor.

Can you blame Mary and Joseph? It took them three days to find their son. They must have been out of their minds with worry. Who knows what could have happened to him along the road home from Jerusalem? What a perfectly human and normal response to say, “What’s the matter with you, we’ve been worried sick!” Any other kid would have gotten in serious trouble for a response like Jesus’, “Duh! I’m here in the temple—you know, with God, my Father?” All we are left with is that his parents didn’t understand, and that Mary treasured it in her heart. How I’d love to have been walking next to them on that three day journey back home!

I realize that not everyone reading this chapter is a parent. And I know that some of you are parents, but your children have long since grown. While being a parent means you never stop worrying, some of what is in this chapter might not be relevant to you. My hope, however, is that as with each chapter, it might give us all insight into understanding one another, our fears, and how we can be community together.

When my daughter Allison was a year old, my doctor found a tiny lump in my breast. She sent me right over to mammography and set me up with an appointment with a surgeon. I was twenty-nine years old, a new mom and terrified. As I looked back on it, my fear was not associated with treatment or even death, my fear was that my daughter would grow up without me. It turned out the bump was an infected milk duct and all was fine. But the fear

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hasn’t gone away.

When I was in college, Brian George died of a brain tumor. I had just been on a service-learning spring break with him. Throughout the trip, he often had his hand on the lower part of the back of his head. When we returned the tumor was discovered. Two weeks later he died. I saw his parents grieve at the funeral. Whenever my son puts his hand on the lower part of the back of his head, I shudder in fear.

A girl and her mom sat in my office. The girl had just come out to her mom. Her mom sat crying, not because of who her daughter was, but terrified of how the world might treat her.

A father who had just lost his wife was left raising his teenaged daughter on his own. We sat together as he shared his fears about how in the world he could be all that she needed him to be, after she’d lost so much. His tears fell as he feared for her and the choices she had to make without her mom.

A parent of a youth sat in my office one afternoon, trying to decide if he should let his son go on the mission trip. The boy had never been away from home. How hard it was to let go.

We are afraid they will be hurt, they will fail, they will fall; we are afraid our children will be bullied, will be sick, heartbroken, that the worst could happen. A therapist once told me that I could not fix everything for my child, that was not my job. While I have said that very same thing to people who have come to talk to me, I don’t think I was ever so mad at someone trying to help me. I want to protect my children. I want to ensure their health, their happiness, their wellbeing. Parenthood is scary.

But the therapist is right. It is not a parent’s job to fix everything for their child. A parent’s job is to provide a safe harbor and teach their children to trust and risk. Kids need to risk, fail and hurt themselves in order to grow. We know this rationally, but it can be terrifying. It is hard to give up a need for control.

Mary and Joseph were called to parent the Son of God. From the very beginning they had to give up control. The one and only story of Jesus as a child illustrates how hard it must have been to raise such a special child. We see glimpses of their relationship throughout the gospels. When Jesus and Mary attend a wedding and the wine runs out, Mary goes up to her son and tells him to fix the situation. Jesus scolds her, saying it is not yet his time. Mary appears to ignore him as she tells the servants to do whatever Jesus tells them. And then Jesus goes ahead and does it. After Jesus begins his ministry, Mary is rejected by him: “While he was still speaking to the crowds, his mother and his brothers were standing outside, wanting to speak to him. Someone told him, ‘Look, your mother and your brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.’ But to the one who had told him this, Jesus replied, ‘Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?’ And pointing to his disciples, he said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my

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Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.’” (Matthew 12:45-50). Time and again, I imagine Mary wanted to tell her son to stop. She must have seen how threatened the powers at be were by his teachings and his behaviors. But she didn’t. She joined his circle of friends and followed her son. She watched as he died a gruesome death, staying by his side, always a safe harbor. She knew that she had to set him free to be who he was to be.

It is a scary world. 9/11 made it scarier. Newtown made it scarier. The news, and even TV shows we watch for entertainment make it scarier. Yet, as parents we are to be caretakers for a time. We are entrusted with children—who do not actually belong to us, they are God’s. We are called to do our best and allow God to guide us. Parenting takes prayer. It takes constant prayer if we are going to allow our children to be who they need to be. Letting go is not easy, but it is essential. The fears we have as parents can paralyze us and prevent us being good at our job as parents. And when we are that scared, we make no room for God. Our prayers are not prayers of trust and faith.

