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3 Steps to Heal Pet Loss Grief, Losing a Pet Series, @Wilder.Marketing Lic. PawPods. All Rights Reserved.

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3 Steps to Heal Pet Loss Guilt

is brought to you by PawPods,

a company dedicated to creating a better experience

when losing a pet, at the time a pet dies.

This e-Book is part of PawPods’ Content Series:

Losing a Pet.

DEDICATED TO

ELIOT,

WITH LOVE

Disclaimer: This information and exercises contained in this document not a substitute for professional grief therapy or other professional assistance. The information and steps offered herein are brought about from our personal and professional experience, and shared with you for your personal review. We make no health or wellness claims, or guarantee the exercises will take away aspects of pet loss. We know from personal experiences this information has helped many people feel better or gain a better understanding of their loss.

Author and Developer: Kate Wilder. No part of this material may be reproduced without permission by writing [email protected]. Original Downloads of this document may be obtained through the following direct link: http://wilder.marketing/pawpods-losing-a-pet

@2015 Copyright Wilder.Marketing, Licensed to PawPods. All rights reserved.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Foreward / PawPods’ Story ............................................................................................ 2

Welcome and the Subject of Guilt ........................................................................... 3

The Special Case of Euthanasia ................................................................................... 5

Guilt’s Challenges ................................................................................................................ 6

What is Guilt and why do we feel it? ....................................................................... 8

The Process to Heal Pet Loss Guilt Step 1 ......................................................................................................................................... 10

Step 2 .......................................................................................................................................... 11

Step 2 Examples from real pet parents ................................................................ 16

Step 3 ........................................................................................................................................ 19

Step 3 Examples from real pet parents ................................................................ 23

Summary ................................................................................................................................ 26

How To Share Your Story with Us ........................................................................ 27


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Forward – PawPods’ Story

On the day I had to make the excruciating decision to euthanize my beloved dog, my wishes were to bury

my pet at home. In my state of mind at the time, I incorrectly made certain assumptions about “how” my

dog’s remains would be given back to me. I was wrong in my thinking and learned that I was anything but

“prepared”. My little companion was returned to me in a plastic bag. You heard right, a plastic bag.

Perhaps you’ve had this experience?

Friends – this isn’t right. It bothered me and I couldn’t let go of this horrible experience. I began researching what I could have done, what products are available and how I could save other pet owners from this experience. I spent several years researching and ultimately, decided to create a new product for pet parents’ like me, to bring their animal companions home with dignity.

Since I’m a “green” kind of guy, I didn’t want to make a product that added to the environmental problems. It would have to be 100% green, sustainable and biodegradable. But unlike like so many “pet caskets” I wanted sturdy, strong construction -- not flimsy paper.

“PawPods” are pet Urns and pet pods or burial caskets created out of sustainable bamboo and rice husk. There are no artificial colors added, and that is why they resonate a natural ‘golden’ color. Yes we could have satisfied the masses and made them purple, pink or blue but that defeats the purity of the product. Children paint them and receive therapeutic benefit from doing so.

The reason we are bringing you Guides like this one and other excellent content for free in order to build a more personal relationship with you and your pets, and to bring you unique perspectives on healing from loss, not found anywhere else. We know that you may not need us right now; but we want to be there when you do. We never want any family to experience what ours did. If you enjoy this Guide, please post on our Facebook page, won’t you? We all need feedback. Thank you in advance.

Ben Riggin President / CEO PawPods 169 W. Clarkston Rd., Lake Orion, MI 48362 (248) 287-8208

http://PawPods.com

No family should EVER have to carry their pet home in a

plastic bag. Don’t we deserve a better experience on one of the worst days of

our lives?


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Welcome!

