The Practice The Practice of of

Interpersonal Forgiveness Interpersonal Forgiveness in the in the

Personal and Professional Personal and Professional Lives of ClergyLives of Clergy

Dr. Preston VanLoonDr. Preston VanLoon

• “Without forgiveness there is no future… When something is unforgiven, it has physical consequences for us. Unforgiven tension, unforgiven sin, actually has a deleterious impact on the person.”

• Desmond Tutu in Exploring Forgiveness

“If you cannot free people from their wrongs and see them as the needy people they are, then you enslave yourself to your own painful past. By fastening yourself to the past, you let your hate become your future.”

Lewis Smedes, Forgive and Forget

"Most people think that granting forgiveness is simply a blank check to allow the offender back into their lives simply to trample on their heart again. Nothing could be further from the truth."

Doug Schmidt, The Prayer of Revenge

“There is a time to tear and a time to mend.”

…Ecclesiastes

“Forgiving does not require denying we have been hurt. On the contrary, to forgive we have to admit that we have been hurt and that we have a right to feel hurt, angry, or resentful.”

Robert Enright, Forgiveness is a Choice

Who hurt you?____Child

____Spouse

____Relative

____Same gender friend

____Opposite gender friend

____Employer

____Other: ___________

Is the person still living? ___ Yes ___ No

How long ago event happen?

____ days/weeks/months/years ago.

Briefly describe what happened when you were hurt:

Forgiveness Research:Clergy (VanLoon, 1997)Parentally love deprived college students (Al-

Mubuk,1990)Incest survivors (Freedman, 1993)The elderly (Hebl & Enright, 1991)Adolescents (Enright, Santos, & Al-Mubuk,

1989)Families (Flanigan, 1987)Physicians/unsuccessful treatment (Gerber,

1987)

Forgiveness is a complex subject that has been widely discussed in the fields of:

Theology

Psychology/Counseling

Moral Philosophy

Despite embracing forgiveness as part of their belief structure, many clergy struggle with interpersonal hurt and conflict with:

Members of their congregationsTheir familiesEmployersCommunity membersOthers

The hurt clergy experience results in emotional, physical, and spiritual problems including:

Personal StressDepressionAnxietyLoss of EnergyIrritabilityMarital and Family ProblemsLow Self Esteem Self Doubt regarding their roleAnger

Clergy struggle with interpersonal forgiveness for a variety of reasons including:

The expectation to be self-sufficient

and the need to work things out by

self.

The attitude that clergy are to be

care-givers or helpers.

Reasons why Clergy Struggle with

Interpersonal Forgiveness (continued):

The traditional emphasis of vertical

forgiveness.

Lack of a clear understanding of

interpersonal forgiveness.

Difficulty dealing with their own

interpersonal pain.

In a research study of 5000 Christians on character, forgiveness is the area where Christians have the most difficulty.

(Zigarelli, 2002)

How clergy deal with interpersonal hurt and forgiveness issues in their own lives affects their effectiveness in helping others with similar hurt and pain.

As clergy become more effective practicing interpersonal forgiveness they also develop greater:Ability to recognize and manage their own

hurt. Empathy and acceptance of others.Understanding of their own pasts.Effectiveness in facilitating interpersonal

forgiveness with others.Integration of psychology and theology in their

own lives.

Clergy Research Study:Randomized two group study (34 participants from 11 different denominations):

Experimental Group (n = 17)Avg. Age = 48 yearsAvg. Years Experience in Ministry = 17 yearsIntervention: Forgiveness Education Training

Control Group (n = 17)Avg. Age = 51 yearsAvg. Years Experience in Ministry = 15 years Intervention: Human Relations Training

Assessments:Psychological Forgiveness ProfileWillingness to Forgive MeasureAnger ScaleAnxiety ScaleHope ScaleSelf Esteem Scale

Each measure was administered on six different occasions over the six week course during the experiment.

Forgiveness Study Results:

The experimental group experienced a change in their thinking toward forgiveness and increase in their willingness to forgive their offenders compared to the control group.

The experimental group also increased in their willingness to use forgiveness with others who had interpersonal hurt.

Other research findings:

Participants with higher self-esteem were more willing to forgive than those with lower self esteem.

Therapeutic Interventions help in the reduction of anxiety.

Other research findings continued:

Forgiveness interventions help to release anger that has been internalized.

Interpersonal forgiveness results in greater hope and new meaning or purpose in life.

What is Interpersonal Forgiveness?

