CopyrightThe7HabitsofHighlyEffectivePeopleCopyright©1989,2004byStephenR.CoveyAllrightsreserved,includingtherightofreproductioninwholeorinpartinanyform.

Coverarttotheelectroniceditioncopyright©2009byRosettaBooks,LLC

Excerptof“LittleGiddings” fromFourQuartets, copyright 1943byT.S.Eliotand renewed1971byEsmeValerieEliot, reprintedbypermissionofHarcourtBraceJovanovich,Inc.

Firstelectroniceditionpublished2009byRosettaBooksLLC,NewYork.ISBNKindleedition:9780795309199ISBNMobipocketedition:9780795309205

Tomycolleagues,EmpoweredAndEmpowering

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Interdependenceisahighervaluethanindependence.

This work is a synergistic product of many minds. It began in themiddleseventiesasIwasreviewing200yearsofsuccessliteratureaspart of a doctoral program. I am grateful for the inspiration andwisdom ofmany thinkers and for the trans-generational sources androotsofthiswisdom.

I am also grateful for many students, friends, and colleagues atBrighamYoungUniversityand theCoveyLeadershipCenterandforthousands of adults, parents, youth, executives, teachers, and otherclients who have tested this material and have given feedback andencouragement.Thematerialandarrangementhasslowlyevolvedandhasimbuedthosewhohavebeensincerelyanddeeplyimmersedinitwith the conviction that the Seven Habits represent a holistic,integrated approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness, andthat,morethanintheindividualhabitsthemselves,therealkeyliesintherelationshipamongthemandinhowtheyaresequenced.

For the development and production of the book itself I feel a deepsenseofgratitude:

—toSandra and to each of our children and their spouses for livinglivesofintegrityandserviceandforsupportingmymanytravelsandinvolvementsoutsidethehome.It’seasytoteachprincipleslovedoneslive.

—tomybrotherJohnforhisconstantlove,interest,insightsandpurityofsoul.

—tothehappymemoryofmyfather.

—to my mother for her devotion to her more than 87 livingdescendantsandforherconstantdemonstrationsoflove.

—tomydearfriendsandcolleaguesinthebusiness,especially:

—to Bill Marre, Ron McMillan, and Lex Watterson for feedback,encouragement,editorialsuggestions,andproductionhelp.

—toBradAnderson,whoat great personal sacrifice for over a year,developed a SevenHabits video-based development program.Underhis leadership thismaterial has been tested and refined and is beingimplemented by thousands of people across a broad range oforganizations.Almostwithoutexception,after initialexposure to thismaterial,ourclientsdesiretomakeitavailabletogreaternumbersofemployees,underscoringourconfidencethatit“works.”

—toBobThele forhelping tocreateasystemforour firm thatgavemethepeaceofmindtoenablemetoreallyfocusonthebook.

—to David Conley for communicating the value and power of theSeven Habits to hundreds of business organizations so that mycolleagues,BlaineLee,RoiceKrueger,RogerMerrillandAlSwitzler,andIhavetheconstantopportunitytoshareideasinalargevarietyofsettings.

—tomyproactiveliteraryagentJanMiller,andmy“cando”associateGreg Link and his assistant Stephanni Smith and Raleen BeckhamWahlinfortheircreativeandcourageousmarketingleadership.

—tomySimonandSchustereditorBobAsahinaforhisprofessionalcompetenceandprojectleadership,forhismanyexcellentsuggestionsandforhelpingmetobetterunderstandthedifferencebetweenwritingandspeaking.

—tomy earlier devoted assistants Shirley andHeather Smith and tomypresentassistantMarilynAndrewsfora levelof loyaltywhich istrulyuncommon.

—to our Executive Excellencemagazine editor Ken Shelton for hiseditingofthefirstmanuscriptyearsago,forhelpingrefineandtestthematerialinseveralcontexts,andforhisintegrityandsenseofquality.

—to Rebecca Merrill for her invaluable editing and productionassistance,forherinnercommitmenttothematerial,andforherskill,sensitivity, and carefulness in fulfilling that commitment, and to herhusband,Roger,forhiswise,synergistichelp.

—andtoKaySwimandherson,Gaylord,fortheirmuchappreciatedvisionwhichcontributedtoourorganization’srapidgrowth.

FOREWORD

TwentyyearsagowhenIwrotethisbook,Ihadnoideahowtheworldwouldchangeandthatpeoplewouldbeable toreadThe7HabitsofHighlyEffectivePeopleinthisamazingwayonthisamazingproduct.

Since then, this book has been called “themost influential businessbook of the century” (byTheWall Street Journal). It stayed onTheNewYorkTimesbest-sellerlistforfiveyears.A“must-read”translatedinto38languages,with20millioncopiesinprint(andisarguablythemostpiratedbusinessbookintheworld).Google7Habitsandyou’llgetmorethan12millionhits.

I’vebeenhumbledandgratifiedbytheworldwideaudiencethisbookhasreached.Presidents,primeministers,andkingsreadthebook,butso do college students, construction workers, and kitchen help. I’veheardfromliterallythousandsofpeoplewhosaythingslikethis:

“Ilearnedtofocusontrulyimportantthings,notjusturgentthings.”

“Ilisten-reallylisten-tootherpeopleforthefirsttime.”

“SinceIstartedthinkingwin-wininajobthatwaskillingme,I’vefoundanewmissionandpurposeinmyprofessionallife.”

HowwillThe7Habitsimpactyou?Myhopeisthatyouwillfindnewhope, a greater sense of purpose,more peace ofmind, and farmorerewardingrelationshipsinbothyourpersonalandprofessionallife.

StephenR.Covey

December2009

FranklinCoveyCo.

CONTENTS

FOREWORD

PARTONE:PARADIGMSANDPRINCIPLES

Inside-OutTheSevenHabits—AnOverview

PARTTWO:PRIVATEVICTORY

HABIT1BeProactivePrinciplesofPersonalVision

HABIT2BeginwiththeEndinMindPrinciplesofpersonalLeadership

HABIT3PutFirstThingsFirstPrinciplesofPersonalManagement

PARTTHREE:PUBLICVICTORY

ParadigmsofInterdependence

HABIT4ThinkWin/WinPrinciplesofInterpersonalLeadership

HABIT5SeekFirsttoUnderstand,ThentoBeUnderstoodPrinciplesofEmpatheticCommunication

HABIT6Synergize

PrinciplesofCreativeCooperation

PARTFOUR:RENEWAL

HABIT7SharpentheSawPrinciplesofBalancedSelf-Renewal

Inside-OutAgain

AFTERWORD

APPENDIXA:PossiblePerceptionsFlowingoutofVariousCenters

APPENDIXB:AQuadrantIIDayattheOffice

PROBLEM/OPPORTUNITYINDEX

INDEX

ABOUTFRANKLINCOVEY

ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

PartOne

PARADIGMSandPRINCIPLES

INSIDE-OUT

Thereisnorealexcellenceinallthisworldwhichcanbeseparatedfromrightliving.

DAVIDSTARRJORDAN

Inmorethan25yearsofworkingwithpeopleinbusiness,university,andmarriage and family settings, I have come in contactwithmanyindividuals who have achieved an incredible degree of outwardsuccess,buthavefoundthemselvesstrugglingwithaninnerhunger,adeepneedforpersonalcongruencyandeffectivenessandforhealthy,growingrelationshipswithotherpeople.

I suspect someof theproblems theyhave sharedwithmemaybefamiliartoyou.

I’ve set and met my career goals and I’m having tremendousprofessional success. But it’s cost memy personal and family life. Idon’tknowmywifeandchildrenanymore.I’mnotevensureIknowmyselfandwhat’sreallyimportanttome.I’vehadtoaskmyself—isitworthit?

I’ve started a new diet—for the fifth time this year. I know I’moverweight, and I really want to change. I read all the new

information, I set goals, I get myself all psyched up with a positivemental attitude and tell myself I can do it. But I don’t. After a fewweeks,Ifizzle.Ijustcan’tseemtokeepapromiseImaketomyself.

I’ve taken course after course on effective management training. IexpectalotoutofmyemployeesandIworkhardtobefriendlytowardthemandtotreatthemright.ButIdon’tfeelanyloyaltyfromthem.Ithink if I were home sick for a day, they’d spendmost of their timegabbing at the water fountain. Why can’t I train them to beindependentandresponsible—orfindemployeeswhocanbe?

My teenage son is rebelliousandondrugs.Nomatterwhat I try,hewon’tlistentome.WhatcanIdo?

There’ssomuchtodo.Andthere’sneverenoughtime.Ifeelpressuredandhassledallday,everyday,sevendaysaweek.I’veattendedtimemanagement seminars and I’ve tried half a dozen different planningsystems. They’ve helped some, but I still don’t feel I’m living thehappy,productive,peacefullifeIwanttolive.

Iwant to teachmychildren thevalueofwork.But toget themtodoanything, I have to supervise every move … and put up withcomplainingeverystepoftheway.It’ssomucheasiertodoitmyself.Why can’t children do their work cheerfully and without beingreminded?

I’mbusy—reallybusy.ButsometimesIwonderifwhatI’mdoingwillmakeanydifferenceinthelongrun.I’dreallyliketothinktherewasmeaninginmylife,thatsomehowthingsweredifferentbecauseIwashere.

Iseemyfriendsorrelativesachievesomedegreeofsuccessorreceivesomerecognition,andIsmileandcongratulatethementhusiastically.Butinside,I’meatingmyheartout.WhydoIfeelthisway?

Ihaveaforcefulpersonality.Iknow,inalmostanyinteraction,Icancontroltheoutcome.Mostofthetime,Icanevendoitbyinfluencingothers to come up with the solution I want. I think through eachsituationandIreallyfeeltheideasIcomeupwithareusuallythebestfor everyone. But I feel uneasy. I always wonder what other peoplereallythinkofmeandmyideas.

Mymarriagehasgone flat.Wedon’t fightoranything;we justdon’tlove each other anymore. We’ve gone to counseling; we’ve tried anumberofthings,butwejustcan’tseemtorekindlethefeelingweusedtohave.

These are deep problems, painful problems—problems that quickfixapproachescan’tsolve.

A few years ago,mywife Sandra and Iwere strugglingwith thiskindofconcern.Oneofoursonswashavingaverydifficult time inschool.Hewasdoingpoorlyacademically;hedidn’tevenknowhowto follow the instructions on the tests, let alone do well on them.Socially he was immature, often embarrassing those closest to him.Athletically,hewassmall, skinny,anduncoordinated—swinginghisbaseball bat, for example, almost before the ball was even pitched.Otherswouldlaughathim.

SandraandIwereconsumedwithadesiretohelphim.Wefeltthatif “success” were important in any area of life, it was supremelyimportant in our role as parents. Soweworked on our attitudes andbehavior toward him andwe tried to work on his.We attempted topsych him up using positive mental attitude techniques. “Come on,son!Youcandoit!Weknowyoucan.Putyourhandsalittlehigheronthebatandkeepyoureyeontheball.Don’tswingtillitgetsclosetoyou.” And if he did a little better, we would go to great lengths toreinforcehim.“That’sgood,son,keepitup.”

Whenotherslaughed,wereprimandedthem.“Leavehimalone.Getoffhisback.He’sjustlearning.”Andoursonwouldcryandinsistthathe’dneverbeanygoodandthathedidn’tlikebaseballanyway.