Pet Parents are courageous people. There is a double-edged sword to allowing an animal into our lives. Animals bring true love to people, even people who aren’t being kind to them. Their unconditional nature is so pure it’s hard to imagine any person being as pure at giving love, without question. Many of us willingly accept the responsibility to care for a pet when a certain animal crosses our path. But

sadly, before we know it, we have to say goodbye. Why most pets don’t live as long as people is a mystery. We swear we will never ever go through the pain of losing a beloved pet again, as long as we live. And then … an innocent being, one of God’s docile creatures … finds its way into our awareness – again. It’s pretty easy to love an

“Guilt is perhaps

the most painful companion

of death.”

-- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


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animal. For those of us who love our pets like family members, it’s an extremely painful experience losing them.

How a pet dies is the subject behind hidden guilt that pet owners often feel, but may not recognize. Depending upon the circumstances, it’s pretty easy to feel there is more that could have been done. You may have felt like this yourself: “If only – I had gotten there sooner.” “If only – I had known the cancer had spread.” “If only – I hadn’t ignored that she was acting differently.” “If only – I had gone back to hold her while they euthanized her.” “If only – I had known she was sick.” “If only – I didn’t let her out that morning.” There are a lot of reasons to feel something different could have been done, or not done, that contributed to your loss. The result of these “If only’s” is often feeling guilt, on some level.

That is why giving attention to the subject of ‘guilt’ as it is associated with the loss of a pet, is often overlooked, and can remain largely hidden in plain sight. Many pet owners feel guilty when a pet dies, especially when they feel something could have been done to prevent the death, or the prevailing feeling that they did something wrong, the timing was wrong, or something wasn’t done fast enough. So many facets of guilt rear its ugly head during a time of probably emotional distress for many of the best pet parents.


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The Special Case of Euthanasia

When an animal crosses your path in life and you are fortunate to bless one another with unconditional love, you may have had fleeting thoughts about the future when the day will come and your pet will pass on, before you do. Which day will it be? How much longer do I have with them? How awful these thoughts are! Why most animals don’t live as long as people is beyond the scope of this guide, and unquestionably, science as well. So we are left with the unfortunate reality that one day, before you ever expect it, your pet will be sick, in pain, or be the recipient of an abrupt or tragic ending. Although you know this is a forgone conclusion, the future isn’t predictable.

How your pet’s end of life occurs gives most of us just enough reason to avoid considering discussing the subject or making decisions ahead of time – before this fateful day.

How can we ever be ready? That’s like someone asking us to prepare to lose a kid before we die. Who wants to ever do that?! No one!

Having a hand in ending an animal’s life is often in direct moral conflict with our human values. When euthanasia is


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looming as the likely outcome of your beloved pet’s life, guilt often begins beforehand. Often referred to as “Anticipatory Guilt ,” pet owners agonize over this decision.

Questions mull around like, “When is the right time?” “How will I know for sure?” “What if it’s on a holiday – where should I go?” “How do I make sure my pet is not in pain or suffering in any way?” “How do I reconcile my own selfish need to keep him here, vs. ending his misery?” “Am I in denial about how much suffering he or she is in?” “Just how can I know for certain I’m doing the right thing?”

Although euthanasia can be devoted to an entire book of its own, we mention it here because Guilt is associated with this decision, both before and after. It’s important to recognize this and use the steps in this guide to help you.

Guilt’s Challenges

The challenge is getting over the guilt before it starts beating up on you or becoming a significant part of your life.

This guide will ask you questions designed to help you determine what you do feel. Before you begin, make a note to yourself that anything you feel is okay. It’s a process to heal wounds from losing a pet. Also, give yourself permission to take time to do the steps suggested. This is


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your personal and private guide that you don’t have to share with anyone, unless you choose to.

The information and Steps in this guide originated from our collective research of pet lovers who have lost a pet. From studying pet loss we have learned is that guilt is a terrible thing to carry around and requires special attention. This guide was created to help you overcome any lingering guilt you may feel in exchange for forgiveness and feeling better. The 3 steps offered may surprise you.

The first question to ask yourself is “Do I feel guilt over the death of my pet?” You are not alone.


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What is Guilt and Why Do We Feel This?

