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This booklet is a gift from all those who knew Rabbi Kilimnick – friends, colleagues and

congregants – to his family, on the occasion of the Rabbi’s shloshim.

We would like to thank all those who contributed their memories, their photographs, their

gratitude, and their love:

Introduction: Hillel Deutsch

Lyn Gold Adams Holzman Family Michah Segelman Larry Adelson Rita Adelson

David and Pammy Isaacs Neil Jaschik

Martha Shaftel Rahel Sherman

Aiken Family Rabbi Alan Katz David and Helena Shrier Ann and Jim Anderson Deborah and George Kornfeld Ruth and Steve Silver

Isaac Anderson Barbara Applebaum

Alicia LaMere Lea Malek

Kathye Simon and Aharon Baruch

E. David Applebaum Camelia Marzouk Slavny-Decker Family Helen Arditi Shula Meyerowitz June Slavny

Jane and John August Esther Miller Michael and Brandy Snyder Sheila Augustine Michael Miller Igor Spivak

Jack and Rhoda Azar Sandra Miller Noah Spivak Raina and Ronnie Berger Michael Miran Barbara and Sid Sobel

Bob Berkowitz Chany Mochkin Josh Sobel Marcia Birken

Lois and Arie Bodek Marjorie and Ethan Montag

Joel Morris Barry and Susan Stein

Daniel and Sarita Sragow Rabbi Dov Chastain Karen and Michael

David Movsky Bev Movsky

Phyllis Sussman Pesach Dovid Usdane

Dobkowski Newman Family Michelle Ventimiglia Elliot Fix Donald Onimus Miriam Weidenfeld Lisa Fox Yocheved Prack Jonathan Weissman

Sarah and Ron Freeling Gerri Robins Robin Wettenstein Friedman Family

Monica and Heath Gebell Rabbi Nathan H. Rose

Rosenbaum Family Shelly Rothschild Yekutiel and

Yosef Yekutiel Michael Gofman Mike Rosenhouse Ruth Zimelman

Rabbi Rosalind A. Gold Sadik Family Eliot Zimelman Sorina Goldstein Ed Sassman Cheryl and Michael Zeldin

Barbara and Marvin Gray Jeremy Schnittman Danny Zysman Sharon Gray and Scott Sherin

Sheri Levy Gross Michael and Suzanne

Schnittman

Beth Freeling Gusenoff Steven Schwartz Brian Hirschfield Seigel (Schafer) Family

Epilogue: A Hesped from Jeffrey Shrager

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Introduction: Memories from a Shul President

אמר רבי עקיבא אשריכם ישראל לפני מי אתם מטהרין מי מטהר אתכם אביכם שבשמים שנאמר מקוה ישראל

)ה'( מה מקוה מטהר את הטמאים אף הקב"ה מטהר את ישראל

“Rabbi Akiva says, Happy are you Israel! Before whom are you purified and who purifies you?

Your Father in Heaven! As it is written… “Hashem is the hope (mikveh) of Israel. Just as a

mikveh purifies the impure, so Hashem purifies Israel.” (Mishna Yoma 8:9)

Who can hear these words and not envision Rabbi Kilimnick standing on the Beth Sholom

Bimah at the close of hakafot on Simchat Torah night, joyously calling out each refrain with

ever-increasing intensity, index finger pointed to the heavens, drawing forth every last bit of his

strength as the packed sanctuary exploded around him with Jews dancing and clapping and

crying out the responses in unison?

Today, as that image fill me with a mixture of joy and grief, I can’t help but notice there are

many layers of complexity to that Mishnah, as there were many layers of complexity to the

Rabbi.

Rabbi Akiva’s statement is based on the double meaning of the word mikveh: it commonly

means a ritual bath, but literally it means hope; Hashem is the hope of the Israel, but also

purifies her.

The same is true of Rabbis.

Rabbis provide their congregants with hope. In times of need and sorrow, when tragedy strikes

an individual, or a family, or a country, they look to their Rabbi for reassurance that Hashem

sees their suffering, that this will pass, that even the blackest of nights will end in a dawn.

Rabbi Kilimnick was there, providing that hope to countless people and families in his four and a

half decades as the spiritual leader of our community.

And a Rabbi must be a mikveh, too. A source of purification and forgiveness. But a mikveh has a

cost: while the person who enters ultimately exits feeling pure, the mikveh itself must bear the

silt and dirt left behind. A Rabbi pays a terrible price for being a mikveh; he lightens the burden

of those in direst need, but does so by shouldering part of that burden himself.

Think for a moment on the countless times people came to the Rabbi with their pain, their

suffering, their need. I’ve lost my job. I’ve lost my mom. I’ve lost my way. Think of all those

unable to understand or articulate their own pain, who would engage in anger, using the Rabbi

as a conduit to vent the disappointment and frustration in their lives.

Rabbi Kilimnick served as mikveh for all those people, shouldering a portion of their burden and

their suffering, and in exchange dispensing comfort and forgiveness and purity and hope. He

gave of his seemingly boundless reserves of energy and joy to all who sought it, even in times

when he himself was suffering tremendous pain.

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And just as a mikveh must on occasion be cleansed and refilled, I like to think that the Rabbi

was refilled and cleansed from shouldering the community’s sorrow by basking in the

community’s joy. That is why he would beam and glow at every wedding and bar/bat mitzvah

and bris. Why he greeted every guest with a broad smile, a joke, a word of Torah, a game of

Jewish geography. Why on every Simchat Torah night he would stand on the bimah and sing

with every last bit of his strength.

Rabbi Kilimnick was Rochester’s mikveh, and we all have stories and memories from the

profound impact our encounters with him had on our lives. Sometimes the Rabbi was involved

in massive, life-changing events. But so often it was the small acts of kindness and

thoughtfulness that had the greatest impact. Private moments that the congregation would

never see. It seems only fitting that, to commemorate his shloshim, a few of those stories and

memories should be shared.

It is not simply an opportunity for us to say goodbye. It is an opportunity for us to express our

gratitude and sorrow; to fill a part of the hole that his passing has opened in each of us.

For Rabbi Kilimnick to be our mikveh one last time.

Yours in love and sorrow,

Hillel Deutsch

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Lyn Gold Adams

Rabbi Shaya was a very kind person. When my Father, Irving passed away in 2003, Rabbi met

me at Highland Hospital. He asked me if I wanted to give my dad a kiss goodbye. When my

mom, Maxine, died in 2013 at the Jewish Home, Rabbi came in to speak to me and asked me if I

would like to give her a kiss goodbye. I knew Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick for over 40 years. He will

be totally missed.

Larry Adelson

Rabbi Kilimnick and I seldom agreed on anything political. The discussion was usually short and

sometimes heated. Even so, he always had a good word and a pleasant smile.

When my Mother-in-Law died (December 2014) Rabbi and Nechie put off a trip by one day to

stop in Monticello to attend the funeral. Rabbi Kilimnick gave a heartfelt and beautiful speech.

It made a lasting impression on all of those present, especially the family.

Rita Adelson

Following Shiva for the passing of my mother, I returned to Rochester from my home town of Monticello, NY. As my mother had only daughters, saying Kaddish for her was something I wanted to do. I entered the small sanctuary with some trepidation as I was not sure how my female voice from the back would be received. Rabbi Kilimnick greeted me with open arms. His warm welcome, encouragement, and wise words helped me through a difficult period. He touched my heart and my soul. I am a better person for having known him.

Aiken Family

Many good memories of Rabbi Kilimnick. I particularly recall that a year or two after moving out of Rochester we invited Rabbi and Nechie to attend Elan’s wedding in Atlanta. He received a Sheva Bracha, sat at our table and honored us by being part of our simcha. The Rabbi always brought joy to any event he attended and he and Nechie’s warmth enhanced the excitement and made us feel so connected again to him and the Beth Sholom community

More recently I saw Rabbi Kilimnick on a zoom program and when he spotted me he said “oh there is Diane Aiken.” The rabbi always reached out and made you feel that you counted. Our family will miss Rabbi Kilimnick.

With love,

Diane, Jeff, Danny, Elan and Eva and Brett Aiken

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Ann and Jim Anderson

Memories of Rabbi Kilimnick

Years ago, when there was Midrasha Jewish High School our third son was a student there. In

fact, he refused to take courses from anyone except Rabbi Kilimnick. During the years he was a

student, our daughter, Sami, died. At the time, we were members of Temple Beth El. As we

were waiting for the funeral to begin, Rabbi Kilimnick came to sat with our son. He and Nechie

were the first at shiva following the burial. We will always remember gratefully Rabbi’s

kindness.

Many years later Rabbi Kilimnick insisted that we have a “big Jewish wedding” (his

words.) Following the Bet Din overseeing our Orthodox conversions, we had thought perhaps

just a small ceremony with a minyan in his office. He wouldn’t hear of it; “Your friends will all

make you a wedding! There’ll be dancing!” Nechie urged him on saying, “a summer evening-

everyone will come!” It was indeed a wonderful evening filled with friends, dancing and so

many good wishes and welcomes to the Beth Sholom community but our most enduring

memory of all is of a beaming Rabbi Kilimnick welcoming us under the chuppah and with piano

and song at the celebration following!