Nothingwe did seemed to help, andwewere really worried.Wecouldseetheeffectthiswashavingonhisself-esteem.Wetriedtobeencouraging and helpful and positive, but after repeated failure, wefinallydrewbackandtriedtolookatthesituationonadifferentlevel.

At this time inmy professional role I was involved in leadershipdevelopmentworkwithvariousclientsthroughoutthecountry.Inthatcapacity I was preparing bimonthly programs on the subject ofcommunication and perception for IBM’s Executive DevelopmentProgramparticipants.

As I researched and prepared these presentations, I becameparticularlyinterestedinhowperceptionsareformed,howtheygovernthewaywesee,andhowthewayweseegovernshowwebehave.Thisledmetoastudyofexpectancytheoryandself-fulfillingpropheciesorthe“Pygmalioneffect,”and toa realizationofhowdeeply imbeddedourperceptionsare.Ittaughtmethatwemustlookatthelensthroughwhichwesee theworld,aswellasat theworldwesee,and that thelensitselfshapeshowweinterprettheworld.

AsSandra and I talked about the concepts Iwas teaching at IBMand about our own situation,webegan to realize thatwhatweweredoingtohelpoursonwasnotinharmonywiththewaywereallysawhim.When we honestly examined our deepest feelings, we realizedthat our perception was that he was basically inadequate, somehow“behind.” No matter how much we worked on our attitude andbehavior,oureffortswereineffectivebecause,despiteouractionsandour words, what we really communicated to him was, “You aren’tcapable.Youhavetobeprotected.”

Webegan to realize that ifwewanted to change the situation,wefirsthadtochangeourselves.Andtochangeourselveseffectively,wefirsthadtochangeourperceptions.

THEPERSONALITYANDCHARACTERETHICSAtthesametime,inadditiontomyresearchonperception,Iwasalsodeeply

immersedinanin-depthstudyofthesuccessliteraturepublishedintheUnitedStatessince1776.Iwasreadingorscanningliterallyhundredsofbooks,articles,and essays in fields such as self-improvement, popular psychology, and self-help.Atmyfingertipswasthesumandsubstanceofwhatafreeanddemocraticpeopleconsideredtobethekeystosuccessfulliving.As my study took me back through 200 years of writing about success, I

noticedastartlingpatternemerging in thecontentof the literature.Becauseofour own pain, and because of similar pain I had seen in the lives andrelationships ofmanypeople I hadworkedwith through the years, I began tofeelmoreandmorethatmuchofthesuccessliteratureofthepast50yearswassuperficial.Itwasfilledwithsocialimageconsciousness, techniquesandquickfixes—with social band-aids and aspirin that addressed acute problems andsometimes even appeared to solve them temporarily, but left the underlyingchronicproblemsuntouchedtofesterandresurfacetimeandagain.Instarkcontrast,almostalltheliteratureinthefirst150yearsorsofocusedon

whatcouldbecalled theCharacterEthic as the foundationof success—thingslikeintegrity,humility,fidelity,temperance,courage,justice,patience,industry,simplicity,modesty,andtheGoldenRule.BenjaminFranklin’sautobiographyisrepresentativeof that literature. It is,basically, thestoryofoneman’seffort tointegratecertainprinciplesandhabitsdeepwithinhisnature.TheCharacterEthic taught that therearebasicprinciplesofeffective living,

andthatpeoplecanonlyexperiencetruesuccessandenduringhappinessastheylearnandintegratetheseprinciplesintotheirbasiccharacter.But shortly after World War I the basic view of success shifted from the

Character Ethic towhatwemight call thePersonality Ethic. Success becamemoreafunctionofpersonality,ofpublicimage,ofattitudesandbehaviors,skillsand techniques, that lubricate the processes of human interaction. ThisPersonalityEthicessentiallytooktwopaths:onewashumanandpublicrelationstechniques, and the other was positive mental attitude (PMA). Some of thisphilosophy was expressed in inspiring and sometimes valid maxims such as“Your attitude determines your altitude,” “Smiling wins more friends thanfrowning,” and “Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe it can

achieve.”Other parts of the personality approach were clearly manipulative, even

deceptive,encouragingpeopletousetechniquestogetotherpeopletolikethem,ortofakeinterestinthehobbiesofotherstogetoutofthemwhattheywanted,ortousethe“powerlook,”ortointimidatetheirwaythroughlife.Some of this literature acknowledged character as an ingredient of success,

but tended to compartmentalize it rather than recognize it as foundational andcatalytic.ReferencetotheCharacterEthicbecamemostlylipservice;thebasicthrust was quick-fix influence techniques, power strategies, communicationskills,andpositiveattitudes.ThisPersonalityEthic,Ibegantorealize,wasthesubconscioussourceofthe

solutionsSandraandIwereattemptingtousewithourson.AsIthoughtmoredeeply about the difference between the Personality and Character Ethics, IrealizedthatSandraandIhadbeengettingsocialmileageoutofourchildren’sgoodbehavior,and,inoureyes,thissonsimplydidn’tmeasureup.Ourimageofourselves,andourroleasgood,caringparentswasevendeeperthanourimageofour sonandperhaps influenced it.Therewasa lotmorewrappedup in thewaywewere seeing and handling the problem than our concern for our son’swelfare.AsSandraandItalked,webecamepainfullyawareofthepowerfulinfluence

ofourowncharacterandmotivesandofourperceptionofhim.Weknewthatsocial comparison motives were out of harmony with our deeper values andcouldleadtoconditionalloveandeventuallytoourson’slessenedsenseofself-worth.Sowedeterminedtofocusoureffortsonus—notonourtechniques,butonourdeepestmotivesandourperceptionofhim. Insteadof trying tochangehim,wetriedtostandapart—toseparateusfromhim—andtosensehisidentity,individuality,separateness,andworth.Throughdeep thoughtand theexerciseof faithandprayer,webegan tosee

oursonintermsofhisownuniqueness.Wesawwithinhimlayersandlayersofpotentialthatwouldberealizedathisownpaceandspeed.Wedecidedtorelaxandgetoutofhiswayandlethisownpersonalityemerge.Wesawournaturalroleasbeingtoaffirm,enjoy,andvaluehim.Wealsoconscientiouslyworkedonourmotivesandcultivatedinternalsourcesofsecuritysothatourownfeelingsofworthwerenotdependentonourchildren’s“acceptable”behavior.Asweloosenedupouroldperceptionofoursonanddevelopedvalue-based

motives, new feelings began to emerge. We found ourselves enjoying himinsteadofcomparingorjudginghim.Westoppedtryingtoclonehiminourownimageormeasurehimagainstsocialexpectations.Westoppedtryingtokindly,positivelymanipulatehimintoanacceptablesocialmold.Becausewesawhim

asfundamentallyadequateandabletocopewithlife,westoppedprotectinghimagainsttheridiculeofothers.Hehadbeennurturedonthisprotection,sohewentthroughsomewithdrawal

pains, which he expressed and which we accepted, but did not necessarilyrespondto.“Wedon’tneedtoprotectyou,”wastheunspokenmessage.“You’refundamentallyokay.”As the weeks andmonths passed, he began to feel a quiet confidence and

affirmedhimself.Hebegantoblossom,athisownpaceandspeed.Hebecameoutstandingasmeasuredbystandardsocialcriteria—academically,sociallyandathletically—at a rapid clip, far beyond the so-called natural developmentalprocess.Astheyearspassed,hewaselectedtoseveralstudentbodyleadershippositions,developedintoanall-stateathleteandstartedbringinghomestraightAreport cards. He developed an engaging and guileless personality that hasenabledhimtorelateinnonthreateningwaystoallkindsofpeople.Sandra and I believe that our son’s “socially impressive” accomplishments

weremoreaserendipitousexpressionofthefeelingshehadabouthimselfthanmerelyaresponsetosocialreward.ThiswasanamazingexperienceforSandraandme, andavery instructionalone indealingwithourotherchildrenand inotherrolesaswell.ItbroughttoourawarenessonaverypersonallevelthevitaldifferencebetweenthePersonalityEthicandtheCharacterEthicofsuccess.ThePsalmist expressed our conviction well: “Search your own heart with alldiligenceforoutofitflowtheissuesoflife.”

PRIMARYANDSECONDARYGREATNESSMyexperiencewithmy son,my studyofperceptionandmy readingof the

success literature coalesced to create one of those “Aha!” experiences in lifewhensuddenlythingsclickintoplace.Iwassuddenlyabletoseethepowerfulimpact of the Personality Ethic and to clearly understand those subtle, oftenconsciously unidentified discrepancies betweenwhat I knew to be true—somethingsIhadbeentaughtmanyyearsagoasachildandthingsthatweredeepinmyowninnersenseofvalue—andthequickfixphilosophiesthatsurroundedmeeveryday.Iunderstoodatadeeperlevelwhy,asIhadworkedthroughtheyearswithpeoplefromallwalksoflife,IhadfoundthatthethingsIwasteachingandknewtobeeffectivewereoftenatvariancewiththesepopularvoices.I am not suggesting that elements of the Personality Ethic—personality

growth, communication skill training, and education in the field of influencestrategiesandpositive thinking—arenotbeneficial, infactsometimesessentialfor success. I believe they are. But these are secondary, not primary traits.Perhaps, in utilizing our human capacity to build on the foundation ofgenerations before us, we have inadvertently become so focused on our ownbuildingthatwehaveforgottenthefoundationthatholdsitup;orinreapingforsolongwherewehavenotsown,perhapswehaveforgottentheneedtosow.IfItrytousehumaninfluencestrategiesandtacticsofhowtogetotherpeople

to dowhat Iwant, towork better, to bemoremotivated, to likeme and eachother—while my character is fundamentally flawed, marked by duplicity andinsincerity—then, in the long run, I cannot be successful. My duplicity willbreeddistrust,andeverythingIdo—evenusingso-calledgoodhumanrelationstechniques—will be perceived asmanipulative. It simplymakes no differencehowgoodtherhetoricisorevenhowgoodtheintentionsare;ifthereislittleorno trust, there is no foundation for permanent success. Only basic goodnessgiveslifetotechnique.To focus on technique is like cramming your way through school. You

sometimesgetby,perhapsevengetgoodgrades,butifyoudon’tpaythepricedayinanddayout,youneverachievetruemasteryofthesubjectsyoustudyordevelopaneducatedmind.Didyoueverconsiderhowridiculousitwouldbetotrytocramonafarm—to

forgettoplantinthespring,playallsummerandthencraminthefalltobringin

theharvest?Thefarmisanaturalsystem.Thepricemustbepaidandtheprocessfollowed.Youalwaysreapwhatyousow;thereisnoshortcut.This principle is also true, ultimately, in human behavior, in human

relationships.They,too,arenaturalsystemsbasedonthelawoftheharvest.Intheshortrun,inanartificialsocialsystemsuchasschool,youmaybeabletogetby ifyou learnhowtomanipulate theman-maderules, to“play thegame.” Inmost one-shot or short-lived human interactions, you can use the PersonalityEthictogetbyandtomakefavorableimpressionsthroughcharmandskillandpretending to be interested in other people’s hobbies. You can pick up quick,easy techniques that may work in short-term situations. But secondary traitsalonehavenopermanentworth in long-term relationships.Eventually, if thereisn’t deep integrity and fundamental character strength, the challenges of lifewill cause truemotives to surface and human relationship failurewill replaceshort-termsuccess.Many peoplewith secondary greatness—that is, social recognition for their

talents—lackprimarygreatnessorgoodness in their character.Sooneror later,you’ll see this in every long-term relationship they have,whether it iswith abusiness associate, a spouse, a friend, or a teenage child going through anidentity crisis. It is character that communicatesmost eloquently.AsEmersononceputit,“WhatyouareshoutssoloudlyinmyearsIcannothearwhatyousay.”Thereare,ofcourse,situationswherepeoplehavecharacterstrengthbutthey

lack communication skills, and that undoubtedly affects the quality ofrelationshipsaswell.Buttheeffectsarestillsecondary.In the last analysis, what we are communicates far more eloquently than

anythingwe say or do.We all know it. There are people we trust absolutelybecauseweknowtheircharacter.Whetherthey’reeloquentornot,whethertheyhave the human relations techniques or not, we trust them, and we worksuccessfullywiththem.InthewordsofWilliamGeorgeJordan,“Intothehandsofeveryindividualis

given a marvelous power for good or evil—the silent, unconscious, unseeninfluenceofhislife.Thisissimplytheconstantradiationofwhatmanreallyis,notwhathepretendstobe.”

