the weekend 14 february 2014

WeekendWeekendFROM FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 14, 2014 ISSUE 91WhAt tO DO WIth YOUR tIME AnD MOnEY

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Milliner’sThe

taleThe fascinating world of Bristol’s only hat shop

thE CURRY thAt’S FIt FOR A BAnQUEt

thE FEAtURE FROM thE BLUE LAGOOn

BREAKInG thE FIRSt RULE OF FIGht CLUB

GREAT IDEAS FOR A ROMANTIC WEEKEND

Over 1000 different adult courses, starting throughout the year.Visit www.cityofbristol.ac.uk or call 0117 312 5000.

STILL ENROLLING

0117 312 5000 | www.cityofbristol.ac.uk | [email protected]

LEARNING FOR WORKIf you’ve never worked or are struggling to find a job, we can help you get onto a course which will give you the skills that employers are looking for. You can boost your literacy or numeracy skills, or study for GCSEs. If practical skills are more your thing, there are 100s of vocational courses on offer too.

Popular courses include:• Job Interview Techniques• Functional Skills, Literacy & Numeracy• GCSE English & Maths• English for Speakers of Other Languages (ESOL)• Construction Skills

LEARNING FOR A CAREERIf you know where you’re going, but need a bit of help to get there, our professional qualifications, A levels or access to higher education courses are just what you need. You’ll find yourself working with like-minded people of all ages and will receive fantastic support from dedicated tutors – many of whom have industry experience.

Popular courses include:• Interior Design• Hairdressing• Teaching • Fitness Instructing• Childcare

FUNDINGDon’t write-off doing a course because you’re worried about money. There’s a lot of financial support available, particularly if you are on a low income or aged 19-23. To find out what help is available for you call 0117 312 5000 or go to www.cityofbristol.ac.uk/finance

WHICH COURSE WILL YOU CHOOSE? Over 1000 different adult courses available.

STILL ENROLLING

LEARNING FOR FUNTry something new or find out more about something you’re already interested in, with one of our leisure or hobby courses. They’re held at various locations across the city at different times to suit even the busiest of lifestyles. They’re a great opportunity to meet new people, develop a skill or simply boost your confidence.

Popular courses include:• Molecular Gastronomy (special effect cooking)• Factual Radio Production• Car Maintenance • Languages• Barista Skills

LEARNING FOR EMPLOYEESIf you run a business or have responsibility for training staff, we have a whole range of courses to support you in improving your organisation and ensuring you are compliant with current regulations. From short courses to address skills gaps, to professional development for your management staff or recruiting an apprentice, we can meet all your training needs.

Popular courses include:• Marketing• Health & Safety in the Workplace• Accounting• Business Skills• IT

Blaire completed an access to higher education course with City of Bristol College whilst training to be a Paralympian sailor. She’s now studying for a degree and hopes to take part in the 2016 Paralympics in Brazil.Whatever you see yourself doing, a City of Bristol College course can help you get there – we have over 1000 to choose from.

BLAIRE saw herself as a SPEECH & LANGUAGE THERAPIST

IT’S NEVER TOO LATE!Whatever you see yourself doing, we can help you to get there at City of Bristol College. Whether you want

to get back to education, take your next step into employment, develop your career or just take up a

new hobby, we can help. Our wide range of adult courses are open to everyone.


Follow us: @CoBCollege www.facebook.com/cobcollege

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Independent of the week Theatricalmilliner and costume designer Ani

Townsend has created the hat shop ofdreams. Natalie Banyard gets a heads up

TOPHATS!

SHOPPING

Abeautiful,creative andunique additionto Broadmead’sshoppingquarter,Milliner’s Guild

is Bristol’s only hat shop,offering the city’s fashionistasthe most exquisite, couturequality hats.Milliner’s Guild opened in the

revitalised St James’ Arcade,Broadmead, last autumn, and itsstunning display of hats andaccessories is already turningheads.From charming bridal

headpieces and statement hatsto casual sun hats and headscarves, everything ishand-made by professionalmilliners working to their ownoriginal designs – and it’s allperfectly affordable.The stylish shop, painted in

striking turquoise, has anelegant, vintage feel. Its widerange of hats and fascinators aremounted on long-neckedmannequin heads and antique,wooden hat stands.To the rear of the shop there’s

a display of bridal veils, tiarasand headpieces, while scarvesare artistically draped fromhangers and a tailor’s dummy.

Milliner’s Guild also has arange of classic andcontemporary jewellery ondisplay, while gorgeous hatboxes, a velvet chaise longueand an antique wooden dresseradd to the vintage vibe.The boutique has a very

theatrical feel to it, so it comesas no surprise that owner AniTownsend’s background is in hatand costume design for thestage. The talented designer andmaker is from Filton, but movedto London to do a costumedesign degree, specialising inmillinery, and spent the nextseven years in the capital.She was then the resident

milliner at Welsh National Operabetween 2005 and 2012, creatinghats and head-dresses for theirprestigious works.Ani has also worked on

numerous film and theatreproductions, including BristolOld Vic hits, Far Away and TheLittle Mermaid.But last year, it was time for

Ani to embark on a new chapter.“My husband and I had a baby

and theatre hours simply didn’tsuit family life,” she smiles. “Ineeded a new challenge thatsuited our new life, and this feltlike the perfect opportunity.“Plus there are no other hat

shops in Bristol, so here we are!”Milliner’s Guild features the

work of designers who havebeen hand-picked based on thequality of their work, ensuringthere is a range of differentstyles to choose from, includingAni’s own creations.Everything in the shop is

either one-of-a-kind or part of avery short run, so not only canyou buy the perfect hat for you,

but you can also avoid turningup to an event in the sameheadwear as someone else.With this in mind, I assumed

the price tags would beeye-watering. On the contrary –prices are the same as youwould find in any quality highstreet chain store.And if you have something

very particular in mind, Ani alsooffers a bespoke service with

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colour matching and designfacilities, which is ideal forweddings, balls and the races.She says: “I think I’m offering

beautiful, unique, quality hatsfor people as well a retail outletfor talented milliners.“We have some fantastic

designers, both new talent aswell as award-winning,established milliners.”Designers include couture

milliner Sarah Cant, who iscourse director for thehighly-regarded Kensington andChelsea College and wonInternational Hat Designer of theYear 2001, and Gloucester-basedEsther Louise, whoseaward-winning sculptural andtextural designs are hugelypopular.The boutique has already

sparked plenty of interest.“Bristolians are very keen on

supporting local, independentbusinesses and designers, whichis great,” Ani tells me.“They are also a very creative

bunch and love to ownsomething a little bit unusual.

“Some of our milliners that arebased elsewhere, in rather moreconservative areas, suggestmore muted colours and ourcustomers say ‘Oh this is lovely,but do you have somethingbrighter and more vibrant?’”In addition to offering Bristol

shoppers exquisite headwearand giving talented designers aretail outlet, Ani is also keen tointroduce new people to the artof millinery by offering coursesin the workshop above theshop.She says: “We’re passionate

about sharing our love ofmillinery and run weekly andthree-day classes teaching theskills used in the creation ofour products.“We’ve had a great response

and are currently fully booked,but we will be adding morecourses very soon.”

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LADY IN RED

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Home is where the heart is. Invest in some adorable heart-themed homeware to make your humbleabode that little bit lovelier .

HOUSE THAT LOVE BUILT

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Our city’s half marathon isn’t untilSeptember, but Bath is hosting its annual

event in a couple of weeks’ time.Kate Edser talks to a few of the manyBristolian entrants – seasoned runnersand first-timers – who will be at the start

line on Sunday, March 2.

MYREASONTO RACE

HEALTH&FITNESS

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The SplendiferousOccasion – doesn’tthat soundwonderful? Say itout loud a coupleof times and I betyou’ll be grinning

before long. And that’s kind ofthe point.Not only is this event

supposed to be uplifting,combining beauty, fashion andwellbeing, it will also besupporting well-known Bristolcharity, Penny Brohn CancerCare. In fact, organisers HollyHill and Sarah Cook aim to raiseseveral thousand.But, as is the case with many

events for good causes, this onewas also born out of tragedy.Holly explains: “Cancer wasnever part of our family’s livesuntil last year when mybrother-in-law died suddenly

and the lady who looked aftermy daughter when she was ababy also died, and lots offriends were affected bycancer too.“It was getting upsetting and I

felt I needed to so somethinguseful in their honour.”So, having previously

exhibited at The Beauty Eventin Bristol, Holly approached thatbusiness’s founder, Sarah Cook.Sarah has been running The

Beauty Event for many years asa means of bringing womentogether for beauty treatments,to browse stalls run by localcraftsfolk and to meet and listento inspirational speakers.Using that formula, Holly and

Sarah hit upon the idea for TheSplendiferous Occasion – whichis going ahead at Kings WestonHouse, Bristol, on March 8.As well as stalls and beauty

therapists showcasing theirwares, the popular handmadecosmetics company LUSH willbe running soap-makingdemonstrations for adults andchildren, while award-winningcake designer Halima Jafari willbe showing children how todecorate cakes.Free sessions can be booked

with a range of Bristol-basedguest speakers, includingmakeup artist Jenny Davies, whowill be creating a polisheddaytime look; personal stylistKaren Lowe, who will be talkingabout trends for spring andsummer fashions,hypnotherapist TamzinBrain-Evans and “Guru of Brave”life coach Sam Holman.Holly, who runs Heather &

Grace jewellery-making businessfrom home in Henleaze, will alsobe getting hands-on and making

some special pieces whichKaren Lowe will match withdifferent outfits.As a bonus for visitors,

performances from West Endsinger Amanda Villamayor andJust 3 harmony trio are also inthe mix.

Tickets for The SplendiferousOccasion cost £10 each, thoughchildren under 16 go free.All the speakers are giving theirtime for free, the venue has beenhired at a discounted rate, theexhibitors will all pay a fee, andafter ticket sales, Holly and Sarahestimate they could raise £3,000for the charity.The event runs from 10am to 4pmat Kings Weston House, KingsWeston Lane, Bristol, BS11 0UR.To book tickets, and (limited)spaces to hear guest speakers)visit www.eventbrite.co.uk.

Friends’ idea leads to ‘splendiferous’ event

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We also sell fabrics,restored furniture, foamand sundries.New family

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The man who must save Microsoft��

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Satya Nadella’semail to all staff onhis first day asMicrosoft CEO wasblunt: “We mustzero in on whatMicrosoft can

uniquely contribute to theworld,” he said.Nadella is only the third CEO

in the company’s history. Hesteps in as Steve Balmer retires,and as Microsoft struggles tokeep pace with innovationelsewhere.Since the early 2000s,

competitors old and new havegrabbed great chunks ofMicrosoft’s business.Apple products are

everywhere you look. Googledominates on the web. Samsungand Amazon are innovating withnew hardware ideas.Microsoft was ready for the

desktop PC world of the Eightiesand Nineties, but not for themobile world of today. That’swhere it needs to focus.So what’s on Satya Nadella’s

to-do list? Maybe somethinglike this:1. Fix Surface. Microsoft’s

tablet is more expensive thanrivals, with fewer features andmuch less storage space. Itneeds rapid and radicalimprovement.2. Fix Windows. Microsoft’s

flagship software, Windows 8,introduced new interfacefeatures that left long-term usersflummoxed. Innovation is good,but not at the expense ofconfusing loyal customers.3. Invest in design. There’s

already a better logo andcorporate identity, but Microsoft

needs to apply the same logic toits products.Luckily, Nadella won’t be

working alone. Microsoft hasalways been good at investing inpeople, and has a team of fineminds in place to tackle theseproblems.And Nadella has already been

in touch with another guy, aman from Microsoft’s early days,to get him to come and help out.You might have heard of him

too. His name?Bill Gates.

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Think your playlist is perfect? Keen for everyone to discover your hidden DJ? Well invest in one of theseBluetooth speaker systems, and prove it.

SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE

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DAYS OUT

ALL YOUNEED ISLOVE

Date a caveman,sniff out a suitorand enjoy aromanticeveningwithreal

heart at At-Bristol’sValentine’s Daywith a difference!The latest in

the ever-popularseries of adultevents fromAt-Bristol, AfterHours: Love onFriday, February 14, willgive visitors the chance toplay on hundreds of exhibits, allwith no kids in sight and a drinkin hand!

And, in keeping with the moodof the day, At-Bristol will be

taking a playful look atthe dating and

mating game.If you’veexhausteddatingoptionswith ourspecies,why nottryNeanderthalspeed-dating?

You can go ona date with a

partner, friend or astranger role playing as a

Neanderthal, a prehistorichuman-like species.

VALENTINE’S SPECIAL

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In and around the cityThe Birds And The Bees

In and around the city Guess HowMuch I Love You?

Follow your nose and sniff outa potential new suitor in theunpleasant sounding – andsmelling – “B.O.Tique”.Here, you can use sweaty

T-shirts and your sense ofsmell to identify the type ofperson you are – and are not –attracted to. In another romanticoffering, visitors to At-Bristol areinvited to pull on someheartstrings by dissecting realhearts in the Live Lab.You can also get up to some

animal antics as you create yourown nature documentaries inAnimate It, take a romantic tripto the stars in the Planetariumand get your heart going withthe sports challenge in “TheZone”.

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John Polatch, At-Bristol’sinformal learning officer, says:“We want to offer a Valentine’snight out with interesting thingsto do that’s a bit bonkers.“Bring your wife, boyfriend,

best friend, first date, neighbouror life enemy. Have a glass ofwine and see where the eveninggoes – who knows what willhappen?”With more than 300

interactive exhibits to discover,including magnetic attractionand a walk-in womb, there isplenty to get your heart a-racing.So, whether you’ve got a date,

are looking for love, or justfancy a night out with a twist,After Hours: Love is the perfecthands-on Valentine’s treat.

22

EATING OUT Reviews by Mark Taylor

Lunch: The full EnglishGo for the full Monte

Lunch: New openingTree-mendous!

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Pre-cinema dinnerLatin sizzle on a drizzly night

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Pub of the week The Golden Guinea

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Wine of the week Castello di Brolio Vin Santodel Chianti Classico 2005

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EATING INFrom simplecurry to Asianbanquet for allthe family

In Simply Good Food, renownedAustralian chef Neil Perry looksat the sort of simple, yetstunning, produce-drivenrecipes he cooks for friendsand family. Influenced by manydifferent cuisines, the recipes

in the book all start with his belief incooking with top quality, sustainablyproduced seasonal ingredients.The book features dishes for every

gathering, from an intimate familymeal to a multi-course dinner party.He says: “When I was compiling the

recipes for Simply Good Food, Inoticed there were a number ofdelicious Mexican dishes that wouldwork well together and, for thatmatter, many Asian-inspired andMediterranean dishes as well. I havegrouped these, so if you want to cooksome lovely banquets, or just cook asingle dish, it’s entirely up to you.”With more than 100 recipes from a

small selection of mood-enhancingdinner party cocktail recipes throughto chicken with pancetta, stir-friedscallops with beans and oyster sauceand Champagne jelly with spicedberry compote, Simply Good Food isvery much a book for every occasion.This recipe for Thai-style prawn

curry requires a few specialistingredients, such as Thai basil leaves,Thai pea aubergines and appleaubergines. Although a few largersupermarkets are starting to stocksuch ingredients, it’s worth checkingethnic stores.The Sweet Mart in St Mark’s Road,

Easton, is a good starting point as ithas a vast range of Asian ingredients.Of course, you could buy a good

quality shop-bought green currypaste, but it won’t be the same asmaking a fresh one from scratch.

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TRAVEL

World travel Stan Cullimore explores the beautifulvolcanoes, geysers and frozen landscapes of Iceland

ICE ANDFIRE

So what do weknow aboutIceland? First, tellanyone you’regoing there andthey willimmediately

presume you’re talking aboutthe shop, sigh. Second, they willtell you that they really want togo there one day too.Question is, why is everyone

so keen on the land of volcanoesand ice all of a sudden?There’s only way to answer

questions like that. You have toget out there and do theresearch. Luckily, easyjet hasjust started doing direct flightsfrom Bristol to Reykjavik. So Ijumped on a plane with a bunchof other journalists and after apleasant and surprisingly shortflight we found ourselvescoming in to land oversnow-covered lava fields.Have to say, first impressions

were good. The landscape issomehow both scary andexciting – the countryside lookslike something out of a Bondfilm. Our first stop looked likethe sort of place a baddie wouldset up camp and prepare todestroy the world.At this point, it’s time for a

quick geology lesson. Iceland issitting right over the spot wherethe continents of Europe andNorth America collide. Thesetectonic plates are slowlymoving apart. Volcanoes fill the

gap, so they are everywhere youlook. These babies churn outlava, steam and the occasionalcloud of ash.The enterprising locals have

come up with cunning plans touse this free heat in all sorts ofways; it makes electricity,pumps hot water for heatingtheir homes and spills out intolakes. Which is where the BlueLagoon comes in.It’s a spa built over a hot

spring. It’s like Thermae BathSpa on steroids, only with hotterwater and crazier views.Brilliant. After a couple of hoursof hot water high jinks it wastime to move on, at which pointwe discovered another brilliantthing about this country – it’sthe land that health and safetyforgot. The locals’ defaultsetting is that people do havecommon sense. Which meantwhen we went quad biking wewere actually allowed to enjoyourselves and scoot aroundwithout constantly beingnagged. Bliss.Our first night was spent in

the Hotel ION, a luxurious slabbuilt in the middle of nowherewith only one purpose in mind –to show off the northern lights.Sadly, although the staff were asnice as pie, the lights were ano-show that evening, so we hadto console ourselves with thefantastic selection of Icelandicbeers.Next day was the Golden

Circle tour. You drive round anational park in a Tonkatoy-style coach, checking outenormous frozen waterfalls andstanding next to boiling geysersblowing steam and water allover the show. It’s awesome.At one point we were standing

on a ridge staring over thefrozen waste and everyone’sphones and cameras stoppedworking. The guide explainedthat was usually what happenedwhen the temperature got downto minus 20. Yikes.After that, it was time to head

for Reykjavik and the 101 Hotel.It’s in the heart of the old towndown by the dock and it isachingly trendy. If I ever win thelottery, this is the sort of place I

want to live in. Forever. Not onlyis the hotel gorgeous, it’s alsoright next door to all the barsand shops, which is handy,especially when you findyourself staggering home fromDamon Albarn’s bar in themiddle of the night.The next day we went on a

walking food tour of the city.This was a chance to taste allthe weird and not verywonderful things that the localsclaim to eat. When they stick tonormal food, it’s delicious (thelobster soup is wonderful). Butwhen they go off piste, watchout. I had dried fish crisps, roastpuffin, minke whale surprise,shag stew, cold sheep’s brainand, although it makes me gag

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just to remember it, I evenmanaged to swallow some of therotted shark they offered me.All of which partly answers

the question as to why peoplewant to go there.Iceland is like nowhere else

I’ve ever been. The scenery issavage, the food is extreme and

the people are lovely. Oh, and incase you’re wondering. I didn’tget to see the northern lights.Turns out, it’s a bit like

someone coming to Bristol tosee a rainbow. You needpatience and luck.But I don’t mind. It gives me

the perfect excuse to go back.

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Crouched in thelong grass, herunwavering gazefixed directlyahead, theworld’s fastestland animal sits

completely still. A young gazellegrazing nearby has no idea it’s inthe eye-line of a hungry cheetahwith pestering cubs to feed.Fingers hovering above our

camera shutters, we’re waitingfor the chase to begin,wondering what game plan thisdetermined mother has in mind.We barely have time to release

the trigger as she lungesforward to her startled prey.I’m travelling with Kicheche

Camps, which operates threepredominantly locally staffedcamps in three of Kenya’s MasaiMara conservancies.Located on the periphery of

the Masai Mara National Park,the conservancies arecommunity-owned areas of land,leased from the local Masaipeople and run by stakeholders.With day visitors prohibited,

the number of vehicles here isfewer than the neighbouring

national park, and touristdensity is extremely low.The opportunities for wildlife

viewing are also excellent.Relative peace and quiet isattracting an increasing numberof animals to the conservancies,with some of the Mara’s biggestlion prides now resident here.We encounter one such

22-strong group at sunset.Back-lit by a syrupy orange sun,their coats glow radiantly asthey slowly fan outward toencircle a zeal of zebra.With so many cubs, a stealthy

kill was always going to bedifficult, and it’s the young ones’clumsy, whimpering calls thatinevitably give the game away,causing the zebra to scarper.But we’re not disappointed –

already we’ve been in earshot ofroaring lions, smelled hipposwallowing in stagnant waterholes, and spied hyenas restingin the crevices of rocks.Action-packed, yes. But this is

not a tick-box exercise.“The Big Five is a butcher’s

term,” snarls Paul Goldstein,co-owner of Kicheche and anaward-winning wildlife

photographer. Outspoken,passionate and some might sayunrepentantly rude, Paul is alsoa reason why so many peoplecome here and his photographictours continuously sell out.The next day we follow a

cheetah who has beenchristened Narasha by the localguides. Her haunches arepronounced and her stomach isalmost concave; she’s visiblyweary, but doesn’t stop to restfor a minute in the hunt for foodfor her cubs.A cheetah’s eyesight is six

times better than our own, andshe clearly spots somethingbefore we do – a pregnantgazelle, an easy target.Sitting very still in the long

grass, she bides her time. We’redesperate for her to succeedand even the vegetarian in ourgroup is praying for a kill.And when Narasha starts

sprinting, we know she won’tgive up. In the last few seconds,the cubs appear, and grabbingthe final moment of glory, theydive at the gazelle.Narasha drags the kill to a

mound and in a powerful display

of maternal instinct andadmirable self-control she walkscasually away, allowing her cubsto feed while she keeps watchfor hyenas and otherscavengers. Despite her hunger,she’ll be the last to eat.A meal of that size will last the

family at least a couple of days,so for now, they are satisfied.But life in Africa’s Great Rift

Valley is hard for a cheetah, andit could be another week beforethis family eats again.Our particular story might

have reached a temporaryconclusion, but tomorrow, nodoubt, more dramas will unfoldin the Mara.

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MUSIC

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President of the united songwriters

Laura Cantrell’sfascinating careerpath has included aspell as avice-president onWall Street, a radioDJ and a

contributor to the New YorkTimes and Vanity Fair.This week, the Nashville-born

singer-songwriter releases herfirst album of original material ineight years, coinciding with anextensive UK tour.No Way There From Here

features 11 new songs and wasrecorded in Nashville at theBeech House studios, favouredby the likes of Lambchop,Andrew Bird and Will Oldham.The material for No Way There

From Here was largelyworkshopped with a group ofwriters and musicians of theRadio Free Song Club. The clubfeatured songwriters includingPeter Blegvad, Victoria Williams,Amy Rigby and Wreckless Eric,who were required to bringfinished work and record it withthe Radio Free Allstars in a livesetting, as if for a radiobroadcast.

