the privilege of being a man

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October 8, 2009

'The Privilege of Being a Man'

By Matt C. Abbott

The following is a reprint of an article titled "The Privilege of Being a Man," written by Catholic

author and professor Mitchell Kalpakgian, that appears in the summer 2009 issue ofCatholic

Men's Quarterly. Thanks to John Moorehouse, publisher of CMQ, for allowing me to reprint Dr.

Kalpakgian's article.

'The Privilege of Being a Man'

By Mitchell Kalpakgian

This title is inspired by Alice von Hildebrand's The Privilege of Being a Woman(Sapientia Press, 2002),

a masterpiece that defends the greatness of womanhood and captures the essence of the feminine

genius while it exposes the fallacies of feminist ideology. For example, Dr. von Hildebrand, alluding to

St. Teresa of Avila, comments that "more women than men receive extraordinary graces . . . they are

more receptive to God's voice and particularly capable of heroic donation when their heart is purified."

Referring to Chesterton, she remarks that women "grasp intuitively the meaning and value of suffering"

better than men.

Women, despite their nature as the weaker sex, possess a unique power: "Their weakness appeals to

pity; it can touch men's hearts and appeal to what is best in them, namely, their chivalrous instinct to

help those weaker than themselves." A woman's beauty and charm exert such irresistible appeal that

they can bring a man "to his knees," and innocent young daughters possess "a sweetness and charm

that most fathers cannot resist." At the marriage at Cana, Christ could not refuse the appeal of His

Blessed Mother when she observed, "They have no wine."

As Dr. von Hildebrand explains, Saint Edith Stein observed that women are more interested in the

personal, the concrete, and the particular than in the abstract or the universal, and woman's intuitive

mind grasps reality "in wholes than in parts": "Their minds do not dissect an object; they grasp it in

totality."

Another virtue of the feminine sensibility is the unity of mind and heart, women's minds thinking at their

best "when animated by their hearts" and possessing a human wisdom that surpasses specialization

and scholarship. Because of woman's gift of receptivity "an alert, awakened, joyful readiness to be

fecundated by another person or by a beautiful object" God "touches" a woman in a most intimate

way at the moment of conception and grants her this "extraordinary privilege of carrying two souls in her

body" and of cooperating with God's creative power. These are some of the God-given, natural

privileges that endow women with powers and talents that men either lack or possess in lesser degree.

What, then, is the privilege of being a man? Men of course vary from saints, heroes, and knights to

brutes, boors, and fops, but true manhood possesses its special essence just as womanhood enjoys its

unique nature. For one thing, man enjoys the privilege of leadership or initiation. The Greek word

signifying to act, archein, means to begin, to take the first step. "The beginning is more than half of the

whole" as Aristotle said. That is, to act does not mean to organize a perfect, detailed plan with

safeguards against all contingencies or to have special foresight into the future that eliminates all

problems.

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A man discovers a great cause, feels moved by a noble ideal, falls in love, or desires a great good that

appeals to him. St. Benedict acts and founds his illustrious, enduring rule and monastic order that

preserved Western civilization; he takes the first step that begins a chain of events that God and nature

assist as a small mustard seed grows into a great plant.

Similarly, a man notices the beauty of a woman and feels attraction. He takes one step, initiates

conversation, asks her to dance, asks for a date and invites her to dinner, and begins a courtship.

Having fallen in love, he eventually asks his beloved to marry him. A romance, engagement, marriage,

children, and family follow because man initiated an action, took a chance, felt a sense of daring, and

leaped forward without any guarantees. This is one of the traits of manhood that makes it a privilege

the courage of convictions that is not ruled by fear or doubt. To be a man is not to worry about

everything but to heed Christ's words: "Do not be anxious about your life."

A second privilege of being a man is a physical and mental strength to accomplish difficult things and to

endure heavy crosses that demand patience, perseverance, and endurance. Yes, there are weak,

ignoble, and cowardly men, but that is not the true mark of masculinity. Strong men depend on

themselves on their own will power and hard work, on their intelligence and resourcefulness, and on

their self-reliance and imagination to manage their affairs or to carry the burdens and responsibilities of

others who need their protection.