THEPOWEROFAPARADIGMThe Seven Habits of Highly Effective People embody many of the

fundamentalprinciplesofhumaneffectiveness.Thesehabitsarebasic;theyareprimary. They represent the internalization of correct principles upon whichenduringhappinessandsuccessarebased.But before we can really understand these Seven Habits, we need to

understandourown“paradigms”andhowtomakea“paradigmshift.”Both the Character Ethic and the Personality Ethic are examples of social

paradigms. The word paradigm comes from the Greek. It was originally ascientific term, and is more commonly used today to mean a model, theory,perception,assumption,orframeofreference.Inthemoregeneralsense,it’sthewaywe“see”theworld—notintermsofourvisualsenseofsight,butintermsofperceiving,understanding,interpreting.For our purposes, a simpleway to understand paradigms is to see them as

maps. We all know that “the map is not the territory.” A map is simply anexplanationofcertainaspectsoftheterritory.That’sexactlywhataparadigmis.Itisatheory,anexplanation,ormodelofsomethingelse.Suppose you wanted to arrive at a specific location in central Chicago. A

streetmapofthecitywouldbeagreathelptoyouinreachingyourdestination.Butsupposeyouweregiventhewrongmap.Throughaprintingerror,themaplabeled “Chicago” was actually a map of Detroit. Can you imagine thefrustration,theineffectivenessoftryingtoreachyourdestination?Youmightwork on yourbehavior—you could try harder, bemore diligent,

double your speed.But your effortswould only succeed in getting you to thewrongplacefaster.Youmightworkonyourattitude—youcouldthinkmorepositively.Youstill

wouldn’t get to the right place, but perhaps you wouldn’t care. Your attitudewouldbesopositive,you’dbehappywhereveryouwere.Thepoint is,you’dstillbe lost.Thefundamentalproblemhasnothingtodo

withyourbehaviororyourattitude.Ithaseverythingtodowithhavingawrongmap.IfyouhavetherightmapofChicago,thendiligencebecomesimportant,and

whenyouencounterfrustratingobstaclesalongtheway,thenattitudecanmakearealdifference.Butthefirstandmostimportantrequirementis theaccuracyof

themap.Eachofushasmany,manymapsinourhead,whichcanbedividedintotwo

maincategories:mapsof theway thingsare,orrealities,andmapsof thewaythingsshouldbe,orvalues.Weinterpreteverythingweexperiencethroughthesementalmaps.We seldomquestion their accuracy;we’reusually evenunawarethatwehavethem.Wesimplyassumethatthewayweseethingsisthewaytheyreallyareorthewaytheyshouldbe.Andourattitudesandbehaviorsgrowoutofthoseassumptions.Thewaywe

seethingsisthesourceofthewaywethinkandthewayweact.Beforegoing any further, I invite you to have an intellectual and emotional

experience. Take a few seconds and just look at the picture on the followingpage.Nowlookatthepictureandcarefullydescribewhatyousee.Doyou see awoman?Howoldwouldyou say she is?Whatdoes she look

like?Whatisshewearing?Inwhatkindofrolesdoyouseeher?Youprobablywoulddescribethewomaninthesecondpicturetobeabout25

years old—very lovely, rather fashionable with a petite nose and a demurepresence.Ifyouwereasinglemanyoumightliketotakeherout.Ifyouwereinretailing,youmighthireherasafashionmodel.ButwhatifIweretotellyouthatyou’rewrong?WhatifIsaidthispictureis

ofawomaninher60’sor70’swholookssad,hasahugenose,andiscertainlynomodel.She’ssomeoneyouprobablywouldhelpacrossthestreet.Who’sright?Lookat thepictureagain.Canyousee theoldwoman?Ifyou

can’t,keeptrying.Canyouseeherbighooknose?Hershawl?IfyouandIweretalkingfacetoface,wecoulddiscussthepicture.Youcould

describewhatyouseetome,andIcouldtalktoyouaboutwhatIsee.Wecouldcontinue to communicate until you clearly showed me what you see in thepictureandIclearlyshowedyouwhatIsee.Becausewe can’t do that, and study the picture there and then look at this

pictureagain.Canyouseetheoldwomannow?It’simportantthatyouseeherbeforeyoucontinuereading.

I first encountered this exercise many years ago at the Harvard Business

School. The instructorwas using it to demonstrate clearly and eloquently thattwo people can see the same thing, disagree, and yet both be right. It’s notlogical;itspsychological.Hebroughtintotheroomastackoflargecards,halfofwhichhadtheimage

oftheyoungwomanyousawandtheotherhalfofwhichhadtheimageoftheoldwoman.Hepassedthemouttotheclass,thepictureoftheyoungwomantoonesideof

theroomandthepictureoftheoldwomantotheother.Heaskedustolookatthecards,concentrateonthemforabouttensecondsandthenpassthembackin.

Hethenprojecteduponthescreenthepictureyousawcombiningboth imagesandaskedtheclasstodescribewhattheysaw.Almosteverypersoninthatclasswhohadfirstseentheyoungwoman’simageonacardsawtheyoungwomaninthepicture.Andalmosteverypersonwhohadfirstseentheoldwoman’simageonacardsawanoldwomaninthepicture.Theprofessorthenaskedonestudenttoexplainwhathesawtoastudenton

the opposite side of the room.As they talked back and forth, communicationproblemsflaredup.“What do youmean, ‘old lady’?She couldn’t bemore than 20 or 22 years

old!”“Oh,comeon.Youhavetobejoking.She’s70—couldbepushing80!”“What’s the matter with you? Are you blind? This lady is young, good

looking.I’dliketotakeherout.She’slovely.”“Lovely?She’sanoldhag.”Theargumentswentbackandforth,eachpersonsureof,andadamantin,his

or her position. All of this occurred in spite of one exceedingly importantadvantagethestudentshad—mostofthemknewearlyinthedemonstrationthatanother point of view did, in fact, exist—somethingmany of us would neveradmit.Nevertheless,at first,onlya fewstudents really tried tosee thispicturefromanotherframeofreference.Afteraperiodoffutilecommunication,onestudentwentuptothescreenand

pointed toa lineon thedrawing.“There is theyoungwoman’snecklace.”Theotheronesaid,“No, that is theoldwoman’smouth.”Gradually, theybegan tocalmly discuss specific points of difference, and finally one student, and thenanother, experienced sudden recognition when the images of both came intofocus.Throughcontinuedcalm,respectful,andspecificcommunication,eachofus in the roomwas finally able to see the other point of view. But whenwelookedawayandthenback,mostofuswouldimmediatelyseetheimagewehadbeenconditionedtoseeintheten-secondperiodoftime.I frequently use this perception demonstration in working with people and

organizations because it yields so many deep insights into both personal andinterpersonal effectiveness. It shows, first of all, how powerfully conditioningaffects our perceptions, our paradigms. If ten seconds can have that kind ofimpactonthewayweseethings,whatabouttheconditioningofalifetime?Theinfluences in our lives—family, school, church, work environment, friends,associates,andcurrentsocialparadigmssuchasthePersonalityEthic—allhavemade their silent unconscious impact on us and help shape our frame ofreference,ourparadigms,ourmaps.It also shows that these paradigms are the source of our attitudes and

behaviors. We cannot act with integrity outside of them. We simply cannotmaintain wholeness if we talk and walk differently than we see. If you wereamong the 90 percent who typically see the young woman in the compositepicturewhenconditionedtodoso,youundoubtedlyfounditdifficulttothinkinterms of having to help her cross the street. Both yourattitude about her andyourbehaviortowardherhadtobecongruentwiththewayyousawher.ThisbringsintofocusoneofthebasicflawsofthePersonalityEthic.Totryto

changeoutwardattitudesandbehaviorsdoesvery littlegoodin the longrun ifwefailtoexaminethebasicparadigmsfromwhichthoseattitudesandbehaviorsflow.This perception demonstration also shows how powerfully our paradigms

affect thewaywe interactwithotherpeople.Asclearlyandobjectivelyaswethinkwe see things,we begin to realize that others see them differently fromtheirownapparentlyequallyclearandobjectivepointofview.“Wherewestanddependsonwherewesit.”Eachofustendstothinkweseethingsastheyare,thatweareobjective.But

thisisnotthecase.Weseetheworld,notasitis,butasweare—or,asweareconditionedtoseeit.Whenweopenourmouthstodescribewhatwesee,weineffect describe ourselves, our perceptions, our paradigms.When other peopledisagreewithus,weimmediatelythinksomethingiswrongwiththem.But,asthedemonstrationshows,sincere,clearheadedpeopleseethingsdifferently,eachlookingthroughtheuniquelensofexperience.This does not mean that there are no facts. In the demonstration, two

individualswhoinitiallyhavebeeninfluencedbydifferentconditioningpictureslook at the third picture together. They are now both looking at the sameidentical facts—black lines and white spaces—and they would bothacknowledge these as facts. But each person’s interpretation of these factsrepresents prior experiences, and the facts have nomeaningwhatsoever apartfromtheinterpretation.Themoreawareweareofourbasicparadigms,maps,orassumptions,andthe

extent towhichwehavebeen influencedbyour experience, themorewe cantakeresponsibilityforthoseparadigms,examinethem,testthemagainstreality,listentoothersandbeopentotheirperceptions,therebygettingalargerpictureandafarmoreobjectiveview.