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross originated the theory of 5 stages in the grieving process, with guilt being part of the normal cycle. Although her theories have been widely written about by others, if you’d like to know more you may find her original information at her foundation http://www.ekrfoundation.org/five-stages-of-grief/.

When you feel guilty, it means you have a conscience. It means that you care. These are the positive aspects to guilt; so don’t feel bad about that. Guilt doesn’t happen to people who are living without empathy for others, whether animals or people. This is the part that is a positive force.

The dangerous part of guilt is its difficulty to be recognized when it goes on too long. It’s a powerful force and can be insidious, almost like a manipulator of your psyche. The power of guilt can be hard to recognize if it becomes the springboard from which you operate from, day to day. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy if not treated with care, it can consume you.


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Since you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you may be feeling, or have felt, guilt for some reason over the loss of your beloved dog, cat, bird, or other companion animal. No matter how awful you feel about the way in which you pet passed away, relief is available for you.

How do we know this? Because what we are about to share with you has worked for us and our families after losing many pets, a few in the most tragic of circumstances that we “should have” prevented! We’ll spare you the details; just know that the Steps that follow were developed out of the need to get past serious guilt over the most tragic of pet deaths.

These 3 simple methods have personally helped in letting go of the guilt, shame and blame for how our pets died.

We have included examples in step 2 and 3 to from real pet owners and situations in which their pets died. We encourage you to do your exercise first, but we understand the temptation to fast forward through this Guide. We think you’ll find the examples to be very real and helpful. Without further ado, here are the 3 Simple Steps.


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Step 1: Be Open-Minded, Find Quiet Time and Relax

This is the easy step, but an important one. Before you jump into Step 2 and 3, find some quiet time where you can be alone. It’s nice to create a calming atmosphere if possible. Give yourself every opportunity

to do the exercises as completely as you can. You will experience the best results by taking a few moments to prepare. Make yourself a cup of tea or have your favorite beverage.

You will need your favorite pen or pencil and a notepad, journal, or the blank pages provided in this e-book. It’s helps to play soft music in the background and create a relaxed atmosphere.

Feel free to read through the steps and the examples, but try to do them when you can relax without interruptions.

What You Will Need: Favorite Pen or Pencil

Notepad or Blank Pages Quiet time


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Step 2:

Write a Letter to Your Pet

First, don’t judge the simplicity of this Step, or the power of it. At first, it might seem silly. Once you actually do it, you will see it differently.

Remember Step 1 – Be Open minded, get relaxed, have time. Nobody except you needs to know the answers to the following questions.

Do you feel guilty that you did something, or didn’t do something, that somehow caused your pet’s death?

Is there something you feel you should have done, but you didn’t?

Do you feel you weren’t there in the last moments of his or her death, and should have been?

Writing a Letter is

healing for you, your children

and your family.


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Was the situation preventable?

Even when a pet’s health has declined and euthanasia must be chosen, guilt may still be present.

What did you do, or not do, that you feel may have contributed to your pet’s demise?

Are you carrying around underlying guilt or anger at yourself?

Writing a letter that expresses your true and honest feelings offers a way to release pent up emotions.

By directly addressing what you wish would have been different, how sorry you are, etc… you begin the process of letting go of the negativity and guilty feelings.

Are you ready to begin your letter? No time like the present.


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Your relationship with your pet was yours, alone. It’s okay to communicate your feelings, even after death.

Grief for pets requires time, solace, quietness, and even grief therapy if you feel it’s necessary.

Ready to begin the exercise in Step 2?

This is a very private exercise and no one needs to know,

except for you. Refer back to the questions above to help you write to your pet.

Begin your Letter with: Dear (your pet’s name),

Tell him or her what you feel. Apologize. Love. Express your true feelings and imagine that your pet understands. Say everything you need to, and don’t worry that anyone

else will judge you. Cry. Imagine that he knows what happened, and knows that there is no way you would ever

have allowed harm to come to him, if you could have prevented it. Feel that your pet truly would want you to

not be stuck any longer. Ask your pet to forgive you. Know that your pet is truly okay, and still loves you

unconditionally.


