ThingsEvery

CorneitStudentQuid Do

ILLUSTRATIONS BY ELWOOD SMITH / GRAPHIC DESIGN BY CAROL TERRIZZI

CORNELL MAGAZINE

36

Truth Number One:

There is no such thing as a typical Cornellian.

Truth Number Two:

There is no such thing as a typicalCornell experience.

Truth Number Three:

There are at least 161 things all students shoulddo while they're at Cornell.

hile Truth Number Three may

not seem to follow, a priori, from

Truths Numbers One and Two,

it is still self evident: if you're

going to do Cornell—or any

university—correctly,

there are certain

things you just ought

to check out.

What follows is an admittedly incomplete

list of what Cornell Magazine's editors, their

friends and some members of the univer

sity commmunity consider to

be the seminal experiences of

ife at Cornell. (Additions to

the list are welcome and en

couraged.) They aref each and ev

ery one of them, things that

educated, adventurous, cu

I ^ C ^ rious, hungry, growing, chal

lenged, sleep deprived,

TtJL learning people will do,

"— ~ some of the things regard

less o! where the college is located.

All of which leads us to think: perhaps there is a

typical Cornellian.

MARCH 199537

21.Get to know a professor so well she invites you to dinner;

discover that professors have families.

1. Stay up all night arguing aboutthe existence of God.

f

2. Try to go a whole semester without doing laundry.

3. Take courses outside your major—way outside your major.

4. Get yourself entangled ina long distance relationshipwith someone at anothercollege, one that's closeenough to drive to, butfar enough away tomake yourself crazy.

5. Get sick drink „ing too much;vow to neverdrink again.

6. Call yourparents and ^tell them you ^love them.

7. Get so far behind in your workyou stay in Ithaca over a vacation.Get absolutely no work done as youexplore the town and the surrounding area and realize what a beautifulplace it is.

8. Take a service oriented, minimum wage job. Gain a whole new

appreciation for the art and practiceof tipping.

9. Get in a shouting match with thepeople behind the counter at the

Bursar's Office.

10. Amass enoughparking tickets to betold you won't getyour diploma untilyou pay them.

11. Go on the rushtours of fraternities and

sororities.

12. Try to hitchike home for aweekend. Get picked up by a scaryguy. Take the bus home fromBinghamton.

13. Switch majors.

14. Read the following books while youa r e st

'H >n school:

Been Down SoLong it Looks LikeUp to Me; A Farewell to Arms; TheElements of Style;On the Rood; Zenand the Art of Motorcycle Mainte

nance.

1 5. Have a 2a.m. breakfast

at the StateDiner. Acquire *

a taste forfrench fries and gravy.

16. Get at least one F;nothing prepares you forsuccess quite like a failure.

17. Kiss someone on theSuspension Bridge.

18. Climb the steps of

CORNELL MAGAZINE

38

McGraw Tower; watch achimesmaster at work.

19. Buy a Cornell raised apple froma vending machine.

20. Learn the first two verses of the"Alma Mater" (here they are):Verse 7;Far above Cayuga's watersWith its waves of blueStands our noble alma materGlorious to view.Chorus:Lift the chorus, speed it onwardLoud her praises tell.Hail to thee, our alma materHail, all hail, Cornell.Verse 2:Far above the busy hummingOf the bustling town,Reared against the arch of heavenLooks she proudly down.

21. Get to know a professor so wellshe invites you to dinner; discoverthat professors have families.

22. Skip class to playhackeysack on the Arts

Quad.

23. Hear the echo inthe side of the

Johnson Museum.

4. Tray down Libe"lope.

25. Skinny dipin the gorge atnight.

26. Have aStraight cookieduring a studybreak.

27. Go to ahockey game.

45.Fall helplessly in love, get dumped,

be shell shocked, recover.

28. Visit the Lab of Ornithology atSapsucker Woods; start a life list.

29. Walk around Beebe Lake.

30. Cross country ski at the Plantations.

3 1 . Bowl at Helen Newman Lanes.

32. Stand in line for 45 minutes ona Saturday night at the Nines; eat awhole deepdish pizza yourself.

33. Stop at the Collegetown Convenience Store for Turns; eat awhole roll yourself.

34. Fall asleep in the library; panicthat someone saw you with yourmouth agape.

35. Over Winter Break, criticize yourparents for their middle class values;later, remind them to send in yourtuition check.

36. Sell your text books at the endof the semester; blow all themoney on a Frosty at Wendy's.

37. Write an indignant letter to theeditor of the Sun.

38. Freshman year: look at the classcolumns in Cornell Magazine andwonder aloud to your friends whoin the hell would want to read suchstuff.

39. Senior year: volunteer to be aclass correspondent.

40. Stand in the freezing rain at afootball game; catch a cold.

4 1 . Eat at every one of Cornell'snine dining halls at least once.

42. Live off campus in aCollegetown apartment; watch forthe looks of horror as you showyour parents around, telling them

how great it is.