THEPOWEROFAPARADIGMSHIFTPerhaps the most important insight to be gained from the perception

demonstrationisintheareaofparadigmshifting,whatwemightcallthe“Aha!”experiencewhensomeone finally“sees” thecompositepicture inanotherway.Themore bound a person is by the initial perception, the more powerful the“Aha!”experienceis.It’sasthoughalightweresuddenlyturnedoninside.The term paradigm shift was introduced by Thomas Kuhn in his highly

influentiallandmarkbook,TheStructureofScientificRevolutions.Kuhnshowshowalmosteverysignificantbreakthroughinthefieldofscientificendeavorisfirstabreakwithtradition,witholdwaysofthinking,witholdparadigms.ForPtolemy, the greatEgyptian astronomer, the earthwas the center of the

universe.ButCopernicuscreatedaparadigmshift,andagreatdealofresistanceandpersecutionaswell,byplacing thesunat thecenter.Suddenly,everythingtookonadifferentinterpretation.TheNewtonianmodelofphysicswasa clockworkparadigmand is still the

basisofmodernengineering.Butitwaspartial,incomplete.ThescientificworldwasrevolutionizedbytheEinsteinianparadigm, therelativityparadigm,whichhadmuchhigherpredictiveandexplanatoryvalue.Until the germ theory was developed, a high percentage of women and

children died during childbirth, and no one could understandwhy. Inmilitaryskirmishes,moremenweredyingfromsmallwoundsanddiseasesthanfromthemajortraumasonthefrontlines.Butassoonasthegermtheorywasdeveloped,a whole new paradigm, a better, improved way of understanding what washappeningmadedramatic,significantmedicalimprovementpossible.The United States today is the fruit of a paradigm shift. The traditional

concept of government for centuries had been amonarchy, the divine right ofkings.Thenadifferentparadigmwasdeveloped—governmentofthepeople,bythe people, and for the people. And a constitutional democracy was born,unleashingtremendoushumanenergyandingenuity,andcreatingastandardofliving,offreedomandliberty,ofinfluenceandhopeunequaledinthehistoryoftheworld.Not all paradigmshifts are inpositivedirections.Aswehaveobserved, the

shiftfromtheCharacterEthictothePersonalityEthichasdrawnusawayfromtheveryrootsthatnourishtruesuccessandhappiness.

Butwhethertheyshiftusinpositiveornegativedirections,whethertheyareinstantaneous or developmental, paradigm shifts move us from one way ofseeing the world to another. And those shifts create powerful change. Ourparadigms, correct or incorrect, are the sourcesof our attitudes andbehaviors,andultimatelyourrelationshipswithothers.

I remember amini-paradigm shift I experienced one Sundaymorning on asubway inNewYork. Peoplewere sitting quietly—some reading newspapers,somelostinthought,somerestingwiththeireyesclosed.Itwasacalm,peacefulscene.Thensuddenly,amanandhischildrenenteredthesubwaycar.Thechildren

weresoloudandrambunctiousthatinstantlythewholeclimatechanged.Themansatdownnexttomeandclosedhiseyes,apparentlyoblivioustothe

situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, evengrabbingpeople’spapers.Itwasverydisturbing.Andyet,themansittingnexttomedidnothing.Itwas difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so

insensitiveastolethischildrenrunwildlikethatanddonothingaboutit,takingnoresponsibilityatall.Itwaseasytoseethateveryoneelseonthesubwayfeltirritated, too. So finally,withwhat I feltwas unusual patience and restraint, Iturnedtohimandsaid,“Sir,yourchildrenarereallydisturbingalotofpeople.Iwonderifyoucouldn’tcontrolthemalittlemore?”Themanliftedhisgazeas if tocometoaconsciousnessof thesituationfor

the first timeandsaidsoftly,“Oh,you’re right. Iguess I shoulddosomethingaboutit.Wejustcamefromthehospitalwheretheirmotherdiedaboutanhourago.Idon’tknowwhattothink,andIguesstheydon’tknowhowtohandleiteither.”CanyouimaginewhatIfeltatthatmoment?Myparadigmshifted.SuddenlyI

sawthingsdifferently,andbecauseIsawdifferently,Ithoughtdifferently,I feltdifferently,Ibehaveddifferently.Myirritationvanished.Ididn’thavetoworryaboutcontrollingmyattitudeormybehavior;myheartwasfilledwiththeman’spain.Feelingsofsympathyandcompassionflowedfreely.“Yourwifejustdied?Oh,I’msosorry!Canyoutellmeaboutit?WhatcanIdotohelp?”Everythingchangedinaninstant.

Many people experience a similar fundamental shift in thinking when theyfacealife-threateningcrisisandsuddenlyseetheirprioritiesinadifferentlight,

orwhen they suddenly step into a new role, such as that of husband orwife,parentorgrandparent,managerorleader.Wecouldspendweeks,months,evenyearslaboringwiththePersonalityEthic

tryingtochangeourattitudesandbehaviorsandnotevenbegintoapproachthephenomenon of change that occurs spontaneously when we see thingsdifferently.Itbecomesobvious that ifwewant tomakerelativelyminorchanges inour

lives,wecanperhapsappropriatelyfocusonourattitudesandbehaviors.Butifwewant tomake significant, quantum change,we need towork on our basicparadigms.In thewordsofThoreau,“Forevery thousandhackingat the leavesofevil,

thereisonestrikingattheroot.”Wecanonlyachievequantumimprovementsinour lives aswe quit hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior and get toworkontheroot,theparadigmsfromwhichourattitudesandbehaviorsflow.

SEEINGANDBEINGOfcourse,notallparadigmshiftsareinstantaneous.Unlikemyinstantinsight

onthesubway,theparadigm-shiftingexperienceSandraandIhadwithoursonwas a slow, difficult, and deliberate process. The approachwe had first takenwith him was the outgrowth of years of conditioning and experience in thePersonalityEthic.Itwastheresultofdeeperparadigmsweheldaboutourownsuccessasparentsaswellasthemeasureofsuccessofourchildren.Anditwasnotuntilwechangedthosebasicparadigms,untilwesawthingsdifferently,thatwewereabletocreatequantumchangeinourselvesandinthesituation.Inordertoseeoursondifferently,SandraandIhadtobedifferently.Ournew

paradigmwascreatedasweinvestedinthegrowthanddevelopmentofourowncharacter.Paradigms are inseparable from character. Being is seeing in the human

dimension.Andwhatweseeishighlyinterrelatedtowhatweare.Wecan’tgovery far to changeour seeingwithout simultaneously changingourbeing, andviceversa.Even in my apparently instantaneous paradigm-shifting experience that

morningonthesubway,mychangeofvisionwasaresultof—andlimitedby—mybasiccharacter.I’msuretherearepeoplewho,evensuddenlyunderstandingthetruesituation,

wouldhavefeltnomorethanatwingeofregretorvagueguiltastheycontinuedto sit in embarrassed silence beside the grieving, confusedman.On the otherhand, I am equally certain there are people who would have been far moresensitive in the first place, who may have recognized that a deeper problemexistedandreachedouttounderstandandhelpbeforeIdid.Paradigmsarepowerfulbecausetheycreatethelensthroughwhichweseethe

world.Thepowerofaparadigmshiftistheessentialpowerofquantumchange,whetherthatshiftisaninstantaneousoraslowanddeliberateprocess.

THEPRINCIPLE-CENTEREDPARADIGMTheCharacterEthicisbasedonthefundamentalideathatthereareprinciples

thatgovernhumaneffectiveness—naturallawsinthehumandimensionthatarejustas real, justasunchangingandunarguably“there”as lawssuchasgravityareinthephysicaldimension.Anideaofthereality—andtheimpact—oftheseprinciplescanbecapturedin

anotherparadigm-shiftingexperienceastoldbyFrankKochinProceedings,themagazineoftheNavalInstitute.

Twobattleshipsassignedtothetrainingsquadronhadbeenatseaonmaneuversinheavyweatherforseveraldays.Iwasservingontheleadbattleshipandwasonwatchonthebridgeasnightfell.Thevisibilitywas poor with patchy fog, so the captain remained on the bridgekeepinganeyeonallactivities.Shortlyafterdark, the lookouton thewingof thebridge reported,

“Light,bearingonthestarboardbow.”“Isitsteadyormovingastern?”thecaptaincalledout.Lookout replied, “Steady, captain,” which meant we were on a

dangerouscollisioncoursewiththatship.Thecaptainthencalledtothesignalman,“Signalthatship:Weare

onacollisioncourse,adviseyouchangecourse20degrees.”Back came a signal, “Advisable for you to change course 20

degrees.”Thecaptainsaid,“Send,I’macaptain,changecourse20degrees.”“I’m a seaman second class,” came the reply. “You had better

changecourse20degrees.”By that time, the captain was furious. He spat out, “Send, I’m a

battleship.Changecourse20degrees.”Backcametheflashinglight,“I’malighthouse.”Wechangedcourse.

The paradigm shift experienced by the captain—and by us as we read this

account—putsthesituationinatotallydifferentlight.Wecanseearealitythatissuperceded by his limited perception—a reality that is as critical for us to

understandinourdailylivesasitwasforthecaptaininthefog.Principlesare like lighthouses.Theyarenatural laws thatcannotbebroken.

As Cecil B. deMille observed of the principles contained in his monumentalmovie,TheTenCommandments,“Itisimpossibleforustobreakthelaw.Wecanonlybreakourselvesagainstthelaw.”While individuals may look at their own lives and interactions in terms of

paradigms or maps emerging out of their experience and conditioning, thesemaps are not the territory. They are a “subjective reality,” only an attempt todescribetheterritory.The “objective reality,” or the territory itself, is composed of “lighthouse”

principles that govern human growth and happiness—natural laws that arewovenintothefabricofeverycivilizedsocietythroughouthistoryandcomprisethe roots of every family and institution that has endured and prospered. Thedegreetowhichourmentalmapsaccuratelydescribetheterritorydoesnotalteritsexistence.Therealityofsuchprinciplesornaturallawsbecomesobvioustoanyonewho

thinksdeeplyandexaminesthecyclesofsocialhistory.Theseprinciplessurfacetimeandtimeagain,andthedegreetowhichpeopleinasocietyrecognizeandlive in harmonywith themmoves them toward either survival and stability ordisintegrationanddestruction.The principles I am referring to are not esoteric,mysterious, or “religious”

ideas.Thereisnotoneprincipletaughtinthisbookthatisuniquetoanyspecificfaith or religion, includingmyown.These principles are a part ofmost everymajor enduring religion, as well as enduring social philosophies and ethicalsystems.Theyareself-evidentandcaneasilybevalidatedbyanyindividual.It’salmostasiftheseprinciplesornaturallawsarepartofthehumancondition,partofthehumanconsciousness,partofthehumanconscience.Theyseemtoexistinall human beings, regardless of social conditioning and loyalty to them, eventhoughtheymightbesubmergedornumbedbysuchconditionsordisloyalty.I am referring, for example, to the principle of fairness, out of which our

wholeconceptofequityandjusticeisdeveloped.Littlechildrenseemtohaveaninnate sense of the idea of fairness even apart from opposite conditioningexperiences.Therearevastdifferencesinhowfairnessisdefinedandachieved,butthereisalmostuniversalawarenessoftheidea.Other examples would include integrity and honesty. They create the

foundationoftrustwhichisessentialtocooperationandlong-termpersonalandinterpersonalgrowth.Another principle ishuman dignity. The basic concept in theUnited States

Declaration of Independence bespeaks this value or principle. “We hold these

truths to be self-evident: that allmen are created equal and endowed by theirCreatorwithcertaininalienablerights,thatamongthesearelife,libertyandthepursuitofhappiness.”Anotherprincipleisservice,ortheideaofmakingacontribution.Anotheris

qualityorexcellence.There is the principle ofpotential, the idea thatwe are embryonic and can

growanddevelopandreleasemoreandmorepotential,developmoreandmoretalents. Highly related to potential is the principle of growth—the process ofreleasing potential and developing talents, with the accompanying need forprinciplessuchaspatience,nurturance,andencouragement.Principles are not practices. A practice is a specific activity or action. A

practicethatworksinonecircumstancewillnotnecessarilyworkinanother,asparentswhohavetriedtoraiseasecondchildexactlyliketheydidthefirstcanreadilyattest.While practices are situationally specific, principles are deep, fundamental

truthsthathaveuniversalapplication.Theyapplytoindividuals,tomarriages,tofamilies,toprivateandpublicorganizationsofeverykind.Whenthesetruthsareinternalized into habits, they empower people to create a wide variety ofpracticestodealwithdifferentsituations.Principlesarenotvalues.Agangofthievescansharevalues,buttheyarein

violation of the fundamental principleswe’re talking about. Principles are theterritory.Valuesaremaps.Whenwevaluecorrectprinciples,wehavetruth—aknowledgeofthingsastheyare.Principlesareguidelinesforhumanconductthatareproventohaveenduring,

permanentvalue.They’re fundamental.They’reessentiallyunarguablebecausethey are self-evident. One way to quickly grasp the self-evident nature ofprinciples is tosimplyconsider theabsurdityofattempting to liveaneffectivelife based on their opposites. I doubt that anyone would seriously considerunfairness, deceit, baseness, uselessness, mediocrity, or degeneration to be asolidfoundationforlastinghappinessandsuccess.Althoughpeoplemayargueabouthowtheseprinciplesaredefinedormanifestedorachieved,thereseemstobeaninnateconsciousnessandawarenessthattheyexist.Themorecloselyourmapsorparadigmsarealignedwiththeseprinciplesor

natural laws, themoreaccurate and functional theywill be.Correctmapswillinfinitelyimpactourpersonalandinterpersonaleffectivenessfarmorethananyamountofeffortexpendedonchangingourattitudesandbehaviors.

