THE SIX-SIDED MENTORING BOX

Timothy A. Cavell, PhD

Professor and Director of Clinical Training Department of Psychology

University of Arkansas

What I hope to cover…

�  Factors that can make or break long-term mentoring relationships with high-risk children

�  The difficulties of socializing children at risk �  The Six-Side Mentoring Box �  How the framework fit my own mentoring

experiences

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But first, meet Andrew

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�  10 years old; 5th grader �  Diagnosed with ADHD �  Lives with maternal

grandmother �  Bio-dad is incarcerated �  Bio-mom has struggled

with drugs/alcohol; has 2 younger half-siblings

�  Note: The boy in the photo is Asa Butterfield, star of Hugo—not Andrew!

Children of incarcerated parents are at risk

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� More than 1.7 million children � At risk for emotional, behavioral, school

problems; insecure relationships � Likely to live in disadvantaged, single

parent homes � Caregivers often experience poor mental

and physical health

Makariev & Shaver (2010)’s attachment-focused model of processes affecting incarcerated parents and their children

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“The model is necessarily complex because one of our goals is to indicate, while maintaining high hopes for successful interventions, that the factors impinging on children of incarcerated parents are numerous and difficult to ameliorate.”

Mentoring children of incarcerated parents

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�  Poehlmann et al. (2009) studied 57 matches and found ¡ > 1/3 of terminated before 6 months ¡ 30 of the 57 unavailable by 6 months

�  Reasons for terminating ¡ Child and mentor did not hit it off ¡ Child saw mentors as a source of $, not friendship ¡ Mentor underestimated the required commitment ¡ Families moved and appointments were forgotten

�  But children with more contacts had less problem behavior

Now, meet his mentor

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�  55 year-old man �  Married, father of 3

children (22, 19, 18) �  Clinical child/family

psychologist �  Mentoring researcher �  But… �  http://vimeo.com/30197676

3 key players in the mentoring relationship

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¡  MENTEE factors ÷ Age, gender, culture/race/ethnicity ÷ Level of risk ÷ Type of risk (individual vs. environmental) ÷ Relationship history/competence

Effects of Mentoring on Youth with Different Relational Profiles

Quality of Prior Relationships

Poor Relationships Satisfactory but not Strong

Strong Relationships

Overall Academics

.00 .21*** .05

Prosocial .04 .19* .04

Effort .05 .18* .00

Self-Esteem -.04 .07 -.01

(Schwartz, Rhodes, & Chan (2011). Developmental Psychology

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3 key players in the mentoring relationship (cont.)

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¡  MENTOR factors ÷ Age, gender, culture/race/ethnicity ÷ Occupation, education, marital status ÷ Relationship history/competence

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Mentor Attachment & Relationship Quality

Successful* Unsuccessful F

Ambivalence 2.65 (0.91) 3.13 (0.97) 4.36* Avoidance 2.55 (1.22) 3.05 (1.04) 3.03+

Note. Successful mentors had both child and mentor ratings of relationship support above the sample mean. * p < .05; + p < .10

3 key players in the mentoring relationship (cont.)

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¡  PROGRAM STAFF factors?? ÷ Background (e.g., age, gender) ÷ Training/education, professional experience ÷ Their relationship history/competence ÷ Skills, experience, time available for

¢ Screening mentors ¢ Training mentors ¢ Supporting mentors

÷ Understanding the challenge of forming and sustaining a long-term mentoring relationship with a child at risk

3 Key Goals for Long-Term Mentoring

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�  Can I form a relationship with my mentee? ¡  Can I start this relationship off well? ¡  Will I matter to him/her?

�  Can I maintain that relationship? ¡  Will I be able to follow through, avoid burning out? ¡  Will I continue to matter over time?

�  Can the relationship have a positive influence? ¡  How can I use the relationship as a positive force? ¡  Will I be around when it matters (critical incident mentoring)?

Socialization: Two Definitions

�  For parents, teachers, mentors, & other adults ¡ socialization is the process

of helping children participate in positive contexts while limiting their involvement in contexts that promote negative or deviant behavior.

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Socialization: Two Definitions (cont.)

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� For children, ¡ socialization is the

process of finding and participating in contexts that offer opportunities for success and a sense of belonging.

Implications?

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� Socialization is not a simple top-down process (adult à child)

� Children shape their own development � Children invest in contexts that offer

¡ a sense of belonging ¡ opportunities for success

� Parents, families, & schools compete for children’s time and attention

� Competition = appealing, deviant contexts

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Socialization Can Go Awry

Children are at risk if they…

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� Struggle to access positive contexts (e.g., sports) but can easily access deviant contexts (gangs)

� Struggle to succeed in positive contexts (e.g., school) but find “success” in more deviant contexts (e.g., hanging out)

� Spend more time in deviant contexts than in positive contexts

� Children of incarcerated parents tend to carry all of these risks

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Availability of Prosocial

Contexts Seek, Access, and Participate

in Prosocial Contexts

Seek, Access, and Participate in Deviant Contexts

Relative Benefits of Participating in Prosocial

vs. Deviant Contexts

Availability of Deviant Contexts

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But positive contexts often require self-regulation

�  Self-regulation involves ¡  Managing emotions ¡  Inhibiting impulsive behavior ¡  Planning and communicating

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And that can make it hard to fit in.