For Cantrell, it was a greatexcuse to get busy writing after abreak from music, during whichshe had her daughter andreturned to the world of banking,consulting in the finance world.“I went back to work in 2011

with a colleague from myprevious job at the Bank ofAmerica.“At the time, I was just starting

to figure out how to make analbum and realised that it mightbe useful to be able to financepart of it myself.“The environment for artists

has changed since I startedmaking records in 2000, it is evenmore difficult to sell actualalbums and fewer companies arefinancing recording projects.“I found that it was really

positive, reminding me of someof my strengths and also how totake feedback and juggledeadlines, all stuff that workingparents understand.”Having to meet the Radio Free

Song Club’s bi-monthly deadline,Cantrell started to feel morenimble as a writer.“Since having my daughter, I

went through a natural process

of opening up – I wanted to usethat openness to make mywriting more personal.“I also felt like I was

connecting with like-mindedfriends, which led to somefruitful collaborations like theone with Tracyanne Campbellfrom Camera Obscura. The songwe finished together, GlassArmour, is one of my favourites.”The new album also features

writing collaborations with AmyAllison and Franklin Bruno andincludes an impressive list ofguest musicians including JimLauderdale, Kenny Vaughan,Michael Cerveris, Caitlin Rose,William Tyler (Lambchop), PaulNiehaus (Lambchop, Calexico)and Paul Burch.Since 2000, Cantrell has

released a series of acclaimedalbums including Not TheTremblin’ Kind, When The RosesBloom Again, Humming By TheFlowered Vine and Kitty WellsDresses: Songs of the Queen ofCountry Music.She has toured extensively in

the UK, Europe and Ireland, andwas a favourite of DJ John Peel,who called Not The Tremblin’

Kind “my favourite record of thelast ten years, possibly my life”.The songs on No Way There

From Here reflect on themesfamiliar to fans of Cantrell’searlier music: home, memory,loss, longing and hope,knowledge of limitations anddreams that weave intoeveryday experience.“For No Way There From Here, I

looked at what else Mark Nevershad done at Beech House withartists as diverse as AndrewBird, Lambchop and CharlieLouvin, saw how open thecreative process is thereand felt it would be a goodplace to start.“It’s so ironic for me that when

I looked for a studio in which tocreatively experiment and letloose, the freest place I couldthink of was literally a couple ofmiles from the house where Igrew up.”The result is a collection rich

with texture and melody, withcountry and southerninfluences, built on thefoundation of Cantrell’s songsand unique voice.

David Marks

33

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FILM

Brace yourself for the Citizen Kane of bad films

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Watching The Room is likecrossing over to acounterfactual universewhere the rules of film,grammar andscreenwriting have beenwritten by Dan Brown,”

says Ed Whitfield, of The Ooh TraySince the Bristol Bad Film Club was started

back in August last year, there has been onefilm that attendees have been asking for. It isthe film that inspired founders Ti Singh andTim Popple to start the club and is regardedas the “Citizen Kane of bad movies”. It is, ofcourse, The Room.“If you’ve never seen The Room, odds are

you will have heard of it,” says Ti Singh. “It isone of those films where its reputationprecedes and tales of its awfulness havebeen regaled by people to their friends.”So why is this film so bad? On paper, it

seems incredibly dull – there’s a bankernamed Johnny who suspects that his fiancéeLisa may be sleeping with his best friendMark.However, it is because the film was the

passion project of a single man, a man whowrote, produced, paid, directed and casthimself as the lead, which makes it soremarkable.

The man? TommyWiseau – an EasternEuropean “actor” who thought of himself asthe next Marlon Brando, and that The Roomwould be the next great American film.With no previous experience, Wiseau leapt

into making his film, investing $6 million ofhis own money into the production. Hisinexperience was soon evident to the castand crew.Instead of hiring equipment, as was the

industry norm, Wiseau bought it outright.Unsure whether digital or film was the futureof cinema, Wiseau taped both camerastogether causing shots to be out of focus oroddly framed. Whereas most directorswould have done things a particular way,Wiseau did the exact opposite.After an epic eight-month shoot, which

saw crew and assorted actors frequentlyfired, The Room was finally finished. Wiseaupaid for a red carpet premiere and rented aHollywood billboard that featured hisalarming headshot as the film’s poster.Audiences stayed away.The Roommade $1,800 at the box office

and closed after two weeks. One reviewersaid that watching The Room was like“getting stabbed in the head”.But that was not the end…Of the few people that saw the film, a

handful realised the magnitude of the film’sunintentional hilarity. This prompted a seriesof midnight screenings in and around LosAngeles that allowed The Room to solidify itsreputation as a cinematic experience,although not in the way Wiseau intended.Before long, The Room had worldwide cult

appeal and was being shown in cinemas allaround the world, with audienceparticipation on a par with The Rocky HorrorShow.Thanks to its infamous reputation, people

have sought it out and embraced the film,despite its many glaring flaws.All proceeds from the screening will be

going towards Children’s Hospice SouthWest.For more information, visit www.bristol

badfilmclub.co.uk or the club’s Twitter(@TheOtherBBFC) and Facebook page.

“

From Friday, February 14, 2014 Weekend 43

Bristol stars in this stylish, warped urban comedy

Developed by Bristol producerSarah Cox, from MattThorne’s award-winningnovel (and helped to thescreen by a successfulKickstarter campaign), 8Minutes Idle is a darkly

romantic comedy about a man whose life isso awful he moves into the call centre wherehe works.Bristol is as much of a character as the

cast of rising British talent, with plenty ofscope for local location spotting in this film,made under Creative England’s low-budgetfeature film initiative iFeatures (which beganin Bristol before going nationwide).The film was shot entirely in the city, and

is lined up for a Valentine’s Day release.After a decade of disposable culture, for

Dan (Tom Hughes), even the smallestambitions have been lost. Dan wronglyassumes that no one will have anyexpectations of him, and all he wants is aneasy life, but a misunderstanding with his

mother means he must resort to secretlyliving at work, with his cat. A complex web oflies leads Dan into a series of increasinglybizarre and uncompromising scenarios,where he finds himself gradually stripped ofeverything he has taken for granted: cleanclothes, iPod, friends and even his selfrespect.His future is uncertain, his life is in limbo,

and even his morality has been temporarilysuspended.Only a fragile blossoming love affair with

the one person, Teri (Ophelia Lovibond),who is (possibly) worse off than himselfprovides him with the courage to break oldhabits – and to dare to do something he hasnever had to do before – really care aboutsomeone other than himself.This is a stylish, warped urban comedy

about twenty-somethings who know what itmeans to put your life on hold.Ironically, the release of the film was itself

put on hold when funding issues surfaced.Matt, from Hanham, said the team were

preparing themselves for the film’s releasewhen it was announced that distributioncompany Revolver had gone bust.Supporters had a month to contribute to

the £20,000 needed to finally release the film.Donors could pledge from £5 to £5,000, therewards including pre-release downloads,credits on the film, limited edition Valentine’sDay cards and tickets to the film’s premiere.After reaching the funding goal – with the

help of celebrities such as Dom Joly – Mattsaid he was “bowled over” by the generosityand support from donors.“We all worked so hard on this film and the

possibility of it disappearing unseen wasdevastating. I’m so pleased that it’s going tobe in cinemas and people get the chance tosee it on the big screen,” he said.Among the donors who helped rescue the

film was Bristol comic writer and stand-upStephen Merchant, who said: “I’m reallylooking forward to seeing 8 Minutes Idle onthe big screen and pleased to be supportingthis exciting new British film.”

44

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What I do isemotional: itis aboutfeeling, andit is fromthe heart.Even though

it’s silly, it does involve puttingyourself on the line.” PerformerBarry Humphries is very clearthat, although there are plentyof laughs to his uproarious liveshows, there’s also anundercurrent of emotion behindhis wonderful characters –including the inimitable DameEdna Everage, the drunken andboorish Sydney socialite Sir LesPatterson, the gentle Melbournepensioner Sandy Stone andothers.And, right now, emotions are

running high among thesecharacters and their millions ofadmirers worldwide, asHumphries, Edna and the rest ofhis alter egos progress throughwhat will be their last ever tour.Due to popular demand,

Humphries has extended his UKfarewell tour to include severaldates over the next few months– and a week at BristolHippodrome is up next.Eat Pray Laugh!, which opened

in the UK back in October andfeatured a West End run over

“ Christmas, gives fans a chanceto bid farewell to Humphries,arguably Australia’s greatestentertainment export, and hisunforgettable creations.Dame Edna, of course, comes

first among these: the“housewife superstar” hasplayed the West End andBroadway on many occasions,performing to packed theatresincluding the Royal Albert Hall(at the splendidly named LastNight of the Poms). Best-knownamong her TV appearances,meanwhile, is the legendary andinnovative chat show The DameEdna Experience.Hippodrome audiences will be

treated to a show with two verydistinct halves. Act One featuresthe gentle, grandfatherly SandyStone, an elderly man living inthe suburbs of Melbourne who,as Humphries puts it,“reminisces about an Australiathat no longer exists”. “In myvanity I think audiences need abreak from laughing – and theylaugh at Sandy, but notuproariously,” he has noted.Sandy is followed by a set

from the hard-drinking,lecherous and hilariouslyplain-speaking Sir Les Patterson.And it’s the Dame, of course,

who is the headline act, almost

It’s going to be a tearful farewell, possums

the raison d’etre for this farewelltour. As Edna herself comments,the first half of the show servesas “just a bit of foreplay reallybefore I make an orgasmicappearance in Act Two”.Surrounded by spectacular setsand dancers, Dame Ednapromises to “empower”audiences as she meditates onthe big issues of gender,ethnicity and climate change.Humphries himself now has

some 60 years of showbizbehind him. Educated at theUniversity of Melbourne, wherehe studied law, philosophy andfine arts, Humphries performedregularly in university revuesbefore joining the newly formedMelbourne Theatre Companyand, in 1955, creating apurple-rinsed Melbournehousewife called Mrs EdnaEverage. He has regularlyupdated Edna over the sixdecades since: after appearingin London in the 1960s herwardrobe, for instance, began togrow ever more outlandish –and her popularity began toaccelerate at around the sametime.Edna has described her chat

shows as “an intimateconversation between twofriends, one of whom is a lot

more interesting than theother”, and Humphries has usedher to satirise the cult ofcelebrity, class snobbery, andprudishness – as well as to pokefun at political leaders, fashionsand contemporary mores.Edna’s costumes and

personality may be larger thanlife, but there’s also some verysmart wit to her commentarieson society and celebrity, whileher habit of treating celebrityinterviewees like ordinary folk(and often, during live shows, oftreating audience members likecelebrities) have helped carveout her totally distinctive placein entertainment history.This brand new show is

directed by award-winningAustralian theatre directorSimon Phillips, who directed theoriginal stage show of Priscilla,Queen of the Desert, with designby Tony Award-winning BrianThomson, who designed theoriginal Australian and Londonproductions of Jesus ChristSuperstar and The Rocky HorrorShow, as well as the closingceremony of the SydneyOlympic Games.In short, a hilarious,

beautifully staged and – asHumphries indicates –emotional spectacle awaits.

THEATRE

48

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Theatre listings continued...

Don’t miss The Chuckle Brothers:A 2014 Space Oddity

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The final frontier: Adventures in space and music

ART

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Cevdet Erek is aTurkish artist andmusicianinterested insound,architecture,rhythm – and in

howwe all organise our livesthroughmeasurements ofspace and time.As such, Cevdet’s brand new

exhibition-cum-installation forSpike Island in Bristol – aboutwhich he is remainingtight-lipped until the showopensthisweekend – should be anintriguingmix of themes,techniques andmedia.Erek’s work combines video,

sound and images, often in anattempt to alter the viewer’sperception and experience of theenvironment around them. “I’mparticularly interested in thewaywe apprehend theworld aroundus, and organise our lives,

throughmeasurements of space(metric system), time (calendarand clock) andmusic tempo(beats perminute),” the artistexplains.Workingwith his own versions

of rhythms andmarkers, Cevdethas been creating an immersivenew installation for the gallery atSpike Island.For the show, entitled Alt Ust

(which translates from theTurkish, roughly, as “upsidedown” or “topsy turvy”), hewillbring into play his responses tothe architecture of the gallery(the central atriumof a formertea-packing factory), the soundsalready present in the building –and thewider context of theBristolmusic scene.Cevdet has been in Bristol for a

fewmonths now, soaking up theatmosphere of our city andlooking for characteristics thatwill feed into his installation.So, what preconceptions about

Bristol did he bringwith him?“Nothing, really. I knewonly

about themusic scene here, buthad not updatedmymental

image of Bristol for a long time.“Since arriving inOctober I

have spentmost ofmy time inand around Spike Island, and Ihave been impressed bywhat Ilearned about the place and thepeoplewhowork there – both theartists and othersworking in thebuilding.“Meeting other peopleworking

in soundart in Bristol has alsobeen a learning experience.“I’ve alsowalked around town –

watching the tide, studying thearchitecture around thewater.”Cevdet has carried out a

number of such installations inthe past, responding to thearchitecture of certain spaces, bethey regular venues for showingand experiencing art –museums,galleries, cultural centres,musicvenues – or spaces for temporaryart events.In the German city of Kassel, for

example, Cevdet produced his2012 installation –Documenta –in a department store housedwithin awell-knownModernistbuilding.Back in Bristol, the artist is

giving little away about the finalmakeup of his Spike installation.“The showwill be a directreflection on the physical spaceand its perception and use, and Iwill be addingworks I havebroughtwithme and things fromother placeswhere I haveworked. I’ll be composing andrecomposing all these things untilthe opening, andwill probablyadd some further improvisationsalong theway.”Part of the spur for the Bristol

project was Cevdet’s realisationthat, likemany others around theworld, he had a certain image ofBristol in hismind, drawn from itsworld-class reputation formusic.“I already felt connected to

Bristol, albeit unconsciously, viaitsmusic scene, although I didn’trealise howmuchhad happenedhere – a list of bands fromBristolboth surprised and helpedmehere! And it alsomademe curiousaboutwhat is happening herenow.”

53

Don’t miss Jill Carter: Curious Narratives

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COMEDY

Characterking is infine voice

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58

BOOKS

Pirate Pete tackles city’s slave history

ABristol “pirate”is about tolaunch a newbook whichuncoverspreviouslyunknown

aspects of the city’s slave trade,with a psychological twist.Peter Martin, also known as

Pirate Pete, has spent 12 yearsdigging up facts for BristolSlavers, while psychiatrist DrIsioma Nwokolo explains thepsychological effects of thetrade.Peter, 72, who lives in Knowle,

said: “The difference betweenthis book and others written onthe subject is that I have solidevidence. This isn’t hearsay oropinion. I’m not interested inthe politics of it; I’m simplylaying out the facts.“The book focuses on all the

estates in the South West whichhave slave trade connections.“I don’t take ‘no’ for an

answer, which has meant I’vebeen into houses not exploredfor slavery artefacts before and

people have really bared theirsouls to me.”And Isioma has more reason

than most to take an interest.Originally from Nigeria, but nowliving in Dorset, Isioma hasdiscovered she is a descendantof the African king known as“The Greatest of Kings,” whoruled when the Bristol slaverswere trading.She said: “As a practising

psychiatrist I am, of course,interested in how slaveryaffected people and the mentaltrauma caused. I also look athow they behaved in the face ofadversity and how theyimproved themselves.“While Peter is the fact man, I

explore the human side.Peter has a varied history too,

having travelled widely, and hisexperiences are also charted inthe book. Born during an airraid on Bristol Cathedral, heattended Fairfield School andlater worked as a windowdisplay designer at Harrods for20 years before travelling theMiddle East as a designer.

Upon returning to Bristol,Peter began “Pirate Walks” andnow gives tours to more than10,000 tourists, locals andschool children every year.The book will be launched on

Thursday, February 20, atPlantation Caribbean Bar andRestaurant in Cotham. Ticketsto the launch event cost £10 ifpre-booked or £15 on the doorand include food, drinks and areggae-themed party until 3am.Books will be available to buy atthe event for a special price of£10, signed by both authors.For tickets, email

[email protected] orcall The Plantation on 01179077932 or 07747623788.

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60 ��

PROPERTY

Once a collection of farmbuildings, but now a smartGrade II listed home (bothfor horses and humans),New Cross Hands Farm issurrounded by unspoiltcountryside atop the

Cotswold ridge.The 18th-century property covers some

4,800 square feet over three storeys andcomprises six bedrooms, three or fourreceptions, a traditional-style kitchen/dinerwith Aga, and what could be twoindependent guest annexes.The interior is characterised by much

exposed stone work, oak floors, or neutralcarpets, lots of ceiling beams and fireplaceswith wood-burners, while the double height,galleried reception hall, pictured above, isdominated by floor-to-ceiling windows.On the floor here are flagstones which

continue through a wide opening to a dininghall, complete with built-in shelves.Equestrian facilities include seven stables,

several barns and secure storage, plus threepaddocks totalling 3.3 acres, with thepossibility of more grazing. The landborders bridleways to Badminton, theCotswold Way and the Old Sodbury hill fort.

Four miles from Chipping Sodbury and 3.3miles from junction 18 of the M4, the markettowns of Tetbury and Nailsworth (11 and12.7 miles distance respectively), providefurther shopping opportunities, whileWestonbirt Arboretum and the renownedCalcott Manor spa and restaurant are alsowithin easy reach.

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How to grow your own bouquet

Growing flowersfor cutting is afeel-goodactivity: a usefulway to reduceyour carbonfootprint, a

regular supply of seasonalblooms and a source of gifts forfriends and family. But most ofall, the sight of swathes ofcolourful petals will lift yourspirits and gladden your heart.The best time to sow and

plant flowers for cutting isbetween February and April. InFebruary, you can sow seedsunder cover either in agreenhouse, or on a sunnywindowsill. In March you cansow and plant outside in yourcutting patch, and in April youcan continue to sow and plantoutside, thinning out seedlingsto create stronger plants.The most useful types of

plants for a cutting garden arehardy annuals, half-hardyannuals, perennials and bulbs.When selecting your site,

choose an area with plenty ofsun and sheltered from wind,with well-drained, fertile andweed-free soil.

It is worth spending sometime preparing the soil bydigging it over and breakingdown larger soil clumps with theback of a rake to achieve a finetilth.Seeds sown indoors can be

placed sparingly in module traysand will germinate quickly ingood light. Once seedlings arelarge enough, and the risk offrost has passed, they can behardened off and planted out.Seeds planted outdoors

should be sown where they areto flower. Either sow by“broadcasting” (throwinghandfuls in a measured butrandom way) on prepared soil,or put into shallow drills drawnwith the edge of your rake.Bulbs, corms and tubers need

to be planted at therecommended times, and can beplaced in pots or straight intothe garden. The advantage ofplanting in pots is you can liftand transport the more tenderspecies to overwinter indoors.Once flowering, it is best to

pick blooms in the earlymorning, or in the evening, butnot in the heat of the day, asthey will wilt. To encourage

repeat flowering, cut just belowa leaf node. When pickingannuals, cut just above abudding side stem and leavethose side stems to developmore flowers. To ensure flowersare at peak condition, plunge cutflowers into a bucket of waterand leave in a shady place untilyou are ready to arrange them.Consider your arrangement

and what effect you want. Agood tip is to mix large-headedflowers with smaller blooms,and include some spikes orspires with a foliage filler.Choose complementary

colours, such as orange andpurple which “bounce” off eachother, for dramatic effect. Or youmight prefer a mono scheme,such as all-white flowers, ortoning shades of blue.For a bright bouquet, choose

lime green zinnia Envy with darkred dahlia Rip City, orangeAsiatic lily Fire King with greeneuphorbia oblongata for foliage.For a cool and calm bouquet,

try white cosmos Purity withsalvia patens Cambridge Blue,lacy white ammi majus andapple green molucella laevis forfoliage. For a velvety rich

bouquet, choose dark crimsongladiolus Espresso withorangey-red helenium MoerheimBeauty, magenta dahliaDownham Royal, with stems ofcotinus coggygria as a filler.When you are ready to

arrange your flowers, prepare avase with water, a drop ofbleach and a teaspoonful ofsugar. This will prevent thebuild-up of bacteria and thesugar will feed the flowers.Remove leaves from the lowerpart of the stem which will bebelow water level, and cut thebase of the stem at a slight angleto prevent it sealing over.Remember to change the waterevery few days, and keep yourarrangement well away fromfruit bowls which will emitethylene, a chemical that willencourage flowers to fade fast.If you are giving flowers as a

gift, wrap in somewater-resistant tissue paper, andtie with raffia or ribbon.There are endless possibilities

to grow a lovely range of cutflowers and, for quite a modestoutlay and regular effort, youcan fill your house with bloomsfor months on end.

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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 10.00 SaturdayKitchen Live (S,HD). 11.30 Food & Drink(R,S,HD). 12.00 Football Focus (S,HD). DanWalker and guests look ahead to theweekend’s action. 12.45 SaturdaySportsday (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News;Regional News and Weather (S,HD). 1.15Live Athletics: British Grand Prix (S,HD).Coverage from the National Indoor Arenain Birmingham. 4.30 Final Score (S,HD).5.15 Reflex (S,HD).

7.10 The Voice UK (S,HD). 6/14. SeeChoices Above.

6.00 Regional News (S,HD).6.20 Pointless Celebrities (R,S,HD).

1/6. Charity edition, featuringMartin Offiah and Phil Tufnell.

8.30 The National Lottery: WhoDares Wins (S,HD). 7/8. Gameshow in which strangers pair upto win money.

9.20 Casualty (S,HD). 25/48. Iaindefies orders by rushing into aburning building to save a manlooking for his girlfriend, whileLily steps in as a magician’sassistant when his usual partnersuffers a fall.

10.10Mrs Brown’s Boys (R,S,HD).2/6. Cathy refuses to introduceher boyfriend, Mark will notreveal why his wife threw himout, and Dermot lies about hisjob – which convinces Agnesher family is too secretive.

10.40 BBC News; Weather (S,HD).Followed by National LotteryUpdate.

11.00 Live at the Apollo (R,S,HD).1/6. Comedy sets by EddieIzzard, Josh Widdicombe andTrevor Noah.

11.45 The Football League Show(S). Highlights of today’s games.

1.00 Weatherview (S). 1.05 BBC News(S,HD).

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6.00 CITV. 9.25 ITV News (S). 9.30 DinnerDate (R,S). 10.30 Murder, She Wrote(R,S,HD). 11.30 ITV News and Weather (S).11.40 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (S).12.35 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries (R,S).1.05 The Unforgettable Ernie Wise (R,S).2.05 Film: You Only Live Twice (S,HD)(1967). See Choices Above. ●●●●● 4.20ITV News West Country (S). 4.30 ITVNews and Weather (S). 4.45 Live FA CupFootball (S,HD). Manchester City v Chelsea.

6.10 The Hoobs (R,S). 7.00 Trans WorldSport (S). 8.00 The Morning Line (S,HD).9.00 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S).9.30 Frasier (R,S). 10.00 The Big BangTheory (R,S,HD). 11.00 How I Met YourMother (S,HD). 11.55 The Simpsons (R,S).12.25 Undercover Boss USA (R,S,HD).1.25 Channel 4 Racing (S,HD). Livecoverage from Ascot, Haydock Park andWincanton. 4.10 Come Dine with Me(R,S,HD).