Common Myths and Misconceptions (Enright):

1. Forgiveness means forgetting the offense never happened and going back the way things were before.

2. Forgiveness is a sign of weakness and vulnerability.

3. Forgiveness doesn’t make things fair to others or ourselves.

Myths and Misconceptions continued:

4. Forgiveness is only needed for those we care for, can see, or those who want to be forgiven.

5. Forgiveness happens quickly and easily.

6. Forgiveness is our duty and responsibility as human beings.

7. Forgiveness means putting up with or excusing inappropriate behavior.

What Interpersonal Forgiveness is Not:PardonReconciliationCondoning and/or ExcusingJustificationSelf-centerednessAllowing emotions to diminish over

time

Forgiveness is Not, continued:ForgettingJust saying “I forgive you”Synonymous with mourningAbsolutionSelf sacrificeA one time decision

Definitions of Forgiveness:

How would you define forgiveness?

Definitions of Interpersonal Forgiveness:

“An internal process that seeks to reduce one’s negative feelings toward those who have offended him/her and as a consequence of the reduction of negative feelings, allows for an increased ability to have positive interpersonal relationships.”

(Nelson, 1992)

Definitions of interpersonal forgiveness

“Participation, reunion overcoming the powers of estrangement. And only because this is so does forgiveness make love possible”

(Tillich, 1987)

A Definition of

Interpersonal Forgiveness:

Forgiving is the overcoming of negative affect and judgment toward the offender, not by denying ourselves the right to such affect and judgment, but by endeavoring to view (treat) the offender with compassion, benevolence and love while recognizing that he or she has abandoned the right to them.”

(Enright et al., 1991)

Interpersonal Forgiveness explained:

A by-product of an ongoing healing process.

A sign of possible self esteem.Letting go of intense emotions attached to

incidents from our past.Recognizing that we no longer need our

grudges, resentments, hatred, and self pity.

Interpersonal Forgiveness explained (cont.)

No longer wanting to punish people who hurt us. Accepting that nothing we do to punish our

offender will heal us. Freeing up and putting to better use the energy

once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds.

Moving on.

(Simon and Simon, 1991)

Reasons for Forgiveness

Forgiveness allows us to relieve ourselves of the debilitating effects of chronic anger and resentment.

Forgiveness is being fair to yourself and the wrong suffered, it’s pain and revenge are unfair.

Forgiveness allows us to move beyond our past wounds and see life from a new perspective.

Forgiveness offers the possibility of healing and reconciliation, bringing new life, not death, to a relationship.

Forgiveness gives us the freedom to deal with our wrong realistically and bring healing to our hurts.

Forgiveness is for people who are human, who not only need to forgive, but also need to be forgiven.

Forgiveness allows us to transform the energy invested in our pain and hurt to bring healing to our memory and hope to our future.

Characteristics of Interpersonal Forgiveness(Enright and the Human Development Study Group, 1991)

1. Happens between people, not a person and an inanimate object.

2. Follows a significant injury (psychological, emotional, physical, or moral) from the other person.

3. The offense is an objective reality, not merely a perception.

4. Is possible only when the offended party has a sense of justice (being wronged).

Characteristics continued:

5. Over time, the injured party no longer seeks retaliation.

6. The offender need not apologize for the offended person to forgive.

7. The offender need not have intended the wrong.

8. Arriving at a forgiveness solution will vary depending on the variables involved including the severity, the quality of the relationships of the parties, and the offended person’s ability to understand forgiveness.

“Do not say “I’ll do to him as he has done to me; I’ll pay back for what he did.”

…Proverbs 24:29

Forgiveness Domains

When we forgive, as when we are significantly hurt, we are affected in three primary domains of life:

CognitivelyAffectivelyBehaviorally

From Robert D. Enright and the Human Development Study Group, 1991, TheMoral Development of Forgiveness, Handbook of Moral Behavior andDevelopment.

Cognitive Domain:

Here, the offended person ceases condemning judgments and the planning of revenge. The offended person may realize that he or she has a right to negative thoughts, yet is willing to forgo them. Positive thoughts emerge toward the offender, such as wishing the offender well and viewing the offender as a moral equal.

Affective Domain:

Negative emotions such as anger, hatred, resentment, sadness, and contempt are given up. These are replaced by more neutral emotions and eventually a positive affect including the willingness, through compassion and love, to help the offender.

Behavior Domain:

Here, the offended person no longer acts out the revenge. Instead, there is a willingness to join in community or make overtures in that direction.