A religious blog I found online gave some helpful hints on how to overcome fears intrinsic to parenting. I find them helpful as I try to set aside my need to ensure everything goes perfectly for my children so that they don’t experience disappointment or get discouraged. They help me to remember that it is not my job to fix everything for my children, but to provide a safe harbor of love, that they might know I am here to support them and lift them when they fall.

The blog reminds us to be cautious but not to an unhealthy level. Know what is a realistic fear, and in need of caution, and what is the result of an over anxious system. Look back to the chapter on the fear of failure and remember that often the best lessons come from when we fail. This goes for our kids too. With caution, allow for natural consequences to their actions. If they decide to go out in frigid temperatures wearing shorts and a coat, they will learn quickly the consequences of their choice. Life involves risk—risk is good. Allowing for our children to take risks and learn from their mistakes, though frightening, is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.

As parents, we need to educate ourselves. As our children face challenges, we can parent them best by learning about the issues. When we are educated we make wise and informed decisions, not acting out of irrational fears or knee jerk reactions. Plus, the more we know, the less we will worry. When we know how the school deals with lock downs, we feel confident in the safety of our children. When we learn about the risks associated with social media, we take precautions to ensure that our children are using it safely.

As we educate ourselves, we need to share with our kids. Talking freely and openly with our children will help them to address their fears as well. It is always a tricky thing to share about our fears with our kids, because the last thing we want to do is pass our fears on to them, but the more they know, the stronger and more self-assured they will be. If we only shelter them, they will not have the skills to deal with the issues and challenges they will

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face. Using situations that come up as teachable moments gives kids problem solving skills and the gift of thinking for themselves, which, with your guidance and appropriate boundaries, can lead to wise and responsible behavior.

The last thing we want to do is pass our fears onto our kids. If we want to raise strong children, we must give them the confidence to be so. Our fears are most often about us, not about them. It is important for us to keep that in check as we parent our children.

One of the best ways we can help our children to grow into strong and confident adults is to teach them to pray and to bring them to church. Surrounding them with a community of faith who shows them Christ and embraces them with the love and grace of God will help them to become adults who pray and trust God. It will help them to know they are loved and valued, and it will help them to believe in themselves. Being involved in the church community will also give you support and confidence as a parent. When your child is sick or struggling, you will be overwhelmed by the support and love you will feel by your community of faith.

When our children see us afraid more often than they see us trusting God, they will not learn to trust God. Setting aside our fears will not only help us to put our faith in God, but it will help our children do the same.

1. If you are a parent, what fears do you carry with you?

2. If you are a parent, when have you been afraid for your child? How did you deal with that fear?

3. How can God help a parent to shed their parenting fears? Is it possible to ever shed all your fears?

4. Parents struggle with letting go and allowing their children to fall. How is faith integral to letting go?

5. Every time a child is baptized in our church, we make vows to help them grow in faith and know Jesus. How do you live out these vows?

http://powertochange.com/experience/family/panic/

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Fear, for the most part, is a natural reaction—a survival mechanism that helps us recognize and respond to dangers that threaten our lives. Sometimes fears are really more a matter of extreme distaste—such as a fear of spiders and bugs and creepy crawly things. Rationally, we know that we’re much bigger and will likely prevail when push comes to shove, but the ick factor can be enough to make our reaction to the appearance of a spider in the bathtub seem ridiculous.

Many fears are based on circumstances that might occur completely outside of our control—fear of earthquakes, or fear of cancer, or even fear of something happening to someone we love. In most cases, there’s nothing we can do about the occurrence of those events, and often we are helpless in the aftermath as well. Fear of being helpless or at a loss of control is completely natural.

As we compiled a list of things that people fear in preparation for our Lenten study, Be Not Afraid, we found that many people had fears associated with end of life and death. Even people of profound faith have fears of what death will be like—particularly fears about the process, fear of the unknown, and about being separated from loved ones. But among those fears is one that is retrospective in nature: At the end of my life, when I look back, will my life have mattered?

So much of life is outside of our control. We can’t control the weather, the economy, or even the thoughts and actions of other people. But we do have some measure of control over how we respond to the way that the world unfolds around us. In fact, claiming to be followers of Jesus Christ carries with it an implied willingness to model our lives after his example in word and deed. And so, we feel responsible for, and even anxious about, the final assessment and subsequent evaluation of our lives.

Oftentimes, after officiating at or attending a funeral or memorial service, I think about the things that have been said about the deceased. It often causes me to consider:

Who might come to my funeral, and what will they say about me?