In Virgil'sAeneidthe Trojan hero Aeneas, ready to fight for his country and attack the invading Greeks,

nevertheless leaves the burning city to protect his wife, young son, and aging father in a poignant scene

where he holds the boy by the hand, carries his father on his shoulders, and looks back to guard his

wife:

'Then come, dear father. Arms around my neck: I'll take you on my shoulders, no great weight.

Whatever happens, both will face one danger, Find one safety. Iulus will come with me, My wife

at a good interval behind.'

This image from Virgil captures man's desire to serve others first and place himself last. Will Durant, the

historian who wrote The Story of Civilization, explains this virtue in a more whimsical way. He observes

that, according to perennial wisdom, women are the slaves of children and men are the slaves of

women. However, men themselves have no slaves to complete their tasks.

Noble men, of course, are not literally the "slaves" of their wives or children, but they do not complain

about suffering burdens or performing menial tasks, whether walking a colicky child during the early

morning hours or driving children three hours to a swim meet competition that lasts five minutes. Strong

men do not beg for slaves to do their work or whine about doing their duty. They value the privilege to

serve women and children and others who depend upon them. This virtue of chivalry makes men

honorable, knightly, and magnanimous as the famous Don Quixote demonstrated the knight of the

rueful countenance who vowed fidelity to his beloved Dulcinea and pledged the defense of widows and

orphans regardless of the mortifications or defeats he suffered for his ideals.

Men possess an enormous sense of humor, laugh easily at themselves and at the folly of others, and

enjoy teasing and being teased with a light touch. Real men never take themselves too seriously

because they acknowledge their weaknesses and know their limitations. Marriage humbles men as their

wives remind husbands of their faults all too often. The words "human," "humility," and "humor" all

derive from the same Latin root as "humus" meaning dirt. Because men can laugh at their foibles, listen

to the recitation of their faults, and have no illusions about their perfections, they tend to be more "down

to earth" in the dirt than lost in the clouds of illusion.

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What great comedians and wits we have in witty men like Chaucer, Shakespeare, Dr. Johnson, and

G.K. Chesterton! Chaucer is unafraid of ridiculing hypocritical, avaricious and lustful priests. In "The

General Prologue" he satirizes the friar: "He knew the taverns well in every town, and cared more for

every innkeeper and barmaid than for a leper or a beggar." Shakespeare mocks silly conventions like

courtly love and grimly grave characters like Malvolio ("Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there

shall be no more cakes and ale?"). Dr. Johnson unmasks pretentious language and exaggeration he

calls "cant." In response to David Hume and Samuel Foote who boasted they were not afraid of death,

Johnson remarked, "it is not true, Sir. Hold a pistol to Foote's breast, or to Hume's breast, and threaten

to kill them, and you'll see how they behave." Chesterton makes the famous remark that "Angels can fly

because they can take themselves lightly."

Men are more easily amused at their wives than women are of their husbands, laughing at women's

habits like arranging an immaculate home before going on a vocation but tolerating a chaotic household

in daily life. The privilege of being a man is the expansive capacity to see silliness, comedy, and

nonsense everywhere and to tolerate fools gladly. As Henry Fielding, the great satirist who wrote Tom

Jones, expresses this male comic vision, "And perhaps there is one reason why a comic writer should

of all others be the least excused for deviating from nature . . .," namely, "life everywhere furnishes an

accurate observer with the ridiculous."

Men, of course, are renowned for their hearty appetites and relish food and drink with exceptional

gusto. They never cease to enjoy the simple pleasures and the innocent delights of the flesh.

Fastidiousness about food and drink is not a normal male trait, but rather a robust craving for delicious

meals in generous portions offers them some of life's greatest happiness.

