the seven secrets of success

8/3/2019 The Seven Secrets of Success

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THE SEVEN SECRETS OF SUCCESS

INTRODUCTION

Welcome to The Seven Secrets of Success.

The word success can be applied to all aspects of our lives. You may be

searching for success in your career, your relationships, your financial

situation, health or your sense of well-being. Clearly, any one of these could

benefit from a series of its own and, while this series cant cover all aspects

of life, Ive aimed to put together Seven Tips which, when followed and

applied, cant fail but have a positive impact on your life and increase

your chance of success.

Each Secret contains some practical exercises and I really recommend that

you do these. As with all aspects of coaching, its taking action thats the

key to success not just thinking about it. Thinking about it is a good first

step, but isnt enough if you really want to make changes in your life.

I hope you find this series useful please dont hesitate to contact me if

you have any questions or need any help. My contact details are at the

bottom of each page. Good luck and heres to your great success in

everything you do.

Annabel Sutton, 2009. May not be reproduced without permission.

Phone: 44 (0)1747 871196 Email: [email protected] www.annabelsutton.com


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Contents

Success Secret No 1 Page No. 1

Know What your Definition of Success is

Success Secret No 2 Page No 4

Know Where Youre Going


Celebrate Your Achievements


Maximise Your Energy

Success Secret No 5 Page No11

Watch Your Language


Take Time Out


Just Say NO

And Finally Page No 19




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SECRET NUMBER ONE

Before you can be successful, you need to know what your

definition of success is

"Whats money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to

bed at night and in between does what he wants to do." Bob Dylan

Have you ever come across somebody who seems to have all the external

trappings of success: loads of money, powerful job, expensive lifestyle and

yet somehow they dont seem happy? Its probably because their seemingly

successful life is totally incongruent with who they really are and whats

truly important to them.

Thats why this first secret is so important. Without the awareness of what

success really means to you, and whats truly important to you, you could

be chasing an illusion what everyone else thinks success means and it

wont actually bring you happiness and fulfilment.

Once youre clear about what success means for you, you can be much more

focused about where you want to go in life. If youre NOT clear about it,

youre more likely to drift with little focus or clarity and find it hard to

make decisions about your future.

What does success mean for you? How would you define it and how would

you like it to show up in your life?



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Theres no right or wrong answer to this question. Its intensely personal

and everyones definition will be different. For some it might mean making

it to the top of their chosen career; for others material wealth might

epitomise success; while for others their definition of success might be

entirely built round fulfilling relationships or perhaps managing to live in a

fully self-sustainable way, enjoying an enriching spiritual life or giving

everything away to charity.

What about you?

Jot down some ideas. If you find it difficult and many people do here

are a couple of tips that might help to initiate some ideas and give you a

fresh perspective:

Without censoring or editing, complete the sentence: For me, success

means . as many times as you can. Dont think about it too hard and

write down whatever comes to mind first.

Project yourself forward to your 70th

birthday and take a look back overyour life. From this perspective, what would you like to have achieved?

What would have been really important to you? Imagine that family and

friends are going to arrive for a big celebratory party later in the day.

What would you like them to say about you? What tributes would you

like them to pay?

This may sound a touch morbid, but its a great trick to focus the mind

on whats really important to you and how you want to live your life:

Have a go at writing your own obituary. First, write a version which

describes your current life. How does that feel? Does it embrace those

things that are really important to you and which you want to prioritise

in your life? If it doesnt feel right, try a second version and include

those things for which you would like to be remembered.



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In 2005 Roz Savage became the first woman to compete in the solo

Atlantic Rowing Race. She rowed 3000 miles across the Atlantic Ocean,

alone and unsupervised, and spent 103 days at sea. This remarkable feat

only came about because she did the Obituary writing exercise and

wasnt satisfied with what she saw in her first version! Her second

version included words like adventurous, courageous, fearless and

colourful.

Clearly, Roz Savages story is pretty exceptional and Im not suggesting that

you have to go off and conquer Everest or become a Barack Obama or

Mother Theresa. But being crystal clear about what success really means to

you knowing what your priorities are and whats truly important to you

will provide a solid foundation for your future success. It should bring a

sense of clarity and peace to your life and will be the touchstone for any

decisions you make about your future.

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"The definition of success: To laugh much; to win respect of intelligent

ersons and the affections of children; to earn the approbation of

honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate

beauty; to find the best in others; to give one's self; to leave the world

a little better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a

redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with

enthusiasm, and sung with exultation; to know even one life has

breathed easier because you have lived - this is to have succeeded."