Benefits of Forgiveness:

Decrease in depressionDecrease in anxietyDecrease in displacement of angerDecrease in use of defense mechanismsPrevention of escalation of revengeImproved intrapersonal peace

Benefits of Forgiveness continued:

Improved interpersonal relationships Improved affect Improved self-esteem Reduction in stress symptoms Lower blood pressure Reduction in insomnia Less digestive problems

In a research study of 5000 Christians and the development of character, Zigarelli (2002) found a positive correlation between the practice interpersonal forgiveness and the amount of joy experienced in life.

“…your guilt is taken away, and your sin is forgiven.”

…Isaiah 6:7

Objections to Interpersonal Forgiveness:

(Philosophical and Psychological)

1. Interpersonal forgiveness is weakness; it develops out of a sense of moral or religious duty.

Response:

2. It is a power play, putting the forgiver in a “one up” position.

Response:

3. It implies inferiority by telling the offender they are forgiven.

Response:

Objections continued:4. Interpersonal Forgiveness produces inferiority in one’s self.

Response:5. It is a reversal of societal justice.

Response:6. Blocks personal justice.

Response:

7. It is an alienation of our true nature.

Response:

8. The injustice is overlooked by the offended person.

Response:

Reasons People do Not Want to Forgive:

“If this hadn’t happened, I’d have a perfect life.”

Thinking that you are the good guy or better person.

A sense of power.

It protects us from being hurt again.

Stages of Forgiveness and Stages of Forgiveness and Moral Development:Moral Development:

A Comparison of Justice and MercyA Comparison of Justice and Mercy

Stage One

Justice: Punishment Morality

“I believe that justice should be decided by the authority, by the one who can punish.”

Forgiveness: Revengeful Forgiveness

“I can forgive someone who wrongs me only if I can punish that person to a similar degree as my own pain.”

Stage Two

Justice: Individualism “I have a sense of reciprocity that defines justice

for me. If you help me, I must help you.”

Forgiveness: Conditional or Restitutional Forgiveness“If I get back what was taken away from me, then I can forgive. If I feel guilty about with-holding forgiveness, then I can forgive to relieve my guilt.”

Stage Three

Justice: Mutual Interpersonal Expectations

“Here, I reason that the group consensus should decide what is right and wrong. I go along so that others will like me.”

Forgiveness: Expectational Forgiveness

“I can forgive if others put pressure on me to forgive. I forgive because other people expect it of me.”

Stage Four

Justice: Social System and Conscience“Societal laws are my guides to justice. I uphold laws, except in extreme cases, to have an orderly society.”

Forgiveness: Lawful Expectational Forgiveness“I forgive because my religion demands it.” Notice that this stage is different from stage two in which the forgiver forgives to relieve self of guilt about with-holding forgiveness.

Stage Five

Justice: Societal Contract“I am aware that people hold a variety of opinions. One usually should uphold the values and rules of one’s group. Some non-relative values (life, liberty, etc.) must be upheld regardless of majority opinions.”

Forgiveness: Forgiveness as Social Harmony“I forgive because it restores harmony or good relations in society. Forgiveness decreases friction and outright conflict in society.”

Stage SixStage Six

Justice: Universal Ethical Principles

“My sense of justice is based on maintaining the individual rights of all people. People are an end in themselves and should be treated as such.”

Forgiveness: Forgiveness as Love

“I forgive because it promotes a true sense of love. Because I must truly care for each person, a hurtful act on another’s part does not alter that sense of love.”

This kind of relationship keeps open the possibility of reconciliation and closes the door on revenge.

Forgiveness is a Process

“Forgiveness is a process not a single act.”

(Augsburger, 1988)

“Forgiveness is a psychological process that

occurs throughout life.” (Smith, 1988)

“Forgiveness came in bits and pieces.” (Smedes,1984)

The Process of Forgiveness

“I realized I had been too eager to forgive. I had jumped right into forgiveness as soon as I recognized the abuse had taken place. I thought I was being a wonderful person by forgiving my parents right away. But what I was really trying to do was to go from zero to 10 in a single bound. I was trying to avoid the work, pain, and anger of what had happened to me as a child…I found it painful to think about how intimate relationships were very difficult to me, in part because of the abuse I suffered in my family of origin. I wanted nothing to do with any of this pain. I just wanted to forgive my parents and get it over with.” (Wolton, 1989, p.11)

The Forgiveness Process…The Forgiveness Process…

Takes time, often continuing throughout life.