In gratitude-always, Ann and Jim

Isaac Anderson

My memories of time spent with Rabbi Shaya go back to the days even before my Bar-Mitzvah. When I was younger, I enjoyed the Rabbi's love for me as a developing child. After my Bar-Mitzvah, as I was now considered a Jewish adult, I valued the Rabbi's commitment and everlasting care for my development as a young Jewish man, until the day he passed away. I had so much I still wanted to talk about with the Rabbi, as I was always confident that he would be able to help me both along the way, and to reach my full potential as a young adult man. Rabbi Shaya, I just want you to know how much more we would have journeyed together, you and I, and how much I am missing your presence in the land of the living. Barbara Applebaum Rabbi Kilimnick, the Survivors’ Rabbi: Rabbi had a special connection with the survivors in our community. He knew how to respond to them so that they felt heard. He treated them with such kavod, supporting them in good times and bad, listening to their stories, feeling their pain, helping them smile when they needed to laugh, sometimes teasing them as only Rabbi could do. He would advocate for them to the rest of the community and help them mourn their loved ones. He always knew just what to say to give them comfort.

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E. David Applebaum

Several years (decades) ago, while serving as JCC Israel Affairs Committee chairman, I was asked to plan an Israel Day Fair consisting of booths, presentation, games, dancing ....and food, including falafel. Being BG (before Geulah’s), there was only one place that could supply the quality and efficiency required in the form of two Israeli gentlemen who ran a vegetarian kosher falafel shop on Monroe Ave near Oxford St. One problem. The store was open on shabbos. Mashgiach Rabbi Kilimnick, applying a principle similar to selling one’s chometz, devised a document transferring ownership of the business to a non- Jewish employee for the shabbos before and after the Sunday fair. All profits derived accrued only to that employee. He then supervised the Israelis as they delivered high-quality falafel at the fair. Another small but important example of satisfying a community need while remaining true to Halacha. Helen Arditi I met Rabbi Kilimnick when I was in high school and took a course in Mishnah Sukkah at Midrasha. At that time, I was a member of a Conservative Shul. Years later, when I started to consider joining Beth Sholom, I attended Shabbat morning Services at Beth Sholom. After services, Rabbi Kilimnick approached me. When I told him my name, he immediately remembered me from Midrasha. Rabbi Kilimnick’s warmth eased the transition to Beth Sholom. Jane and John August A few years ago, when John and I were in Israel, while John was playing in the Maccabiah, I was

with [noted tour guide] Yomi Groner doing my archaeology thing. We were in the Hecht

Museum at the University of Haifa, a rather obscure place frequented mostly by historians,

archaeologists, scholars and archaeology nerds like me. As you enter, there is a big photograph

of Jerusalem taken sometime in the early 1930's. As Yomi and I were discussing what had not

yet been discovered when the photo was taken, a couple came up behind us. After chatting for

a minute the inevitable "where are you from" was asked. Rochester, New York I said. Their

eyes lit up immediately -"Do you know Rabbi Kilimnick?"

And, when we first ventured into the Shorashim Shop in the Jewish Quarter in the old city -

Moshe Kempinsky, the proprietor, asked the same question. When we answered Rochester,

New York, again the eyes lit up -"Do you know my good friend Rabbi Kilimnick"? Always

whenever someone knew Rabbi, the reaction was always the same - their eyes would light up

at the thought of him.

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Berger Family We came to Rochester a year before the Rabbi and Nechie and immediately became members of Beth Sholom. So when our new Rabbi and Rebbetzin arrived we greeted them with great excitement and anticipation. We were all so young, Dovid and our Yael were just one year old. Our entire Rochester experience, almost our entire married life, has been interwoven with Rabbi and Nechie. Some of our best memories are from the early years when we were raising our families, doing lots of shule programming for the young couples club, working for Hillel School and the mikveh, building the eruv, and sharing youthful pranks and kumzitzs. In truth we had an unusual relationship that encompassed friendship and congregant. Sometimes we disagreed, yet the four of us shared a mutual love and respect that went quite deep. The Rabbi and Nechie demonstrated many midot. Their home was always open to us and it was a home filled with a passion for learning, humor, music, discussion, and in general a great joie de vivre. They loved their congregants and appreciated their individual qualities and uniqueness and dismissed their foibles. Rabbi eloquently remembered and mourned forever those who passed on. Who can ever forget our Neilah sermons? Rabbi was able to present Torah values, concepts and ideas in a way that was palatable and exciting to less observant or uninformed Jews. However, he was also a fierce defender of halacha and Torah principles. He often took courageous stands and became ferocious if he felt a Torah precept or ideal was being trampled upon. This I greatly admired because it went against his natural gentle loving way and caused him much pain and sleeplessness. He was a master at capturing the essence of a person. He saw the positive in everything around him and even more so after his illness. He was forgiving and forbearing. Not all of these attributes came easily. He worked to acquire them. The Rabbi had a secret power, a magical treasure; his champion and cheerleader. Talented, gifted, and extremely modest, Nechie always stepped back to give him the limelight. They shared a beautiful marriage filled with laughter and mutual adoration. He knew how lucky he was to have found this treasure and we often spoke about it. They were a powerhouse couple in every way and they created a power family; each child a jewel that we all admire. And as a family, they impacted all of us, our children, our shule, and Rochester as a whole and continue to do so. Larger than life, I know Rabbi K's absence is still not believable to many of us. We feel a constant void and unexpected heartache. His beautiful panim, blue eyes and smile are right there before my eyes. His dovining, songs, humor, earnest words, echo in my dreams. I know I am not alone. He made us laugh, he made us sing, he made us cry, he made us remember. We will miss him forever. Ronnie and Raina Berger

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Bob Berkowitz

Beyond shared life events, Rabbi Kilimnick and I spoke of each other as our “Shabbos walking

partner”. I felt honored to be able to walk to Shul on Shabbos with my Rabbi. We would greet

each other with a “good Shabbos”, a smile and a hand shake. His smile always seemed bigger

and more enthusiastic than mine no matter what events had occurred during the week. For

more Shabbosim than I can count that’s the way it was. Rabbi Kilimnick and I greeted each

other and walked together, most weeks twice - morning and afternoon, up Highland Avenue

then onto Monroe until we arrived at the Shul.

For me the walks were as welcome as Shabbos itself. What could be better than one on one

time with my Rabbi? We enjoyed conversations filled with philosophy and faith, history,

Brooklyn, life’s mysteries, stories of one sort or the next, good humor, insights into people,

news, politics, community, travel, teaching, learning and chopped liver. We asked questions

about each other’s families and friends, and shared our lives with very personal, at times

confidential, heartfelt information. There were simchas shared, sorrows borne, and his

welcomed advice. On our walk Rabbi Kilimnick would always share an insight into the Parsha

HaShevuah that he had spent the week learning, or something that he had learned or

experienced in Yeshiva from his Rebbi, Rav Weinberg. There were the “Kilimnick-isms”, life

truths, such as: “first impressions are lasting impressions”; “small children small problems, big

children big problems”; “always be where you’re supposed to be”. There were the times my

grandson would chase down the street running to greet Rabbi with a hug and a “good

Shabbos”. Rabbi Kilimnick’s response was always great joy, a kind word and more often than

not, a lollypop that Rebbizten Nechie had put in his jacket pocket in anticipation of the

encounter. There was all this and so much more. No wonder I would watch from the window

in our hallway for the Rabbi to turn the corner at Mayflower onto Highland Avenue.

“Walking partners” was our way of showing our caring relationship to each other. As the walks

got more difficult and his pace became slower, we would take stops for a breath to reenergize.

In those moments of rest, mostly no words were spoken so the Rabbi could focus his energy on

the goal of getting to the Shul he loved so much. And then, when he was ready to continue, we

would resume our walk and our conversation. That was the way it was on Shabbos until in the

last few years when Rabbi Avi and his children escorted the Rabbi up Highland Avenue and on

to the Shul. Again, I felt honored to be able to join with them.

For many people Rabbi Kilimnick was a leader, a mentor, a role model, a teacher, a friend. For

me, he was also my Shabbos walking partner. I have walked on Highland Avenue since Rabbi

Kilimnick’s passing. The walk is now solo, lonesome and teary. I pray that the tears go away,

knowing all the while that my missing Rabbi will linger.

Bob Berkowitz Walking Partner

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Letter from Rabbi Kilimnick to Chanan Berkowitz.