6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Access. 10.05 TheDog Rescuers (R,S,HD). 10.35 Film: DaddyDay Camp (S) (2007). ● 12.20 Film: Landof the Lost (S,HD) (2009). Comedyadventure, starring Will Ferrell. ●● 2.05Film: Planet of the Apes (S,HD) (2001). Sci-fi adventure remake, starring MarkWahlberg. ●●● 4.20 Diagnosis Murder(R,S). 5.20 Film: Columbo: Requiem for aFalling Star (S) (1973). Crime drama,starring Peter Falk. ●●●

7.20 Splash! (S,HD). 7/7. See ChoicesAbove.

6.15 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).Ameena Cott hosts the finaldinner party in Gloucestershire.

6.45 Channel 4 News (S).

6.45 5 News Weekend (S,HD).6.50 NCIS (R,S). 13/24. A terrorist

threatens to unleash a chemicalattack.

10.05 The Jonathan Ross Show(S,HD). 7/10. Jonathan is joinedby film star Uma Thurman,actor, comedian and BritAwards host James Corden andStrictly Come Dancing winnerAbbey Clancy. John Newmanprovides the music.

12.30 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 In Plain Sight (R,S,HD). Mary’s newwitness falls in love. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen(HD). Text-based information service.

7.05 The Restoration Man(R,S,HD). 1/7. A couple planningto turn a pumping station intoa design haven.

8.00 Walking Through History:Northumbria (S,HD). 2/3. TonyRobinson takes a five-day walkfrom Melrose in the ScottishBorders to Holy Island off thecoast of Northumberland,exploring the history of theancient kingdom of Northumbria.

9.00 Hostages (S,HD). 6/15. SeeChoices Above.

10.00 Inglourious Basterds (S,HD)(2009). Jewish-Americansoldiers on a Nazi-killing spreein occupied France aid aresistance plot to assassinateHitler. Tarantino’s wartimeadventure, with Brad Pitt andChristoph Waltz. ●●●●

12.55 Film: Before the Devil KnowsYou’re Dead (S,HD) (2007). Crime drama,starring the late Philip Seymour Hoffman.●●●● 2.45 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). Omnibus.4.50 Location, Location, Location(R,S,HD). House-hunting in London. 5.45Baking Mad with Eric Lanlard (R,S,HD).The patissier makes a chocolate celebrationcake.

7.35 NCIS (R,S). 14/24. The agents tryto track down an arms dealer inpossession of the launch codesfor the Navy’s encryptedsatellite defence system.

8.30 NCIS Movie: Judgement Day(R,S). 18&19/19. See ChoicesAbove.

11.55 Access. Showbiz news andgossip.

10.10 Secrets in the Walls (S) (2010).A single mother investigatesthe haunting of her new homeas her daughter comes underthe influence of supernaturalforces. Horror, with Jeri Ryanand Marianne Jean-Baptiste.●●●

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 Gibraltar: Britain in theSun (R,S,HD). 4.00 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 4.25Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 The Funky ValleyShow (R,S). 5.00 Angels of Jarm (R,S).5.10 Hana’s Helpline (R,S). 5.20 Angelsof Jarm (R,S). 5.30 The Funky ValleyShow (R,S). 5.40 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).5.50 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).

12.30 Live Winter Olympics (S,HD).Jonathan Edwards presents furthercoverage of day eight in Russia, featuringlive ice hockey, speed skating, curling andskeleton. 4.30 Live Winter Olympics(S,HD). Clare Balding takes over to presentthe concluding coverage on day eight inRussia, with skeleton, curling and skijumping the three sports taking place.Subsequent programmes subject tochange.

7.00Winter Olympics: Today atthe Games (S,HD). ClareBalding introduces highlightsfrom day eight in Russia.

8.00 Top Gear (R,S,HD). 2/7. RichardHammond gets behind thewheel of the Alfa Romeo 4C,Jeremy Clarkson puts theMcLaren P1 hypercar to the testand Thor star Tom Hiddlestondrives the Reasonably PricedCar.

9.00 True Grit (S,HD) (2010). SeeChoices Above. ●●●●●

10.45 QI XL (S,HD). 3/16. Rob Brydon,Phill Jupitus, Cal Wilson andAlan Davies try to come up withinteresting answers to StephenFry’s questions about journeys,in an extended version of thequiz.

11.30 The Notorious Bettie Page(S) (2005). See Choices Above.●●●

11.05 ITV News and Weather (S);Weather.

11.20 FA Cup Football Highlights(S,HD). Action from the fifth-round matches.

1.00 Film: Love (S,HD) (2011). Premiere.Sci-fi drama, starring Gunner Wright. ●●●2.15 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview ofupcoming programmes. 5.00 Live WinterOlympics (S,HD). Coverage of the openingevents on day nine in Russia.

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8.50 Take Me Out (S,HD). 7/8. Arugby player, a physiotherapist,a gymnastics coach and adrainage engineer try toimpress the panel of womenand win a date to the Isle ofFernandos. Paddy McGuinnesspresents.

The National Lottery … 8.30pm QI XL, 10.45pm The Jonathan Ross Show, 10.05pm Walking Through History … 8pm NCIS Movie: Judgement … 8.30pm

HOSTAGES9pm, Channel 4When Ellen’s sister Lauren turns upunexpectedly at the Sanders’ house intendingto stay, Duncan forces the surgeon to find away of getting rid of her sibling withoutarousing suspicion. Meanwhile, Kramer helpsSandrine find the money she needs, andHoffman makes progress with his investigation.

TRUE GRIT9pm, BBC2Premiere. A 14-year-oldfarm girl recruits a hard-drinking, one-eyed marshalto help her track down theman who killed her father.Western, starring JeffBridges and Hailee Steinfeld.

NCIS MOVIE: JUDGEMENT DAY8.30pm, Channel 5The funeral of a special agent in Los Angelesleads Shepard on a dangerous covert missionto finish some classified business she began adecade previously in Europe. Whileinvestigating a mysterious Russian connectedto the past operation, Ziva is unable to shakethe feeling that the director is in trouble.

6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R).6.45 Coronation Street (S,HD).9.05 Emmerdale (S,HD). 12.15You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 3.20Film: Horrid Henry: The Movie(S,HD) (2011). Children’s comedy,starring Theo Stevenson. ●● 5.15Film: The Flintstones in VivaRock Vegas (S,HD) (2000). Familycomedy prequel, starring MarkAddy. ●●●

11.15 The MagalufWeekender (R,S,HD).6/6. Rep Jordan isthrilled to welcomeWelsh guests to thehotel. Last in the series.

12.15 Film: State of Play (S,HD)(2009). Political thriller, starringRussell Crowe. ●●●● 2.35 You’veBeen Framed! (R,S). Featuring aman’s seal impression. 3.00Teleshopping. Home shopping.

SPLASH!7.20pm, ITVVernon Kay and GabbyLogan present the final, asPerri Kiely, Keith DuffyRichard Whitehead and DanOsborne attempt to divetheir way to victory with thehelp of coach Tom Daley. Last in the series.

BBC1

THE VOICE UK7.10pm, BBC1Emma Willis and MarvinHumes are backstagefor the penultimateweek of blind auditionsin front of mentorsKylie Minogue,Will.i.am, Tom Jones and Ricky Wilson.

FILMRATINGS●●●●●Excellent●●●●Very good●●●Good●●Average●Poor(R) repeat(S) subtitles(HD) high-definition

TVPICK

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6.00 Beauty and the Geek (R).6.45 Coronation Street (S,HD).9.05 Emmerdale (S,HD). 12.15You’ve Been Framed! (R,S). 3.20Film: Horrid Henry: The Movie(S,HD) (2011). Children’s comedy,starring Theo Stevenson. ●● 5.15Film: The Flintstones in VivaRock Vegas (S,HD) (2000). Familycomedy prequel, starring MarkAddy. ●●●

7.00 Rumor Has It (S,HD)(2005). A woman setsoff for San Francisco insearch of a man whohad affairs with hermother andgrandmother. RobReiner’s romanticcomedy, starringJennifer Aniston andKevin Costner. IncludingFYI Daily. ●●

11.15 The MagalufWeekender (R,S,HD).6/6. Rep Jordan isthrilled to welcomeWelsh guests to thehotel. Last in the series.

12.15 Film: State of Play (S,HD)(2009). Political thriller, starringRussell Crowe. ●●●● 2.35 You’veBeen Framed! (R,S). Featuring aman’s seal impression. 3.00Teleshopping. Home shopping.

9.00 Bridget Jones: TheEdge of Reason (S,HD)(2004). The haplessjournalist’s new romancelooks set to be short-lived when she ends upserving time in a Thaiprison. Comedy sequel,starring ReneeZellweger, Colin Firthand Hugh Grant.Including FYI Daily. ●●●

6.00 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 3/22.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 24/24.

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 Make It orBreak It (R,S,HD). 7.15 Ugly Betty(R,S,HD). 8.05 Charmed (R,S). 9.05 Glee(R,S,HD). 10.05 The Mindy Project(R,S,HD). 10.35 Rules of Engagement(R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met Your Mother(R,S,HD). 2.00 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD).2.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.30How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 4.30Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 5.30 HowI Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 1/24. Howardgets caught in a strangeargument.


8.00 The Tomorrow People(R,S,HD). 6/22. SeeChoices Above.

12.00 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). 1.00The Midnight Beast (R,S,HD). 1.35How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).2.05 How I Met Your Mother(R,S,HD). 2.30 2 Broke Girls(R,S,HD). 2.55 The Ricky GervaisShow (R,S,HD). 3.20 The RickyGervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.45 Glee(R,S,HD). 4.30 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).

9.00 Role Models (S,HD)(2008). After a brushwith the law, twoirresponsible men haveto look after troubledkids as communityservice. Comedy, withPaul Rudd, SeannWilliam Scott andChristopher Mintz-Plasse. ●●●●

6.00 Harrow: A Very BritishSchool (R,S,HD). 4/8.The school’s eclecticrange of traditions.

6.00 Glee (R,S,HD). 8.00 TheFantasy Football Club. 9.00Game Changers. 10.00 SoccerAM. 12.00 WWE Superstars. 1.00Ashley Banjo’s Big Town Dance(R,S,HD). 2.00 Sinbad (R,S,HD). 3.00Futurama (R,S). 4.00 Jack Ryan:Shadow Recruit Special (R,S,HD).4.30 Grudge Match Special(R,S,HD). 5.00 Greggs: More ThanMeats the Pie (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).11/22.

7.30 Cloudy 2: ExtraToppings (R,HD).


8.20 A League of TheirOwn (R,S,HD). 1/12.Jimmy Carr and PhilTaylor join team captainsJamie Redknapp andAndrew “Freddie”Flintoff on the sports-based comedy quiz.

10.20 Commando (S) (1985).A retired military officerbattles a treacherouscomrade and a formerdictator, who havekidnapped his daughter.Action adventure,starring ArnoldSchwarzenegger andRae Dawn Chong. ●●●

12.05 An Idiot Abroad 2 (R,S,HD).Karl Pilkington watches whales inAlaska. 1.05 Brit Cops: RapidResponse (R,S). 2.00 Brit Cops:Law & Disorder (R,S). 3.00 BritCops: Law & Disorder (R,S). 4.00Crash Test Dummies (R,S,HD).5.00 Crash Test Dummies(R,S,HD).

9.20 The Kumars (R,S,HD).5/6. Emilia Fox, Richard EGrant and CarolineQuentin are the guestson the comedy chatshow, hosted by SanjeevBhaskar.

6.05 The Brittas Empire (S). 6.35Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 9.00 OnlyFools and Horses (S). 9.40 OnlyFools and Horses (S). 11.00 OnlyFools and Horses (S). 11.40 OnlyFools and Horses (S). 1.15 OnlyFools and Horses (S). 1.55 OnlyFools and Horses (S). 3.00 OnlyFools and Horses (S). 3.40 OnlyFools and Horses (S). 5.00 OnlyFools and Horses (S).

7.15 Only Fools and Horses(S). Christmas specialfrom 1982. Del-Boy findsa new lady friend.

7.55 Only Fools and Horses(S). 1/6. Del-Boy becomesa yuppie and Rodneybegins attending acomputer course atnight school, where hemeets Cassandra. WithDavid Jason and the lateRoger Lloyd Pack.

10.20 The Office (S). 3/6. Brentis headhunted.

11.00 Yes Minister (S). 2/7.A conflict of interestsarises.

11.40 Yes Minister (S). 3/7.Hacker makes adisturbing discovery.

12.20 The Office (S). The newmembers of staff arrive fromSwindon. 1.00 The Office (S). Thestaff receive their annual appraisals.1.30 The Office (S). Brent isheadhunted. 2.00 The Bleak OldShop of Stuff (S). 2.30 TheBrittas Empire (S). 3.00 Close

9.00 The Office (S). 1/6. Thenew members of staffarrive from Swindon.

9.40 The Office (S). 2/6. Thestaff receive their annualappraisals.

6.55 Live Spanish Football(HD). Barcelona v RayoVallecano (Kick-off7.00pm). Coverage oftonight’s La Liga matchat the Nou Camp.

6.00 Football Gold (S). 6.30Ringside (HD). 7.30 ChampionsLeague Weekly (HD). 8.00 TheFantasy Football Club (HD). 9.00Game Changers (HD). 10.00Soccer AM (HD). 12.00 ChampionsLeague Weekly (HD). 12.30 LiveScottish Premiership Football(HD). 3.00 Live Super Rugby (HD).5.00 The Making of Messi. 5.15Spanish Football (HD).

11.00 Ronaldo: A GoldenYear (S,HD).

11.30 The Making of Messi(S,HD).

11.45 Spanish Football Gold(HD). Real Madrid vBarcelona.

12.00 Saturday Reloaded (S,HD).A round-up of the latest footballgoals. 1.00 Spanish Football (HD).Atletico Madrid v Real Valladolid.2.00 Scottish PremiershipFootball (HD). 2.30 Football Gold(S). 2.45 Football Gold. 3.00Spanish Football (HD). 4.00 ATPTennis. 5.00 ATP Tennis.

9.00 Live Spanish Football(HD). Villarreal v CeltaVigo (Kick-off 9.00pm).Coverage of the La Ligamatch at the Estadio ElMadrigal.

Rumor Has It, 7pm Role Models, 9pm The Kumars, 9.20pm The Office, 9pm Live Football, 12.30pm

SPLASH!7.20pm, ITVVernon Kay and GabbyLogan present the final, asPerri Kiely, Keith DuffyRichard Whitehead and DanOsborne attempt to divetheir way to victory with thehelp of coach Tom Daley. Last in the series.

THE TOMORROW PEOPLE8pm, E4Stephen and Russell encounter Piper, apotential new break-out, during a night outin a pool hall. The distance between Johnand Cara grows as they fail to communicate,and Russell is upset when he discovers thathis father – with whom he had a fracturedrelationship – has died.


11.30 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 4/24. Howardtries to win backBernadette.

7.00 Doctor Who:The UltimateGuide (R,S,HD).An in-depth lookat the sci-fi show.

8.00 Great MovieMistakes 2: TheSequel (R,S).Presented byRobert Webb.

9.00Meet theFockers (S,HD)(2004). Comedysequel, with BenStiller and RobertDe Niro. ●●●

10.55 Family Guy (R,S).Stewie becomesconvinced he hasskin cancer.

11.15 Family Guy (R,S).Quagmire loseshis job as a pilot.

11.35 Family Guy (R,S).Peter befriendsBill Clinton.

12.00 Family Guy (R,S).12.20 Family Guy (R,S).12.45 Family Guy (R,S).1.05 Family Guy (R,S).1.25 Family Guy (R,S).1.50 Sexy Beasts (R,S,HD).2.50 Uncle (R,S,HD). 3.20Live at the Electric(R,S,HD). 3.50 GreatMovie Mistakes:Revenge of the Fifth(R,S).

7.00Wild China(R,HD). Anexamination ofthe country’sheartland.

8.00 Lost Kingdomsof SouthAmerica (R,HD).The history ofSouth America’sancientcivilisations.

9.00 Salamander(HD). Paul Gerarditakes shelter in amonastery.

9.50 Salamander(HD). Paul fleesthe monastery.

10.40 Boogie Fever: ATOTP2 DiscoSpecial (R). SteveWright presentsperformances ofdisco classics fromthe BBC archives,featuring GeorgeMcCrae, Chic,Gloria Gaynor,Sophie Ellis-Bextor and theWeather Girls.

12.10 Queens of Disco(R). 1.10 The Sky at Night(R,HD). 1.40 Wild China(R,HD). 2.40 LostKingdoms of SouthAmerica (R,HD).

YOU ONLY LIVETWICE2.05pm, ITVJames Bond investigatesthe disappearance of USand Soviet spacecraft.Spy thriller, with SeanConnery and DonaldPleasence.

THE NOTORIOUSBETTIE PAGE11.30pm, BBC2Biographical dramaabout the life of thecontroversial pin-upmodel who createdscandal in the 1950s.With Gretchen Mol.

ITV2 E4 Sky1 GOLD Sky Sports 1 BBC3 BBC4

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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.00 The AndrewMarr Show (S,HD). 10.00 The BigQuestions (S,HD). 11.00 Sunday Politics(S). 12.15 Wanted Down Under Revisited(R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News (S,HD). 1.15Bargain Hunt (R,S). 2.00 The IndianDoctor (R,S,HD). 2.45 Escape to theCountry (R,S,HD). 3.30 Hidden Kingdoms(R,S,HD). 4.30 Lifeline (S,HD). 4.40 Songsof Praise (S,HD). 5.15 PointlessCelebrities (R,S,HD).

7.00 Countryfile (S,HD). A visit toWiltshire, where Matt Bakerfinds out about the county’shistory at the forefront of thepig industry. Including Weatherfor the Week Ahead.

6.05 Regional News (S,HD).6.30 Blandings (S,HD). 1/7.

See Choices Above.

8.00 Call the Midwife (S,HD). 5/8.A young woman with Down’ssyndrome is brought in feelingunwell, and turns out to be sixmonths pregnant. The staffprepare to celebrate SisterEvangelina’s 50th jubilee.

9.00 The British Academy FilmAwards (S,HD). Stephen Fryhosts the ceremony live fromthe Royal Opera House inCovent Garden. AmericanHustle, Captain Phillips, Gravity,Philomena and 12 Years a Slavecompete for best film.

11.00 BBC News; Regional Newsand Weather (S,HD).

11.25 Doubt (S,HD) (2008). SeeChoices Above.●●●●


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6.00 CITV. 9.25 ITV News (S). 9.30Murder, She Wrote (R,S,HD). 10.30Dickinson’s Real Deal (R,S,HD). 11.25 ITVNews and Weather (S). 11.35 Inside theNational Trust (S,HD). 12.30 TheCrocodile Hunter Diaries (R,S). 1.00 LiveFA Cup Football (S,HD). Everton v SwanseaCity (Kick-off 1.30pm). 3.50 Splash!(R,S,HD). 5.20 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S).Featuring golfing mishaps. 5.50 ITV NewsWest Country (S).

6.10 The Hoobs (R,S). 7.00 Freesportson 4 (S). 7.30 Everybody LovesRaymond (R,S). 7.55 Frasier (R,S).8.25 The Taste (R,S,HD). 9.30 SundayBrunch (S). 12.30 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 1.25 How I Met Your Mother(S,HD). 2.20 The Simpsons (R,S). 3.20Film: Spy Kids 4: All the Time in theWorld (S,HD) (2011). See Choices Above.●● 5.00 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). Beat-the-banker game show.

6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Power RangersSuper Samurai (R,S,HD). 10.35 PowerRangers Megaforce (R,S,HD). 11.00Access (R). 11.05 Ben Fogle: New Lives inthe Wild (R,S,HD). 12.00 Ice RoadTruckers (R,S). 12.55 Ultimate EmergencyBikers (R,S,HD). 1.55 The Hotel Inspector(R,S,HD). 2.55 Film: What a Girl Wants (S)(2003).●● 5.00 Film: Paul Blart: Mall Cop(S,HD) (2009). Premiere. Comedy, starringKevin James.●●●

7.45 All Star Family Fortunes(S,HD). 8/10. With TV presenterJulia Bradbury and dartschampion Phil Taylor.

6.00 ITV News and Weather (S).6.15 Dancing on Ice (S,HD). 7/10.

The stars battle it out in tworival teams.

6.00 Channel 4 News (S).6.30 Gulliver’s Travels (S,HD)

(2010). See Choices Above.●●

6.55 5 News (S,HD).

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather.10.15 Birds of a Feather (R,S,HD).

7/8. Tracey, Sharon and Dorienlose their jobs.

10.45 FA Cup Highlights (S,HD).Matt Smith presents actionfrom the latest fifth-roundfixtures, which were Arsenal vLiverpool and Sheffield Unitedv Nottingham Forest.

12.45 The Store. Home shopping. 2.45The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (S). The hosttakes his successful talk show stateside.3.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (S). Thehost takes his successful talk show stateside.4.10 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-basedinformation service. 5.05 The Jeremy KyleShow (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

8.00 Scandimania (S,HD). 3/3. InNorway, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall meets the duobehind novelty song The Fox,joins oil workers on anemergency rescue rehearsaland dives for sea urchins. Lastin the series.

9.00 Red (S,HD) (2010). See ChoicesAbove.●●●

1.05 Boss (S,HD). Governor Cullen faces amedia storm. 2.00 The Secret MillionaireChanged My Life (R,S). 2.55 SecretRemovers (R,S,HD). Helping members ofthe public move house. 3.55 Location,Location, Location (R,S,HD). 4.50Supernanny US (R,S). 5.30 Deal or NoDeal: Love HQ (R,S,HD).

7.00 The River Wild (S) (1994).See Choices Above.●●●●

9.00 10,000 BC (S,HD) (2008). Ayoung mammoth-huntercrosses the wilderness to rescuehis lover and fellow villagersfrom slave raiders. Prehistoricfantasy adventure, starringSteven Strait and Camilla Belle.Edited for violence.●●

11.10 The Matrix Reloaded (S,HD)(2003). Sci-fi thriller sequel,starring Keanu Reeves.●●●

1.40 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.10 200 Nips & Tucks and IWant More! (R,S,HD). 4.00 Wildlife SOS(R,S). 4.25 Make It Big (R,S). 4.50 TheFunky Valley Show (R,S). 5.00 Angels ofJarm (R,S). 5.10 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).5.20 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.30 TheFunky Valley Show (R,S). 5.40 Hana’sHelpline (R,S). 5.50 Hana’s Helpline (R,S).

12.30 Live Winter Olympics (S,HD).Jonathan Edwards presents further livecoverage on day nine in Russia, featuringmen’s ice hockey, women’s speed skatingand men’s biathlon. 4.00 Live WinterOlympics (S,HD). Clare Balding introducesthe concluding coverage on day nine inRussia, featuring live figure skating andhighlights of the snowboarding andbobsleigh. Subsequent programmes subjectto change.

