things that matter most.. if this is jody vandrimmelen so ...€¦ · “the things that matter...

2/27/2013

1

If this is

a good

idea…

why is it

so hard? Jody VanDrimmelen, LMSW

Things that matter most..

Jody VanDrimmelen Free powerpoint template: www.favorideas.com 2

Free powerpoint template: www.favorideas.com 3 Free powerpoint template: www.favorideas.com 4

Free powerpoint template: www.favorideas.com 5

Perfect

Family


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Free powerpoint template: www.favorideas.com 7 Free powerpoint template: www.favorideas.com 8

Aubrey 4 yrs old

Jeff 2 years old

Randi 7 months

Christmas 1978


Elder Uchdorf


“In the end, happiness

does not spring from

perfection but from

applying divine

principles, even

in small steps.”

President Gordon B. Hinckley

Free powerpoint template: www.favorideas.com 11Family

“Families are falling

apart all over the world.

The old ties that bound

together father and

mother and children are

breaking everywhere.

Hearts are broken:

children weep.” SF pg 1

The

World

philosophy


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THE FAMILY PROCLAMATION

13

“Husband and wife

have a solemn

responsibility to love

and care for each

other.”

Boyd K. Packer


“No relationship has more

potential to exalt a man and

a woman than the marriage

covenant. No obligation in

society or in the Church

supersedes it in

importance.” Ensign,

May 1981, 15

James E. Faust –

Reasons for divorce

15

“Among then are ..

Selfishness, immaturity

lack of commitment,

inadequate

communication,

unfaithfulness, and all of

the rest, which are

obvious and well known…. Free powerpoint template: www.favorideas.com 16

“… In my experience there is

another reason which seems not so

obvious. It is the lack of a constant

enrichment in marriage.

It is an absence of that

something extra which

makes it precious, special

and wonderful, when it is

also drudgery, difficult ad

dull.”

Family Proclamation

• “Children are an heritage of the Lord.”

Parents have a sacred duty to rear their

children in love and righteousness, to provide

for their physical and spiritual needs, and to

teach them to love and serve one another,

observe the commandments of God,

and be law-abiding citizens wherever

they live. Husbands and wives—

mothers and fathers—will be held

accountable before God for the

discharge of these obligations.”


"Above all else, children

need to know and feel

they are loved, wanted,

and appreciated. They

need to be assured of

that often. Obviously,

this is a role parents

should fill, and most

often the mother can do

it best."

"Salvation--A Family Affair," Ensign,

July 1992, 4

President Ezra Taft Benson


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How much attention

have you given to

your relationships

this past week?

19


“During courtship, couples often spend

much time together. They focus on their

relationship and seek to fulfill each

others needs. They often express

affection by showing kindness and

respect, being generous sharing goals

and values, spending time together,

giving compliments, talking and

listening, giving gifts, remembering

special occasions, and sending love

notes, letter and cards.” TSM PG 55

President Spencer W. Kimball


Love … cannot be expected to last

forever unless it is continually fed

with portions of love, the

manifestation of esteem and

admiration, the expressions of

gratitude, and the consideration

of unselfishness.”

Marriage and Divorce, 23

Elder Marlin K. Jensen


“Enticing voices will speak to us of

worldly achievements and acquisitions

that may lead us on dangerous detours

from which we can return only with

great effort. Small , seemingly,

insignificant choices along the

way will have large consequences

that will determine our

eventual destiny.”

“A Union of Love and Understanding” Ensign, Oct 1994, 50


The following Principles will help you to enrich your family…..


Center your marriage in the

Gospel of Jesus Christ

Have fun together

Take time for each other

Talk frequently and positively

Perform acts of kindness

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Johann Wolfgang Goethe


“The things that

matter most must

not be at the mercy

of the things that

matter least.” –

Russell M. Ballard


“If marriage [family] is a

prime relationship in life, it

deserves prime time! Yet less

important appointments are

often given priority, leaving

only leftover moments for

listening to precious

partners.”

Time for

each other

President Hinckley


“Together with your family,

determine how much time you will

spend with them and when. And

then stick to it. Try not to let

anything interfere. Consider it

sacred. Consider it binding.

Consider it an earned time of

enjoyment.”

Worldwide Leadership Meeting, June 2003, 22-23.

Time for

each other Talk frequently and Positively

28

Positive (+) vs Negative (-) Communication

Beginning Marriage- “Honeymoon stage”

+++++++++++++++++++++++----

+++++++++++++++++----------------

++++++++++++-------------------

++++----------------------------

++++-------

+++++++++++-------

Talk to

each other

Magic Ratio

29

5 to 1 Positive to Negative

Talk to

each other

“Happy Couples were much more

positive each other”

30

Showing interest in what their spouse had to say

Being affectionate though acts of tenderness, holding hands and expressing love

Showing they cared though small acts of thoughtfulness, occasional gifts, and telephone calls.