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Marcia Birken

Rabbi Kilimnick was very supportive of me when I was undergoing chemotherapy. His visits, warmth, and humor made everything more bearable. Lois and Arie Bodek

Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick and B’nai Yisrael Arie and I both had the utmost respect for Rabbi Kilimnick. We admired him, and we liked him. Whenever we saw the Rabbi--in a hall or at kiddush, at various shul events, Arie at morning minyan and/or breakfast--he always smiled and greeted us warmly. He went out of his way to talk to us as if we were old friends. He viewed every Jew as part of the same family, B’nai Yisrael. He had a firm grasp of the human condition, which is rare. There was a genuine kindness to him, also rare. I’ll supply one anecdote. It’s related to my B’nai Yisrael comment above. Upon learning that my mother’s maiden name was Litvin and that she had grown up in Brooklyn, Rabbi Kilimnick said, “Litvin? I know some Litvins in Brooklyn. One is a lawyer. A famous lawyer. Are you related to that Litvin?” This was a first for me. No rabbi had ever asked about my parents or grandparents, much less connected us to a Litvin in Brooklyn. Who--other than Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick--would know a Litvin in Brooklyn? This is so obscure, so remarkable. We always thought my grandma Rena was the last family member named Litvin in Brooklyn. My grandparents had no sons to carry on the Litvin name. They had three girls, married with different surnames. My grandparents, Arieh v’Rena Livinofsky (Litvin), separately immigrated at age 13, and as far as they knew, were the only members of their families to escape the Russian pogroms. Somewhere along the way, one of my grandfather’s brothers also escaped. This Uncle Abe Litvin, as my mother called him, owned a little store, where he employed my mother and her sister for a short time during the Great Depression. Afterwards, nothing was known about Uncle Abe and what happened to him. About five years ago, I found Uncle Abe’s Litvin descendants on an ancestry app, and they had connected him to his brother aka my grandfather, Arieh (Harry) Litvin. From this tree, I was able

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to see for the first time that the Livinofky/Litvin family went back 250 years in Russia before the pogroms. How extraordinary! Rabbi Kilimnick knew nothing about any of this, of course. When he mentioned--expressing both excitement and hope--that he might know relatives of mine, the Litvins of Brooklyn, I was floored. Who--other than Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick--was, or is, able to connect B’nai Yisrael in such a manner? Who knows enough people everywhere to tie us together, who cares enough to do this sort of thing, to think this way? My mother would have called Rabbi Kilimnick “a oner.” It meant, “unique in the most beautiful way.” It was her highest compliment. -Lois Bodek In fond memory and deep appreciation of Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick z”l, and also with the greatest love for my parents, Sam and Freda (Litvin) Goldberg z”l. Rabbi Dov Chastain

I will tell you of the first time I met the Rabbi. As you know, I have only lived here for three years, and moved here after the Rabbi's first bout with cancer. I first met the Rabbi on the first Simchas Torah that I was in town, when the Yeshiva came down to dance at Beth Shalom on Simchas Torah night. My first experience with Rabbi Kilimnick was watching him passionately and energetically leading the song "Amar Rebbi Akiva." He got the entire crowd energized, and it was a pleasure to sing with him. Afterwards, he and I struck up a conversation, in which he and I quickly connected over the fact that we were both cancer survivors, as I lived through childhood leukemia. He gave me a lot of chizzuk that night, telling me I was a survivor, and that the Ribbono Shel Olam definitely had an important plan for me, and that was why I am still here. He encouraged me to make the most of my time, and I can still hear those words ringing in my ears. They meant a lot coming from a fellow survivor, and a man who dedicated his life to helping Klal Yisrael. Yehi Zichro Baruch.

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A speech that we will never forget was the one Rabbi Kilimnick made as he was stepping down into the

role of Rabbi Emeritus. He spoke to the congregation with such passion about his many years at Beth

Sholom and the many congregants who had a strong impact on his life. Rabbi had the ability to

remember names, stories, connections and the unique personalities of every one of his cherished

departed members. It was a speech that will never be forgotten and could have only been given by our

Rabbi.

Our hearts are very heavy at this time as Rabbi’s passing leaves a gaping void. He will always be

in our minds and we will live the many lessons that he taught us.

Elliot Fix

I grew up in Beth Sholom from its early days on Field Street to now Monroe Ave. I attended the

Hebrew Schools and experienced different rabbis. From Rabbi Kilimnick’s first arrival through

the many blessed years he was with us, he always impressed me with his abundant knowledge

and his ability to communicate so effectively his love of Judaism, Israel and the Jewish people.

His theme of unity resonated deeply within me, sometimes moving me to tears. I will miss his

charismatic personality and joyful good humor. He was a true mensch. May his memory always

be a blessing.

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Friedman Family Rabbi Kilimmick meant so much to our family. The relationship he had with our Zaide, Asher

Zelig, was very special, with mutual love and respect for each other. He was so dear to us, and

felt deeply our joys and sorrows, as he did with countless families. He was part of all our family

life events; weddings, bris, bat mitzvahs & funerals. We will always cherish Rabbi Shaya in our

hearts as our family Rabbi.

Meir, Genya and Leah Friedman

Monica and Heath Gebell

Rabbi Kilimnick was such a major part of our spiritual lives. He blessed us when we were Bar-

and Bat-Mitzvahed, and then again when we married. He loved us when we were children and

continued to love us and our children, too. His words of wisdom stay with us; so too his genuine

smile and the joy he brought to our simchas. We will miss him so much.

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Michael Gofman

My very bright memory of Rabbi Shaya ZT”L is his joyful singing during the last Simhat Torah

celebration at Beth Sholom. He was so energetic and his happiness was felt in the air. He will be

deeply missed and always remembered.

Rabbi Rosalind A. Gold

I expect when I came to Rochester in 1978 to be the Assistant Rabbi at Temple B’rith Kodesh, I was the first woman rabbi that Rabbi Kilimnick ever met. Unlike some other rabbis in the community, Rabbi Kilimnick was kind and respectful to me. One day we were sitting next to each other at a Board of Rabbis meeting, and he turned to me and started telling me about a sale on food processors — that they were so reasonably priced his wife had bought four of them (two just for Pesach). I didn’t own a food processor at the time so I asked him how it worked and if she liked it. He waxed enthusiastic about it, and we chatted for a while longer before the meeting started. That was all. Simple. But it said a lot to me about his decency, that he would reach out in kindness to this very young, very new, Reform woman rabbi and try to find common connection. And it made me feel that I could have a place in the greater Rochester Jewish community. And PS, when I returned to Rochester 32 years later to celebrate a simcha at Beth Sholom, Rabbi Kilimnick remembered me and welcomed me warmly to the synagogue. His memory is a blessing, and I send heartfelt condolences to the Kilimnick family and the Beth Sholom family.

Sarina Goldstein

To Rabbi Avi and All the Kilimnick Family; the Rabbi's greatest legacy, What greater purpose can there be in life than to affect the lives of others for the good? That was Rabbi’s mission, both on a conscious level, and sometimes not. How many people, young and old and in between have stories to tell of how Rabbi influenced, guided and supported them during times of stress, and also when they weren't even aware that they were looking for change. In our case, we were searching for something more personal in terms of a Jewish connection, for ourselves and our children. Your father's warmth, sincerity and humor drew us immediately into Beth Sholom, which became our new spiritual home. We are but one family out of countless others with similar stories. We can't begin to know how many future generations will experience Jewish life at its best because of Rabbi's influence in the lives of their parents. From our first Shabbat in Beth Sholom, our children felt enveloped in Rabbis warmth. He conveyed his love and caring to every child who crossed his path, not with just a pat on the head or friendly smile, but with a sincere effort to connect with every child and make them feel special and loved.

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Rabbi's humanity reached far beyond his kehilla and the greater Jewish community. He had a soul that needed to connect to every person, Jewish and non-Jewish, who crossed his path, whether it be a revered Rav, or the security guard, the mail carrier, or a stranger. No one was invisible to Rabbi. Everyone was shown his interest and deep respect, and with such warmth and humor. We sat in shul this past Shabbat looking at your father's seat on the bimah, knowing it will never be filled again, but also feeling blessed and grateful to have you, our beloved Rabbi Avi to guide us through our loss with the wisdom of your father's legacy and your very own exceptional gifts. We will miss you, dear Rabbi, dear friend

יהי זכרך לברכה

Barbara and Marvin Gray

Rabbi Shaya was a big part of our lives. I was sisterhood president when he came to our shule. I enjoyed working with him and getting to know him. He married our four children and we were privileged to join him on two trips to Israel. We had a wonderful time and returned with a love of the country. We will miss him, his smile, his voice, and his concern and love for our community.

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Sharon Gray and Scott Sherin

Rabbi Kilimnick had a tremendous impact on me and my family. He always liked to share the story that it was he who convinced my parents to send me to Hillel School in 1978. That decision truly was the beginning of my Jewish learning and commitment to a life of Jewish values and traditions. Rabbi Kilimnick was central to celebrating life cycle events with our family. He married Scott and me at Temple Beth El on August 23, 1998. He was delivering a beautiful speech under the chupah when a bug kept flying by and was distracting me. I put up my finger to shoo the fly away. After the ceremony, Rabbi came up to us to tell us he got our signal that he was speaking too long and he needed to wrap it up. He was not aware that I was just trying to get rid of the bug. That same evening, of course, he got up and sang for the never ending hora. Many of my friends, to this day, still remember that hora and claim that it was the best hora they've ever done.