Has my presence in this world mattered enough to make people want to come and express some regret at my passing?

Will my passions inspire others to speak on my behalf and carry forward?

Has anything I’ve done in my time here on earth had an impact on others?

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Did I achieve any of the goals I had for myself?

What will I be remembered for?

Did I change the world for the better?

And then I start to get really serious in my wonderings, and start thinking:

What will God think of the life I led?

Did I use my gifts according to God’s plan?

Did I love enough? Forgive enough? Help others enough?

What did I do to help bring about the Kingdom of God here on earth?

Did I change the world for the better – for the glory of God?

Eventually, I quit wondering because I’ve managed to scare myself into ineffectiveness. Fear of not living up to our own goals and expectations, never mind God’s expectations, can be paralyzing, and when we are paralyzed by fear, we accomplish nothing. Unlike fear of things outside of our control, what we do with our lives is completely within our control!

Failure by Comparison

Some days I feel as though I’m doing pretty well. I’m clicking along, doing the best I can, and I can see that while I may not be setting world records, I’m moving forward. I’m accomplishing something. And then I hear one of those inspirational stories on the news about some 11-year old who heard stories of orphan refugees in the Middle East, and so gathered a few of her friends to make fleece blankets—over 700 blankets which have been shipped to orphanages in 9 different countries. Whoosh! That’s the sound of my confidence in my life’s work exiting my body in a hot rush of disappointment.

As long as I am focused on the fact that there are 8-year olds out there who have accomplished more to help others than I have at age 53, I am doomed—mostly because I have lost sight of what God has asked me to do.

The fact is, that we can look all around us and find people who have marvelous talents, or who have made herculean efforts to accomplish great deeds that we, ourselves could never live up to. Although I may wonder what people will say at my funeral someday, I can assure you they will not be telling stories about how I gave up everything but a change of clothes and a metal bucket to go and minister to the poor in India à la Mother Teresa. Nor will they tell the tale of how I started a billion dollar computer business and used the profits to fund a philanthropic foundation to bring healthcare to developing nations. It is unlikely that they will tell of my rise from poverty to become a media mogul who develops and funds schools for girls in Africa. And, although I have not yet fully given up the dream, it is also improbable that I will write any sermon or article that will inspire and resonate for

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generations the way Dr. Martin Luther King did. (But it won’t stop me from trying!)

We can certainly look around us and find people who have done amazing and inspiring things with their lives. If we are open, we will allow their stories to inspire us and show us what is possible. If we are wise, we will remember that God has created each of us to function uniquely in order that each may perform his or her given purpose in order to be Christ’s body—the church—in this world. And if we are faithful, we will seek God’s direction so that we may define the success and value of our lives based only on God’s expectation, and not on a comparison with someone else.

For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in the one Spirit we were all baptized into one body… and we were all made to drink of one Spirit. Indeed, the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot would say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear would say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many members, yet one body.”

1 Corinthians 12:12-20

God has not created us out of a cookie-cutter mold so that we may be the same, but instead, we were created differently—differently abled, and uniquely gifted. Our value on this earth and in God’s eyes is not based on comparative function or accomplishment, but on the immeasurable love God has for us. That is all. Nothing we do or say will change or remove God’s love for us. That is grace. And nothing that anyone else says or accomplishes can cast a shadow that will hide us from the love and grace of God.

Obstacles are what you see when you take your eye off the goal. Failure does not come from God. Failure is not a word in God’s vocabulary. Failure only happens when we take our eyes off of what is important—and that is being exactly who God calls us to be.

What does God expect?

How are we to gauge our effectiveness in this life if we don’t do it by measuring our results against each other? There are really only two arbiters who may legitimately assess our efforts and results, and one of them tends to judge harshly. You are the front line analyst who looks at your life and worries about the quantitative result. But God is the divine analyst who looks at your life and sees a qualitative value. So, it is necessary for us to give some serious consideration to the expectations God has for our lives.

The Bible offers us assurances that God creates with intentionality and purpose and then gifts us to be at work for the world. However, God has not preordained our path. God does not micromanage our lives. The gift and curse of free will is to take what God has

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given us and to do something meaningful with it.

Consider the parable of the talents:

For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servant and entrusted to them his property. To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more. So also he who had the two talents made two talents more. But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master's money. Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more,

saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here I have made five talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a

little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ And he also who had the two talents came forward, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me two talents; here I have made

two talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have

been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, so I was

afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.’ But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have

not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.

