the wisdom of dumb jocks

The Wisdomof

Dumb Jocks

The Wisdomof

Dumb JocksDumb JocksDumb Jocks

The only problem withprogress is that it wenton too long

Yogi Berra

The only problem withprogress is that it wenton too long

Yogi Berra

Dumb JocksDumb Jocks

We're going to turn thisteam around 360 degrees.

Basketball player Jason Kidd, uponhis drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

We're going to turn thisteam around 360 degrees.

Basketball player Jason Kidd, uponhis drafting to the Dallas Mavericks


Half of this game is 90percent mental.

Philadelphia Phillies managerDanny Ozark

Half of this game is 90percent mental.



I called the doctor & hetold me the contraptionswere an hour apart

Mackey Sasser, NY Mets catcheron events leading up to the birthof his first child

I called the doctor & hetold me the contraptionswere an hour apart

Mackey Sasser, NY Mets catcheron events leading up to the birthof his first child


We only have oneperson to blame &that’s each other

NY Ranger Barry Beck

We only have oneperson to blame &that’s each other

NY Ranger Barry Beck


We are experiencingaudio technicalities

Announcer Ralph Kiner

We are experiencingaudio technicalities



Mike Andrews’ limitsare limitless


Mike Andrews’ limitsare limitless



I want to gain 1500 or2000 yards, which evercomes first.

New Orleans running backGeorge Rogers

I want to gain 1500 or2000 yards, which evercomes first.

New Orleans running backGeorge Rogers


We made too manywrong mistakes.

Yogi Berra

We made too manywrong mistakes.

Yogi Berra


If there’s a pileup,they’ll have to givesome of the playersartificial insemination.

TV announcer Curt Gowdyduring a game marked by heavyrains that flooded the field

If there’s a pileup,they’ll have to givesome of the playersartificial insemination.

TV announcer Curt Gowdyduring a game marked by heavyrains that flooded the field


I must have hadambrosia.

Milwaukee Brewer Jim Gantneron why he forgot to appear ona talk show

I must have hadambrosia.

Milwaukee Brewer Jim Gantneron why he forgot to appear ona talk show


I want to thank all thosewho made this nightnecessary

Yogi Berra addressing the crowdat an event in his honor

I want to thank all thosewho made this nightnecessary

Yogi Berra addressing the crowdat an event in his honor


You give a 100 percentis the first half of thegame & if it isn’tenough, in the secondhalf you give what’s left

Yogi Berra

You give a 100 percentis the first half of thegame & if it isn’tenough, in the secondhalf you give what’s left

Yogi Berra


Mickey Mantle’s aswitch hitter becausehe’s amphibious

Yogi Berra

Mickey Mantle’s aswitch hitter becausehe’s amphibious

Yogi Berra


If you can’t imitate him,don’t copy him

Yogi Berra

If you can’t imitate him,don’t copy him

Yogi Berra


I got a touch ofpantomime poisoning.

Yogi Berra explaining why hecouldn’t play a game

I got a touch ofpantomime poisoning.

Yogi Berra explaining why hecouldn’t play a game


I wish I had an answer tothat because I’m gettingtired of answering thatquestion.

Yogi Berra

I wish I had an answer tothat because I’m gettingtired of answering thatquestion.

Yogi Berra


The similaritiesbetween me & myfather are different.

Dale Berra, Yogi Berra’s son

The similaritiesbetween me & myfather are different.

Dale Berra, Yogi Berra’s son


This is the greatestcountry in America

Florida State coach Bill Peterson

This is the greatestcountry in America



Wrist wrestling is 90%strength & 40%technique.

John Walker, world wrist-wrestling champion

Wrist wrestling is 90%strength & 40%technique.

John Walker, world wrist-wrestling champion


I’m the football coacharound here & don’tyou remember it.


I’m the football coacharound here & don’tyou remember it.



I’ve never had majorknee surgery on anyother part of my body.

Kentucky basketball playerWinston Bennett

I’ve never had majorknee surgery on anyother part of my body.

Kentucky basketball playerWinston Bennett


It’s not a matter of life &death - it’s much moreimportant than that.

Boxing promoter Lou Duva

It’s not a matter of life &death - it’s much moreimportant than that.

Boxing promoter Lou Duva


If I found a milliondollars, I’d find thefellow who lost it & if hewas poor, I’d return it.