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Beth Freeling Gusenoff Rabbi has guided me through my childhood. Ever since I was a toddler, I would sit next to my Mom at Shule. When we arrived to Beth Sholom on time, as Rabbi Kilimnick would bring back the Torah, and pass us, somehow he managed to sing beautifully, have me kiss the Torah, and flash his Rabbi Kilimnick hendelach that made me feel so welcome and special. As a child, it felt like we were always the last people to leave kiddush because my parents were schmoozing with Rabbi and Rebbitzen Nechi. But, as Rabbi guided me through NCSY, my Bat Mitzvah, Camp Morasha and high school awkwardness with his genuine care and interest, I wanted to be the last one at kiddush to soak in Rabbi Kilimnick’s humor, yidishkite and hope. On my returns home to Rochester from my schooling, Rabbi’s warm smile from the Bimah when he saw me walk in made me feel so special. Hearing him sing Etz Chaim hee with his beautiful harmonies filled me with strength and grounded me to return to schooling challenges. Watching Rabbi Kilimnick’s face and his nachus as he watched his multiplying grandchildren from the Bima was THE BEST. Oh how all the kids loved getting their lollipop from him after opening the ark for Anim Zemirot. He always had a beautiful exchange and way with each child. On Yomim Tovim listening to him sing Avinu Malkenu with such kavod and his strength when blowing the shofar.... truly nothing like it. When we were really young, we would time him for tekiah godola. He was amazing. It was a goal of his to blow the Shofar again for the Congregation for the Yomim Tovim after his treatments, and he did, and his Tekiah Godola will be with me always.

Rabbi Kilimnick was my rock through wedding planning drama, culminating in a magical Bedekken, Chupah and Hora. “Rabbi Kilimnick style”... the warmest, most freilach style around. He supported me and my parents through my bittersweet move to Pittsburgh. He did say, with a twinkle in his eyes, “Pittsburgh has a nice Jewish community but it’s not Rochester....but you

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will be ok.” It surely is not Rochester, it does not have Rabbi Kilimnick. He checked on me and kept in touch via email. Although there may have been physical distance, he made me feel close. I was in awe of his Caring Bridges and cherished each and every one. He wrote the most beautiful stories and Drashas while he was weak, to give strength to all of us. There is no one like Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick. Rabbi Kilimnick had the intangible ability with his focused and twinkling eyes, with his comforting and warm voice, with his perfectly timed, spontaneous, brilliant wit, with his understanding yet always hopeful tone.... To really hear me, to validate me, to make me smile, to succinctly teach me without even realizing I was being taught, to motivate me to be a little better, without giving me any feeling of pressure or anxiety. There was only one Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick and I am beyond blessed to have had him in my life. I promise to carry on your love of Judaism and your hope for the world Rabbi. With Love and Gratitude Beth Freeling Gusenoff

Brian Hirschfield Rabbi Kilimnick had time and concern for every Jew. Our daughter Hadas was attempting to make aliya in late 2015. Unfortunately, she was getting very negative responses from the Toronto office of Nefesh BNefesh. They were in fact giving her incorrect information regarding her situation and were not empathetic at all. They incorrectly insisted she could not serve in the IDF. We contacted our dear Rabbi for guidance. He invited me to meet in his office and really helped in his own way. He listened intently, and started working the phone. He reached out there and then to his daughter Tzipora in Israel to help. I left his office feeling confident that Dassie would indeed serve in the IDF. Let me just say that Dassie made aliya in November 2015. She served two years in the Israeli Air Force in the elite dog training unit. She is now studying to be a Veterinary nurse and living her dream. Rabbi in his own selfless way played a role in realizing our daughter’s dream. I am sure he did the same for countless others. May we always remember him as the kind, unique, giving, loving mensch he was.

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Neil Jaschik

Rabbi Kilimnick represented the best of Modern Orthodoxy as well as being a wonderful and warm human being. As you know, despite my attendance at the minyan (pre-COVID), I am a Conservative Jew who found a welcoming home at Beth Sholom when my father died and kaddish was more convenient at Beth Sholom. But Rabbi Kilimnick made sure I was as much a part of the Beth Sholom family as any other member. His approach was always to address an issue in a way that showed love and respect for everyone involved. He will be sorely missed and when the minyan table resumes, we will all be the poorer for the loss.

Rabbi Alan Katz

(Rabbi Emeritus, Temple Sinai, Rochester, NY)

When I arrived in Rochester in 1986, Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick was already an established presence and leader in the Jewish community. He cared very much about klal Yisrael and welcomed us with open arms. Over the years, except for my associates at Temple Sinai, I would always say that the rabbi to whom I felt the closest connection was Shaya. That friendship and bond has lasted through the years. There was respect, friendship and even love that existed through the years. We did not always agree on religious matters. However, I learned that if I presented a logical argument he listened, and I believe he accepted that there are differences in the community, but we need to remain united. One of those discussions many years ago, was over LGBTQ in the Jewish community. He presented his halachic perspective claiming he was commanded and didn’t have a choice. Yet, when he heard my thoughts and that I too did not have a choice, he took that into his thinking. We were able to listen to each other and learn without necessarily always agreeing. We traveled together on numerous missions to Israel. Both of us were lovers of Israel. On one flight home I remember the two of us reading a book together in Hebrew called “Haredim”. What was always special about those missions was that we met each other’s friends and associates which crossed denominational lines. There are two specific events I recall. One was when Shaya and Nechie came to our home to celebrate our daughter’s Bat Mitzvah. At the time we were not sure an Orthodox family would come and eat in our home. Tamar is now Chabad and we talk about that. The second event was when he came to Temple Sinai to present me with an award from Israel Bonds. This was at a dinner before Shabbat services which was early enough for him to return to Beth Sholom before Shabbat began. Additionally, I was honored to speak on behalf of the Board of Rabbis at his retirement celebration.

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My Reform colleagues were often impressed when they heard that we officiated at a number of weddings together. We were able to work together with respect and I believe that brought strength to our community. A number of years ago there was a difference in the Board of Rabbis that led to a split where my associate and I were no longer able to participate. A couple of years later when I was walking in the Jewish Quarter in Jerusalem and turned a corner there was Shaya, Nechie and others in his family. The strain of the past years over the issue had kept us apart. However, at that moment we saw each other, hugged and exchanged our feelings that our friendship superseded the issue. He invited me to attend a grandson’s Bar Mitzvah at the Kotel. Although I personally do not pray at the kotel, I was honored to join the family for this important celebration.

After that, back in Rochester he called to lay the groundwork for my associate and I to rejoin the Board of Rabbis. He realized that there were always issues we would not see eye to eye, but that shouldn’t separate us. Our friendship and respect remained strong. Another time in Israel, when I was staying in Modi’in and he was in at Tzipporah’s home in Hashmonaim I visited, bringing him some pastries which we enjoyed together. Over the past few years as health issues arose we were there for each other. Our conversations were as friends and rabbinic colleagues. He knew I have been here for him and he in turn was has been here for me. Shaya and Nechie have been continually in our prayers.

Photo Credit: Julian Goldstein

Deborah and George Kornfeld

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Dear Kilimnicks,

I want to add our sincere condolences on the death of your father, our Rabbi. Rabbi Shaya was

a man who lived life with gusto. He was a man driven by faith, family and food. He would work

hard to find a connection with each person he met and he almost always found one.

Congregants and visitors alike were drawn to his warmth and hospitality. Our in-law children

always felt that warm and welcoming spirit when they visited Beth Sholom.

Attending morning minyan regularly gave me an extra connection with the rabbi. Speaking and

getting to know each other better over coffee and breakfast was a great way to start the day. I

always appreciated hearing a d’var torah daily and having the opportunity to say a few words

about my parents on their yarzeits.

Rabbi Kilimnick was an orthodox rabbi who took steps to make the shul more inclusive to

women. Women can comfortably say kaddish at our shul and dance with a Torah on Simchat

Torah. Young girls have read Torah, Megillat Esther and sang Shir Hashirim from the bimah on

special occasions. We’ve had women presidents and women have given divrei torah on

Shabbat. These steps were significant and meaningful for our family and we are grateful to your

father for creating these opportunities. He will be missed.

Paulina Kovalsky Among the incredible service Rabbi Kilimnick provided to our community, the most touching to me personally, was his unique connection to our community’s Holocaust Survivors. He felt they gave him extra strength, in part because their ability to rise from their traumatic experiences put everything in perspective. Rabbi Kilimnick's long-standing annual Yizkor service for those who perished was so meaningful and moving. My father was a Survivor, and my family and I were very grateful that Rabbi Kilimnick attended his funeral, even though he had never met my father and my family did not belong to Beth Sholom at the time. My family also greatly appreciated Rabbi Kilimnick's steadfast and overt support of Israel. Alicia LaMere

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I have been struggling with which story/ies to share about Rabbi Kilimnick. We laughed together, we cried together, we shared many stories and he offered me a lot of advice. In my time at the Shul office I have so many memories, it’s hard to pick just one or two. So instead I will share my thoughts. The people Rabbi Kilimnick knew and met in his life were witness to his kindness, sense of humor, generous spirit, empathetic soul, patient nature, and wisdom. I am thankful every day that I am blessed and lucky enough to be one of these people. I miss him greatly. All of these memories are blessings. Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick, ZT”L Lea Malek

I was thinking very hard how to say what is in my heart. I don’t find it comfortable to put it out in public. I will tell his children or family members my memories with the Rabbi when the occasion arrives. Here, I just want to say that he was not only the Rabbi of my Shul but more importantly a friend when I really needed one the most. For that I will be grateful forever. He is in my thoughts and prayers and will be missed. Lea Malek Camelia Marzouk I have known Rabbi Kilimnick for 42 years. Rabbi, Nechie and his children were like family to us. Our children grew up together at Beth Sholom. They were always a joy - he treated my kids like his own and over the years the friendship between our families continued to blossom

Rabbi Kilimnick was very special. He was my Rabbi, my brother and my friend. He always showed care and compassion for each individual. He was the anchor of our community - he was always honest and pleasant to talk with. He gave sound advice and his door was always open to others. He lived to serve his fellow man.