Homer's depiction of food in the scenes of hospitality from the Odysseyepitomizes the essence of

civilization and the height of happiness, "something like perfection" that occurs on the occasion of the

feast: "A maid came with water in a beautiful golden ewer and poured it over a silver basin so that they

could rinse their hands. She also drew a wooden table to their side, and the staid housekeeper brought

some bread and set it by them with a choice of delicacies, helping them liberally to all she had.

Meanwhile, a carver dished up for them on platters slices of various meats he had selected from his

board, and put gold cups beside them."

Because of this male passion for hearty food and drink, happiness comes easily to men who derive

great contentment at the table and look forward all day for the sumptuousness of the flavors and

aromas that await them at their meals. Mothers generally tend to enjoy cooking for their sons more than

their daughters, and women always consider it a compliment to their cooking when men savor their

cooking and partake in generous portions as they praise her culinary art.

Men's love of sports, whether it is fishing, hunting, golf, horse racing, or baseball, keeps them boyish

and young at heart. They enjoy the privilege of preserving the innocence of their childhood and fondly

reminisce about the pastimes and recreations of their boyhood. They never forget that stage in life that

Shakespeare alludes to as "boy eternal," the fun-loving care-freeness of a Huck Finn or Tom Sawyer

always ready for an adventure or spontaneous fun. They organize youth sports, coach their children's

teams, share their knowledge of the game, and relive their childhood through their passion for athletics.

Izaac Walton's The Complete Angler(1676) captures this spirit of the innocent fun of being "boy

eternal" as businessmen living an active life go fishing and receive a myriad of spiritual and physical

benefits from their favorite recreation: "Twas an imployment for his idle time, which was not then Idlely

spent: for angling was, after tedious Study, a rest to his mind, a cheerer of his spirits, a diverter of

sadnesse, a calmer of unquiet thoughts, a moderator of passions, a procurer of contentedness; and that

it begot habits of peace and patience in those that profess'd and practis'd it."

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The privilege of being a man is that his happiness consists in the sum of little things: the outdoors, a

favorite sport, a good friend, a delicious meal, and all seems well with the world. As one sportsman

says in Walton's book, "Fish to morrow, and sup together, and the next day every man leave Fishing,

and fall to his businesse." It takes so little to please a normal man.

Another special privilege of being a man is that he does not have to be ruled by fashion or be

preoccupied about clothes or style. Compared to women, most men own a limited wardrobe and only a

few combinations of apparel. Jackets, slacks, shirts and ties do not radically go out of vogue. Other

than basic grooming, cleanliness, haircuts, and shaves, manly men do not spend inordinate time

preening themselves or modifying their wardrobe to be in proper fashion.

In general, men who are not foppish do not think of themselves as beautiful, lovely, or glamorous and

thus are saved from the snare of vanity. They do not gaze at their reflections and ask, "Mirror, mirror on

the wall, who is the fairest of them all?" Like Huckleberry Finn, men never lose their opposition to being

excessively "proper" according to conventions of rigid formality and etiquette. Huck comments, "The

widow Douglas, she took me for her son, and allowed she would sivilize me; but it was rough living in

the house, considering how dismal regular and decent the widow was in all her ways; . . . I got into my

old rags, and my sugar-hogshead again, and was free and satisfied."

Unlike women, men never look forward to getting dressed up and appearing in elegant clothing for

special occasions. Consequently, men spend less money on clothing, worry less about appearance,

and hardly think about what they will wear tomorrow or for the party they are attending. They enjoy this

greater freedom from the dictates of the fashion world.

Another masculine advantage is insensibility not coarseness, callousness or hardheartedness. Men's

feelings are not hurt so easily, and they are rarely guilty of touchiness taking offense easily when no

offense was intended. This lack of delicacy serves them well in political debates and honest arguments.

In Life on the MississippiMark Twain the cub pilot hearing a shipmate on the steamboat roar, "Here,

now, start that gangplank for'ard! Lively, now! What're you about?" comments, "I wished I could talk

like that."