7.00Winter Olympics: Today atthe Games (S,HD). ClareBalding introduces highlightsfrom day nine in Russia.

8.00 Top Gear (S,HD). 3/7. JeremyClarkson, Richard Hammondand James May demonstratetheir love of small cars with atrip to Ukraine.

9.00 Dragons’ Den (S,HD). 10/12.An entrepreneur looks forinvestment for his chocolatedrink, a couple try to raiseinterest in their woollen duvetsand there is a pitch for achildren’s storage device.

10.00 Alan Davies Apres-Ski(R,S,HD). 2/3. The comedian andhis guests give their take on thelatest from Sochi.

10.30 Line of Duty (R,S,HD). 1/6. Thereturn of the crime thrillerabout a police anti-corruptionunit. Starring Keeley Hawes.

11.30 For Your Consideration (S)(2006). Spoof documentary,starring Christopher Guest.●●●●

11.45 Premiership Rugby Union(S,HD). Highlights of the latestfixtures in English rugby’s top-flight competition.

11.15 Under Siege 2: DarkTerritory (S,HD) (1995). Actionadventure sequel, starringSteven Seagal.●●

12.55 Sign Zone: Countryfile (R,S). 1.50Sign Zone: Holby City (R,S,HD). Jac risksbeing late for Emma’s christening to helpwith a case. 2.50 Sign Zone: The TruthAbout Immigration (R,S). 3.50 This IsBBC Two (S). Preview of upcomingprogrammes. 5.00 Live Winter Olympics(S,HD). The opening events on day 10 inRussia.

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8.30 Dancing on Ice: The SkateOff (S,HD). 7/9. Two celebritiesskate again to impress thejudges.

9.00Mr Selfridge (S,HD). 5/10.See Choices Above.

Countryfile, 7pm Dragons’ Den, 9pm Dancing on Ice, 6.15pm Gulliver’s Travels, 6.30pm 10,000 BC, 9pm

GULLIVER’S TRAVELS6.30pm, Channel 4A directionless loser tries to prove himself tothe woman he loves by volunteering for atravel writing assignment. He is sent to theBermuda Triangle, where he ends up strandedon an island populated by miniature people towhom he is a giant. Fantasy comedy, starringJack Black, Emily Blunt and Jason Segel.

MR SELFRIDGE9pm, ITVDelphine helps Harry domore for the war effortby introducing him tosenior government figures,Miss Mardle has asurprising house guest andLoxley seems to have cash to burn.

THE RIVER WILD7pm, Channel 5A headstrong white-water rafting expertembarks on a holiday with her family, buttheir fun comes to an abrupt end when twokillers show up. The fugitives’ only escaperoute from the law is down a raging river, sothey take the woman and her son hostage toact as guides. Thriller, with Meryl Streep.

BBC1

BLANDINGS6.30pm, BBC1New period comedyseries, starringTimothy Spall. Theobnoxious Duke ofDunstable comes tostay, with a dastardlyplan to get his host out of the way.


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6.00 Milkshake!. 10.00 Power RangersSuper Samurai (R,S,HD). 10.35 PowerRangers Megaforce (R,S,HD). 11.00Access (R). 11.05 Ben Fogle: New Lives inthe Wild (R,S,HD). 12.00 Ice RoadTruckers (R,S). 12.55 Ultimate EmergencyBikers (R,S,HD). 1.55 The Hotel Inspector(R,S,HD). 2.55 Film: What a Girl Wants (S)(2003).●● 5.00 Film: Paul Blart: Mall Cop(S,HD) (2009). Premiere. Comedy, starringKevin James.●●●

6.45 The Hot Desk – Example(R,S,HD). 6.55 Emmerdale(R,S,HD). 9.50 Coronation Street(R,S,HD). 12.15 Take Me Out(R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve BeenFramed! (R,S). 2.00 Film:Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties(S,HD) (2006).●●● 3.40 Film: TheMighty Ducks (S,HD) (1992).●●5.50 Film: The Perfect Man(S,HD) (2005).●●

8.00 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). Harry Hill unveilshis favourite top 10clips, featuringcamcorder chaos,featuring potty pets,fabulous falls, shocksand surprises.

11.25 The Big Reunion 2014(R,S,HD). 2/8. The storiesof Eternal and A1.

12.30 Mom (R,S,HD). 12.55 Dads(R,S,HD). 1.20 Totally BonkersGuinness World Records(R,S,HD). 1.45 Totally BonkersGuinness World Records(R,S,HD). 2.10 You’ve BeenFramed! (R,S). 3.00Teleshopping. Home shopping.

9.00 Ocean’s Eleven (S)(2001). A suaveex-convict assembles agang of crooks to helphim pull off the daringrobbery of three casinosin Las Vegas. Crimecomedy, with GeorgeClooney, Brad Pitt andJulia Roberts. IncludingFYI Daily.●●●●

6.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine(R,S,HD). 5/22.


6.45 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). 7.30Charmed (R,S). 8.20 How I MetYour Mother (R,S,HD). 9.50Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 12.30Revenge (R,S,HD). 1.30 Rules ofEngagement (R,S,HD). 2.30 TheBig Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD(R,S,HD). 4.00 The TomorrowPeople (R,S,HD). 5.00 Troy(R,S,HD).

7.00 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 2/24. Pennyconsiders breaking upwith Leonard.


8.00 Iron Man (S,HD) (2008).An arms manufacturerinvents a hi-tech suit ofarmour and uses it inthe fight against evilaround the world.Superhero adventure,starring Robert DowneyJr and Jeff Bridges.Edited for language andviolence.●●●●

10.25 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 1/24. Howardgets caught in a strangeargument.

10.55 Rude Tube (R,S,HD).6/6. Alex Zane presentsa countdown of 50 clipson the theme of travel,featuring the world’smost enthusiastictrainspotter and a manwho lives on his bike.

12.00 Rules of Engagement(R,S,HD). 12.30 Rules ofEngagement (R,S,HD). 1.00 TheRicky Gervais Show (R,S,HD).1.30 The Ricky Gervais Show(R,S,HD). 2.00 The ClevelandShow (R,S,HD). 2.30 TheCleveland Show (R,S,HD). 2.50The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD).

6.00 Jordan & Perri’sUltimate Block Party(R,S,HD). 6/8.


9.20 Jordan & Perri’s UltimateBlock Party (R,S,HD). 9.50 WWESuperstars (R). 10.50 WWE:Experience. 11.50 Sinbad(R,S,HD). 12.50 Futurama:Welcome to the World ofTomorrow (R,S). 1.30 Futurama(R,S). 2.00 Modern Family(R,S,HD). 4.30 The Simpsons (R,S).5.00 Ashley Banjo’s Big TownDance (R,S,HD).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).12/22. Moe’s bar towelturns out to have a lifeof its own.

7.30 Duck Quacks Don’tEcho (S). 2/8.

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).21/22. Friendships aretested when Carl skipstown with lotterywinnings.

8.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).17/22.

10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles(S,HD). 5/24. Thegirlfriend of a formerNavy officer iskidnapped, so analystNell Jones joins the restof the team in the fieldto investigate. Deeksunwittingly breaks oneof Hetty’s rules.

12.00 An Idiot Abroad 2 (R,S,HD).Karl Pilkington travels to Africa tospend time with gorillas. 1.00NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00Brit Cops: Law & Disorder (R,S).3.00 Brit Cops: Law & Disorder(R,S). 4.00 Crash Test Dummies(R,S,HD). 5.00 Crash TestDummies (R,S,HD).

11.00 A League of TheirOwn (R,HD). 6/11. WithRonnie O’Sullivan,Jimmy Carr and ChristineBleakley.

9.00 Hawaii Five-0 (S,HD).5/24. See Choices Above.

6.00 2point4 Children (S). Bill andRona go shopping in France andreturn with more than theybargained for. Domestic comedy,starring Belinda Lang. 6.30 YesMinister (S). A conflict of interestsarises at the Ministry ofAdministrative Affairs when Hackerintroduces controversial cost-cutting measures. 9.00 Only Foolsand Horses (S).

7.15 Only Fools and Horses(S). 4/6. The Trotters fallfor the same girl.

7.55 Only Fools and Horses(S). 6/8.

10.20 Knowing Me,Knowing You – WithAlan Partridge (S). 3/6.Guests include Europe’ssexiest dance act.

11.00 Yes Minister (S). 4/7.Jim runs into anenvironmentalcontroversy.

11.40 Yes Minister (S). 5/7.Rumours anger JimHacker.

12.20 I’m Alan Partridge (S). Alanmeets his biggest fan. 1.00 I’mAlan Partridge (S). Alan’s careertakes an upturn. 1.30 KnowingMe, Knowing You – With AlanPartridge (S). Guests includeEurope’s sexiest dance act. 2.00 TheBleak Old Shop of Stuff (S). 2.302point4 Children (S). 3.00 Close

9.00 I’m Alan Partridge (S).5/6. Alan meets hisbiggest fan.

9.40 I’m Alan Partridge (S).6/6. Alan’s career takesan upturn.

6.00 Live Spanish Football(HD). Athletic Bilbao vEspanyol (Kick-off6.00pm).

6.00 Football League Gold (S).6.15 Football Gold (S,HD). 6.30Spanish Football (HD). 7.30 GameChangers (HD). 8.30 The SundaySupplement (HD). 10.00 Goals onSunday (HD). 11.00 The SundaySupplement (HD). 12.30 LiveScottish Premiership Football(HD). 3.00 FL72 Live (HD). QueensPark Rangers v Reading (Kick-off3.30pm).

11.00 FL72 Highlights (HD).Queens Park Rangers vReading.

11.30 Scottish PremiershipFootball (HD). Celtic v StJohnstone.

12.00 Spanish Football (HD). 1.00Premier League Years (S).Memorable moments from the1997/98 season. 3.00 ScottishPremiership Football (HD). 3.30FL72 Highlights (HD). 4.00Spanish Football (HD). 5.00Scottish Premiership Football(HD). 5.30 FL72 Highlights (HD).

10.00 Scottish PremiershipFootball (HD). Celtic v StJohnstone.

10.30 Football League Gold(S,HD). Charlton Athleticv Sunderland from 1998.

10.45 Football Gold (S).Everton v Liverpool fromthe 2000/01 season.

The Perfect Man, 5.50pm Iron Man, 8pm Hawaii Five-0, 9pm I’m Alan Partridge, 9pm FL72 Live, 3pm

RED9pm, Channel 4A retired CIA agent survivesan assassination attempt, andreunites his old hit squad tofind out who wants themdead. Action thriller, starringBruce Willis and MorganFreeman.

HAWAII FIVE-09pm, Sky1A seemingly routine surveillance job takes adeadly turn for Catherine and her ex, Billy,leading the team to a hitman. McGarrett isdesperate to find Doris, so he turns to retiredNavy Seal Joe White for help in locating hiselusive mother, while Adam considers givinghimself up to the Yakuza to save Kono.

8.00 Live Spanish Football(HD). Sevilla v Valencia(Kick-off 8.00pm).Coverage of thisevening’s La Liga clash atthe Estadio RamonSanchez Pizjuan.

7.00 Pop’s GreatestDance Crazes(R,S).

7.10 The Voice UK(R,S,HD).

8.30 The BritishAcademy FilmAwards: RedCarpet (S,HD).

9.00 RussellHoward’s GoodNews (R,S,HD).

9.30 RussellHoward’s GoodNews (R,S,HD).

10.00 Family Guy(R,S,HD).

10.25 Family Guy(R,S,HD).

10.45 Uncle (R,S,HD).11.15 American Dad!

(R,S,HD).11.40 American Dad!

(R,S,HD).12.00 American Dad!(R,S,HD). 12.20 AmericanDad! (R,S). 12.45American Dad! (R,S). 1.05Ja’mie: Private SchoolGirl (R,S,HD). 1.30 Sun,Sex and SuspiciousParents: Thailand(R,S,HD). 2.30 RussellHoward’s Good News(R,S,HD). 3.00 RussellHoward’s Good News(R,S,HD). 3.30 Uncle(R,S,HD).

7.00 Francesco’s ItalyTop to Toe (R).

8.00 The World’sMost BeautifulEggs: TheGenius of CarlFaberge (R,HD).

9.00 Bunkers,Brutalism andBloody-mindedness:Concrete Poetrywith JonathanMeades (HD).

10.00 Free Men (HD)(2011). Premiere.An Algerian inNazi-occupiedFrance is forcedto become a spy,but ends upjoining aresistance cell.SecondWorldWar drama, withTahar Rahim.●●●

11.35 Neil Sedaka:King of Song(R,HD). Adocumentaryportrait of the USmusician’s life.

12.35 Neil Sedaka Says:All You Need Is the Music(R). 1.20 Kings of Rock ’n’Roll (R). 2.20 Francesco’sItaly Top to Toe (R).

SPY KIDS 4: ALL THETIME IN THE WORLD3.20pm, Channel 4Premiere. Two childrenlearn their stepmotheris a secret agent. Familyadventure, starringJessica Alba and JeremyPiven.

DOUBT11.25pm, BBC1A disciplinarian nun at aCatholic school suspectsa charismatic priest ofbehavinginappropriately with astudent. Drama, withMeryl Streep.


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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 WantedDown Under Revisited 10.00 HomesUnder the Hammer 11.00 The SheriffsAre Coming 11.45 Saints andScroungers (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt(S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30Regional News (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD).2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to theCountry 3.45 James Martin: HomeComforts 4.30 Put Your Money WhereYour Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hostedby Alex Jones and Matt Baker.

7.30 Regional Programme (S,HD).Followed by BBC News;Regional News.

6.00 BBC News (S,HD); Weather.6.30 Regional News (S); Weather.

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). A guest atthe Beales’ highlights thetension between Ian andDenise.

8.30 Kidnapped: Betrayed byBritain? – Panorama (S,HD).The disappearance of a Britishbusinessman in Dubai.

9.00 Britain’s Great War (S,HD).4/4. Jeremy Paxman concludeshis history of the First WorldWar, focusing on the final 12months of the conflict, whenthe country came close todefeat. Last in the series. SeeChoices Above.

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).10.25 Regional News (S); Weather.10.35 Have I Got Old News for You

(R,S,HD). 5/9. With MelGiedroyc, Ross Noble and theRev Richard Coles.

11.20 Regional Programme (S).

12.00 The Graham Norton Show(R,S,HD). With Matt Damon, HughBonneville, Jean Dujardin and PalomaFaith. 12.45 Weatherview (S). 12.50 BBCNews (S,HD).

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6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S).9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 10.30This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women(S,HD). Celebrity interviews and topicalstudio discussion. 1.30 ITV News andWeather (S). 1.55 ITV News WestCountry (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal(S,HD). From Coalville, Leicestershire. 3.00The Alan Titchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59Regional Programme (S). 4.00 TippingPoint (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (R,S,HD).

6.25 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.10 Will &Grace (R,S,HD). 8.00 Everybody LovesRaymond (R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S). 11.00The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S).12.05 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S).2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or NoDeal (S,HD). Beat-the-banker game show.4.30 Come Dine with Me (S,HD). 5.00Coach Trip (S,HD). 5.30 Superstar Dogs:Countdown to Crufts (S).

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun (R,S,HD).1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S,HD).3.15 Film: McBride: It’s Murder, Madam(S) (2005). See Choices Above.●● 5.00 5News at 5 The day’s headlines. (S,HD). 5.30Neighbours Kyle discovers Georgia ispregnant. (R,S,HD).

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Val tellsEric she could be HIV positive.

7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).Peter and Tina enjoy apassionate evening in the flatabove the bookie’s.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.6.30 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 13/20.With the voice of Topher Grace.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Jasonstruggles with his knowledgeof Fraser’s illicit secret.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).Bianca submits a formalcomplaint about MsMontgomery.

6.30 NewsTalk Live (S,HD).

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S).10.30 ITV News West Country (S);

Weather.10.35 The Agenda (S,HD). 2/10. Tom

Bradby and guests look to theweek ahead.

12.05 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 Champions League Weekly (S,HD).A look ahead to the last 16 of Europeanfootball’s elite competition. 3.25 TheJeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). The hosttakes his successful talk show stateside.4.10 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-basedinformation service. 5.05 The Jeremy KyleShow (R,S). Guests air their differences.


8.00 A&E’s Missing Millions –Channel 4 Dispatches (S).Financial penalties imposed onhospitals that miss governmenttargets.

8.30 Benefits Street: The LastWord (S).

9.00 Benefits Britain: The Debate(S). See Choices Above.

10.00 8 Out of 10 Cats (S). 1/9. Newseries. Jimmy Carr hosts thetopical comedy panel show.

10.50 Troy (S,HD). 1/6. A magicianuses everyday objects andsituations to baffle and amazemembers of the public. In thefirst edition, Troy demonstratesspeed-dating with a difference.

12.45 Random Acts (S,HD). 12.50Scandal (R,S,HD). 1.35 Hostages (R,S,HD).2.20 World Without End (R,S,HD).Godwyn sentences Caris to be burned as awitch. Last in the series. 3.55 SupernannyUS (R,S). 4.35 Location, Location,Location (R,S). Revisiting house-hunters inWindsor and Sheffield. 5.30 Deal or NoDeal (R,S,HD).

7.00 Police Interceptors (S,HD).Officers from Lincolnshire’sRoads Policing Unit are at theforefront of a raid againstsuspected drug traffickers.

8.00 The Big British ImmigrationRow: Live (S,HD). Debateexploring the controversialsubject of immigration andhow it is affecting the nation.

11.00 Car Crime UK: Caught onCamera (R,S,HD). 4/6. The useof CCTV to tackle vehicle theft.

10.00 Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop:Hoarding (S,HD). People whosecompulsion to hoard rendersthem incapable of throwingthings away, including a52-year-old Bristol man whosegirlfriend is coming round to hisflat for the first time.

12.00 Helix (S,HD). Lab rats seem toacquire the ability to breathe underwater.12.55 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 4.00 House Doctor (R,S). 4.20House Doctor (R,S). Home improvementhighlights from the series. 4.45 GreatScientists (R,S). Italian astronomer GalileoGalilei. 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35Wildlife SOS (R,S).

1.00 Live Winter Olympics (S,HD).Jonathan Edwards introduces furthercoverage of day 10 in Russia, as the secondweek of the Games continues with live icehockey and curling, and bobsleigh andbiathlon updates. 4.00 Live WinterOlympics (S,HD). Clare Balding introducesthe concluding coverage on day 10 of theGames in Russia, featuring live bobsleighand figure skating, and freestyle skiing andski jumping highlights.

7.00Winter Olympics: Today atthe Games (S,HD). ClareBalding introduces highlightsfrom day 10 in Russia, where sixgold medals were decided.

8.00 University Challenge (S,HD).30/37. The quarter-finalmatches continue.

8.30 Food & Drink (S,HD). 4/10.Gennaro Contaldo creates anauthentic lasagne. See ChoicesAbove.

9.00 Horizon: The Power of thePlacebo (S,HD). Examining whyplacebo medicines and pills areeffective in helping treat painand depression and evenalleviating some of thesymptoms of Parkinson’sdisease.

10.00 The Culture Show: DamonAlbarn – Solo (S,HD). Themaking of the Blur frontman’sfirst solo album. See ChoicesAbove.

10.30 Newsnight (S,HD). Followedby Weather.

11.20 Dragons’ Den (R,S,HD). 10/12.A couple pitch their British-made woollen duvets to theDragons.

11.10 The Mighty Mississippi withTrevor McDonald (R,S). 2/3.The broadcaster travels toClarksdale and Memphis.

11.50 One Born Every Minute (R,S).1/12. The lives of staff andpatients at a maternity hospitalin Southampton.

12.20 Sign Zone: Film 2014 (R,S). 12.50Sign Zone: Russia on Four Wheels (R,S).1.50 Sign Zone: Animal Odd Couples(R,S). 2.50 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview ofupcoming programmes. 3.55 BBCLearning Zone (S,HD). 3.55 Legal Eagles(S,HD). 4.50 Ancient Egypt: Life andDeath in the Valley of the Kings (S,HD).5.30 Schools: Your Paintings (S,HD).

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8.00 A Great Welsh Adventurewith Griff Rhys Jones (S,HD).7/8. The funnyman learns theWelsh national anthem.

8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD). Fizopens a parcel addressed toRoy.

9.00 DCI Banks (S,HD). 3/6. SeeChoices Above.

The One Show, 7pm Food & Drink, 8.30pm Coronation Street, 7.30pm Troy, 10.50pm Police Interceptors, 7pm

FOOD & DRINK8.30pm, BBC2Gennaro Contaldo joins Michel Roux Jr in thekitchen to create a lasagne with focaccia fromscratch, while Kate Goodman offers a guide tochoosing the right Italian red wine. GreatBritish Menu judge Oliver Peyton joins themfor a debate on whether people should caremore about where their food comes from.

THE CULTURE SHOW:DAMON ALBARN –SOLO10pm, BBC2The Blur frontman talksabout his childhood, theplaces he holds dear andthe memories that infusehis first solo album Everyday Robots.

BENEFITS BRITAIN: THE DEBATE9pm, Channel 4Benefits Street has sparked a nationalconversation about Britain’s welfare system,generating questions in Parliament, nationalheadlines and social media reaction. Thisdiscussion, chaired by Richard Bacon, focuseson the socio-economic issues brought to thefore by the documentary series.

7.25 You’ve Been Framed! 7.45The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 8.30Dinner Date 9.30 The RealHousewives of Atlanta 10.30The Real Housewives of NewJersey 11.30 MillionaireMatchmaker 12.30 Emmerdale1.00 Coronation Street 2.00 TheJeremy Kyle Show 4.10 The RealHousewives of New Jersey 5.05Millionaire Matchmaker.

10.00 The Job Lot (R,S,HD).5/6. Karl discovers hisnew girlfriend is signingon.

10.30 Plebs (R,S,HD). 5/6. Thetrio encounter anattractive lodger.

11.00 Fake Reaction(R,S,HD). 7/10.

11.50 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 19/24.

12.20 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 12.45 Take Me Out(R,S,HD). 1.50 Life’s FunniestMoments (R). 2.10 The Hot Desk– Example (R,S,HD). 2.20Teleshopping. Home shopping.5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

DCI BANKS9pm, ITVWhen the body of aninvestigative journalist isfound, Banks identifies a linkbetween the victim and amysterious death in the1980s connected to a rockband.

BBC1

BRITAIN’S GREATWAR9pm, BBC1Jeremy Paxmanconcludes his history ofthe First World War,focusing on the final12 months of theconflict.


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73

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun (R,S,HD).1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S,HD).3.15 Film: McBride: It’s Murder, Madam(S) (2005). See Choices Above.●● 5.00 5News at 5 The day’s headlines. (S,HD). 5.30Neighbours Kyle discovers Georgia ispregnant. (R,S,HD).

10.00 Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop:Hoarding (S,HD). People whosecompulsion to hoard rendersthem incapable of throwingthings away, including a52-year-old Bristol man whosegirlfriend is coming round to hisflat for the first time.