He worked tirelessly to keep our community and NCSY alive. I had the privilege of working alongside him for many community events. He was always instrumental in coordinating both shul and NCSY events. I learned so much from being with him and I followed his guidance and advice.

When my daughter got married in Brooklyn 30 years ago, he attended her wedding after preforming a wedding in our shul. He was also at my son’s wedding in Jerusalem almost 20 years ago. He arrived in Israel a few hours before the chuppah. He ran into an NCSY advisor and invited him to “his family” wedding. As usual, he spoke beautifully and in typical fashion kept mumbling under his breath, telling my son Dan “do not laugh do not smile”, but telling him jokes loud enough for him to hear. Rabbi Kilimnick was a friend, a mentor and part of our family. He will be sorely missed. May his soul Rest In Peace Shula Meyerowitz

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My late father, Rabbi Joseph Fogel and late mother Judy Fogel would visit us once a year from Israel. My father would go to Shacharit every morning. I would take him and he’d get a ride back from one of the congregants. My Dad and Rabbi Kilimnick formed a very warm and friendly relationship during the weeks of their visit, and my Dad would often come home with the latest joke that the Rabbi told him. On Shabbatot, Rabbi would invite my Dad to lein and also to conduct the Mussaf service, as my Dad had a beautiful voice and was an expert at leining. When Rabbi and Nechie went to Israel, they were often hosted for meals at my parents’ home in Netanya. Although they did not see each other often, the relationship between Rabbi and Nechie, and my parents, was a very warm and “heimish” one.

Esther Miller When the phone rang the greatest joy was hearing lovely Nechi's voice inviting me for a Shabbos or Yom Tov dinner. That was just the beginning. I knew I was in for not only delicious food but also being entertained by one who chose the Rabbinate over being a stand up comedian. He made the right choice. There isn't a comic in the world that could touch so many people in so people in the many ways that our Dear Beloved Rabbi did.

Michael Miller

One morning after Shacharit, I was sitting next to Rabbi having a morning Noah and the conversation turned to illness. I’m not sure why at how we entered into the topic, but Rabbi leaned in to tell me something. He started taking about Psalm 30, and how important it was to him. He spoke about when he was ill, how he would linger over the words that describe being saved from the Pit, and “what is to be gained from my death.” I didn’t know Rabbi very well, but this very personal moment demonstrated his love for life, and the innate way he had of connecting with people. He knew I was dealing with the death of my father and he attached himself to me in a way that I am forever grateful for.

Sandra Miller

My mom was at the Jewish Home. I would bring her to whatever Beth Sholom dinners as

possible in her wheelchair. Rabbi Shaya was walking around with remnants of Cholent from the

bottom of the pot. He made my mom feel so special coming right to her seat to personally

scoop some onto her plate. She was elated. A great moment for her. Naturally there are

countless other moments. Rabbi Shaya also did touching, while humorous and personal,

funerals for my grandmother and mother, along with my daughter’s Bas Mitzvah. Only

genuineness and love....

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Michael Miran

Reb Shaya's Favorite Prayer

One morning I was leaving the morning minyan at Beth Sholom. I was at the table at the end of

the small chapel. Reb Shaya was standing next to me. He saw the De Sola Pool Spanish and

Portuguese Synagogue prayer book in the brief case that I use to carry my tallit and tefillin. He

asked if he could see it. He said he was very familiar with it and had used it many times.

He opened the book to the beginning of the Morning prayers. He saw the prayer which is

included here. He smiled and was happy and he said, "This is my favorite prayer". He read it

aloud and kvelled about the beauty of HaShem giving us out souls and protecting them. I think

this truly reflected his spiritual practice and connection to HaShem.

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Chany Mochkin

12/2011. Old City, Jerusalem. What a nice surprise to "meet" Rabbi Kilimnick by surprise in the

Old City, while eating pizza when visiting my four children who were studying in Israel. Nothing

happens by "accident", it was Hashgacha Protis, made us feel right at home to see his smiling

face!

Marjorie and Ethan Montag I remember meeting with the Rabbi so Sarah could practice her D’var Torah with him in preparation for Shabbat. Well Sarah was very small and spoke very quietly. The Rabbi was so patient and encouraging giving her tips for how to project her voice. And then on the actual day she did great and was surprisingly loud. At Kiddush the Rabbi admitted to me that he was nervous after hearing her practice because she was SO quiet…he never let on before (thank you Rabbi) but his comment demonstrated to me how much he cared about each child and their success as they became a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

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Joel Morris

There are many things which occurred between Rabbi Kilimnick and me over the years I knew

him since his arrival in Rochester. However, I think one incident will highlight his great care and

concern for others - even people he didn’t know that well.

My father passed away in 1979. We were living in Harrisburg, Pa. at the time. However, I was

sitting Shiva with my mother at my parents’ home on Werner Park. Shortly before, Rabbi

Kilimnick had succeeded in making the local Dunkin Donuts store on Monroe Avenue Kosher.

(Actually, many people referred to him as “The Donuter Rebbe”!)

Although we didn’t know each other that well at the time - my family came to Rochester a few

times a year just to visit my parents - Rabbi Kilimnick took the time to come to our Shiva house

each day for the entire week with a fresh box of a dozen Dunkin Donuts! Although they didn’t

do much to help my waist line, I knew that this Rabbi was someone special. Although he didn’t

know me that well, and my mother was certainly not a big donut eater, he was caring enough

to want to do something to make my week of Shiva a little easier to get through. There aren’t

too many Rabbis who would take the time and trouble to do something like this!

When we moved to Rochester permanently in 1981, Rabbi Kilimnick and I became vast friends

(as well as dear Nechie, she should be well, and my wife, Malka). Over the next 25 years we

lived in Rochester, Rabbi Kilimnick and I shared too many experiences to even try to recount at

this time (some of which probably should not be).

My dear friend, Rabbi Kilimnick’s numerous accomplishments and acts of kindness, should be a

Bracha for all who knew him over the course of his all too short time in Olam Hazeh.

David Movsky

Bev and I have many wonderful memories of the Kilimnicks, as we moved to Rochester from New York City in the summer of 1979 and immediately joined Beth Sholom. Some of the highlights of our relationship:

• We bought our first house, 231 Varinna Drive, in October, 1979. Today, it is Rabbi Avi and Esti's house. I went up the block to see Rabbi Shaya, as he wanted to show me how his Sukkah was built out of doors and decorated with old lulavim from previous Yom Tovs. I was shocked to see he was wearing blue jeans and a flannel shirt, as I don't think I had ever seen a Rabbi wearing blue jeans!

• While I served my first term as President from 1992 to 1994, I had the opportunity to sit next to Rabbi Shaya on the Bima every Shabbat and Yom Tov. Sometimes he would share insights about the Parsha with me. Often, he would be shuffling through his

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notes, trying to organize them for his Drash/Sermon. If he was given the Aliyah of Levi, he would complain that he would lose time for the organization of his Sermon. Once his name was called for his Aliyah however, there was nothing he could do.

• The empty lot in front of the Nursing Home and next to Beth Sholom used to contain a 3-story white house, which had 5 apartments and belonged to the Shul. Prior to my Presidency, the apartments had become outdated, and as they were vacated, we did not re-rent them. Many Board Meetings were spent trying to decide whether to spend $60,000 to renovate and re-rent the apartments or to tear down the house and add a parking lot. We ended up selling the property to the Nursing Home for $135,000, which helped us avoid a deficit in our budget. At the Purim Dinner that year, Rabbi Shaya made a humorous slide presentation showing major parking lots around the United States (Disneyland and Baseball Parks). He also showed a slide of the Shul Board during the discussions, which was actually a picture of the Seven Dwarfs. Rabbi was poking fun at the Board for all the time spent on deliberations, and I was not amused at the time. Today, it's one of my fondest memories, as it shows his wonderful sense of humor. (Unfortunately, before the Nursing Home had a chance to renovate the building for office space, some squatters moved in and the house suffered a fire and had to be demolished).

• Rabbi officiated at our daughters' Bat Mitzvahs and participated in their weddings. He also officiated at the funerals of most of our parents, who are all buried at Britton Road Cemetery. During my several hospitalizations in 2014, following a fall on black ice and suffering a broken arm and leg, he was a frequent visitor to me in the hospital and the Jewish Home, as was Rabbi Avi. Their presence and their words of comfort greatly helped with my recovery.

• Last November, Bev and I were in Teaneck with our daughter, Rebeccah and family, helping them settle into their new home. They live around the corner from Shiffy and Laurie Kilimnick. On Sunday evening, my son-in-law, Maurice, and I went to Arzei Darom for Mincha/Ma'ariv, as I had Yahrzeit for my mother. Rabbi Shaya was there with Shiffy and several of his sons, and we all had a lovely visit after davening. On Monday morning, 11/18, I davened at Beth Aaron, and again saw Rabbi Kilimnick. He was very excited to tell me that Esti was in labor. During Torah Reading, he gave me the high sign, and told me she gave birth to a boy. We had a nice hug! It was very special to spend that moment and that event with him.