Yogi Berra

If I found a milliondollars, I’d find thefellow who lost it & if hewas poor, I’d return it.

Yogi Berra


I’d fight him for nothingif the price was right.

Boxer Marlon Starling

I’d fight him for nothingif the price was right.

Boxer Marlon Starling


Some quiet guys areinwardly outgoing.


Some quiet guys areinwardly outgoing.



That picture was takenout of context.

New York pitcher Jeff Inniscommenting on a badpicture taken of him

That picture was takenout of context.

New York pitcher Jeff Inniscommenting on a badpicture taken of him


Nobody goes thereanymore, it’s toocrowded.

Yogi Berra on why he didn’twant to go to dinner at aparticular restaurant

Nobody goes thereanymore, it’s toocrowded.

Yogi Berra on why he didn’twant to go to dinner at aparticular restaurant


I didn’t really sayeverything I said.

Yogi Berra

I didn’t really sayeverything I said.

Yogi Berra


He can run any timehe wants - I’m givinghim the red light.

Yogi Berra

He can run any timehe wants - I’m givinghim the red light.

Yogi Berra


It isn’t like I came downfrom Mount Sinai withthe tabloids

Indianapolis Colts coach RonMeyer

It isn’t like I came downfrom Mount Sinai withthe tabloids

Indianapolis Colts coach RonMeyer


My sister is expecting ababy & I’m not surewhether I’m going to bean uncle or an aunt.

Basketball player Chuck Nevitt

My sister is expecting ababy & I’m not surewhether I’m going to bean uncle or an aunt.

Basketball player Chuck Nevitt


Me and George and Billyare two of a kind.

Texas Ranger playerMickey Rivers

Me and George and Billyare two of a kind.

Texas Ranger playerMickey Rivers


Baseball is 90 percentmental. The other halfis physical.

Yogi Berra

Baseball is 90 percentmental. The other halfis physical.

Yogi Berra


Anyone who can’t hearthe difference betweena ball hitting wood anda ball hitting concretemust be blind.

Yogi Berra

Anyone who can’t hearthe difference betweena ball hitting wood anda ball hitting concretemust be blind.

Yogi Berra


It was hard to have aconversation withanyone, there were somany people talking.

Yogi Berra

It was hard to have aconversation withanyone, there were somany people talking.

Yogi Berra


Last night I neglected tomention something thatbears repeating.

Broadcaster Ron Fairly

Last night I neglected tomention something thatbears repeating.

Broadcaster Ron Fairly


If I wasn’t talking, Iwouldn’t know whatto say.

New York Islander goalieChico Resch

If I wasn’t talking, Iwouldn’t know whatto say.

New York Islander goalieChico Resch


If you come to a fork inthe road, take it.

Yogi Berra

If you come to a fork inthe road, take it.

Yogi Berra


You can observe a lotby watching.

Yogi Berra

You can observe a lotby watching.

Yogi Berra


Not only is Mooreheadambidextrous, but hecan throw with eitherhand

Michigan football coach DuffyDaugherty

Not only is Mooreheadambidextrous, but hecan throw with eitherhand

Michigan football coach DuffyDaugherty


We all get heavier as weget older because there’sa lot more information inour heads.

Basketball player Vlade Divac

We all get heavier as weget older because there’sa lot more information inour heads.

Basketball player Vlade Divac


Line up alphabeticallyby height

Baseball coach Casey Stengel

Line up alphabeticallyby height

Baseball coach Casey Stengel


When we got behind inthe twelfth inning Iwasn’t apprehensive...but I was scared.

Yogi Berra

When we got behind inthe twelfth inning Iwasn’t apprehensive...but I was scared.

Yogi Berra


Our strength is that wedon’t have anyweaknesses. Ourweakness is that we don’thave any real strengths.

Arkansas football coach FrankBroyles

Our strength is that wedon’t have anyweaknesses. Ourweakness is that we don’thave any real strengths.

Arkansas football coach FrankBroyles


Ball handling &dribbling are mystrongest weaknesses.

Denver basketball star DavidThompson

Ball handling &dribbling are mystrongest weaknesses.

Denver basketball star DavidThompson


These people haven’tseen the last of my face.If I go down, I’m goingdown standing up.

Indiana Pacers basketballplayer Chuck Person

These people haven’tseen the last of my face.If I go down, I’m goingdown standing up.