Takes work and is not easy.Is an active process, not passiveIs internal with external manifestationsIs an ongoing processIs intentionalRequires a change in attitude

Forgiveness & Developmental ChangesForgiveness & Developmental Changes

Movement toward improved cognition, affect, and behavior.

Learning about and practicing forgiveness helps develop the ability to forgive.

Changes from feelings of hate and resentment to compassion and love.

A desire to learn and practice forgiveness.

A Process Model of Forgiveness:Four Phases20 Components

Phase One: Uncovering the Impact of our Hurt Phase (8 components):

1. Examination of Psychological Defenses

A. Denial

B. Repression

C. Suppression

D. Rationalization

E. Regression

F. Insulation

G. Reaction Formation

H. Displacement

I. Compensation

J. Withdrawal

Reflection: Examination of Psychological Defenses

1. From the list of defense mechanisms presented, which ones have you used to protect yourself from the hurt and pain you experienced from your offense?

2. How have they protected and/or hindered you from dealing with your feelings related to the hurt you experienced?

3. How have you used these defense mechanisms and why?

2. Dealing with Anger, Hatred, and Resentment

A. Anger is a normal reaction to being offended. It can have both a negative and positive effect on us and needs to be dealt with actively, not passively.

B. Hatred is often related to anger when we are offended. It can be passive or active.

C. Resentment builds when we do not deal with our anger and hatred.

Reflection: Dealing with Anger, Hatred, and Resentment

1. What have you done with the anger you experienced from your hurt?

2. Did you express your anger passively, actively, or aggressively?

3. How did your anger affect your life?

4. How did you resolve your feelings of anger, hatred, and resentment?

3. Acknowledging Shame

When we are hurt, we sometimes feel a sense of shame or embarrassment when our pain is exposed to others.

We feel self conscious and it often affects our self-esteem. Not dealing with our shame increases our pain and affects how we feel about ourselves.

Reflection: Acknowledging Shame

1. How did you experience shame?

2. What did you do when you felt this way?

3. How did shame affect your life? How you feel about yourself? Your relationships?

4. Preoccupation with our Pain

When we are hurt in a significant manner, we often, repeatedly, mentally process the hurt we have experienced and how unfair the offense was to us.

A significant amount of emotional energy is often invested in thinking about what has happened to us.

Reflection: Preoccupation with our Pain

1. In what ways did you experience a preoccupation with the pain you experienced?

2. How did having a preoccupation with your pain affect your life?

3. How were you able to achieve a balance with the energy put into processing your pain and your ability to function and cope?

5. Cognitively Rehearsing the Offense

When we are significantly hurt, we sometimes spend a lot of energy rehearsing what happened to us when we were offended.

While this is a somewhat normal reaction, it can be very upsetting and even make us feel worse.

Reflection: Cognitively Rehearsing the Offense

1. In what ways did you rehearse the offense you experienced?

2. How did rehearsing your offense affect your life?

3. How were you able to replace negative thoughts about your offense with positive ones?

6. Comparing Self with Your Offender

When we are hurt, it is common to compare ourselves with our offender and perceive him/her as being in a better situation than we are when hurt.

We sometimes think of ourselves as victims and think about how much worse we are because of our offense.

Reflection: Comparing Self with Your Offender

1. In what ways did you compare yourself to your offender?

2. How did comparing yourself with your offender affect how you thought about yourself and your life?

3. What emotions did you feel when you compared yourself to your offender?

7. Realization that Self may be Permanently and Adversely Changed by the Offense.

Continually thinking about the offense and how it has affected your life may bring awareness that you are no longer the same person you were before the offense and that you can no longer be that person.

You are now aware that your offense has changed you. This is often a painful reality, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you are less of a person than you were before the offense.

Reflection: Realization that Self may be Permanently and Adversely Changed by the Offense.

1. How are you a different person now compared to before the offense?

2. In what ways have you grown as a person and what new insights do you have about yourself that you would not have had if the offense did not happen?

3. How has this change in your perspective helped in your healing?

8. Insight into a Possibly Altered “Just World” View.

When we experience a deep hurt, we sometimes question the fairness of the world or see it as unjust.

Our thinking that our offense was not deserved has altered how we see the world, ourselves, and our offender.

Reflection: Insight into a Possibly Altered “Just World” View.

1. How did your offense affect how you see the world and your sense of justice or fairness?

2. In what ways have your perceptions of yourself and your offender been altered as a result of your offense?

3. How has this altered view of the world, yourself, and your offender affect your healing?

2. Phase Two: The Decision to Forgive Phase (3 components)

Here, the offended person chooses how he/she will deal with their hurt and seek a resolution of the pain.