• Rabbi always told me and others that "if there is someplace you have to be, make sure you're there." I interpreted this to mean visiting people who are ill or in a facility, making a Shiva call, attending Minyan, etc. When my sister passed away suddenly at the end of April, he called and said he wanted to come by the house for a Shiva call. I told him I wasn't having anyone come to the house for Shiva, but that I would be sitting outside if the weather was conducive. The day he called, it was raining, but the next day was supposed to be sunny and mild, and he said he would come over. We knew he had been having liver problems in March, so when he didn't stop by the house the next day, we were concerned. We later found out that he had gone into the hospital. I think this must have been the last time I had a conversation with Rabbi Shaya. We will miss him forever.

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Bev Movsky

Rayim David and I had just moved to Rochester in 1979. A year later, Rabbi K asked Linda Newman and me to start Rayim - a group of young adults aged 40 and younger. If you were already a grandparent, you did not qualify to join. We had picnics, a kumsitz or 2 (Rabbi was the highlight playing the piano or guitar) and game nights. Walter and Trudy Rosenthal, and Mort and Chana Isaacs were not happy - they missed the cutoff age and status! Rabbi certainly brought people together with his joie de vivre. We, the Kilimnicks, the Bergers, the Dobkowskis, and the Rosenbaums, were all in our late 20's or early 30's at this time. I almost electrocuted Rabbi! We had just moved into our house on Winton in 1988, and he came over to advise me on how to kasher the kitchen. There was some kind of toaster or broiler built in the wall and he was trying to figure it out, stuck his finger in and was zapped!!! He blamed me for his white hair. Mashed potatoes and NCSY. Our daughter, Rebeccah, loves potatoes and every NCSY meeting and convention Rabbi made sure that there was some for her - even when she came as an advisor. He sometimes told her to bring the leftovers home!!! As if I never made them for her.... food and feeding others was very important to Rabbi.

Newman Family

Rabbi Shaya embraced our family with such open arms. He helped us enjoy life like other families. First helping Lisa to have a Bat Mitzvah and then helping Michael to have a Bar Mitzvah. The love Rabbi had for Michael formed a very special bond. We will all miss him very much. Lynda, Lisa & Michael Newman

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Donald Onimus

We were on the solidarity mission to Israel that left on 9/9/2001 with Rabbi Kilimnick and

Nechie and were there on 9/11. My favorite memory of Shaya is from the old terminal of the

Ben Gurion Airport when we were waiting to return home. After rushing to the airport because

we were told we would be able to leave, we were stuck on a ground hold for hours because of

events in the U.S. I remember him entertaining our contingent with songs, stories and stand up

while we waited to board and depart. He really helped lighten our moods during an

unbelievably stressful time.

Yocheved Prack

The following is a letter I wrote to Rabbi Kilimnick which Dovid read to his father a couple days before he was niftar:

Yossi and I both felt that being able to visit with you and Nechie (as difficult as that was for me) last summer on our trip to the US was the most important thing we did during those 3 weeks. Especially since it was together with Becca and Peggy, a real Little Rock reunion.

Rabbi, remember the first NCSY regional convention you took us to in Birmingham? I was 14 years old and it was the first full-fledged Shabbos of my life. Remember how you drove us down in the Gordon's station wagon and how we got stuck in the mud? That Shabbos opened a whole new world to me. It gave me a Jewish identity to realize that there were other Jewish kids out there in the world.

And the singing and dancing.........

Remember the regional convention in Jacksonville? You stayed up all night long in one of the hotel rooms with a group of us, singing and playing your guitar and telling us about Eretz Yisroel. You planted the desire in my heart to go to Eretz Yisroel.

Remember how we kids would come (drive) to shul Shabbos morning and then go home with you to eat and spend the rest of the day with you and Nechie. Then Motzei Shabbos we would stick around and watch Saturday Night Live and nosh and nosh and nosh.

Even when you moved to Rochester and we kids went to Touro, we came to you for Rosh Hashana and other times. I remember one Rosh Hashana night we kept you up in deep discussion till very late at night and then you had to lead the shul bright and early the next morning. I felt bad about that.

Seeing you and Nechie many times in Israel has been so special for me. I always wanted to have you both come to "my" house for Shabbos, but I could never tear you all away from the Kotel, or of course from Tzippora's house when they made aliya.

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Well, back to Little Rock, Rabbi you know that there was so much stuff you helped me go through in order to get to where I am today. And I think that you also know how much I appreciate it all.

Love,

Yocheved (i.e. Janet)

Gerri Robins

My family moved to Rochester in 1989, from a small town 60 miles south of Rochester. Of course, we were originally from downstate, NY and NJ. My husband at the time, had just finished his residency, and had great difficulty trying to establish himself in the NY/NJ area. He had an opportunity to buy an ophthalmology practice upstate. He was a Yeshiva University graduate, and I was a young frum Bronx girl. Despite having only a smattering of Jews in Hornell, there was a fairly nice little shul there. We had just had a little girl, and the plan was to stay approximately five years and then move to Rochester, where we knew there was a vibrant Jewish community. Well, the practice flourished, and five years turned into eleven. In that time, though trying to stay connected to our Judaism, it was a monumental task. I’m sad to say, our commitment was faltering. By that time, we had two children, Heather and Eric. We knew our kids needed a Jewish environment, and moved to Rochester, even though Allan traveled back and forth to Hornell for a time, until he established himself here. Since we were not as frum as we were before moving to Hornell, the family we bought our house from, who went to Temple Beth El, suggested we attend their services. Upon moving to Parkwood Avenue, a little girl from down the block showed up on our doorstep one morning, and said she lived down the block, and would like to introduce herself to Heather. Heather and Dana Gruber have been best friends since that day! Her dad, Barry Gruber, invited us for a Shabbos meal, and the rest is Beth Sholom history. He told us to walk with him to Beth Sholom, and we never did get to Beth El.

Rabbi and Nechie became our best friends, as well as our spiritual advisors. We decided to send Eric to Hillel School, even though he was in second grade, and really knew no Hebrew at the time. I, of course, was nervous, but I needn’t have been. The first person to welcome my son into the class, was Avi Kilimnick! They became best friends immediately, and Nechie and I, the same. Rabbi Shaya and his beautiful family reconnected my family to our Judaism, and I remember Eric asking me in Tops one day, if I could get him tzizit to wear. Wow, was my mom happy!

Heather had her Bat Mitzvah one year later, with Rabbi leading the festivities. Three years later, at Eric’s Bar Mitzvah, he held him on his shoulders. He officiated at Heather’s wedding, and would have been at Eric’s, if not for the fact that he was married in Israel, which pleased the Rabbi to no end. My mom became ill while in Rochester, and wound up staying here for the

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last two years of her life. She continued to walk to shul with me, as long as she could, and Rabbi Shaya knew her well. He always reminded me of her book of lovingly used Tehillim, which was at her bedside in the hospital. When she was niftar, in 2008, he spoke beautifully at her levaya. He performed the bris of each of my grandsons, here in Rochester, and a beautiful Pidyon HaBen for the first, Itai. I was so happy he was able to see Itai become a Bar Mitzvah, even on zoom. I remember seeing his smiling face on the screen.

I don’t have any funny stories about my time with Reb Shaya, but the fact that I became that frum girl from the Bronx again, was all due to the influence and love that I received from him and my dear friend Nechie, may she have a complete Refuah. I will always cherish the times we spent together, the many Shabbos meals, and the love he always showed my family. He was there in good times and bad, always with a smile. I will miss you, my dear friend, but will always be grateful for your guidance and warmth. May your neshama have an Aliyah.

Rabbi Nathan H. Rose

The news of Shaya's passing was a great shock. As a Rabbi working both for a congregation and for hospice, I have to do many funerals and a lot of bereavement counseling. When speaking to families I ask them to tell me the little things about the person they remember. Sure everyone wants to mention the big accomplishments, but it is the little things, the things that make you smile, that tell you who a person really is. I worked with Shaya for 16 years as the Principal of Midrasha, the Community Hebrew High School. I guess I could say I was his boss, but let's be realistic. Shaya always managed to teach what he wanted to teach, not what my curriculum said he should teach. I never argued with him about it as I knew he would do what he did well and was a great influence on the kids. The truth is that Shaya and Henry Hyman were the two most popular teachers in Midrasha, but Shaya had the advantage. An advantage that can be summed up in one word .... .DONUTS! Every Sunday morning Shaya came to Midrasha straight from Minyan and on the way stopped to get the not so fresh, ready to be thrown out donuts from Dunkin/Brighton donuts, and the kids loved it. Shaya and those donuts taught a lot of Torah! As a member of the Rochester Board of Rabbis, a meeting without Shaya was not a meeting! That was for two reasons: 1. Shaya always had some issue or item he wanted passionately to talk about 2. After the Jewish Home was built on Winton Rd in Brighton, Shaya showed up at every meeting with leftovers from whatever the home served the day before (or 2-3 days before). I remember times he called for an extra last-minute meeting of the Board of Rabbis just because he had food he wanted to get rid of. Who needed a meeting agenda? And this too is part of Shaya' legacy. Sharing, caring, and doing what he could to make others feel good, because when he made others feel good, Shaya fulfilled his purpose and he felt good. May our memories of him make us smile and be a blessing.