Ralph Waldo Emerson


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SECRET NUMBER TWO

Know where youre going

Begin with the end in mind. Stephen Covey

One of the differences between those who are really successful and those

who arent is that the former have a clear vision of the future and are

focused on achieving the goals that will get them there.

I have mixed feelings about setting goals. I know its important, but

sometimes it all feels a bit mechanical and robotic as if youre on a

treadmill where every second of the day must be accounted for and has to

be productive.

Personally, Im all for a bit of spontaneity in life, but having said that it is

important to have some kind of vision of where you want your life to go.

Without it youll find that life tends to drift. Theres nothing wrong with

that if thats how you want to live your life (after all,going with the flow

and letting your life progress organically might be your definition of success)

but for those who want a more focused approach, a clear vision of the

future is one of the keys to success.

Here are some exercises to get you thinking about how you would like your

future to be:

Consider all the different aspects of your life: your work, family,

significant relationship, social life, hobbies, sport, community,

finances, spirituality, creativity, your home and physical

environment, health and well-being. Taking each one in turn, think

about what it would be like if you were entirely satisfied with that

aspect of your life. What would that look like? What would be

different? What changes would you need to make?

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With this in mind, write a description of the way you would love your

life to look in, say, one years time. Or you could choose to do it in

five years or ten whatever works for you. Make this description as

detailed, vivid and real as you can. What are you doing? Where are

you? Who are you with? What can you see, hear, taste, touch and

smell? How are you feeling? The key with this exercise is to write it in

the present tense, as if its already happened. Youll find that its

much more powerful and has the effect of building momentum

drawing you almost unconsciously towards your desired outcome.

Another way to do this especially if youre naturally a visual person

is to create a Vision Board or Dream Board. This is a way to build a

visual representation of your future vision. You can use pictures or

words and phrases from magazines or newspapers; photos; drawings

anything that creates a compelling future vision.

Once you know where youre going and what youre working towards then

you can start to plan and set the goals that are going to get you there. No

more wandering around in a mist of uncertainty you can set your sail for

your very own dynamic horizon.

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Its the set of the sail, not the blow of the gale, that determines your

course in life.

Randy Davis


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SECRET NUMBER THREE

Celebrate your achievements

When you find achievements to celebrate, you nourish your spirit and

motivate yourself. Jinny Ditzler

Before every coaching session I ask my clients to complete a summary of

how theyve got on in the time since our last session. The first question on

the form is What have I achieved? Often theyll say that they had no idea

theyd achieved so much until they actually sat down and thought about it.

And this is the key.

Perverse creatures that we are, were far more likely to get to the end of

the day and think about all the things we havent done, or failed to do as

well as wed have liked. How many times do you sit down of an evening and

make a list of all the things youve done well? Its just not what we do.

I dont know why it is, but our natural inclination is always to focus on the

negatives. Given ten pieces of individual feedback nine of them with

glowing comments and one with negative which one are we most likely to

focus on more? Well dismiss the positive comments and keep coming back

to the negative.

OK, there will be days when you havent done everything youd planned and

when you might have screwed something up. Of course, nothing goes

smoothly all the time. So what? You can learn from those experiences.

Theres a quote which is always attributed to Queen Victoria (though

somehow that seems a bit unlikely) which goes: There is no such thing as

failure only success and new learning.

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Its critically important to focus on, and celebrate, our achievements. Doing

so will have a positive impact on our outlook, our confidence and,

ultimately, our success. Here are some suggestions to help you build this

habit into your schedule:

At the end of each day make a list of at least five things youve achieved

during the day. These dont have to be monumental it could be

something as seemingly insignificant as I finally finished writing my

report or I went for a bike ride today the key is that theyre important

/ significant to you in some way. Having done this, consider how you

could build on these successes the following day.

If doing this daily feels a bit much, perhaps you could get into the habit

of doing it at the end of the week, or even each month. The key is to do

it on a regular basis. My clients really notice the difference it makes

when they get into the habit of noting their achievements on a regular

basis.

If you have children you could make this a family activity: ask them at

supper-time what they achieved today, or involve your spouse or

partner.

If youve achieved something significant something youve wanted to

do for ages / a long-term goal you could plan something special as a

way to reward yourself and celebrate your success.

Its particularly important to do this at the end of each year. Sit downand write a HUGE list of all the things youve achieved in the year. Its a

really nourishing exercise to do and will set you up in a positive frame of

mind for the start of the New Year.

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Increasing your self-esteem is easy. Simply do good things and remember

that you did them. John-Roger


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SECRET NUMBER FOUR

Maximise your energy

1. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR NATURAL ENERGY CYCLES

We all have natural energy cycles when we feel the most awake and

focused; Im usually at my best in the morning whereas I know others that

prefer to burn the midnight oil and thats when they do their best work.