Children At Risk Make Adults Look Less Positive: Negative Parenting by Adoptive Parents

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20

22

24

26

28

30

32

7 9 10 11 12

At riskNon-risk

Mean level of negative control

Age in years

Some high-risk children come to view

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� Coercion as a good influence strategy �  Interpersonal situations as win or lose � Other people as hostile and rejecting � Themselves in an overly positive light, and � Adults as lacking power

At school, these children are

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�  Socially rejected by peers

� Disliked by teachers

� Disengaged from school and school work

� At risk for dropping out

Their options become…

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�  Divesting from positive contexts and investing in deviant contexts

�  Identifying and associating with deviant peers

�  Engaging in delinquent

acts with peers

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Aggressive @ age 9-10 years

≈ 50% Arrested by age 14 years

≈75% 3 or more arrests by age 18 years

The Risk of Early Deviant Behavior

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Investment in Systems of

Shared, Prosocial

Commerce

Availability of Prosocial

Contexts

Antisocial Behavior

Seek, Access, and Participate

in Prosocial Contexts

Seek, Access, and Participate in Deviant Contexts

Relative Benefits of Participating in Prosocial

vs. Deviant Contexts

Availability of Deviant Contexts

Self-Regulatory

Skills

Sustained Success in Prosocial Contexts

Long-Term Mentoring

� Outcomes depend on match length and strength

�  Managing the mentor-mentee relationship, over time, becomes critical

�  Needed is a plan for sustaining mentors over the long haul

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The 6-Sided Mentoring Box?

� Accepting � Containing � Leading � -------------- � Goals � Structure � Health

(Relationship Conditions)

► ---------

(Relationship Foundations)

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Relationship Foundations: Goals

� Are your goals workable? Are your expectations realistic?

� Gettings & Wilson (2014) ¡ 5-item measure of commitment predicted

whether mentors stayed or left ¡ A better predictor than satisfaction with the

relationship ¡ Sample items

÷ I want our relationship to last as long as possible.  ÷ I am committed to maintaining my relationship with my

mentee. 

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Relationship Foundations: Structure

�  Routines – predictable visits

�  Rules – what won’t happen during a visit

�  Roles – clear boundaries, vertical relationship

�  Rituals – structured activities that have special meaning for mentees

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Relationship Foundations: Health

� The foundation of good, long-term mentoring � Prevents burn out � Recognizes mentoring as a relationship that is

¡ Long term ¡ Has costs

÷ Emotional ÷ Financial ÷ Time

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Relationship Conditions: Accepting

�  A consistent message that mentees are valued; they matter to you; they are worth your time

�  The default mode of mentoring �  Often relies on the principle of “Less is more” �  What does acceptance look like?

¡  The Story of Little Raccoon and Standing Tree

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Relationship Conditions: Containing

�  A clear message that certain behaviors are not allowed

�  Effective limit setting usually means raising the cost of misbehavior while also increasing the value of a more positive behavior

�  But limit setting must also be selective, at least a 4:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions

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Relationship Conditions: Leading

�  Looms large when your relationship is going well �  Think of leading as 3 types of carrying

¡  Carry the water (support) ¡  Carry a message (values) ¡  Carry your self (example)

The 3rd Option ¡  I noticed you __________. ¡  I believe __________. ¡  STOP

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So what about me and Andrew?

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� Goals? �  Structuring? � Health? � Accepting? � Containing? �  Leading?

My Initial Goals

� Try to form a relationship that matters to Andrew �  Specific goals

¡ Like him ¡ Like what he likes ¡ Try to make each visit have more positive than

negative emotional experiences

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Structure?

�  Routines – Cici’s or McDonald’s

�  Rules – Safety, seat belts

�  Roles – Collaborative but still hierarchical

�  Rituals– FM 105.7

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Health

� Giving to Andrew ¡  Time, fun, attention ¡  Acceptance

÷  “50 and boring” ÷  “fish in the sea”

� But also giving to Tim ¡  My marriage ¡  My family ¡  My work ¡  My exercise ¡  My friends

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Leading?

�  What did he see? ¡  My family ¡  My friends ¡  My work ¡  How I treated others

�  What did he think ? ¡  Who knows? ¡  “You have a weird voice mail message” ¡  “I’m with him” (at HS basketball game with my son)

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Was I Accepting? The #s after 4 months

�  2 (# of Halloween shops visited first outing) �  2 (# of hours spent looking for his costume) �  1.5 (# of hours I researched Dragon Ball Z) �  4 (# of weeks my background picture was à) �  3 (# of sporting events attended) �  2.5 (# of hours spent at Chuck E Cheese) �  3.5 (# of hours spent at the roller skating rink) �  2.25 (cost of the big order of fries he ordered

at our last visit) �  6 (# of fries he actually ate)

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Containing: Only 2 issues

� Knowing where he was � Throwing ¡ Rocks ¡ F bombs

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So, did I meet my initial goal? Did I matter to Andrew?

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�  Clues against ¡  Skating hiatus ¡  “Na” ¡  Moved away

�  Clues for ¡  In the window, “Sup?” ¡  Real Steel ¡  “Had fun hanging out” ¡  Asked for me again

Contact Information

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Timothy A. Cavell, PhD Professor & Director of Clinical Training Department of Psychology University of Arkansas Fayetteville, AR 72701 479/575-4256 479/575-3219 (fax) tcavell@uark.edu