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Rosenbaum Family Dear Mishpachat Kilimnick:

Over the last 4 weeks, I have tried to put down in writing the impact your father had on my family and me. It has been a challenge, to the say the least, because of the sheer dedication to and love he had for my family.

When I think back on our relatively short, but intense friendship, things don’t add up. It makes no sense to me that a Rabbi I met only briefly in 1994, but then didn’t really reconnect with until 2006, could have had such a massive effect on the Rosenbaum family. It seems impossible that in less than 15 years, we became so tethered to Rabbi & Nechie and his children and the influence he had on our lives. There are just so many ways in which we would have been much lesser people without the Rabbi, your mom and all of you.

Would Jacob have gone to Yeshiva for a gap year in Israel, ultimately make Aliyah, join the IDF, go to Hebrew University and make a life for himself in Israel? I sincerely doubt he would have done any or all of those things without Rabbi being by his side. It certainly wasn’t our plan when we had him. He absolutely cherished learning with Rabbi and looked forward to seeing him during Rabbi’s many trips to Israel. They had a special relationship and I loved how much Rabbi cared for Jacob. When Jake was injured in the IDF, Rabbi was beside himself and would call us practically daily to check on him. It really showed us the bond they had and how highly Rabbi thought of our son.

Would Maddy have raised her level of observance without the positive influence of Rabbi? Doubtful. In addition to his encouragement for her to maximize her learning, she and he developed a bond when she went on her Hillel School 8th grade trip with Rabbi and your mom. They shared a similar sense of humor and he showed her the positives of being an observant Jew. She wasn’t sure about doing a gap year in Israel, but Rabbi was instrumental in getting her comfortable with the idea. Gap years were never done by the Rosenbaums. We went straight to college from high school - having known absolutely nothing about the opportunities a Torah life could provide, or that gap years in Israel were even a thing. Maddy’s spirituality is tied tightly to teachings from Rabbi Kilimnick. When she met Adam, her fiance, she made sure to introduce him to Rabbi to get his approval. His blessing meant a lot to her.

Rabbi’s continuous encouragement to learn about, go to and support Israel is ingrained in Lily. Although she was very shy as a kid, she thought your dad was hilarious. She and Ben were always excited to come to Rabbi & Nechie’s for Shabbos lunch. She gravitated towards your mom, but Rabbi was always in the background when Lily learned with Nechie. She felt very much at home and part of the family. Her dedication to being observant is tied tightly to teachings from your mom and dad.

Ben had the least amount of time to get to know Rabbi as well as the other kids did. He never learned with him, but they shared a sense of humor and Ben revered him. When your dad first fell ill, before we left for Israel for Ben’s Bar Mitzvah, he asked to see Rabbi to tell him what he’d be doing, talk about the parsha and get a blessing from him. I cherish that picture of Rabbi blessing Ben.

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As for Hopey & me, we know his influence was life changing for us - not only because of our kids - but because how he changed us as Jews. Neither of us grew up in an observant family - me even less so. Truly - one of my regrets is that I didn’t get to know Rabbi sooner so I could have led a more complete observant life during my formative years. He taught us so many positives about our faith, Kashrut and davening - things that were second nature to you guys, but not to us. From the 1980’s to 2008, we went to Israel exactly zero times. Between 2008 - 2020 we have traveled to Israel fifteen times. Your dad had everything to do with that. I absolutely loved seeing him in Israel because he was so in his element and we had such memorable times there.

Having sat beside him at shule for five years, was one of the big honors of my life. His advice and teachings stay with me to this day. And this is just my family! I cannot imagine his impact on other Jews - and non-Jews - the world over. Very few Heads of State have had such an influence on so many people. I miss him. I also know how much he loved and was proud of all of you. He would tell me certain things about each of you and how happy you had made him and your mom.

I have met many notable people in my life. Your father stood head and shoulders above just about every one of them. You are his legacy. You were all blessed and so were we.

Love, Matt, Hope, Jacob, Madeline, Lily & Ben

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Mike Rosenhouse

Rabbi Kilimnick was not only welcoming but inspiring when I first attended services and became

a Beth Sholom member, in Baal T'shuva mode, for a few years in the mid-1980s, and equally

welcoming when I came back this past year for shacharit and occasionally on Shabbos

morning. We hit it off immediately at minyan breakfast and joked about whether we might be

related. He was always upbeat and positive. I loved hearing him speak and seeing him dance at

Night to Honor Israel, and his hearty "ya-asher ko'ach" for me at our Shavuos zoom study

session will stay with me and support me in greater Yiddishkeit. The world needs more like

him. I will miss him.

Michele & Jonathan Sadik

Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick was a mensch of the highest order, selflessly giving of himself and always modeling true Ahavat Yisrael. Whenever we needed him, Rabbi Kilimnick was there for our family.

When Jonathan’s Grandfather passed away, we were still members of Temple Beth El, so we asked Rabbi Matt Field to conduct the funeral. When Rabbi Kilimnick heard, he asked us where and when the funeral was going to be; he said he would be there. He arrived at the cemetery in Buffalo and asked Rabbi Field how he could help. They quickly worked out their roles to conduct the funeral service together. Rabbi Field led the service and Rabbi Kilimnick was the Chazan. His powerful voice added significantly to the solemnity of the occasion, as well as providing a bit of warmth to that bitter, winter day in Buffalo. The fact that Rabbi Kilimnick came, and participated, was special enough, but that he so humbly deferred to his much younger colleague, a Conservative Rabbi, was a striking example of how treat others…with kindness, sensitivity, thoughtfulness, and respect.

On another occasion, we approached Rabbi Kilimnick about working with us on a personal matter and he responded in the most pragmatic (and least dogmatic) way we could have ever imagined from an Orthodox Rabbi. He agreed to work with us, even though we were still active members at TBE. He brought us close to him, embraced us, and slowly guided us down the path we walk today. We don’t know where we’d be without him.

That was Rabbi Kilimnick…whenever there was a Jew in need, he didn’t care who you were or how you got there, if there was anything he could do to help, he would be there to lend his hand. The world has lost a great man; our community and our family has lost a great Rabbi and a dear friend.

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Ed Sassman

Last Chanukah we gave the Rabbi a book chronicling the history of baseball in Brooklyn. He said

he couldn’t wait to read it. I asked him later if he enjoyed it. He said, “I will, when David gives it

back.” He was like that. He put everyone else first.

Jeremy Schnittman

Shortly after Nomi and I were married, we were visiting my parents in Rochester around Chanukah time. I was so excited to show her our shul and community on Shabbos for the first time, even in the middle of a good upstate winter. Of course, the Rabbi and Rebbetzin jumped at the opportunity to have us over for Shabbos lunch, a table at which I had been a frequent guest during my formative college summers in town. Coming from a much larger Jewish community where the rabbinic figures were rather more imposing and intimidating, Nomi was somewhat apprehensive about going to The Rabbi's House. This apprehension turned to near panic when we discovered in shul that we would be the only guests. I tried to reassure her that they were very warm and friendly and down-to-earth and lunch would not be awkward. On our way out of shul, we were joined by one of Yosef's children [whoever was about 6 years old in 2004?], who similarly jumped at the chance for a special Shabbos lunch with his doting grandparents, and his new favorite toy, a stuffed Rudolph the reindeer whom he named "Reiny" and the Rabbi suggested was maybe a moose instead. As I had promised, lunch was lovely and so warm and comfortable for Nomi. The classic Rebbetzin cooking was on full display, despite just being five of us. Chopped liver with egg salad, chicken, chulent, the works. A typical six-year-old, the Rabbi's grandson was very picky and didn't want any of the main dishes. Happy to indulge any desire just to get him fed, the Rebbetzin gave him exactly what he asked for: a challah sandwich with mayonnaise, horseradish, and soup nuts. Not being a parent myself at the time, I was mildly horrified by this creation. And yet, sure enough, he happily munched away until he had finished the entire sandwich, cheerfully joining the conversation with more discussion about Reiny the Moose. Even the zemiros were wonderful, despite my wife's modesty about singing in public and my complete inability to carry a tune. No problem; the Rabbi gladly carried us along and made us feel absolutely at home.

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Michael and Suzanne Schnittman

Who would ever imagine that a Catholic woman and a Reform Jewish man would consider an Orthodox rabbi “our rabbi.” That is the fortunate gift we received when we met Rabbi Kilimnick in 1995. Our son, Jeremy, was raised in the Reform tradition, but after two months at college, he wrote us a rather shocking letter. He announced that he had grown to love Orthodox Judaism and wanted to “convert,” something necessary before the Orthodox community would consider him Jewish. After meeting with a few rabbis at his college to discuss the process and our role, we felt daunted. We felt misunderstood.