Indiana Pacers basketballplayer Chuck Person


If the fans don’t wantto come out to thepark, how are yougoing to stop them?

Yogi Berra

If the fans don’t wantto come out to thepark, how are yougoing to stop them?

Yogi Berra


Hey, they spelledmy name wrong!

Yogi Berra upon receiving acheck made out “To Bearer”

Hey, they spelledmy name wrong!

Yogi Berra upon receiving acheck made out “To Bearer”


I never set out to hurtanybody deliberatelyunless it was, you know,important - like a leaguegame or something.

Dick Butkus, linebacker

I never set out to hurtanybody deliberatelyunless it was, you know,important - like a leaguegame or something.

Dick Butkus, linebacker


You wouldn’t have wonif we had beaten you.

Yogi Berra

You wouldn’t have wonif we had beaten you.

Yogi Berra


I don’t know & Idon’t care.

Utah Jazz forward JeffWilkens when asked whetherhis bad play in a game wasdue to ignorance or apathy

I don’t know & Idon’t care.

Utah Jazz forward JeffWilkens when asked whetherhis bad play in a game wasdue to ignorance or apathy


We’ll do all right ifwe capitalize on ourmistakes.

Texas Ranger’s playerMickey Rivers

We’ll do all right ifwe capitalize on ourmistakes.

Texas Ranger’s playerMickey Rivers


Either give me what Idemand or I’ll takewhat you’re offering.

New York Yankeemanager Joe Torre

Either give me what Idemand or I’ll takewhat you’re offering.

New York Yankeemanager Joe Torre


If there’s a 50% chancewe’ll repeat as AmericanLeague champs, yougotta remember thatthere’s also a 75%chance that we won’t.

Yogi Berra

If there’s a 50% chancewe’ll repeat as AmericanLeague champs, yougotta remember thatthere’s also a 75%chance that we won’t.

Yogi Berra


I found a delivery inmy flaw.

Kansas City relief pitcherDan Quisenberry

I found a delivery inmy flaw.

Kansas City relief pitcherDan Quisenberry


Congratulations onbreaking my record. Ialways thought therecord would stand untilit was broken.

Yogi Berra in a telegram toJohnny Bench after Benchbroke Berra’s home run record.

Congratulations onbreaking my record. Ialways thought therecord would stand untilit was broken.

Yogi Berra in a telegram toJohnny Bench after Benchbroke Berra’s home run record.


I wasn’t in a slump -I just wasn’t gettingany hits.

Oakland A’s baseball playerDave Henderson

I wasn’t in a slump -I just wasn’t gettingany hits.

Oakland A’s baseball playerDave Henderson


I have nothing to say.And I’ll only say it once.

Toronto Maple Leaf coachFloyd Smith

I have nothing to say.And I’ll only say it once.

Toronto Maple Leaf coachFloyd Smith


Sometimes they writewhat I say & not whatI mean.

St. Louis Cardinal playerPedro Guerrero

Sometimes they writewhat I say & not whatI mean.

St. Louis Cardinal playerPedro Guerrero


Strength is my biggestweakness.

New Mexico basketball playerMark Snow

Strength is my biggestweakness.

New Mexico basketball playerMark Snow


You couldn’t keep aconversation going.Everybody wastalking too much.

Yogi Berra

You couldn’t keep aconversation going.Everybody wastalking too much.

Yogi Berra


Tonight we’re honoringone of the all-timegreats in baseball, StanMusial. He’s immoral.

sportscaster Johnny Logan

Tonight we’re honoringone of the all-timegreats in baseball, StanMusial. He’s immoral.

sportscaster Johnny Logan


I went hunting inManitoba, one of thoseCanadian proverbs.

Milwaukee Brewer baseball playerJim Gantner

I went hunting inManitoba, one of thoseCanadian proverbs.

Milwaukee Brewer baseball playerJim Gantner


There is one word inAmerica that says it all- that one word is“You never know.”

Houston Astro pitcherJoaquin Andujar

There is one word inAmerica that says it all- that one word is“You never know.”

Houston Astro pitcherJoaquin Andujar


Chicago Cubs outfielderAndre Dawson on beinga role model: I want allthe kids to do what I do,to look up to me. I wantall the kids to copulateme.