Dr. Johnson's Literary Club which met regularly at the Mitre tavern in London for dinner, friendship, and

conversation engaged in vigorous, heated discussion and exchanges of wit that required the risk of

defeat or laughter. Johnson blames Oliver Goldsmith's irritable temper because "he is so much

mortified" when he does not excel in conversation. When Goldsmith enters into arguments, "if he does

not get the better, he is miserably vexed" a hypersensitivity to losing or failing that Johnson finds too

delicate for the masculine nature.. Preciosity or perfectionism is a rare disease among men whose

mastery of detail or nuance or theje ne sais quoiis notoriously lacking.

Shakespeare's bluff Hotspur from Henry IVcaptures this unceremonious roughness both when he

remarks, "By God, I cannot flatter; I do defy/ The tongues of soothers," and when he bluntly speaks his

mind to his wife Kate: "Swear me, Kate, like a lady as thou art, / A good mouth-filling oath, and leave 'in

sooth,'/ And such protest of pepper-gingerbread, / To velvet guards and Sunday citizens."

The privilege of being a man allows him not to be preoccupied with polished diction, mincing words, or

elegant expression as Chaucer's Canterbury Tales famously illustrates. When the avaricious pardoner

attempts to cheat the pilgrims with trinkets he calls "relics," the host thunders, "Stop this, it won't do, as I

hope to prosper! You would make me kiss your old breeches, and swear they were the relics of a saint,

though they were foully stained by your bottom!"

These privileges, however, are only the minor perquisites of manhood. The greatest honor of the male

species is the title of husband and father. In awe and wonder man contemplates the miracle of woman's

beauty and desires her love with a longing that pierces the soul. When he falls in love with his beloved

and proposes marriage, he finds in this one woman a dream come true, a miracle from heaven. In his

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eyes she embodies the essence of all female virtues of mind, body, heart, and soul, and he begins to

understand the transcendental nature of love as the poets write about it. As Romeo said of Juliet, "She

doth teach the torches to burn bright!/ It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night/ As a jewel in an

Ethiope's ear / Beauty too rare for use, for earth too dear."

He cannot believe that God has blessed him with this most precious gift that surpasses his wildest

hopes and dreams. Yes, he always noticed lovely women. Yes, he always thought he wanted to get

married. Of course he wanted to marry someone who attracted him. But never in his life did he imagine

anyone so beautiful, ideal, and perfect would want to marry him and honor him with the privilege of

being her husband. How could this be? The privilege of being a man is to behold the miracle of love, to

contemplate the divine nature of beauty incarnate in the loveliness of woman, and to "taste and see the

goodness of the Lord."

In short, just as woman intimately senses the touch of God when she conceives a child, man feels the

personal hand of God when he discovers the woman God created for him to marry. In this experience of

heaven on earth, man encounters the intense love of God for each individual soul and naturally

responds with profound gratitude, thinking like Augustine "Thou lovest us, Lord, as if we were the only

one," and thinking like St. Paul, "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, neither has it entered into the mind of

man, to conceive of the things God has prepared for those who love him."

A man's privilege of fatherhood also exalts him with a great honor. In his human fatherhood he is an

icon of God the father. The power of God's word creates the world when He utters, "'Let there be light';

and there was light." The power of a man's word creates a family when he asks, "Will you marry me?"

And there was marriage. The God of creation in his bountiful fruitfulness creates light, sky, land, seas,

plants, trees, sun, moon, stars, animals, and man and woman. A man in love with a generous heart

fathers a family and imitates God when he is fruitful and multiplies according to God's purpose for

marriage. God not only creates and multiplies but also provides and cares for all of His creation.

Man as husband and father also provides for his family, exercising the foresight of prudence and always

thinking ahead of the future happiness and protection of his family. God is not only a father in His Divine

Providence but also a teacher, ruler, and defender of His chosen people in the Old Testament. A

human father too enjoys these privileges of instructing his children in God's ways, ruling them with

justice and mercy, and defending and protecting them from evil influences that attack the family and rob

children of their innocence. There is nothing that a good father will not do for his family. As St. Therese

the Little Flower writes in her autobiography The Story of a Soul, children expect everything from their

father, and believers honor God by expecting great things from Him.