Matthew 25:14-29

There are three examples here. The first servant is given a large portion of talents and he uses them to make a 100% return on his investment. The second servant is given a smaller number of talents, but he also uses what he has to reap the fullest results. The third servant is given just one talent, but he chooses not to use it at all, instead, burying it for safe keeping.

While many of Jesus’ parables are obscure and difficult to discern the meaning, this one is pretty much in our faces. Whatever God gives us, we are to use it fully and God will be pleased. When we take whatever gift God has given us, and we hoard it carefully rather than using it, God is not pleased. It is a waste of something that was meant to do good in the world—even if it’s just a little.

Lent is a good time to take out your talents, add them up, give them a good polishing if they need it, and then put them to good use. Sometimes we’ve got talents hidden all over the place that we never let see the light of day because we feel that they are inferior or

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insignificant. Not according to God.

Another clue as to what God wants from us can be found as Mark relates a story of Jesus and his disciples who observe the offering given by a poor widow.

Jesus sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”

Mark 12:41-44

Jesus’ messages are often counterintuitive. In this case he is clearly making the point to his disciples that it is not the size of the gift that matters, but the fullness of the offering. Revisiting our inventory of talents—are we fully using what we have been given?

The measure of our offering to God is never quantitative. God simply asks, “Are you making good use of everything I have given to you?” Our fears of what we have done in our lifetime are anxieties pointed in the wrong direction. Better that we should be in regular conversation with God about how to use whatever God has given us—not for a quantity of results, but for God’s goodness revealed to the world.

I think of the wide variety of personalities and abilities and talents represented in our church community and how they are employed in order to fully accomplish things that God calls us to do. When we host the South Oakland Shelter for a week in October it takes so many different talents and abilities that no one person could accomplish all that needs to be done. People who cook, and people who drive, and people who organize, and people who have the gift of making people feel welcome and cared for, and people who come to play with children, and people who wash linens, and people who move furniture around—all to extend hospitality to people who need to feel God’s love. These things make a difference in the world.

Leaving fear at the cross.

Our fears that we haven’t made enough of a difference in the world are pointless. For one thing, you can never know how much of a difference you have made. It’s impossible to know. You are a pebble dropped into a pond, and every smile you have shared and every kind word you have spoken and every helping hand you have ever lent resonates out like ripples on that pond. Your job is to keep making ripples. And as long as there is breath left in your body, you can keep rippling.

Fear, on the other hand, paralyzes us. It keeps us from using our talents. It inhibits our ability to have impact. It separates us from the gifts God has given us, and it robs us of the joy that we can experience from knowing that those gifts are making a difference in the

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world. Therefore, it is essential during this Lenten season that you take this fear and leave it at the cross. I say this very particularly, because the cross is the epicenter of grace. The cross is where we find the forgiveness for every talent we didn’t use and every opportunity missed. The cross is where the accounting of our shortcomings is ripped to shreds and God’s love rains down on us.

This Lenten season, remember that you are a beloved child of God, richly and uniquely blessed to be exactly who you were meant to be. Let the love of God strengthen your resolve to be that unique person, and spend your talents lavishly.

1. Make an inventory of the talents that God has given you. Don’t forget things like your sense of humor, your ability to bake awesome cookies, or fix things that are broken. No talent is too small or a waste if you use it well!

2. Where else in the Bible can you find clues about what God expects from us?

3. What talent are you keeping hidden from others because you fear it is unworthy or insignificant?

4. What talent gives you the most joy to share with others?

5. Think of one new application for your talent that you might enjoy sharing with others.

6. How can we inspire each other to more fully use what we are given?

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Matthew 26:36-36 Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane; and he said to his disciples, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be grieved and agitated. Then he said to them, “I am deeply grieved, even to death; remain here, and stay awake with me.” And going a little farther, he threw himself on the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not what I want but what you want.” Then he came to the disciples and found them sleeping; and he said to Peter, “So, could you not stay awake with me one hour? Stay awake and pray that you may not come into the time of trial; the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Again he went away for the second time and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” Again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. So leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words. Then he came to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Get up, let us be going, see my betrayer is at hand.”