Showing appreciation by expressing thanks, giving compliments, and expressing pride in their spouse.

Talk to

each other

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Showing concern when their spouse was

troubled.

Being empathetic, showing they understood

and felt what their spouse was feeling.

Being accepting, letting their spouse

know that they accepted and

respected hat she or he said, even

when they disagreed with it.

Sharing joy when excited or

delighted.

John Gottman “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail” pg 57

Skills to help improve communication

32

Ask Questions

Invite the

conversation to

begin

Skills to help improve

communication

33

Listen Actively • Body Language

• Rephrase

• Do not interject your own

biases to make a point.

• Accept the other person’s

thought and feelings… don’t

criticize or judge them.

Skills to help improve

communication

34

Share intentions “I want you to know that I love you

and value our relationship. There

is a problem we need to discuss.

I want us to resolved the

problem so we will continue

to feel close to each other

and feel good about

each other.”


35

Use “I” Statements “I feel angry”… instead of “You make me angry” “I feel upset when the dishes are left in the sink and

not put into the dishwasher”… instead of “You are so lazy”

“I” statements share personal feelings and give reasons for them.

“You” statements convey judgment, place blame are negative & often give distorted information.


36

Speak non defensively

and agree with the truth

“When you take responsibility for

mistakes, you can calm arguments

and increase your credibility.

If you deny the truth, you often

intensify problems and

appear weak and guilty.”

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37

Clearly state preferences “Un-communicated expectations can

hamper a relationship for years. When

expectations are not met, individuals often

feel disappointed, frustrated, and angry,

even if they have not expressed their

desires or expectations. Eventually

they may become disillusioned

with the relationship.”

Susan Page, The Eight Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive, 152.

38

•Words of Affirmation •Quality Time •Receiving Gifts •Acts of Service •Physical Touch

Acts of Kindness

The Five Love Languages

39

I feel especially loved when people express how grateful they are for me, and for the simple, everyday things I do.

I feel especially loved when a person gives me undivided attention and spends time alone with me.

I feel especially loved by someone who brings me gifts and other tangible expressions of love.

I feel especially loved when someone pitches in to help me, perhaps by running errands or taking on my

household chores. I feel especially loved when a person expresses feelings

for me though physical contact.


• The 5 Love Languages® • WHO? ________________________

• WHAT?- The Five Love Languages.. find out which

one is that persons love language by experimentation!

• HOW? What can you do in each area …Specifically….

• WHEN? Specifically you will try this.

• RECORD the response

• Compare and evaluate the responses…

• see which one has the best response

• from your family member!

• Keep working to speak their love

• so they know how important they are to you !

Words of Affirmation


Actions don’t always speak louder than words.

If this is your love language, unsolicited

compliments mean the world to you.

Hearing the words, “I love you,” are

important—hearing the reasons behind that

love sends your spirits skyward.

Insults can leave you shattered

and are not easily forgotten.

Ideas?

When?

Response?


42

Give Honest Praise

“Reminding your partner (and

yourself !) that you really admire him

or her is likely to have a powerful,

positive effect on the rest of your

conversation.”

John Gottman, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, pg 196

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“The courtship that occurs before marriage is

even more essential afterward. Husband and

wives help each other address life’s challenges

when they show genuine respect, kindness and

affection for each other. …

Continued acts of kindness and

expressions of love create strong,

enduring bonds between husbands

and wives.”

TCM pg 61

L. Tom Perry • "In a world of turmoil and uncertainty, it is

more important than ever to make our families

the center of our lives and the top of our

priorities. . . .

• "We need to make our homes a place of refuge

from the storm, which is increasing in

• intensity all about us. Even if the

• smallest openings are left unattended,

• negative influences can penetrate

• the very walls of our homes." • "The Importance of the Family," Ensign, May 2003, 40


45 Free powerpoint template: www.favorideas.com 46

“Diligently doing the

things that matter

most will lead us to

the Savior of the

world.”

Elder Uchdorf Free powerpoint template: www.favorideas.com 47

Steven R. Covey


“The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.”

2/27/2013

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If this is

a good

idea…

why is it

so hard? Jody VanDrimmelen, LMSW

Things that matter most..

Jody VanDrimmelen

things that matter most.. if this is jody vandrimmelen so ...€¦ · “the things that matter...

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