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My Letter to:


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My Letter to my pet (continued)


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Dear Muggy,

You are missed by our whole family. I hope in Heaven you are

with people you know and are comfortable and safe.

I am so sorry I didn’t stay with you at the Vet’s office when it

was time to put you out of your pain. I just couldn’t do it, but I

wanted to. I wanted your family to be the last people you saw,

so you knew how much you were loved. I am so sorry Muggy,

that I didn’t come. I have felt badly about this for a long time.

Can you please forgive me? You brought so much laughter into

our home and the kids adored you from day 1. Remember how

dad bought you for $10 from that little boy? He saved you for

our family for a day. All the kids were so excited when you

arrived! All those Lake Michigan vacations every year – you

loved Digging! The kids yelling, “Dig, Mugg’s, Dig!” and

there you went, deep into the sand with that long tail sticking

out! And grandma used to trim your tail because it would get

long hairs – remember? You were so cute Muggy. Pretty eyes.

You loved every one in the family, and were so kind to the kids

even while they were young. You couldn’t have been a better

friend. Thank you for giving us such happiness. I pray you

were as happy as you made us. I love you Muggy. Please watch

over the other family members who are in Heaven, will you?

Always, Mom

Example Letter to Pet: To Muggy


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My Dearest Eliot,

I wish you could know how much I miss you still, every single day. It’s very hard to walk by the spot where I found you that awful night and not see you there in the state you were left in. Oh Eliot, there are no words to describe the horror I feel for what happened to you. You must have been so terrified when that big raccoon got in through the window. I know you ran and tried so hard to survive; terrorized while being attacked. I wasn’t there to protect you and it was my job to keep you safe!!! I feel awful and so guilty. Had I gotten home 10 minutes earlier, I would have prevented your death.

I wish I knew whether things happened quickly – I’ve prayed you didn’t feel anything and it took you by surprise. I never wanted you to suffer ever! But you must have wondered where I was if you were screaming out. Eliot I am soooo very very sorry. This torments me so often. I couldn’t believe what I saw. I can’t believe how your final moments on earth were so violent and frightening – the very things I work so hard to avoid for you, and your brother and friends – had happened in the worst way!

Wherever you are now, I pray that God has wrapped you safely in angelic arms and you know how much I hurt, that you’re gone. There’s so much I miss about you! Mornings have never been the same again – When we played our “5 Minutes with Eliot” game every morning, it was like Heaven to wake up to! You danced, and hopped, and sang, and smiled, and hugged, and kissed. Nuzzling into your little neck and the tiny kisses you gave me were incredibly special. You knew me well; and I knew you. Grandma misses you whistling and talking to her on the phone – God you were so smart! Tapping the phone with your beak to say you wanted to (Continued…)

Example Letter to Pet: To Eliot – (Extreme Guilt)


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‘talk to grandma’. Then when she answered, actually responding and talking to “Grandma”. You knew these things. You knew everything. You amazed me for being such a tiny being – but I knew you had a soul. You were more like a human than an animal and constantly surprised me.

I love you still so deeply and no one will ever be You. You gave me more joy than I can express. Our closeness left a void that has been hard to get over.

I wish I could go back to that night and save you. I wish you were still here, sitting on my shoulder while I work. Everyone misses you too. Do you know how much you were loved? Do you know that I am so sorry for your pain? Could you see that I trapped that raccoon so he wouldn’t hurt anyone else? My dear little Eliot – you are still my Mascot in Life. The lessons you taught me, as a tiny animal, are beyond explanation. Can you forgive me for hurting you? I am so sorry Eliot. I am so very sorry my little boy.