My husband’s great-grandfather died when his grandfather was four years old. My husband’s grandfather died when his dad was seventeen. My mother-in-law once told me that when she and Mike’s dad were married, she wanted to have children right away because she expected my father-in-law to die young. She said it quite matter-of-factly. I tried to say how awful that must have been to be so afraid that her husband would die young. But that wasn’t the case. Marjean has always had a healthy view about death. When we have gone shopping and she has insisted on paying, I thank her and say it’s really not necessary. She inevitably responds, “We can spend it now, or you can spend it when I’m gone.” I never know quite what to say next. Over breakfast after attending their church one Sunday, she asked me if I had met Diane. I replied that I had. “That’s who I want Jim to marry when I die.” “Oh,” I said, “I guess I should pick someone out for Mike.” When she was diagnosed with breast cancer, Marjean approached her diagnosis with a fearless spirit that I have always admired. She expected the diagnosis, intended to survive it, but was equally at peace if the treatment didn’t work. Thank God it did. I have always been both uncomfortable with and in awe of Marjean’s confidence when it comes to death. She is fearless.

For many of us, it takes years to get to a point in which we do not fear death. Perhaps it is because we are afraid of not experiencing all that we can in this life. Maybe it is because we are afraid to leave our loved ones behind. Death is scary because we do not know when it

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will happen and often do not know how it will happen.

It is comforting to know that even Jesus had fears about death. Jesus was sitting in the garden praying. He was surrounded by his closest friends who were struggling to be there for him, avoiding the situation as they kept falling asleep. It is a moment that reminds us that Jesus was not just fully divine, but also fully human. It is in this moment that he voices his prayer to God and asks that he be spared from what is to come. He is afraid. I imagine his fear had more to do with the way he was to die, the suffering he was to endure, than his fear of leaving the world and his loved ones, but his pleading to God, “if possible, let this cup pass from me,” shows us even he was afraid. But, right after he utters those words, he says, “Not my will but your will.” He moves from self-fear to God-reliance.

Fred Craddock is one of my favorite story tellers. This story illustrates how his friend, surrounded by loved ones, accepted her death. It shows the community’s relief that she was finally at peace and the comfort that death can bring.

“A colleague of mine down at Phillips University, a young woman, taught physical education. She was a marvelous person, young, vigorous, unmarried. One night she was sitting in her apartment grading papers, and she heard a knock at the door. She went to the door, unlocked it, opened it, and there stood death, with his yellow face staring right at her. She slammed the door, locked it, and called the doctor. He said, ‘Malignant.’ She had surgery. A few months later she was back, and I said, ‘Hey, you’re looking good.’ She said, ‘I never felt better.’ Now she had lost some weight, but she was back teaching physical education, bouncing on trampolines and all, doing great. Everything seemed to be wonderful.

“She was at home one night watching television when she heard a knock at the door. She went to the door, opened it, and there he stood with his yellow face. She slammed it and locked it and called the doctor. He said, ‘Chemotherapy.’ Oh, she was sick. All her hair came out, so she got a wig, and she came back to school. I said, ‘That’s becoming. You should’ve been wearing that all along.’ She said, ‘I feel pretty good.’ And she was teaching again.

“One night she was sitting there grading papers in her room, and she heard a knock, so she went to the door, unlocked it, and there he stood old death with his yellow face. She slammed the door and tried to lock it, but the lock was broken. She called her friends and relatives. Everybody gathered, and we took turns leaning against that door. We leaned against the door, we leaned against the door. We even got to where we were joking and laughing. ‘We’re not going to let him in. We’ll keep him out.’ We’d look out the window, and there he sat under a tree with his yellow face right out there.

“One night she said, ‘Get away from the door.’

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“‘What?’

“’Get away from the door.’ So we got away from the door, and he came in. I felt sorry for him. He likes to come in with his fiery darts of pain and fear. There he stood; in one hand he had peace, in the other, rest. He looked like a servant of God.

“Oh, I know there are people who say, ‘Well it’s too bad you lost your friend,’ and it’s true. But I heard the whisper in there as we gathered at the church a couple of days later and the congregation stood in great throng and sang, ‘Now Thank We All Our God.’ It was shouted as a whisper.”

Death brings the sweet relief of pain and suffering. When we approach death from a standpoint of faith, we see death as an entry into peace that passes our understanding. Over and over again, as I have sat at the bedside the dying, I am constantly overwhelmed by the presence of God. As loved ones sit faithfully around the bed, tears streaming as they say goodbye, I am never more certain of the power and presence of God and the promise of life everlasting. Fear of death often derives out of both the fear of the unknown and the fear of loss. It is hard to imagine what will come next, and hard to say goodbye to what is to be left behind. Sometimes these fears block us from approaching death from a standpoint of faith.