7.25 You’ve Been Framed! 7.45The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 8.30Dinner Date 9.30 The RealHousewives of Atlanta 10.30The Real Housewives of NewJersey 11.30 MillionaireMatchmaker 12.30 Emmerdale1.00 Coronation Street 2.00 TheJeremy Kyle Show 4.10 The RealHousewives of New Jersey 5.05Millionaire Matchmaker.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S).

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). 16/23. Harry Hillnarrates camcordercalamities.

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S).26/30. A man from Essextakes part in the datingshow.

8.00 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 19/24. Charlielearns Kandi has beenliving with Alan.

8.30 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 20/24. Alantries to win Kandi back.

10.00 The Job Lot (R,S,HD).5/6. Karl discovers hisnew girlfriend is signingon.

10.30 Plebs (R,S,HD). 5/6. Thetrio encounter anattractive lodger.

11.00 Fake Reaction(R,S,HD). 7/10.

11.50 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 19/24.

12.20 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 12.45 Take Me Out(R,S,HD). 1.50 Life’s FunniestMoments (R). 2.10 The Hot Desk– Example (R,S,HD). 2.20Teleshopping. Home shopping.5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

9.00Mom (S,HD). 6/22.Christy takes thingsslowly in her relationshipwith Adam.

9.30 Dads (S,HD). 4/19. SeeChoices Above.


6.30 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 5/24. BuzzAldrin guest stars.

6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 902107.10 Ugly Betty 8.00 Charmed(R,S). 9.00 Glee 10.00 Rude(ish)Tube (R,S). 11.00 Charmed (R,S).12.00 Rules of Engagement(R,S,HD). 12.30 Hollyoaks(R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met YourMother 2.00 The Big BangTheory 3.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S).4.00 Rules of Engagement 5.00How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).7.30 How I Met Your

Mother (R,S,HD). 7/22.Ted presents a challengefor a matchmaker.

8.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine(R,S,HD). 5/22.

8.30 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD).2/24. Caroline seeksmoney to buy anexpensive pair oftrousers.

10.00My Mad Fat Diary(S,HD). 1/7. New series.Rae’s insecuritiesthreaten to sabotageher relationship withFinn.

12.00 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). Onlinevideos on the theme of dumb anddangerous. 1.00 Revenge(R,S,HD). 2.00 Marvel’s Agents ofSHIELD (R,S,HD). 2.50 The RickyGervais Show (R,S,HD). 3.15 Glee(R,S,HD). 4.00 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).Marc, Amanda and Betty forge anuneasy alliance.

9.00 Revenge (S,HD). 7/22.Conrad hires a publicistto improve the family’simage, and threatensVictoria with Patrick’ssafety to get her toco-operate with hisplans.

6.00Modern Family(R,S,HD). 14/24.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).4/24. Bart is befriendedby mobsters.

6.00 Inside Gatwick (R,S,HD).7.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter(R,S,HD). 8.00 Modern Family(R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama (R,S).10.00 Football’s FunniestMoments (R,S). 11.00 NCIS: LosAngeles 2.00 The Simpsons (R,S).3.30 Futurama (R,S). 4.30 TheSimpsons (R,S). 5.30 ModernFamily Jay and his mother-in-lawcome to blows. (R,S,HD).


7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).7/24. The family suffersfrom nightmares.

8.00Modern Family (S,HD).1/24. New series. Mitchand Cammake a bigdecision.

8.30Modern Family (S,HD).2/24. Luke and Mannyface their first day athigh school.

10.00 Stella (R,S,HD). 4/10.A truce is called whenStella lets Michael useher shower, although hesoon regrets accepting.Emma crosses the linewith boss Marcus andBrenda’s Buses makes itsmaiden voyage.

12.00 A League of Their Own(R,HD). With David Walliams, MoFarah and Clare Balding. 1.00 AnIdiot Abroad 2 (R,S,HD). 2.00 BritCops: Law & Disorder (R,S). 3.00Road Wars (R,S). 4.00 InsideGatwick (R,S,HD). 5.00 AirlineUSA (R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA(R,S,HD).

11.00 A League of TheirOwn (R,HD). 7/11. WithGraeme Souness, GabbyLogan and KevinBridges.

9.00Moone Boy (S,HD). 1/6.New series. Martin isappalled when the familygo on holiday during theWorld Cup.

9.30 The Simpsons (S,HD).19/22. Moe enters thehome-made whiskeybusiness.

6.20 Last of the SummerWine (S). 4/11. Wesleydesigns a mobilevending machine.

9.10 Keeping Up Appearances9.50 2point4 Children 10.30 Lastof the Summer Wine 11.50 EverDecreasing Circles 12.30dinnerladies 1.10 The GreenGreen Grass 2.30 Harry Hill’s TVBurp. 3.00 ’Allo ’Allo! 3.40 AsTime Goes By (S). 4.20Goodnight Sweetheart. 5.00Keeping Up Appearances (S).5.40 Last of the Summer Wine


7.40 Only Fools and Horses(S). 5/7. Del decoratesthe local Chineserestaurant.

8.20 dinnerladies (S). 1/10.Work experience dayleads to chaos.

10.20Miranda (S). 6/6. Ahandsome man leaveshis wallet in the shop.

11.00 The League ofGentlemen (S). 5/6.

11.40 The Smell of Reevesand Mortimer (S). 6/6.Featuring Slade inResidence.

12.20 Miranda (S). A hotel stayadds excitement to Miranda’s life.1.00 Miranda (S). Penny tries tofind a suitable man for Miranda.1.30 Miranda (S). A handsomeman leaves his wallet in the shop.2.00 The League of Gentlemen(S). 2.30 The Smell of Reeves andMortimer (S). 3.00 Close

9.00Miranda (S). 4/6. A hotelstay adds excitement toMiranda’s life.

9.40Miranda (S). 5/6. Pennytries to find a suitableman for Miranda.

6.30 FL72 Review. A round-up of recent matches.

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans(HD). 9.00 Football’s Greatest (S).10.30 Scottish PremiershipFootball (HD). 11.30 SpanishFootball (HD). 12.30 Football’sGreatest (S). 2.00 SpanishFootball (HD). 3.00 ScottishPremiership Football (HD). 4.00Game Changers (HD). 5.00 TheFantasy Football Club (S,HD).5.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits

7.30 Live Johnstone’s PaintTrophy Football (HD).Swindon Town vPeterborough United(Kick-off 7.45pm).Coverage of the secondleg of the Southern Areafinal at the CountyGround. The first leg atLondon Road resulted ina 2-2 draw, leaving bothsides with a chance ofprogressing to the final.

11.00 FL72 Review. A round-up of recent matches.

12.00 SPFL Round-Up (HD). 12.30Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD).1.30 Johnstone’s Paint TrophyFootball (HD). 2.30 TheFootballers’ Football Show (HD).3.30 SPFL Round-Up (HD). 4.00Soccer AM: The Best Bits (S,HD).5.00 Johnstone’s Paint TrophyFootball (HD).

10.00 The Footballers’Football Show (HD).Dave Jones is joined byguests includingfootballers, managersand club chairmen todiscuss all the majorstories in the week’sfootball news.

Dads, 9.30pm Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 8pm Moone Boy, 9pm Only Fools and Horses, 7pm The Footballers’ … 10pm

DCI BANKS9pm, ITVWhen the body of aninvestigative journalist isfound, Banks identifies a linkbetween the victim and amysterious death in the1980s connected to a rockband.

DADS9.30pm, ITV2Eli dates Veronica’s friend Anne, an attractivebut annoying comedian. Meanwhile, arecording session for the company’s newvideo game gets out of hand when Crawfordtries to help with the voice-overs. StarringSeth Green, Giovanni Ribisi, Peter Reigert,Martin Mull and Vanessa Lachey.


11.30 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 6/20.Marshall receives twojob offers.

7.00 Snog, Marry,Avoid? (R,S,HD).Ellie Taylor visitsNottingham.

7.30 Snog, Marry,Avoid? (R,S,HD).A fake-tanenthusiast and amake-up addict.

8.00 Don’t Tell theBride (R,S). Awedding on thecoast of CoWicklow.

9.00 Is Amanda KnoxGuilty? (S). Theevolution of theAmanda Knoxmurder trial.

10.00 Uncle (S,HD). Thecustody case isthrown intojeopardy. Last inthe series.

10.30 EastEnders(R,S,HD).

11.00 Family Guy (R,S).11.25 Family Guy (R,S).11.45 American Dad!

(R,S).12.10 American Dad!(R,S). 12.30 Uncle (R,S,HD).1.00 Is Amanda KnoxGuilty? (R,S). 2.00 Live atthe Electric (R,S,HD). 2.30Growing Up Down’s (R,S).3.30 Uncle (R,S).

7.00World NewsToday (HD).

7.30 Reel History ofBritain (R).

8.00 Amazon Abyss.Part one of two.Exploring thedepths of theriver.

9.00 The Story of Topof the Pops1979 (R). A lookback at a headyyear for the chartshow.

10.00 The Life of Rockwith Brian Pern

10.30 Storyville –Cutie and theBoxer (HD)(2013). Premiere.Documentaryabout themarriagebetween twoartists. SeeChoices Above.●●●●

11.50 The Brits WhoBuilt theModern World

12.50 The Life of Rockwith Brian Pern (R,HD).1.20 Sounds of the 70s 2Reggae – Stir It Up (R).1.50 Amazon Abyss. 2.50The Story of Top of thePops 1979 (R).

MCBRIDE: IT’S MURDER, MADAM3.15pm, Channel 5An aspiring actress thinks she has landed onher feet when she is offered a job straightafter arriving in town – but her goodfortune proves short-lived when she isaccused of murdering her new boss. Luckily,maverick lawyer McBride is happy to help.Crime drama, starring John Larroquette.

STORYVILLE – CUTIEAND THE BOXER10.30pm, BBC4Premiere. Documentaryabout the 40-yearmarriage betweenJapanese painter UshioShinohara and his wifeNoriko.


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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Wanted DownUnder Revisited (R,S,HD). 10.00 HomesUnder the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 TheSheriffs Are Coming (R,S,HD). 11.45 Saintsand Scroungers (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt(S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors(S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape tothe Country (S,HD). 3.45 James Martin:Home Comforts (S,HD). 4.30 Put YourMoney Where Your Mouth Is (S,HD). 5.15Pointless (R,S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Livechat and topical reports.

7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Kat isshocked by an unexpectedvisitor. Followed by BBC News;Regional News.


8.00 Holby City (S,HD). 19/52. Zosiais excited when she finally getsthe chance to prove herself,Jonny resolves to expose Jac asa bully and Harry is frustratedby the return of a familiar face.

9.00 Death in Paradise (S,HD). 6/8.See Choices Above.

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).10.25 Regional News (S). Followed

by National Lottery Update.10.35 Traffic Cops (S). New series.

The work of Yorkshire’sRegional Roads Crime Team. Afirst-time offender speeds awayin his wife’s car and a drunk-driver is rudely woken by thepolice in a car park.

11.35 The Mexican (S) (2001). SeeChoices Above.●●●


11

12

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S).9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 10.30This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women(S,HD). Kaye Adams hosts the topical debatefrom a female perspective. 1.30 ITV Newsand Weather (S). 1.55 ITV News WestCountry (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal(S,HD). 3.00 The Alan Titchmarsh Show(S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S).4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase(R,S,HD).

6.25 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.10 Will &Grace (R,S,HD). 8.00 Everybody LovesRaymond (R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S). 11.00The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S).12.05 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S).2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or NoDeal (S,HD). Beat-the-banker game show.4.30 Come Dine with Me (S,HD). 5.00Coach Trip (S,HD). 5.30 Superstar Dogs:Countdown to Crufts (S).

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The WrightStuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors(R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD).12.15 Trauma Doctors (R,S,HD). 1.15Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). 3.15Film: Still Life: A Three Pines Mystery(S,HD) (2013). Premiere. Whodunnit,starring Nathaniel Parker.●●● 5.00 5News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD).

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Val andEric receive their HIV testresults.

7.30 Live UEFA ChampionsLeague (S,HD). ManchesterCity v Barcelona (Kick-off7.45pm). Coverage of the last-16 first leg at the EtihadStadium, as the hosts welcomethe Spanish champions for aneagerly awaited contest. This isthe first time City haveprogressed past the groupstage of the ChampionsLeague, and they would havehoped for an easier tie thanthis one. Presented by AdrianChiles, with commentary byClive Tyldesley and AndyTownsend, and analysis fromRoy Keane, Lee Dixon andRoberto Martinez. See ChoicesAbove.


6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 14/20.Bart and Lisa think they havekilled Martin.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD).

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD). MsMontgomery retaliates afterBianca’s complaint.

6.30 The Big British ImmigrationRow (S,HD).


Weather.10.35 UEFA Champions League:

Extra Time (S,HD). Highlightsof the opening last-16 first-legmatches, featuring BayerLeverkusen v Paris Saint-Germain at the BayArena andManchester City v Barcelona.

12.30 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 Loose Women (R,HD). Kaye Adamshosts the topical debate from a femaleperspective. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD).Text-based information service. 5.05 TheJeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air theirdifferences.


8.00 Location, Location, Location(S,HD). 6/6. Kirstie Allsopp andPhil Spencer revisit house-hunters in south London,including identical twins whowere looking to buy a home ona budget of £350,000. Last inthe series.

9.00 The Taste (S,HD). 7/10. SeeChoices Above.

10.00 Sexting Teacher (S,HD).Documentary telling the storiesof three teacher-pupilrelationships in the age ofsocial media and smartphones,including the case of JeremyForrest and a 15-year-old girl.

12.40 Random Acts (S). 12.45 Poker (S).Action from the Pokerstars.com EuropeanPoker Tour Barcelona. 1.45 KOTV BoxingWeekly (S). 2.15 Trans World Sport (R,S).Including a profile of ski jumping legendMatti Nykanen. 3.10 Beach Volleyball (S).4.05 Freesports on 4 (R,S). 4.35 Terror inthe Skies (R,S,HD). 5.30 Secret Removers(R,S,HD).

7.00 The Dog Rescuers (R,S,HD).5/10. RSPCA inspectors find twodogs being kept in atrociousconditions.

7.30 Police 5 (S,HD). Followed by 5News Update.

8.00 Benidorm ER (S,HD). A48-year-old woman fromGlasgow is rushed in with chestpains, while a severely visuallyimpaired man from Aberdeen istreated for a suspected brokenarm. Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 Holiday Love Rats Exposed(S,HD). See Choices Above.

11.00 Body of Proof (R,S,HD). 4/20. Asupposedly dead man walks outof Ethan’s examination room.

11.55 CSI: Miami (R,S). 13/24. A cigar-maker is murdered.

10.00 Law & Order: Special VictimsUnit (S,HD). 3/24. Benson andStabler are called to a hospital,where a rape victim claims tohave been attacked for a fourthtime by the same assailant.Guest starring Jennifer LoveHewitt.

12.55 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.05 Brain Hospital: SavingLives (R,S,HD). A woman has an operationto deal with her severe epilepsy. 4.00House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor(R,S). A selection of highlights. 4.45 GreatScientists (R,S). Isaac Newton’srevolutionary theories. 5.10 Wildlife SOS(R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview ofupcoming programmes. 6.45 Live WinterOlympics (S,HD). Hazel Irvine presentscoverage on day 11 of the Games,featuring live alpine skiing, ice hockey,short track speed skating and NordicCombined skiing. 1.00 Live WinterOlympics (S,HD). Further coverage of day11 of the Games in Russia. 4.00 Live WinterOlympics (S,HD). The concluding coverageon day 11 in Russia.

7.00Winter Olympics: Today atthe Games (S,HD). ClareBalding introduces highlightsfrom day 11 in Russia, wherefive gold medals were decided.

8.00 The Great British SewingBee (S,HD). 1/8. See ChoicesAbove.

9.00 How China Fooled the World– With Robert Peston (S,HD).The BBC’s new economicseditor investigates thecountry’s seemingly boomingeconomy, revealing that Chinacould be in serious trouble withhuge debts it might be unableto pay back.

10.00 House of Fools (S,HD). 6/6. Vicsummons a spirit at a seance.Last in the series.


11.20 Horizon: The Power of thePlacebo (R,S,HD). Examiningwhy placebos can be effectivetreatments.

11.35 Jermain Defoe: Sports LifeStories (S,HD). 3/8. A profile ofthe Tottenham Hotspur andEngland footballer.

11.00 8 Out of 10 Cats (R,S). 1/9.Jimmy Carr hosts the topicalcomedy panel show.

11.45 Paul Chowdhry: What’sHappening White People?(R,S,HD). Stand-up comedyshow.

12.20 The Super League Show (S). 1.00Sign Zone: Britain’s Great War (R,S).2.00 Sign Zone: Operation GrandCanyon with Dan Snow (R,S). 3.00 ThisIs BBC Two (S). 3.55 BBC Learning Zone(S,HD). 3.55 Schools – The ModernMonarchy (S,HD). 4.55 Schools – D-Day:The Last Heroes (S,HD). 5.30 Schools –Roman Voices (S,HD).

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EastEnders, 7.30pm Emmerdale, 7pm The Taste, 9pm Holiday Love Rats Exposed, 9pm

THE TASTE9pm, Channel 4Chef Simon Rogan from L’Enclume in Cumbria,one of Britain’s most critically acclaimedrestaurants, shows the remaining contestantshow one man’s trash can be another man’streasure, as he challenges them to prepare foodusing leftovers. From fish heads to wine dregs,can they turn scraps into sensational spoonfuls?

THE GREAT BRITISHSEWING BEE8pm, BBC2Ten people compete to becrowned Britain’s bestamateur sewer, beginningby making a cotton tunic,transforming a woollenskirt and fitting a silk nightgown.

HOLIDAY LOVE RATS EXPOSED9pm, Channel 5Documentary telling the stories of Brits whohave been conned out of tens of thousandsof pounds and left broken-hearted by peoplepreying on single holiday-makers looking forlove. Jeannette was swept off her feet byRudiger in Sorrento, Italy, and over the nextnine months spent £20,000 on him.

6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 6.25Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 7.25 You’veBeen Framed! (R,S). 7.45 The JeremyKyle Show USA (R,S). 8.30 Dinner Date(R,S). 9.30 The Real Housewives ofAtlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The RealHousewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD).11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 2.00 TheJeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 4.10 TheReal Housewives of New Jersey (S,HD).5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).

11.15 The Brits Are Coming(R,S,HD). Nick Grimshawtakes a look at the BritAwards 2014 nominees.

12.15 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 12.45 Two and a HalfMen (R,S,HD). 1.10 TotallyBonkers Guinness WorldRecords (R,S,HD). 1.40 Ladette toLady: Australia (R,S). 2.25Teleshopping. Home shopping.5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

LIVE UEFA CHAMPIONSLEAGUE7.30pm, ITVManchester City v Barcelona(Kick-off 7.45pm). Coverageof the last-16 first leg at theEtihad Stadium, as the hostswelcome the Spanishchampions for an eagerly awaited contest.

BBC1

DEATH IN PARADISE9pm, BBC1Tragedy strikes in thejungle when abirdwatcher is stabbedto death with his ownknife, a case that holdsa certain fascinationfor Humphrey, who was a keen twitcher.


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Newsnight, 10.30pm

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6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The WrightStuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors(R,S). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD).12.15 Trauma Doctors (R,S,HD). 1.15Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). 3.15Film: Still Life: A Three Pines Mystery(S,HD) (2013). Premiere. Whodunnit,starring Nathaniel Parker.●●● 5.00 5News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD).

7.00 The Dog Rescuers (R,S,HD).5/10. RSPCA inspectors find twodogs being kept in atrociousconditions.

7.30 Police 5 (S,HD). Followed by 5News Update.

8.00 Benidorm ER (S,HD). A48-year-old woman fromGlasgow is rushed in with chestpains, while a severely visuallyimpaired man from Aberdeen istreated for a suspected brokenarm. Followed by 5 News at 9.

11.00 Body of Proof (R,S,HD). 4/20. Asupposedly dead man walks outof Ethan’s examination room.

11.55 CSI: Miami (R,S). 13/24. A cigar-maker is murdered.

10.00 Law & Order: Special VictimsUnit (S,HD). 3/24. Benson andStabler are called to a hospital,where a rape victim claims tohave been attacked for a fourthtime by the same assailant.Guest starring Jennifer LoveHewitt.

HOLIDAY LOVE RATS EXPOSED9pm, Channel 5Documentary telling the stories of Brits whohave been conned out of tens of thousandsof pounds and left broken-hearted by peoplepreying on single holiday-makers looking forlove. Jeannette was swept off her feet byRudiger in Sorrento, Italy, and over the nextnine months spent £20,000 on him.

6.00 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 6.25Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 7.25 You’veBeen Framed! (R,S). 7.45 The JeremyKyle Show USA (R,S). 8.30 Dinner Date(R,S). 9.30 The Real Housewives ofAtlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The RealHousewives of New Jersey (R,S,HD).11.30 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).12.30 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.00Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 2.00 TheJeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 4.10 TheReal Housewives of New Jersey (S,HD).5.05 Millionaire Matchmaker (R,S,HD).

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). 13/28. Featuring arunaway pumpkin and a60th birthday surprise.


6.00 Dinner Date (R,S).27/30. Andrew fromLondon picks three blinddates.

8.00 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 21/24. Alanstarts to fall forFrancine.

8.30 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 22/24. Jake isinvited to his first boy-girl party.

11.15 The Brits Are Coming(R,S,HD). Nick Grimshawtakes a look at the BritAwards 2014 nominees.

12.15 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 12.45 Two and a HalfMen (R,S,HD). 1.10 TotallyBonkers Guinness WorldRecords (R,S,HD). 1.40 Ladette toLady: Australia (R,S). 2.25Teleshopping. Home shopping.5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

9.00 Bridget Jones: TheEdge of Reason (S,HD)(2004). See ChoicesAbove.●●●



6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 90210(R,S,HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Glee(R,S,HD). 10.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S).11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Rules ofEngagement (R,S,HD). 12.30Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I MetYour Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The BigBang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 4.00 Rules ofEngagement (R,S,HD). 5.00 How IMet Your Mother (R,S,HD).

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).Freddie is forced to hurtLindsey.


8.00 Ice Age: Dawn of theDinosaurs (S,HD)(2009). Sid the sloth’sfriends search for himwhen he is taken to anunderground worldinhabited by dinosaurs.Animated sequel,featuring the voices ofJohn Leguizamo andDenis Leary.●●●

10.00 Troy (S,HD). 2/6. Themagician wreaks havocat a football match,goes on a road trip likeno other toBournemouth andcreates a unique way ofgetting across TowerBridge in London.

12.00 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). Clipson the theme of romantic comedy.1.00 Rules of Engagement(R,S,HD). 1.30 Rules ofEngagement (R,S,HD). 2.00 TheTomorrow People (R,S,HD). 2.50One Tree Hill (R,S,HD). 3.30 Glee(R,S,HD). 4.15 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).Daniel visits his mother in rehab.


6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).16/22. Moe undergoesplastic surgery.