Chicago Cubs outfielderAndre Dawson on beinga role model: I want allthe kids to do what I do,to look up to me. I wantall the kids to copulateme.


Nobody in footballshould be called agenius. A genius is aguy like NormanEinstein.

Football commentator andformer player Joe Theisman

Nobody in footballshould be called agenius. A genius is aguy like NormanEinstein.

Football commentator andformer player Joe Theisman


Because she's too damnugly to kiss goodbye.Houston Oiler coachBum Phillips whenasked by Bob Costaswhy he takes his wife onall the road trips

Because she's too damnugly to kiss goodbye.Houston Oiler coachBum Phillips whenasked by Bob Costaswhy he takes his wife onall the road trips


I'm going to graduate ontime, no matter howlong it takes.

Senior basketball player at theUniversity of Pittsburgh:

I'm going to graduate ontime, no matter howlong it takes.

Senior basketball player at theUniversity of Pittsburgh:


You guys line up,alphabetically by height.And You guys pair up ingroups of three, thenline up in a circle.

Bill Peterson, a Florida Statefootball coach

You guys line up,alphabetically by height.And You guys pair up ingroups of three, thenline up in a circle.

Bill Peterson, a Florida Statefootball coach


Why would anyoneexpect him to come outsmarter? He went toPRISON for three years,not Princeton.

Boxing promoter Dan Duva onMike Tyson hooking up againwith

Why would anyoneexpect him to come outsmarter? He went toPRISON for three years,not Princeton.

Boxing promoter Dan Duva onMike Tyson hooking up againwith


I can't really rememberthe names of the clubsthat we went to.

Shaquille O'Neal on whetherhe had visited the Parthenonduring his visit to Greece

I can't really rememberthe names of the clubsthat we went to.

Shaquille O'Neal on whetherhe had visited the Parthenonduring his visit to Greece


I've won at every level,except college and pro.

Shaquille O'Neal, on his thenlack of championships

I've won at every level,except college and pro.

Shaquille O'Neal, on his thenlack of championships


He's a guy who gets upat six o'clock in themorning regardless ofwhat time it is.

Lou Duva, veteran boxingtrainer, on the Spartantraining regime ofheavyweight Andrew Golota

He's a guy who gets upat six o'clock in themorning regardless ofwhat time it is.

Lou Duva, veteran boxingtrainer, on the Spartantraining regime ofheavyweight Andrew Golota


We can't win at home. Wecan't win on the road. Asgeneral manager, I justcan't figure out where elseto play.

Pat Williams, Orlando Magicgeneral manager, on his team's7-27 record

We can't win at home. Wecan't win on the road. Asgeneral manager, I justcan't figure out where elseto play.

Pat Williams, Orlando Magicgeneral manager, on his team's7-27 record


Steve Spurrier, Floridafootball coach, tellingGator fans that a fire atAuburn's football dormhad destroyed 20 books:But the real tragedy wasthat 15 hadn't beencolored yet.

Steve Spurrier, Floridafootball coach, tellingGator fans that a fire atAuburn's football dormhad destroyed 20 books:But the real tragedy wasthat 15 hadn't beencolored yet.


Jim Finks, New OrleansSaints G.M., when askedafter a loss what hethought of the refs: I'mnot allowed to commenton lousy officiating

Jim Finks, New OrleansSaints G.M., when askedafter a loss what hethought of the refs: I'mnot allowed to commenton lousy officiating


Alan Kulwicki, stockcar racer, on racingSaturday nights asopposed to Sundayafternoons: It'sbasically the same,just darker

Alan Kulwicki, stockcar racer, on racingSaturday nights asopposed to Sundayafternoons: It'sbasically the same,just darker


Torrin Polk, Universityof Houston receiver, onhis coach, JohnJenkins: He treats uslike men. He lets uswear earrings.

Torrin Polk, Universityof Houston receiver, onhis coach, JohnJenkins: He treats uslike men. He lets uswear earrings.


Shelby Metcalf, basketballcoach at Texas A&M,recounting what he told aplayer who received fourF's and one D: Son, looksto me like you're spendingtoo much time on onesubject

Shelby Metcalf, basketballcoach at Texas A&M,recounting what he told aplayer who received fourF's and one D: Son, looksto me like you're spendingtoo much time on onesubject

the wisdom of dumb jocks

Entertainment & Humor