When are you at your best? What times of day do you feel bright, clear-

headed and full of energy? And when do you feel sluggish, fuzzy and tired?

They key is to know and accept when your energy is naturally at its best and

to consciously use these times for those tasks that require more mental

concentration and effort. The down times are best reserved for more

routine activities.

This can be applied to relationships, too. How many couples wait until the

end of the day, usually when theyre about to go to sleep, to initiate those

potentially difficult and divisive conversations? If youre tired, whatever

you do dont succumb to the pressure. Acknowledge the fact that you or

your partner wants to talk, but suggest that you wait until the morning or

a time when you both feel ready, and have the energy, for it.

2. ELIMINATE YOUR ENERGY DRAINERS

You cant make headway in life when there are things that are consistently

draining your energy and dragging you down. Its like trying to walk through

a ploughed field after its been raining and your boots are clogged with

mud; or trying to swim fully clothed. Youll end up feeling exhausted and

stressed and wont get anywhere fast.

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What are these energy drainers exactly? It could be physical stuff like an

untidy desk or shirt you cant wear because of a missing button; It could be

a draining relationship or a friend who talks endlessly about themselves and

their problems and drains your energy each time you speak; It could be

something about your physical environment (a room that needs painting or

the broken toaster that needs replacing); or maybe your finances (too much

credit card debt, lack of insurance, etc). There are endless possibilities. The

key is that these are things that irritate you, that drain your energy when

you think about them or have to engage with them in any way and that

youre currently putting up with. So, what to do?

Make a list of ALL the things in your life that are currently draining your

energy. Some may be relatively small things (such as the missing button)

and some might feel pretty big perhaps your job is really getting you

down and you know deep down that you need to make a change.

Next, go through the list and highlight the items that are irritating you

the most. Dont think about this too long go with your initial instinct.

Go through the list again and use a different means of highlighting any

items that look as if they would be relatively easy to deal with.

Choose THREE to deal with in the next week. If theyre items that are

relatively easy to deal with andirritating you the most, so much the

better. Cross them off the list as you handle them and then choose three

more. Aim to keep going with your list until theyre all dealt with. Each

time you eliminate one of these energy drainers youll feel so much

better and should experience a sense of relief and lightness. That alone

should help to galvanise you and build momentum.

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Clearly, some items will be easier than others. You may need some

help and support with the trickier ones.

3. Last, but not least, while youre busy eliminating those things that are

draining your energy, its really important to add things to your life that

give you energy. What do you love to do? What nourishes you and feeds your

body and soul? Is it singing? Walking? Sport? Meditation? Something creative?

Trying something new? Whatever it is for you, its vital to be sure to include

these activities in your life.

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Lets define tolerations as things that bug us, sap our energy, and

could be eliminated! Theres a small payoff to carrying tolerations

you get to feel kind of noble about your burdens and your forbearance.

But, believe me, its a very expensive source of self-esteem.

Tolerations are holes in your personal success cup; they drain away

your contentment and good fortune. They drain YOU. They make you

eel less attractive to yourself. Tolerations often represent

compromises youve talked yourself into. Thomas Leonard


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SECRET NUMBER FIVE

Watch your Language

Change your thoughts and you change your world. Norman Vincent Peale

Success in life has much to do with confidence. Confidence is a complex

subject and much has been written about it. Here, though, Im focusing on

building confidence through the (external) language you use when talking to

others and also, crucially, dealing with the (internal) language from your

Inner Critic

The language we use can have a major impact not only on how we view

ourselves, but also in the way others view us. Its important to become

aware of the language we use and to be especially attuned to the use of

unassertive language. Self-deprecation is a very British thing to do, and

while its great to be able to laugh at yourself and not take things too

seriously, it should never be at the expense of your self-confidence. Some

people let themselves down by using unassertive and self-deprecating

language. Phrases like Trust me to get it wrong or Ive always been hopelessat or Dont ask me to do that, Im bound to mess it up give a very clear

message about your view of yourself and your abilities.

For the next few days be especially attuned to the language that you,

and others, use. Notice when people use phrases that put themselves

down in some way. What impact does it have? If you tend towards self-

deprecation yourself, just experiment with avoiding it for a couple of

days and see what happens. You dont have to start bragging or boasting

about yourself, but choose NOT to put yourself down.

The way you use words can have a huge impact on the quality of your life.