In Shakespeare's The Tempest, Prospero, the epitome of wise and loving fatherhood, uses the art of

"magic" (power and knowledge) that he derives from his books to bring civilization out of anarchy

light out of darkness when he is shipwrecked on an island. As a man he governs his island and as a

father he rules his family as God orders the world with wisdom, justice, mercy, and love. With

providential wisdom Prospero allows Ferdinand to marry his daughter only when he has proven his

worthiness. With stern justice he punishes evildoers who plot murder. With kind mercy he forgives all

who repent and show contrition: "The rarer action is/ In virtue than in vengeance. They being penitent, /

The sole drift of my purpose doth extend/ Not a frown further." And with miraculous love Prospero

brings good out of evil, transforming a tragic shipwreck into a joyful marriage and an occasion of happy

reconciliation.

It is a privilege of manhood to use power and knowledge creatively to produce beautiful works as God

does and to fight evil in all its forms. In educating and refining his daughter Miranda, Prospero has

created a work of art, a masterpiece, which the word "Miranda" (meaning miraculous or wonderful)

signifies as Ferdinand's praise indicates: "Admir'd Miranda!/ Indeed the top of admiration."

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To govern a family, to civilize children, to order the society of a household for the common good, and to

punish with justice and forgive with mercy require the arts of manhood that Shakespeare calls "magic"

in his play all the talents and skills a loving father incorporates to achieve the masterpiece of a

human family and a civilized world. It is a privilege of being a man, then, to make the fullest use and to

exercise constantly all of his powers physical, intellectual, spiritual, and emotional in the creation

of works of art that emulate God's wonders.

A final privilege of being a man is the honor of dying for those he loves. "Husbands, love your wives, as

Christ loved the church," St. Paul writes. After the apostle enjoins women to obey their husbands, he

commands men to love their wives with the willingness to sacrifice their lives for them as Christ died in

his passion for the Church, God's kingdom in this world.

In Homer's OdysseyOdysseus risks his life to return to his home in Ithaca to defend his family from the

barbarian suitors, almost drowned in the sea by a vengeful god and nearly killed by the savage

Cyclops. In the Iliadthe honorable Hector in the defense of Troy and his family duels with the

formidable Achilles in the full knowledge of his impending death: "I have made up my mind to fight you

man to man and kill you or be killed." The apostles and martyrs who preached and lived the Gospel

knew that the imitation of Christ always incurred the risk of death: "If they hated me, they will hate you."

The profession of knighthood likewise follows the ideal of service that requires not only, in Chaucer's

description of the true knight, "chivalry, truth, and honor, generosity and courtesy" but also fearlessness

in battle as the knight's bloodstained breastplates signify from combat in many wars: "He had fought in

fifteen large battles, in addition to the three times he had defended our faith in Algeria, and each time

he had killed his opponent." This privilege of manhood, the chance to "give all" as King Lear says, is the

essence of the male character. Real men exemplify liberality in every form from generosity with money

to the gift of self for a noble ideal to the courage of dying for truth or justice as fathers, soldiers, knights,

and martyrs do in their joy of being men.

If only the radical feminists and cowardly men grasped some of these truths about the male of the

species, the relations between the sexes would return to normal, love and romance would return to an

unchivalrous world, marriage and children would flourish, and everyone would recognize once again the

normal, the human, and the natural.

[Mitchell Kalpakgian is the new editor ofCatholic Men's Quarterly. A politically incorrect professor of

40 years experience, most recently at Wyoming Catholic College, Dr. Kalpakgian is a teacher of

wisdom and virtue (read: literature). He is the author of three books: The Mysteries of Life in Children's

Literature (Neumann Press),An Armenian Family Reunion (Neumann Press), and The Marvelous in

Fielding's Novels (University Press of America).]

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