6.00 Inside Gatwick (R,S). 7.00Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S).8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).9.00 Futurama (R,S). 10.00 NCIS:Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 2.00 TheSimpsons (R,S). 3.30 Futurama(R,S). 4.30 The Simpsons (R,S).5.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).Phil and Claire celebrateValentine’s Day with a little role-play.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).6/22. Homer becomes anauthor of children’sbooks.


8.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD).5/24. A routine job takesa deadly turn forCatherine.

10.00 Commando (S) (1985).A retired military officerbattles a treacherouscomrade and a formerdictator, who havekidnapped his daughter.Action adventure,starring ArnoldSchwarzenegger andRae Dawn Chong.●●●

12.45 A League of Their Own(R,HD). With Ronnie O’Sullivan,Jimmy Carr and Christine Bleakley.1.45 Brit Cops: Law & Disorder(R,S). 2.35 Road Wars (R,S). 3.30Road Wars (S). 4.00 InsideGatwick (R,S). 5.00 Airline USA(R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA(R,S,HD).

11.45 NCIS: Los Angeles(R,S,HD). 5/24. Thegirlfriend of a formerNavy officer iskidnapped.

9.00 Ross Kemp: ExtremeWorld (S,HD). 5/6. SeeChoices Above.

6.20 Last of the SummerWine (S). 6/11. Howardhas a gift for Marina’sgarden.

6.15 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 6.45Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 7.10 ’Allo ’Allo! (S).7.50 As Time Goes By (S). 8.30Goodnight Sweetheart. 9.10 KeepingUp Appearances (S). 9.50 2point4Children (S). 10.30 Last of the SummerWine (S). 11.50 Ever Decreasing Circles(S). 12.30 dinnerladies (S). 1.10 OnlyFools and Horses (S). 2.25 Harry Hill’s TVBurp. 2.55 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.40 As TimeGoes By (S). 4.20 Goodnight Sweetheart.5.00 Keeping Up Appearances (S). 5.40Last of the Summer Wine (S).

7.00 Only Fools and Horses(S). 6/7. The Trotters goon holiday.


8.20 dinnerladies (S). 2/10.Jean gets angry with thecustomers.

10.35 The Vicar of Dibley (S).2/4. Alice suggests anunconventional nativityplay.

11.30 The Smell of Reevesand Mortimer (S). 1/6.The link betweenvoodoo and cottagecheese.

12.10 The Vicar of Dibley (S).Geraldine shoots to stardom. 12.50The Vicar of Dibley (S). 1.30 TheVicar of Dibley (S). Alice suggestsan unconventional nativity play.2.15 The Smell of Reeves andMortimer (S). The link betweenvoodoo and cottage cheese. 3.00Close

9.00 The Vicar of Dibley (S).3/4. Geraldine shoots tostardom.

9.40 The Vicar of Dibley (S).1/4. Geraldine receives asurprise visitor.

6.00 Revista De La Liga(HD). Highlights from LaLiga.

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans(HD). 9.00 Football (HD). 10.00The Footballers’ Football Show(HD). 11.00 FL72 Review. 12.00Football (HD). Action from recentmatches. 1.00 UEFA ChampionsLeague Highlights (HD). 5.00Football Asia (S). Soccer news fromthe Far East. 5.30 Football’sGreatest International Teams(S,HD).

7.00 Live UEFA ChampionsLeague (HD). BayerLeverkusen v Paris Saint-Germain (Kick-off7.45pm). Coverage of thefirst leg of the last-16encounter at theBayArena, as theknockout stage getsunder way.

11.00 Football League Gold(HD).

11.15 Football League Gold(HD).

11.30 Football’s GreatestInternational Teams(S,HD).

12.00 UEFA Champions LeagueHighlights (HD). 1.00 Revista DeLa Liga (HD). 2.00 Football Asia(S). 2.30 Football League Gold(HD). 3.00 Football’s GreatestInternational Teams (S,HD). 3.30UEFA Champions LeagueHighlights (HD). 4.30 Revista DeLa Liga (HD). 5.30 Football Asia

10.00 Revista De La Liga(HD). Scott Mintopresents highlights ofthe latest La Ligamatches in Spain.

You’ve Been Framed!, 7pm Ice Age: Dawn of … 8pm Ross Kemp: Extreme… 9pm The Vicar of Dibley, 9pm Live UEFA… 7pm

LIVE UEFA CHAMPIONSLEAGUE7.30pm, ITVManchester City v Barcelona(Kick-off 7.45pm). Coverageof the last-16 first leg at theEtihad Stadium, as the hostswelcome the Spanishchampions for an eagerly awaited contest.

ROSS KEMP: EXTREME WORLD9pm, Sky1Ross Kemp ventures behind the glitz andglamour of Las Vegas, a non-stop party townwhere last year 40 million visitors spent£15billion, discovering that the strip is farfrom fun for some, not helped by therecession of 2008, which plunged manypeople into unemployment and bankruptcy.



7.00 Top Gear(R,S,HD).Tests of theAlfa Romeo 4Cand the McLarenP1.

8.00 Tough YoungTeachers(R,S,HD). Thetraineesapproach the endof their firstacademicyear. Last in theseries.

9.00 Sun, Sex andSuspiciousParents:Thailand (S,HD).

10.00 Bad Education(R,S,HD).


11.00 Family Guy(R,S).

11.25 Family Guy(R,S).

11.45 American Dad!(R,S).

12.10 American Dad!(R,S). 12.30 Sun, Sex andSuspicious Parents:Thailand (R,S,HD). 1.30 IsAmanda Knox Guilty?(R,S). 2.30 Bad Education(R,S,HD). 3.00 Sun, Sexand Suspicious Parents:Thailand (R,S).

7.00World NewsToday (HD);Weather.


8.00Weird Nature(R).

8.30 Secrets ofBones (HD).

9.00 Dissected: TheIncredibleHuman Hand(HD). Part one oftwo.Documentary inwhich ateam dissectsa real humanhand.

10.00 Blink: AHorizon Guideto the Senses(R). Kevin Fongexplores thescience ofperception.

11.00Wild China(R,HD).

12.00 Lost Kingdoms ofSouth America (R,HD).1.00 The World’s MostBeautiful Eggs: TheGenius of Carl Faberge(R,HD). 2.00 Weird Nature(R). 2.30 Secrets of Bones(R,HD). 3.00 Dissected:The Incredible HumanHand (R,HD).

BRIDGET JONES: THEEDGE OF REASON9pm, ITV2The hapless journalist’snew romance looks setto be short-lived whenshe ends up servingtime in a Thai prison.Renee Zellweger stars.

THE MEXICAN11.35pm, BBC1A petty crook ends upin all manner of troublewhen he smuggles anantique gun intoAmerica for his Mobboss. Comedy thriller,with Brad Pitt.


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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 WantedDown Under Revisited 10.00 HomesUnder the Hammer 11.00 The SheriffsAre Coming 11.45 Saints andScroungers (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt(R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD).1.30 Regional News 1.45 Doctors (S,HD).2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to theCountry 3.45 James Martin: HomeComforts 4.30 Put Your Money WhereYour Mouth Is 5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hostedby Matt Baker and Alex Jones.

7.30 Pound Shop Wars (S,HD).Chris Edwards finds a rival storeusing the Poundworld name.


8.00Waterloo Road (S,HD). 17/20.George is left in charge of theschool while Christine is away –just as Maggie, Audrey and thepupils have chosen to stage aprotest against Lula and herfamily being deported.

9.00 Outnumbered (S,HD). 4/6. Benshows off his survival skills on acamping trip. See ChoicesAbove.

9.30Mrs Brown’s Boys (R,S,HD).4/6. Agnes goes on a diet.


by National Lottery Update.10.35 A Question of Sport (S,HD).

16/36. With Steve Harmison,Louise Hazel, Darren Barkerand Kevin Phillips.

11.05 Film 2014 (S,HD). 5/7. Reviewsof Nymphomaniac, Only LoversLeft Alive and A New YorkWinter’s Tale.

11.35 Blandings (R,S,HD). 1/7. Periodcomedy, starring Timothy Spall.


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6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S).9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 10.30This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women(S,HD). With Carol Vorderman and CharlieHardwick. 1.30 ITV News and Weather (S).1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). From HighWycombe, Buckinghamshire. 3.00 The AlanTitchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59 RegionalProgramme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point(S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (R,S,HD).

6.25 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.10 Will &Grace (R,S,HD). 8.00 Everybody LovesRaymond (R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S). 11.00The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S).12.05 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S).2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or NoDeal (S,HD). Beat-the-banker game show.4.30 Come Dine with Me (S). 5.00 CoachTrip (S). 5.30 Superstar Dogs:Countdown to Crufts (S).

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15The Hotel Inspector (R,S,HD). A strugglinghotel in Blackpool. 1.15 Home and Away(S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS(R,S). 3.15 Film: Kidnapped: TheElizabeth Smart Story (S) (2003). SeeChoices Above.●●● 5.00 5 News at 5(S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours Brad fears forJosh’s swimming career. (R,S,HD).

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Val reactsbadly to her surprise birthdayparty.

7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).Steve bumps into Roy at themuseum.


6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 16/20. Thefamily helps depressed countrysinger Lurleen Lumpkin.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Freddie isforced to hurt Lindsey.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).Bianca suspends MsMontgomery.


10.15 ITV News and Weather (S).10.45 ITV News West Country10.50 The Jonathan Ross Show

(R,S,HD). 7/10. Jonathan isjoined by film star UmaThurman, actor, comedian andBrit Awards host James Cordenand Strictly Come Dancingwinner Abbey Clancy. JohnNewman provides the music.

12.20 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 Film: Columbo: Double Exposure(S) (1973). Crime drama, starring Peter Falkand Robert Culp.●● 4.15 ITVNightscreen (HD). Text-based informationservice. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S).Guests air their differences.


8.00 The Restoration Man (S,HD).7/7. George Clarke revisits Keithand Sheena McIntyre a yearafter they fought extremeweather conditions to converta church into a holiday homeand artist’s studio. Last in theseries.

9.00 24 Hours in A&E (S,HD). 7/8.See Choices Above.

10.00 First Dates (S). 2/8. Datingshow in which singletons meetup with possible partners at arestaurant, having selectedthem based solely on aninternet photograph.

12.00 Random Acts (S,HD). 12.05 Film:Big Momma’s House (S,HD) (2000). SeeChoices Above.●●● 1.45 Film: TheStraight Story (S,HD) (1999). Drama,starring Richard Farnsworth.●●●●● 3.35Supernanny US (R,S). 4.15 Location,Location, Location (R,S). 5.10 Kirstie’sHandmade Treasures (R,S,HD). 5.30 Dealor No Deal (R,S,HD).

7.00 Trauma Doctors (R,S,HD).Medics treat a 12-year-old whohas been hit by a van. Followedby 5 News Update.

8.00 Ultimate Emergency Bikers(S,HD). A motorcyclist is thrown30 metres across a roundabout,a paramedic rushes to therescue of a surfer, and a bikercop has a hunch about a car shepulls over. Last in the series.Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 NCIS (S,HD). 3/24. Duckyreopens a case while on medicalleave by talking officials intoreleasing the body of a Navycommander whose post-mortem he carried out 12 yearspreviously.

11.00 The Big British ImmigrationRow (R,S,HD). Debateexploring the controversialsubject.

10.00 Suspects (S,HD). 2/10. Jack andCharlie investigate an assaulton the owner of the Green Pitnightclub in east London anddiscover the victim’s sisterunconscious in the cellar.

1.00 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.05 World’s Toughest Prison(R,S,HD). The technology behind a top-security jail in Maryland, USA. 4.00 HouseDoctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). Acouple fromMilton Keynes hope to moveto France. 4.45 Great Scientists (R,S). 5.10Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS(R,S).

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). Preview ofupcoming programmes. 6.45 Live WinterOlympics (S,HD). Coverage of day 12 of theGames in Russia. 1.00 Live WinterOlympics (S,HD). Further coverage of day12 of the Games in Russia. 4.00 Live WinterOlympics (S,HD). Clare Balding presents theconcluding coverage on day 12 of theGames in Russia, featuring live bobsleigh,curling and figure skating. Subsequentprogrammes subject to change.

7.30Winter Olympics: Today atthe Games (S,HD). ClareBalding introduces highlightsfrom day 12 in Russia.

8.00 The Restaurant Man (S,HD).4/6. Russell Norman tries tohelp the owner of a pizzeria inGravesend, Kent. See ChoicesAbove.

9.00 Line of Duty (S,HD). 2/6. Themissing persons unit looks intothe disappearance of 15-year-old Carly Kirk, while Dentongathers compromising evidenceto use against AC-12.

10.00 Inside No 9 (S,HD). 3/6. Ateacher becomes the victim ofhis own generosity. See ChoicesAbove.


11.20 Top Gear (R,S). 3/7. A trip toUkraine in small cars.

11.55 Corfu: A Tale of Two Islands(R,S,HD). 5/8. A hotel managerfeels the impact of theeconomic downturn.

11.00 Bodyshockers: My TattooHell (R,S,HD). 3/4. Katie Pipercontinues her exploration ofbody modification in Magaluf.

12.20 Sign Zone: Dolphins – Spy in thePod (R,S). 1.20 Sign Zone: Children’sEmergency Rescue (R,S). 2.20 This Is BBCTwo (S). 4.00 BBC Learning Zone (S,HD).4.00 Schools: Tales from the Old Bailey– The Grave Robber (S,HD). 4.15 Schools:Tales from the Old Bailey – TheMurderess (S,HD). 4.30 Schools: Talesfrom the Old Bailey – The Suffragettes

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8.00 Brit Awards 2014 (S,HD). SeeChoices Above.

Pound ShopWars, 7.30pm Top Gear, 11.20pm The Chase, 5pm The Restoration Man, 8pm Ultimate Emergency Bikers, 8pm

THE RESTAURANT MAN8pm, BBC2Tony in Gravesend thinks launching a pizzeriais going to be one big happy family business,but his children have different feelings abouthelping their headstrong dad build his dream.Russell Norman locks horns with Tony as hetries to make him change his idiosyncraticways.

INSIDE NO 910pm, BBC2A teacher tries to repay agood turn from a late-nightcaller, but his generositythreatens his relationshipwith his aspiring actressgirlfriend. Gemma Artertonstars.

24 HOURS IN A&E9pm, Channel 4Registrar Ling is concerned about23-year-old David, who has been brought toKing’s College Hospital after having seizuresfor 30 minutes and isn’t responding todrugs. Ling weighs up the benefits of puttinghim into an induced coma to stop theattacks.

7.25 You’ve Been Framed! 7.45The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 8.30Dinner Date 9.30 The RealHousewives of Atlanta 10.30The Real Housewives of NewJersey 11.30 MillionaireMatchmaker 12.30 Emmerdale1.00 The Cube 2.00 The JeremyKyle Show 4.10 The RealHousewives of New Jersey 5.05Millionaire Matchmaker

7.00 The BRIT Awards2014: Red Carpet(S,HD). Behind-the-scenes access andinterviews.

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S).20/30. Sussex bachelorJames looks for love.

8.00 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 23/24. Miamakes a strange requestof Charlie.

8.30 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 24/24. Charlieand Mia make weddingarrangements.

10.00 Keith Lemon: The HotDesk The comedian isinterviewed. (R,S,HD).

10.15 The BRIT Awards2014: Backstage(S,HD). Gossip andreactions.


12.20 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 12.50 Two and a HalfMen (R,S,HD). 1.20 Fake Reaction(R,S,HD). With Eddie Edwards,Dane Bowers, Stefan Abingdonand Nikki Sanderson. 2.05 Life’sFunniest Moments (R). 2.25Teleshopping. Home shopping.5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

9.00 Benidorm (R,S,HD). 7/7.The CEO of the SolanaHotel Group (JoanCollins) forces Joyce todowngrade the resort toits original three-starstatus, while Donaldmeets his all-time hero.Last in the series.

Keith Lemon… 10pm

BRIT AWARDS 20148pm, ITVJames Corden hosts the musicceremony live from London’sO2, featuring performancesby Arctic Monkeys, Bastille,Rudimental, Bruno Mars,Disclosure, Ellie Goulding andKaty Perry.

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OUTNUMBERED9pm, BBC1Ben shows off hiswilderness survivalskills when he and hisdad go camping whileJake has a big decisionto make about hiseducation.


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7.25 You’ve Been Framed! 7.45The Jeremy Kyle Show USA 8.30Dinner Date 9.30 The RealHousewives of Atlanta 10.30The Real Housewives of NewJersey 11.30 MillionaireMatchmaker 12.30 Emmerdale1.00 The Cube 2.00 The JeremyKyle Show 4.10 The RealHousewives of New Jersey 5.05Millionaire Matchmaker

7.00 The BRIT Awards2014: Red Carpet(S,HD). Behind-the-scenes access andinterviews.

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S).20/30. Sussex bachelorJames looks for love.

8.00 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 23/24. Miamakes a strange requestof Charlie.

8.30 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 24/24. Charlieand Mia make weddingarrangements.

10.00 Keith Lemon: The HotDesk The comedian isinterviewed. (R,S,HD).

10.15 The BRIT Awards2014: Backstage(S,HD). Gossip andreactions.


12.20 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 12.50 Two and a HalfMen (R,S,HD). 1.20 Fake Reaction(R,S,HD). With Eddie Edwards,Dane Bowers, Stefan Abingdonand Nikki Sanderson. 2.05 Life’sFunniest Moments (R). 2.25Teleshopping. Home shopping.5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

9.00 Benidorm (R,S,HD). 7/7.The CEO of the SolanaHotel Group (JoanCollins) forces Joyce todowngrade the resort toits original three-starstatus, while Donaldmeets his all-time hero.Last in the series.



6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 90210(R,S,HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Glee10.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 11.00Charmed 12.00 Rules ofEngagement 12.30 Hollyoaks(R,S,HD). 1.00 How I Met YourMother 2.00 The Big BangTheory 3.00 Rude(ish) Tube 4.00Rules of Engagement 5.00 HowI Met Your Mother

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).7.30 How I Met Your

Mother (R,S,HD). 9/22.Ted and Robin volunteerat a homeless shelter.

8.00 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 2/24.See Choices Above.


10.00 Rude Tube (R,S,HD).3/6. Alex Zane presents50 clips on the theme ofromantic comedy,featuring weddingdisasters, crazy marriageproposals and a strangeact of adultery.

12.05 The Midnight Beast(R,S,HD). 12.40 TheInbetweeners (R,S). 1.15Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD).1.45 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 2.15The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD).2.40 The Ricky Gervais Show(R,S,HD). 3.05 Bob’s Burgers(R,S,HD). 3.30 Glee (R,S,HD).

9.00 The Tomorrow People(S,HD). 7/22. Stephendecides to have somefun with his new-foundpowers, but isoverwhelmed when hetries to handle a newand dangerous breakouton his own.


6.30 The Simpsons (R,S).20/23. Bart doescommunity service.

6.00 Inside Gatwick (R,S,HD).7.00 Dog the Bounty Hunter(R,S). 8.00 Modern Family(R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama (R,S).10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).2.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 3.30Futurama (R,S). 4.30 TheSimpsons (R,S). 5.30 ModernFamily (R,S,HD). Mitch and Cam’sfriend Sal announces she is gettingmarried.


7.30 Live UEFA ChampionsLeague (HD). Arsenal vBayern Munich (Kick-off7.45pm). All the actionfrom the EmiratesStadium, as the clubsmeet in this eagerlyawaited last-16 first-legencounter.

10.00 The Kumars (S,HD). 6/6.James Corden, TerryGilliam and Twiggy arethe guests on thecomedy chat show, witha performance byBollywood sensation AshKing. Hosted by SanjeevBhaskar. Last in theseries.

12.00 A League of Their Own(R,HD). 1.00 A League of TheirOwn (R,HD). 2.00 Brit Cops: Law& Disorder (R,S). 3.00 Road Wars(R,S). 4.00 Inside Gatwick(R,S,HD). 5.00 Airline USA(R,S,HD). 5.30 Airline USA(R,S,HD).

11.00 Duck Quacks Don’tEcho (R,S,HD). 2/8. WithOlivia Colman, RhodGilbert and PaulHollywood.

6.20 Last of the SummerWine (S). 8/11. Asolicitor’s letter terrifiesTom.

9.50 2point4 Children (S). 10.30Last of the Summer Wine (S).11.50 Ever Decreasing Circles (S).12.30 dinnerladies (S). 1.10 OnlyFools and Horses (S). 2.25 HarryHill’s TV Burp. 2.55 ’Allo ’Allo!(S). 3.40 As Time Goes By (S). 4.20Goodnight Sweetheart. 5.00Keeping Up Appearances (S).5.40 Last of the Summer Wine(S).

7.00 Only Fools and Horses(S).

7.40 Only Fools and Horses(S). 1/7. Rodney joins theresidents’ committee.

8.20 dinnerladies (S). 3/10.Bren gets excited abouther holiday.

10.20 Blackadder Goes Forth(S). 4/6. Capt Blackadderjoins the Royal FlyingCorps.

11.00 The League ofGentlemen (S). 6/6.Guest starringChristopher Eccleston.

11.40 The Smell of Reevesand Mortimer (S). 2/6.Slade go camping.

12.20 Blackadder II (S). Abloodthirsty bishop menacesEdmund. 1.00 Blackadder theThird (S). 1.30 Blackadder GoesForth (S). 2.00 The League ofGentlemen (S). 2.30 The Smell ofReeves and Mortimer (S). 3.00Close

9.00 Blackadder II (S). 4/6. Abloodthirsty bishopmenaces Edmund.

9.40 Blackadder the Third(S). 4/6. Prince Georgehires two actors toimprove his speech-making.

6.00 Boots ’n’ All (HD).Super League review.

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans(HD). 9.00 UEFA ChampionsLeague Highlights (HD). 4.00Football’s Greatest InternationalTeams (S,HD). A profile of theFrance team from 1984. 4.30Football Asia (S). Soccer news fromthe Far East. 5.00 UEFAChampions League Highlights(HD). Bayer Leverkusen v Paris Saint-Germain.

7.00 Live UEFA ChampionsLeague (HD). Arsenal vBayern Munich (Kick-off7.45pm). All the actionfrom the EmiratesStadium, as the clubsmeet in this eagerlyawaited last-16 first-legencounter.

11.00 Total Rugby.11.30 Football League Gold

(S,HD).11.45 Football Gold (S).

12.00 UEFA Champions LeagueHighlights (HD). 1.00 What’s theStory? (HD). 2.00 Football Gold(S). 2.15 Football Gold. 2.30Football Gold (S). 2.45 FootballLeague Gold (HD). 3.00 UEFAChampions League Highlights(HD). 4.00 What’s the Story? (HD).5.00 Football Gold (S).

10.00What’s the Story? (HD).Sarah-Jane Mee presentsa discussion showfocusing on recent sportsdevelopments.