Some words are destructive while others are empowering. Here are a couple

of examples:

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How often do you use the word SHOULD? Should is a word to be avoided

like the plague. It implies that you have little choice or control over a

situation and that there are external forces or pressures at work. In

other words, whatever it is that you feel youshould

be doing is probably

not something you really want to be doing, but rather something that

someone else is putting pressure on you to do. Shoulds are almost

always energy drainers. Each time you notice yourself using the word

shouldtry replacing it with the word couldinstead. See how much better

that feels? It immediately gives you the element of choice. Its not

something youve got to do, its something you can choose to do or not.

Its up to you.

Another word to avoid is WHY? Its human nature to want to know why

something is happening to us and to make sense of a difficult situation.

But it gets you nowhere and keeps you mired in the past. Instead of

asking Whysomething has happened, ask yourself a What question

instead. For example, rather than asking Why did that happen? ask

What do I want to do about it? See how much more empowering,

positive and forward thinking that is?

Equally crucial for success is the need to be aware of, and deal with, our

Inner Dialogue. We ALL do it. We all have that Inner Critic (or Chatterbox

or Gremlin or whatever you want to call it) who leaps into action whenever

we think about stretching ourselves or attempting anything new. This is the

inner voice that tells us were crazy to even think of doing something new

who do we think we are to consider such a thing? were hopeless

nobody would think of hiring us and so it goes on.

This inner language or dialogue can be really destructive. It comes from all

kinds of places: messages from childhood (from parents, school, teachers,

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authority figures), from the media, advertising, bosses, friends, colleagues.

By the time were adults weve amassed loads of evidence that were not

good enough and are bound to fail. Its NOT TRUE! The only person holding

you back, ultimately, is yourself. It was the indomitable First Lady Eleanor

Roosevelt who said, so wonderfully, No-one can make you feel inferior

without your consent.

Dont let your demons get you down is a line from the song Shine by

Take That and thats exactly what Im talking about here.

Its not easy to conquer the demons. But remember that awareness is the

precursor of change. Once youre aware of something then you can start (if

you choose) to change it. So how to do that?

The first thing to do is just to start noticing when the inner dialogue

kicks in. Start keeping track of the negative messages or limiting beliefs

that you hold about yourself. After a few days take a look and see if

there are any that are particularly dominant.

Ask yourself is it PRODUCTIVE for me to believe this?

If not, see if you can come up with a Positive Opposite of the negative or

limiting belief. For example, if youve identified Im hopeless at public

speaking as a firmly entrenched belief, you could replace it with

Public speaking is easy. I do it easily and naturally. If the total

opposite is too much to take on board, you can create a Bridging Belief one that bridges the gap between the two and feels more doable. In the

above example, it could be With the right training and practice I know

that Im perfectly capable of speaking in public.

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Then its a case of inculcating your new beliefs. This takes practice and

persistence. Its not going to happen overnight. It took many years for

these negative beliefs to become entrenched and so dont be deterred if

they try to stick around as long as they can! See if you can come up with

creative ways to start living and breathing your new positive messages

(or affirmations).

Some ideas: write them on post-its and stick them all over the house,

especially in places you will see them a lot. Have a go at, literally,

breathing them in: on a long breath, inhale deeply as you think of your

positive affirmation and, if you like, you can think of the negative

message as you exhale. Repeat your positive affirmation to yourself as

often as you can during the day, but particularly first thing in the

morning and last thing at night (while exercising is a great time, too).

Maybe you could create a visual representation of your affirmation and

have that somewhere you can see it frequently. Maybe theres a song

that represents the new feeling that you can play The important thing

is to do this on a daily basis.

Language is powerful. The way you use it and the words you choose to

believe about yourself, will have a huge impact on your self-confidence and,

ultimately, your success.

An affirmation is a strong, positive statement that something is already

so. Shakti Gawain

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SECRET NUMBER SIX

Take time out for yourself

The time to relax is when you dont have time for it. Anonymous

Whether youre the owner of a thriving business, an employee, a student or

a busy mum this final secret is hugely important. Life in the 21st century

seems to have speeded up so much, and become so hectic, that the

majority of people I coach are running flat out on their hamster wheels and

are consistently challenged by never having enough time. The technologyrevolution hasnt helped. Many of us are dogged by relentless electronic

chatter. Whereas decluttering used to mean clearing out a few cupboards,

now it invariably includes clearing out the email Inbox as well.

Whatever your circumstances, its vital to take time out from your busy

schedule to refresh and energise yourself on a regular basis. Its no

coincidence that if you take apart the word recreation you end up with

recreation. Taking time out to rest is, literally, a chance to recreate

yourself.