43. Have an'epiphany i #\ t t ie stacks

of Olin Library on a beautiful fallafternoon that grades are not themost important thing in the world;leave the library and take a walk.

44. Take the following courses:Wines, Psych 101, Sex, Intro toNatural Resources, CS 100, an Introto Art History.

45. Fall helplessly in love, getdumped, be shell shocked, recover.

46. Get on a first name basis withBob Petrillose.

47. Have Sunday brunch at theStatler; put it on Cornell Card.

48. Have the courage of your convictions to tell a professor what youreally think about his or her class.

49. Ace at least one class. Nothingprepares you for success like success.

50. Switch majors. Again.

5 1 . Get a mantra.

52. Guys: Read the collected works

MARCH 1995

39

of Henry Miller and decide to moveto Paris.Girls: Stay as far away as possiblefrom these guys.

53. Girls: Read the collected worksof Sylvia Plath.Guys: Stay as far away as possiblefrom these girls.

54. Prepare to pull an all nighter bydrinking three Mountain Dews andtwo cups of coffee and eating ahandful of No Doz; accomplishnothing due to an inability to sit still.

55. Get sick from drinking toomuch; vow to never drinkagain.

56. Ask for an extension on a termpaper. Be askedwhy. Learnthatworkload isno goodanswer.

57. Get aninternship so as to be better able tojudge your career prospects.

58. Apply to grad school.

59. Tape tons of stuff—especially"Calvin and Hobbes" comic strips—to your dorm room door.

60. Spend the summer in Ithaca.Let your friends roll their eyes whenyou tell them how beautiful andpeaceful and quiet it is. You knowbetter.

6 1 . Be an Orientation Counselor.

62. Watch a polo match.

63. Study a foreign language, thengo to, say, a French Club meeting.

9O.Stay sober on Slope Day and be amazed

at what's going on.

Lose your inhibitions and parlezvous.

64. Drive out to the observatory onMt. Pleasant; bug the graduate students until they let you look at thestars and planets through the telescope.

65. Take an Outdoor Educationcourse or a Wilderness Reflectionstrip; learn more about yourself in aweekend than you will in a year ina classroom.

66. Let a harried mother go aheadof you in line at Wegmans or Tops;show the locals that not all studentsare rude and self absorbed.

67. Visit the local wineries; learn tospit.

68. Play intramural innertube waterpolo.

69. Carve your initials into a table atthe Chapter House, then drink ayard of beer.

70. Camp out on the Arts Quad.

71. Have a buttered, toasted LongIsland bagel at Collegetown Bagelsafter last call.

72. Flirt with someone—anonymously—via the Sun personals.

73. Pedal a bicycle around CayugaLake.

74. Yell—bleary eyed—at the peoplein the dorm corridor making noiseat 3 a.m. Apologize to them thenext day.

75. Road trip!

76. Go to Fall Tonic. Hum alongwith the singers.

77. Link arms with your friendsand sing the "Alma Mater" during half time of a football gam(

78. At least once, find yourselfin a situation where you askyourself, "My God, what am Idoing here?"

79. Learn how to use theInternet.

80. Go South for SpringBreak. Call home for moremoney.

81. Host a prospective freshmanduring Cornell Days.

82. Go on a campus tour. Ask theguide for a tour of the MedicalCollege.

83. Have breakfast with PresidentRhodes. Ask him if he's going tofinish his muffin.

84. Go to a Theatre Cornell production. And while you're at it, checkout the theater scene in downtownIthaca.

85. Be the subject of a psychologyexperimentin a window ,less room inUris Hall.

86. Chalkmessages onthe sidewalk.*

87. Take atleast oneclass in eachof Cornell'seight colleges.

88. Go to the Space Sciences Building and see the color photographs

CORNELL MAGAZINE

40

from Voyager.

89. Attend a lunchtime political rallyoutside the Straight; get into aheated debate with supporters ordetractors of the group the rally isfor; miss class because of it.

90. Stay sober on Slope Day andbe amazed at what's going on.

91. Help clean up Collegetownduring the annual "Into the Streets."

92. Be a Big Brother or Big Sister tokids in Tompkins County.

93. Milk a cow during Ag Day.

\ $

Oo

94. Take a class S/U. Work harderthan you did for any graded class asthe prospect of failure looms beforeyou.

129.Take a poetry class with Archie Ammons.

95. Get yourparents Cornellsweatshirts.

96. Have dinnerat the Terrace in theHotel School on anight whenundergradu-ates run theplace.

97. Have anice cream cone atthe Dairy Bar.

98. Drive up to the very top ofBuffalo Street in a standard trans-mission car; learn how not to rollbackward at the yield sign at thetop.

99. Dragon Day!

100. Have your picture taken in

A. D. White's lap.

101. Be a Blue Light escort.

102. Watch the sunset from the topof Libe Slope. (Do this as often aspossible.)

103. Go to the ROTC museum inBarton Hall.

104. Sit quietly and alone in SageChapel. Admire the stained glasswindows.

105. Write a senior honors thesis.It's the only way to graduate fromCornell with honors.

106. Drive through a blindingsnowstorm to see a concertin Syracuse orBinghamton. Think a lotabout snow tires on theway home.