PRINCIPLESOFGROWTHANDCHANGETheglitterof thePersonalityEthic, themassiveappeal, is that thereissome

quickandeasywaytoachievequalityof life—personaleffectivenessandrich,deeprelationshipswithotherpeople—withoutgoingthroughthenaturalprocessofworkandgrowththatmakesitpossible.It’s symbol without substance. It’s the “get rich quick” scheme promising

“wealthwithoutwork.”Anditmightevenappeartosucceed—buttheschemerremains.ThePersonalityEthicisillusoryanddeceptive.Andtryingtogethighquality

resultswithitstechniquesandquickfixesisjustaboutaseffectiveastryingtogettosomeplaceinChicagousingamapofDetroit.InthewordsofErichFromm,anastuteobserveroftherootsandfruitsofthe

PersonalityEthic:

Today we come across an individual who behaves like anautomaton, who does not know or understand himself, and the onlyperson that heknows is theperson that he is supposed tobe,whosemeaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech, whosesyntheticsmilehasreplacedgenuinelaughter,andwhosesenseofdulldespair has taken the place of genuine pain.Two statementsmaybesaidconcerningthisindividual.Oneisthathesuffersfromdefectsofspontaneityandindividualitywhichmayseemtobeincurable.Atthesametimeitmaybesaidofhimhedoesnotdifferessentiallyfromthemillionsoftherestofuswhowalkuponthisearth.

Inalloflife, therearesequentialstagesofgrowthanddevelopment.Achild

learns to turnover, to sit up, to crawl, and then towalk and run.Each step isimportantandeachonetakestime.Nostepcanbeskipped.This is true in all phases of life, in all areas of development,whether it be

learningtoplaythepianoorcommunicateeffectivelywithaworkingassociate.Itistruewithindividuals,withmarriages,withfamilies,andwithorganizations.Weknowandaccept this factorprincipleofprocess in theareaofphysical

things,but tounderstandit inemotionalareas, inhumanrelations,andevenintheareaofpersonalcharacterislesscommonandmoredifficult.Andevenifwe

understandit,toacceptitandtoliveinharmonywithitareevenlesscommonandmoredifficult.Consequently,wesometimeslookforashortcut,expectingtobeabletoskipsomeofthesevitalstepsinordertosavetimeandeffortandstillreapthedesiredresult.Butwhathappenswhenweattempttoshortcutanaturalprocessinourgrowth

anddevelopment?Ifyouareonlyanaveragetennisplayerbutdecidetoplayatahigher level in order to make a better impression, what will result? Wouldpositivethinkingaloneenableyoutocompeteeffectivelyagainstaprofessional?Whatifyouweretoleadyourfriendstobelieveyoucouldplaythepianoat

concerthalllevelwhileyouractualpresentskillwasthatofabeginner?Theanswersareobvious.Itissimplyimpossibletoviolate,ignore,orshortcut

thisdevelopmentprocess.Itiscontrarytonature,andattemptingtoseeksuchashortcutonlyresultsindisappointmentandfrustration.Onaten-pointscale, ifIamatleveltwoinanyfield,anddesiretomoveto

levelfive,Imustfirsttakethesteptowardlevelthree.“Athousand-milejourneybeginswiththefirststep”andcanonlybetakenonestepatatime.Ifyoudon’tletateacherknowatwhatlevelyouare—byaskingaquestion,or

revealingyour ignorance—youwill not learn or grow.You cannot pretend forlong,foryouwilleventuallybefoundout.Admissionofignoranceisoftenthefirst step in our education. Thoreau taught, “How can we remember ourignorance,whichourgrowthrequires,whenweareusingourknowledgeallthetime?”Irecalloneoccasionwhentwoyoungwomen,daughtersofafriendofmine,

came to me tearfully, complaining about their father’s harshness and lack ofunderstanding. Theywere afraid to open upwith their parents for fear of theconsequences. And yet they desperately needed their parents’ love,understanding,andguidance.Italkedwiththefatherandfoundthathewasintellectuallyawareofwhatwas

happening.Butwhileheadmittedhehada temperproblem,herefusedto takeresponsibility for it and to honestly accept the fact that his emotionaldevelopmentlevelwaslow.Itwasmorethanhispridecouldswallowtotakethefirststeptowardchange.To relate effectively with a wife, a husband, children, friends, or working

associates, we must learn to listen. And this requires emotional strength.Listening involves patience, openness, and the desire to understand—highlydeveloped qualities of character. It’s so much easier to operate from a lowemotionallevelandtogivehigh-leveladvice.Ourlevelofdevelopmentisfairlyobviouswithtennisorpianoplaying,where

itisimpossibletopretend.Butitisnotsoobviousintheareasofcharacterand

emotional development. We can “pose” and “put on” for a stranger or anassociate.We can pretend.And for awhilewe can get bywith it—at least inpublic.Wemightevendeceiveourselves.YetIbelievethatmostofusknowthetruthofwhatwereallyare inside;andI thinkmanyof thosewe livewithandworkwithdoaswell.Ihaveseentheconsequencesofattemptingtoshortcutthisnaturalprocessof

growth often in the businessworld,where executives attempt to “buy” a newculture of improved productivity, quality, morale, and customer service withstrongspeeches,smile training,andexternal interventions,or throughmergers,acquisitions,andfriendlyorunfriendlytakeovers.Buttheyignorethelow-trustclimateproducedbysuchmanipulations.Whenthesemethodsdon’twork,theylookforotherPersonalityEthictechniquesthatwill—all thetimeignoringandviolating the natural principles and processes onwhich a high-trust culture isbased.I rememberviolating this principlemyself as a fathermanyyears ago.One

dayIreturnedhometomylittlegirl’sthird-yearbirthdaypartytofindherinthecornerofthefrontroom,defiantlyclutchingallofherpresents,unwillingtolettheotherchildrenplaywiththem.ThefirstthingInoticedwasseveralparentsinthe room witnessing this selfish display. I was embarrassed, and doubly sobecauseatthetimeIwasteachinguniversityclassesinhumanrelations.AndIknew,oratleastfelt,theexpectationoftheseparents.Theatmosphereintheroomwasreallycharged—thechildrenwerecrowding

aroundmylittledaughterwiththeirhandsout,askingtoplaywiththepresentstheyhadjustgiven,andmydaughterwasadamantlyrefusing.Isaidtomyself,“CertainlyIshould teachmydaughter toshare.Thevalueofsharing isoneofthemostbasicthingswebelievein.”So I first tried a simple request. “Honey,would youplease sharewith your

friendsthetoysthey’vegivenyou?”“No,”sherepliedflatly.Mysecondmethodwastousealittlereasoning.“Honey,ifyoulearntoshare

your toyswith themwhen they are at your home, thenwhen you go to theirhomestheywillsharetheirtoyswithyou.”Again,theimmediatereplywas“No!”Iwasbecomingalittlemoreembarrassed,foritwasevidentIwashavingno

influence.Thethirdmethodwasbribery.VerysoftlyIsaid,“Honey,ifyoushare,I’vegotaspecialsurpriseforyou.I’llgiveyouapieceofgum.”“Idon’twantgum!”sheexploded.Now Iwasbecoming exasperated.Formy fourth attempt, I resorted to fear

andthreat.“Unlessyoushare,youwillbeinrealtrouble!”

“Idon’tcare!”shecried.“Thesearemythings.Idon’thavetoshare!”Finally,Iresortedtoforce.Imerelytooksomeofthetoysandgavethemto

theotherkids.“Here,kids,playwiththese.”Perhapsmy daughter needed the experience of possessing the things before

shecouldgivethem.(Infact,unlessIpossesssomething,canIeverreallygiveit?)Sheneededmeasherfathertohaveahigherlevelofemotionalmaturitytogiveherthatexperience.Butat thatmoment,Ivaluedtheopinionthoseparentshadofmemorethan

thegrowthanddevelopmentofmychildandourrelationshiptogether.IsimplymadeaninitialjudgmentthatIwasright;sheshouldshare,andshewaswronginnotdoingso.PerhapsIsuperimposedahigher-levelexpectationonhersimplybecauseon

myownscaleIwasatalowerlevel.Iwasunableorunwillingtogivepatienceorunderstanding,soIexpectedhertogivethings.Inanattempttocompensatefor my deficiency, I borrowed strength from my position and authority andforcedhertodowhatIwantedhertodo.Butborrowingstrengthbuildsweakness. Itbuildsweakness in theborrower

becauseitreinforcesdependenceonexternalfactorstogetthingsdone.Itbuildsweakness in the person forced to acquiesce, stunting the development ofindependent reasoning, growth, and internal discipline. And finally, it buildsweakness in the relationship. Fear replaces cooperation, and both peopleinvolvedbecomemorearbitraryanddefensive.Andwhathappenswhenthesourceofborrowedstrength—beitsuperiorsize

orphysicalstrength,position,authority,credentials,statussymbols,appearance,orpastachievements—changesorisnolongerthere?HadIbeenmoremature,Icouldhavereliedonmyownintrinsicstrength—

myunderstandingofsharingandofgrowthandmycapacitytoloveandnurture—andallowedmydaughtertomakeafreechoiceastowhethershewantedtoshareornot toshare.Perhapsafterattemptingtoreasonwithher,Icouldhaveturned the attention of the children to an interesting game, taking all thatemotionalpressureoffmychild.I’velearnedthatoncechildrengainasenseofrealpossession,theyshareverynaturally,freely,andspontaneously.Myexperiencehasbeenthat therearetimestoteachandtimesnot toteach.

Whenrelationshipsarestrainedandtheairchargedwithemotion,anattempttoteach is often perceived as a form of judgment and rejection. But to take thechildalone,quietly,whentherelationshipisgoodandtodiscusstheteachingorthe value seems to have much greater impact. It may have been that theemotional maturity to do that was beyond my level of patience and internalcontrolatthetime.

Perhaps a sense of possessing needs to come before a sense of genuinesharing.Manypeoplewhogivemechanicallyorrefusetogiveandshareintheirmarriages and familiesmay never have experiencedwhat itmeans to possessthemselves, their own sense of identity and self-worth. Really helping ourchildren grow may involve being patient enough to allow them the sense ofpossessionaswellasbeingwiseenoughtoteachthemthevalueofgivingandprovidingtheexampleourselves.