“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.”

…Matthew 5:7

9. A Change of Heart/Conversion/New Insights

The pain from a deep personal hurt often has life changing implications. Feelings of anger, hatred, resentment, bitterness, and revenge often spill over into other areas of life and diminish it’s quality. For others, it becomes a source of motivation and healing.

When one goes through such a change of heart, there is the realization and new insight that old strategies and methods for coping with the offense are not working and might possibly be hindering the healing process and hurting more than helping.

Reflection: A Change of Heart/Conversion/New Insights

1. How has the pain and hurt you experienced from your offense spilled into other areas of your life?

2. In what ways have other people in your life been affected by the feelings of anger, bitterness, resentment, and hatred you have from your offense?

3. How has the energy you invested in your offense robbed you of the quality of life you would like to have?

10. Willingness to Forgive

A change of heart opens the door to exploring new possibilities and options for dealing with the hurt and pain and moving forward. Your options might be external and/or internal possibilities.

Here, you might choose between justice and mercy. Justice might include a legal or personal route. Mercy might include an internal motivation for forgiveness and personal healing with self and other relationships.

Reflection: Willingness to Forgive

1. Are you open to exploring forgiveness as an option for dealing with your hurt and pain?

2. Are you seeking an external or internal option to healing your hurt and pain?

3. What do you hope to gain with the option you are considering?

4. What are the benefits of choosing forgiveness (mercy) over legal option (justice)?

11. The Commitment to Forgive

The commitment to forgive one’s offender takes strength and courage. It takes a willingness to face one’s pain and pursue healing. By choosing to forgive, the offended person takes control of the hurt and healing.

The commitment to forgive one’s offender may manifest itself in the form of foreswearing punishment, having a positive affect toward one’s offender, and even a willingness to possibly reconcile with him/her.

Reflection: The Commitment to Forgive

1. What strategies have you used in the past to try and cope with the hurt and pain from your offense?

2. Would you be willing to make a decision or commitment to forgive your offender?

3. How do you think forgiveness will benefit you personally, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally?

Phase Three: The Work of Forgiveness (4 components)

In this phase, the offended person begins to build on his/her decision and commitment to forgive the offender.

12. Reframing our Offender

The offended person cognitively reinterprets the offender’s qualities and context in life. This strategy involves putting ourselves in the offender’s shoes and trying to understand one’s offender and the offense in context of the offender’s family, history, personality, and situation in life.

Reflection: Reframing our Offender

1. What are some facts you know about your offender’s life, family, background, situation, etc.?

2. How do these factors impact how you understand your offense and the offender?

3. What are some similarities between yourself and your offender as a fellow human being?

13. Empathy Toward the Offender

When we see our offender with “new eyes” empathy begins to emerge. When this happens, we develop the ability to feel as the offender might feel and to think as if we were in our offender’s “shoes.”

This understanding of our offender is deepened, feelings of resentment lessen, and sensitivity toward the offender results in decreased desire for revenge and increased feeling’s of benevolence.

Reflection: Empathy Toward the Offender

1. If you were to place yourself in your offender’s shoes, how would you describe him/her?

2. What feelings does your offender have about his/her life, relationships, and situation he/she is in now?

3. How would understanding your offender in need of compassion and benevolence impact your healing process?

14. Awareness of Compassion as it emerges toward the Offender

Compassion takes empathy one step further as we open ourselves to understanding our offender’s hurt and pain in life. Reframing is something we do from the head, compassion takes place from our heart.When we show compassion, we realize that there is more to the offender than the offense we experienced.

Reflection: Awareness of Compassion as it Emerges Toward the Offender

1. What are some possible factors in your offender’s life indicate the need for compassion?

2. How would showing compassion to your offender affect your view of the offense and contribute to your healing?

3. Who are some people who have shown compassion to you at other times in your life?

15. Acceptance/Absorption of the Pain

Reframing, empathy, and compassion allow us to see the offender in a different light. The way to continue moving forward is to accept and absorb the pain instead of revengefully trying to give it to our offender.

The cycle of pain is stopped only as we accept and absorb it instead of wanting to give it to others. Absorbing pain does not mean repressing it, but releasing it in ways that are healthy and therapeutic. Doing this, puts the control and power of your healing in your hands.