107. Take great solace in the end-less supply of boiling hot waterdelivered at fire-hose pressurein the showers at Teagle Hall.

108. Tell yourself how brilliantyou are.

109. Tell yourself how stupidyou are.

•110. Play pick-up basketball atBarton Hall.

111. Attend aCornell Concert

Series performance inBailey Hall.

112. Always smile andsay hi to the peopleserving food at RobertPurcell CommunityCenter.

113. Take an auto-tutorial class.Realize that all education is auto-tutorial.

114. While walking home from thelibrary late at night, be startled, thenamused, by the raccoons that live inIthaca's sewers and prowl the nightfor food.

115. Tie a bandana around a dog'sneck and teach him to fetchFrisbees on the Ag Quad.

116. At 6:30 p.m. in a crowdeddining hall, stand up and sing yourhigh school's fight song. (Everyonewill think you're doing an experi-ment for a psychology class.)

117. Go to a service for a religionyou know nothing about.

118. Help serve Thanksgiving dinnerat the Salvation Army.

119. Be able to explain the Theoryof Relativity to the man on the street.

120. Commit to memory at leastone of Shakespeare's soliloquies.

121. Force yourself to read all ofGravity's Rainbow. (You'll be gladyou did.)

122. Stop for coffee and bananacream pie at the Roscoe Diner onRoute 17.

123. See the following films atCornell Cinema: Stop Making Sense(midnight show only), Citizen Kane,8 1/2, The 400 Blows, Casablanca,It's a Wonderful Life (make fun ofthe people who cry), Diner, Apoca-lypse Now, The Graduate, Haroldand Maude.

124. Go to the Synchrotron and askfor a tour.

MARCH 1995

41

14O.Read King Lear. Decide you are one of the daughters.

Inform your parents.

125. Stick your hand in the ruminfistula cow at the Vet college OpenHouse.

126. Take friends who visit fromother schools to Uris Hall to see theCornell Brain Collection; tell themthe legend of Mr. Rulloff. Then goto Rulloff s in Collegetown for din-ner.

127. Go see the rock and mineralcollection and the seismograph inthe lobby of Snee Hall.

128. See Bound for Glory at theCommons Coffeehouse in AnabelTaylor Hall.

129. Take a poetry class with ArchieAmmons.

130. Start saving for retirement.

131. Go strolling through ForestHome. Walk hand in hand with yourbest girlfriend/boyfriend.

132. Write a letter to your parentsthat begins: "Dear Mom and Dad,Please ignore every previous letter Ihave ever sent you."

133. Decide absolutely your mis-sion in life. Change it five times.

134. Write a poem that ends: Ooz-ing out of the shell/and into thedarkness that/never ends, that/hasmy name." Send it to your parents.

135. Research a paper on witchcraftin Europe using the Kroch LibraryDepartment of Rare and ManuscriptCollections' "Cornell Witchcraft Col-lection" and discover a spell thatwill, give your ex-boyfriend/girlfriendan undefinable sense of yearningfor you.

136. Travel abroad.

137. Two weeks before graduation,complete a wardrobe that willbe utterly useless by next fall.

138. Read Hamlet. Decide youare Hamlet.

139. Get sick from drinking toomuch; vow to never drink again.

140. Read King Lear. Decide youare one of the daughters. Informyour parents.

141. Go to a fraternity partydressed as a disgusting object.

142. Publish an opinion piece inthe Sun claiming the toilet paper inDay Hall is superior to that in thedorms.

143. Take a Graduate EntranceExam in a subject you have barelystudied. Inflate the results to yourfriends.

144. Learn to play bridge.

145. Write three papers in thesame night.

146. Write a thesis that is at leastten pages longer than yourroommate's.

CORNELL MAGAZINE

42

147. Use the words "seamless" and"dichotomy" and the phrase "pre-cious few" in the same paper.

148. Keep a diary. Write in it atleast once a year.

149. Play one memorable practicaljoke on a dean.

150. Invent something.

151. Take a date to Connecticut Hillto watch the stars on a clear night.Claim to see at least eight shootingstars ("There's one!") when nothingappears.

152. Plan a tour through a countryin the midst of civil war. Send theitinerary to your parents.

153. Play Twister.

154. Inform your new roommatethat you are "anal retentive."

155. Hold a nostalgic conversationabout "Sesame Street."

156. Enter a conversation in whicheverybody quotes dialogue from aMonty Python movie. Make up dia-logue and claim it is in the"unedited version."

157. Say something politically incor-rect in a public place.

158. Go to the Rare and ManuscriptCollections and ask to hold theGutenberg Bible.

159. Go to a Trustee meeting.They're open to the public.

160. Go hear a band you knowabsolutely nothing about.

161. Take to heart Frank Rhodes'sadvice that there is no such thing asa stupid question. a