THEWAYWESEETHEPROBLEMISTHEPROBLEMPeople are intrigued when they see good things happening in the lives of

individuals,families,andorganizationsthatarebasedonsolidprinciples.Theyadmire such personal strength andmaturity, such family unity and teamwork,suchadaptivesynergisticorganizationalculture.Andtheirimmediaterequestisveryrevealingoftheirbasicparadigm.“How

doyoudoit?Teachmethetechniques.”Whatthey’rereallysayingis,“Givemesomequickfixadviceorsolutionthatwillrelievethepaininmyownsituation.”Theywill findpeoplewhowillmeet theirwantsandteachthesethings;and

forashorttime,skillsandtechniquesmayappeartowork.Theymayeliminatesomeofthecosmeticoracuteproblemsthroughsocialaspirinandband-aids.But the underlying chronic condition remains, and eventually new acute

symptomswillappear.Themorepeopleareintoquickfixandfocusontheacuteproblems and pain, themore that very approach contributes to the underlyingchroniccondition.Thewayweseetheproblemistheproblem.Look again at some of the concerns that introduced this chapter, and at the

impactofPersonalityEthicthinking.

I’ve takencourseaftercourseoneffectivemanagement training. Iexpecta lotout ofmy employees and Iwork hard to be friendly toward themand to treatthemright.ButIdon’tfeelanyloyaltyfromthem.IthinkifIwerehomesickforaday,they’dspendmostoftheirtimegabbingatthewaterfountain.Whycan’tItrainthemtobeindependentandresponsible—orfindemployeeswhocanbe?

ThePersonalityEthic tellsme I could take somekind of dramatic action—shakethingsup,makeheadsroll—thatwouldmakemyemployeesshapeupandappreciate what they have. Or that I could find some motivational trainingprogramthatwouldget themcommitted.OreventhatIcouldhirenewpeoplethatwoulddoabetterjob.Butisitpossiblethatunderthatapparentlydisloyalbehavior,theseemployees

questionwhetherIreallyactintheirbestinterest?DotheyfeellikeI’mtreating

themasmechanicalobjects?Istheresometruthtothat?Deepinside,isthatreallythewayIseethem?IsthereachancethewayIlook

atthepeoplewhoworkformeispartoftheproblem?

There’s so much to do. And there’s never enough time. I feelpressured and hassled all day, every day, seven days a week. I’veattended time management seminars and I’ve tried half a dozendifferentplanningsystems.They’vehelpedsome,but I stilldon’t feelI’mlivingthehappy,productive,peacefullifeIwanttolive.

The Personality Ethic tellsme theremust be something out there—some newplanner or seminar that will help me handle all these pressures in a moreefficientway.

Butisthereachancethatefficiencyisnottheanswer?Isgettingmorethingsdoneinlesstimegoingtomakeadifference—orwillitjustincreasethepaceatwhichIreacttothepeopleandcircumstancesthatseemtocontrolmylife?CouldtherebesomethingIneedtoseeinadeeper,morefundamentalway—

someparadigmwithinmyselfthataffectsthewayIseemytime,mylife,andmyownnature?

Mymarriagehasgoneflat.Wedon’tfightoranything;wejustdon’tloveeachotheranymore.We’vegonetocounseling;we’vetriedanumberofthings,butwejustcan’tseemtorekindlethefeelingweusedtohave.

ThePersonalityEthictellsmetheremustbesomenewbookorsomeseminarwherepeoplegetall their feelingsout thatwouldhelpmywifeunderstandmebetter.Ormaybe that it’suseless,andonlyanewrelationshipwillprovide theloveIneed.But is it possible that my spouse isn’t the real problem? Could I be

empoweringmyspouse’sweaknessesandmakingmylifeafunctionofthewayI’mtreated?DoIhavesomebasicparadigmaboutmyspouse,aboutmarriage,aboutwhat

lovereallyis,thatisfeedingtheproblem?

CanyouseehowfundamentallytheparadigmsofthePersonalityEthicaffecttheverywayweseeourproblemsaswellasthewayweattempttosolvethem?Whetherpeopleseeitornot,manyarebecomingdisillusionedwiththeempty

promisesofthePersonalityEthic.AsItravelaroundthecountryandworkwithorganizations,Ifindthatlong-termthinkingexecutivesaresimplyturnedoffbypsych up psychology and “motivational” speakers who have nothing more tosharethanentertainingstoriesmingledwithplatitudes.Theywant substance; theywant process. Theywantmore than aspirin and

band-aids.Theywanttosolvethechronicunderlyingproblemsandfocusontheprinciplesthatbringlong-termresults.

ANEWLEVELOFTHINKINGAlbertEinsteinobserved,“Thesignificantproblemswefacecannotbesolved

atthesamelevelofthinkingwewereatwhenwecreatedthem.”Aswelookaroundusandwithinusandrecognizetheproblemscreatedaswe

liveandinteractwithinthePersonalityEthic,webegintorealizethatthesearedeep, fundamental problems that cannot be solved on the superficial level onwhichtheywerecreated.We need a new level, a deeper level of thinking—a paradigmbased on the

principles that accurately describe the territory of effective human being andinteracting—tosolvethesedeepconcerns.ThisnewlevelofthinkingiswhatSevenHabitsofHighlyEffectivePeopleis

about. It’s a principle-centered, character-based, “inside-out” approach topersonalandinterpersonaleffectiveness.“Inside-out”means to start firstwith self; evenmore fundamentally, to start

withthemostinsidepartofself—withyourparadigms,yourcharacter,andyourmotives.It says if you want to have a happy marriage, be the kind of person who

generatespositiveenergyandsidestepsnegativeenergyratherthanempoweringit. If you want to have a more pleasant, cooperative teenager, be a moreunderstanding, empathic, consistent, loving parent. If you want to havemorefreedom,more latitude in your job, be a more responsible, a more helpful, amore contributing employee. If youwant to be trusted,be trustworthy. If youwant the secondary greatness of recognized talent, focus first on primarygreatnessofcharacter.The inside-out approach says that private victories precede public victories,

thatmaking and keeping promises to ourselves precedesmaking and keepingpromisestoothers.Itsaysitisfutiletoputpersonalityaheadofcharacter,totrytoimproverelationshipswithothersbeforeimprovingourselves.Inside-outisaprocess—acontinuingprocessofrenewalbasedonthenatural

laws that govern human growth and progress. It’s an upward spiral of growththat leads to progressively higher forms of responsible independence andeffectiveinterdependence.I have had the opportunity to work with many people—wonderful people,

talented people, people who deeply want to achieve happiness and success,

peoplewho are searching, peoplewho are hurting. I’veworkedwith businessexecutives, college students, church and civic groups, families and marriagepartners. And in all of my experience, I have never seen lasting solutions toproblems,lastinghappinessandsuccess,thatcamefromtheoutsidein.WhatIhaveseenresultfromtheoutside-inparadigmisunhappypeoplewho

feelvictimizedandimmobilized,whofocusontheweaknessesofotherpeopleandthecircumstancestheyfeelareresponsiblefortheirownstagnantsituation.I’ve seen unhappy marriages where each spouse wants the other to change,whereeachisconfessingtheother’s“sins,”whereeachistryingtoshapeuptheother. I’ve seen labor management disputes where people spend tremendousamountsoftimeandenergytryingtocreatelegislationthatwouldforcepeopletoactasthoughthefoundationoftrustwerereallythere.Membersofour familyhave lived in threeof the“hottest”spotsonearth—

South Africa, Israel, and Ireland—and I believe the source of the continuingproblems in each of these places has been the dominant social paradigm ofoutside-in.Each involvedgroup isconvinced theproblemis“out there”and if“they”(meaningothers)would“shapeup”orsuddenly“shipout”ofexistence,theproblemwouldbesolved.Inside-outisadramaticparadigmshiftformostpeople,largelybecauseofthe

powerful impact of conditioning and the current social paradigm of thePersonalityEthic.Butfrommyownexperience—bothpersonalandinworkingwiththousands

of other people—and from careful examination of successful individuals andsocieties throughout history, I am persuaded that many of the principlesembodiedintheSevenHabitsarealreadydeepwithinus,inourconscienceandourcommonsense.Torecognizeanddevelopthemandtousetheminmeetingourdeepest concerns,weneed to thinkdifferently, to shift ourparadigms to anew,deeper,“inside-out”level.As we sincerely seek to understand and integrate these principles into our

lives,Iamconvincedwewilldiscoverandrediscover the truthofT.S.Eliot’sobservation:

We must not cease from exploration and the end of all ourexploringwillbetoarrivewherewebeganandtoknowtheplaceforthefirsttime.

THESEVENHABITS—ANOVERVIEW

Wearewhatwerepeatedlydo.Excellence,then,isnotanact,butahabit.

ARISTOTLE

Ourcharacter,basically,isacompositeofourhabits.“Sowathought,reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap acharacter;sowacharacter,reapadestiny,”themaximgoes.

Habitsarepowerfulfactorsinourlives.Becausetheyareconsistent,often unconscious patterns, they constantly, daily, express ourcharacterandproduceoureffectiveness…orineffectiveness.

AsHoraceMann, thegreat educator, once said, “Habits are like acable.Weweaveastrandofiteverydayandsoonitcannotbebroken.”Ipersonallydonotagreewith the lastpartofhisexpression. Iknowthey canbebroken.Habits canbe learned andunlearned.But I alsoknow it isn’t a quick fix. It involves a process and a tremendouscommitment.

Those of us who watched the lunar voyage of Apollo 11 weretransfixed as we saw the firstmenwalk on themoon and return toearth. Superlatives such as “fantastic” and “incredible” wereinadequate to describe those eventful days. But to get there, those

astronautsliterallyhadtobreakoutofthetremendousgravitypulloftheearth.Moreenergywasspentinthefirstfewminutesoflift-off,inthefirstfewmilesoftravel,thanwasusedoverthenextseveraldaystotravelhalfamillionmiles.

Habits, too,havetremendousgravitypull—morethanmostpeoplerealizeorwouldadmit.Breakingdeeplyimbeddedhabitualtendenciessuch as procrastination, impatience, criticalness, or selfishness thatviolate basic principles of human effectiveness involvesmore than alittlewillpowerandafewminorchangesinourlives.“Liftoff”takesatremendous effort, but once we break out of the gravity pull, ourfreedomtakesonawholenewdimension.

Likeanynaturalforce,gravitypullcanworkwithusoragainstus.The gravity pull of some of our habitsmay currently be keeping usfromgoingwherewewanttogo.Butitisalsogravitypullthatkeepsour world together, that keeps the planets in their orbits and ouruniverseinorder.Itisapowerfulforce,andifweuseiteffectively,wecanuse thegravitypullofhabit tocreate thecohesivenessandordernecessarytoestablisheffectivenessinourlives.