Taking time out will mean something different for everyone. I remember

when I was studying for my finals at University my friends had to literally

force me to take breaks from my revision. In the end, in desperation, they

bought me a train ticket to travel to London to go and see in the flesh the

works of art that I was studying! This was inspired. Not only did I

desperately need the break but getting away from my normal environment

(in this case the University of East Anglia library) was massively energising

and refreshing in itself.

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If youre working hard at anything you will do better work and be more

productive if you take regular breaks. And that means not only doing

something completely different, but taking yourself into a different

environment as well. This is essential. For example, taking a break from

computer work by playing computer games is not a valid break.

For the business owners I work with, the hour spent in their coaching session

is hugely beneficial. It gives them the opportunity to get away and work ON

the business rather than IN it. Equally, many agree that they do their best

thinking and strategic planning sitting in a caf nursing a latte, or on a train

journey, rather than sitting at their desk.

What does taking time out mean for you? Is it making sure you get out into

the fresh air for a walk or bike ride as often as you can? Does it mean the

luxury of taking yourself away for a weekend break? Is it having a chance to

meditate every morning before the hustle and bustle of the day begins?

Whatever it is that you need to recharge your batteries, be sure to make

time to do it. I know its really hard to find the time, and it can be

particularly challenging if you have small children, but see if you can get

creative with it.

If you cast your mind back to the last time you were watching the safety

demonstration on an aircraft you may remember that they instruct you to

put on your own oxygen mask first so that you can then help those around

you. In life its just the same. You need to take care of yourself so that

youre better equipped to be there for others as well as yourself.

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SECRET NUMBER SEVEN

Learn to say NO

If you never say NO then what is your YES worth? Anon

So what about the perennial problem that just wont go away? The very 21st

Century problem of never having enough time After all, if youre going to

be taking time out for yourself youre going to need to find the time to do

it. Here are a couple of suggestions of ways to regain control over your

time:

For the next week keep a Time Log where you make a note of everything

you do in the day and roughly how long you spend on each activity. You

dont have to be a slave to this, but try to be as precise as you can. At

the end of the week add up the time you spend on all the different

activities. What does this tell you? Are there things youre spending far

too much time on? Are there activities that are wasting your time? Are

some things no longer a priority now that you look at them in black andwhite? Are there things you could delegate to someone else or even drop

altogether? This exercise can be a real eye opener and the results may

well help you to see how you can carve out more time for yourself.

Learn to say no. This is, without doubt, the most important word in

the English language when it comes to time management. SO many

people struggle with this. Why is this? Perhaps its because we dont liketo let people down; we may be flattered to be asked to help with

something; ultimately we just want to be liked. Whatever the reason,

saying no is incredibly hard. But remember: every time you say yes to

someone else you are effectively saying no to YOU. There are only so



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many hours in the day and you just cant keep filling them up by saying

yes to everything youre asked to do. So how to do it? Here are some

suggestions:

Play for time. When someone asks you to do something tell them youll

get back to them in an hour, or that evening, or tomorrow. This gives

you time to think about it rationally and to decide whether it is really

something you want to do (not something you shoulddo).

Find a graceful way to say no. My tip is to use the hamburger model

which gives you a really simple, yet polite and graceful way to say no.

Imagine that the hamburger buns represent positive statements and the

burger itself a negative and this Simply sandwich the no between the

two positive statements. Something like: I really appreciate you asking

me to be on the committee. Its kind of you to think of me. Im afraid

Im not able to accept, but thanks again for asking me and I wish you lots

of luck with it. That may sound a bit clunky. Youll need to find

language that works for you. But using that model makes it a bit easier

to decline and hey presto the hours you would have had to spend on

the boring a tedious committee you now have for yourself! Of course,

you may have been just waiting to be asked to be on that committee in

which its a completely different story!

Saying no can be the ultimate self-care. Claudia Black

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And Finally

I really hope youve found these Secrets to Success useful.

Youll continue to receive tips like these every month as, by requesting this

series, you have been automatically subscribed to my Free Coaching Tips.

If youd like to read more, my book 52 Ways to Change Your Life contains

a compilation of 52 Tips one for each week of the year. Its available from

any Neals Yard Remedies shop or online at www.nealsyardremedies.com

If youd like to find out more about Life Coaching and how it could help you,

youre welcome to contact me for a free, no obligation consultation. Email

[email protected] for more details.

Wishing you every success

Annabel

ICF Professional Certified Coach

44 (0)1747 871196

[email protected]

www.annabelsutton.com

Follow me on Twitter: Annabel_Sutton

Connect with me on LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/annabelsutton


Phone: 44 (0)1747 871196 Email: annabel@annabelsutton com www annabelsutton com
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