In Immortal Diamond, Richard Rohr examines the fear of dying. Rohr writes, “By now, you might realize that our fear of death is actually our fear of God.” We fear that God doesn’t really exist, we fear that people of faith are wrong. We fear trusting God completely and relying on God, when we know that bad things still happen to good people. We question God. We wonder how God can allow suffering. We fear that God won’t carry us, guide us, welcome us home. We make ourselves and our fears larger than God. We cling to our earthly lives as if they are our last hoorah and fear what is yet to come.

Jesus promises, “I will not leave you orphaned. I will come to you,” in John 14. Later in the chapter, he says, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives.” Until we can put our confidence in the God who promises to give us peace, we will never get over our fear of death. Overcoming the fear of dying begins with faith.

How do people who are already active in church find a way to jumpstart their faith? Not to get all Methodist on you—but discipline. Make prayer a part of your daily routine. Begin your day by asking for God to open your eyes to the ways God will work in your life that day. End your day with thanksgiving and petitions. In the middle, just talk to God—it doesn’t have to be a formal prayer, just talk. I highly encourage you to join a Bible study or prayer group at church. Faith happens in community—remember Jesus said, “Whenever two or more are gathered, I am there with them,” (Matthew 18:20). There is something wonderful that happens when the community engages in faith conversation. We learn from each other, find out that we are not alone in our fears, and grow in faith. Read the Bible,

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you will find words of encouragement, you will discover that your fears are as ancient as the words on the page, and you will come to know God and God’s steadfast love.

Life is a gift. We need to steward that gift and live life to the fullest, confident in God and what God has in store for us in the next life. Our time here is limited, why waste our time focusing on that fact, when we can be living, loving and experiencing all the blessings God has given us? Elizabeth Kübler Ross once said, “It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth—and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.” Don’t let your fear of dying prevent you from living, prevent you from enjoying, prevent you from having faith in God.

1. Are you afraid of death? Why or why not?

2. How is fear of death a fear of God?

3. Have you ever been with someone when they were dying? If so, how did that experience affect your faith?

4. What does it mean to “Live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.”

5. What words would you use to comfort or encourage someone struggling with the fear of death?

Craddock, Fred, Craddock Stories. St. Louis: Chalice Press, 2001.

Rohr, Richard, Immortal Diamond. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2013.

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/e/elisabethk134814.html#MUsivVgtu2Zjc1eK.99

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Matthew 28:1-10 After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to look at the tomb. Look, there was a great earthquake, for an angel from the Lord came down from heaven. Coming to the stone, he rolled it away and sat on it. Now his face was like lightning and his clothes as white as snow. The guards were so terrified of him that they shook with fear and became like dead men. But the angel said to the women, “Don’t be afraid. I know that you are looking for Jesus who was crucified. He isn’t here, because he’s been raised from the dead, just as he said. Come, see the place where they laid him. Now hurry, go and tell his disciples, ‘He’s been raised from the dead. He’s going on ahead of you to Galilee. You will see him there.’ I’ve given the message to you.” With great fear and excitement, they hurried away from the tomb and ran to tell his disciples. But Jesus met them and greeted them. They came and grabbed his feet and worshipped him. Then Jesus said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Go and tell my brothers that I am going into Galilee. They will see me there.”

Each time a disciple approaches the resurrected Jesus, he responds, “Do not be afraid.” If only it were that easy. The resurrection of Jesus shows us that God is in charge. The triumph over suffering and death teaches us that God’s will is not that we suffer and die, God’s will is for life and wholeness and the triumph over suffering. The human Jesus experienced disagreements with his parents, loss of a friend, being condemned in public, and suffering on a cross. He knows our fears and our pains. Because of the human Jesus, we have a God who is a companion in our fear, who is with us throughout all of our challenges and struggles and will guide us through. Jesus taught us God’s love. It’s up to us to accept that love and put our trust in God.

Letting go of fear is not easy, but when we let God increase in us, we will find that our tendencies towards fear and inabilities to trust will decrease. The resurrection shows us that God can bring grace even to death. God can bring good out of the worst. God can bring new life and opportunity out of our fears.

As you prepare to greet the Risen Christ once again this Easter, may you experience God’s grace as you let go of your fears and place your trust in him.

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