“HABITS”DEFINEDForourpurposes,wewilldefineahabitastheintersectionofknowledge,skill,

anddesire.Knowledgeisthetheoreticalparadigm,thewhattodoandthewhy.Skillisthe

how to do. And desire is the motivation, the want to do. In order to makesomethingahabitinourlives,wehavetohaveallthree.Imaybeineffectiveinmyinteractionswithmyworkassociates,myspouse,

ormy children because I constantly tell themwhat I think, but I never reallylistentothem.UnlessIsearchoutcorrectprinciplesofhumaninteraction,ImaynotevenknowIneedtolisten.EvenifIdoknowthatinordertointeracteffectivelywithothersIreallyneed

tolistentothem,Imaynothavetheskill.Imaynotknowhow toreallylistendeeplytoanotherhumanbeing.ButknowingIneedtolistenandknowinghowtolistenisnotenough.Unless

Iwanttolisten,unlessIhavethedesire,itwon’tbeahabitinmylife.Creatingahabitrequiresworkinallthreedimensions.Thebeing/seeingchangeisanupwardprocess—beingchangingseeing,which

inturnchangesbeing,andsoforth,aswemoveinanupwardspiralofgrowth.Byworkingonknowledge,skill,anddesire,wecanbreakthroughtonewlevelsofpersonalandinterpersonaleffectivenessaswebreakwitholdparadigmsthatmayhavebeenasourceofpseudo-securityforyears.It’ssometimesapainfulprocess. It’sachange thathas tobemotivatedbya

higherpurpose,bythewillingnesstosubordinatewhatyouthinkyouwantnowforwhat youwant later.But this process produces happiness, “the object anddesignofourexistence.”Happinesscanbedefined,inpartatleast,asthefruitofthe desire and ability to sacrifice what we want now for what we wanteventually.

EFFECTIVEHABITSInternalizedprinciplesandpatternsofbehavior

THEMATURITYCONTINUUMTheSevenHabitsarenotasetofseparateorpiecemealpsych-upformulas.In

harmony with the natural laws of growth, they provide an incremental,sequential, highly integrated approach to the development of personal andinterpersonal effectiveness. They move us progressively on a MaturityContinuumfromdependencetoindependencetointerdependence.Weeachbeginlifeasaninfant,totallydependentonothers.Wearedirected,

nurtured,andsustainedbyothers.Withoutthisnurturing,wewouldonlyliveforafewhoursorafewdaysatthemost.Then gradually, over the ensuing months and years, we become more and

more independent—physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially—untileventually we can essentially take care of ourselves, becoming inner-directedandself-reliant.Aswecontinuetogrowandmature,webecomeincreasinglyawarethatallof

natureisinterdependent, that thereisanecologicalsystemthatgovernsnature,includingsociety.Wefurtherdiscoverthatthehigherreachesofournaturehavetodowithourrelationshipswithothers—thathumanlifealsoisinterdependent.Ourgrowthfrominfancytoadulthoodisinaccordancewithnaturallaw.And

there aremanydimensions togrowth.Reachingour full physicalmaturity, forexample, does not necessarily assure us of simultaneous emotional or mentalmaturity.Ontheotherhand,aperson’sphysicaldependencedoesnotmeanthatheorsheismentallyoremotionallyimmature.Onthematuritycontinuum,dependenceistheparadigmofyou—youtakecare

ofme;youcomethroughforme;youdidn’tcomethrough;Iblameyoufortheresults.Independence is theparadigmof I—Icando it; Iamresponsible; I am self-

reliant;Icanchoose.Interdependence is theparadigmofwe—wecando it;we cancooperate;we

cancombineourtalentsandabilitiesandcreatesomethinggreatertogether.Dependentpeopleneedotherstogetwhattheywant.Independentpeoplecan

get what they want through their own effort. Interdependent people combinetheirowneffortswiththeeffortsofotherstoachievetheirgreatestsuccess.If I were physically dependent—paralyzed or disabled or limited in some

physicalway—Iwouldneedyou tohelpme. If Iwereemotionallydependent,

my sense ofworth and securitywould come fromyour opinion ofme. If youdidn’tlikeme,itcouldbedevastating.IfIwereintellectuallydependent,Iwouldcountonyoutodomythinkingforme,tothinkthroughtheissuesandproblemsofmylife.If I were independent, physically, I could pretty well make it on my own.

Mentally, I could think my own thoughts, I could move from one level ofabstractiontoanother.Icouldthinkcreativelyandanalyticallyandorganizeandexpressmythoughtsinunderstandableways.Emotionally,Iwouldbevalidatedfrom within. I would be inner directed. My sense of worth would not be afunctionofbeinglikedortreatedwell.It’s easy to see that independence is much more mature than dependence.

Independence isamajorachievement inandof itself.But independence isnotsupreme.Nevertheless, the current social paradigm enthrones independence. It is the

avowed goal of many individuals and social movements. Most of the self-improvement material puts independence on a pedestal, as thoughcommunication,teamwork,andcooperationwerelesservalues.But much of our current emphasis on independence is a reaction to

dependence—tohavingotherscontrolus,defineus,useus,andmanipulateus.Thelittleunderstoodconceptofinterdependenceappearstomanytosmackof

dependence, and therefore, we find people, often for selfish reasons, leavingtheir marriages, abandoning their children, and forsaking all kinds of socialresponsibility—allinthenameofindependence.The kind of reaction that results in people “throwing off their shackles,”

becoming“liberated,”“assertingthemselves,”and“doingtheirownthing”oftenrevealsmore fundamentaldependencies thatcannotbe runawayfrombecausethey are internal rather than external—dependencies such as letting theweaknesses of other people ruin our emotional lives or feeling victimized bypeopleandeventsoutofourcontrol.Of course, wemay need to change our circumstances. But the dependence

problem is a personal maturity issue that has little to do with circumstances.Evenwithbettercircumstances,immaturityanddependenceoftenpersist.Trueindependenceofcharacterempowersustoactratherthanbeactedupon.

It frees us from our dependence on circumstances and other people and is aworthy,liberatinggoal.Butitisnottheultimategoalineffectiveliving.Independentthinkingaloneisnotsuitedtointerdependentreality.Independent

peoplewhodonothave thematurity to thinkandact interdependentlymaybegood individual producers, but they won’t be good leaders or team players.They’renotcomingfromtheparadigmofinterdependencenecessarytosucceed

inmarriage,family,ororganizationalreality.Life is, by nature, highly interdependent. To try to achieve maximum

effectivenessthroughindependenceisliketryingtoplaytenniswithagolfclub—thetoolisnotsuitedtothereality.Interdependence is a far more mature, more advanced concept. If I am

physically interdependent, I am self-reliant and capable, but I also realize thatyou and Iworking together can accomplish farmore than, even atmy best, Icould accomplish alone. If I am emotionally interdependent, I derive a greatsenseofworthwithinmyself,butIalsorecognizetheneedforlove,forgiving,andforreceivinglovefromothers.IfIamintellectuallyinterdependent,IrealizethatIneedthebestthinkingofotherpeopletojoinwithmyown.Asan interdependentperson, Ihave theopportunity to sharemyselfdeeply,

meaningfully,withothers,andIhaveaccesstothevastresourcesandpotentialofotherhumanbeings.Interdependence is a choice only independent people canmake. Dependent

peoplecannotchoosetobecomeinterdependent.Theydon’thavethecharactertodoit;theydon’townenoughofthemselves.That’swhyHabits1,2,and3inthefollowingchaptersdealwithself-mastery.

Theymove a person fromdependence to independence.They are the “PrivateVictories,” the essence of character growth. Private victories precede publicvictories. You can’t invert that process anymore than you can harvest a cropbeforeyouplantit.It’sinside-out.As you become truly independent, you have the foundation for effective

interdependence.You have the character base fromwhich you can effectivelywork on the more personality-oriented “Public Victories” of teamwork,cooperation,andcommunicationinHabits4,5,and6.That does not mean you have to be perfect in Habits 1, 2, and 3 before

working on Habits 4, 5, and 6. Understanding the sequence will help youmanage your growth more effectively, but I’m not suggesting that you putyourselfinisolationforseveralyearsuntilyoufullydevelopHabits1,2,and3.Aspartofaninterdependentworld,youhavetorelatetothatworldeveryday.

But the acute problems of thatworld can easily obscure the chronic charactercauses. Understanding how what you are impacts every interdependentinteractionwillhelpyoutofocusyoureffortssequentially,inharmonywiththenaturallawsofgrowth.Habit7isthehabitofrenewal—aregular,balancedrenewalofthefourbasic

dimensionsoflife.Itcirclesandembodiesalltheotherhabits.Itisthehabitofcontinuousimprovementthatcreatestheupwardspiralofgrowththatliftsyoutonewlevelsofunderstandingandlivingeachofthehabitsasyoucomearoundto

themonaprogressivelyhigherplane.*Thediagramonthenextpage isavisual representationof thesequenceand

theinterdependenceoftheSevenHabits,andwillbeusedthroughoutthisbookasweexploreboththesequentialrelationshipbetweenthehabitsandalsotheirsynergy—how, in relating to each other, they create bold new forms of eachotherthataddevenmoretotheirvalue.Eachconceptorhabitwillbehighlightedasitisintroduced.

EFFECTIVENESSDEFINEDThe Seven Habits are habits of effectiveness. Because they are based on

principles, theybringthemaximumlong-termbeneficial resultspossible.Theybecome the basis of a person’s character, creating an empowering center ofcorrectmapsfromwhichanindividualcaneffectivelysolveproblems,maximizeopportunities,andcontinuallylearnandintegrateotherprinciplesinanupwardspiralofgrowth.Theyarealsohabitsofeffectivenessbecausetheyarebasedonaparadigmof

effectivenessthatisinharmonywithanaturallaw,aprincipleIcallthe“P/PCBalance,”whichmany people break themselves against. This principle can beeasily understood by rememberingAesop’s fable of the goose and the goldenegg.Thisfableisthestoryofapoorfarmerwhoonedaydiscoversinthenestof

hispetgooseaglitteringgoldenegg.Atfirst,hethinksitmustbesomekindoftrick.Butashestartstothrowtheeggaside,hehassecondthoughtsandtakesitintobeappraisedinstead.Theeggispuregold!Thefarmercan’tbelievehisgoodfortune.Hebecomes

evenmoreincredulousthefollowingdaywhentheexperienceisrepeated.Dayafter day, he awakens to rush to the nest and find another golden egg. Hebecomesfabulouslywealthy;itallseemstoogoodtobetrue.

THESEVENHABITSPARADIGM

Butwithhis increasingwealth comesgreed and impatience.Unable towait

dayafterdayforthegoldeneggs,thefarmerdecideshewillkillthegooseandgetthemallatonce.Butwhenheopensthegoose,hefindsitempty.Thereareno golden eggs—and now there is no way to get any more. The farmer hasdestroyedthegoosethatproducedthem.I suggest that within this fable is a natural law, a principle—the basic

definition of effectiveness.Most people see effectiveness from the golden eggparadigm:themoreyouproduce,themoreyoudo,themoreeffectiveyouare.Butasthestoryshows,trueeffectivenessisafunctionoftwothings:whatis

produced(thegoldeneggs)andtheproducingassetorcapacitytoproduce(thegoose).If you adopt a pattern of life that focuses on golden eggs and neglects the

goose, you will soon be without the asset that produces golden eggs. On theother hand, if youonly take care of the goosewith no aim toward the goldeneggs,yousoonwon’thavethewherewithaltofeedyourselforthegoose.

Effectivenessliesinthebalance—whatIcalltheP/PCBalance.P standsforproduction of desired results, the golden eggs. PC stands for productioncapability,theabilityorassetthatproducesthegoldeneggs.