Keith Lemon… 10pm The Tomorrow People, 9pm Duck Quacks Don’t … 11pm Blackadder II, 9pm Live UEFA… 7pm

BRIT AWARDS 20148pm, ITVJames Corden hosts the musicceremony live from London’sO2, featuring performancesby Arctic Monkeys, Bastille,Rudimental, Bruno Mars,Disclosure, Ellie Goulding andKaty Perry.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER8pm, E4Marshall is forced to take to the road in anuneconomical car when he struggles to finda way to get back to New York in time forthe wedding. Robin discovers James hascheated on his husband Tom and is getting adivorce, and begins to worry how Barney willreact to the news.

11.00My Mad Fat Diary(R,S,HD). 1/7. Rae’sinsecurities threaten tosabotage herrelationship with Finn.

7.00 Snog, Marry,Avoid? (R,S,HD).

7.30 Snog, Marry,Avoid? Featuringa ‘queen ofshock’. (R,S,HD).

8.00 Is Amanda KnoxGuilty? (R,S). Theevolution of theAmanda Knoxmurder trial.

9.00 Cinderellas ofthe Slums:Secrets of SouthAmerica (S,HD).The glitz andglamour ofdebutante balls inBrazil. Last in theseries.

10.00 The Truth AboutWebcam Girls(S,HD). The livesof three onlineperformers.

11.00 Family Guy (R,S).11.25 Family Guy (R,S).11.45 American Dad!12.10 American Dad!(R,S). 12.30 Cinderellas ofthe Slums: Secrets ofSouth America (R,S,HD).1.25 The Truth AboutWebcam Girls (R,S,HD).2.25 Uncle (R,S,HD). 2.55Cinderellas of the Slums:Secrets of South America(R,S).

7.00World NewsToday (HD)


8.00 Ancient Greece:The GreatestShow on Earth(R,HD). The roleplayed by theRomans in thepreservation ofGreek drama.

9.00 Infested: Livingwith Parasites(HD). Examiningpossible benefitsof parasites tohuman health.

10.00 Parks andRecreation Lesliedecides to bury atime capsuleabout life inPawnee. (HD).

10.20 Parks andRecreation (HD).

10.45 Amazon Abyss.11.40Michael Grade

and the World’sOldest Joke

12.40 Bunkers, Brutalismand Bloodymindedness:Concrete Poetry withJonathan Meades (R,HD).1.40 Ancient Greece: TheGreatest Show on Earth(R,HD). 2.40 Infested:Living with Parasites (R).

KIDNAPPED: THE ELIZABETH SMARTSTORY3.15pm, Channel 5Fact-based drama chronicling the abductionof a teenager from her home in Salt LakeCity in 2002. The search for the girl turnedinto a nationwide media frenzy, but ninemonths later as hope was fading, she wasfound alive. Starring Amber Marshall.

BIG MOMMA’SHOUSE12.05am, Channel 4An FBI agent will stopat nothing to catch afugitive - even if itmeans dressing up as awoman. Comedy, withMartin Lawrence.


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6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Wanted DownUnder Revisited (R,S,HD). 10.00 HomesUnder the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 TheSheriffs Are Coming (R,S,HD). 11.45 Saintsand Scroungers (S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt(R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD).1.30 Regional News (S); Weather. 1.45Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00Escape to the Country (S,HD). 3.45 JamesMartin: Home Comforts (S,HD). 4.30 PutYour Money Where Your Mouth Is (S,HD).5.15 Pointless (R,S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Topicalstories from around the UK.

7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Kat andAlfie receive worryinginformation. Followed by BBCNews; Regional News.


8.30 Inspector George Gently(S,HD). 3/4. See Choices Above.

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).10.25 Regional News (S); Weather.10.35 Question Time (S,HD). 21/38.

Author Jeanette Winterson andphilosopher Roger Scruton areamong the panellists answeringquestions in Swindon,Wiltshire. Chaired by DavidDimbleby.

11.35 The Color of Money (S,HD)(1986). See Choices Above.●●●●

1.30 Skiing Weatherview (S). 1.35 BBCNews (S,HD).

11

12

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S).9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 10.30This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women(S,HD). Topical debate from a femaleperspective. 1.30 ITV News and Weather(S). 1.55 ITV News West Country (S). 2.00Dickinson’s Real Deal (S,HD). From Bolton,Greater Manchester. 3.00 The AlanTitchmarsh Show (S,HD). 3.59 RegionalProgramme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point(S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (R,S,HD).

6.25 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.10 Will &Grace (R,S,HD). 8.00 Everybody LovesRaymond (R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S). 11.05The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S).12.05 Come Dine with Me: Ireland (R,S).2.40 Countdown (S,HD). 3.30 Deal or NoDeal (S,HD). Beat-the-banker game show.4.30 Come Dine with Me (S). 5.00 CoachTrip (S,HD). 5.30 Superstar Dogs:Countdown to Crufts (S).

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The WrightStuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors(R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime(S,HD). 12.15 Ben Fogle: New Lives inthe Wild (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home andAway (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours(S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). 3.15 Film:Seduced by Lies (S,HD) (2010). Premiere.Thriller, starring Josie Davis.●●● 5.00 5News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD).

7.45 Live UEFA Europa LeagueFootball (S,HD). Swansea City vNapoli (Kick-off 8.05pm).Coverage of the last-32 first-legencounter at the LibertyStadium, where the Swans areaiming to cause an upset.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.6.15 ITV News and Weather (S).6.45 Emmerdale (S,HD). Hour-long

episode. Val kicks Eric out ofthe house.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 17/20.Bart saves the life of a sicklycalf.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Finn faces alife-threatening situation.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).Evelyn walks out of a partyafter Matt tries to kiss her.


10.10 ITV News and Weather (S).10.40 ITV News West Country (S);

Weather.10.45 The Invention of Lying (S,HD)

(2009). See Choices Above.●●●

12.35 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S).The host takes his successful talk showstateside. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 TheJeremy Kyle Show (R,S). Guests air theirdifferences.


8.00 Supersize vs Superskinny (S).6/8. A chocoholic swaps dietswith an energy-drink addictand meets an overeater inAmerica, while EmmaWoolfinvestigates eating disordersamong athletes and dancers.

9.00 Big Ballet (S). 3/3. See ChoicesAbove.

10.00 Bodyshockers: My Big BoobHell (S,HD). 4/4. See ChoicesAbove.

12.00 One Born Every Minute (R,S). 1.00Random Acts (S,HD). 1.05 First Dates(R,S). 2.00 A&E’s Missing Millions –Channel 4 Dispatches (R,S). 2.30Benefits Street: The Last Word (R,S).3.00 Scandimania (R,S,HD). 3.55Location, Location, Location (R,S). 4.50Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD). 5.45 BakingMad with Eric Lanlard (R,S,HD).

7.00 A Right Royal Scandal (S,HD).Stories about the royal familythat have made headlinesaround the world. Narrated byAlistair Appleton. Followed by5 News Update.

8.00 Henry VIII & Anne: TheLovers Who Changed History(S,HD). See Choices Above.Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 The Hotel Inspector (S,HD).3/8. Alex Polizzi visitsLlandudno, north Wales, tohelp the owner of thestruggling Alexandra Hotel,which has a failing restaurant, abad reputation and negativereviews.

11.00My Face Is Eating Me Alive:Extraordinary People(R,S,HD). A Zimbabweanwoman’s mission to findtreatment for her daughter,who has a facial tumour.

10.00 Brain Hospital: Saving Lives(S,HD). 3/4. A 34-year-old man iskept conscious throughoutsurgery to remove a tumourand a 19-year-old womanundergoes rehabilitation aftersuffering a brain haemorrhage.

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.05 Holiday Love Rats Exposed(R,S,HD). Brits conned by people preying onsingle holiday-makers looking for love. 4.00House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor(R,S). A property in Spennymoor, CoDurham. 4.45 Great Scientists (R,S). Aprofile of Albert Einstein. 5.10 WildlifeSOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

6.00 Sign Zone: Nature’s WeirdestEvents (R,S). Bees in France that are makingmulticoloured honey. 7.00 Sign Zone: ItalyUnpacked (R,S). 8.00 Sign Zone: See Hear(S). 8.30 Live Winter Olympics (S,HD).Coverage of the opening events on day 13of the Games. 1.00 Live Winter Olympics(S,HD). The women’s curling final. 4.30 LiveWinter Olympics (S,HD). The concludingcoverage of the 13th day of the Games inRussia.

7.00Winter Olympics: Today atthe Games (S,HD). ClareBalding looks back at events onday 13 of the Games, staged atvenues across Sochi andKrasnaya Polyana in Russia.

8.00 The Hairy Bikers’ AsianAdventure (S,HD). 2/6. SeeChoices Above.

9.00 Bible Hunters (S,HD). 2/2. Parttwo of two. The discovery ofstrange zodiacs, hymns toEgypt’s solar god and hereticalChristian texts that threatenedto shake the foundations ofChristianity.

10.00 QI (R,S,HD). 2/18. With JackDee, David Mitchell, Bill Baileyand Alan Davies.


11.20 The Restaurant Man (R,S,HD).1/6. Russell Norman helps first-time restaurateurs.

11.00 24 Hours in A&E (R,S,HD). 7/8.A registrar treats a man whohas been having seizures for 30minutes.

12.20 Sign Zone: See Hear (R,S). 12.50Sign Zone: Kidnapped: Betrayed byBritain? – Panorama (R,S). 1.20 SignZone: The Tea Trail with Simon Reeve(R,S). 2.20 This Is BBC Two (S). 4.00 BBCLearning Zone (S,HD).

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Question Time, 10.35pm Winter Olympics: Today … 7pm Live UEFA Europa … 7.45pm Supersize vs Superskinny, 8pm A Right Royal Scandal, 7pm

BIG BALLET9pm, Channel 4The plus-size dancers have just five weeks toperfect their own 25-minute version of SwanLake. Mentors Wayne Sleep and MonicaLoughman also feel the pressure, knowingthey must put on a show that will confoundthe critics with spectacular costumes,performances and music.

THE HAIRY BIKERS’ASIAN ADVENTURE8pm, BBC2Dave Myers and Si Kingcontinue their culinaryjourney by heading toThailand, where theysample Bangkok’s streetfood and find out how rice is grown.

HENRY VIII & ANNE: THE LOVERS WHOCHANGED HISTORY8pm, Channel 5Part one of two. Historian SuzannahLipscomb examines the extraordinary storyof the tumultuous love affair between HenryVIII and Anne Boleyn, beginning byexploring the seven-year courtship of theroyal couple.

BBC1

INSPECTOR GEORGEGENTLY8.30pm, BBC1An ex-serviceman iswanted for murder,and the search to findhim leads Gently andBacchus into a worldof military medical secrets.


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6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The WrightStuff (HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors(R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime(S,HD). 12.15 Ben Fogle: New Lives inthe Wild (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home andAway (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours(S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S). 3.15 Film:Seduced by Lies (S,HD) (2010). Premiere.Thriller, starring Josie Davis.●●● 5.00 5News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD).

7.00 A Right Royal Scandal (S,HD).Stories about the royal familythat have made headlinesaround the world. Narrated byAlistair Appleton. Followed by5 News Update.

8.00 Henry VIII & Anne: TheLovers Who Changed History(S,HD). See Choices Above.Followed by 5 News at 9.

9.00 The Hotel Inspector (S,HD).3/8. Alex Polizzi visitsLlandudno, north Wales, tohelp the owner of thestruggling Alexandra Hotel,which has a failing restaurant, abad reputation and negativereviews.

10.00 Brain Hospital: Saving Lives(S,HD). 3/4. A 34-year-old man iskept conscious throughoutsurgery to remove a tumourand a 19-year-old womanundergoes rehabilitation aftersuffering a brain haemorrhage.

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.05 Holiday Love Rats Exposed(R,S,HD). Brits conned by people preying onsingle holiday-makers looking for love. 4.00House Doctor (R,S). 4.20 House Doctor(R,S). A property in Spennymoor, CoDurham. 4.45 Great Scientists (R,S). Aprofile of Albert Einstein. 5.10 WildlifeSOS (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

HENRY VIII & ANNE: THE LOVERS WHOCHANGED HISTORY8pm, Channel 5Part one of two. Historian SuzannahLipscomb examines the extraordinary storyof the tumultuous love affair between HenryVIII and Anne Boleyn, beginning byexploring the seven-year courtship of theroyal couple.

6.00 Emmerdale 6.25 CoronationStreet 6.55 You’ve Been Framed! 7.45The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S). 8.30Dinner Date 9.30 The RealHousewives of Atlanta 10.30 TheReal Housewives of New Jersey 11.30Millionaire Matchmaker 12.30Emmerdale 1.00 Coronation Street(R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). 2.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show(R,S,HD). 4.10 The Real Housewives ofNew Jersey (S,HD). 5.05 MillionaireMatchmaker (R,S,HD).

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). 7/26. Featuring theultimate drooling dog.


6.00 Dinner Date (R,S).19/30. Daniel fromLondon picks three blinddates.

8.00 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 1/24. Charliereturns to his bachelorlifestyle.

8.30 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 2/24. Charlietells Alan why he andMia broke up.

10.00 Celebrity Juice:Saturday NightTakeaway Special(S,HD). New series. WithAnt and Dec, AshleyRoberts and RobBeckett.

10.50 Fake Reaction (S,HD).8/10. With Ollie Lockeand David Morgan.

11.35Mom (R,S,HD). 6/22.Christy takes thingsslowly in herrelationship with Adam.

12.05 Dads (R,S,HD). Eli datesVeronica’s friend Anne. 12.40 Twoand a Half Men (R,S,HD). 1.05Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD).1.35 The Big Reunion 2014(R,S,HD). The members of 5th Storyspeak about their solo careers. 2.25Teleshopping. Home shopping.5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

9.00 The Big Reunion 2014(S,HD). 3/8. Adam Rickitt,Kavana, Gareth Gates,Dane Bowers and Kenziefrom newly formed boyband 5th Story speakabout the extreme highsand lows of their solocareers.



6.00 Switched (R,S). 6.25 90210(R,S,HD). 7.10 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Glee(R,S,HD). 10.00 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S).11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00 Rules ofEngagement (R,S,HD). 12.30Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00 How I MetYour Mother (R,S,HD). 2.00 The BigBang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 4.00 Rules ofEngagement (R,S,HD). 5.00 How IMet Your Mother (R,S,HD).

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD). JohnPaul is faced with thedilemma of saving rapistFinn or letting him die.


8.00 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 4/24. Amyspoils one of Sheldon’sfavourite films bypointing out a plot hole.

8.30 How I Met YourMother (S,HD). 3/24.

10.00 The Midnight Beast(S,HD). 5/6. A flashbackepisode revealing howthe guys first met.

10.30 The IT Crowd (R,S). 5/6.Roy and Moss becomejuvenile delinquents.

12.00 Troy (R,S). The magicianwreaks havoc at a football match.1.00 2 Broke Girls (R,S,HD). 1.35Revenge (R,S,HD). 2.30 My MadFat Diary (R,S,HD). 3.25 The ITCrowd (R,S). 3.50 Glee (R,S,HD).4.35 Ugly Betty (R,S,HD). SalmaHayek guest stars.

9.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine(S,HD). 6/22. Amy isforced to wear fancydress to go undercoveron Halloween.

9.30 The Inbetweeners(R,S). 5/6. Will is lefthome alone.



6.00 Luton Airport (R,S). 7.00Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S).Tracking fugitives. 8.00 ModernFamily (R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama(R,S). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles(R,S,HD). 2.00 The Simpsons(R,S). 3.30 Futurama (R,S). 4.30The Simpsons (R,S). 5.30Modern Family (R,S,HD). Phil andClaire get a worrying glimpse ofthe future.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).13/22. Homer and Barttransform the fortunesof a losing racehorse.


8.00 Arrow (S,HD). 10/23.Oliver faces new enemyShrapnel, who has setoff a string of bombsacross the city.

10.00 Ross Kemp: ExtremeWorld (R,S,HD). 5/6. Rosstravels to Las Vegas,where he discovers howlife in the so-calledentertainment capital ofthe world is far from funfor many.

12.00 A League of Their Own(R,HD). With Joe Hart, ClaudiaWinkleman and John Bishop. 1.00An Idiot Abroad 2 (R,S,HD). 2.00Brit Cops: Law & Disorder (R,S).3.00 Road Wars (R,S). 4.00 LutonAirport (R,S). 4.30 Luton Airport(R,S). 5.00 Airline USA (R,S,HD).5.30 Airline USA (R,S).

11.00 A League of TheirOwn: Unseen (R,S).Out-takes, gaffes andunseen footage.

9.00 The Smoke (S,HD). 1/8.See Choices Above.

6.20 Last of the SummerWine (S). 10/11. Arumour causes ructions.

6.10 Ever Decreasing Circles (S). 6.40Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 7.10 ’Allo ’Allo!(S). 7.50 As Time Goes By (S). 8.30Goodnight Sweetheart. 9.10 KeepingUp Appearances (S). 9.50 2point4Children (S). 10.30 Last of the SummerWine (S). 11.50 Ever Decreasing Circles(S). 12.30 dinnerladies (S). 1.10 OnlyFools and Horses 2.30 Harry Hill’s TVBurp. 3.00 ’Allo ’Allo! (S). 3.40 As TimeGoes By 4.20 Goodnight Sweetheart.5.00 Keeping Up Appearances 5.40Last of the Summer Wine (S).

7.00 Only Fools and Horses(S). 2/7. Rodney goes italone.

7.40 Only Fools and Horses(S). 3/7. Del plans a spotof salmon-poaching.

8.20 dinnerladies (S). 4/10. Aconvict escapes near thefactory.

10.20 Gavin & Stacey (S). 6/8.The newlyweds beginleading separate lives.

11.00 Shooting Stars (S). 1/6.Comedy quiz, withguests Example, Si King,Camilla Dallerup andLinda Henry.

11.40 The Smell of Reevesand Mortimer (S). 3/6.

12.20 Gavin & Stacey (S). Thenewlyweds argue while on a nightout at the bowling alley. 1.00Gavin & Stacey (S). Bryn tries toorganise a surprise for Gwen’sbirthday. 1.30 Gavin & Stacey (S).2.00 Little Britain (S). 2.30Shooting Stars (S). 3.00 Close

9.00 Gavin & Stacey (S). 4/8.The newlyweds arguewhile on a night out atthe bowling alley.

9.40 Gavin & Stacey (S). 5/8.Bryn tries to organise asurprise for Gwen’sbirthday.

6.00 Ringside (HD). Boxingmagazine.

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans(HD). 8.00 Sporting Greats (S). Aprofile of Shane Warne. 8.30Live Test Cricket (HD). SouthAfrica v Australia. 4.00 UEFAChampions League Highlights(HD). Arsenal v Bayern Munichand ACMilan v Real Madrid.5.00 FL72 Preview. A lookahead to the latest round offixtures.

7.00 Premier League World(S,HD). A round-up of thelatest news.

7.30 Live Super League(HD). Wakefield TrinityWildcats v Bradford Bulls(Kick-off 8.00pm). EddieHemmings and MikeStephenson presentcoverage of the top-flight game at Belle Vue.

11.30 Premier League World(S,HD). A round-up of thelatest news.

12.00 Super League (HD).Wakefield Trinity Wildcats vBradford Bulls. 1.00 PremierLeague Darts (HD). The thirdround of the season from Belfast.4.30 Premier League World(S,HD). A round-up of the latestnews. 5.00 Ringside (HD). Boxingmagazine.

10.00 ATP Tour Uncovered(HD). Tennis news.

10.30 FL72 Preview. A lookahead to the latestround of fixtures in theChampionship, LeagueOne and League Two.

The Big Reunion … 9pm The Big Bang Theory, 6pm The Smoke, 9pm Gavin & Stacey, 9pm Live Super League, 7.30pm

BODYSHOCKERS: MY BIGBOOB HELL10pm, Channel 4Katie Piper meets a womanwho wants to reverse herbreast enlargement surgeryand a man preparing for animplant of a 3D skullbeneath the surface of his skin.

THE SMOKE9pm, Sky1New drama series from the makers ofBroadchurch and The Tunnel about a team ofLondon firefighters. Jamie Bamber heads thecast as White Watch leader Kev, who is happywith his lot in life, with a great job andgirlfriend – until a traumatic call-out endswith him spending nine months in recovery.

11.00 Rude Tube (R,S,HD).5/6. Online videos on thetheme of sportingsuccess and failure.

7.00 Total Wipeout(R,S). Adventuregame show,hosted by RichardHammond.

8.00 Traffic Cops(R,S). OfficerspatrollingBritain’s roads.

9.00 The WhiteSlums: ReggieYates’ ExtremeSouth Africa(S,HD). Newseries.Exploring threedifferent SouthAfricancommunities.

10.00 Ja’mie: PrivateSchool Girl(S,HD).


11.25 Family Guy (R,S).11.50 Family Guy (R,S).12.10 American Dad!(R,S). 12.35 Ja’mie:Private School Girl(R,S,HD). 1.00 The WhiteSlums: Reggie Yates’Extreme South Africa(R,S,HD). 2.00 Live at theElectric (R,S,HD). 2.30Russell Howard’s GoodNews (R,S,HD). 3.00 IsAmanda Knox Guilty?(R,S).

7.00World NewsToday (HD);Weather.

7.30 Top of the Pops:1979 (R).

8.00 EverDecreasingCircles (R).

8.30 Britain on Film:Country Living(R).

9.00 The Brits WhoBuilt theModernWorld (HD).Architecture ofthe 1980s.

10.00 The Man WhoFought thePlanners: TheStory of IanNairn. Thearchitecturalcritic’scareer.

11.00 Dissected: TheIncredibleHuman Hand(R,HD).

12.00 The Life of Rockwith Brian Pern (R,HD).12.30 Top of the Pops:1979 (R). 1.05 Dreamingthe Impossible: UnbuiltBritain (R,HD). 2.05 EverDecreasing Circles (R).2.35 The Brits Who Builtthe Modern World (R).

THE INVENTION OFLYING10.45pm, ITVIn a world whereeveryone tells the truth,a writer becomes asuccess by learning howto lie. Comedy, starringRicky Gervais.

THE COLOR OFMONEY11.35pm, BBC1A pool hustler takes anaspiring player under hiswing and helps himmake the big time.Drama, with PaulNewman and Tom Cruise.


FILM

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THURSDAYFebruary

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BBC1

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10

10.00 Homes Under the Hammer(R,S,HD). 11.00 The Sheriffs Are Coming(R,S,HD). 11.45 Saints and Scroungers(S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 RegionalNews (S); Weather. 1.45 Doctors (S,HD).2.15 Perfection (R,S). 3.00 Escape to theCountry (R,S,HD). 3.45 James Martin:Home Comforts (S,HD). 4.30 Put YourMoney Where Your Mouth Is (S,HD). 5.15Pointless (R,S,HD).

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). WithChris Evans and Fearne Cotton .

7.25 Room 101 (S,HD). 5/8. WithJosh Widdicombe, Aled Jonesand Sara Cox.

7.55 Live Six Nations RugbyUnion (S,HD). Wales v France(Kick-off 8.00pm). JohnInverdale introduces coveragefrom the Millennium Stadium,where the third round offixtures gets under way.



by National Lottery Update.10.35 The Graham Norton Show

(S,HD). 18/21. Light-heartedchat and music.