If you are in Heaven, I hope you are with all our family members – people and pets. I hope you reunited with Melly and she is comforted by you. I truly do hope the Rainbow Bridge is real, and that I will see you again. For now, I pray for forgiveness for what I didn’t do to protect you. Thank you Eliot, for allowing me to be your pet parent. I hope I did a good job, and that you lived a happy life. It’s all I wanted for you, my boy. I will love you forever, Eliot.

Love,

Your Mom


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Step 3

Write a Letter to Yourself, FROM Your Pet

No we are not crazy! We have included a couple of examples of real life Letters that were written for pet funerals. Unless you have done this, you can’t know how emotional it will be, in a healthy way.

If you are experiencing feelings of guilt over what happened that caused your pet to pass on, this exercise is designed especially for you.

We’d like to invite you to think from your pet’s perspective. There are sample letters below but before reading them, start writing whatever comes to mind on your own. If your pet could speak to you right now, what do you think he or she would say to you? How would he comfort you?

Imagine that he understands what happened, and forgives you?

How would this make you feel?

Did your pet enjoy his or her life?

Is he grateful to you for rescuing him?


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What will he miss most?

What does he most want you to know?

Allow any feelings to be expressed. Tears are very often stirred and it’s good to allow them to come through you. Tears are meant to cleanse the soul.

Do you think your pet appreciated all you gave him, did for him? Did he understand how much you loved him? Did he have a good life?

Go ahead and write your own letter from your pet. If you’re children or grandchildren are hurting over the loss of a pet, whether a goldfish, dog, cat or other pet, teach them how to do this exercise.

Give yourself some quiet time where you can get in touch with your feelings. Then close your eyes and imagine for a moment that your pet is in the room with you now, and has something to say.

Begin writing down what comes to your mind and all that you feel. Don’t judge this. Print out the next couple pages or write on the paper at hand.


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My Pet’s Letter to Me


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My Pet’s Letter to me


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Here are two example letters from the pet’s perspective. The first from Ernie was read by a family friend to the family, at a real-life, full-service pet funeral held for a beloved Shelte dog, at a funeral home in Michigan. There wasn’t a dry eye in the chapel.

Continued next page …

Example Letter From Pet: From Ernie


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Example Letter From Pet: From Ernie

As you may imagine, the family who sat listening to this letter were moved to tears. The perspective the letter brought showed the truth of how their dog viewed them. Although it was emotional, it helped this family ease their pain. The next letter is from Eliot – from the first Example in Step 2.


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Example Letter From Pet: From Eliot


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Summary

Once you have finished your letters, you may want to keep them in a safe place. If you’re ever feeling sad or you notice guilt creeping up on you again your letters can offer comfort.

It may be helpful to repeat the exercise in the future. You may think of more you’d like to say – so write another letter! Healing is a process. Active participation in your healing helps ensure your movement forward.

We hope you enjoyed this Guide and were inspired to take action to do the exercises. If you haven’t yet completed them, take a few moments and try. Remember that emotions are our body’s way of releasing and cleansing the soul. It’s always okay to feel feelings, especially over the loss of a pet no matter how long it’s been.

We wish you all the best and would love to hear your story. We are encouraging you to share your letter or letters with other pet parents if you feel comfortable. Our Facebook page is always open for comments and sharing. We welcome you to get to know us. When it’s time for your pet to cross the Rainbow Bridge, we hope you’ll consider bringing them home with dignity in a PawPod.

On behalf of pets everywhere, go in peace and safety today. May healing and comfort be yours from this day forward.


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How to Share Your Letters with Us!

Join Our Social Pages and Connect with Other Pet Parents

Facebook: http://facebook.com/pawpods Pinterest : http://pinterest.com/pawpods Twitter : http://twitter.com/pawpods

Where are PawPods available?

PawPods’ urns and pet burial pods are now in

Petco online

Bed, Bath and Beyond

TheGrommet.com

Hayneedle

Amazon.com

e-Bay.com

and our own website at

http://pawpods.com.

We continue expanding our reach into pet stores, Veterinarian practices, Pet Crematories, Distributors and Pet Cemeteries

across the nation.

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