THREEKINDSOFASSETSBasically,therearethreekindsofassets:physical,financial,andhuman.Let’s

lookateachoneinturn.Afewyearsago,Ipurchasedaphysicalasset—apowerlawnmower.Iusedit

overandoveragainwithoutdoinganythingtomaintain it.Themowerworkedwellfortwoseasons,butthenitbegantobreakdown.WhenItriedtoreviveitwith service and sharpening, I discovered the engine had lost over half itsoriginalpowercapacity.Itwasessentiallyworthless.HadIinvestedinPC—inpreservingandmaintainingtheasset—Iwouldstill

beenjoyingitsP—themowedlawn.Asitwas,IhadtospendfarmoretimeandmoneyreplacingthemowerthanIeverwouldhavespent,hadImaintainedit.Itsimplywasn’teffective.Inourquestforshort-termreturns,orresults,weoftenruinaprizedphysical

asset—acar,acomputer,awasherordryer,evenourbodyorourenvironment.KeepingPandPCinbalancemakesatremendousdifferenceintheeffectiveuseofphysicalassets.Italsopowerfullyimpactstheeffectiveuseoffinancialassets.Howoftendo

people confuse principal with interest? Have you ever invaded principal toincrease your standard of living, to get more golden eggs? The decreasingprincipalhasdecreasingpowertoproduceinterestorincome.Andthedwindlingcapitalbecomessmallerandsmalleruntilitnolongersuppliesevenbasicneeds.Ourmost important financial asset is our own capacity to earn. Ifwe don’t

continually invest in improving our own PC, we severely limit our options.We’relockedintoourpresentsituation,runningscaredofourcorporationorourboss’s opinion of us, economically dependent and defensive.Again, it simplyisn’teffective.In thehumanarea, theP/PCBalance isequally fundamental,butevenmore

important,becausepeoplecontrolphysicalandfinancialassets.Whentwopeopleinamarriagearemoreconcernedaboutgettingthegolden

eggs, thebenefits, thantheyare inpreservingtherelationshipthatmakesthempossible, they often become insensitive and inconsiderate, neglecting the littlekindnessesandcourtesiessoimportanttoadeeprelationship.Theybegintousecontrol levers tomanipulateeachother, to focuson theirownneeds, to justifytheir own position and look for evidence to show thewrongness of the other

person.Thelove,therichness,thesoftnessandspontaneitybegintodeteriorate.Thegoosegetssickerdaybyday.Andwhataboutaparent’srelationshipwithachild?Whenchildrenarelittle,

theyareverydependent,veryvulnerable.ItbecomessoeasytoneglectthePCwork—the training, the communicating, the relating, the listening. It’s easy totakeadvantage,tomanipulate,togetwhatyouwantthewayyouwantit—rightnow!You’rebigger,you’resmarter,andyou’reright!Sowhynotjusttellthemwhattodo?Ifnecessary,yellatthem,intimidatethem,insistonyourway.Or you can indulge them. You can go for the golden egg of popularity, of

pleasing them,giving them theirwayall the time.Then theygrowupwithoutanyinternalsenseofstandardsorexpectations,withoutapersonalcommitmenttobeingdisciplinedorresponsible.Eitherway—authoritarianorpermissive—youhavethegoldeneggmentality.

You want to have your way or you want to be liked. But what happens,meantime, to the goose? What sense of responsibility, of self-discipline, ofconfidence in theability tomakegoodchoicesorachieve importantgoals isachild going to have a few years down the road? And what about yourrelationship?When he reaches those critical teenage years, the identity crises,willheknowfromhisexperiencewithyouthatyouwilllistenwithoutjudging,thatyou really,deeplycareabouthimasaperson, thatyoucanbe trusted,nomatter what?Will the relationship be strong enough for you to reach him, tocommunicatewithhim,toinfluencehim?Supposeyouwantyourdaughtertohaveacleanroom—that’sP,production,

the golden egg.And suppose youwant her to clean it—that’s PC, productioncapability.Yourdaughteristhegoose,theasset,thatproducesthegoldenegg.IfyouhavePandPCinbalance,shecleanstheroomcheerfully,withoutbeing

reminded, because she is committed and has the discipline to stay with thecommitment.Sheisavaluableasset,agoosethatcanproducegoldeneggs.Butifyourparadigmisfocusedonproduction,ongettingtheroomclean,you

mightfindyourselfnagginghertodoit.Youmightevenescalateyoureffortstothreateningoryelling,andinyourdesiretogetthegoldenegg,youunderminethehealthandwelfareofthegoose.

Letme sharewith you an interesting PC experience I hadwith one ofmydaughters.Wewereplanningaprivatedate,whichissomethingIenjoyregularlywitheachofmychildren.Wefindthattheanticipationofthedateisassatisfyingastherealization.SoIapproachedmydaughterandsaid,“Honey,tonight’syournight.Whatdo

youwanttodo?”“Oh,Dad,that’sokay,”shereplied.“No,really,”Isaid.“Whatwouldyouliketodo?”“Well,”shefinallysaid,“whatIwanttodo,youdon’treallywanttodo.”“Really,honey,” I saidearnestly, “Iwant todo it.Nomatterwhat, it’syour

choice.”“Iwant togo seeStarWars,” she replied. “But I knowyou don’t likeStar

Wars.You slept through it before.Youdon’t like these fantasymovies.That’sokay,Dad.”“No,honey,ifthat’swhatyou’dliketodo,I’dliketodoit.”“Dad, don’t worry about it.We don’t always have to have this date.” She

paused and then added, “But you know why you don’t like Star Wars? It’sbecauseyoudon’tunderstandthephilosophyandtrainingofaJediKnight.”“What?”“Youknowthethingsyouteach,Dad?Thosearethesamethingsthatgointo

thetrainingofaJediKnight.”“Really?Let’sgotoStarWars!”Andwe did. She sat next to me and gaveme the paradigm. I became her

student,herlearner.Itwastotallyfascinating.Icouldbegintoseeoutofanewparadigm the whole way a Jedi Knight’s basic philosophy in training ismanifestedindifferentcircumstances.ThatexperiencewasnotaplannedPexperience;itwastheserendipitousfruit

ofaPCinvestment.Itwasbondingandverysatisfying.Butweenjoyedgoldeneggs,too,asthegoose—thequalityoftherelationship—wassignificantlyfed.

ORGANIZATIONALPCOne of the immensely valuable aspects of any correct principle is that it is

validandapplicableinawidevarietyofcircumstances.Throughoutthisbook,Iwouldliketosharewithyousomeofthewaysinwhichtheseprinciplesapplytoorganizations,includingfamilies,aswellastoindividuals.WhenpeoplefailtorespecttheP/PCBalanceintheiruseofphysicalassetsin

organizations, theydecreaseorganizationaleffectivenessandoften leaveotherswithdyinggeese.Forexample,apersoninchargeofaphysicalasset,suchasamachine,may

beeagertomakeagoodimpressiononhissuperiors.Perhapsthecompanyisinarapidgrowthstageandpromotionsarecomingfast.Soheproducesatoptimumlevels—nodowntime,nomaintenance.Herunsthemachinedayandnight.Theproductionisphenomenal,costsaredown,andprofitsskyrocket.Withinashorttime,he’spromoted.Goldeneggs!Butsupposeyouarehissuccessoronthejob.Youinheritaverysickgoose,a

machinethat,bythistime,isrustedandstartstobreakdown.Youhavetoinvestheavily indowntimeandmaintenance.Costsskyrocket;profitsnose-dive.Andwho gets blamed for the loss of golden eggs? You do. Your predecessorliquidated the asset, but the accounting system only reported unit production,costs,andprofit.TheP/PCBalanceisparticularlyimportantasitappliestothehumanassetsof

anorganization—thecustomersandtheemployees.Iknowofa restaurant thatserveda fantasticclamchowderandwaspacked

withcustomerseverydayatlunchtime.Thenthebusinesswassold,andthenewowner focused on golden eggs—he decided to water down the chowder. Foraboutamonth,withcostsdownandrevenuesconstant,profitszoomed.Butlittleby little, the customers began to disappear. Trust was gone, and businessdwindledtoalmostnothing.Thenewownertrieddesperatelytoreclaimit,buthe had neglected the customers, violated their trust, and lost the asset ofcustomerloyalty.Therewasnomoregoosetoproducethegoldenegg.Thereareorganizationsthattalkalotaboutthecustomerandthencompletely

neglectthepeoplethatdealwiththecustomer—theemployees.ThePCprincipleis toalways treat your employees exactly as youwant them to treat your bestcustomers.

Youcanbuyaperson’shand,butyoucan’tbuyhisheart.Hisheartiswherehisenthusiasm,hisloyaltyis.Youcanbuyhisback,butyoucan’tbuyhisbrain.That’swherehiscreativityis,hisingenuity,hisresourcefulness.PCwork is treating employees as volunteers just as you treat customers as

volunteers, because that’s what they are. They volunteer the best part—theirheartsandminds.

Iwasinagrouponcewheresomeoneasked,“Howdoyoushapeuplazyandincompetentemployees?”Onemanresponded,“Drophandgrenades!”Severalotherscheeredthatkindofmachomanagementtalk,that“shapeuporshipout”supervisionapproach.Butanotherpersoninthegroupasked,“Whopicksupthepieces?”“Nopieces.”“Well,whydon’tyoudothattoyourcustomers?”theothermanreplied.“Just

say, ‘Listen, if you’re not interested in buying, you can just ship out of thisplace.’”Hesaid,“Youcan’tdothattocustomers.”“Well,howcomeyoucandoittoemployees?”“Becausethey’reinyouremploy.”“I see.Areyouremployeesdevoted toyou?Do theyworkhard?How’s the

turnover?”“Areyoukidding?Youcan’tfindgoodpeoplethesedays.There’stoomuch

turnover,absenteeism,moonlighting.Peoplejustdon’tcareanymore.”

Thatfocusongoldeneggs—thatattitude,thatparadigm—istotallyinadequateto tap into the powerful energies of themind and heart of another person. Ashort-termbottomlineisimportant,butitisn’tall-important.Effectivenessliesinthebalance.ExcessivefocusonPresultsinruinedhealth,

worn-outmachines,depletedbankaccounts,andbrokenrelationships.ToomuchfocusonPCislikeapersonwhorunsthreeorfourhoursaday,braggingabouttheextratenyearsoflifeitcreates,unawarehe’sspendingthemrunning.Oraperson endlessly going to school, never producing, living on other people’sgoldeneggs—theeternalstudentsyndrome.To maintain the P/PC Balance, the balance between the golden egg

(production)and thehealthandwelfareof thegoose (productioncapability) isoften a difficult judgment call. But I suggest it is the very essence ofeffectiveness. It balances short termwith long term. It balances going for the

gradeandpayingthepricetogetaneducation.Itbalancesthedesiretohavearoom clean and the building of a relationship in which the child is internallycommittedtodoit—cheerfully,willingly,withoutexternalsupervision.It’s a principle you can see validated in your own life when you burn the

candle at both ends to get more golden eggs and wind up sick or exhausted,unabletoproduceanyatall;orwhenyougetagoodnight’ssleepandwakeupreadytoproducethroughouttheday.You can see it when you press to get your own way with someone and

somehowfeelanemptinessintherelationship;orwhenyoureallytaketimetoinvest ina relationshipandyoufind thedesireandability towork together, tocommunicate,takesaquantumleap.TheP/PCBalanceistheveryessenceofeffectiveness.It’svalidatedinevery

arenaof life.Wecanworkwithitoragainst it,but it’s there.It’sa lighthouse.It’sthedefinitionandparadigmofeffectivenessuponwhichtheSevenHabitsinthisbookarebased.