11.25 Pound Shop Wars (R,S,HD).3/4. Chris Edwards finds a rivalstore using the Poundworldname.

11.55 EastEnders (S,HD). Omnibus.


11

12

6.00 Daybreak (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S).9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S). 10.30This Morning (S). 12.30 Loose Women(S,HD). Panellists include Ruth Langsfordand Sherrie Hewson. 1.30 ITV News andWeather (S). 1.55 ITV News WestCountry (S). 2.00 Dickinson’s RealDeal (S,HD). 3.00 The Alan TitchmarshShow (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme(S). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 TheChase (R,S,HD).

6.25 Countdown (R,S,HD). 7.10 Will &Grace (R,S,HD). 8.00 Everybody LovesRaymond (R,S). 9.30 Frasier (R,S). 11.00The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.00Channel 4 News Midday Summary (S).12.05 Celebrity Come Dine with Me:Ireland (R,S). 2.40 Countdown (S,HD).3.30 Deal or No Deal (S,HD). 4.30 ComeDine with Me (S). 5.00 Coach Trip (S,HD).5.30 Superstar Dogs: Countdown toCrufts (S).

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15Benidorm ER (R,S,HD). A 48-year-oldwoman from Glasgow is rushed in withchest pains. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD).1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S).3.15 Film: Recipe for Murder (S) (2002).Mystery, starring Gary Basaraba.●● 5.00 5News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD).

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). SeeChoices Above.

7.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).Gloria urges Dennis to leaveWeatherfield with her.


6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 18/20. Lisamakes a documentary abouther family.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD).

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).Nate tries to persuade Ricky totell Brax about her pregnancy.



Weather.10.35 The Americans (R,S,HD). 9/13.

Philip and Elizabeth decide toseparate, but the spies continueto work together to uncoverthe identity of a KGB officialbefore he is attacked by theFBI.

12.30 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA (R,S).The host takes his successful talk showstateside. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service.


8.00 Extreme Dog Styling(R,S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 8 Out of 10 Cats DoesCountdown (S). 1/2. JimmyCarr hosts the comedy panelshow’s version of the famousquiz, with team captains SeanLock and Jon Richardson joinedby guests James Corden andJack Dee.

10.00 The Last Leg (S,HD). 4/8. Acomic review of the past sevendays.

10.50 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (S,HD).6/22. Amy is forced to wearfancy dress to go under coveron Halloween.

12.50 The Simpsons (R,S). 1.15 RandomActs (S). 1.20 According to Jim (S,HD).1.45 Happy Endings (S,HD). 2.10 HappyEndings (S,HD). 2.30 Franklin & Bash(S,HD). 3.15 Boss (S,HD). Kane begins tolose control. 4.10 Location, Location,Location (R,S). Catching up with first-timebuyers in the Cotswolds and London. 5.05Deal or No Deal (R,S,HD).

7.00 World’s Fastest Train(R,S,HD). Exploring four historicengineering breakthroughsthat paved the way for France’shigh-speed TGV. Followed by 5News Update.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers (S,HD). Atrailer malfunction leaves Jackstranded during the biggeststorm of the season, whileHugh and Rick make a riskyjourney across untested ice inManitoba. Followed by 5 Newsat 9.

9.00 Ben Fogle: New Lives in theWild (S,HD). 4/4. See ChoicesAbove.

10.00 Navy Seals (S,HD) (1990).See Choices Above.●●

12.15 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.05 Trauma Doctors (R,S,HD).Medics treat a workman badly burned in anelectrical explosion. 4.00 House Doctor(R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). A clutteredB&B on the Norfolk coast. 4.45 GreatArtists (R,S). The life and work of Giotto diBondone. 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35Wildlife SOS (R,S).

6.00 This Is BBC Two (S). 6.20 Sign Zone:The Great Interior Design Challenge(R,S). 7.20 Sign Zone: Torvill & Dean: ThePerfect Day (R,S). 8.20 Lifeline (R,S). 8.30Live Winter Olympics (S,HD). The openingevents on day 14 of the Games in Russia.12.00 Live Winter Olympics (S,HD).Further coverage from Russia on day 14 ofthe Games. 4.30 Live Winter Olympics(S,HD). The final coverage of day 14 inRussia.

7.00 Winter Olympics: Today atthe Games (S,HD). ClareBalding presents highlightsfrom the 14th day of the Gamesin Russia.

8.00 Mastermind (S,HD). 24/31.Specialist subjects include theGrateful Dead and the novelsof Wilkie Collins.

8.30 An Island Parish (S,HD). 6/6.

9.00 Mock the Week Looks Backat Animals (S). 2/10. Aselection from the show’sarchives on the theme ofanimals.

9.30 QI (R,S,HD). 1/18. With SaraPascoe, Jack Whitehall andDavid Mitchell.

10.00 Alan Davies Apres-Ski (S,HD).3/3. See Choices Above.

10.30 Newsnight (S,HD).

11.00 Weather (S).11.05 Synecdoche, New York

(S,HD) (2008). Comedy drama,starring the late Philip SeymourHoffman.●●●

11.40 The Chase (R,S,HD). 14/148.Quiz show, hosted by BradleyWalsh.

11.20 The Naked Gun 2 1/2: TheSmell of Fear (S,HD) (1991).See Choices Above.●●●

1.05 Sign Zone: Question Time (R,S).Topical debate, with author JeanetteWinterson and philosopher Roger Scruton.2.05 Sign Zone: Hidden Kingdoms (R,S).Survival techniques used by the animalkingdom’s smallest creatures. 3.05 This IsBBC Two (S). Preview of upcomingprogrammes.

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8.00 Student Nurses: Bedpansand Bandages (S,HD). 2/8. Afirst-year student receives ashock.

8.30 Coronation Street (S,HD).Dennis tries to choose betweenGloria and Rita.

9.00 Edge of Heaven (S,HD). 1/6.See Choices Above.

Live Six Nations Rugby Union, 7.55pm Synecdoche, New York, 11.05pm Coronation Street, 7.30pm The Last Leg, 10pm Ice Road Truckers, 8pm

ALAN DAVIESAPRES-SKI10pm, BBC2The comedian takes anirreverent look at allthe latest news andaction from the WinterOlympics in Sochi asthe event draws to a close.

EMMERDALE7pm, ITVKerry feels guilty for her part in Bob andBrenda’s problems and devises a plan to reunitethem. Val’s doctor is positive about her outlookand recommends that she and Eric settle theirdifferences – but will she be prepared to forgiveDiane? Jai and Rishi meet a man who claims tohave information about Rachel and Archie.

EDGE OF HEAVEN9pm, ITVNew comedy drama seriesset in a 1980s-themed B&B.Sofa salesman Alfie findshis life in turmoil after hisfiancee Carly leaves him atthe altar. Starring BlakeHarrison and Camille Coduri.

EXTREME DOG STYLING8pm, Channel 4Documentary exploring the world of extremedog grooming. Across America, poodles arebeing crimped, primped and dyed tocompete in a multimillion-dollar activity.However, British dog-lover Su Eld-Weaver ishoping she and her pet Dobby can beat theAmericans at their own game.

9.30 The Real Housewives ofAtlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The RealHousewives of New Jersey(R,S,HD). 11.30 MillionaireMatchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’veBeen Framed! (R,S). 2.00 TheJeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 TheReal Housewives of New Jersey(S,HD). 5.05 MillionaireMatchmaker (R,S,HD).

12.20 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). Charlie nearly drownswhile trying to surf. 12.50 Twoand a Half Men (R,S,HD). Alan andKandi battle for custody of theirpet dog. 1.15 Dads (R,S,HD). 1.40Mom (R,S,HD). 2.05 You’ve BeenFramed! (R,S). 2.30Teleshopping. Home shopping.

BEN FOGLE: NEW LIVESIN THE WILD9pm, Channel 5The adventurer travels toCentral America to spendtime with Englishman IanUsher, who sold hisbelongings on eBay andbought an island off the coast of Panama.


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6.00 Milkshake!. 9.15 The Wright Stuff(HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD).12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15Benidorm ER (R,S,HD). A 48-year-oldwoman from Glasgow is rushed in withchest pains. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD).1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS (R,S).3.15 Film: Recipe for Murder (S) (2002).Mystery, starring Gary Basaraba.●● 5.00 5News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours(R,S,HD).

7.00 World’s Fastest Train(R,S,HD). Exploring four historicengineering breakthroughsthat paved the way for France’shigh-speed TGV. Followed by 5News Update.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers (S,HD). Atrailer malfunction leaves Jackstranded during the biggeststorm of the season, whileHugh and Rick make a riskyjourney across untested ice inManitoba. Followed by 5 Newsat 9.

9.00 Ben Fogle: New Lives in theWild (S,HD). 4/4. See ChoicesAbove.

12.15 SuperCasino. Live interactivegaming. 3.05 Trauma Doctors (R,S,HD).Medics treat a workman badly burned in anelectrical explosion. 4.00 House Doctor(R,S). 4.20 House Doctor (R,S). A clutteredB&B on the Norfolk coast. 4.45 GreatArtists (R,S). The life and work of Giotto diBondone. 5.10 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.35Wildlife SOS (R,S).

EXTREME DOG STYLING8pm, Channel 4Documentary exploring the world of extremedog grooming. Across America, poodles arebeing crimped, primped and dyed tocompete in a multimillion-dollar activity.However, British dog-lover Su Eld-Weaver ishoping she and her pet Dobby can beat theAmericans at their own game.

9.30 The Real Housewives ofAtlanta (R,S,HD). 10.30 The RealHousewives of New Jersey(R,S,HD). 11.30 MillionaireMatchmaker (R,S,HD). 12.30Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’veBeen Framed! (R,S). 2.00 TheJeremy Kyle Show (R,S). 4.10 TheReal Housewives of New Jersey(S,HD). 5.05 MillionaireMatchmaker (R,S,HD).

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). 15/28.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!(R,S). 19/28. Featuringdaft dads andmischievous children.

6.00 Dinner Date (R,S). 4/30.Ross from the Midlandschooses three blinddates.

8.00 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 3/24. Charlienearly drowns whiletrying to surf.

8.30 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). 4/24. Alan andKandi battle for custodyof their pet dog.

12.20 Two and a Half Men(R,S,HD). Charlie nearly drownswhile trying to surf. 12.50 Twoand a Half Men (R,S,HD). Alan andKandi battle for custody of theirpet dog. 1.15 Dads (R,S,HD). 1.40Mom (R,S,HD). 2.05 You’ve BeenFramed! (R,S). 2.30Teleshopping. Home shopping.

9.00 2 Fast 2 Furious (S,HD)(2003). A disgraced cop isgiven a chance toredeem himself by goingundercover to bring adrug trafficker to justice.Thriller sequel, with PaulWalker, Tyrese Gibsonand Eva Mendes.Including FYI Daily.●●


6.30 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 13/24.Leonard’s car is stolen.

8.00 Charmed (R,S). 9.00 Glee(R,S,HD). 10.00 Rude(ish) Tube(R,S). 11.00 Charmed (R,S). 12.00Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD).12.30 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 1.00How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD).2.00 The Big Bang Theory(R,S,HD). 3.00 Rude(ish) Tube(R,S). 4.00 Rules of Engagement(R,S,HD). 5.00 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD).

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).Robbie is determined toget revenge.


8.00 How I Met YourMother (R,S,HD). 3/24.Ted writes a list ofthings he wants to dobefore moving toChicago.


12.00 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). 1.05The Midnight Beast (R,S,HD).1.35 PhoneShop (R,S,HD). 2.05Cardinal Burns (R,S,HD). 2.30Celebrity Bedlam (R,S,HD). 3.00Balls of Steel Australia (R,S).3.25 The Ricky Gervais Show(R,S,HD). 3.50 Glee (R,S,HD). 4.35Ugly Betty (R,S,HD).

6.00 Modern Family(R,S,HD). 22/24.


6.00 Luton Airport (R,S). 7.00Dog the Bounty Hunter (R,S).Tracking fugitives. 8.00 ModernFamily (R,S,HD). 9.00 Futurama(R,S). 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles(R,S,HD). 2.00 The Simpsons (R,S).3.30 Futurama (R,S). 4.30 TheSimpsons (R,S,HD). 5.30 ModernFamily (R,S,HD). Phil shares thesecrets of selling houses on schoolcareer day.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S).21/22. With the voices ofMelanie Griffith andLarry Hagman.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).9/22.

8.00 Modern Family(R,S,HD). 1/24. Mitch andCammake a bigdecision.

8.30 Modern Family(R,S,HD). 2/24. Luke andManny face their firstday at high school.

10.00 Moone Boy (R,S,HD).1/6. Martin is appalledwhen the family go onholiday during theWorld Cup.

10.30 Duck Quacks Don’tEcho (HD). 3/8. SuePerkins, Bob Mortimerand Aston Merrygoldjoin in the fun.

12.30 A League of Their Own:Unseen (R,S). Out-takes, gaffes andunseen footage. 1.25 An IdiotAbroad 2 (R,S,HD). 2.20 Brit Cops:Law & Disorder (R,S). 3.10 RoadWars (R,S). 4.00 Luton Airport(R,S). 4.30 Luton Airport (R,S).5.00 Airline USA (R,S). 5.30Airline USA (R,S).

11.30 A League of TheirOwn: Unseen (R,S,HD).More out-takes fromseries seven of the show.

9.00 Stella (S,HD). 5/10.See Choices Above.

6.20 Last of the SummerWine (S). 2/11. Howard’sbicycle starts acting verystrangely.

9.50 2point4 Children (S). 10.30Last of the Summer Wine (S).11.50 Ever Decreasing Circles(S). 12.30 dinnerladies (S). 1.10Only Fools and Horses (S). 2.30Harry Hill’s TV Burp. 3.00 ’Allo’Allo! (S). 3.40 As Time Goes By(S). 4.20 Goodnight Sweetheart.5.00 Keeping Up Appearances(S). 5.40 Last of the SummerWine (S).

7.00 Only Fools and Horses(S). 4/7. Del falls for aglamorous antiquesdealer.


8.20 dinnerladies (S). 5/10.Bren’s past catches upwith her.

10.35 Fawlty Towers (S). 4/6.A guest’s death plungesthe hotel into chaos.

11.20 Shooting Stars (S). 2/6.With guests KimberlyWyatt, Trisha Goddard,David Gest and BenMiller.

12.00 The Smell of Reeves andMortimer (S). Holiday antics with1970s pop group Slade. 12.40French and Saunders (S). 1.15Shooting Stars (S). 1.45 TheSmell of Reeves and Mortimer(S). 2.15 French and Saunders (S).A spoof of Star Wars: The PhantomMenace. 3.00 Close

9.00 Fawlty Towers (S). 2/6.Two doctors becomeintrigued by Basil’sbehaviour.

9.50 Fawlty Towers (S). 3/6.An American comes tostay.

7.00 Great MovieMistakes:Revenge of theFifth (R,S).

7.25 Doctor Who(R,S,HD). MadameVastra, Jenny andStrax investigatea mystery in 1893Yorkshire.

8.15 Doctor Who(R,S,HD). An oldenemy returns.

9.00 Meet theFockers (S,HD)(2004).●●●

10.55 Family Guy(R,S,HD). Lois isforced to find ajob.

11.15 Family Guy(R,S,HD). Joe andQuagmire aresuspicious ofPeter’s new friend.

11.35 Live at theElectric (S,HD).

12.05 Live at the Electric(S,HD). 12.35 Uncle(R,S,HD). 1.05 Ja’mie:Private School Girl(R,S,HD). 1.30 Sun, Sexand Suspicious Parents:Thailand (R,S,HD). 2.30Live at the Electric(R,S,HD). 3.00 Live at theElectric (R,S,HD). 3.30Uncle (R,S,HD).

7.00 World NewsToday (HD);Weather.

7.30 TransatlanticSessions (R,HD).

8.00 Sound ofCinema: TheMusic ThatMade theMovies (R,HD).How changingtechnology hastaken filmsoundtracks innew directions.Last in the series.

9.00 BB King – TheLife of Riley(HD). The veteranAmerican bluesmusician tells hisstory.

10.35 Blues at the BBC(R). FeaturingSon House, theKinks and EricClapton.

11.35 Blues America(R). Part one oftwo. A look at theearly years ofblues music.

12.35 Blues America (R).1.40 BB King – The Lifeof Riley (R,HD). 3.15Sounds of the 70s 2Troubadours – PeacefulEasy Feeling (R).

6.00 Champions LeagueWeekly (HD). A lookahead to the last 16.

6.30 The Fantasy FootballClub (HD).

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans(HD). 8.00 Premier League World(S,HD). A round-up of the latestnews. 8.30 Live Test Cricket (HD).South Africa v Australia. Coverageof the second day of the Second Testat St George’s Park, Port Elizabeth,as the three-match series continues.4.00 FL72 Preview. A look aheadto the latest round of fixtures. 5.00Football’s Greatest (S).

7.30 Live Super League(HD). Leeds Rhinos vWarringtonWolves(Kick-off 8.00pm). EddieHemmings and MikeStephenson presentcoverage of the top-flight match atHeadingley.

11.00 Premier LeaguePreview (HD). A lookahead to the weekend’sfixtures.

11.30 Champions LeagueWeekly (HD). A lookahead to the last 16.

12.00 Super League (HD). LeedsRhinos v Warrington Wolves. 1.00The Fantasy Football Club (HD).2.00 Premier League Preview(HD). 2.30 Champions LeagueWeekly (HD). 3.00 Super League(HD). 4.00 The Fantasy FootballClub (HD). 5.00 Irish Football(HD).

10.00 The Fantasy FootballClub (HD). John Fendleyand Paul Merson presenta discussion on keyfantasy football issues, aswell as the weekend’sPremier League matches.

Take Me Out, 11.10pm How IMet YourMother, 5pm Stella, 9pm Fawlty Towers, 9pm Live Test Cricket, 8.30am

NAVY SEALS10pm, Channel 5The US Navy’s elitecommando forceembarks on a covertmission to recoverstolen missiles fromBeirut. Adventure,starring Charlie Sheen.

THE NAKED GUN 21/2: THE SMELL OFFEAR11.20pm, Channel 4Frank Drebin uncovers aplot to replace a solarenergy expert with animposter. Comedy,starring Leslie Nielsen.

BEN FOGLE: NEW LIVESIN THE WILD9pm, Channel 5The adventurer travels toCentral America to spendtime with Englishman IanUsher, who sold hisbelongings on eBay andbought an island off the coast of Panama.

STELLA9pm, Sky1The nurse’s professional skills are testedwhen she accidentally shuts Michael’s handin his car bonnet, although with herhormones raging, it remains to be seen howmuch longer she can avoid throwing herselfat him. A girls’ night out to see TV star RylanClark spells trouble for Emma.

11.00 Troy (R,S,HD). 2/6. Themagician wreaks havocat a football match.


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11.10 Take Me Out (R,S,HD).7/8. A rugby player, aphysiotherapist, agymnastics coach and adrainage engineer takepart.

9.00 Role Models (S,HD)(2008). After a brushwith the law, twoirresponsible men haveto look after troubledkids as communityservice. Comedy, withPaul Rudd andChristopher Mintz-Plasse.●●●●

FRIDAY

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Homes&Living

21February

82

We’re all in stitches on Sewing Bee set

Claudia Winklemanis searching theroom, looking fora piece of woodto touch. She’s atThe Royal SchoolOf Needlework to

chat about the second series ofThe Great British Sewing Bee, butwhen talk turns to the futurehappiness of her three children,the otherwise pragmatic42-year-old comes over allsuperstitious.“I just have to keep my kids

safe and well-read and hopefullyhappy,” she says, after finding acabinet that meets her needs.Her three children – Jake, ten,

seven-year-old Matilda andtoddler Arthur – are the drivingforce behind her career, a jobshe modestly describes as“reading out loud”.Refreshingly open, the

presenter, who studied atCambridge and is married tofilm producer Kris Thykier, saysthat “no work” would be herideal situation, joking that she’s“livid” whenever she has toleave the comfort of her bed.At the moment, Winkleman,

who started out on BBC travelprogramme Holiday and has

since hosted Hell’s Kitchen andthe Eurovision Song Contest, aswell as her weekly arts show onBBC Radio 2 and the StrictlyCome Dancing results show, ishappy enough with her lot.A while back, she

re-addressed her life when theamount of work she was doingleft her “miserable”.“I like to work when the kids

are asleep or with their dad,”she explains, adding that shetook her parents’ and friends’advice to reduce her workload.“Therefore the film show [Film

2014] works as they’re asleep.The Radio 2 show works asthey’re asleep. The Saturday orSunday when I’m doing Strictlyworks because they’re with theirdad. This is the priority and weall know when the balance iswrong.”The Great British Sewing Bee,

which sees ten of the country’sbest amateur sewers take onchallenges judged by Savile Rowtailor Patrick Grant and sewingteacher extraordinaire MayMartin, works too. It’s also a lotof fun.“The camaraderie on any film

crew is key,” says Winkleman,who is “obsessed” with making

cakes and watching The GreatBritish Bake Off.“I shouldn’t say this but it

doesn’t really matter what goesout [on TV]. I hope it’s fine and Ihope I can continue to have ajob but if I don’t, I don’t.“I’ll bake. I’ll open a bakery, no

one will come. But the key withall these things [TV shows] isthat the crew, the hair andmake-up, and the sewers all crywith laughter all day.”But as much fun as she is at

work, the last thing she wants todo when she gets home is settledown to watch herself onscreen.“I never watch myself, that’s

why I haven’t improved. I’m stillthe same,” she says.“I’d vomit. It’s the same thing

as listening to a voice messageyou’ve left but worse, becauseyou see your face!”She doesn’t even like looking

at her reflection. “I don’t haveany mirrors in my house really.And also, I’ve got really badeyesight.“In my head, I look a bit like a

supermodel and I’m surprisedmore people don’t crash [whenthey see me].“I’ve got no concept of how I

look or how I am.”That said, she does know she

has “an enormous amount ofhair across my face”.Winkleman’s hair, and in

particular her fringe, was a boneof contention with one boss.“Someone at work said, ‘You’vegot to chop this’. They were like,‘You’re having a laugh andyou’re really irritating towatch’.”Cutting comments like that

could break other people, butnot this lady.“We’re friends. I love criticism,

so when my producer fromStrictly goes, ‘I’m not being funnybut you can never wear pinkagain’, I absolutely listen tothem,” says Winkleman.Much as she enjoys her TV

work, she’s very clear on herpriorities.“My main job is to look after

my kids. I love them. I want tobe with them because they’regoing to be bored of me in aminute,” she says, smiling.“After that, it’s back to dying myskin and reading out loud.”

After being impressed by the facilities he saw at a City of Bristol College Open Event, Joe did a Music Technology course. He’s now a self-employed musician arranging, composing and playing his own music and has just released his debut album.If there’s something you want to learn, make 2014 the year you do it – we have over 1000 adult courses to choose from.

0117 312 5000 www.cityofbristol.ac.uk

JOE saw himself as a PROFESSIONAL MUSICIAN


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