We needed a loving, gentle, and understanding advisor. We had known Rabbi Kilimnick already, so asked him to meet with all three of us when Jeremy came home for Thanksgiving. Reb Shaya spoke to us about the reality of this decision, the privilege and the challenges. He directed most of his thoughts directly to Jeremy. “Do you feel Jewish?” we recall him asking. We held our breaths for our son’s answer, an adamant “Yes.” Then, “Do you understand the huge responsibility you are assuming in this decision?” Again, an adamant, “Yes.” The rest of the hour we talked about the steps Jeremy would have to take over the next two years to achieve his goal…the steps we all would have to take.

We began to attend Beth Sholom for Shabbat services as a family whenever Jeremy was at home. Suzanne found a welcoming seat, one she continues to fill, in the women’s section, whenever she attends today. Michael found his own seat, side by side with his son, who taught him the Orthodox prayers. We added Beth Sholom to our congregations, along with St. Mary’s Catholic Church and Temple Sinai. In many respects it was the most welcoming of all. This can be attributed to one person who we came to know and love, Reb Shaya.

Jeremy studied diligently for his conversion, waiting almost two years before he was counted in his college minyan. He completed one daunting step in Boston, where he sat before a board of three rabbis to be tested on his dogma. The next step was pure joy in comparison. Reb Shaya took our son as his own, arranging the bris and mikva and asking two other rabbis to join in the ceremony.

On a cold December day, meaningful to Suzanne because it was two days before Christmas, we three met at the mikva with the rabbis. Reb Shaya did the honors. When Jeremy and he emerged from the bris, our son looked like a new man and our rabbi was beaming. We all raised a glass of wine and Reb Shaya hugged Suzanne, saying, “Thank you for the great gift of your son.” She never thinks of that day without shedding a few tears.

From that day on, because of Reb Shaya, converting our house to make it kosher enough for Jeremy was easy. “Our rabbi” had an easy way, teaching us by example, generously inviting us to ask questions and trying to answer the best he could.

Over the years that followed, we became more and more involved with the shul and Reb Shaya and Nechie always welcomed us with a big smile and hugs. When Jeremy and Nomi decided to marry, Reb Shaya met with us to literally give us a tutorial on Orthodox Marriage. He agreed to officiate at the wedding in Baltimore, on Thanksgiving weekend in 2003. He and Nechie

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didn't hesitate a moment and flew down to Baltimore to join us in the simcha. His love for Jeremy and the commitment that he made to become observant extended to our interfaith marriage.

He always made a special point to recognize Jeremy – and our family – as a unique family. Like he did so often, he made us one of his stories. But we never tired of hearing it.

After Michael’s mother died in 2011, Reb Shaya and Nechie knocked on our door, the afternoon before the shiva. I was startled. “It’s always shiva during these days,” he said to us. They came and sat, comforting us as if they had lost their own mother, acting as if ours was the most important loss they had ever shared. Michael started going to daily minyan from that time and has been a "regular" participant ever since, Beth Sholom becoming part of his daily routine. The breakfast after minyan with Reb Shaya sitting at the head of the table was almost as important as the service. He and Reb Shaya would swap stories of Brooklyn and Staten Island (where Michael grew up) and also tried to outdo each other in telling jokes, some of which were not appropriate for younger ears or mixed company. Whenever I started a joke or anecdote he would break into a big smile and ended up telling the punch line. I tried to restrain myself from doing the same when he told the same joke a few weeks later. At Federation dinners, Michael came with a flask of Scotch, not being interested in the chosen wine, from which he always poured the rabbi a drink.

On one of their last trips to Israel, Reb Shaya and Nechie were staying close to a house we rented. “Suzanne, Suzanne,” he called out across the street one Shabbat morning when Suzanne was walking to meet Michael after services. “I thought that was you!” Michael joined them and we all strolled to their apartment. “Look who I found on the street,” he called to Nechie. She greeted us like her beloved children. There we had the most memorable kiddish ever. The only missing person was Jeremy, who brought us to this amazing man. He enriched our interfaith family and appreciation of Judaism immeasurably. He was a presence in our lives we will miss more than words can express.

If we feel this way, we cannot imagine how his children and grandchildren feel. We hold them in our hearts and thank them for sharing “our rabbi” with him.

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Steven Schwartz

I can remember whispering the words of the Sh'moneh Esrei in the small sanctuary of Beth

Sholom, which is also called the chapel. I can remember doing this repeatedly over many years.

I can specifically remember certain people who have been part of that. I can remember Yale

Potter's tall form standing at the front right-hand corner of the room on those days when he

was the ba'al tefillah. I can remember Mr. Zelig Friedman standing nearby, saying the words in

a pained hush. And I can remember watching Rabbi Kilimnick, standing alone at the opposite

front corner, his tallis elegantly draped over his head and flowing down his back, the thick

fingers of his right hand spread wide, silently touching the dark wall before him.

Seigel (Schafer) Family:

During the 15 years that my father, Sam Schafer lived with us, the team of shule members and family members walking to shule with him would sometimes falter. Into the breach would come Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick. When he would arrive ready to walk with Sam, a smile would light up his face. His eyes would twinkle. He would tell us, “Sam is pulling me along. What a guy” Rabbi Shaya would do this mitzvah with a glad and open heart every time. We will miss Rabbi Shaya like a father. With love and sympathy, Robert and Harriet Seigel

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Michah Segelman

Rabbi Kilimnick was very kind to me over the years. One story stands out. Back in 2014, Anat Hoffman was invited as a guest speaker by the Federation to Rochester. This was part of an effort to change the religious status quo at the Kosel and I, along with several others, felt it was important that the community hear another perspective on this issue. Rabbi Kilimnick was instrumental in supporting our efforts, providing advice, moral and financial support, and allowing us to use the shul for the event. We hosted Leah Aharoni in Beth Sholom and the event was well attended and successful. The event could not have happened without the support of a small group of people and Rabbi Kilimnick was among the most important. I was moved by the trust he placed in me and I remember the way he embraced me after the event - it was extremely special to me. May the Kilimnick family be comforted and continue to dedicate themselves so beautifully to the Jewish community.

Martha Shaftel

Dear Rabbi Avi and Kilimnick family,

Rabbi Shaya Kilimnick, z”l, was a rock in the foundation of my family’s life. We first met at CBS

nursery school. My son Marcus and your sister Cypora are the same age. Their nursery school

abruptly closed with the horrible loss of Morah Elkie Safier’s teenage son who died suddenly at

Brighton High School from a congenital heart disease. Rabbi arranged a meeting stressing that

all of us should try to do a mitzvah in memory of this 14 year old boy rather than focusing on

the sadness. Many attending were working parents who depended on half a day’s care for their

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children. Temple Beth El had the only other shul nursery school but they required family

membership in order to enroll our children. We couldn’t afford two shul memberships and

would, therefore, have to give up our CBS membership. He answered that the most important

factor was keeping our children in a Jewish school and he understood.

Next thing that comes to mind was Midrasha High School held at Temple Beth El. Rabbi

Kilimnicks’s classes were a favorite of many, especially our son Marcus. The exposure to NCSY

and Rabbi’s obvious support and love for Eretz, Torah, Seniors and Youth was contagious. His

students’ shul affiliation or lack of it was no concern to Reb Shaya. One motzi Shabbat there

was an NCSY event going on at CBS. Rabbi led the ruach as only he did. Everyone sang with

him while boys danced around him and it was heart expanding for the parents there helping

out with set up and preparing dinner and snacks. At some point, Rabbi told an adult he wasn’t

feeling well and they got him home.

The next morning at Midrasha class on kashrut (Marcus still remembers the subject) Rabbi was

there but said he must leave and he went to the office. The kids feared a heart attack when

they were dismissed. My son waited hours and hours at home for word of his beloved Rabbi’s

health.

Marcus’ wedding to his basherit, Nora Gordon, was eight years later and the kids insisted it be

at CBS Rochester with their Reb Shaya officiating in spite of the fact that they were living in

Austin, Texas and Nora’s family was all in Pennsylvania. It was three weeks before their

wedding. I got a call from CBS office to inform us that due to heavy rains, the social hall ceiling

was crumbling and the air conditioning was ruined. Temps in the 90’s were predicted. We had

to find another venue. My house was in chaos with a chusan and kallah most upset in Texas.

Temple Beth El refused us their facility as we weren’t members.

Rabbi Kilimnick called the Hyatt International downtown, the Vad of Chicago to kasher their

kitchen. The Vad required even the wedding cake be made on premises under their

supervision. New invitations went out, car pools were formed. Rabbi got a mashgiach and

oversaw all. Under the chuppa, Rabbi spoke about the wedding bands being used which

Marcus bought from his Bubby. She and his Zaide, z”l, wore them since their chassina after

liberation from Aushwitz in 1945. Those rings were next worn by my older brother in 1968 and

Myles and I at our wedding in 1970. There were few dry eyes in the room.

Reb Shaya was right there with us singing as only he could, dancing with Myles, my four

brothers and our sons as FAMILY while your beautiful Mom led the women in line dancing. It

was glorious and memorable!

At the Grandparents’ picnic under a big tent at the Jewish Home of Rochester, your Abba

reached out to each and every one he could. This picture is of Myles’ Mom Gertrude, z”l, 90

years old who also loved our dear Rabbi who made her feel special by always taking time to

stop by and give her a warm hug. The residents loved his visits, si