Reflection: Acceptance/Absorption of the Pain

1. Who are some people in life who absorbed pain for you personally and how did they do it?

2. What would it mean for you to absorb the pain of your offender?

3. What would your life be like if you chose not to absorb the pain of your offense?

4. How would absorbing your pain make a difference in your future?

Phase Four: The Outcomes of Forgiveness (5

components)

This phase focuses on the positive results and benefits one experiences when he/she makes the decision to forgive. Here, the offended person finds meaning in their offense and suffering and also the realization that he/she has also offended others.

16. Finding Meaning for Self and Others in the Suffering and Forgiveness Process.

Finding meaning in our suffering is difficult. We ask “Why Me? Why did God allow this to happen to me?” What did I do to deserve this? Why do innocent people suffer?As one continues in the healing process we begin to find meaning in our suffering and that there is value to our lives.

Reflection: Finding Meaning for Self and Others in the Suffering and Forgiveness Process.

1. How has your life changed as a result of your offense?

2. What new meaning do you have in your life as a result of the forgiveness work you have done?

3. What does it mean for you to ask what life expects of you when it comes to dealing with hurt and pain?

17. Realization that Self has Needed Others’ Forgiveness in the Past.

In forgiving our offender, we too know that we have offended others and were in need of their forgiveness. We realize that, as human beings, we too are not really that different from our offender. This reality points to the fact that we all need compassion and forgiveness. To withhold forgiveness from others affects us more than our offender.

Reflection: Realization that Self has Needed Others’ Forgiveness in the Past.

1. Think of a time when you needed to be forgiven. How did it feel?

2. How would living with anger, hatred, bitterness, resentment, and revenge affect others in your life?

3. How would forgiving others affect the quality of your life versus withholding forgiveness?

18. Insight that One is Not Alone (Universality, Support)

When we are offended we often feel alone, powerless, helpless, and like others do not understand.

While our pain is very personal, we also develop the insight that others too have been hurt and have also walked the path of forgiveness. We then realize that we are not the only ones and find the courage to continue our healing and the forgiveness process.

Reflection: Insight that One is Not Alone

1. Who are some of the people you know who have walked the path of forgiveness?

2. How does knowing that you are not alone in the forgiveness process affect you?

3. How have you felt the support of others in dealing with your offense?

19. Realization that Self May Have a New Purpose in Life as a Result of the Offense

When an offense has a significant impact on our lives, there is no way we can go back and be the person we once were before. As we move through the healing process of forgiveness, a powerful change takes place in our lives cognitively, affectively, and behaviorally.

Reflection: Realization that Self may Have a New Purpose in

Life as a Result of the Offense

1. What impact do you think your experience with the healing power of interpersonal forgiveness will have on your life?

2. How will your life be changed as a result of your experience with interpersonal forgiveness?

3. What part of the healing process of interpersonal forgiveness has affected your life the most?

20. Awareness of Decreased Negative Affect and, Perhaps, Increased Positive Affect Toward the Offender and Awareness of Internal Emotional Release

The benefits of forgiveness are now becoming evident in one’s life. There may be a noticed decrease in negative feelings toward one’s offender and possibly the emergence of positive feelings. Hope for the future begins to emerge.

Reflection: Awareness of Decreased Negative Affect and, Perhaps, Increased

Positive Affect Toward the Offender and Awareness of Internal Emotional Release

1. In what ways have your negative feelings toward your offender changed?

2. What are some positive feelings toward your offender that have emerged?

3. How has your emotional energy toward your offender changed since beginning this process?

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father also will forgive you; but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

…Matthew 6:14-15

Forgiveness: A Theological Perspective

Forgiveness vs. Sin

From The Psychology of Religion by Dr. Wayne Oates

Sin as idolatryForgiveness as an enlargement of life

Sin as stupidityForgiveness as the gift of wisdom

Sin as self elevationForgiveness as restored joy in being

human

Sin as alienationForgiveness as the gift of community

Sin as destructive habitForgiveness as the restoration of strength

Sin as the antithesis of faithForgiveness as the invitation to pilgrimage

“Forgiveness is love’s antidote for hate, beginning with passive hate, the loss of energy to wish people well…you will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”

Lewis Smedes, Forgive and Forget

Forgiveness Self-Assessment Check-Up(Developed by Susan Wade Brown, Ph.D., edited by Robert Enright, Ph.D.)

Where Are You on the Path toward Peace and Healing?

Forgiveness is a healing journey for both body and soul.

Yet, even if you know in your heart that you want or need to

forgive someone, the path toward peace can be difficult. To

move forward, it often helps to have an accurate sense of

where you are right now.

Link:http://spiritualityhealth.com/newsh/items/selftest/item_232.html